The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Three
by Hoogiman
Summary: FINISHED! WINNERS INSIDE! Watch the Smashers compete on a wacky race around the world! Meet Fox, the world's worst romantic, Falco, the world's most sexually confused and Jigglypuff, the world's worst romantic partner! WHO WILL WIN? READ OR DIE.
1. Stop Agreeing With Me!

The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Three  
By Hoogiman

_Leg One: (double length) Stop agreeing with me!_

"I'm at the Luigi Raceway, an important track in the Mario Kart series located in the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, floating above a tarmac race course.

"From here, twelve teams of two will embark on a race around the world for **one million dollars**!" said Master Hand. "Each team has a pre-existing relationship. These twelve teams are…"

"Link and Zelda, a married couple from Hyrule!" said Master Hand.

_Link and Zelda  
Married_

"Well, as you can see," said Link boastfully, "Because my name appears first, it means that **I** am the more important person in the team and Zelda is simply inferior to me!"

"It was going to be Zelda and Link!" said Zelda angrily, "But then you bribed the producers for **your** name to appear first!"

"What are you talking about?" said Link, laughing forcefully, "This is obviously the talk of a crazy woman!"

"I am not cra-"

"You are so crazy," said Link angrily, "You put on makeup! You delude yourself into thinking you can enhance your beauty by simply dabbing some powder onto your cheeks!"

"**You** use more makeup than me!" said Zelda, pointing to the heavy eye liner, the purple lipstick, the large blushers and the incorrectly applied mascara on Link's face.

"Oh yeah?" said Link, defeated.

"Well… well… shut up, woman!" said Link.

"Yeah, that's right," said Link proudly, taking victory.

The women in the production crew glared at Link angrily.

"Yeah… yeah… that's right, men are better than you," said Link arrogantly.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, Scouts!" said Master Hand.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

"Diddy Kong and I are best friends from scouts, and through this-" said Young Link.

"Yay yay yay yay yay!" said Diddy Kong quickly, knocking Young Link on the head every time he said the word 'yay'.

"And through this race…" said Young Link, slightly annoyed.

"Yay yay yay yay yay!" said Diddy Kong, continuing to knock Young Link on the head.

"Stop it!" said Young Link angrily.

"Fine, what do I do then?" said Diddy Kong restlessly.

Young Link continued, "Through Scouts, we've learnt many, many skills that can be used in the race, like making fires and using a compass."

Diddy Kong nodded in agreement in a quick and constant manner.

"Diddy," said Young Link, "Show us how to make a fire!"

Diddy Kong, crumbling through the pressure, stared in shock into blank space.

"…Diddy Kong? You've been in Scouts for ten years… show us how to make a fire…" said Young Link, confused.

Diddy Kong, still trembling, continued to stare into blank space.

Young Link gave Diddy Kong his compass, "Okay then, use my compass to go north!"

"Com… pass?" said Diddy Kong, pronouncing the word very slowly.

"We've been using them since… forever!" said Young Link, annoyed.

Diddy Kong stared into blank space.

"Okay, open this door then!" said Young Link angrily, pointing to a door.

"D… oor?" said Diddy Kong very slowly in confusion.

"Yes, you don't know how to use a door?" said Young Link angrily.

"Door?" said Diddy Kong, staring into blank space.

"This race is going to be awful," sobbed Young Link.

"Bowser and Ness, High School Friends!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ness  
High School Friends_

"Well, me and Bowser were high school friends," said Ness, "And then-"

"We were until I went into the _cool_ group and left poor Ness behind," boasted Bowser.

"You hung out with me the entire time, remember?" said Ness, confused, "Remember? We were in the chess team and we built kites, and then we joined the sewing club and you made that soft toy of that pink pon-"

"I've changed! I don't like any of that stuff anymore!" said Bowser angrily.

"But I thought…"

Said Bowser angrily, "I don't like chess, I hate kites and I…"

Bowser said in a very timid voice, "I hate ponies too!"

"I thought we were friends!" cried Ness.

A sceptic Ness grinned slyly, and then took a soft toy pony out of Bowser's bag.

"How did you-" shouted Bowser, outraged, "I thought I kept-"

"Well," said Ness, holding the head of the pony threateningly, "Seeing that you don't like ponies anymore-"

"NUUEZ!" said Bowser, diving for the soft toy and hugging it tenderly.

"This is good TV," commented Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Shut up!" said Bowser, hugging the pony sweetly.

"Mewtwo and Falco, Martial Arts Experts!" said Master Hand.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"In this race-" said Falco.

"I want to talk," said Mewtwo angrily.

"You'll talk later," said Falco, "Anyway, we are going to _win_ this race and we're not settling for anything lower than that!"

"We are trained fighters and because we both lack emotional capacity," said Mewtwo, "_Nothing_ is going to stop us from winning…"

"Besides of course the Yields and the cancellation of-"

"Nothing," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Everyone, watch out! You've just met the winners of The Smashy Amazing Race," said Falco smugly.

"Mario and DK, Fishing Buddies!" said Master Hand.

_Mario and DK  
Fishing Buddies_

"Well, ever since I saved the princess from-a DK, me and DK have-a been rather good friends!" said Mario.

"Yeah… we've gotten along pretty well and we've found a common interest of fishing, so we-" said DK.

Donkey Kong glared at Mario angrily, "Wait, _saved_ the princess? I can't believe you actually took credit for that! It was all _fake!_"

"It-a was not fake," said Mario, "You just-a can't admit I owned you with my fireballs-"

"You _bribed _me to give you Peach, you didn't defeat me!" said DK.

"Anyway, I'd say our response-"

"You don't even have fireballs!" said DK angrily.

"I do too! Just watch me!" said Mario proudly, going into his fighting stance.

"So where's the fireballs?" said DK.

"I'm-a working on them," said Mario angrily.

"Are they here yet?" said DK.

"No," said Mario angrily.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Dating Pokemon!" said Master Hand.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

Said Jigglypuff happily, "I think you'll find that we get along together quite well as we've been dating for over two years now, and I'm just waiting for him to prop-"

"Woah, woah, woah," said Pikachu angrily, "Since when have we been dating?"

"Well," said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to the screen, "According to the screen we're dating!"

Jigglypuff poked her tongue out at Pikachu.

"Fine, I admit it," said Pikachu sighing, "We're dating, it was supposed to be a secret at first, but after Jigglypuff told the production crew that we were dating, I guess-"

"Woah, woah, woah," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Since when are we _dating_?"

"But," said Pikachu, confused, "You just said we were dating before when they started the interview and-"

"We are **not** dating!" said Jigglypuff.

"Are too!" said Pikachu.

"Are not!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Are not!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Are too!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!"

"Are too!"

"So we are dating?" said Pikachu, smiling snidely.

"We **are** dating, and don't you deny it!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm not!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh…" said Jigglypuff.

"Well, it's good that you're not denying it," said Jigglypuff.

"Yes," said Pikachu.

"That you're not denying we're dating," said Jigglypuff.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

"Stop agreeing with me!" said Jigglypuff angrily, punching Pikachu in the gut.

"Snake and Yoshi, Accountancy Students!" said Master Hand.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Snake and I are both studying to be accountants," said Yoshi, "And I think our love for numbers and the general bond we have is just such a great thing and it will help us during the-"

"You're not the real Yoshi," said Snake suspiciously.

"Uh…" said Yoshi in confusion.

"Who are you, impostor?" said Snake, taking out his gun and holding it to Yoshi's throat.

"I'm Yoshi!" said Yoshi nervously, "Don't shoot!"

"Well if you're really Yoshi, then why am I ripping off your mask?" said Snake, pulling at Yoshi's face.

A small piece of skin ripped out from Yoshi's face, the flesh being revealed. Yoshi glared at Snake angrily.

"You, you can't just do that!" said Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Or are you fake _too_?" said a suspicious Snake, staring at Master Hand suspiciously.

"Go on with what you're doing then," chuckled Master Hand quickly.

"Aah!" screamed Yoshi as his face was being pulled off.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, Lawyers!" said Master Hand.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Knuckle Joe may have being a disability by being so short," said Peach, "But through this race I want to show that if I look good by helping this short guy, whatever your name is, I'll have higher self est-"

"I do _not_ have a disability," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Everyone my species is this tall!"

"Shut up, shortie," said Peach angrily, "I'm going to make everyone pity you, and you're going to _enjoy it_!"

"I hate you!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Even if we win this race I am _never_ going to respect you."

"And I've got you these trolley wheels you can wear on your feet," said Peach, holding up a pair of rollerblades.

"No," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

Threatened Peach, "You will! Because I am bigger, stronger and tougher than you and-"

Knuckle Joe hit Peach in the shins.

"Ow!" cried Peach.

Peach fell to the ground.

"Ow!" cried Peach.

Peach rolled around and moaned a lot.

"Fox and Samus, Entrepreneurs!" said Master Hand.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Samus and I are going to be the bestest, bestest, bestest…" said Fox in a cute baby voice, eyes closed.

"Why do you always put me with the **freaks**?" said Samus angrily.

"Bestest, bestest, bestest…" said Fox.

"It uh… builds character?" said Master Hand.

"…_bestest, bestest…_"

"Build this!" said Samus, getting Fox's head in a neck-snapping position.

"…_bestest, bestest…_"

"We've made it a rule that if there's a carcass in the race caused by murder, the carcass gets all of the money," said Master Hand.

"…_bestest, bestest…_"

"Darn it!" said Samus in frustration.

"…_bestest, bestest…_"

"Can I kill him later?" said Samus.

"…_bestest, bestest…_"

"Sure," said Master Hand.

"Aww, you're so nice!" said Samus thankfully.

"Kirby and Sonic, Door-to-door Salesmen!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

Kirby sat in front of the camera, chewing.

"Where's Sonic?" said Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Uh…" said Kirby, stuffing the blue hedgehog spikes that slipped out back in his mouth, "Bathroom stop?"

"Ah," said Master Hand.

Several minutes passed.

"Are you sure?" said Master Hand sceptically.

"Yeah?" said Kirby in an unconvincing voice.

"Okay," said Master Hand.

"Wario and Luigi, Lifelong Friends!" said Master Hand.

_Wario and Luigi  
Lifelong Friends_

"Wario and I are lifelong friends…" said Luigi.

"We are?" said Wario.

"…mainly because of our common hate of Mario!" said Luigi.

"We do?" said Wario.

"And we get along really well," said Luigi.

"We do?" said Wario.

"And we both like scrapbooking and-a…"

"This is a complete lie," said Wario angrily, "I don't actually-"

"Shut up and nod, fatty!" said Luigi angrily.

"No!" said Wario angrily.

"Fine!" said Luigi angrily.

"Fine!" said Wario angrily.

"You want to fight?" said Luigi angrily.

Wario sat on Luigi.

"It seems-a our differences have been resolved," said Luigi nervously, his skull being slowly crushed.

"…and Squirtle and Pichu, playmates!" said Master Hand.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Playmates_

"I think we'll do fine in this race," said Pichu, doing his cute face.

"Yeah, me too," said Squirtle, doing his excessively cringe-inducing cute face.

"Yeah, the only problem is that we can't actually read," said Pichu.

"…or drive," added Squirtle.

"…or carry anything over a kilogram," said Pichu.

"…and we have horribly short attention spans," said Squirtle.

"…and we can't jump from anything that's higher than a metre," said Pichu.

"Yeah, we'll do fine," said Squirtle.

"Yay!" they cheered, high-fiving.

"How will these twelve teams cope with travelling with each other, and who will muster the right combination of brains, brawn and teamwork to win the one million dollar prize?" said .

_Starting Line  
Luigi Raceway_

All of the teams lined up next to each other on the tarmac course, looking at Master Hand in excitement.

"When I give you the signal," said Master Hand, "You will all run over to your bags, and then go into one of the marked cars in the carpark of the course. What you do next is entirely up to you! You must hurry to every pit stop, as if you arrive last, you _will_ be eliminated."

"The first team to cross the finish line will win **one million dollars**!" said Master Hand.

Everybody cheered.

"Okay," said Master Hand, signalling to the racers to line up, "Have fun… travel safe…"

"Go!" screamed Master Hand.

All of the teams took off. In an excited hundred metre dash for the exciting first clue, several excited screams of excitement were heard in an excited manner.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"First to the clue!" said Falco, quickly snatching the laminated clue off his bag.

Falco ripped it open and read, "You must now make your way to Dreamland, in Pop Star!"

"Teams must now make their way to Dreamland, Pop Star!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must travel to Green Greens and find this market, where they will find their next clue!"

"Get in the car!" said Falco, hopping into the driver's seat of the car and turning on the ignition.

Falco turned out of the complex and onto a main road, where he was met by congestion.

Complained Falco, "Great! We're stuck in tr-"

Several dozen cars in front of Mewtwo and Falco's car overturned and rolled off the road.

"Mewtwo, was the telekinesis really necessary?" said Falco angrily.

"Always," said Mewtwo.

"Fair enough," said Falco.

_Link and Zelda  
Married_

"Second out!" said Link, dragging Zelda along and shoving her into the car.

"I think I should dr-"

"I'm driving," said Link angrily, "Women can't drive!"

Link jumped into the front of the car and paused, staring blankly at the steering wheel.

"Well?" said Zelda.

"I actually… I actually can't remember how to drive," said Link.

Link passed out in a very fake looking way, and then he sat up again. "Oh!" chuckled Link, "I guess you have to drive because I've been poisoned and cannot use my awesome driving skills!"

Zelda sighed and swapped seats with Link.

They drove along.

"Women are such bad drivers," complained Link.

"You couldn't even get the car started!" said Zelda angrily.

"You know what?" said Link.

"Shut up, woman!" said Link.

Zelda ignored Link.

"Yeah," said Link proudly, "That's right, I win!"

Zelda ignored Link.

"Ooh, Fast Food! Can we stop there?" said Link, pointing to an upcoming Burger store.

Zelda drove past.

"And what did I do wrong?" said Link, outraged.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

Fox, driving the car and Samus, sat in silence as they drove along the highway.

"If we won the race," said Fox in a cute voice, "Would you buy ten ponies and a hamster?"

"Shut up and drive," snapped Samus.

Silence.

"Five ponies?" said Fox, slightly saddened.

"Shut up," said Samus angrily.

"Three p-"

"I'll slit your throat," said Samus angrily, pulling out a knife.

"One pony?" laughed Fox.

Samus slit Fox's throat.

Samus noticed that nobody was actually driving and that a large pileup had formed behind their car.

"That's not too good then, is it?" said Samus.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I guess I'll drive because you're too short," said Peach, giving a boost into the back of the car.

Peach jumped into the front seat and stared at the steering wheel.

"Do you actually know how to drive or-"

"Shut up! I get easily distracted whilst driving on these highways!" said Peach in a charming British accent.

"Sitting in a stationary car staring at the steering wheel hardly constitutes driving let alone-"

"I'm trying!" cried Peach.

"Bu-"

"Stop criticizing me!" sobbed Peach.

Knuckled Joe sighed.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Good job, Jiggles!" said Pikachu, hopping into the driver's seat, "We beat a lot of people on that starting footrace!"

"Yeah," said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu started to turn on the ignition.

"I thought we said I was going to drive!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Fine," sighed Pikachu, hopping out.

Pikachu walked around the back of the car and then opened Jigglypuff's door.

"What are you doing opening my door?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"You said you wanted to drive!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," giggled Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff hopped out, walked around the back of the car and hopped in.

Jigglypuff stood there.

"I don't know how to drive!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Then let me drive!" said Pikachu angrily.

"But I want to learn!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay well, I'll give you a-"

"I'm bored!" pouted Jigglypuff.

"Just let me drive!" said Pikachu angrily, tossing Jigglypuff into the backseat and starting the car.

"You know," said Jigglypuff annoyed, "You could have been more of a gentleman, you know…"

"Whatever," said Pikachu angrily.

"Hehe, as opposed to a roughman," laughed Jigglypuff.

"That's not funny," said Pikachu angrily.

"I found it funny," said the cameraman.

"Shut up," said Pikachu, trying to start the ignition.

"Hehe, you can't even drive," said Jigglypuff. "Look, you can't reach the gas pedal and steer!"

"Neither can you!" said Pikachu.

They glared at each other angrily.

Pikachu said, "Hey, why don't we…"

"No!" humphed Jigglypuff.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Young Link sat nervously in the backseat of the car as Diddy Kong drove around in a disconcerting manner, narrowly missing hitting another car every few seconds.

"Diddy Kong, do you actually have a drivers' license?" said Young Link nervously, gritting his teeth.

"How hard can it be!?" squealed Diddy Kong, grinning madly as he swerved narrowly between a woman and a pram. In the park. "I've played video games and stuff."

"Video games don't teach you how to drive!" said Young Link, flinching as the car went zooming the wrong way down a crowded intersection.

"Sure they do!" said Diddy Kong, using his free foot to grab a banana from the dashboard and bring it to his mouth. "I've clocked up, like, a hundred hours on F-Zero and stuff!"

"…that game where you always crash?" said Young Link.

"Uh-huh," said Diddy Kong.

"I am so screwed," whispered Young Link.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I think I should drive," said Kirby, trying to keep up with Sonic as they reached the car.

"I think _I_ should drive," said Sonic arrogantly, "After all, I am the _fastest_ hedgehog in this race…"

Kirby stared blankly at Sonic.

"You're the **only **hedgehog in the race," said Kirby, confused.

"Shut up," threatened Sonic, "or I'll run into you so fast that you'll spin around in circles for days and then because I'm _so much_ more awesome than you you'll be begging me for the secrets of my trade and then I'll reply by saying 'It's because I'm Sonic!' and then you'll cry because you're so less awesome than me and-"

Sonic noticed he was inside some small pink object, similar to that of Kirby's mouth.

Said Sonic arrogantly, "I guess I'm too good, _after all_, I am-"

Kirby swallowed a sharp rake.

"I seem to have been stabbed," said Sonic, noticing the large rake that had lodged its way through his skull.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

Wario and Luigi drove along in silence.

Said Luigi, "Remember that time when we-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"What abo-"

"No," said Wario.

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"C'mon, go faster!" said DK, sticking his head out of the window nervously.

"This is the speed limit!" said Mario. "And don't stick your head out of the window!"

"What's the worst that could happen?" said DK.

A motorcyclist crashed into his head and went flying. Several small cars went spinning and ricocheted off his skull before crashing into more cars, causing a massive pileup right behind them.

"That kinda hurt," said DK.

"Put your head back in!" shouted Mario.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Okay, there's a shortcut we can take," said Ness. "We just-"

"Shut up," said Bowser as nicely as possible, "I'm trying to concentrate."

Several burning cars landed on either side of them.

"Well," said Ness, "you can increase our fuel efficiency by braking into the corners…"

"We don't need to conserve fuel!" said Bowser. "This isn't our car!"

"True," said Ness.

In front of them a semitrailer drove into DK's head in the car in front and flipped over them.

"Well," said Ness, "maybe you could avoid the pileup…"

"Why would I _not_ avoid the pileup!?" said Bowser angrily, pounding the horn. "You're not even old enough to drive!"

"If this was a hybrid-"

"Shut up, nerd!" said Bowser.

_Luigi Raceway_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Snake, there's no bomb!" said Yoshi angrily, trying to grab the clue from Snake, "Just open the clue already!"

"One must be careful," said Snake, sniffing the clue for explosives. "Danger may come from any angle."

Yoshi hopped up and ripped the clue open.

Snake winced slightly as the clue failed to explode.

A moment of deathly silence.

"Well," said Snake, "that was well played, Yoshi. A bold move. Charging in without fear. But we're wasting time! Read the clue!"

"But…" said Yoshi.

Snake opened the car door and hopped in. "C'mon, what does it say?"

"Pop Star," said Yoshi. "We have to-"

"No time," said Snake, pulling Yoshi into the car and gunning the engine.

"Um, okay…" said Yoshi as they pulled out of the carpark going zero to a hundred in three seconds.

"Now," said Snake, "do you want to drive?"

"No thanks," said Yoshi.

"Then you're riding shotgun," said Snake.

"Um… yeah," said Yoshi.

Snake passed a missile launcher to Yoshi. "If it looks as if there's too much traffic, or if you see the opposition…"

"_What?_" said Yoshi, looking at the missile launcher.

"…you know what to do," said Snake.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, Squirtle," said Pichu, "Let's just follow Snake and Yoshi and see where they're going."

"Okay!" said Squirtle.

"Yay!" they said, high-fiving.

"Maybe we should start the car or something," said Squirtle.

"Okay!" said Pichu.

"Woo!" they cheered, hugging.

They started the car.

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Well, looks like we're almost there," said Falco.

"You don't say," said Mewtwo dryly.

They drove on in silence.

They reached the airport.

"Well, here we are," said Falco.

Link and Zelda pulled up in the car behind them.

"Hey, we made it!" said Zelda.

"I didn't give you permission to speak," said Link sourly.

"Hey Falco, hey Mewtwo!" said Zelda in an overly cheery voice.

Mewtwo grabbed Falco and pushed him back to a corner.

"Do we communicate with the inferiors?" said Mewtwo to Falco quietly.

"We should befriend them and then mislead them," suggested Falco.

"Good idea," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco looked at Zelda.

"Um… hi friend!" said Mewtwo unconvincingly.

"We should make a team alliance!" suggested Zelda.

"Good idea," said Falco, "In fact, why don't you get your tickets from the ticket desk because we've already got ours!"

Mewtwo smiled and nodded unconvincingly.

"Cool!" said Zelda, "Now where are those tickets?"

"Uh…" said Falco.

"There," said Mewtwo, pointing to the arrivals hall on the other side of the terminal (which clearly did _not_ sell tickets). "Have fun buying those tickets!"

"But isn't that the ticket desk right there?" said Link, pointing to the ticket desk ten metres behind Falco.

"That's the… bad tickets desk… the good tickets are in that place," said Falco, pointing to the arrivals hall.

"Thanks guys! You've been such a great help!" said Link.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Come on!" said Link, walking quickly towards the arrivals hall, "If we get there quickly we might get on the first flight!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

"We have a 2:00 Mushroom Air flight to Pop Star," said the airport worker, "I'll get you some tickets now!"

"They're actually walking to the other side of the airport," laughed Mewtwo.

"I can't believe we actually tricked those guys," said Falco, taking the tickets.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

"One ticket to Green Greens," said Kirby to the ticket salesman.

"Where am **I **going to sit?!" said Sonic angrily.

The ticket salesman looked at Kirby sceptically. "You're sure you're the only traveller?"

"Yeah… that was uh… my talking luggage…" said Kirby, "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Okay," said the ticket salesman, giving Kirby his ticket.

_Kirby and Sonic  
2__nd__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

"Call the police! He's eaten me!" screamed Sonic.

The ticket salesman stared at Kirby.

"Be quiet," said Kirby, swallowing a sharp knife.

"Ow!" screamed Sonic, the knife piercing his skin.

"Have you learnt your lesson?" said Kirby, grinning slightly sadistically. "Be quiet _**or else.**_"

"Ha," laughed Sonic arrogantly, "Or _**what?**_"

"Where's the nearest knife store?" asked Kirby to an airport worker.

"There aren't any knife stores, actually," said the worker.

"Oh," said Kirby.

"They've been replaced by 'Acid World', a chain store that specialises in acids that _only_ harm things inside your mouth!" exclaimed the worker as if he were reading an advertisement.

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Sonic.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're here at the airp-" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I was-a merely making a statement!" said Luigi, "Why won't you even let me say-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

Luigi and Wario lined up for tickets.

"So how about those-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

Luigi and Wario got to the front of the line.

"Can we have two tick-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I was ordering tickets!" said Luigi hysterically.

"Oh," said Wario.

_Wario and Luigi  
3__rd__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I'm starting to think," said Zelda, "that we may have been misled."

"Nonsense," said Link dismissively. "Look, that's got to be the ticket counter there!"

"That's the baggage claim," said Zelda.

Link cast a nasty glare at Zelda.

_Downtown Mushroom Kingdom_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"So," said Fox, "do you want to win the race?"

"Obviously," said Samus, concentrating on the road.

"Hey," laughed Fox, "we're going to Pop Star, right?"

"Yeah…" said Samus, cutting across a pedestrian-filled sidewalk.

"Well," said Fox, "I've got a good joke."

"Oh, really?" said Samus disinterestedly.

"Yeah," said Fox. "A Pop Star joke."

"Cool," said Samus, with obvious sarcasm.

"Want to hear it?" said Fox.

"No," said Samus.

"So anyway," said Fox, "there's this popstar, right? And he goes to Pop-"

Samus grabbed Fox's gun and shot him in the stomach.

"OW!" cried Fox, holding his stomach.

"…Pop Star, and then…"

Samus shot Fox again.

"OW! Why?" cried Fox, crumpling to the floor of the car.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Right!" said Diddy Kong. "This is about as fast as the car goes!"

Young Link was staring wide-eyed out in front of them as entire districts rushed by in a blur.

"By the way," said Diddy Kong, "which way are we going?"

"What?" said Young Link.

"Where are we going?" said Diddy Kong.

"Where are _you_ going!?" said Young Link, trying to contain his total panic.

"Oh, I'm just turning randomly," said Diddy Kong.

They ploughed through a library.

"_What!?_" said Young Link.

"Which way is Pop Star, then?" said Diddy Kong.

"It's… but… just drive to the airport!" said Young Link.

"Oh, the _airport_," said Diddy Kong.

They did a one-eighty turn, narrowly missing a bank, and zoomed the other way on the road.

Diddy Kong looked down.

"Look up! Look _up_!" shouted Young Link.

"Say, is that gum on the floor?" said Diddy Kong.

His attention completely off the road, Diddy Kong reached down and grabbed a wad of gum from under the gas pedal.

And Young Link wept.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Okay," said Ness, "there's a traffic jam ahead but if we cut through Koopa Parade and then make a right turn into…"

"Shut _up_, nerd!" growled Bowser.

They crashed into the traffic jam.

"Maybe you should have taken my advice," said Ness, sticking his tongue out.

"Advice this!" threatened Bowser.

"What are you going to do?" said Ness, unintimidated, "Hurt me or something?"

Bowser hurt Ness.

"Ow!" said Ness, tears flowing down his cheeks, "I thought we were friends!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Is shooting the other cars on the road really necessary?" said Yoshi. "There aren't even any cars in front of us!"

"Just _shoot_ them!" cried Snake, a manic grin plastered to his face. "Shoot them or I'll shoot you!"

"Um… okay…" said Yoshi timidly.

They plowed into peak-hour traffic.

"You know what to do," hissed Snake.

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Is the guy in the next lane _shooting_ at us?" said Mario incredulously.

"Pull back!" said DK, as a missile flew into his head and bounced off. "I can't keep this up!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Okay, Jiggles," said Pikachu, "I think I have this worked out."

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff, fiddling with the aircon.

"It's not exactly legal, but: you stand on the gas pedal, and I'll steer," said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff squeezed past Pikachu and hopped onto the break pedal.

"No, no, the _gas_ pedal," said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff stood on the break pedal.

"No, no, the _gas_ pedal!" said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff stood on the horn.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"We're not last!" said Squirtle, overtaking Peach and Knuckle Joe at high speeds of 10 kmph.

"Good job, Squirtle!" said Pichu.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"You… you sure you can't drive any faster?" said Knuckle Joe, frustrated, "At least you're tall enough to… reach the pedals _and_ the steering wheel!"

"Hahaha you're short," giggled Peach.

"I hate you," said Knuckle Joe.

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

_Link and Zelda  
4__th__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

"I can't believe those _scoundrels_ tricked us," said Link angrily, taking the tickets.

"Yeah, we're _never _trusting them again!" said Zelda angrily.

"Hey, Link, Zelda," said Falco, running up, "in order to board the flight you have to rip up your tickets!"

"Oh, okay!" said Link, pulling them out.

Zelda snatched them out of Link's hands.

"For safekeeping," she said.

"Drat," said Falco.

"Yeah," said Zelda, sticking out her tongue at Falco.

"Can I see your tickets for a moment-" said Falco.

"No," said Zelda angrily.

"Drat," said Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"You stabbed me… and shot me…" said Fox with mild outrage.

"And it would have been quicker if Master Hand had let me wear my suit," said Samus.

They pulled up to the airport.

"I never managed to finish that joke," said Fox thoughtfully.

"Don't. Start. Or. Else," said Samus.

"So there's this…"

_Fox and Samus  
5__th__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

"Is there a discount for corpses?" asked Samus, taking the tickets.

"No," said the ticket seller.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Hey, look!" said Yoshi. "There's Bowser and Ness ahead of us!"

"Hey!" shouted Bowser, rolling down a window.

"Hi!" shouted Ness.

"This little nerd has been bugging me all day!" laughed Bowser.

"Ha, ha!" chuckled Yoshi.

"Shut up and _shoot them_!" cried Snake, his eyes flashing wildly.

"What? No!" said Yoshi.

Snake pulled out a spare missile launcher and fired it out the window.

Bowser and Ness disappeared in a ball of flames.

"You… you…" said a stunned Yoshi.

"They would have gotten a better flight than us," said Snake coldly.

_Downtown Mushroom Kingdom_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I don't mean to alarm you," said Young Link through gritted teeth, "but a car just _exploded_ about a mile in front of us!"

"Cool," said Diddy Kong, his head still under the seat.

"Steer around it!" yelled Young Link hysterically.

"Um, okay," said Diddy Kong, putting his hands on the pedals and contorting around to bring his legs up to the steering wheel.

"NO!" shouted Young Link. "No, no, no, no, no!"

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

_Bowser and Ness  
6__th__ on Mushroom Air Flight_

"Thanks," said Bowser, taking the tickets.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We'll have what they're having," said Yoshi, pointing to Bowser and Ness.

"Sorry," said the airport worker, "There are just simply _no_ seats left."

"You'll give us seats," threatened Snake, frothing at the mouth, "You'll give us seats and they'll be good seats."

"I simply just cannot-"

Snake got out his rocket launcher, "You will give us _first class_ tickets and they will be good tickets!"

The worker reached for the security button.

Snake fired a rocket at the security button.

"I suppose we can kick the minister of foreign affairs off…" laughed the airport worker nervously.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Last on Mushroom Air Flight_

"Was that really necessary?" said Yoshi, annoyed.

"You will like First Class, and you will enjoy it," said Snake, frothing at the mouth.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Diddy Kong, I think you should break soon," said Young Link nervously, "We could really stop as of now…"

"What makes you say that?" said Diddy Kong, driving straight through the terminal, missing passengers by mere inches.

"Okay, stop now!" screamed Young Link, forcing Diddy Kong to stomp of the brake pedal.

The car screeched and then came to a halt, inches from the ticket desk.

"Just my smooth driving," said Diddy Kong smugly.

"You could have killed her!" said Young Link hysterically, pointing to an airline worker in shock.

"Can we have two tickets to Dream Land?" said Diddy Kong.

"Su- sure…" the worker replied nervously, checking on the computer.

"There's a 2:00 flight, but that's full," she said, "But I can get you on a 2:40 flight which lands at 2:30 PM local time."

"Cool!" said Diddy Kong.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
1__st__ on Air Four Flight_

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We're finally here," said Donkey Kong, completely bored out of his mind.

"Come on-a, let's get tickets!" said Mario, running into the line.

"You're… you're such a slow driver," said Donkey Kong annoyed, as Mario asked for tickets.

"I am not a slow driver!" said Mario annoyed, taking the tickets.

_Mario and DK  
2__nd__ on Air Four Flight_

"…I simply respect the speed signs and I abide to the local traffic laws!" said Mario angrily.

"Driving at thirty kilometres an hour is _not_ respecting the traffic laws… you can drive a hundred on these roads!" said DK angrily.

"Okay," said Mario, defeated, "Maybe I am a cautious driver!"

"Good! Because you are!" said DK angrily.

"And maybe I hate you too!" sobbed Mario.

"I hate you too, you- you Monkey Brain…" said Donkey Kong angrily.

"I never want to be friends with you _ever again_!" said Mario angrily.

"Fine! I don't either!" said Donkey Kong angrily.

They turned their backs and didn't look at each other.

Diddy Kong approached Mario and DK with a big grin on his face.

"Hey Mario! Hey DK!" said Diddy Kong in a hyperactively excited voice.

"You… are not driving… next time…" panted a hyperventilating Young Link, staggering up behind him.

"Oh, hey!" said Mario with a superficial grin on his face, "We were just… getting along so well!"

Mario grabbed Donkey Kong (who also had a fake smile) and hugged him, grinning at Diddy Kong as he did.

"See? We're much more happy then you guys!" said Mario.

"That's… that's not true…" said Diddy Kong, "Me and Young Link were getting along really-"

"I'm never trusting you with anything _**ever**_ again," said Young Link angrily.

"See?" said Diddy Kong grinning, putting his hand around Young Link's shoulder.

They all grinned at each other.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Okay, press the gas a bit harder," said Pikachu, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the road.

"I can't see anything down here," said Jigglypuff from directly underneath him.

"Quit complaining!" said Pikachu. "We're already breaking like a billion traffic laws…"

They drove in silence for about half a second.

"Hey, Pikie," said Jigglypuff.

"What did you call me?" said Pikachu.

"Or do you want me to call you Melvin?" said Jigglypuff, offended. "Huh? Huh? Is that really want you want?"

"Well, um…" said Pikachu. "I gue- BREAK! BREAK!"

"Good then, _Pikie_," said Jigglypuff, pushing on the break pedal.

The car screeched to a stop in front of some jaywalkers.

"Okay, gas again," said Pikachu. "And please don't call me that in front of other people."

"Maybe," said Jigglypuff brightly.

Pause.

"Anyway, there's this weird yellow dangly thing underneath the wheel," she said.

"What?" said Pikachu, steering again. "It's probably just my tail."

"I dunno," said Jigglypuff, worried. "It might be a snake or something. I'll just pull it out."

"Jiggles, it's my _tail_," said Pikachu.

"'Course it is, sweetie," said Jigglypuff, obviously not listening to a word he was saying.

"Just keep standing on the pedal and don't do anything else," said Pikachu.

"Just let me pull it," said Jigglypuff. "Just in case."

"It's my _tail_!" said Pikachu. "I'm tryin-"

"Okay, I'm just gonna give it one big tug," announced Jigglypuff.

"Don't-"

She pulled. Hard.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Hey, shortie," said Peach, clearly not steering, "why are you so short?"

The car in front of them spun out of control, ricocheted into several other cars on the highway and against the safety railings and causing a small flower truck to flip over and crash in a shower of sparks right in front of them.

"…what the?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I know, it's really confusing that somebody could be that short!" said Peach.

"The 2:00 PM Mushroom Air Flight that lands at 1:30 PM local time contains: Mewtwo and Falco, Kirby and Sonic, Wario and Luigi, Link and Zelda, Fox and Samus, Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.  
"All of the other teams are on a 2:40 PM Air Four flight that lands at 2:30 PM local time! These teams are: Young Link and Diddy Kong, Mario and DK, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Squirtle and Pichu!"

"Once teams land, they must find their way to the 'Blue Scarfy Market', where they must search for their next clue!"

_Green Greens Airport  
Dream Land_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 1:34 PM_

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're-a first out!" said Luigi, dashing out of the terminal, "Isn't that great?"

"No," said Wario angrily, hailing a taxi.

"Why are you so negative?" said Luigi, annoyed.

"No," said Wario, hopping in.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Get a taxi," said Yoshi, pointing to a tiny car containing a Waddle Dee.

"Okay," said Snake, hopping in.

Yoshi gave the driver directions and then the car drove off.

"Why is everything so cute?" complained Snake, pointing to the Waddle Dees and Cappies playing ball happily with each other, "Everything here is too cute! I don't know if I could stand this!"

"Cute is good!" commented Yoshi.

"Cute?" said Snake angrily, "Cute… is not good."

"Okay," said Yoshi, "If you don't like cute then just look away and-"

"Aggressive… senses… overwhelming…" said Snake, frothing at the mouth, "Cannot… take… more of this…"

Snake took out his rocket launcher and shot at a Waddle Dee.

It disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"WHY IS THERE NO BLOOD?!" screamed Snake in agony.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on," said Falco, with a heightened sense of urgency, "We're coming in third, this is an awful situation to be in…"

"Yeah!" said Mewtwo, spotting the taxi rank.

Mewtwo and Falco rudely butted in front of several people waiting for a taxi and took the first one that came in.

"Hey!" said a Waddle Dee angrily.

"Pop Star Special Ops," said Falco.

"Oh," said the Waddle Dee.

The taxi drove off.

"Wait… we don't have a Special Ops!" shouted the Waddle Dee.

"I lied!" cackled Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Samus and Fox hopped in a taxi.

"Great, banned from one airline already," said Samus angrily, "When I went with Falcon it took me at _least_ four legs until I was banned by an airline!"

"Well a Fox just has to do what a Fox does!" said Fox angrily.

"They have bathrooms for a reason," said Samus angrily.

"Shut up!" cried Fox, "I don't know how to operate the highly complex doors!"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Let's go," said Kirby, hurrying Sonic into a taxi. "Why, it's so nice to be back home already!"

"And what a _stinky_ place to live it would be, I must add," said Sonic mockingly.

"So how's it been lately?" said Kirby to the taxi driver, ignoring Sonic.

"Really _lame_," said Sonic, snickering immaturely.

"Oh," replied the Waddle Dee taxi driver, ignoring Sonic, "Same ol', same ol', no invasions or-"

"This place is _so_ lame," laughed Sonic, "It's so lame I would rather be tied up in a confined space inside a sewer, gouging my eye out with a spoon instead of having to waste my time in my dump!"

The taxi halted at a red light, and a rather large muscly, tall Waddle Dee glared angrily from outside the window.

"You should probably stop now…" said Kirby.

"And those Waddle Dees, they're so ugly and-"

The Waddle Dee took Sonic and choked him violently.

"Why me?" gasped Sonic, choking.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Bowser and Ness hopped onto a taxi.

"While we were flying, I found a great website on bargaining with Pop Star taxi drivers for a cheap price!" said Ness, holding a print-out. "We can use these techniq-"

"GIVE US A TEN DOLLAR FARE OR I'LL KILL YOU," threatened Bowser to the Waddle Dee taxi driver.

They got a ten dollar fare.

"That works too," said Ness.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Zelda, was that really necessary?" said Link angrily, pointing to the several dozen shopping bags that Zelda had loaded into the boot of the taxi.

"I'm sorry," said Zelda, "I just can't resist the temptation of duty-free shopping!"

"But you were just defending the stereotype that all women are compulsive shoppers and will buy anything presented to them!" said Link.

"Well, it's not true!" said Zelda, buying some more jewellery, "I hate your stereotype of women and how you label them as shopping machines- ooh… are those _oranges?!_"

"There are plenty of oranges in Hyrule," said Link, "Don't buy it! They're marked up several thousand percent!"

"Too late," said Zelda, eating several of the few hundred oranges she had just bought.

"You do realise we have a budget in this-"

"BUDGET?!" screamed Zelda in horror.

"We were given _fifty bucks_ for this leg of the race!" said Link angrily, "How did you manage to buy all of that-"

Link noticed his credit card in Zelda's hand. "You realise I have to pay for all of that?" said Link angrily.

"I'll pay it back to you-"

"Pay it back?! You don't even have a job!" said Link angrily.

"Oh yeah?" said Zelda. "Well, well shut up, you stupid man."

"I dunno, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it," said Link.

"Yeah," said Zelda.

_Blue Scarfy Market_

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here first somehow!" said Luigi, amazed, "Come on! There's the clue!"

Luigi got out of the car and ran over to the clue box.

"Detour!" read Luigi, "Pen or Sword?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, standing outside a farmhouse, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Pen or Sword!  
"In Pen, teams must travel two kilometres to this farmhouse and transport ten Nruffs one kilometre to another farmhouse! The distance may seem short, but transporting stubborn, wild animals may be a challenge to some teams!  
"In Sword, teams must travel three kilometres to this sword shop in Cappy town! Once they have arrived here, they must search thousands of swords for just one of _fifteen_ specially marked swords! Once they show the sword to the shop owner, they will receive their next clue!  
"This may seem easy, but what teams do not know are that on first glance, almost all of the swords look identical!"

"Should we transport the-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Okay, we'll search for swords," said Luigi.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Let's do Pen, transporting animals sounds easy," said Mewtwo.

"I dunno-"

"Well guess what? I'm highly trained in the training and transport of animals!" said Mewtwo. "I've studied agriculture for ten years at-"

"Fine," said Falco, "We'll do Pen."

"You've never actually worked with animals, have you?" said Falco.

"Nope," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I think we should search for swords, my vision is very good," said Yoshi after reading the clue.

"Good idea," said Snake.

Yoshi suddenly saw a vivid image of Snake in a room full of swords.

"Let's transport animals," laughed Yoshi nervously.

_Samus and Fox  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Which task would you enjoy more?" asked Samus.

"Finding swords, becau-"

"We're transporting Nruffs," said Samus.

"Bu-"

"Are you arguing with me?" said Samus angrily.

"No, bu-"

"Good," said Samus.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed at 2:18 PM_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Whee! First out!" said Diddy Kong excitedly, hopping into the taxi.

"Blue Scarfy Market," said Young Link to the taxi driver.

The taxi drove off.

"Now," said Young Link strictly, "We are in a different country with different customs- get your hands off the taxi driver's eyes!"

"Fine!" said Diddy Kong angrily, "Just ruin my fun, will you?"

"He couldn't see," said Young Link angrily.

"You still have your hands on his face!" said Young Link hysterically.

"Oh," said Diddy Kong, taking his hands off the taxi driver's face.

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I almost got-a detained!" said Mario, angrily getting into the taxi.

"That happened years ago!" replied DK angrily, "Can't we just forgive and forget!"

"It happened _ten_ minutes ago," said Mario as the taxi drove along, "And you completely denied knowing me and then swallowed my passport! Are you _intentionally _trying to get me into trouble?"

"No," said DK angrily.

"Stupid plumber boy," muttered DK under his breath.

"Dumb ape," said Mario angrily under his breath.

"Hey, are you two guys _arguing_ or something?" said the cameraman.

Mario and DK grinned, putting their arms around each others' shoulders and smiling at the camera.

"Plumber boy," said DK through his teeth, still grinning.

"Dumb ape," said Mario through his teeth.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

Squirtle and Pichu happily hopped into the taxi.

"Where are you guys going?" said the Waddle Dee.

"…you know, because you're in a taxi, you usually need to go somewhere," said the taxi driver.

"What's he saying?" said Squirtle.

"Dunno," said Pichu.

"Okay, if you just want a place to stay I'll put on the meter now," said the Waddle Dee angrily.

"Yay!" said Pichu and Squirtle, not understanding the taxi driver.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Okay," said Peach angrily, hopping into the taxi, "You are _definitely_ wearing those rollerblades for the next airport."

Knuckle Joe glared at Peach angrily.

"You're so slow! You're slowing us down, shortie!" said Peach angrily.

"Shut up!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "**You** were the one that was running slowly! I was literally _walking _while you were sprinting your heart out."

"Shut up, shortie!" snapped Peach.

Knuckle Joe cracked Peach's kneebone.

"There, there, short people can have angry spurs as well," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe cracked Peach's other kneebone.

"Don't worry," said Peach happily, "One day you'll grow up to be big and strong, just like-"

Knuckle Joe punched Peach in the face.

"Ow!" said Peach angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Jiggles, I think we need to lighten the load on your bag," said Pikachu angrily, pointing to Jigglypuff's fifty kilogram truck-sized bag.

"Okay!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Fine then! I'll lighten the load! You want me to lighten the load, huh?"

"Yeah…" said Pikachu, confused.

"Fine! I'll lighten the load!" said Jigglypuff angrily, putting her bag in the boot of a taxi and looking at Pikachu angrily.

"Good," said Pikachu.

"And you know _how _I'll lighten the load?" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'm ditching you!"

"Whatever," said Pikachu.

"I am! I hate you! I'm never talking to you!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'm never talking to you **ever again!**"

Jigglypuff stomped off angrily and then tugged the taxi door.

She jerked it several times, the door failing to open.

"Help Pikachu! I need you so badly!" cried Jigglypuff, sobbing near the door.

Pikachu sighed.

Pikachu opened the door for Jigglypuff and hopped in the back seat. The taxi drove off.

"Thanks Melvin!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"I'm not Melvin," said Pikachu angrily.

"Suuure…" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

_Cappy Town Sword Shop_

_Wario and Luigi  
On Sword_

"Wow, this shop is rather big," said Luigi, walking into the sword shop.

"Here is the sword that you have to find," said the owner, holding a highly-detailed, expensive sword.

"I found-a it!" laughed Luigi, taking the sword from the owner.

The owner chuckled.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Are you going to say anything else?" said Luigi angrily.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Oh," said Luigi.

_Nruff Farmhouse_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Okay," said Falco, running into the farmhouse.

Falco looked in shock at the Nruffs: large, spiky hedgehog-like creatures. "We have to carry _**these**_?" he exclaimed in shock.

"I've got it," said Mewtwo, using his telekinesis to pick up ten Nruffs.

"Fine… we'll cheat…" sighed Falco. "So all we have to do is walk a kilometre now?"

"Yep," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"So all we have to do is transport ten of these a kilometre?" asked Yoshi to the farm owner.

"Yep," said the farmer.

"Good," said Snake, getting out his rocket launcher.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

Snake used his rocket launcher to shoot ten Nruffs, killing them all.

"Hahahahahaha!" cackled Snake manically.

"My Nruffs!" screamed the farmer, "You… you just killed ten of my Nruffs! They take ten years to train and-"

"Shut up, girl!" screamed Snake, frothing at the mouth, holding up a rocket launcher to the farmer's neck.

"Sorry," whimpered the farmer.

_Samus and Fox  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"I've thought up of a systematic system of transporting these Nruffs," said Fox, "First, we-"

Samus picked up all of the Nruffs and threw them spike-first at Fox, sticking them to his fur.

"Ow!" screamed Fox.

"That's how we do it," said Samus.

_Blue Scarfy Market_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We'll do Pen, because I'm _awesome_," said Sonic, putting down the clue.

"Is that really necessary?" said Kirby, annoyed.

"Yes, yes it is…" said Sonic.

"…because I'm _really_ awesome," he said.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"If we do Sword, I've actually devised an alg-"

"Shut up, nerd!" said Bowser angrily.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're doing Pen," said Zelda.

"No," said Link, "We're doing Sword!"

Silence.

"I know," said Link, "We'll flip a coin using this obviously non-rigged coin!"

Link flipped up a rigged coin that he found in his pocket.

"Heads," said Link, cackling evilly to himself. "Using this double-sided heads coin, I will manipulate the odds in my-"

The coin landed on Tails.

"Link…" said Zelda, pitying Link, "You're pathetic. You… you can't even **cheat **properly! It was a double-sided tails coin! If you actually had an ounce of intelligence in your brain you would have called _tails_."

Link whimpered.

"….I mean, that's so stupid of you!" said Zelda, "I know you may not be the-"

Link was almost in tears.

_Cappy Town Sword Shop_

_Wario and Luigi  
On Sword_

"Do you want to quit?" said Luigi restlessly, "We have had _no_ luck so far."

"No," said Wario.

"But can't you consider the fact that-"

"No," said Wario.

"Do you want to _not_ quit?" asked Luigi, smiling slyly.

"No," said Wario.

"So you do want to quit? Haha, I tricked you!" said Luigi, cackling.

"No," said Wario.

"Oh," said Luigi.

_Nruff Farmhouse_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Okay, we're here!" said Falco, "Now, carry the Nruffs for the next fifteen metres so it looks like we did it properly."

"You realise they wouldn't care anyway?" said Mewtwo.

"But they might not even give us the clue if-"

"They wouldn't care," said Mewtwo, choking Falco _lightly_ with his telekinesis.

"I can't… breathe…" said Falco, choking for his life.

"Do you understand now?" asked Mewtwo.

Falco nodded nervously.

They carried the Nruffs in, and then took the clue.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Falco.

"Teams must now travel to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen in Cappy Town!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find _this_ wall that contains cards that tell their departure time for the next day! There are three departure times: 7:00 AM, 7:15 AM and 7:30 AM."

"Come on, let's go," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Here are your Nruffs!" said Snake, manically, throwing the bleeding bodies onto the table, "Enjoy!"

The farmer looked at Snake in shock and confusion. "You can't just-"

Snake picked up the farmer by the collar and looked at him angrily, his free hand raised into a fist.

"Look buddy," said Snake angrily, "There was nothing on the clue that said they had to be alive, okay?"

The farmer nervously pointed to a section on the clue that read, "The Nruffs must be _alive_ when delivered."

"Darn it!" screamed Snake in an overly throaty voice, "Yoshi! Why didn't you tell me they had to be alive?!"

"But I did!" said Yoshi angrily, "I said that many times! In fact, I kept on telling you to go back but you wouldn't listen!"

"This gives me no other alternative…" said Snake angrily.

"…we go back and do the task properly?" suggested Yoshi, confused.

"We _eat _them!" said Snake, cackling manically.

"But I… don't exactly see how eating the…"

Snake took a large bite out of one of the dead Nruffs.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi, alarmed, "They're poisonous!"

"I am immune to poison," said Snake arrogantly.

"Yoshi, can you call the poison help line?" said Snake desperately, "Use your phone… I don't want the enemy to know my weakness…"

"Look!" said the farmer angrily, still being held up by one of Snake's hands, "I'll give you the clue! Just… just leave everything alone, okay?"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Snake took the clue. "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Snake.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Fox pried the Nruffs off his skin and took the clue.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Fox.

"Let's go!" said Samus, shoving Fox along violently.

"So can we like, hang out in the pool afterwards?" said Fox in a cute voice, running along.

"No," said Samus angrily. "But I will…"

"Or have a drink in the bar?" asked Fox.

"_I _will," said Samus.

"What does that mean?" asked Fox.

"_I _will," said Samus, grinning slyly.

"…I still don't understand what you're talking about…" said Fox, "I don't understand when you say 'I', do you mean us as a team, or-"

"_I _will," said Samus, holding up a rope and duct tape.

"Oh," whimpered Fox.

"So like… you're going to tie me up?" said Fox.

Samus nodded.

"Which means that we won't be _together_?" said Fox in a cute voice.

"Shut up!" screamed Samus, hitting Fox in the face.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Nruffs Transported: 3_

"Come on, Kirby!" shouted Sonic, zooming past a panting Kirby, holding a Nruff.

"I'm going as fast as I can," said Kirby puffing, dragging the Nruff along slowly.

"Not fast enough!" said Sonic, zooming back from the destination having delivered another Nruff.

_Nruffs Transported: 4_

"Halfway there," said Kirby, puffing, pointing to a sign that signalled there was 500 metres to go.

"Come on, slow coach!" said Sonic, zooming from the first farmhouse and stopping in the middle of the road, grinning arrogantly at Kirby.

"Actually, it's pretty fast," said Kirby, pointing to a large bus that was on the road he was standing on.

"No, slow!" said Sonic, sticking out his tongue.

"Sonic, there's a **bus** heading towards you," said Kirby.

"Don't be silly," laughed Sonic.

"And you're standing right in its path," said Kirby.

"Sonic is _**too**_ good for busses!" said Sonic arrogantly.

Sonic got run over by a bus.

"Huh," said Kirby, mildly surprised.

Kirby stared at Sonic's body.

"I wonder if…" said Kirby.

Kirby licked Sonic's body.

"Uggh! I'm never doing that again!" said Kirby angrily.

"Or am I?" said Kirby, taking another lick.

_Link and Zelda  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Come on, Zelda!" demanded Link, "Carry those Nruffs!"

"I can't! I just can't do it!" cried Zelda, "It's too hard! It's too heavy and…"

"Zelda, you haven't even tried picking one up yet," said Link angrily.

"If we make every task seem dramatic," whispered Zelda loudly, "…then we'll get more airtime when this episode airs!"

"Ah," said Link, nodding understandingly.

"…I just _can't_ do it!" sobbed Zelda. "I have no self-belief, I just can't…"

"Yeah, that's right you hopeless _woman_," said Link proudly.

"Good job," whispered Zelda loudly, stopping her long period of crying. "Your acting is really, really good!"

"That's actually what I think," laughed Link.

Zelda slit Link's throat.

"Why?!" screamed a victimised Link, bleeding onto the ground.

_Scarfy Market_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Which option should we do?" said Young Link after reading the clue. "Pen or Swor-"

"If we do sword I'll stay very still!" said Diddy Kong cheerfully, flaring his arms around wildly and knocking over several bystanders with his uncontrollable spasms.

"I… don't think we will… actually…" said Young Link.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Knuckle Joe in his naturally suave midget voice, "Pen or Sword?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you down there!" laughed Peach.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"You shortie," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe snapped Peach's spine, causing her to collapse to the ground.

"Should we do Sword, Peach?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I agree with that decision," said Knuckle Joe in a high-pitched voice, moving Peach's mouth in lip-sync.

Knuckle Joe chuckled heartily.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Can you actually read the clue?" said Squirtle to Pichu, after taking the clue from the box.

"Let's just tailgate someone," said Pichu.

"K," said Squirtle.

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Mario, "Pen or Sword?"

"Look at me, I'm Italian plumber boy!" said DK angrily in a high-pitched voice, "I didn't even insult you," said Mario angrily.

"You did just then!" said DK angrily.

"No I didn't," said Mario angrily.

"Well… fine…" said DK angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Quickly!" said a hyper Jigglypuff, panicking, "Open the clue! Stop wasting time! Open the clue!"

"You have the clue," said Pikachu, annoyed, pointing to the clue that was in Jigglypuff's hand.

"Well… uh…" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff passed the clue to Pikachu. "Open the clue! Stop wasting time! Open the clue!" said Jigglypuff in a hyper voice.

Pikachu grunted, and then read the clue, "Detour! Pen or Sword?"

"I think we should do pen," said Pikachu, "What do you think?"

"Hurry up and decide, Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "We don't have all day!"

"I said," said Pikachu slowly and angrily, "I think we should do pen."

Jigglypuff smiled dumbly at Pikachu, "There's no need to be angry, dearie!"

"Shut up!" said Pikachu angrily, zapping Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff started to cry.

"There, there," said Pikachu, coming closer to console Jigglypuff, "I'm really sorry and I didn't-"

"Got your face!" giggled Jigglypuff, pulling Pikachu's face off.

Pikachu collapsed to the ground, bleeding.

"…oh… well… uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

_Cappy Town  
Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're here," said Falco, running through a door into the back kitchen.

"There!" said Mewtwo, pointing to a large Amazing Race coloured board.

"Well," chuckled Falco, "Seeing there's 7:00, 7:15 and 7:30 we should go for the earliest time!"

Falco jokingly reached for a card on the board that was labelled '7:30'. Mewtwo used his telekinesis to fling Falco across the room into a pile of sharp knives.

"OW!" screamed Falco, several knives becoming impaled in his stomach, "It was a joke!"

Falco whimpered.

"I don't get jokes," said Mewtwo, taking the '7:00' card.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ to depart at 7:00_

"But was it necessary to fling me into a pile of knives?!" screamed Falco, outraged.

"Yes, yes it was," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi_

Yoshi ran and Snake army-crawled into the kitchen.

"Hey guys!" said Yoshi to Mewtwo and Falco.

"Oh… hey…" said Mewtwo.

Yoshi reached for a '7:00' departure card.

"Snake, if he takes the 7:00 card a bomb will go off," said Falco, grinning smugly.

"Where?! Where?!" screamed Snake, looking around desperately, opening up various drawers and shaking cutlery out in search of a bomb. "How do I stop it?!"

"Just don't take the 7:00 card," said Falco.

Yoshi sighed and took a 7:00 card.

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ to depart at 7:00_

Snake looked shocked at Yoshi.

"It's gonna blow!" screamed Snake.

Nothing happened.

"You dodged a bullet very narrowly today, Yoshi," scolded Snake. "That bomb could have-"

"There was never any bomb…" said Yoshi angrily, "They were tricking us!"

"Are you a commie, huh?" said Snake angrily, "Is that what the communists want us to think?"

"Shut up!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus ran into the room.

"You know," said Mewtwo, "If you don't take a 7:00 card, a bomb will go off."

Samus took a 7:00 card.

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ to depart at 7:00_

"You idiot!" said Falco, "You completely messed it-"

Mewtwo flung Falco into the same pile of knives.

He died.

"That's right, never argue with me," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Cappy Town Sword Shop_

_Wario and Luigi_

"Hey Wario!" said Luigi excitedly, examining a sword, "I think I've found the right sword!"

"I have better things to do," said Wario, slowly migrating over to Luigi, reading a smutty gardening magazine.

"Just double check that this is the same and then we can go!" said Luigi angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Hi!" said the shopkeeper, noticing Peach and Knuckle Joe walk in.

"Hi!" said Peach cheerily to the shop owner. "Knuckle Joe says hi too!"

The shop owner waved to Knuckle Joe.

"Why couldn't he answer by himself? Is he not _high_ enough to talk on his own?" joked the shopkeeper.

Peach and the shop owner chuckled heartily.

Knuckle Joe shot both of them in the feet.

"Just find an identical sword…" whimpered the owner.

_Wario and Luigi_

"I think this is the right sword, Wario!" said Luigi excitedly, holding up the example sword and an identical sword. "Yes, I think it's it! What do you think?"

"I'm not sure…" said Wario walking up to inspect the sword, "Maybe we should ask someone if they're the same."

Wario spotted Peach. "Hey Peach! Are these two swords the same?"

Wario handed Peach the sword.

"Wario, you idiot!" screamed Luigi.

"What?" said Wario, confused.

Peach walked up to the shopkeeper, showed him the sword and took the clue.

"Oh," said Wario.

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily.

"There's no need to raise your voice," said Wario angrily.

"I'll raise my voice when I want to!" said Luigi angrily, raising his fist.

"Ow!" screamed Wario.

"I didn't punch you yet!"

"Oh."

_Rofl Pony_

"Roflz."

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Knuckle Joe ripped open the clue, "You must now-"

Peach snatched the clue.

Knuckle Joe grumbled.

"I'm sorry," said Peach reassuringly, "I read in an article that on average people with your height have much lower intelligence than us _normies_!"

Knuckle Joe grumbled again.

"Now to read the clue!" said Peach proudly.

Peach looked at the clue and stared at it.

"Do you need help?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I'm _trying_ to read!" said Peach angrily.

Peach continued to stare at the clue.

"But you're not actually-"

"No!" said Peach angrily.

_Nruff Farmhouse_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Kirby.

"Where am I?" said Sonic, waking up in a daze. "Am I lying here because I passed out at the satisfaction of me being so _awesome_?"

Sonic grinned arrogantly.

"No," said Kirby, "…you were run over by a truck."

"Did the truck run me over because they were jealous of me being so awesome?" said Sonic smugly.

"No," said Kirby.

"Oh," said Sonic.

"…well I'm sure that's what_ you _think and after all, I'm Sonic and I'm-"

"Enough!" said Kirby, annoyed.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Good job, Zel!" said Link, taking the clue and kissing Zelda on the cheek.

"Come on!" said Zelda, rushing Link out of the farmhouse, "We can still beat Kirby and Sonic!"

"And I've just thought of a pretty dirty trick to get us in front," said Link, slyly.

Link spotted Kirby hopping into a taxi.

"Hey… uh… Kirby! We're some very sick people," shouted Link unconvincingly, "…and seeing that your taxi is the only taxi in the area… well… we need your taxi so we can go to the hospital and…"

"Are you Link?" said Kirby suspiciously.

"No…" said Link weakly, adjusting his fake moustache. "Now give us your taxi so that we can be in front of you and…"

Kirby's taxi drove off.

"You just can't admit to being tricked!" cursed Link.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Good job Ness!" said Bowser cheerily, taking a clue, turning to face Ness, knocking down a wall of the farmhouse with his shell in the process.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Ness.

"Let's go," said Bowser, pushing Ness along.

"Ow!" cried Ness, falling face-first onto the ground.

_Bowser and Ness  
Interview after leg_

"On this race I want to not only become better friends with Ness," said Bowser, "But I also want to show him that I care for him and that I'll do anything to keep him safe on this-"

"Where's Ness?" asked Master Hand.

"Uh…" said Bowser, looking around nervously.

Bowser looked underneath him.

"Heh, heh," laughed Bowser, trying to hide Ness's carcass.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Come on, Young Link! Come on!" said Diddy Kong in a hyper voice, bouncing up and down erratically, "Carry the Nruffs! Come on! We have to carry the Nruffs!"

"I'm trying!" said Young Link angrily, struggling to hold up a Nruff on his back.

Young Link looked at Diddy Kong. "Where are the Nruffs that _you_ are carrying?" he said angrily.

"Oh, I'm just the half of the team that offers moral support," said Diddy Kong confidently.

"Moral support?" said Young Link angrily, "Aren't you know… supposed to help?"

"No," said Diddy Kong, smiling dumbly.

"That's okay," said Young Link angrily, lugging the Nruff along several more metres, "I don't need you! Our team can _easily_ operate on a one-man basis!"

"Oh good!" said Diddy Kong happily, watching Young Link.

"That was sarcasm," said Young Link angrily.

"Sar… casm?" said Diddy Kong slowly, confused.

Young Link groaned.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"So we're like… supposed to move them?" said Squirtle.

"Yep," said Pichu.

Squirtle walked up to the Nruff.

"Hey, can you guys walk over here with us?" asked Squirtle politely, pointing towards the other farmhouse.

The Nruffs did not respond.

Squirtle walked back to Pichu and said angrily, "These guys are so impolite!"

_Mario and DK  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"Mario, you should really start"

_Master Hand_

"CUT! They're too boring for primetime!"

_Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Come on, midget! Sonic and Kirby are behind us!" screamed Peach hysterically, throwing Knuckle Joe out of the car onto the hard gravel.

"Stop calling me midget!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Kirby and Sonic_

"There's Peach and that shortie," said Sonic, jumping out of the taxi, "Come on, we can catch them!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Okay… if I can't call you midget… hurry up, midget!" said Peach smugly.

"…you didn't even change the word," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"I'm trying!" cried Peach.

A confident Sonic and an exhausted Kirby ran past them into the kitchen.

"See how your height impairs you?" said Peach angrily.

"You're the one that's ten metres behind me!" said Knuckle Joe.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Last to Depart at 7:00 AM_

"Good job, Sonic!" said Kirby, taking the final 7:00 token.

"I know I did a good job," boasted Sonic.

Kirby glared at Sonic angrily.

"Oh wait, I'm supposed to compliment you!" said Sonic happily, "You're almost about half as good as me, Kirby!"

Kirby glared at Sonic angrily.

"What?" said Sonic, offended.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
1__st__ to Depart at 7:15 AM_

Knuckle Joe sighed and took a 7:15 token.

"Knuckle Joe, you're too slow!" lectured Peach.

"That's it," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "I have to take decisive action about this!"

"What are you going to do?" said Peach arrogantly, poking out her tongue.

"Where's the nearest gun shop?" asked Knuckle Joe to a local standing several metres away.

"There," said the Waddle Dee, pointing across the road.

"Thanks!" said Knuckle Joe, walking off.

"I think he'll get me a cake because I'm so cool!" said Peach happily.

Knuckle Joe walked back with a gun.

"Is that a cake?" queried Peach.

_Master Hand_

"CUT! They're too boring for primetime!"

_Cappy Town Sword Shop_

_Wario and Luigi_

"Luigi, I think I've found another one!" said Wario excitedly, a large break from his otherwise constant apathy. "They're exactly the same!"

"Well how about you go and check, then?" said Luigi angrily, "Every single other time it's turned out that it's different!"

"But I'm _sure_ this time that's it's real!" said Wario.

"Check it yourself!" said Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There _must_ be some sort of sensible system that we can use to get this done quicker…" said Pikachu to himself. "Jiggles, have you found any-"

Pikachu stared shocked at Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Jigglypuff, lying comfortably under the sword fort she made.

"…you're lying under a pile of swords…" said Pikachu.

"So what?" laughed Jigglypuff, "It's not like-"

The pile collapsed.

Pikachu gnashed his teeth together, trying not to look.

_Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen_

_Link and Zelda  
2__nd__ to depart at 7:15 AM_

Link took the card and smiled smugly at Zelda. "Hey Zelda, why do men like smart women?"

"Why?" said Zelda.

"Opposites attract!" laughed Link.

Zelda stared at Link.

_Bowser and Ness  
3__rd__ to depart: 7:15 AM_

Bowser took a card.

"We arrived her earlier than you," said Link boastfully, trying to upset Bowser.

"We're departing at the same time," said Bowser.

"Oh," said Link.

"So you're not doing a very good job of upsetting me…" said Bowser.

"Fatty," said Link.

"Uh, huh, huh!" sobbed Bowser.

_Nruff Farmhouse_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Nruffs Transported: 0_

"This is ridiculous!" said Young Link, looking at the tenth Nruff that Diddy Kong had dropped on its head due to his general lack of motor function.

"I've got an idea!" said Diddy Kong smugly.

Diddy Kong walked up to the farmhand, "Here's 300 dollars! Give us the clue!"

The farmhand happily complied.

Diddy Kong read: "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must-"

_Master Hand_

"CUT! Put an ad break here!"

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Well, we somehow managed to get the task done!" said Mario happily.

_Cappy Town Sword Shop_

_Wario and Luigi  
On Sword_

"Luigi…" said Wario in a droning, impatient voice, "This is definitely it!"

"Sure… and wasn't the last one _also_ definitely it?" said Luigi angrily, searching for swords.

"Just come and check it!" said Wario angrily.

"Can _**I**_ have a look?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Sure!" said Wario.

Luigi turned around, jaw-dropped and stunned. "Wario! You idiot!"

"Relax," said Wario confidently, "They're just checking it… I'm sure they'll give it…"

Wario noticed Jigglypuff and Pikachu were collecting the clue from the front.

"Waagh!" screamed Wario in frustration.

"Wario, you idiot!" said Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

Read Pikachu, "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where-"

"Good job reading the clue, hun!" said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the back.

"You know I _**can**_ read," said Pikachu, annoyed.

"You're improving every day!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"Can I just finish reading the clue?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Only if you can reach it!" said Jigglypuff, snatching the clue from Pikachu and holding it up in the air playfully.

Pikachu, who was _**taller**_ than Jigglypuff took the clue from her.

She wept.

_Wario and Luigi  
On Sword  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, we have to go to desperate measures now that we're last," whispered Luigi, "You distract him, _**I**_ murder him and then we take the clue!"

Wario walked up to the shopkeeper.

"Have you got the sword?" said the shopkeeper in a jolly British old man's voice.

"Er…" said Wario, looking Luigi creeping behind the shopkeeper, "Yes we do! Can you inspect it?"

"Sure," said the shopkeeper, Luigi raising the sword from behind him, "But _**where**_ is it?"

"He's holding it!" said Wario, pointing at Luigi, who was about to stab.

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily. "Now we won't be able to _kill _him!"

The shopkeeper inspected the sword that Luigi was flailing around wildly.

"In fact, that _**is**_ the correct sword!" celebrated the shopkeep.

Luigi, not listening, stabbed the shopkeeper.

"You idiot!" said Wario angrily, "You just killed him!"

"So I did," observed Luigi.

"We didn't need to," said Wario.

"Should I say sorry?" said Luigi.

"He's dead," said Wario.

"So do I need to?" said Luigi.

"Suppose not," said Wario.

"Okay," said Luigi.

"Seeing he's dead," said Wario.

_Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Last to depart at 7:15 AM_

"I think we're pretty lucky to come near the end but still get in the middle pack," said Young Link to the camera.

"_All teams are now staying overnight and departing at one of three times: 7:00, 7:15 and 7:30!" said Master Hand._

_7:00 AM  
1__st__ group to depart_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You must now make your way up to the top of the Grass Land hill!" read Falco.

"Teams must now hike two kilometres to the top of this hill! Once here, they must find their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Let's go!" said Falco, sprinting off.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Come on!" said Snake demandingly his 'military commander' voice, "Sprint! Sprint!"

"I can't!" said Yoshi, wheezing as he dawdled along. "You worked me too hard this morning!"

"Come on, a light training session shouldn't tire you out," said Snake, flexing his neatly formed biceps and flaunting them to Samus who was several metres away. "Exercise is good for you!"

"I lost half of my bodyweight from that session," said Yoshi wheezing, looking at his practically anorexic lower body.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You know…" joked Fox, pointing to a flying fox in the distance, "If we have to go on that _flying fox_, I think I should go on it… because I'm a _flying fox…_"

"You know, because I'm in a ship and I'm flying and I'm a Fox?" explained Fox.

"Shut up," said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I know you may be faster than all of those," said Kirby impatiently, "But these pre-running stretches and this gear that you're putting on sure isn't putting us in the lead."

"We'll catch up to them as soon as I'm ready!" said Sonic smugly.

"You're not ready yet, are you?" said Kirby angrily.

"We'll catch up to them as soon as I'm ready!" said Sonic smugly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Good run, good run!" said Mewtwo, looking at Fox and Samus lagging behind several hundred metres.

"Take the clue!" said Falco, pointing to a box.

"Road Block!" read Mewtwo, "Who's the perfect consumer?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! Teams must be smart about who does the road block, as each person may only complete a maximum of six road blocks!"  
"In this Road Block, that person must take a thirty litre barrel of Whispy Woods brand apple juice and have its' entire contents consumed!  
"Teams may ask for bystanders to help drink, but the supporting team member may not help consume the drink!"

"I'll do it, I've very _persuasive_," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco chuckled heartily.

"In the way that I can use my mind to choke people," said Mewtwo sadistically, choking Falco.

"I know! I know!" screamed Falco, gasping for air.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Samus after reading the clue.

"With me? Wow, I never knew you were so attracted to me!" said Fox suavely.

"_Anger is only an emotion…_" said Samus to herself, quoting the spiritual anger management course she had taken several weeks ago, "_Contain yourself Samus and you will reach inner salvation._"

"Very funny, Fox!" said Samus, trying to sound as positive as she had. "You are very good at making jokes, I found that-"

"What? I'm not joking!" said Fox sexily, now shirtless and taking off his belt.

"AAAGH!" screamed Samus in frustration, suffocating e

Fox with his own shirt.

_Master Hand_

"_That's_ going in the promos."

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Snake, "I don't think you could drink thirty litres."

"You… do know that you don't have to drink it all…" said Yoshi, confused.

"Sharing is for sissies," said Snake.

"I'm… not sure about this…" said Yoshi uncertainly.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"That was such a good idea!" said Sonic as Kirby ran up the hill at bulleting speeds, "You eat me, you copy my power and now you can run really fast!"

"Yeah!" said Kirby happily, reaching the clue.

Kirby reached the clue box.

"Well done, you're almost _half_ as fast as me!" boasted Sonic.

Kirby read out the clue.

"No, that's probably too nice," said Sonic, inside Kirby's mouth, "Almost a _third_ as fast as me! You fat pink tub of lard… who's inferior to me… and whose breath stinks badly…"

Kirby grabbed the clue.

"Can you let me out?" said Sonic.

Kirby didn't.

"That's odd, I wonder why!" assessed Sonic.

"After all, I'm so awesome and…"

_7:15  
2__nd__ group to depart_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Okay, hurry up! We got to get there first!" said Link, shoving Zelda along.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Geez Link!" scolded Peach, running through the grass half a metre behind Link, "You _have_ to be nicer to your partner! You can't just push him like that!"

Link rolled his eyes.

"I mean, I'm the perfect example! I'm so nice to shorty here! Keeping good care of this guy who is generally incompetent at life!" said Peach, violently tapping Knuckle Joe on the head.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"What?!" said Peach, offended.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"Oh, I see!" said Peach happily, "In your midget language you're trying to tell me that I'm such a nice, loving, generous and heartwarm-"

Peach noticed she had an umbrella lodged in her spine.

"Who would do that to me?!" cried Peach.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"COMEONHURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYLET'SGOYAYAYAYAYLET'SGOCOMEONHURRYHURRYHOOGIMANRANOUTOFTHINGSTOSAYFORMEYEAHYEAHYEAH!" screamed Diddy Kong in a hyper voice, eyes alarmingly widened, dragging Young Link at bullet speeds past Link and Zelda and Peach and Knuckle Joe.

"Could you slow down?" screamed Young Link, covering his eyes, being hit by trees every few seconds.

"NONONONONO!" screamed Diddy Kong excitedly, weaving through a series of twenty rose bushes in a way that Young Link got thorns caught on him every few seconds.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Drink break!" said Bowser, panting, taking another bottle of water from his bag.

"This is ridiculous!" said Ness angrily, "We've gone _twenty_ metres and you've consumed four bottles of water already from exhaustion! This is ridiculous!"

"I'm trying! I really am! I can't do this!" cried Bowser.

"Errgh," grunted Ness.

_Downtown Cappy Town_

_Mewtwo  
30 litres of apple juice left_

"Sir," said Mewtwo, walking up to a Waddle Dee, "Would you like some apple juice? It's free!"

"No thanks," said the Waddle Dee, smiling.

"You'll take one, and you'll enjoy it," threatened Mewtwo, choking the Waddle Dee.

"Okay! Okay!" begged the Waddle Dee.

Mewtwo continued to choke the Waddle Dee.

It died.

"Erm… Mewtwo… you're really supposed to you know… stop choking them…" said Falco.

"He wasn't going to comply," said Mewtwo.

"But he was just about to but then you killed him!" said Falco, frustrated.

_Samus  
26 litres of apple juice left_

Samus explained to a crowd of curious young Waddle Dees, Cappies and Broom Hatters, "For every cup of apple juice you consume, _I_ will personally hit the fox in the head with a mallet!"

"Yay!" said the crowd, lining up.

_Grass Land Hill_

_Snake  
21 litres of apple juice left_

"Snake's actually consumed nine litres of apple juice already," said Yoshi, impressed, watching Snake tip the barrel down, "I'm just scared that he'll get… bladder poisoning of some sort…"

"I lost my bladder years ago," said Snake, gulping down another two hundred millilitres.

"Okay," said Yoshi.

"Wait… what?!"

_Kirby  
24 litres of apple juice left_

"Kirby and Snake both seem to be racing each other to scull the barrel first," said Kirby.

Kirby and Snake stared at each other angrily, both sculling down the barrel of apple juice.

"I consume fifty litres of liquid a day," said Kirby angrily, mouthing down a litre of apple juice.

"I consume fifty metres of puffball meat every day," said Snake angrily, consuming another half litre of apple juice.

"I eat snakes for breakfast," said Kirby angrily, gulping down the last litre.

"I'm not a snake," said Snake angrily, wolfing down another two litres.

"You can't consume fifty metres of meat," said Kirby angrily, drinking the empty barrel.

"I'll consume you now!" threatened Snake, consuming the lack of apple juice in the barrel.

"I'll cut your legs off and eat them and then become Snake legs Kirby," said Kirby angrily, tipping the barrel down into his mouth to put no liquid in his mouth.

"I'll eat your face off and you'll just become this pink blob because you have no face and then I'll regrow my legs and kick you in the head and you feel pain but you have no face so you can't fight back," said Snake angrily.

"Um…" said Yoshi. "You know that both of you guys are done, right?"

"Not the time!" said Snake and Kirby angrily, glaring at each other as they continued to drink virtually nothing.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
5__th__ to Road Block_

"I think you should do this, champion eater," said Young Link, patting Diddy Kong on the head.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Interview after leg_

"I think I can trust Diddy Kong with all of the eating tasks," said Young Link happily, "In Scouts he ate massive quantities of food and he never looked fat!"

"But yet he still doesn't realise the _real reason_ for the disappearance of his parents," said Diddy Kong evilly.

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Young Link heartily.

"Wait… what?!" said Young Link.

_Link and Zelda  
6__th__ to Road Block_

"I think you should do it," said Link.

_Link and Zelda  
Interview before leg_

"Link's such a sweetie," said Zelda, "He says all of these mean things but he doesn't really mean them!"

"If we actually win the prize money… I'll _kill_ her for her half," whispered Link to the camera.

"I heard that," said Zelda angrily.

"HAHAHA funny joke!" laughed Link hysterically, overemphasising every chuckle.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
7__th__ to Road Block_

"I should do it, shortie!" said Peach.

"I am _not_ physically disabled!" shouted Knuckle Joe, "I can do physical tasks with equal or greater ability than you!"

Knuckle Joe attempted to lift up a barrel, but with no success.

"Fine," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "You do it."

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Bowser's not designed for this…" said Ness frustrated, walking along. "We're about three hundred metres up and I can see the others starting…"

_7:30 AM  
Last group to depart_

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way up to the top of the Grass Land hill!" read DK.

"Come on, we have to race smart now," said Mario.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Come on, Jiggles, we have to hurry," said Pikachu, dragging Jigglypuff along.

"We've decided to form an alliance with Squirtle and Pichu," explained Jigglypuff to the camera as she was pulled along by a frustrated Pikachu.

"Hurry up, Jigglypuff," said Pikachu, frustrated at how much friction Jigglypuff was yielding.

"I even designed team shirts yesterday!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Pokemon don't wear shirts," said Pikachu.

"Oh yeah?" said Jigglypuff angrily, "They're still complying."

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"I can't see anything!" complained Pichu, due to the fact that he was blindly running up a hill as a shirt was covering his whole body's surface area, "Can we take them off?"

"No! We'll break the allegiance!" screamed Squirtle in a paranoid manner.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on Wario, you fat tub of lard!" said Luigi angrily, dragging Wario up the hill at a very slow rate.

"I have a heart condition due to my excessive weight!" said Wario, panting,

"You're 23," said Luigi angrily.

"I have a heart condition due to my excessive weight!" said Wario, panting.

_Grass Land Hill_

_Snake  
1__st__ to complete Road Block_

"Snake, you're done," said Yoshi angrily.

"Kirby, you're done," said Sonic angrily.

"I shot a man so many times that it knocked all of the pieces off a monopoly board," boasted Kirby angrily, still drinking the barrel that contained nothing.

"I ate your parents alive and then locked them in a safe and then ate that safe and then threw away the key," said Snake angrily.

"Guys!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Guys!" said Sonic angrily.

"Safes don't have keys," said Kirby angrily.

"Do so," said Snake angrily.

"Shut up, Sonic! You're so annoying!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Shut up, green face!" said Sonic angrily.

"You know, we're actually rather alike," said Snake happily.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "We should be friends."

"Hedgehog breath!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Green nose!" said Sonic angrily.

Some Waddle Dee handed them over the clue.

"We have to beat them!" screamed Kirby, ripping open the clue.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You must now ride a tandem bike two kilometres to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Kirby.

"Teams must now ride a bike two kilometres to Whispy Woods' Garden, the first pit stop in a race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive _**will**_ be eliminated."

"Let's go!" said Sonic.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Go! Go! Go!" screamed Snake, throwing Yoshi onto the bike and pedalling furiously.

Snake and Yoshi and Kirby and Sonic stared angrily at each other, their bikes neck and neck as they rocketed down at speeds of two metres a second.

"Should we… pedal?" said Yoshi.

"Just glare at them, it will put them off their game," said Snake, determined.

Kirby and Sonic started pedalling, giving them a lead of about ten metres.

"I really think we should pedal," said Yoshi, sitting on the stationary bicycle.

"Just glare," said Snake angrily, looking at Kirby and Sonic, who were now forty metres away.

"Just pedal!" screamed Yoshi.

_Samus  
1 litre left_

A Waddle Dee drank another cup of apple juice.

Samus whacked Fox over the head with a baseball bat.

"Yay!" cheered the crowd.

"Drink more!" demanded Samus.

"We're full," complained one of the Waddle Dees.

"You can't be full! It's apple juice, your favourite!" said Samus desperately.

The crowd of cappies and Waddle Dees walked away in disappointment.

"This is so frustrating! Fox, what do I do?" said Samus, panicking.

Fox, being dead, did not respond.

"FOX!" screamed Samus, shaking Fox's body which caused his head to roll off.

"I'm going to have to result to desperate measures…" said Samus, picking up the barrel.

Samus picked up a Waddle Dee and forcefed him the last litre.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Samus sadistically, taking the clue.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Samus.

"Go!" said Samus to Fox's body, running off.

_Mewtwo  
30 litres left_

"Mewtwo," said Falco frustrated, his hands in his palms, "You have to be a bit… less rough…"

"I am _**not**_ rough," said Mewtwo angrily.

Falco pointed to the twenty dead bodies surrounding them.

"Okay, maybe I have to change my ways…" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Good," said Falco happily.

"By getting rid of you!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco.

"Guuh!" screamed Falco.

_Diddy Kong  
7 litres left_

"Diddy Kong has caught up so much to the other teams," said Young Link proudly, watching Diddy Kong gulp down the entire barrel. "I'm just surprised, because it looks like he hasn't taken a breath for five minutes!"

Young Link chuckled.

Diddy Kong realised he had not breathed for the last five minutes.

"This can't end good," said Young Link, clenching his teeth at the fact that Diddy Kong was turning a bit blue.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"There's the pit stop!" said Kirby excitedly, pointing to the world map that was about twenty metres in front of him, next to an angry looking tree. "We've lost Snake and Yoshi, come on!"

"My feet are stuck in the bike locks!" said Sonic, frustrated.

"Hurry!" said Kirby angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Oh my gosh, they're not on the map for any reason," said Yoshi, shocked, pointing to the empty mat fifty metres in front of them, "Come on, we've got this!"

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Just take off your shoe!" said Kirby angrily, "Get it afterwards!"

"I can't take off my shoes! They're my special running shoes!" cried Sonic.

"Grr!" grunted Kirby.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We've got this!" said Snake, jumping off the bike, crushing Yoshi under it.

"Yoshi?" said Snake, looking under the bike.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Snake and Yoshi dashed onto the mat.

"Snake and Yoshi," said Master Hand happily, "You are team number _one_!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
1__st__ team to arrive_

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

Snake stared emotionless at Master Hand.

"And I have some good news for you," said Master Hand, "You have won a trip for seven nights to enchanting Kanto, which you can enjoy after the race!"

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

Snake stared emotionless at Master Hand.

"Come on in, Kirby and Sonic," said Master Hand. "Kirby and Sonic, you are team number two!"

"Eh," said Kirby.

"I've heard you had some communication problems," said Master Hand.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "He's a bit arrogant and we're not working too well as a team. We came second, but it's the first leg and we have a lot to work on."

"I'm Sonic, I'm so cool," sung Sonic.

Kirby head-butted Sonic.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Good job, Samus!" said Fox, running along with Samus onto the mat.

"Fox and Samus, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ to arrive_

"Woo," said Fox and Samus in a semi-excited manner.

"So," interviewed Master Hand, "You said on your bio that you two are entrepreneurs: what exactly do you guys sell?"

Screamed Fox cheerfully, "Drugs-"

"Drums! He said drums!" said Samus, laughing hysterically, slitting Fox's throat at the precise time that the camera went out of focus, "Funny huh? Ha, ha!"

_Grass Land Hill_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"See how easy it was once you put your mind to it?" said Falco, "All you had to do is forcefeed thirty litres to an innocent bystander and we were fine!"

"I guess so," said Mewtwo, opening the clue.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Mewtwo.

"Let's go!" said Falco.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Come on," said Young Link, "We can outpedal these guys!"

Young Link and Diddy Kong hopped on the tandem bike.

They stayed on the bike, stationary.

"Aren't you supposed to… go hyper and stuff and pedal really fast to the pit stop?" said Young Link impatiently.

"The apple juice wore me out," said Diddy Kong, lying on the handlebars, motionless.

"It's eighty percent sugar," said Young Link.

"Sugar wears me out," said Diddy Kong.

"Then what do you go hyper on?!" said Young Link angrily.

_Zelda  
12 litres left_

"I came up with the idea of bottling the apple juice and then letting the supermarket give it away," explained Zelda to the camera. "We just"

"Shut up, woman, it was my idea!" said Link angrily.

"Nonsense," laughed Zelda.

"Well too bad," said Link confidently, "Even if you did have a brilliant conniption, plan or scheme, you must register it under my name as women are legally not allowed to invent!"

"They changed the laws," said Zelda angrily.

"Suure…" said Link, "That's just talk from a crazy woman now!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
26 litres left_

"Peach, charging them for the juice won't exactly help us get rid of the juice quicker," said Knuckle Joe, frustrated.

"I dunno," said Peach confidently, "Sometimes people won't be as eager to accept things if they are free!"

"But forty dollars a cup?!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Mario and DK  
30 litres left_

"Are we like… going to get others to help us drink this?" said Mario.

"Meh," said DK, sitting on the barrel.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
9__th__ to Road Block_

"I'll do it," said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," said Pikachu.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, running up to a barrel and attempting to pick it up.

It didn't budge.

"This is unfair! I quit!" said Jigglypuff, defeated. "It's so boring! I hate this race! I wish you were dead! This is the worst race ever! I can't do this! This-"

"Jigglypuff!" snapped Pikachu.

"Fiiine," said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
10__th__ to Road Block_

"Squirtle, you can really take the shirt off now," said Pichu, slightly annoyed, retrieving the clue.

"We'll break the team allegiance!" screamed Squirtle, cowering in fear.

"What team alliance?" said Pichu, "They've just deserted us!"

"But they might get angry," said Squirtle in fear, clutching on tightly to his shirt.

"I'll do it," sighed Pichu.

_Ness and Bowser  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Come on, Bowser, we're halfway there!" said Ness to a panting Bowser, "We're still five metres in front of Wario and Luigi!"

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hurry up, you tub of lard!" said Luigi angrily, "We can't come last!"

"You're being so supportive!" said Wario angrily, exhausted from climbing up the hill.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

Young Link and Diddy Kong stumbled onto the mat.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

"What?!" said Young Link excitedly.

"You seem a bit surprised with that result," said Master Hand.

"Yeah!" said Young Link, "We were almost last out of the starting line and to go this well is such a shock!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
5__th__ to arrive_

"Mewtwo and Falco, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Pfft," said Falco angrily.

"That sucks," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Grass Land Hill_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Good job, Zel!" said Link.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Zelda.

"Come on, we gotta beat Knuckle Joe and that annoying blonde," remarked Link.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Are you going to take that?" said Peach angrily to Knuckle Joe, who was busy focusing on sprinting towards the bikes.

"Nonsense!" scoffed Peach, "Who would _**ever**_ want to bag me, Princess Peach? The perfect, pretty, pitiful, pretentious, pathetic-"

"Those words are just bagging yourself," said Knuckle Joe.

"Nonsense!" scoffed Peach, "Who would _**ever**_ want to bag me, Princess-"

_Jigglypuff  
16 litres left_

"Jiggles is playing the cute card pretty well," said Pikachu, impressed to the camera. "She's getting in the role very well."

"Uh huh," said Jigglypuff, tipping the barrel into the mouth of a body.

"Jigglypuff! What are you doing?" said Pikachu. "What happened to the crowd of sympathetic people?"

"Well, he _wants_ to drink the apple juice," said Jigglypuff, continuing to tip the barrel into his mouth.

"Jigglypuff… he's dead…" said Pikachu, looking disgusted at the various insects that were latching on to his stomach.

"He's dead only because you have _**three**_ overdue books on **my** library card!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Pichu  
15 litres left_

"So if we drink all of this apple juice, you'll become our lifelong slaves?" said some shady-looking guy, halfway through the barrel.

"Yep," said Squirtle.

"Then I'll drink all of it!" said the man, complying.

"Yay!" said Squirtle and Pichu.

"What does slavery mean?" said Pichu.

"Dunno," said Squirtle, "I think it means he pays us or something."

_DK  
30 litres left_

"DK! Do something with the juice! Don't just sit there!" said Mario angrily, "Drink it or something!"

"I have been drinking the whole time! I've figured I've taken in about fifty cups!" said DK, pointing to a tap.

"Why are you pointing to the tap?" said Mario, puzzled.

"That's where the apple juice is!" said DK angrily.

"The apple juice is in the barrel," said Mario.

"You mean I've been drinking freaking water this entire time?" said DK angrily.

"You idiot!" said Mario.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Bowser, "I'll down that entire barrel in one sip."

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Do you want to do it?" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Then should I do this?" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I thought you stopped this ten hours ago!" said Luigi angrily.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Link and Zelda  
6__th__ to arrive_

"Link and Zelda, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

"We did okay," said Link happily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
7__th__ to arrive_

"Link and Zelda, you are team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"Good job, I guess," said Knuckle Joe, exhausted.

"I'd just like to say," said Peach, "I think a lot of other people have treated us unfairly because of his height! And although I think he's really short, I think I'm tall in heart, tall in great looks and I'm just an all-round great person!"

"Thanks," said Knuckle Joe sarcastically. "You really have a way with words, Peach."

"No problems!" said Peach happily.

_Grass Land Hill_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Jigglypuff.

"Yay, tandem bikes!" said Jigglypuff happily.

Jigglypuff hopped on the bike.

Pikachu hopped on the front seat.

"I can't see!" complained Jigglypuff.

"We'll swap then," said Pikachu, swapping with Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff sat on the front seat.

"What if you abandon me and go for ice cream and don't tell, huh?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm not going to do that!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Okay, at least get me a vanilla while we're there," said Jigglypuff.

"I'm not getting ice cream!" said Pikachu angrily, "We're in a race!"

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

"Well, if you're going to get ice cream," said Jigglypuff, "You might as well get me a-"

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Pichu.

"Let's go!" said Squirtle, hopping on the bike.

"Wow, Pikachu and Jigglypuff are pedalling so slowly," said Pichu, "Maybe we should overtake them."

"No! Don't do it!" said Squirtle, covering his eyes, "If we break the allegiance we'll never be forgiven!"

"There's no allegiance!" said Pichu angrily.

"Yes there is," argued Squirtle, "Jigglypuff! Is there still an allegiance between us two teams?"

"I suppose so if we can manipulate you guys so that we always finish better than you," said Jigglypuff.

"See?" said Squirtle, poking out his tongue.

"But they're just taking advantage of-"

"Allegiance!" said Squirtle angrily.

_Luigi  
5 litres left_

"Hurry Luigi! We have to leave soon!" said Wario desperately, watching Luigi chug down the barrel.

_DK  
3 litres left_

"Wow, this isn't such a bad idea!" said DK with the side of his mouth, grinning innocently at the camera as he covered the gaping hole in the barrel with his body.

"What are you covering with your body?" said the cameraman suspiciously.

"Nothing…" said DK, trying to ignore the fact he was standing in a ditch, up to his shoulders in apple juice.

"Are you… cheating?" said the cameraman suspiciously.

Donkey Kong didn't say anything and just grinned.

_Bowser  
16 litres left_

Ness observed Bowser chugging down the barrel by himself.

"You know, by rotating…"

"Shut up!" snapped Bowser, somehow managing to talk whilst swallowing but then realising that that was impossible, leading him to start choking.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu jokingly started to push each other as they raced for the line. Jigglypuff, who was starting to lag behind Pikachu, got out her knife, threw it at Pikachu and ran on the mat first.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Ow!" said Pikachu, rubbing his head as he stepped onto the mat. "Was that really necessary?"

"Geez, it was just a joke," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Just a little stabbing…"

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Squirtle and Pichu, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Squirtle.

_Grass Land Hill_

_Luigi  
Completed Road Block_

"Luigi! You did it!" cheered Wario, taking the clue.

"See ya guys!" said Luigi, running for a bicycles.

"Bye suckers!" said Wario, poking his tongue out as he ran away.

Wario tripped on a rock and fell face-first onto the ground.

"Okay, that's really funny," laughed Luigi.

Wario did not respond.

"Real funny," said Luigi, slightly annoyed, "Now let's go!"

Wario did not respond.

"WARIO!" screamed Luigi, hysterical, "Don't die on me now!1"

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"Come on, DK!" said Mario, taking the clue and reading it out, "I think we can still stay in!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, get on the bike!" said Ness, panicking, dragging Bowser along.

"I don't know how to ride a bike!" sobbed Bowser, hopping on.

"Don't worry," said Ness, "Just sit there and I'll pedal!"

Ness pedalled furiously for a period of twenty seconds. The bike stood still.

"Good job!" said Bowser supportively, "We're doing so awesome!"

"Grr," said Ness angrily.

_Wario and Luigi_

"I can't believe this," said Luigi, pedalling with Wario resting on the handlebars.

_Mario and DK_

"That's Wario and Luigi!" said Mario excitedly, "We're not going to get eliminated!"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Bowser, just push down with your feet!" said Ness angrily, sitting still on the bike.

"Okay!" said Bowser, "I've got it covered!"

Bowser pushed down as hard as he could, breaking the pedals.

"Aargh!" screamed Ness.

_Wario and Luigi_

Wario woke up.

"Hey!" said Wario angrily, "How come _**you're**_ at the front of the bike?"

"I had to pedal with you asleep for a whole kilometre, do you know how hard that is?" said Luigi angrily.

"I know… but I want to go at the front!" said Wario angrily.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We are definitely going to get eliminated," said Ness, gliding along at one kilometre an hour on the pedal-less bike with Bowser.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"There's the pit stop!" said Luigi excitedly, pointing several hundred metres in front.

_Mario and DK  
Currently in 11__th__ Place_

"We're going to overtake them!" said Mario excitedly, pedalling as fast as he could.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey, at least we're having fun, right?" said Bowser, positively.

Bowser noticed that he leant back too far and Ness was impaled on his shell.

"Heh, heh," chuckled Bowser nervously.

_Wario and Luigi_

"Run!" screamed Luigi, getting off the bike and pulling Wario along.

_Mario and DK_

"We've got this!" said Mario excitedly, two metres in front of Luigi.

_Pit Stop_

_Mario and DK_

Mario and Donkey Kong hopped onto the pit stop mat.

"Mario and DK, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Mario.

"However, you cheated on the Road Block, so you have been penalised for four hours."

_Mario and DK  
4 hours remaining until check-in_

"We didn't cheat!" said Donkey Kong outraged.

Master Hand plugged a video into a nearby VCR.

"_Cheating is so fun!" said Donkey Kong, on the screen._

"You still say you didn't cheat?" said Master Hand angrily.

"Uh…" said Donkey Kong, nervously, "Uh… no… of course we didn't!"

"_And I'm not joking! We really are cheating!" said DK to the camera._

"What about now?" said Master Hand.

"No…" said Donkey Kong, rolling his eyes.

"Just go stand over there," said Master Hand angrily.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Wario and Luigi, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Luigi ecstatically, "I've _**finally**_ made it to the second leg!"

"Not if you're a body!" laughed Master Hand.

Master Hand, Luigi and Wario chuckled heartily.

"Wait…" said Luigi, shocked.

_3:06 PM  
Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Bowser and Ness  
_Bowser and Ness, exhausted, staggered onto the pit stop.

"Bowser and Ness, you are team number… _**eleven!1**_" said Master Hand, "You guys are still in!"

"What?!" said Bowser and Ness in unison, shocked.

_Mario and DK  
Last team to arrive_

"Mario and DK," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive."

Mario and Donkey Kong frowned.

"However, I am pleased to tell you…"

Mario and Donkey Kong grinned.

"…I have called the police and you are being arrested for fraud!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!1" said everyone.

"Curse you!" cursed Mario, being dragged off by Waddle Dee policemen.

The leg ended.

**Finish Times:**

Snake and Yoshi: 8:23 AM

Kirby and Sonic: 8:24 AM

Fox and Samus: 8:33 AM

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 9:01 AM

Mewtwo and Falco: 9:04 AM

Link and Zelda: 9:45 AM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 9:51 AM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 10:30 AM

Squirtle and Pichu: 10:41 AM

Wario and Luigi: 12:02 PM

Bowser and Ness: 3:06 PM

**Mario and DK: 4:01 PM- Eliminated**

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand, "Peach has a confrontation with Mewtwo!"

"_Look at me!" mocked Peach, "I'm a stupid freaking kitty!"_

_Mewtwo choked Peach._

"_That's funny…" observed Peach, "I don't seem to be getting any oxygen to my lungs…"_

"…while Wario and Luigi put everything on the line for a small advantage!"

"_Are we __**really**__ trusting that guy?" said Luigi angrily, pointing to a Koopa in a poorly sewn sheep costume._

"…and can Kirby and Sonic reconcile their differences?"

"_I'm Sonic!" said Sonic, "and I am the coolest, most awesomest bestest person to ever grace the civilised w…"_

_Kirby pulled the trigger._


	2. No, You're a Body!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, twelve teams set off on a race around the world!" said Master Hand. "

"_Go!" screamed Master Hand._

"Teams flew to Dream Land, where Peach was harsh on team mate Knuckle Joe!"

"_I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you down there!" laughed Peach._

_Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach._

…

"_You shortie," said Peach._

"Snake decided to do everything himself in the Road Block…"

"_I'll do it," said Snake, "I don't think you could drink thirty litres."_

"…which helped land him in first place!"

"_Snake and Yoshi," said Master Hand happily, "You are team number one!"_

"_Yay!" said Yoshi._

"At the back of the pack, it was a three-way dead heat to avoid elimination!"

"_Hurry Luigi! We have to leave soon!" said Wario desperately, watching Luigi chug down the barrel._

"_Come on, DK!" said Mario, taking the clue and reading it out, "I think we can still stay in!"_

"_Come on, get on the bike!" said Ness, panicking, dragging Bowser along._

"But when it came to the final task of riding a bike to the pit stop, high school friends Ness and Bowser couldn't get into gear!"

"_I don't know how to ride a bike!" sobbed Bowser, hopping on._

"_Don't worry," said Ness, "Just sit there and I'll pedal!"_

_Ness pedalled furiously for a period of twenty seconds. The bike stood still._

"_Good job!" said Bowser supportively, "We're doing so awesome!"_

"_Grr," said Ness angrily._

"And although it took them three hours to ride two kilometres…"

"_Bowser, just push down with your feet!" said Ness angrily, sitting still on the bike._

"_Okay!" said Bowser, "I've got it covered!"_

_Bowser pushed down as hard as he could, breaking the pedals._

"_Aargh!" screamed Ness._

"…Bowser and Ness were safe!"

"…_you are team number… __**eleven!**__" said Master Hand,_

"_What?!" said Bowser and Ness in unison, shocked._

"Mario and DK, who were penalised for cheating were eliminated," said Master Hand.

"_Yay!1" said everyone._

"Can Mewtwo and Falco, after falling from first to fifth place, crawl back to their ideal spot? Will friction in teams such as Kirby and Sonic and Peach and Knuckle Joe cause them to fall behind? And can Bowser and Ness in last place, catch up three hours and stay in the race? Eleven teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?!"

**Team List:**

Link and Zelda (_Married_)

Young Link and Diddy Kong (_Scouts_)

Bowser and Ness (_High School Friends_)

Mewtwo and Falco (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students_)

Peach and Knuckle Joe (_Lawyers_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs_)

Kirby and Sonic (_Door-to-door Salesmen_)

Wario and Luigi (_Lifelong Friends)_

Squirtle and Pichu (_Playmates_)

"Snake and Yoshi, who were first to arrive at 8:23 AM, will depart at 8:23 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Snake and Yoshi  
1__st__ to depart: 8:23 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle!" read Snake.

"Teams must now travel twelve kilometres by taxi to Dream Land's biggest building, the castle of self-proclaimed king, King Dedede!" said Master Hand. "Once here they must search through the grounds for their next clue, located in the main foyer! However, the grounds do not open until 6:00 AM, so they must take one of three departure cards, each five minutes apart!"

"First out!" cheered Yoshi. "Snake, come on, let's go! We can retain this lead!"

"Yeah! Okay!" cheered Snake, strolling along with Yoshi to the taxi cab.

Yoshi hopped into the taxi. As Snake loaded his bags into the back of the taxi, he heard the sound of large metallic objects clunking together. Snake, cheerily, hopped into the taxi and sat next to Yoshi.

"Snake, do you need that many weapons in your bag?" said Yoshi angrily.

"Safety," said Snake in a patriotic voice.

"And what about those fruit snacks I gave you?" said Yoshi angrily. "Don't tell me you got rid of our food for weapons!"

"Those snacks would have never done us any good. We need protein from meat to help function on this race," said Snake, in an emotionless, husky voice.

"Fine then," sulked Yoshi, "…I'll eat meat."

"Good," said Snake.

…

"_Help!_" screamed a muffled voice from the boot.

…

"Wait… is that a guy in our boot?!" said Yoshi, alarmed.

"We need protein to help function on this race," said Snake, in an emotionless, husky voice.

"Wait, we're going to kill him, for meat?!" screamed Yoshi, exasperated.

"No," said Snake, "**You're** going to kill him for meat."

"What does that mean?!" said Yoshi, scared. "I'm not killing _anyone_ on this race!"

"That's okay… I can fend for myself… I can get my own food…" said Snake in a creepy voice, licking his lips as he observed the flesh on Yoshi's arm.

Yoshi gulped.

_Kirby and Sonic  
2__nd__ to depart: 8:24 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle!" read Kirby, "You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race!"

"Let's go!" said Sonic, running along with Kirby to a taxi.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Interview before leg_

"Although we placed second, I think we need to communicate better if we want to win the million dollar prize," said Kirby.

"That's not true! My communication skills are awesome!" said Sonic.

"And he's also a bit arrogant," whispered Kirby loudly.

"I am _**not**_ arrogant!" said Sonic angrily, making a big jerking motion when he said 'not', causing several pamphlets to fall out of his pocket.

Kirby picked one up. "Convert to Sonicism and worship your hedgehog deity?!" read Kirby, outraged.

"Haha, just a bit of a joke," said Sonic, "However, I do think that the _**inferior**_ creatures will respect me as a god because, between you and me, they're _a bit stupid._"

The several hundred resort staff cast angry looks at Sonic.

"See? They're angry because they haven't been handed a pamphlet yet!" said Sonic in a jolly voice.

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ to depart: 8:33 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle," read Samus, "You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race."

"Come on," said Samus, dragging Fox along.

_Fox and Samus  
Interview before leg_

"I don't actually like anyone at all on this race," said Samus unpleasantly. "And because of my self-centred nature, I think we can do well through this whole race."

"You don't like anyone at all, but you like me, right?" said Fox sweetly.

"No," said Samus.

"Aww," moaned Fox.

…

"So when you say you don't like anyone at all, you still like-"

"No!" said Samus.

"Aww," moaned Fox.

"Can I shoot him?" said Samus angrily.

"No dead people on the race!" said Master Hand angrily.

"Curses!" screamed Samus.

…

"Dead people aren't allowed, but dead… foxes?" suggested Samus cleverly.

"No dead foxes either."

"Curses!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
4__th__ to depart: 9:01 PM_

"You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race," read Diddy Kong.

"We formed an alliance with Mewtwo and Falco overnight, so we'll just wait for them," said Young Link, grinning, "It's so great to be allies with someone who could very well go out and win this race!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
5__th__ to depart: 9:04 PM_

"Haha, they actually stayed there," said Falco, opening the clue.

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle," read Mewtwo, "You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race."

"We are not happy to be anywhere but in first," said Falco to the camera, running to a taxi, "So we've employed the oldest trick in the book and they've fallen for it!"

"We're so clever," said Mewtwo.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Why are they getting into that taxi?!" said Diddy Kong, confused, "I thought they were our allies!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Take us to King Dedede's castle," said Falco, sitting back in the taxi.

There was no driver.

"Oops," chuckled Falco, "…guess we just got into a taxi with no-one driving!"

"All we have to do is get out," said Mewtwo, reaching for the door handle.

He jerked at the door handle several times; it would not open.

"Great! We've been childlocked inside!" cursed Falco.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Well, that serves them for playing dirty," laughed Young Link, hopping into a taxi, "They fell for the ol' locked themselves into an engineless car trick!"

"Haha," laughed Diddy Kong, opening the door of Mewtwo and Falco's taxi, "We locked you inside! And you can't get out! How does it feel to be outplayed at your own game?"

Diddy Kong pulled several faces at Mewtwo and Falco. Falco grunted.

Mewtwo, noticing the door of his taxi was open, hopped out.

"DIDDY KONG, YOU IDIOT!" screamed Young Link.

_King Dedede's Castle_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I don't think there's anyone else here," said Snake, looking around after hopping out of the taxi.

Yoshi ran up to the front gate. "Great!" he shouted, reading a sign, "It opens at six!"

Yoshi grabbed a time card and walked back to Snake.

_Snake and Yoshi  
1__st__ to depart at 6:00 AM_

"Guess we have to set up camp," said Yoshi.

Yoshi noticed they had no tent as Snake's bag was full of weapons.

"Okay…" said Yoshi, "…then let's go to a nearby hotel and… Snake, where did you put our… Snake! Where did you get that gun from?! I didn't see that there before!"

"The money that we were given I spent on a gun," said Snake calmly, polishing his gun with a handkerchief.

"Snake, stop spending all of our money on guns!" screamed Yoshi, infuriated. "We are never, ever going to have to have a practical use for our-"

"OH CRAP COMMUNISTS" screamed Snake without punctuation, shooting some nearby policemen with one of his many guns.

The policemen died.

"How could you?!" said Yoshi angrily, outraged at the bodies.

"You're right, it's disgusting wiping a new gun with a slightly used handkerchief," said Snake, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

…

"I meant the bodies," said Yoshi, crying slightly.

"No, **you're **a body," argued Snake.

_Rofl Pony_  
"Ha, ha, ha. What hilarious shenanigans."

_Kirby and Sonic  
2__nd__ to depart at 6:00 AM_

"In the first group!" cheered Sonic.

_Fox and Samus  
Last to depart at 6:00 AM_

"Great," said Samus angrily, taking a time card, "Stuck with five other freaks!"

"I know, I hate them so much," said Fox angrily.

…

"Wait… if there are six people…" whimpered Fox, "…and you call five of them freaks… does that mean…"

Fox cried. "…you're calling yourself a freak? Don't worry Samus! You don't have to be so down on yourself!"

"Freak," said Samus angrily.

"You are _**not**_ a freak," said Fox angrily.

"GAAAH!" screamed Samus, squeezing on Fox's windpipe so hard he choked to death.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Link and Zelda  
6__th__ to depart: 9:45 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle," read Link, "You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's go!" said Link.

_Link and Zelda  
Married_

"I think this race will be very rewarding for Zelda, as it is always good for a woman's skin to be exposed to sunlight from time to time!" said Link to the camera.

"Wait… are you saying I _**don't**_ get any sun?" said Zelda, offended.

"Well…" said Link, pointing out the obvious, "…it's not too hard to figure that out…"

"I _**do**_ get sun!" said Zelda angrily, putting on her 'outside shoes' angrily, "…in fact… I'm going to go out in the sun _**right now**_! I'm going to prove to you that women are _**not**_ afraid of the sun, or the outdoors! I am going to disprove your female stereotypes and own you, Link, own you at life!"

Zelda, on her feminine high heels, stomped out in a rage.

Zelda ran back in, crying, "The sun's too hot and I saw a moth!"

…

"And we are _**not**_ afraid!" said Zelda angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
7__th__ to depart: 9:51 PM_

"Come on, let's go!" said Peach, after reading the clue.

Peach and Knuckle Joe waddled through the garden and hopped into a taxi.

"Take us to King Dedede's castle!" said Knuckle Joe.

"Rapido! Rapido!" screamed Peach.

"We're in an English-speaking country," said Knuckle Joe angrily. "_Bitch._"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Interview before race_

"Being a well renowned lawyer in my area," said Peach, "I-"

"You've never won a case!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
8__th__ to depart: 10:30 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle," read Pikachu, "You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race!"

"Whee! This is so fun!" cheered Jigglypuff, jumping on the spot.

"Yeah, isn't it?" said Pikachu, jumping on the spot, "Wow, this is so great!"

"Yeah! This is awesome!" cheered Jigglypuff.

…

They stood there, silent.

…

"Jigs, you gotta put your fanny pack and your backpack on if we want to go," said Pikachu.

"I'm not going to put them on until **you** put them on," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I have it on!" said Pikachu angrily, pointing to his backpack.

"Not anymore!" said Jigglypuff, taking Pikachu's backpack off and throwing it off a cliff.

"Jigglypuff! That had our passports!" said Pikachu angrily.

"No, it had _**your**_ passports," said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

Jigglypuff patted around her body to try and find her passport. It was not there.

Pikachu glared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"Heh, heh," chuckled Jigglypuff nervously.

_King Dedede's Castle_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ to depart at 6:05 AM_

"Great," said Falco angrily. "This is definitely not where I want to be right now."

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
2__nd__ to depart at 6:05 AM_

"Great job, Diddy Kong!" said Young Link, giving a high-five, "Being in the second group is awesome!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I just cannot believe how inferior everyone is here," said Mewtwo, sitting on his backpack, looking at the clue box.

"Great, here's those Hyrulian twits," said Falco angrily.

_Link and Zelda  
3__rd__ to depart at 6:05 AM_

"Hey guys!" said Link, waving to Mewtwo.

"Isn't being in the middle of the pack so great, Mewtwo?" said Zelda, cheerfully.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Like, I swear, I'm going to choke the next person that annoys me," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Remember, you can't kill _**anyone**_ on this race," said Falco.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Last to depart at 6:05 AM_

"Hey everyone!" said Peach, walking into the complex. "Isn't it such a joyous day, especially if you're _**not**_ in the first group?"

Peach and Knuckle Joe walked up to Mewtwo and Falco, and sat half a metre away from them, Peach dumbly smiling.

"_Must… resist… homicidal urges…_" thought Mewtwo to himself.

"I got us milky sundaes!" announced Peach, handing an ice cream to Knuckle Joe.

"Peach… uh… you're holding it upside down," said Knuckle Joe, pointing to Peach's upside-down sundae.

"Okay, fine then, I'll put it down on this table," said Peach, referring to Mewtwo.

"_AAAAAGH,_" screamed Mewtwo to himself.

Peach put her sundae ice cream-first onto Mewtwo's gray-ish kitty skin.

"YOU VILE WOMAN!" screamed Mewtwo, cracking, "How could you be so stupid as to put an ice-cream, ice-cream first onto me?"

"Women are _**not**_ vile!" argued Zelda, "Sexist!"

"Shut up!" screamed Mewtwo, levitating Zelda, throwing her a distance of four metres and almost impaling her stomach onto a gate.

"Maybe you deserved that ice cream!" said Peach angrily.

"I'm going to kill you!" screamed Mewtwo.

"No killing on the rac-" said Falco.

Mewtwo flung Falco, impaling him on the gate that almost impaled Zelda but didn't.

"AAAAGH!" screamed Falco, in pain. From the gate that impaled his stomach.

"Look at me!" mocked Peach, "I'm a stupid freaking kitty!"

Mewtwo choked Peach.

"That's funny…" observed Peach, "I don't seem to be getting any oxygen to my lungs…"

"Let go!" said Falco, "Killing someone incurs a fifteen minute time penalty!"

"I hate this," said Mewtwo angrily, dropping Peach.

_Whispy Woods' Garden_

_Squirtle and Pichu  
9__th__ to depart: 10:41 PM_

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle. You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race," read Pichu.

_Squirtle and Pichu_

"Although we're at the back of the pack," explained Squirtle, "We're very happy to have made it to this second leg of the race."

_Wario and Luigi  
10__th__ to depart: 12:02 AM_

"You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race," read Luigi.

_Wario and Luigi_

"Our tactics are cheap," said Luigi to the camera, "But this leg we're going to stay with Bowser and Ness and beat them in a sprint if we do all get equalled up."

"Here's our luxury taxi driver!" said Wario, pointing to a Koopa in a poorly sewn sheep costume.

"Are we **really** trusting that guy?" said Luigi angrily.

"Well …yeah…" said Wario angrily.

They hopped into the taxi. The taxi went off onto the road.

"Wait… can you actually see in that suit?" said Luigi, panicking.

"Eyeholes?!" screamed the Koopa, panicking.

_WTF Chicken_  
"You should have quit 24 chapters ago while you were ahead."

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 3:06 AM_

"_Running to the pit stop in the first leg, Bowser suffered a hernia and needed medical attention during the pit stop time!_" said Master Hand.

"You must make your way by taxi four kilometres to King Dedede's castle. You have thirty-six dollars for this leg of the race," read Ness.

"You okay?" said Ness.

"No," said Bowser. "**BECAUSE I HAVE A HERNIA!**"

"You'll be fine," said Ness.

"You're right," said Bowser, his leg falling off.

…

"Uh… your leg has fallen off…"

"You're right," said Bowser, his leg detached from his body.

_King Dedede's Castle_

_Squirtle and Pichu  
1__st__ to depart at 6:10 AM_

"Yep, everyone else is going to be with us," said Squirtle.

"All teams are now set to enter the castle at three respective times in the morning: 6:00, 6:05 and 6:10!" said Master Hand.

_1__st__ Group  
6:00 AM_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Get ready to sprint," said Sonic in a crouching stance, eyeing the Waddle Dee that was about to open the gate. "I'm going to outrun them all," boasted Sonic, "Being so awesome and then we'll win the million dollar prize and you'll donate your half to me because I'm-"

"Go!" screamed Mewtwo from behind them.

Sonic sprinted and ran into the gate, causing himself to pass out.

"Great," said Kirby angrily.

The Waddle Dee opened the gate.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Search! Search!" screamed Snake, running to several garbage bins and emptying them out for clues.

"Snake, they'd be in a clue box," said Yoshi, trying to pry Snake off the bins. "Why do you think they'd be in bins?!"

"These producers are very clever," said Snake, shifting his head from side to side to scan the area.

"But the clue box is right there!" said Yoshi, pointing to the clue box five metres away.

"That's what the producers want you to think," said Snake.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's the clue!" said Samus, pointing to the clue box outside the lobby.

Fox grabbed a clue and opened it.

"Road Block! Who is a fine diner?" read Fox.

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!" said Master Hand, "In this Road Block, that person must make his way to this second floor restaurant and finish a banquet of six local delicacies! They must finish up their entire plate before going onto the next course!  
"This may seem easy, but the food served is very strange! Teams must try and finish up dishes as quickly as possible, as orders are taken in five minute intervals!"

"I'll do it!" said Fox confidently, "I eat strange dishes on a day-to-day basis! My friends view me as a culinary thrill seeker! I'm the most adventurous-"

"Okay! Okay!" said Samus, fed up, "You can do it!"

"Good choice, because sometimes I even eat… _**microwaved macaroni!**_" said Fox dramatically.

"I knew this was a mistake," said Samus angrily, "Can we switch?"

_Master Hand_  
"No."

_Fox and Samus  
_"I really hate this," said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I wonder who's a better eater?" joked Kirby. "This is going to be a toughie… I mean, who always eats stuff in their games?"

"Clearly it's me," said Sonic proudly, "After all, my copying ability is one of the many reasons why I am the world's most popular video game character-"

"Okay, shut up," demanded Kirby, picking Sonic up, pressing him against a wall, holding a gun to his head, "If you make one more arrogant remark about yourself, I'll kill you."

"You wouldn't shoot," scoffed Sonic, "You're too weak."

Kirby pulled the safety. "Any last words?"

"I'm Sonic!" said Sonic, "and I am the coolest, most awesomest bestest person to ever grace the civilised w…"

Kirby pulled the trigger.

A Waddle Dee, who was behind Kirby stared on in shock as Sonic expired. He whimpered nervously, putting away his autograph book and backing off slowly.

"Um… I'm really not an occasionally bloodthirsty psychotic murder as…" said Kirby nervously, scratching his head.

The Waddle Dee beamed hopefully.

"…he was possessed by evil spirits?" said Kirby.

"I don't believe you!" said the Waddle Dee angrily, "In fact, I taped the entire incident on a camera phone, so if you want your reputation to be saved you're going to have to pay me the sum of _**five million dollars!**_ There is nothing you can do! Your days of being a hero are over! There is absolutely nothing that you can say or do to-"

Kirby ate the Waddle Dee.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I think you should do it," said Snake.

"Really?" said Yoshi, surprised.

"Yep," said Snake.

…

"What, and that's it?" said Yoshi, shocked, "You're going to give the task to me?"

"Yep," said Snake.

"Oh boy, thanks so much!" said Yoshi, licking his lips. "I thought for a moment you'd take the task for yourself because of some stupid reason, like communists or something."

Snake and Yoshi chuckled heartily.

"Ha, ha," chuckled Snake, "…communists."

…

"**COMMUNISTS?!**" screamed Snake, panicking, taking the pin out of a grenade and shoving it into Yoshi's mouth.

_2__nd__ Group  
6:05 AM_

The gate opened.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Who is a fine diner?" read Mewtwo.

"I guess I am," said Falco.

"I guess they'll serve bird there," said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly.

"Ha, ha," said Falco, unamused.

"And if they run out of bird, they'll have to use you," said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly.

"Okay!" said Falco angrily, "What is with all of the random jokes about killing me? Do you want me dead desperately or something?"

…

"Yes," said Mewtwo.

"Haha," laughed Falco, "I guess that explains it all, right?"

"Yes," said Mewtwo, choking Falco slightly.

"Actually, that's a good one!" laughed Falco, "Good thing you're kidding, right?"

"I'm not," said Mewtwo, choking harder.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Who is a fine diner?" read Young Link.

"You're the one for eating and drinking!" said Young Link confidently.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

"Diddy Kong's a big eater," said Young Link to the camera.

"In fact, here's my trophy for winning the eating competition!" said Diddy Kong, holding up a small trophy triumphantly. "And here's my fifty dollar cheque for winning the competition!"

"That's a D minus on a dinosaurs project," said Young Link, inspecting closer.

…

"Well it's a cheque in my imagination!" cried Diddy Kong.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Zelda.

"Let's go then!" said Link, dragging Zelda along.

"Wait! We have to ask for directions!" begged Zelda desperately.

"Must you women require directions for everything?" said Link, fed up, "It's up a single flight of stairs! How do you expect to get lost?"

"Because you always lead us the wrong way!"

"I do **not** lead us the wrong way," said Link angrily. "Men are completely… navigationally… …good?"

"Where's the restaurant then?" said Zelda, smirking.

"There!" said Link, pointing.

"…that's a sewer…"

"Maybe it's a sewer restaurant," said Link angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Peach.

"Don't make me regret this," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"You can trust me!" said Peach, smiling cheerfully.

Knuckle Joe grunted uncertainly.

"And after all, short people don't have the properly developed organs to be able to swallow, so I think I should do it!" said Peach happily.

"I hate you," said Knuckle Joe.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Fox_

"I would like the first course," said Fox to the waiter.

"We have a minute until the order goes through," said Samus to the camera, "And three teams are here, and I think we can stay this way."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Come on, hurry up," said Mewtwo, pulling Falco up the stairs.

_Yoshi_

"We have about thirty seconds before our orders are processed, and nobody else can order for five minutes," said Yoshi.

_Falco_

"We're here!" said Falco, cheering triumphantly, sitting down.

Nobody responded.

"Why isn't anyone responding?" laughed Falco, "…aren't you glad to see me?"

"They're not," said Mewtwo angrily.

"I know that," sighed Falco.

"Shut up and eat. Don't you dare challenge my sarcasm detection," said Mewtwo angrily, choking Falco.

"There's no food to eat!" said Falco desperately.

"The orders have gone through!" said the waiter, walking into the back room.

A mild cheer came from all sitting in the restaurant.

_1__st__ Course_

"The first course!" said the waiter, pushing several covered trays along on a trolley into the room, "…escargot!"

_Kirby  
On 1__st__ course_

"Eww," said Kirby, looking at the snail in front of him.

"It's just a snail!" said Sonic angrily, "…you eat slimier things than that!"

Sonic looked closer at the snails.

"Okay! Several snails! And some of them might still be alive!" said Sonic angrily, "…but just eat it!"

"I don't want to!" said Kirby angrily.

"We have five minutes to!" said Sonic angrily.

_Yoshi  
Finished 1__st__ course_

"Mmm," said Yoshi, licking his lips, "…that snail wasn't so bad!"

"Snail?! I thought that was a tray to discard my used bullets in!" said Snake.

Yoshi's eyes widened.

"Nah, just kidding," laughed Snake.

Yoshi chuckled.

"_I put some fairy floss in there,_" muttered Snake under his breath.

"What did you say?!" said Yoshi, panicking, ringing up the poisons line on his mobile phone.

_Fox  
On 1__st__ course_

"Eww… what is that?" said Fox in a sissy manner with a lisp, "Whatever it is, I'm not touching it!"

"It's um… _what's something that Fox likes to eat?_" said Samus, trying to improvise, "…Slippy?! Yeah… Slippy!"

"But I don't want to eat Slippy," said Fox, moaning.

"Slippy… went to the funfair without you," said Samus.

"Fine then! Be that way!" moaned Fox, finishing up the escargot.

_Falco  
Finished 1__st__ course_

"Done, let's try and discourage Kirby from eating the snails," said Falco.

_Kirby  
On 1__st__ course_

"Man… that was so disgusting!" said Falco from the other side of the room, grinning, "I feel like vomiting!"

"I'm not eating it then," said Kirby angrily.

"Um… well…" said Sonic, "…you'll become… Snail Kirby?!"

"I've always wanted to become a snail!" said Kirby, eating the snail.

…

"You do realise what I said had no logic or reasoning to it, right?" said Sonic.

"Yeah," said Kirby.

_King Dedede's Castle_

_Last Group  
6:10 AM_

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I'll do it?!" said Squirtle.

"Okay!" said Pichu.

Nobody cared.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I'll do it, I have a perfect plan!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"What, putting food in dead bodies?" said Pikachu angrily, "The producers won't let you do that anymore!"

"Fine!" pouted Jigglypuff, "You just have to ruin everything, don't you?!"

"Jigs, we have to play this game properly! It's not like we can cheat our way through this entire race!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I _**can**_ cheat well," pouted Jigglypuff, "…just you watch me! I have a great plan!"

…

"Is it putting food on other people's plates?" said Pikachu.

"YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"I think you should do it," said Luigi, "You seem like the eating type."

…

"Are you calling me a fatass?" said Wario angrily, "That's just mean! And racist!"

"Of course I'm calling you fat! Look at you! You're eating chicken! Not a regular bucket of chicken, but a large bucket of chicken! You're fat! Okay?!" said Luigi hysterically.

"I think _**you**_ eat more than me," said Wario angrily.

…

"Shut up about my anorexia!" cried Luigi.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'll do it," said Bowser.

"You sure you can get up those stairs with that hernia?" asked Ness.

"Stop worrying about me! I feel fine! It's really not all that bad!" said Bowser angrily, "Can we just keep on racing?"

"Okay," said Ness.

…

"You know, scientists say the best treatment for hernias are-" said Ness.

"Shut up, nerd!" screamed Bowser, eating Ness alive.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_2__nd__ Course_

"The second course!" said the waiter dramatically, wheeling a trolley into the room, "Sushi!" On each tray was a small platter of selected raw fish and rice.

_Kirby  
On 2__nd__ course_

"I **don't** want to eat it," said Kirby angrily, using a fork to play with his food, "…it looks disgusting!"

"Kirby, you eat raw fish all the time!" said Sonic angrily.

"Raw fish?! Now I'm not eating it!" said Kirby angrily.

"I'm starting to believe the fact that you eat anything on a day-to-day basis is a lie," said Sonic angrily.

_Falco  
On 2__nd__ course_

"Done!" said Falco,

"You still have to eat that Wasabi on the side," said the waiter, pointing to a large green glob on the side of his plate.

"Be careful," said Jigglypuff, sitting next to Falco, her first course yet to be served to her, "It's very spicy."

"Don't worry little Pokemon," laughed Falco, picking up the blob, "Nothing is too spicy for Falco!"

Falco ate the fifty gram blob in one go.

_Falco  
Completed 2__nd__ course_

"See?!" said Falco confidently.

Falco's face turned into a waterfall of tears as the spiciness overcame his body, sending him into random spasms. "Help!" screamed Falco helplessly.

"Drink this water!" said Jigglypuff, handing a bottle to the desperate blue bird.

"Thanks!" screamed Falco, downing an entire bottle of wasabi-flavoured drink.

"Ah," said Falco, relieved.

…

"WASABI PASTE?!" screamed Falco, going into random spasms again.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

The spiciness was too much for his face, which caused his skin to rip off.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

_Fox  
On 2__nd__ course_

"Eat it," said Samus.

"Will my dad come back from the dead if I do?" said Fox hopefully.

"Yes," said Samus.

Fox ate the sushi.

_Fox  
Completed 2__nd__ course_

Nothing happened.

"He didn't!" cried Fox.

"You didn't eat fast enough," said Samus. "You're such a lousy son. He would be ashamed of you."

Fox cried.

_Yoshi  
Completed 2__nd__ course_

"Mmm, that was some good sushi," said Yoshi, leaning back in his chair.

"You like sushi… which means… you support… JAPAN?!" screamed Snake, taking out a grenade.

"Japan is a democracy! We're past the war era! Don't hurt me!" begged Yoshi.

"Haha, just kidding," laughed Snake, slipping something into Yoshi's mouth.

"Haha," laughed Yoshi.

…

Yoshi's eyes widened. "What was that?!"

"_An after dinner mint,_" cackled Snake under his breath.

"HELP!" screamed Yoshi, calling the poisons line on his mobile phone.

_Kirby  
Completed 2__nd__ course_

"You actually ate it! It's a miracle!" said Sonic sarcastically.

"And I'd like to see **you** eat that!" said Kirby angrily.

_1__st__ Course_

"The first course!" said the waiter, pushing several covered trays along on a trolley into the room, "…escargot!"

_Diddy Kong  
Finished 1__st__ course_

"Done!" screamed Diddy Kong, after downing the entire plate in an instant.

"Good job, Diddy Kong!" said Young Link, "…but what happened to your plate?"

"Oops!" chuckled Diddy Kong. "I guess I ate my plate!"

"STOP COPYING OFF GARFIELD" screamed Donkey Kong, running into the room and hitting Young Link over the face with a chair.

_Zelda  
On 1__st__ course_

"Zelda, eat faster!" said Link angrily, "You're embarrassing yourself! And women!"

_Peach  
On 1__st__ course_

"I had to take this eating task because a disabled person such as Knuckle Joe could not do such an easy and skill-less task," said Peach, looking at the camera.

Peach looked at her food.

"I don't like it!" cried Peach.

"Just shut up and eat!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

Peach looked at the camera. "I'm pretending not to like it, so I can make my disabled team mate here think that I'm actually having difficulties with the task to make him feel better!"

"This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in my life!" said Peach angrily.

"Okay! That's it!" screamed Knuckle Joe, picking up the plate and force-feeding Peach.

_Peach  
Finished 1__st__ course_

_3__rd__ course_

"The third course…" said the waiter, wheeling a trolley into the eating area of the restaurant, "…cow liver!"

_Kirby  
Completed 3__rd__ course_

Kirby ate the entire two kilogram cow liver.

…

"What?" said Sonic, outraged, "…and that's it?!"

"Well, I was hungry," said Kirby angrily.

"But you didn't want to eat the sushi or the snail!" said Sonic, confused.

"I'm a picky eater, okay?" said Kirby angrily.

"But it was two kilograms of partially digested grass and blood! It wasn't even cooked!" said Sonic angrily.

"Well, I _am_ a very picky food connoisseur," said Kirby, putting his hand on his chest.

"But you won't eat sushi?!" said Sonic, confused.

_Falco  
On 3__rd__ course_

"I can't eat anymore," said Falco, staring at the half-eaten liver on his plate.

"You _**will**_ eat it," said Mewtwo angrily.

"I'm going to vomit," said Falco, holding his stomach.

"No you're not!" said Mewtwo angrily, picking up the liver with his telekinesis and shoving it into Falco's mouth.

_Fox  
Finished 3__rd__ course_

"I can't hold it in any longer!" said Falco, just having swallowed an entire kilo of cow liver.

"YOU WILL HOLD IT IN," ordered Mewtwo.

"Okay," said Falco, whimpering.

_Yoshi  
On 3__rd__ course_

"Hurry up, Yoshi!" said Snake angrily, "You have to eat faster!"

"This is the most disgusting thing I've eaten in my life," said Yoshi angrily.

"That's probably because Falco vomited on your plate," said Snake.

Yoshi stared in shock.

…

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Snake.

"Hahaha!" laughed Yoshi heartily.

…

Falco vomited on Yoshi's plate.

"Look!" joked Snake, taking a bit of liver from Yoshi's plate. "I'm eating Falco's vomit!"

Yoshi stared in shock.

Snake chuckled heartily.

_Fox  
On 3__rd__ course_

"I'm **not** eating it!" said Fox firmly, crossing his arms.

"Okay, here's the deal!" said Samus, picking up the liver.

"Yes?" said Fox hopefully.

"If you don't eat your liver, the tooth fairy is going to come!" said Samus.

"Yay!" cheered Fox.

…

"But I've lost all of my teeth," whimpered Fox.

"Exactly," said Samus.

"So if I don't eat it… I'll lose all of my teeth? That would be bad! Horrible! Awful!"

"SHUT UP AND EAT" screamed Samus, force-feeding Fox the entire liver.

_Fox  
Finished 3__rd__ course_

_Diddy Kong  
On 2__nd__ course_

"Almost done, Diddy!" said Young Link, "Good job! Just be careful with the wasa-"

Diddy Kong had already eaten the entire blob.

"So uh… no feeling or sensation in your tongue at all?" said Young Link.

"Shut up!" cried Diddy Kong, "…I have no tastebuds!"

_Diddy Kong  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

_Peach  
On 2__nd__ course_

"I'm making my disabled friend here feel better by pretending that the food-" said Peach to the camera.

"JUST SHUT UP!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Zelda  
On 1__st__ course_

"Why did the woman cross the road?" laughed Link.

"Why?" said Zelda, trying to concentrate on eating the banquet.

"To run away from the mob that was about to lynch her for being a witch!" laughed Link.

"I didn't find that funny," said Zelda.

"WITCH!" screamed Link, pointing at Zelda.

A mob of sixteenth century people ran up to Zelda and burnt her at the stake.

_Squirtle  
On 1__st__ course_

"Mmm, this looks good!" said Squirtle.

"It reminds me of that time I tried eating turtle in a restaurant! Both of the dishes are actually quite similar!" laughed Pichu.

Squirtle stared at his plate, and then at Pichu, whimpering.

_Jigglypuff  
On 1__st__ course_

"You're seriously not going to-" said Pikachu.

"Not going to what?" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, tipping half of her plate onto Bowser's plate.

"Cheat?!" said Pikachu angrily, slapping his face.

"What makes you say that?" said Jigglypuff, tipping the rest onto Wario's plate and shouting, "Done!"

_Jigglypuff  
Finished 1__st__ course_

Jigglypuff beamed proudly.

"You just cheated!" said Pikachu angrily.

"You just have to ruin everything, spoilsport!" cried Jigglypuff.

_Wario  
On 1__st__ course_

"Done!" said Wario, chewing the last of his snails.

"There's more snails on your plate, fatty," said Luigi, pointing at his plate.

"You probably just put it there because you were guilty about eating, Mr. Anorexic," said Wario angrily.

Wario and Luigi both cried to themselves for a short period of time.

_Bowser  
On 1__st__ course_

"Let's go Bowser! Eat! Eat! Eat!" said Ness, cheerfully.

"You're really not helping me," said Bowser angrily.

_4__th__ course_

"The fourth course," said the waiter dramatically. He opened a cover to reveal a hedgehog head, "Hedgehog Surprise!"

_Kirby  
On 4__th__ course_

"Hey, that doesn't look like chocolate," said Kirby, confused, "Actually, that looks like… ah, who's your girlfriend again… uh… Amy! Yeah! That looks like Amy!"

Kirby ate the hedgehog head.

_Kirby  
Finished 4__th__ course_

"And speaking about Amy… did they ever find out who kidnapped her?" said Kirby, patting his stomach.

Sonic whimpered.

_Falco  
On 4__th__ course_

"Hurry up, Falco!" said Mewtwo, trying to hurry up Falco.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" said Falco angrily, "It's a freaking hedgehog head! It's not like I'm going to eat it in ten seconds!"

…

"You know, we're in the Blue Bird restaurant…" said Mewtwo.

"Yes?" said Falco angrily, gnawing on the remaining bones of the hedgehog skull.

"Do you think that they serve blue bird at this restaurant?" laughed Mewtwo, "…seeing it's a blue bird restaurant? That serves blue bird?"

"Shut up! You're the most unfunny person I know!" said Falco angrily.

"Am I?!" said Mewtwo, using his telekinesis to grab Falco by the neck and pin him up against a wall.

"You're very funny!" chuckled Falco nervously.

"Yes, yes, I am," said Mewtwo.

_Fox  
On 4__th__ course_

"If I eat this," said Fox, "Will it stop the hunger problem in Azjerbia?"

"Yes, Fox," said Samus angrily, "It will."

"I'm such a humanitarian!" said Fox happily, eating the hedgehog head without chewing.

_Fox  
Finished 4__th__ course_

…

"Well did the hunger problem stop?" said Fox happily.

"No," said Samus angrily.

"But… but… you promised…" whimpered Fox.

"No."

"But I thought-"

"**NO!**"

_Yoshi  
Finished 3__rd__ course_

"Stop looking sick like that!" said Snake angrily, "It was only a bit of bird vomit that you had to eat!"

"It was _**bird vomit!**_" screamed Yoshi, hysterical.

"I know," said Snake angrily.

"But it's not like it's not a big deal!" said Yoshi hysterically, "…it's bird vomit!"

"Only communists use double negatives!" accused Snake, increasing his volume throughout the sentence, waving a gun accusingly at Yoshi.

"Can you… stop waving that gun?" chuckled Yoshi nervously.

"Only communists would-"

"Shut up!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Diddy Kong  
Finished 3__rd__ course_

"Well, Diddy had a bit of trouble eating that cow liver," said Young Link to the camera, "…but he ate it just in the nick of time so I'm proud of him!"

"What?! Was it cow liver?!" said Diddy Kong, sweating. "I thought you said it was a _hedgehog head!_"

"Don't be silly," laughed Young Link, "…you'll never have to eat that!"

Diddy Kong and Young Link chuckled heartily, until Young Link noticed the others were being served hedgehog head so he started chuckling nervously.

_Peach  
On 2__nd__ course_

"I don't understand Peach!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Are you just pretending to eat and then spitting it out straight away?"

"But I swear somebody's putting food on my plate!" said Peach.

"Just shut up and actually swallow this time," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Jigglypuff  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

"That was an incredibly tasty round of sushi!" said Jigglypuff, chuckling heartily, rubbing her belly.

"You actually ate all of that?" said Knuckle Joe, surprised. "I'm quite-"

"Are you calling me fat?" cried Jigglypuff.

"No! I'm not calling you fat!" said Knuckle Joe defensively.

"Well I'm really upset now!" cried Jigglypuff, "…but how about you just stop all of your allegations of cheating-"

"Cheating?!" said Knuckle Joe suspiciously. "I never said anything about… wait… Were _**you**_ the one putting stuff on Peach's plate?"

"Er… nothing!" said Jigglypuff, shoving wasabi into Knuckle Joe's eyes.

_Wario  
On 2__nd__ course_

"Go on," said Luigi angrily, "Eat that sushi fatty."

Wario continued to chew on the sushi angrily, in silence.

"That's right, get fat from the sushi, fatty," said Luigi angrily, "You're getting fat from eating the sushi, fatty."

Wario finished.

_Wario  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

"Shut up before I sit on you," said Wario angrily.

"Oh yeah, you're really going to do that fatty," said Luigi angrily, "You know what? **You can't!** You're just too weak, fatty. Too-"

Wario sat on Luigi.

"MY BACK!" screamed Luigi, being crushed under the weight.

_Zelda  
On 1__st__ course_

"If you don't finish this plate in the next thirty seconds, I'll divorce you," said Link angrily.

"Who's going to wash your tunic then? It will go dirty!" threatened Zelda.

"I'll… I'll find a way," said Link weakly.

_Squirtle  
On 1__st__ course_

"You're doing good!" cheered Pichu, looking at the five grams of snail Squirtle had consumed in the last five minutes.

_Bowser  
On 1__st__ course_

"Bowser! Hurry up!" ordered Ness.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" screamed Bowser.

"You haven't even eaten anything!"

"Shut up! I'm trying!"

"But you-"

"**Shut up!**"

_5__th__ course_

"The fifth course…" said the waiter dramatically, "…Yoshi surprise!"

_Kirby  
On 5__th__ course_

"Cool!" said Kirby, prodding the Yoshi, "That's pretty cool! And it's got a great sauce and everything!"

The Yoshi, still semi-conscious, rolled over.

"What?!" said Sonic, shocked, "…is it… still alive?"

"And I like the way that they put the cucumbers on the side and…"

"Kirby, I think it's semi-alive, or… semi-dead," said Sonic, alarmed.

"Nonsense!" said Kirby, eating the Yoshi.

_Kirby  
Finished 5__th__ course_

"Look! It's alive!" said Sonic angrily.

"It's not alive!" snapped Kirby.

…

"Hmm, that's strange," said Kirby, feeling some kicking inside his stomach, "…there seems to be some sort of movement in my stomach…"

"See? It's alive!" said Sonic angrily.

_Fox  
On 5__th__ course_

"So if I eat this not quite dead Yoshi…" said Fox, "…you'll reduce carbon emissions in your spaceship by forty percent by 2010?"

"Yes," said Samus angrily.

Fox ate the Yoshi.

"Will you?" said Fox hopefully.

"No," said Samus angrily.

"You're such a liar!" cried Fox.

_Falco  
On 4__th__ course_

"Great! Now we're no longer in first place!" said Mewtwo angrily. "This is all your fault, Falco!"

"No it's not! We're not in first because you pinned me up to a wall so I couldn't eat!" said Falco angrily.

"I did _**not**_," said Mewtwo angrily, pinning Falco up to a wall with his telekinesis.

"See?" said Falco angrily.

"Shut up," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Yoshi  
On 4__th__ course_

"Yoshi, do your brothers proud and finish this meal," said Snake, "…they'd be so proud of you right now…"

"Um… they're still alive?" said Yoshi, confused.

…

"Well _will_ they be if you _don't_ finish this course _right now?_" threatened Snake.

Yoshi gulped and finished the course in two big gulps.

_Yoshi  
Finished 4__th__ course_

_Diddy Kong  
On 4__th__ course_

"Tell me that's not hedgehog head…" said Diddy Kong, scared, "…because I'm mortally petrified of hedgehogs and hedgehog heads!"

"Uh… well you know Kirby and Sonic, those guys that we've been getting along with?" asked Young Link, confused.

"Yes?!" said Diddy Kong, trembling.

"Sonic's a… hedgehog… you know… Sonic the hedgehog? He keeps on calling himself that…"

…

"Because he's a hedgehog," said Young Link.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Diddy Kong hysterically, eating the hedgehog head in self defence.

_Diddy Kong  
Finished 4__th__ course_

_Jigglypuff  
Finished 3__rd__ course_

"Jiggles, you actually going to eat any food?" said Pikachu angrily, watching Jigglypuff chuck an entire cow liver behind her.

"I _**am**_ eating," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"You know, it's great that we're going so quickly but do you have to be so _in character?_" said Pikachu angrily.

"That's it!" snapped Jigglypuff, "Are you doubting my ability to eat food? Look!" Jigglypuff picked up a one gram swab of cow liver. "I'm eating this and I'm-"

Jigglypuff ate it and became full.

She whimpered.

_Peach  
On 2__nd__ course_

"Come on, Peach!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"There's still food on my plate," whimpered Peach.

"I think somebody is tampering with our food," said Knuckle Joe.

…

"Otherwise how could we get an entire _**cow liver**_ on a plate of _**sushi?!**_" screamed Knuckle Joe hysterically.

_Sixth course_

"The final course…" said the waiter dramatically, revealing a cake, "Dessert!"

_Kirby  
On final course_

"Cake?!" said Kirby objectionably. "I can't eat any of this stuff!"

"What?! You can't eat cake?" screamed Sonic, "Of course you can eat cake! It's like the smallest cake I've ever seen! In fact, I'm beginning to think-"

"I hate cake," said Kirby angrily, chewing, "I think it's the worst and most fattening dessert available known to mankind!"

"Kirby, there's- nothing left on your plate, you ate the cake…" said Sonic.

Sonic took the clue.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Stop mocking my disliking for cake!" said Kirby angrily, going off on a tangent, "Your mocking of me is only going to strive me to become-"

Sonic opened the clue envelope.

"Sonic, did you eat the cake for me?" said Kirby angrily.

"I didn't! You did!" said Sonic, taking out the clue envelope.

"I know what this is," said Kirby angrily, "…you're trying to convert me into cake by eating it yourself! And you think that you've actually fooled me into thinking I've eaten the cake! But guess what? You haven't! Because through these security cameras…"

Kirby held up a tape and put it into a conveniently-placed nearby VCR, "…it will show that I have indeed _**not**_ eaten any-"

Kirby noticed he was eating a cake on the screen.

Sonic sighed. "See Kirby? I guess I was right. And I'm not even being arrogant about it or anything!"

"It's got to be Flash animation or something," said Kirby angrily. "…I'll find you out, …I'll expose you…"

"Can we just read the clue?" said Sonic angrily.

Sonic opened the clue. "Detour! Stair or Heir?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Stair or Heir!"  
"In Stair, teams must walk four hundred metres to this side-castle stairwell, in which they must climb thirty flights of stairs to reach Dream Land's highest point: the Castle Top!"  
"This may not seem easy, but there is an elevator on the eighth floor which will lead them to the top! Once they have completed this they will find their next clue!  
"In Heir, teams must walk twenty metres to one of ten auditoriums, which will have a group of local schoolchildren! They must then act in a king-like fashion and either motivate or _emotionally_ disturb that group of children to a point where they will all hold up a card saying that they have been moved/scarred by this speech! Once they have done this, they will be handed their next clue!  
"This may seem relatively straightforward, but about half of them do not understand English, which means teams could be there for a long time!"

"Which one should we do?" said Sonic.

"I'll get you," grovelled Kirby, "Have you got a plate mic hidden somewhere on your body, huh?"

"Okay, that's it, we'll just… run," said Sonic.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Aren't you so proud of me?" said Fox, grinning innocently, "I did that task _all_ by myself! And you didn't even have to falsely bribe me as well!"

"It was cake," said Samus, unamused.

"So you're not proud of me?" whimpered Fox.

"Yes," said Samus.

"Yay!" cheered Fox.

"_Idiot,_" said Samus under her breath, opening the clue.

"Detour! Stair or Heir?" said Samus.

"Ooh, Heir! I can motivate kiddies!" said Fox, grinning.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Diddy Kong  
On final course_

"Well, we're in third place right now and Diddy's taking his time with the cake," said Young Link to the camera, "…but I'm not sure why Yoshi dropped out. He seemed to have some trouble with the last course, I don't know why though!"

_Yoshi  
On 5__th__ course_

"Come on Yoshi! Eat that semi-alive Yoshi!" ordered Snake.

Yoshi cried.

"Okay… uh… semi-_dead_ Yoshi?" said Snake, trying to be comforting.

Yoshi cried even more.

_Zelda  
On 3__rd__ course_

"Zelda, get this!" laughed Link.

"Yes?" said Zelda, annoyed, trying to eat the cow liver.

"Okay, okay," laughed Link, "…a stupid Hyrulian princess walks into a bar… ouch! Because she has no idea how to deal with the outside world, she's a stupid woman, she gets no sunlight and she always walks into bars, being the uncoordinated woman that she is-"  
Zelda slapped Link over the face.

"Ow! What was that for?" said Link angrily.

…

"…you stupid woman…" grunted Link.

_The King Dedede is Awesome Educational Enrichment Auditorium_

_Fox and Samus  
On Heir_

"Okay… here's the plan," said Fox, "I think when they see my upper-body they'll be instantly inspired!"

"Go ahead," said Samus, not telling him her plan was in fact to shoot Fox in front of a crowd of schoolchildren.

"Okay!" said Fox, undoing his belt.

"Uh… Fox… that's your…"

Fox took off everything on his lower body and exclaimed, "Tada! Aren't you all extremely motivated by this?!"

"You idiot," said Samus, putting her face in her hands.

All of the children held up their 'I'm scarred for life' cards.

"Yes!" said Samus, taking a clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Fox spotted the feds at the other end of the hall, coming in with their handcuffs.

"Um…" chuckled Fox nervously, "…can we like, go? …before I get arrested?"

"Yes, yes," said Samus, opening the clue. "You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!"

"Teams must now make travel five kilometres by to a famous site that appeared in the first Kirby game: the Rainbow Resort!" said Master Hand, "…teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive _**will**_ be eliminated."

"Let's go!" screamed Fox, putting his pants back on.

"I'm going to kill you when we get to the pit stop," said Samus angrily.

_East Stairwell_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On stair_

"Hurry up, Kirby! We're only up one flight of stairs!" said Sonic angrily, "I know I'm awesomer than you, but could you at least be a quarter as awesome and be as quick as me?"

"How come you weren't being your usual conceited self in the restaurant?" said Kirby, stumbling up another two steps. "It was almost as if you were trying to lure me in because you wanted to convince me… …that I _**ate that cake!**_"

Kirby pointed at Sonic accusingly.

"Oh, shut up about it already!" said Sonic angrily.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour!" said Young Link, "Stair or Heir?"

"LETSRUNOHBOYFUNFUNFUNRUNRUNRUN," said Diddy Kong excitedly.

"You're the boss!" said Young Link, strolling off in an annoying 50's cartoon fashion.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Quick, we gotta beat those stupid kids," said Falco, "Decide quick!"

"I think we can outrun them!" said Mewtwo.

"Let's go!" screamed Falco, "THERE ARE COMMUNISTS IN THE CAKE!"

_Yoshi  
On Last Course_

"What?! He's lying!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I don't believe you!" screamed Snake, taking out a hammer and them beating Yoshi's cake to a pulp.

"Snake! Now you've ruined it!" said Yoshi angrily. "The cake's just mush now!"

"Well just be glad there are no communists," said Snake.

"Shut up about the communists!" said Yoshi angrily.

…

"…what's that red stuff on my cake?"

"That would be the blood left on my hammer," said Snake.

…

"…from the people that I murdered this morning…"

…

"…for breakfast…"

…

"…and then I dipped this hammer in their blood, cackling evilly as I sung Christmas carols in falsetto…"

…

_Jigglypuff  
On 5__th__ course_

"What? You're actually _**eating**_ the Yoshi?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Well you told me not to cheat!" said Jigglypuff angrily, three quarters of an almost dead Yoshi lodged into her mouth. "You're a ruiner of everything, Pikachu!"

"Ruiner isn't a word!" said Pikachu angrily.

"It is now!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Zelda  
On 4__th__ course_

"I hate your gypsy magic," said Link angrily, as Zelda chomped away happily on her hedgehog, "I can't believe you've cursed me so that an electric shock runs through my body when I say the word woman! I mean what kind of stupid woman are you, woman head?"

Link was electric shocked to death.

_Wario  
On 4__th__ course_

"I wish _**I**_ could put a curse on you so that you'd be electric shocked whenever you said fatty because it's really mean," said Wario angrily.

"Oh yeah? You… you… poo head," said Luigi angrily.

"Waah!" cried Wario.

_Peach  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

"Peach is finally done so we're just counting on that nobody else finishes," said Knuckle Joe nervously, "If they do finish, it's going to be a three-way race to avoiding elimination."

_Squirtle  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

"Good job, Squirtle on eating that turtle!" said Pichu, cheering on Squirtle for eating the sushi.

Squirtle stared, eyes wide open.

"Raw fish! I mean raw fish!" said Pichu.

Squirtle passed out.

_Bowser  
Finished 2__nd__ course_

"I'm done," said Bowser, eating the last piece of sushi.

"Good job," said Ness, "We gotta stay in here!"

_Rainbow Resort_

_Fox and Samus  
_"Come on Fox," said Samus, dragging him out of the taxi, "…look! The pit stop's there!"

Samus and Fox strolled through the beautifully architected front garden and skipped through an expensive fountain in a jolly manner onto the pit stop of the tropical-themed resort.

"Fox and Samus, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" cheered Fox.

"And I have some good news for you guys," said Master Hand, "…as the winners of this leg of the race, you both have won ten thousand dollars!"

"Yay!" cheered Fox.

"So tell me?" said Master Hand happily, "What was your secret of success that's landed you in first place this leg?"

"Lying," said Samus.

"…" said Master Hand, "…uh… well then… um…"

_East Stairwell_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On 4__th__ floor_

"Come on!" said Sonic, panicking, "I hear other people! Hurry up!"

"I'm trying!" panted Kirby.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On 2__nd__ floor_

"This guy never runs out of energy!" said Young Link, tied to Diddy Kong's back as he sprinted up the stairs like a maniac.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 1__st__ floor_

"If you ever need a boost," said Mewtwo, running into the stairwell, "…you can always ask me."

"Last time you gave me a telekinetic boost you broke my collarbone!" said Falco angrily.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"I think we should do heir, I'm always great with children!" said Snake.

Snake laughed in a hysterical kind-of disturbing manner.

Yoshi chuckled nervously.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"There is _**not**_ any way we're going to speak to anyone, okay?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Let's climb stairs!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"But I _**hate**_ stairs," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Oh yeah?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Wanna fight?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Yeah okay!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Jigglypuff started slapping herself which caused her to cry a bit.

"Let's just climb stairs, okay?" said Pikachu, rolling his eyes.

_Wario  
On Last course_

"Come on!" said Luigi angrily, "It's cake! You love cake!"

"A cake killed my dad," said Wario, sobbing.

"No it didn't!"

"Fine then!" sobbed Wario, "I did! But it's the same thing!"

_Zelda  
On 5__th__ course_

"Zelda! Don't get out now! Eat that Yoshi! We're almost being caught up to!" said Link, panicking.

_Peach  
On 3__rd__ course_

"Peach, you ate a liver before when somebody cheated! Why won't you do it now?" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"I've never tried it before!" said Peach angrily. "It looks bad!"

"You ate liver before! Okay! It's sushi!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Really?" said Peach excitedly.

"Okay…" sighed Knuckle Joe, "…yes, yes it is…"

_Squirtle  
On 3__rd__ course_

"Come on, Squirtle!" said Pichu in a really annoying squeaky voice.

_Bowser  
On 3__rd__ course_

"Hurry Bowser! Hurry!" said Ness angrily.

"I'm trying!" said Bowser angrily.

_East Stairwell_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On 8__th__ floor_

"Hey, an elevator!" said Kirby, panting and pointing, "Should we go on it?"

"Sonic _**never**_ cheats," said Sonic proudly.

…

"How do you explain the rockets on your feet?" said Kirby angrily.

"Sonic _**never**_ cheats," said Sonic proudly.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On 7__th__ floor_

"There's another team! Hurry Diddy, hurry!" screamed Young Link.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 6__th__ floor_

"There are those stupid kids!" said Falco in a deep, masculine voice, going into 'charge' mode.

_The King Dedede is Awesome Educational Enrichment Auditorium_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Heir_

"Hey kids! Do you know what happens to communists?" said Snake excitedly.

"Yes?" said the kids in a kind-of annoying unison-kinda way.

"This!" Snake shoved a grenade in Yoshi's mouth.

Yoshi blew up.

"YAY!" cheered the kids, holding up their signs.

Snake took the clue.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the pit stop!" said Snake cheerily.

…

"…Yoshi… you're not here to see this! Yoshi! Where are you?" said Snake.

…

"Yoshi?" said Snake angrily.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're not going to run up stairs," said Luigi sarcastically, "I'm overweight and I get puffed running a distance of ten metres!"

"We can't do heir because I'm so anorexic and my voice is so squeaky that when I talk they laugh at me!" said Wario angrily.

"Can't we just get along?" said Luigi angrily.

"Sure!" said Wario happily.

"Yay!" said Luigi happily. "This is so great!"

…

"_Fatty,_" said Luigi under his breath.

"_I sent a hitman onto your parents,_" said Wario under his breath.

"Wait, WHAT?!" said Luigi, outraged.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Let's do heir, I have a really good idea," said Link menacingly, holding up a clue.

_Bowser  
On 4__th__ course_

"I never expected someone this young to have such an unhealthy and non-functioning body!" said Ness, annoyed.

"I'm ninety-seven," said Bowser.

"But… but… my dad is ninety-seven… …and he's been gone for years," said Ness emotionally.

"Son?!" said Bowser.

"DAD!!!!" screamed Ness in ecstasy, hugging Bowser in the back of the shell before realising that it was really sharp and impaling himself to his own death.

…

"Wait… if we're father and son… how come we're high school buddies?" said Bowser angrily to the production crew.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Better!" said Bowser.

Ness was dead.

"Ness?!" said Bowser, shocked.

Ness was dead.

"Ness?!" said Bowser, shocked.

The same tired joke repeated several times.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Come on, Yoshi!" said Snake, running along with Yoshi to the pit stop of the resort.

"Snake and Yoshi, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yoshi, we have to do better than this!" said Snake angrily.

"I'm sorry," said Yoshi sarcastically, "I just was tackled a lot and had grenades shoved in my mouth by a bloodthirsty maniac!"

"What? Did you spot a communist?!" said Snake, alarmed.

Yoshi slapped his head.

_East Stairwell_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On 16__th__ floor_

"See you suckas!" said Young Link, being carried on Diddy Kong's back past Kirby and Sonic.

"Yeah!" laughed Diddy Kong, "Su-"

Diddy Kong ran into a wall.

"Great," sulked Young Link.

_Kirby and Sonic  
On 16__th__ floor_

"Haha, suckers," said Sonic, running past Diddy Kong.

"Keep an eye on the road," said Kirby.

"Sonic _never_ needs to keep an eye on the road," said Sonic arrogantly, "…simply because I'm so awesome and…"

Sonic ran into a wall.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 16__th__ floor_

"See ya guys!" said Mewtwo, poking his tongue out, running past the other two teams. "Did you have a nice trip?!"

Kirby, Sonic, Young Link and Diddy Kong laughed.

"Heh, they actually laughed at your joke!" said Falco, running onto the seventeenth floor.

"That's because I gassed them," said Mewtwo, cackling evilly.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 8__th__ floor_

"I'm so tired," said Jigglypuff, panting.

"Come on, Jiggles! We have to keep on going!" said Pikachu angrily.

"No!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'm staying here!"

Jigglypuff grunted angrily and then leant back onto the elevator button.

The elevator door opened.

"And there's nothing you can do!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"There's an elevator behind you!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Goodie!" said Jigglypuff happily, running into the elevator.

Pikachu pressed the 30th floor button.

"Is this really ethical? I don't really approve of cheating," said Jigglypuff as the elevator made its way up. "I think you're not playing this game in a fair way! You cheater! You swine!"

"Whatever," said Pikachu.

…

"Wait!" said Pikachu angrily, "…weren't you the one tipping your food onto other people's plates?"

"LOOK! A STAMP!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Where?" said Pikachu, turning his head.

Whilst Pikachu was looking away, Jigglypuff hit Pikachu over the back of the head with a crowbar. Pikachu passed out.

"Heh, heh," cackled Jigglypuff evilly.

The elevator reached the top floor. The door opened.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Pikachu? Come on! Get up!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

Pikachu had passed out.

"Pikachu?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Fine," sighed Jigglypuff, dragging Pikachu to the clue box.

"You must now make your way to the PIT STOP?!" read Jigglypuff dramatically.

Pikachu didn't respond.

"Spoilsport," said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Wario and Luigi  
On 2__nd__ floor_

"Can we go any faster?" said Luigi, watching an exhausted Wario walk up another six steps. "We're only up one flight of stairs!"

"It's hard, okay?!" said Wario angrily.

_The King Dedede is Awesome Educational Enrichment Auditorium_

_Link and Zelda  
On Heir_

Link walked up to the group of children.

"WOMEN SUCK!" screamed Link.

The children held up their 'approval' cards.

Link took the clue.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!" read Link.

"Let's go!" said Link, pushing Zelda along.

…

"So did you like my speech?"

Zelda grumbled.

"Honey?" said Link, disappointed.

Zelda grumbled.

"Zelda? I expect us to work as a team," said Link angrily, "…what's wrong? I haven't done anything wrong! The problem is you! You're a woman, and you have inferior intelligence to-"

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Bowser  
On 4__th__ course_

"Go Dad!" said Ness cheerfully.

"Yeah! We're a team!" said Bowser happily.

"Dad, you haven't teached me how to shave," said Ness angrily.

"That's because I've only been your dad for six minutes," said Bowser angrily. "…and it's _taught_."

"Don't anti-grammar me!" said Ness angrily.

"…" said Bowser, sighing.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Look! There's the hotel! Get out! Get out!" screamed Jigglypuff hysterically.

Pikachu woke up.

"Where am I?!" said Pikachu, dazed.

"I hit you with a bar, honey!" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Link and Zelda_

"There's the resort!" said Link, pointing out of the window, "…and, OH MY GOSH, that's those Pokemon in front of us!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pit stop!" screamed Jigglypuff, jumping out of the taxi.

"Aaagh the humans are behind us!" screamed Pikachu, pointing to Link ten metres behind him.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stumbled on the pit stop.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number **three!**" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Link and Zelda  
Arrived 4__th_

"Come in, Link and Zelda," said Master Hand. "Link and Zelda, you are team number four!"

"Good job, Zel!" said Link.

Zelda looked at Link angrily.

"I understand that Zelda's having some issues with you, Link," said Master Hand.

"Yes, that' because he's being completely unreasonable!" said Zelda angrily, "He's always-"

"No, you're just a woman," laughed Master Hand.

Link and Master Hand chuckled heartily. Zelda started to look up bounty hunters in the phone directory.

_East Stairwell_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Quickly! Hide the clue box as I read it out!" said Falco hysterically, taking a clue. "You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!"

"Is this okay?" said Mewtwo, holding up a tiny gnome.

"What good is a gnome going to do?" said Falco angrily. "No-one's going to fall for that?"

"Do you have any better suggestions?" said Mewtwo angrily.

Falco punched the clue box, causing it to shatter on the ground. "See? Now nobody will be able to see."

"Good thinking!" said Falco, running off.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're here!" said Young Link, spotting the top. "…aren't you tired?"

"Diddy Kong never gets tired!" said Diddy Kong, bouncing up and down in an annoying manner.

"Those idiots," said Young Link, "…they honestly think that knocking a clue box will trick anyone?"

"Just read the clue," said Diddy Kong.

"You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!" read Young Link.

"Let's hurry!" said Young Link.

_Kirby and Sonic  
On 27__th__ floor_

"Hurry Sonic!" said Kirby angrily, "You may be fast, but that doesn't mean every time we get to a new floor, you have to sprint as fast as you can!"

"But what's wrong with going fast?" asked Sonic.

"You've run into a wall twenty-seven times so far!" said Kirby angrily.

_Wario and Luigi  
On 3__rd__ floor_

"This is the farthest I've walked in a while," said Wario, puffing.

"Three flights of stairs!" said Luigi angrily.

"I'm feeling nauseous…"

"If you're this fat and unfit and you keep on saying how much fatter your parents are…" said Luigi, "…well I don't want to know how heavy your parents are."

_Mr. Wario _  
"576 kg."

_Wario and Luigi  
On 3__rd__ floor_

"Combined?"

_Mr. Wario _  
"Each."

_Wario and Luigi  
On 3__rd__ floor_

"Wow, that's pretty fat."

…

"Shut up!" cried Wario.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_  
"I can spot the pit stop!" said Diddy Kong excitedly, pointing to a mat inside the resort they were going into.

"Great, the crazy people are behind us," said Young Link angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_  
"Footrace to the mat," said Mewtwo, determined.

"This is a good time to use your telekinetic powers," said Falco.

"Yeah… heh… heh…"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
_The taxi came to a stop. Young Link threw some cash at the cab driver and started sprinting the fifty metre stretch in front of him.

"Let's go, Diddy!" screamed Young Link.

_Mewtwo and Falco_  
"I'm going to telekinise you two meddling kids to death!" cursed Mewtwo, holding out his arm as he ran on two feet.

"That's not even a word."

"Shut up, Falco!" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
_"Do something!" screamed Young Link, diving on the mat, Diddy Kong about fifteen metres behind him, "…he's going to telekinise you away from the mat!"

"See?" said Mewtwo angrily, Diddy Kong stumbling towards the mat, "_**They**_ think it's a word!"

"He's right in front of you!" screamed Falco, pointing to Diddy who was within arms' reach of Mewtwo.

Mewtwo grabbed Diddy Kong by the collar.

"Hurry Diddy!" screamed Young Link.

"Any last words?" said Mewtwo.

"Yeah… …have this 'how to be evil' instruction manual'!" said Diddy Kong, taking a thick book out from his bag.

"Oh! For me! Really?!" said Mewtwo happily.

Mewtwo opened the book. A boxing glove punched him in the face.

"Yay!" screamed Diddy Kong and Young Link.

Young Link ran onto the mat.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong," said Master Hand, "You're team number five!"

"Good job!" said Young Link.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Arrived 6__th_

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

"I hate this," said Mewtwo.

"I figure as long as the kids get eliminated, we'll win after them," said Falco.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Interview after leg_

"Kids, we're making sure you guys are the _next_ out," said Falco threateningly, looking down the barrel of the camera.

_East Stairwell_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!" read Kirby, "Warning, the last team to arrive _will_ be eliminated."

"Good luck guys!" shouted Sonic, running off.

_Wario and Luigi  
On 4__th__ floor_

"Great," said Luigi, peering through the window of the castle stairwell, "All of the teams are finishing up! Hurry!"

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Good job on the cake," said Ness, opening the clue, "Detour! Stair or Heir?"

"There is _no_ way I am letting you speak in front of a crowd. You'll bore them to death!" said Bowser.

"Fine," said Ness angrily.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"I think we can outrun those high school friends," said Pichu.

"But I thought they were father and son!" said Squirtle hysterically.

"Who cares?" said Pichu, dragging Squirtle along.

"But I need to know!" screamed Squirtle, having a breakdown, "I need to know!"

_Peach  
On last course_

"Great… we're the last ones here," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "And guess what Peach is struggling on? Cake."

"It's too sweet!" cried Peach.

"That's the freaking point of cake!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Kirby and Sonic," said Master Hand, "You're team number seven!"

"What?!" said Sonic, outraged.

"You came in seventh. You suck, Sonic. Dragging Kirby down like that," said Master Hand.

"But it was Kirby's fault!" said Sonic angrily.

"That you ran into walls?" said Kirby angrily.

"Because uh… your suckyness… reflects onto me… so you just drag me down… I'm awesome!" cheered Sonic.

Kirby hit Sonic in the shins.

"Ow!" screamed Sonic.

_Eastern Stairwell_

_Wario and Luigi  
On 6__th__ floor_

"I hear movement!" screamed Luigi hysterically, "We need to move! We need to move!"

_Squirtle and Pichu  
On 2__nd__ floor_

"Hurry! Hurry!" squeaked Squirtle.

_Bowser and Ness  
On 2__nd__ floor_

"Come on, dad! We can beat these little freaks!" said Ness, pulling Bowser up.

Squirtle and Pichu turned around and hissed at Ness.

"Let's see what _**you**_ can do then," laughed Ness.

Squirtle… squirtled Ness to death.

"Ow!" screamed Ness.

_Blue Bird Restaurant_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach, I don't honestly think we can be interesting at all… let's run," said Knuckle Joe.

_Eastern Stairwell_

_Wario and Luigi  
On 7__th__ floor_

"Hurry, fatty! Hurry!" screamed Luigi.

"Is that an elevator?" said Wario curiously, pointing above.

"You wish," said Luigi angrily.

They reached the elevator.

"Look! An elevator!" said Wario excitedly.

"Oh yeah, right," said Luigi sarcastically.

"Look! Look!" screamed Wario hysterically, "Why won't you believe me?!"

_Squirtle and Pichu  
On 5__th__ floor_

"We're catching them! Come on!" said Pichu.

_Bowser and Ness  
On 5__th__ floor_

"Come on, dad!" said Ness.

"Actually, aren't dad's usually… …younger?" said Bowser. "…like… shouldn't you be a turtle kid as well if you are my son?"

"Dad!" said Squirtle, hugging Bowser.

"Oh yeah?!" sobbed Ness. "Um…"

…

"Dad!" said Ness, hugging Pichu.

Pichu looked disturbed and shifted his eyes from side to side in discomfort.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On 2__nd__ floor_

"Come on, shortie! Come on!" said Peach.

"I'm ahead of you," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Oh! And that's _**never**_been done before?" said Peach sarcastically. "So original! Oh so funny!"

Peach stood still.

"The author is _**soooo**_ clever!" said Peach sarcastically, "How about trying to write new material for us or something?!"

"Shut up and run!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Wario and Luigi  
On 8__th__ floor_

"Look! It's an elevator!" screamed Wario, pressing the elevator button.

The elevator opened.

"See?!" said Wario.

"I need more evidence," said Luigi.

"IS ME BASHING YOUR SKULL AGAINST THIS WALL ENOUGH EVIDENCE?!" screamed Wario, pulling his hair out and then picking up Luigi.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
On 7__th__ floor_

"Hey look! It's Wario up ahead!" said Squirtle, climbing up the stairs one by one, "And what's he doing to… …Luigi?!"

"Killing him," said Pichu.

…

_Bowser and Ness  
On 7__th__ floor_

"Look!" said Bowser, "An open elevator! I think we should use it!"

"Come on!" said Ness desperately, running past Bowser and Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On 4__th__ floor_

"Why do I keep on hearing the word 'elevator' up there?" said Knuckle Joe.

"It's because you're a dumb midget," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe took a brick out of a wall and hit Peach's shins with it.

"Ow!" said Peach angrily.

_Wario and Luigi  
On 8__th__ floor_

"Get in the elevator!" screamed Wario, tossing Luigi into the elevator. "Do you believe it's an elevator now?!"

"Shut up and close the door! There are other people coming!" screamed Luigi.

"DO YOU BELIEVE ME?!" screamed Wario hysterically.

_Bowser and Ness  
On 8__th__ floor_

Bowser and Ness ran into the elevator.

"Hi guys!" said Ness, smiling, waving in a friendly manner at Wario.

Wario and Luigi stared angrily at Ness.

Awkwardness filled the room.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
On 8__th__ floor_

"Look! An elevator!" said Pichu, running into the elevator.

"Hi guys!" said Squirtle and Pichu to Bowser and Ness.

"Hi guys!" said Ness to Squirtle and Pichu.

"Hi guys!" said Ness, smiling, waving in a friendly manner at Wario.

Wario and Luigi stared angrily at Ness.

Awkwardness filled the room.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On 8__th__ floor_

"Look! That's why they were saying elevator! There's an elevator right there!" said Knuckle Joe, running into the elevator car.

The elevator doors shut. All last four teams stood there in silence as the choppy elevator made its way up the shaft.

"So we're like the last four teams… isn't that great?!" said Ness happily.

Everybody glared angrily at Ness.

"Heh, heh," laughed Ness nervously.

The elevator doors opened.

"RUN!!!" screamed Ness, dashing for the clue.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way by taxi to the pit stop; Rainbow Resort!" read Ness, "Warning, the last team to arrive will be eliminated!"

"Get a taxi! Get a taxi!" screamed Bowser, running back into the lift.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"You must…" read Peach very slowly.

"READ IT IN THE ELEVATOR!" demanded Knuckle Joe, shoving Peach back into the elevator.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Hold the lift!" screamed Wario, diving into the elevator doors as they were closing.

"Get this fatty out!" screamed Ness.

"I am _**not**_ fat," said Wario angrily.

"Get in, fatty!" said Luigi angrily.

Squirtle and Pichu walked in.

Wario made his way into the lift. All of the teams stood there.

"Great, you idiot!" said Luigi angrily, "Now those stupid rats have caught up to us!"

"We are not _**stupid!**_" said Squirtle angrily.

"Are you implying I'm a rat?" screamed Pichu angrily.

"Knuckle Joe is disabled! So stop making fun of him!" screamed Peach defensively.

Knuckle Joe bit Peach's shin.

"Stop biting me, Bowser!" screamed Peach.

"It was probably that fatty Luigi that did it!" said Bowser angrily.

"Shut up! I'm anorexic!" cried Luigi.

The elevator doors open on the ground floor of the castle complex.

"RUN!!" screamed Ness, sprinting towards the taxi rank.

"This is going to be a four-way taxi race!" screamed Bowser, running at a surprisingly fast speed towards the taxi cab.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Where would you like to-" asked the taxi driver.

"SHUT UP, YOU ELF" screamed Bowser, panicking, throwing the Waddle Dee onto the road. He got crushed by a lot of oncoming cars.

Bowser got into the front of the taxi and began to start driving in a hysterical manner.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Hurry!" screamed Peach. "Hurry!" screamed Peach.

"Where are we going?" asked the taxi driver, confused.

"Hurry!" screamed Peach. "Hurry!" screamed Peach.

"Take us to the Rainbow Resort," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Hurry!" squeaked Squirtle.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Great you fatty! We're in last now!" screamed Luigi.

"Shut up and drive!" screamed Wario.

"I'm not driving!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I think that's a team behind us," said the taxi driver. "I'll drive faster then!"

"Good job, taxi driver!" cheered Ness.

…

"HOW THE HELL DID WE GET A TAXI DRIVER?!" screamed Bowser hysterically, "I THOUGHT I WAS DRIVING!1"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"LEVEL FIVE ON THE TREADMILL!" screamed Peach, "LEVEL FIVE ON THE TREADMILL!"

"We're in a taxi, idiot," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Squirtle and Pichu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"We're one behind another behind another behind another behind another," screamed Squirtle, covering his eyes, "This is too close!"

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Overtake him or something!" screamed Wario at the taxi driver.

"We'd crash then!" said the taxi driver angrily.

"Then kill him!" screamed Wario hysterically, "I can no longer stand this freak anymore!"

_Rainbow Resort_

All of the taxis pulled into the main drive, in a close line of four.

_Wario and Luigi_

"Get out! There's the mat!" screamed Wario, smashing Luigi's head through the door and running out of the taxi.

_Squirtle and Pichu _  
"Get out! Get out!" screamed Pichu, grabbing Squirtle and shuffling along the grass towards the mat.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"For the first time in your life, woman," said Knuckle Joe, the two other teams half a metre in front of him, "Can you run?! Just get to the PIT STOP!!1"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad! You can do it!" said Ness, "…I still think we can overtake them!"

_Wario and Luigi_

"Grab them and throw them off!" screamed Wario.

Luigi, still sprinting, picked up Squirtle and flung him five metres away.

Wario did a somersault and tumbled onto the mat, followed by an exhausted Luigi.

"We made it!" declared Wario.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Go!" screamed Peach desperately, picking up Pichu and flinging him backwards into Bowser's face.

"We've got this!" cheered Knuckle Joe, dragging Peach onto the pit stop mat.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Dad?!" screamed Ness, taking Pichu off Bowser's face.

"Unggh!" screamed Pichu, zapping Ness in his face.

"Gaah!" screamed Ness, falling backwards, Pichu running over him and then onto the mat.

"Look!" said Bowser desperately, "Squirtle's going to jump over you!"

"I won't let you!" screamed Ness, doing a somersault to block Squirtle from getting onto the mat.

Ness and Squirtle both fell away from the mat onto the ground.

"Hurry Ness!" screamed Bowser, stumbling onto the mat, "It's just you two left!"

"I'm not getting owned by some _stupid new character_!" screamed Ness, punching Squirtle in the shell, almost shattering it.

"Water attack!" screamed Squirtle, regurgitating water into Ness's mouth.

"Ew!" screamed Ness, as Squirtle made a mad dash towards the pit stop.

"YOU WON'T!" screamed Bowser, kicking Squirtle away from the mat just as he reached it. "Come on, Ness!"

Ness stumbled towards the line, four metres away.

"You won't do this to us!" cried Pichu, zapping Ness.

Ness took in the electric shock and stumbled towards Pichu.

Squirtle, ten metres away started to sprint for the line.

Pichu shocked Ness again.

Ness, absorbing the continued to stumble towards the mat.

"Hurry Squirtle!" screamed Pichu, Squirtle almost on the matt.

"Go son!" screamed Bowser, picking up Ness and pulling him onto the map.

…

"We did it! We did it!" screamed Ness and Bowser excitedly.

Squirtle, sobbing, crept towards the mat.

Master Hand floated towards the commotion.

"Wario and Luigi, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Wario, hugging Luigi to the point where it was quite uncomfortable.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Peach.

"Bowser and Ness, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

"We're still in," said Bowser.

"And Squirtle and Pichu, you are the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

Squirtle started to cry. Emotional music started to play. "I just wanted to say that this experience on this-"

"Meh," said Master Hand, "Too boring."

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Samus: 7:02 AM

Snake and Yoshi: 7:41 AM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 8:22 AM

Link and Zelda: 8:23 AM

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 9:07 AM

Mewtwo and Falco: 9:08 AM

Kirby and Sonic: 9:35 AM

Wario and Luigi: 10:15 AM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 10:15 AM

Bowser and Ness: 10:16 AM

**Squirtle and Pichu: 10:16 AM- Eliminated**

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand, "Young Link struggles to catch a chicken!"

"_I swear," said Young Link, infuriated, "These freaking things will be the death of me!"_

"_Haha! Even __**I**__ caught one and I'm an ape!" laughed Diddy Kong, holding up a chicken._

"_Grr…" said Young Link._

"Whilst tension begins to build between Kirby and Sonic…"

_Kirby pushed Sonic in front of the herd of rampaging boars._

"_Muahahahaha…" laughed Kirby evilly._

"_AAAAH IM GOING TO DIE aND I WOnT BE Able To reAD mY FANmAIL!" screamed Sonic._

"_Oh, dear," said Kirby._

"…and will Zelda be able to ride a horse?! That stupid woman?!"

"_Women can't ride horses!" said Link dismissively._

_Zelda was riding a horse._

_Perfectly._


	3. Wow, Pikachu! You've Gained Muscle Tone!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, teams went to King Dedede's castle in Dream Land!" said Master Hand. "Kirby displayed a large reluctance in eating a banquet of strange delicacies!"

"_I__**don't**__ want to eat it," said Kirby angrily, using a fork to play with his food, "…it looks disgusting!"_

"_Kirby, you eat raw fish all the time!" said Sonic angrily._

"_Raw fish?! Now I'm not eating it!" said Kirby angrily._

"_I'm starting to believe the fact that you eat anything on a day-to-day basis is a lie," said Sonic angrily._

"…while Fox had none at all…"

"_Will my dad come back from the dead if I do?" said Fox hopefully._

"_Yes," said Samus._

_Fox ate the sushi._

"…helping land them in **first place!**" said Master Hand.

"_Fox and Samus, you are team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yes!" cheered Fox._

"Wario and Luigi got held up with their constant bickering!"

"_We're not going to run up stairs," said Luigi sarcastically, "I'm overweight and I get puffed running a distance of ten metres!"_

"_We can't do heir because I'm so anorexic and my voice is so squeaky that when I talk they laugh at me!" said Wario angrily._

"This landed them with Peach and Knuckle Joe, Bowser and Ness and Squirtle and Pichu in a four way deadlock in a stair climbing detour!"

"_I hear movement!" screamed Luigi hysterically, "We need to move! We need to move!"_

"…and it stayed a dead heat right up until the pit stop, where four teams raced to avoid elimination!"

"_Get out! There's the mat!" screamed Wario, smashing Luigi's head through the door and running out of the taxi._

"Wario and Luigi and Peach and Knuckle Joe arrived eighth and ninth, avoiding elimination! The Pokemon and the father and son raced off to the mat, but Ness's newfound father helped pull them over the line!"

"_Go son!" screamed Bowser, picking up Ness and pulling him onto the map._

"_We did it! We did it!" screamed Ness and Bowser excitedly._

"…causing Squirtle and Pichu to be eliminated!"

_Squirtle started to cry. Emotional music started to play. "I just wanted to say that this experience on this-"_

"_Meh," said Master Hand._

"Can Kirby and Sonic after falling to seventh place, lick their wounds and stay in the race? And can Bowser and Ness with their newfound strength of father and son crawl out of last place?" said Master Hand, "…ten teams remain, who will be eliminated, _**next?**_"

**Team List: **(with puns added by an insult comic)

Link and Zelda_ (How the hell did they get… Married)_

Young Link and Diddy Kong_ (I can't think of a pun involving… Scouts)_

Bowser and Ness_ (Father and Son… …what? They are!)_

Mewtwo and Falco_ (Martial Arts Experts in the field of being a lame talking bird and a pokemon that's not really that good)_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu_ (Dating Pokemon …well I certainly don't want to see them making creamy chocolate sauce, if you know what I mean… …no… I didn't get that either… why aren't you laughing?!)_

Snake and Yoshi_ (Accountancy Students …hey… maybe we should ask them to count how fat they are… ha, ha, ha… …fat… hah, hah I'm so clever…)_

Peach and Knuckle Joe_ (Lawyers …oh man there are too many things I could say here… …because there are a lot of lawyer jokes… …because lawyers suck…)_

Fox and Samus_ (Entrepreneurs selling DRUGS)_

Kirby and Sonic_ (Door-to-door Salesmen selling DRUGS)_

Wario and Luigi_ (Lifelong Friends selling DRUGS… ha ha ha I'm so funny)_

"Fox and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 7:02 AM, will depart at 7:02 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 7:02 PM_

"You must now fly to Ordon Village in Hyrule!" read Samus.

"Teams must now fly over five thousand kilometres to Hyrule!" said Master Hand, "Once they land, they must make their way to 'Bo's House', the house of the village mayor! Once here, they will be handed their next clue!"

"You have zero dollars for this leg of the race," read Samus. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Oh boy!" said Fox, skipping, "So if I wear a green tunic and call myself Link, will all of the elf girls go crazy about me?"

"Why would you want to date an elf?" said Samus angrily.

"Shut up!" cried Fox, "I have _low standards!_"

…

"I like men with low standards," said a slutty Cappy ten metres away from Fox.

"Oh boy! My first girlfriend!" said Fox.

"...um… I'm not sure if that's a girl or a guy," said Samus.

"Shut up! You're just jealous of my girlfriend!" said Fox angrily.

…

"…boyfriend!" said Fox angrily.

…

"…girlfriend!" said Fox angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ to depart: 7:41 PM_

"You must now fly to Ordon Village in Hyrule," read Yoshi, "You have zero dollars for this leg of the race. Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Great," said Snake angrily. "We have no money now!"

"Well it's not _my_ fault!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"I think we've been getting along very well," said Yoshi, "…our only tiny problem is that Snake spends all extra money at the end of the leg on _weapons!_"

"Not true!" said Snake angrily.

…

A cannon fell out of Snake's trench coat.

Yoshi glared at Snake angrily.

"Heh, heh," laughed Snake, "I guess there's my food! Boy, I must've eaten so much!"

"There is no way you could have swallowed that cannon," said Yoshi angrily.

"Watch me!" said Snake angrily, shoving the cannon down his throat in one gulp.

"Wow Snake!" said Yoshi, impressed, "You actually swallowed an entire cannon!"

Yoshi's eyes widened. "Were there cannonballs inside that thing?"

"Yes," said Snake, swallowing some lit matches, "Why do you say that, Yoshi?"

"You just swallowed some matches!" screamed Yoshi, "You're going to kill yourself! The fire is going to react with the fuse of the cannon and you'll-"

"Relax," said Snake sweetly, swallowing some lit firecrackers, "I'll just balance it out with these-"

Snake thought about the several objects he had inserted in his mouth.

"This isn't going to end good, is it?" said Snake, alarmed.

"Well," said Yoshi, amusement on his face, "To find out, first you'd have to-"

Snake blew up.

"I didn't get to say my witty line!" cried Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
3__rd__ to depart: 8:22 PM_

"You must now fly to Ordon Village in Hyrule," read Jigglypuff, reading each word in an overly excited and high-pitched manner, "You have zero dollars for this leg of the race. Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Must you always be so happy?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Looks like _somebody_ didn't get a good night's sleep!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, walking towards the taxi rank.

"Yes!" said Pikachu angrily, "After you shoved that dust on my face and made me have an allergic reaction! I was in hospital!"

"Hospital?!" said Jigglypuff, outraged, "That is _**so**_ selfish of you! While you were gone, I couldn't work out which shower tap was hot and which one was cold…"

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"So my shower was cold!" shrieked Jigglypuff in a high-pitched voice.

"I'm so sorry," said Pikachu, "I didn't realise your shower was so much more important than _**my life!!!!**_"

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"You should be!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "And the shower cap they gave me was so unbelievably big, I-"

Pikachu groaned.

_Link and Zelda  
4__th__ to depart: 8:23 AM_

"You have zero dollars for this leg of the race. Warning! Yield ahead!" read Link.

"Okay, let's roll," said Zelda.

"We noticed Jigglypuff and Pikachu arguing before even opening the clue. I think we can take advantage of this during the leg to get ahead," said Link to the camera.

"Hey guys!" said Zelda, waving to Jigglypuff and Pikachu at the taxi rank.

Link ran up to Jigglypuff's ear. "Pikachu told me he had chocolate cinnamon doughnuts without you," whispered Link.

Jigglypuff's face bloated and started to turn red.

"Okay! Go Zelda!" said Link, "Do your bit now!"

"Jigglypuff says that you're a beautiful person and she wants to commit with you for life!" whispered Zelda.

"Aww," said Pikachu, running to hug Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff slapped Pikachu on the face. "My favourite cinnamon chocolate doughnuts **without me**?!"

Jigglypuff started to fume with anger before starting to hyperventilate.

"Why did you slap me like that?" said Pikachu angrily, "Why are you talking about doughnuts?!"

"Oh sure, just pretend like nothing happened," said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Not quite the result we were expecting, but we're in front nonetheless," chuckled Link, grinning smugly to himself as the taxi drove off.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"And you get to go to hospital while I have to figure out a way to get the keycard into the switch so that I can get light and electricity in the room after I came back from the buffet breakfast and you got to EAT MY FAVOURITE DOUGHNUTS!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Green Greens Airport_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We'd like tickets to Hyrule airport, sweetie," said Fox to the airline worker.

"I can get you a 12:05 AM flight that will land at 6:00 AM local time," said the worker.

"We'll take it!" said Fox, thrusting his fist in a jolly manner.

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"Don't tell _**anyone**_ about it, or else," threatened Fox.

"Get away from me or I'm calling security," said the worker.

"My first true love!" said Fox majestically, holding his hands to his chest as he walked away from the ticket counter.

"She threatened you," said Samus.

"It was a flirty threatening," said Fox, widening his eyes.

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"We'll take the flight," said Yoshi, taking the freshly printed tickets from the airline worker. "So are we set?"

"I don't know… …I think… Mewtwo and Falco… have told the airline worker to _**not tell us about any flights!**_" screamed Snake, banging his fist on the table.

"I assure you sir," said the worker nervously, "This is the first flight to Hyrule since the morning. There are no other flights out!"

"What an interesting ruse you have concocted here, my friend," said Snake, trotting backwards and forwards furiously, hands fluttering behind his back. "…if there are no other flights… then what's **that one?!**"

Snake pointed to a departing plane.

"That's a… flight to… um… the planet of uh… milk…" said the worker nervously, covering the flight schedule in front of him.

"Ah! Those crazy Milk people with their milk houses!" laughed Snake heartily.

"Actually, I think that guy was lying," said Yoshi sceptically.

"Don't be a fool," said Snake wisely.

"But the way he said it-"

"Come along, dearie," said Snake in a British accent, pulling Yoshi along.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
5__th__ to depart: 9:07 PM_

"You must now fly to Ordon Village in Hyrule. You have zero dollars for this leg of the race. Warning! Yield ahead!" read Young Link.

"Great, now we have to beat Falco and Mewtwo," shouted Young Link, sprinting off towards the cab rank.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
6__th__ to depart: 9:08 PM_

"Warning! Yield ahead!" read Mewtwo.

"This is good, we can finally plot our revenge," said Falco, grinning menacingly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts experts_

"If we weren't trained in our martial arts we'd be pretty cheesed off at Young Link and Diddy Kong," said Falco.

"Through our Chuk Kwan Do black belts," said Mewtwo, "We have learnt that when others aggravate us, we simply turn the other cheek!"

…

"Is that why you're sending death threats in blood to their families?" said Falco.

Mewtwo used his telekinesis to keep the camera tilted upwards.

"Haha, what a funny joke!" laughed Mewtwo, quickly placing several pieces of paper behind his back.

"I saw that," said the cameraman angrily.

"Or did you?" said Mewtwo, raising his telekinesis hand threateningly.

"What are you going to do?" laughed the cameraman. "…choke me?"

Mewtwo choked the cameraman.

"AUUUGHASDFGH!" screamed the cameraman.

_Kirby and Sonic  
7__th__ to depart: 9:35 PM_

"Yield ahead!" read Sonic.

"Okay, let's go," said Kirby.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

"Besides from Sonic's arrogance problem," said Kirby. "I…"

"It's just simply me being awesome," said Sonic, putting his hand on his chest.

"Our team has a lot of strengths that can help us win the race," said Kirby, "Like uh… um… er…"

…

"Me!" said Sonic happily.

Kirby punched Sonic in the face.

"Our uh…" said Kirby, "Our er… um…"

_Green Greens Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
3__rd__ on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"Link and Zelda are yield meat," said Jigglypuff angrily, "How dare they spread filthy and venomous lies involving cinnamon chocolate doughnuts!"

"Did you actually believe that?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Yes!" said Jigglypuff, crying, "I always cry when people have cinnamon chocolate doughnuts!"

"Like that kid?" said Pikachu, pointing to a kid who was eating cinnamon chocolate doughnuts.

"Yes!" screamed Jigglypuff, puffing up and confronting the child.

"How_**dare**_ you have that without me, Pikachu!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Actually," laughed the child, "My name is Melvin."

"Ah, what a splendid name," said Jigglypuff. "Goodbye Pikachu! I am not angry over the doughnuts anymore, you may indulge as you please, good boy!"

Jigglypuff waddled back over to Pikachu.

"So?" said Pikachu.

"The issue is sorted, Melvin!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"I'm not Melvin!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Sure, Melvin, sure," said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the head.

…

"Where did you get that doughnut from?" said Pikachu, noticing Jigglypuff chewing on a rather large doughnut.

"From there!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a doughnut statue. "That store was kind enough to bake a large hard doughnut that anyone can eat! Why, I should go up to the CEO and-"

"It's plastic," said Pikachu, "You're eating plastic."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?!" cried Jigglypuff.

_Link and Zelda  
4__th__ on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"I think they caught on to the 'chocolate cinnamon doughnuts' plot," said Zelda, pointing to Jigglypuff and Pikachu, taking a romantic stroll back and forth through the security counters.

"No, you stupid woman!" said Link angrily, "They're arguing! See? They're giggling sarcastically as they play around with the metal detector and their kissing… well… it's an angry… kind of… hateful… kiss?"

"Just… stop trying, Link," said Zelda.

_Rainbow Resort_

_Wario and Luigi  
8__th__ to depart: 10:15 AM_

"You must now fly to Ordon Village in Hyrule," read Luigi, "You have zero dollars for this leg of the race. Warning! Yield ahead!"

"I've always wanted to go to Hyrule! Oh boy!" said Wario happily.

"What? So you can hang with the fat elf people?" said Luigi angrily, "Fatty."

"The fatty thing's getting old," said Wario angrily, "…skinny."

"Oh! And that was so original too!" said Luigi angrily. "Ha, ha, ha, that's so original: fatty!"

"You mean skinny," said Wario angrily.

"Shut up, fatty!" said Luigi angrily.

_Wario and Luigi  
Lifelong Friends_

"I think Wario and I are getting along rather well on this race so far," said Luigi.

…

"Yeah… yeah… we are…" said Wario smiling.

_Master Hand_

"Have they been eliminated yet?" said Master Hand angrily to his Koopa producer.

"Well, the pit stop does have a narrow doorway, it might help get Wario and Luigi eliminated!" said the Koopa.

"Yeah right, nice thought though," said Master Hand.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
9__th__ to depart: 10:16 AM_

"Warning! Yield ahead!" read Peach.

"Let's go," said Knuckle Joe.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"I think after surviving this long," said Peach, "We're looking not to just survive, but to win!"

"What are you talking about?" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "We're two legs in and we've almost been dead last every time!"

"Well,_**you're**_ the one that's dragged us down!" said Peach, "After all, I'm the most awesomest-"

"You're not Sonic, okay?" screamed Knuckle Joe.

"Women suck!" said Peach.

"Not Link either."

"Fatty!"

"Not Wario."

"Shut up! I'm anorexic!"

"Not Luigi either."

"Squeak! Squeak!"

"They're already eliminated."

"Haha, look! I randomly appeared on top of this tree: naked!"

"Good enough," said Knuckle Joe, winding up his disposable camera.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 10:17 AM_

"Warning! Yield ahead!" read Bowser.

"Yeah, I think we're going to need to use it this leg," said Ness desperately.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Now that we're father and son, I think we can play this race a lot different!" said Ness happily, "Like now Dad can teach me things that I've never known before!"

"Like how to shave!" suggested Bowser.

"But… I won't have a beard for a bit…" said Ness.

"Or will you?" said Bowser smiling, patting the steroids bottle.

_Green Greens Airport_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
5__th__ on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"We made it," said Young Link, taking his tickets.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Last on 12:05 Dream Air Flight_

"Apparently we just got the last seats," said Mewtwo, relieved.

_Green Greens Airport_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"So there's no hope of getting on the midnight flight?" said Kirby.

"Nope, sorry," said the airline worker, "I can get you a 3:00 flight though."

"Great," said Kirby, frustrated.

"Maybe if I tell everyone how awesome I am-" said Sonic.

"Shut up!" said Kirby angrily.

_Kirby and Sonic  
1__st__ on 3:00 Hyrule Air Flight_

"Your tickets are booked," said the airline worker.

"Okay, thanks," said Kirby. "…that means every other team is on this flight!"

"All teams are now on direct flights to Hyrule!" said Master Hand, "On the 12:05 AM Dream Air flight that lands at 6:00 AM local time, there is: Fox and Samus, Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Link and Zelda, Young Link and Diddy Kong and Mewtwo and Falco!"

"On the 3:00 Hyrule Air flight that lands at 9:00 AM local time, there is: Kirby and Sonic, Wario and Luigi, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Bowser and Ness! Once they land, they must make their way by taxi two kilometres to 'Bo's House', the house of the village mayor! Once here, they will be handed their next clue!"

_Hyrule Airport_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 6:35 AM_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Ah! Hyrule is so nice!" said Jigglypuff, walking towards a horse and carriage, "It reminds me of our home town!"

"In Kanto do you get attacked by savage animals?" screamed Pikachu, panting, Goron, boar, horse and chicken scratch marks on his back.

"How did you attract so many animals?" said Jigglypuff.

"I have no idea!" screamed Pikachu hysterically.

"Oh! I know! It was the raw meat that I rubbed on you! Animals love that!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"You rubbed raw meat on me?!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Well, accidentally and-"

"You rubbed raw meat on me?!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I think you're being a bit irrational here!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"But you rubbed raw meat on me!" said Pikachu, shocked.

"Pain is character building, sweetie," said Jigglypuff happily.

Pikachu scratched Jigglypuff with a tiny claw, barely making a trickle in her skin.

"Ow!" screamed Jigglypuff, "What was that for? Meanie!"

Jigglypuff sobbed.

"But-"

"I'm sobbing!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Ah, back to swell Hyrule!" said Link.

"Yes! Yes!" said Zelda.

"And I'm here to guide you, instead of a stupid ape!" laughed Link.

"You're saying that as if women have no judgement," said Zelda angrily, "..which is wrong."

"Sure, you judgement-less woman," laughed Link.

"Shut up!" said Zelda angrily, "That is simply untrue!"

Ganondorf in a shady-looking truck pulled up alongside Link and Zelda, who were walking down the pavement of the road.

"Zelda… would you like to come to the magical land where women are treated in a fair and equal manner to men?" said Ganondorf, cackling evilly.

"Boy would I?" said Zelda eagerly, waddling towards the truck.

"Zelda, it's that evil guy that kidnapped you twelve times or so!" said Link angrily.

"He won't do it this time, I trust him with my womanly judgement!" said Zelda happily. "Besides, he's such a charmer-"

Ganondorf put Zelda in her truck and drove off.

"See Zelda?" said Link angrily, "I told you so!"

…

"I told you so!" shouted Link.

"You might want to… get her back?!" said the cameraman.

"As always!" said Link angrily.

Link sat there.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" said the cameraman, confused.

"I'm busy working!" said Link angrily, pasting Zelda's head onto a horse's body in his scrapbook.

"What the?" said the cameraman, confused.

"It's too late!" screamed Link, producing a gun from his pockets.

Link shot the cameraman.

"Mwahaha!" cackled Link evilly, "…and now to dispose of the evidence!"

Link walked up to the camera. "Stop recording, you!"

The camera continued to record Link.

"Are you disobeying my order?" said Link angrily, holding up a sword threateningly to the camera.

…

"Nobody disobeys Link…" said Link dramatically.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Fox and Samus hopped into a carriage.

"Take us to Bo's house!" ordered Fox.

"Yes!" said the chauffer, whipping the horse into action.

Samus and Fox stared out of the windows of the carriage, admiring the lush scenery of the countryside.

"Look!" said Fox, amused, "It's a real elf man! Look! Look! He's an actual elf! He's so small! And cute! Aww!"

…

"I don't see anything there," said Samus.

"Shut up!" cried Fox, "I was using my imagination!"

Fox sobbed.

"Which I don't use much!" cried Fox.

"Wait… I'm getting a psychic vision!" announced Samus.

"Really?" said Fox eagerly.

"Yes! Your father… wants you to shut up!" said Samus.

"Okay!" said Fox happily, not talking.

_James McCloud _

"She never actually talked to me, nor does she have any psychic abilities, but it is nice to see the runt shut up for once."

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Dad?!" said Fox excitedly.

_James McCloud_

"No it's… Aunt Hilda… your… manly-like aunt who looks like me… but isn't…" said James shiftily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Ah," said Fox.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Snake and Yoshi hopped into a carriage.

"Before you go all 'AAH COMMIES' on me," said Yoshi, "You-"

"Commies!" screamed Snake, "Where?!"

"Uggh," said Yoshi angrily.

"Just kidding," laughed Snake.

"Really? The last time you were kidding I was hospitalized for gun shot wounds," said Yoshi angrily.

"Just kidding," laughed Snake, holding a gun up to Yoshi's throat.

"Uh… Snake?" laughed Yoshi nervously.

"Just kidding," laughed Snake, shooting.

…

"Yoshi?"

"Yoshi," said Snake angrily. "These random deaths that you have are not funny anymore, so stop, okay?"

…

"I mean it, Yoshi!" said Snake angrily, "Stop it!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Come on, we gotta make some time up," said Falco, jumping onto a carriage.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're finally in Hyrule!" cheered Diddy Kong, "Now I can finally see that rainbow boat that was in melee!"

"There's no rainbow boat," said Young Link.

"Finally get to see a Koopa?"

"There are _**no **_Koopas in Hyrule," said Young Link angrily.

"Before we invaded," said the Koopa taxi driver, turning around to face Young Link, grinning menacingly, holding up a… …Goomba threateningly.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Young Link.

_Ordon Village_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Great, Link and Zelda are right behind us," said Pikachu.

"We're going to yield them, right?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Sure," said Pikachu.

Pikachu's face turned into fumes of anger. "After all, she did dump me for_**LINK!!!!**_"

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Somebody called your name…" said Zelda, "And look! There's the Pokemon! Right in front of us!"

"Relax," said Link.

"Don't you think they'd yield us?" said Zelda.

"No they wouldn't! Those stupid Pokemon are too dumb to understand English," laughed Link.

"No we're not!" shouted Pikachu from the horse in front.

"Ha, ha, good one, Zelda," laughed Link.

"And we heard everything you said!" shouted Jigglypuff angrily.

"Zelda, your Jigglypuff impression is so good," laughed Link.

_Bo's House_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Here you go!" screamed Jigglypuff, throwing some rupees at the driver and hopping out.

_Link and Zelda_

"Come on, Zelda! We can't lose to those stupid Pokemon again!" screamed Link.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu scampered into the house and ran onto the Yield mat.

"Yield!" said Jigglypuff.

"Yield!" said Master Hand, "When teams exercise their yield power, they force another team to flip over this hourglass and stop that team from racing until the hourglass has run out!"

"For a yield to be exercised properly they can only yield teams that are behind them. This is one of five yields on the race, and teams may only use their powers once, so they must decide when it is most applicable!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We choose to yield Link and Zelda!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Link and Zelda's picture onto the board.

"Awesome," said Pikachu. "Mr. Mayor, may we have our clue?"

"Yes, yes, indeed!" said the mayor, handing over their clue.

"Detour!" read Jigglypuff, "Horse it or Norse it?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, Horse it or Norse it!"

"In Horse it, teams must travel six kilometres to Hyrule field, where they must then find this stable! Once here, they must travel one sick horse each to this vet, where one team member will be given a gun! Teams must then get back on their horses and shoot one of the two horses! Once they have done this, they will be handed their next clue! This seems easy, but falling off a dying horse may cause some physical damage to racers!"

"In Norse it, teams must dress up in Viking period clothing and using swords, go to this local cellar and slash through thousands of wine bottles for their next clue! This may seem easy, but it is quite, idiotic."

"Ooh! Norse it!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Let's go!" said Pikachu happily.

_Link and Zelda  
Yielded_

"Hi Mayor Bo!" said Link happily, walking into the house. "…WHAT?! They yielded us? Those dirty Pokemon!"

Link flipped over the hourglass.

"This is infuriating!" said Link angrily, "This is maddening! This is outrageous! This is annoying! This is irritating! This is exasperating!"

Link stopped.

"What, your angry testosterone-filled rant is over?" asked Zelda.

"Well woman, there are simply _no_ more words to describe this situation! The English language simply cannot allow any more words!" said Link. "You should know that by now you inferior-"

"Irksome, frustrating, grating, nauseating, vexing, peeving, galling, angering, shameful, shocking, contemptible, despicable, aggravating, niggling, inconvenient, difficult, shocking, appalling, dreadful, scandalous, outrageous," said Zelda, "Disgusting, …"

"Silence, woman!" said Link angrily, "What did you do? Memorise the dictionary or something?"

"No, I passed Year Seven English," said Zelda.

…

"Just because I didn't!" cried Link.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hi guys!" said Fox, giggling, taking the clue. "Detour! Ooh, and there's a Fast Forward!"

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "In a Fast Forward, one team can skip all tasks and go to their next clue in exchange for the completion of a particular task! This is only one of four Fast Forwards, so teams must decide when it is most applicable to use it!"

"To claim this Fast Forward, teams must run to Jaggle's House, a place that is now infested with chickens! They must pick up twenty of two hundred chickens and put them into this cage to receive the fast forward clue!"

"Nah, let's go Norse It," said Samus.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey!" said Yoshi cheerfully taking the clue, "Detour! Horse it or Norse it?"

"Horse it," said Snake.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Fast Forward sounds good," said Falco.

"Okay, let's do it," said Mewtwo.

"After all," said Falco confidently, "Nothing could ever go wrong!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Wanna try the Fast Forward?" asked Diddy Kong.

"Yeah, let's go," said Young Link.

_Link and Zelda  
Yielded: In 6__th__ Place_

"This really sucks," said Link angrily, staring at the hourglass. "I know! Zelda, use your witch powers to cheat and-"

The production people stared at Link angrily.

"Or not," chuckled Link.

…

"_Quick, go now!_" whispered Link loudly.

"We can hear you," said the cameraman angrily.

_Ordon Fancy Dress Shop_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Norse It_

"Look at me!" said Jigglypuff, a helmet covering the entire of her body, "…I'm a Viking!"

"Can you even see with that?" said Pikachu, wearing a more suitable Pokemon-sized helmet.

"Sure, just ruin my fun!" sulked Jigglypuff from under her helmet.

Jigglypuff walked into a wall.

"Wow Pikachu! You've gained muscle tone!" said Jigglypuff, in a daze. "And you seem to be getting quite wall-like too!"

_Fox and Samus  
On Norse It_

"You know…" said Fox, grinning slyly, "Being under all this armour is… making me want to see what's under… your armour…"

"The Vikings used to gut people alive," said Samus.

"Really?!" said Fox in his 'cute' mode.

"Yes," said Samus.

"Wow," said Fox excitedly.

Samus gutted Fox alive.

"Ow!" cried Fox.

…

"You're not going to…" cried Fox.

"Eat your flesh? Eww, no way," said Samus angrily.

"Ah," said Fox.

Fox looked away.

Samus quickly grabbed a handful and stored it in a nearby plastic bag.

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
0/20 Chickens_

"Use your telekinesis!" said Falco.

"Sure," said Mewtwo, picking up the chicken, choking it and placing it inside his cage.

"No! It has to be alive and picked up with the hands!" said some random guy angrily.

"Fine," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Do we want to quit?" said Falco.

"Come on! This is our chance at first place!" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
0/20 Chickens_

"I hate this," said Young Link angrily, hitting a chicken repeatedly with a sword, "It's like I keep on hitting them and they"

"Haha! Even **I** caught one and I'm an ape!" laughed Diddy Kong, holding up a chicken.

"Grr…" said Young Link.

Young Link looked closer.

"Diddy… that's a fake chicken from the gift shop… …which explains why it's made out of wood… …and how it's not a chicken… because it's not real…"

Diddy Kong frowned.

Several seconds later, a grin went straight across his face.

"Hey! Don't worry, the production people are stupid!" laughed Diddy Kong, "They wouldn't even be able to pick up that we were cheating-"

The production crew stared angrily at Diddy Kong.

"Or not," said Diddy Kong, chuckling nervously.

_Hyrule Field_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Horse it_

"You sure about this?" said Snake, galloping along, "…you sure you can use a gun and shoot a horse?"

"Don't worry, I've handled guns before," said Yoshi calmly.

"Yeah right," said Snake.

"No, I'm not kidding!" said Yoshi, "When we're not in public view you'll often find Yoshis in the trenches handling guns and shooting at fake human targets in military shooting ranges! In fact, our species has one of the highest accuracy-"

The cameraman to remind Yoshi of his presence, walked right up one metre away from Yoshi.

"Darn you Snake!" screamed Yoshi, "Darn you for exposing me! Darn you all!"

…

"Haha!" screamed Yoshi hysterically, "It was a joke! Get it?! A joke!"

Yoshi fell off his horse and started rolling around on the ground, giggling incessantly as men in white coats neared towards him.

_Bo's House_

_Link and Zelda  
Yielded: In 6__th__ Place_

"Almost time…" said Link, "…and also time to plot my revenge on the puffballs!"

"Uh huh," said Zelda.

"Why did they yield us, those creeps?" sulked Link.

"It was**your fault**, you idiot!" screamed Zelda. "You were the one that had to start something for no apparent reason at all!"

…

"You know, it's illegal for women to swear," said Link.

"No it's not," said Zelda.

…

"And since when is _idiot_ a swear?" said Zelda.

"Shut up! My parents were strict!" cried Link. "I didn't get to say boobs or idiot like you did!"

Link started to hyperventilate.

_Ordon Village Cellar_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Norse It_

"This Viking period clothing is really affecting my sight," said Jigglypuff, head-to-toe covered by a helmet, randomly waving her sword.

"Maybe you should switch to a smaller costume, then!" said Pikachu.

"Don't tell me what to do!" said Jigglypuff angrily, waving her sword wildly in anger.

Jigglypuff decapitated Pikachu.

"Okay Pikie, Melvin, whatever," said Jigglypuff happily, "I'm not angry anymore!"

…

"In fact, I think-"

…

"Pikachu, are you listening?!"

…

"_I'll show you,_" muttered Jigglypuff under her breath, taking out a marker pen.

Jigglypuff drew on some other random corpse.

"How do you like that moustache, Pikie?" said Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out.

_Fox and Samus  
On Norse It_

"Samus," said Fox innocently in the manner of a curious six year-old, "…if we're supposed to use only swords… …why are you using a gun?"

"Oh well," said Samus, shooting several dozen more bottles, "…it's an… um… advanced sword… yeah!"

"Hehe, I licked the floor," said Fox.

"Good for you," said Samus.

"I drank all of the spirits that spilt on the floor!" declared Fox.

"Fox, are you stone dead drunk?" said Samus, alarmed.

"Hi dad!" said Fox, hugging a large spike that appears in the middle of rooms in those Mario games.

…

"…that's a spike," said Samus.

"Hi dad!" said Fox, his body impaled on the spike.

"Fox, do you want to get off that… spike?" said Samus, alarmed.

"Daddy why do you do this to me?" cried Fox.

Samus stared at Fox.

"Stop hitting me Dad, stop it!" cried Fox.

Samus stared at Fox.

"Dad, I made a painting for you! Happy Father's day!" said Fox happily.

Samus stared at Fox.

"What are you doing?" cried Fox, "…that doesn't go in the garbage!"

Samus stared at Fox.

"Da-hah-had!" cried Fox.

_Jaggle's House_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
3/20 Chickens_

"Diddy! I thought we had six chickens before!" said Young Link, frustrated, "Did three just escape?"

"I guess you're just bad at cheating via telekines- uh… catching chickens," said Mewtwo, cackling.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" said Young Link angrily.

"Of course not, silly!" laughed Mewtwo.

"Hey look, Mewtwo, we had zero before but now we suddenly have three!" announced Falco. "How could that possibly-"

"Shut up," said Mewtwo angrily through his teeth.

"Hmm," said Young Link suspiciously.

_Hyrule Field_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Horse It_

"Isn't the countryside wonderful?" said Yoshi happily, galloping along on his horse, admiring his surroundings. "It's so great to be outdoors!"

"Yes, yes it is," said Snake.

…

"The scenery is just lovely," said Snake. "And you're lovely too…"

Snake stroked Yoshi tenderly.

_Bo's House_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Detour, Horse it or Norse it?" said Link.

"Horse it, I'm good with a horse," said Zelda.

"Ha, ha, the woman thinks she can ride a horse," laughed Link.

"But I can!" said Zelda angrily.

"Suure," said Link.

"Can you ride a horse?" said Zelda angrily.

…

"Uh… erm…" said Link nervously, "…women… it's… non… woman-speaking time now… okay?"

"Whatever," said Zelda, smirking.

"I can ride a horse, okay?" said Link angrily, making badminton actions with his hands. "Look! I'm doing it right now!"

Zelda stared at Link.

"Except the movements are less horse-y and more badminton like," said Link.

_Ordon Village Cellar_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Well done, Fox," said Samus, taking a clue, "In your drunken staggering you fell back onto several dozen wine bottles and broke one that contained the clue!"

"Are you proud of me?" said Fox happily, his entire back covered in glass.

"Sure," said Samus, opening the clue, "It works out for both of us, you found the clue which helps me, and you got hurt, which helps me laugh. The pain of other people is fun, ha, ha!"

Fox stared at Samus.

"Shut up," said Samus angrily. "You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!"

"Teams must now travel ninety-six kilometres to this store in Kakariko Village!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive here, they must search for their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Fox happily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" read Pikachu.

"We can beat those entrepreneurs!" declared Jigglypuff, scampering towards the taxi rank.

_Hyrule Field_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Horse It_

"Here is your gun," said the vet, handing the gun to Snake.

Yoshi's eyes widened. "AAAH!" he screamed, making the horse run at a brisk pace around the field.

Snake shot the horse, causing it to collapse on the ground. Yoshi hit the ground with a large thud.

"Good job, Snake!" called a relieved Yoshi.

"DIE!" screamed Snake, shooting the horse several more times.

"Eep!" screamed Yoshi, ducking under the horse. "Stop it, Snake! You're finished!"

"Just kidding!" laughed Snake, continuing to shoot live ammunition at Yoshi, "Hahahaha, die you stupid dinosaur lizard thing!"

"If you're kidding then **stop shooting!**" screamed Yoshi.

"Pardon?" screamed Snake, still shooting.

_Link and Zelda  
On Horse It_

"Come on, Link, hop on!" said Zelda.

"Women can't ride horses!" said Link dismissively.

Zelda was riding a horse.

Perfectly.

"_I'll show her,_" muttered Link, clumsily getting on top of his horse, "Run you beautiful stallion! Run!"

The horse stood still.

…and then collapsed onto the ground from Link's weight.

"Hey Link, horse riding is fun!" said Zelda happily, her horse doing cartwheels along the field.

"Too bad_**I'm**_ going to shoot that horse," cackled Link evilly.

"Whee-hee!" laughed Zelda, her horse doing a backflip.

"I'm going to shoot it and eat it as meat," said Link, grinning menacingly.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" read Snake.

"What do you think about that, Yoshi?" said Snake.

"I think it's really great," said Snake in a falsetto voice, moving the jaws of Yoshi's corpse.

_Ordon Village_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're quitting and going to the detour," said Young Link, dashing through the village, "We reckon we can still beat those guys, they're going so slowly."

_Hyrule Field_

_Link and Zelda  
On Horse It_

The vet handed Zelda the gun.

"What?! That's not possible!" screamed Link, "I want to kill her horse! You stupid women!"

"Don't worry hon, I'll _try_ not to miss," said Zelda.

Zelda and the female veterinarian chuckled heartily.

"And plus," said the vet, "We're not going to kill this horse that can do cartwheels! I mean, your wife is the best rider we've seen in years!"

"Whatever," said Link angrily.

"Ooh, before I shoot him, can I find out a name?" asked Zelda.

"Epona or some stupid name," said the vet.

"Guess what your horse was named?" asked Zelda, loading the gun.

"What?" screamed Link, trying to be as far as possible.

"Epona or something stupid!" laughed Zelda.

"EPONA?!" screamed Link, "NUUUUEZ!1"

Zelda shot and missed, hitting Link in the chest. The horse fell down.

"Good enough!" said the vet, handing the clue over.

Link staggered to the ground.

"Bye, my stunt trick-doing horse!" said Zelda, waving to her horse, which was standing on two feet.

"_Women,_" grumbled Link, opening the clue.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" cried Link.

"Awesome!" said Zelda, patting Link hard on the part where she had shot him, "Let's go!"

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
5/20 Chickens_

"What do you think we'll win for coming in first?" said Falco, attempting to grab a chicken whilst speaking.

"A holiday or something," said Mewtwo, bored, trying to pick up a chicken with his feet.

"What if we don't win a prize?" said Falco.

"Yeah, because we won't come in first!" laughed Mewtwo.

Falco and Mewtwo chuckled heartily.

_Hyrule Countryside_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"This race is so amazing," said Fox to the camera, "I get to spend time with my girlfriend going-"

Samus glared at Fox, infuriated. "What did you say?"

"I get to spend time with my girlfriend," said Fox, grinning innocently, "And we get to-"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" screamed Samus, taking a knife out from her pocket (of her normal, everyday non-suit clothing).

"Me and my girlfriend-"

"SAY THAT ONCE MORE AND I'LL KILL YOU," screamed Samus, putting a knife up to Fox's throat.

"Okay," said Fox, gulping.

…

"Me and my ladyfriend-"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"And that was the secret to how I make millions of dollars selling t-shirts by mail order," said Pikachu to the camera.

"Yes, yes, what a great story you just told," said Jigglypuff, kissing Pikachu on the cheek.

…

"Why is there random streams of blood coming out of Fox and Samus's carriage in front of us?" said Pikachu, disgusted.

"Don't be silly," said Jigglypuff, "It's uh…"

"AUUGH!" screamed Fox from the carriage in front.

"Yes, yeah it's blood," said Jigglypuff.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"It's a long way to Tipperary…" sang Snake.

Yoshi stared at Snake.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I can't believe you shot Epona," cried Link.

"Don't be silly, I shot you!" said Zelda, comforting.

"Great!" said Link happily.

…

"That explains the random blood leaking onto my tunic," said Link.

"Yes, yes," said Zelda.

…

"Wait… you shot me? You stupid woman!" said Link angrily, stroking his chest.

"I shot you in the shoulder," said Zelda.

"Wait… you shot me? You stupid woman!" said Link angrily, stroking Zelda's thighs.

"Your shoulder!" screamed Zelda, punching Link in the bullet wound.

"Ow!" screamed Link. In pain.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We just got onto our horse, and after checking on Mewtwo and Falco, I think this fast forward might put them to the back of the pack," said Young Link, grinning evilly.

"How come I don't get any air time with my comments?" cried Diddy Kong. "All of the things that are said by my team are by Young Link!"

"You just talk incoherent nonsense!" said Young Link angrily.

"No I don't!" sobbed Diddy Kong.

…

"Gobble dee cock ta tingulbumberzong," said Diddy Kong angrily.

_Predictability Meter  
_"High."

_2__nd__ Flight_

_Landed at 9:01 AM_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"No photos please," said Sonic, waving, running out of the arrivals hall.

Some elves stared at Sonic blankly.

"Nobody's even heard about you here," said Kirby, signing some autographs on the way out..

"Come on, I'm just bathing in fame here in the place! I'm a local hero!" said Sonic cheerily.

"I'm sure you are," said Kirby, taking several photos with enthusiastic locals whilst waiting for a taxi.

"Yeah, I mean they've got a whole billboard just for my arrival!" said Sonic, pointing to his picture up on the wall.

"Uh huh," said Kirby, noting that Sonic did not notice the text 'wanted' printed on top of the signs he was referring to.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Take us to Bo's house!" said Luigi, jumping into a carriage.

Wario jumped into the carriage, which caused it to sink several feet into the ground.

"Don't say it!" cried Wario, "Don't say it! You don't need to say it!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We want to play an honest and fair game," said Peach to the camera, inside the carriage.

"Wow Peach, really?" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Setting off other people's alarms at two in the morning so they couldn't focus properly today?"

"Shush, midget, now who should we yield?" asked Peach.

"I thought yielding isn't playing an honest and fair game!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"We'll get those Yield queens!" screamed Peach angrily.

"There aren't any all girl teams!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Daddy, who's my mummy?" asked Ness.

Bowser described the experience in full absolute detail.

"AAAAHH!!!!" screamed Ness, vomiting. "But how can that be?! You're not female!"

Bowser described how male turtles are unique.

"That's disgusting!" vomited Ness, "And how did you get the spikes on your shell?"

"Plastic," said Bowser, ripping a spike off his shell.

Blood oozed out.

"Wait! No it's not!" screamed Bowser, losing blood rapidly.

Bowser died.

"Father!" cried Ness.

_Bo's House_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Come on, get to the yield," shouted Kirby, scampering into the house.

"Ah, what a relief," said Sonic, pointing to the yield board.

"Wow, I wonder what they did to deserve it," said Kirby, opening the clue, "Detour! Horse it or Norse it?"

"Let's break stuff!" said Sonic.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Let's do Horse it," said Wario.

…

"_So I can miss with the gun and shoot you,_" said Wario, cackling to himself.

"What did you say?" said Luigi.

"Yeah, as if anyone would be that clumsy enough to do that on the race," laughed Wario to himself.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I hate you," said Knuckle Joe.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Should we try the fast forward, dad?" asked Ness.

"Nah, somebody's probably taken it ages ago," said Bowser.

"Dad, what's happening to my body?" said Ness, alarmed.

"Well son, you see, every boy around your age or so begins to go through subtle changes which then turns him into a man," said Bowser, "The first signs are…"

"Help! A snake's trying to eat me!" screamed Ness, a python starting to swallow his legs in one big gulp.

"…and then female turtles will start becoming attracted to you…" said Bowser. "…except of course if you're gay in which case…"

"It's coming up to my hips!" screamed Ness, "Help, I'm being eaten alive by a python! Dad! Help!"

"…fantasy role play and…"

"AAAUAUAUUAUAUAASDFGH!" screamed Ness, almost entirely inside the python's stomach.

"…and in some dodgy restaurants they actually use those fluids in…"

Ness was not there.

"Son?" said Bowser, "Son? Where are you, son?"

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
9/20 Chickens_

"And then after we win this leg," said Mewtwo, "We'll-"

"Uh… Mewtwo…" said Falco, pointing outside the window, "I don't think we're as far in front as we thought we were…"

"What?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Bowser and Ness?" said Falco, clenching his teeth.

"Great!" said Mewtwo, panicking.

"Wait, nah, I'm sure they caught the same flight as us," said Falco.

"Yeah," said Mewtwo.

_Ordon Fancy Dress Shop_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On Norse It_

"Look, Kirby! I'm a super-awesome Viking warrior!" said Sonic, Viking armour and helmet on.

…

"Just… wow…" said Kirby.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On Norse It_

"What do you have for women to wear?" asked Peach to the store owner.

"Oh, you don't have to wear anything," laughed the store owner.

"Okay then!" said Peach, starting to unbutton her shirt.

"It was a joke, idiot!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Norse It_

"Ness, you gonna stop anytime soon?" said Bowser angrily.

Ness shook his head, still vomiting.

"I know a cure for vomiting… a nice hard manly fatherly knock in the back!" said Bowser, tapping Ness in the back.

Ness started vomiting out his organs.

"That can't be good," said Bowser, scratching his head.

_Kakariko Village_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Ah, that's the place! Some run down shack," said Samus, dashing into the store.

"There's the clue!" said Fox in a jolly manner, taking one from the stand. "Road Block! Who's crazy about money?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may do! In this Road Block, that person must go into a nearby cave and using only a sword and whatever they have in their bags, find one hundred rupees! Once they have found these they must proceed back to Malo Mart to buy their clue with the local currency they had just found!"

"The caves are dark, so smart teams may spend a few of their rupees for a light! If the person doing this Road Block is dumb, they could be left in the dark for a while!"

"I love money! I love money!" screamed Fox excitedly.

Fox ran off into the cave.

"It's dark!" cried Fox.

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
10/20 Chickens_

"This is the worst thing ever!" screamed Falco, "How can they have so much energy even after like, two hours?!"

"I know, why don't we bait them in with some delicious treats?" said Mewtwo.

"But what do chickens eat?" said Falco.

"Uh… I only have this in my bag," said Mewtwo, taking out a drumstick and plopping it onto the ground.

…

"Why aren't they eating it?" screamed Mewtwo angrily. "Chickens love eating drumsticks! Or do you want the breast? Do you want the breast, huh?"

_Ordon Village Cellar_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On Norse It_

"Stop checking your fanmail!" screamed Kirby, frustrated, "There's not even any wireless here!"

"What are you going to do? Push me into a stampede?" scoffed Sonic.

A random stampede of boards burst into the cellar, running through the middle of the room.

"I'd like to see that," laughed Sonic.

Kirby pushed Sonic in front of the herd of rampaging boars.

"Muahahahaha…" laughed Kirby evilly.

"AAAAH IM GOING TO DIE aND I WOnT BE Able To reAD mY FANmAIL!" screamed Sonic.

"Oh dear," said Kirby sarcastically.

…

"Where did a stampede come from anyway?" said Ness, confused.

"YO MAMA," screamed Sonic's body.

Nobody laughed.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Norse It_

"How's it going, Bowser?" said Ness.

"I'm hitting it as hard as I can, but I can't get any clues!" screamed Bowser, using a shovel to hit the wall.

…

"You… do realise you're supposed to smash bottles, right?" said Ness.

"I've got a major migraine! Cut me some slack!" said Bowser angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I found it!" said Knuckle Joe excitedly, taking a clue.

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" read Peach.

"We're still in this!" said Knuckle Joe, running out.

_Hyrule Field_

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" read Luigi.

"Wait, wait, hold on, why wasn't any of the horse shooting detour footage shown?" said Wario angrily. "Are you just ignoring us?"

"You had an accident, remember Wario?" said the sound guy, pointing to several bodies lying around the place.

"Oh yeah," chuckled Wario nervously, "…that… when I, heh, misfired several times and killed some people that… ha, ha…"

"You lied!" cried Luigi, "You told me they were sleeping and the bullet holes were fake and the blood was raspberry jam!"

Luigi started hyperventilating.

_Kakariko Village_

_Fox  
12 rupees_

"Whee! Look! I'm Link!" said Fox at the edge of a cave, spinning around with the sword and breaking a rock.

"Wow," said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Pikachu, "Maybe I should-"

"I've never gotten a go and I really want to do one!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"You did the last two!" said Pikachu angrily, "I'm doing it, okay?"

"Fine," said Jigglypuff restlessly.

"Come on, honey!" cheered Jigglypuff as Pikachu ran into the cave.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You should do it," said Yoshi.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I am the _**ultimate**_ rupee collector," said Link proudly, "And I should do it."

"Okay, good luck honey then!" said Zelda.

Jigglypuff ran up to Link, Snake and Yoshi angrily. "Why are you guys so happy? We need more drama! This is television! Be mad at each other!"

"Hey, you yielded us!" said Link angrily.

"Oh sure, angry face," said Jigglypuff angrily. "That's right, be angry! Angry face."

"But you were the one that wanted us to be angry!" said Link angrily.

"AAAAAHHHH" screamed Snake, slashing a sword and decapitating Jigglypuff with it.

"Snake! Inside the cave where there are rupees!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

Jigglypuff's body laid there.

"Dibs," said Yoshi, licking his lips.

…

"Wait! What am I saying?" cried Yoshi, "Snake's turned me into a monster!"

…

"But why am I eating on this body?" cried Yoshi, ingesting Jigglypuff's remains, "Why? Why? Why?"

…

"Why am I still eating this?" screamed Yoshi, eating the kidneys, "Why am I still doing this?"

…

"I don't even like the liver!" cried Yoshi, chewing, "The liver is-"

The same tired joke repeated for a while.

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
12/20 Chickens_

"We're doing good!" cheered Falco, "Twelve in… four hours…"

Falco cried.

"Hey, cheer up, that's… one every twenty minutes!" said Mewtwo.

…

"Great," sighed Mewtwo.

_Ordon Village Cellar_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Malo Mart in Kakariko Village!" read Kirby.

"Hurry! Hurry!" screamed Kirby.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Come on, dad, we can beat these guys!" said Ness, dragging Bowser along.

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
12/20 Chickens_

"Yep, I think we're sitting in a pretty good position here," said Mewtwo confidently.

_Kakariko Village_

_Link  
36 rupees_

"Good job, Link!" shouted Zelda from outside the cave.

"You're embarrassing me!" sulked Link, picking up several more rupees.

_Pikachu  
38 rupees_

"I hit gold," whispered Pikachu, pointing to a chest full of rupees.

"Pardon?" shouted the cameraman.

"Shut up!" hissed Pikachu sharply.

_Snake  
0 rupees_

"For the last time!" screamed Yoshi hysterically, "It's not heads, it's not rocks, it's not random bits of expensive jewellery you found…_**it's rupees you need!**_"

"Right," said Snake.

…

"So these… heads I 'found'," said Snake, "They're not… valuable?"

"NO!" shrieked Yoshi.

"Or these rocks?"

"_**NO!**_" screamed Yoshi.

"Or these-"

_Fox  
41 rupees_

"Doo, doo doo," hummed Fox, taking several rupees out of Link's pocket while he wasn't looking.

"That's the spirit!" shouted Samus.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh," said Young Link, getting off the horse, "Everyone's here!"

"Detour!" said Diddy Kong, reading out the clue.

"Wrong clue," said Young Link.

"Road Block!" read Diddy Kong, "Who's crazy about money?"

"I am_awesome_ at rupee collecting," boasted Young Link.

_Hyrule Countryside_

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Great, we have company," said Wario angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Halfway point!" cheered Knuckle Joe, looking at the map.

"Hey, is that fatty and skinny?" shouted Peach.

"Yep," said Knuckle Joe.

"I heard that!" said Wario angrily from the carriage in front.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"And then I'll get 1-800-SONIC and answer all of my fanmail," announced Sonic, "And then-"

"Be quiet," said Kirby harshly, "It's Peach and Knuckle Joe in the front. If they find out it's us then they'll make sure to stay in front of us! So what we want to do is subtly overtake them and then-"

"HEY GUYS!" shouted Sonic.

Kirby choked Sonic.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"There's three teams up ahead," said Ness, shocked, "Driver! Accelerate!"

The horse rocketed up to full speed and overtook Kirby and Sonic, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Wario and Luigi.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Good job, driver!" said Ness.

"Our driver's awesome!" cheered Bowser.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Driver! Accelerate!" ordered Wario.

"Sorry, you're too fat," said the driver.

Wario cried.

_Jaggle's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Took Fast Forward: Currently in Last Place_

"We did it!" screamed Falco, relieved, taking the clue, "This better be worth it."

"You must now make your way to the pit stop: Elde Inn!" read Falco.

"Mewtwo and Falco may now skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stoop, Elde Inn, in Kakariko Village! They must hurry, as the last team to arrive may be eliminated!" said Master Hand.

"First place, here we come!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

_Kakariko Village_

_Pikachu  
78 rupees_

"So what do you think about this box of rupees you found?" interviewed the cameraman.

"Shut up!" screamed Pikachu, "And cameramen aren't supposed to say anything!"

"Did somebody say, box of rupees?" said Link from the other side of the cave, waving a candle around.

"Well, he's telling me not to tell you that he has a big box of rupees over here!" said the cameraman.

"Shut up!" said Pikachu, murdering the cameraman. After taking care of him, he tossed several dozen more rupees into his bag.

_Pikachu  
100 rupees_

"I got it!" cheered Pikachu, running out of the cave with his bag.

Pikachu ran into Malo Mart, exchanged the bag and ran out with the clue.

"You must now make your way to Elde Inn, the pit stop for this leg of the race!" read Pikachu.

"Teams must now run eighty metres to the pit stop, Elde Inn!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry as the last team to check in, _**may **_be eliminated."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran into the inn, located Master Hand and tumbled onto the mat.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you're team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.

"And I have some good news, as the first team to arrive, you two win a bag of candy!" announced Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff, opening the bag and gulping the food down.

Pikachu looked angrily at Master Hand, "I feel cheated."

"Two bags of candy?" said Master Hand, grinning.

Pikachu glared at Master Hand angrily. "Aren't we supposed to get like… holidays or something?"

"Three bags," said Master Hand in a cute voice.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu.

_Fox  
100 rupees_

"Samus!" said Fox, holding a crate of rupees in his hands, "I'm done!"

"Good! Go to the store!" said Samus.

_Link  
100 rupees_

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Link, two metres behind Fox with a crate of rupees himself.

"Come on, Link! Sprint!" screamed Zelda.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We've got a five second head start," said Samus, ripping open the clue, "You must now make your way to the pit stop, Elde Inn, yadda yadda. Go!"

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on, Zel! Hurry!" screamed Link, "I know where it is!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Tailgate Link!" screamed Samus, grabbing Fox by the collar and hitting Zelda with him.

Link ran into the inn and onto the pit stop. "Ha. I guess I win! Suck on that, you modern gun-wielding armoured twits!"

Zelda was not there.

"What?!" screamed Link, "She was with me!"

"I hit her with Fox," said Samus.

Samus and Fox walked onto the pit stop.

"Fox and Samus, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"WHAT?!" said Fox, Samus, Link and Zelda angrily.

"Oh, the Pokemon checked in," said Master Hand.

"But I didn't even notice them!" said Samus angrily.

"There were Pokemon on this race?" said Fox, confused.

"Link and Zelda, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Yeah, whatever," said Link angrily.

"You don't seem too happy about this result," said Master Hand.

"Well, we've been targeted by the two teams above us for no reason!" said Link angrily, "And we thought they were our friends, but clearly not!"

"I'm sorry!" cried Fox, hugging Link.

"Shut up," said Samus, hitting Fox in the back. "We don't make friends on this race."

"So you guys are just angry at each other now?" said Master Hand.

"Well I don't see why anyone would hate me," said Link, "How could the stupid woman, the homicidal stupid woman, the dumb fox, those dumb Pokemon-"

Everyone stared angrily at Link.

"Do you… actually have any idea how everyone hates you, Link?" said Master Hand.

"How could that be?" said Link, outraged.

"You're almost as annoying as Sonic," said Master Hand angrily.

"Sonic's in the race?" said Link, Zelda, Fox and Samus in shock.

…

"SONIC'S IN BRAWL?!" screamed Fox, posting to as many blogs as possible in his excited rush.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Snake and Yoshi, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"That's not too bad," said Yoshi.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Hey, how come you're just editing us out?" said Diddy Kong angrily. "We've gotten no airtime!"

"You guys are boring, you've never said anything interesting," said Master Hand. "You know what? If you guys make out on camera then I'll tell the editors-"

The FBI looked at Master Hand angrily.

"Or… not…" said Master Hand.

_Hyrule Countryside_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're halfway there, and just hoping that we don't get second," said Falco.

"If we're really unlucky, maybe third," said Mewtwo.

"Yeah."

_Kakariko Village_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who's crazy about money?" said Ness. "I'll do it."

"Go get 'em, son!" said Bowser, patting Bowser on the back.

Ness became impaled on Bowser's hand.

"Oops!" chuckled Bowser, peeling Ness's body off and taking off his glove, "I shouldn't wear my spiky gloves around Ness!"

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Wario.

"Hey, look! You're running… …on your two feet?! What a rare occurrence! This is insane! Something I've never seen before!" shouted Luigi as Wario ran off into the cave.

Wario gave Luigi the finger.

"Yes, yes, quite an ancient artefact this finger is indeed," said Luigi in a British accent, inspecting the finger in a jar.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Knuckle Joe.

"And if you feel like a nappy change my little baby," said Peach cheerily, "You can always come back here and…"

"Oh shut up!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Sonic.

"Sonic, do you need a… light for the cave?" said Kirby.

"I'll use my X-Ray vision!" announced Sonic.

Sonic put on some cardboard spectacles (with no eyeholes) and ran blindly into the cave.

_Hyrule Countryside_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Heading for pit stop: Currently in Last Place_

"Twenty kilometres to go!" said Falco, pointing to a road sign.

_Kakariko Village_

_Ness  
0 rupees_

"Wow," said Ness, looking around and not breaking anything, "I can't see anything!"

_Knuckle Joe  
14 rupees_

"Hey, this ain't too bad," said Knuckle Joe, slashing a bug and picking up several rupees. "But why do bugs contain rupees? Isn't that a bit… …stupid?!"

_Miyamoto_

(angry glare)

_Knuckle Joe  
14 rupees_

"Sorry," apologised Knuckle Joe.

_Wario  
0 rupees_

"Dude, it's like a chest full of rupees," said Wario, shocked, looking at a chest several metres away from him that was full to the brim of rupees.

"Well that was quick," said Wario to himself, picking up the chest and walking out of the cave.

_Sonic  
0 rupees_

"Kirby," said Sonic, repeatedly walking into the same wall, "My X-ray vision seems to be off today!"

Kirby blinked.

_Wario  
7 rupees_

Wario walked up to a store attendant in Malo Mart. "Here's my hundred!"

The attendant counted the rupees.

"That's seven," said the attendant.

"But it was… but it couldn't… but it was full of… but…" said Wario, shocked.

_Sonic  
83 rupees_

Kirby ran down into the caves and spit the rupees he just 'found' into Sonic's bag.

Sonic took off his glasses, "Cool! Did I do that?!"

"Uh… sure…" said Kirby, sighing.

"Wow! I'm so awesome!" boasted Sonic.

"Find seventeen more," said Kirby angrily.

_Hyrule Countryside_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Fifteen k's!" shouted Falco, pointing to another sign.

_Kakariko Village_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Wasn't it so cool how I magically produced rupees?" said Sonic happily.

"Yes, I was very impressed," said Kirby, strolling towards the pit stop.

"I bet I should make a magic show like that so-"

"Guess what? I stole the rupees from Wario, okay?" said Kirby angrily.

"But-"

"You didn't do anything, okay?" said Kirby angrily, pressing Sonic against a wall.

Sonic nodded shyly.

Kirby and Sonic stepped on the mat. "Kirby and Sonic, you're team number six!"

"Phew," said Kirby.

"You know Master Hand…" boasted Sonic, "…I magically produced rupees that landed…"

"Even **I** saw him cheat, Sonic," said Master Hand angrily, "It's just that you're not my least favourite team at the moment. It's not like I like you guys, just that I hate other people more."

Master Hand glared angrily at Sonic.

…

"And then Kirby was so jealous he took credit for the rupees by making up a story that he-" said Sonic.

Kirby shot Sonic.

_Kakariko Village_

_Wario  
63 rupees_

"We can still beat Peach and Knuckle Joe!" screamed Luigi, "He's too short to carry the rupees!"

_Knuckle Joe  
100 rupees_

"Hurry, Knuckle Joe! Hurry!" screamed Peach, as Knuckle Joe slowly lugged the bag of rupees towards the shop.

_Ness  
0 rupees_

"Now where could these rupees be?" said Ness, scanning the entire place for rupees.

"You have to break stuff to get rupees!" screamed Bowser.

"Oh!" laughed Ness, "Really?"

"Yes! Great!" screamed Bowser hysterically. "Hurry!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Three kilometres," said Falco, pointing to another.

"I can_read _these road signs," said Mewtwo angrily. "You don't need to be constantly reminding me about the distance it will take until-"

"But you can't read," said Falco.

"Shut up!" cried Mewtwo.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to Elde Inn, the pit stop for this leg of the race!" read Knuckle Joe.

Peach and Knuckle Joe ran into inn and onto the mat.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"Still in," said Knuckle Joe, relieved.

"Still in with your best friend, Peach!" cheered Peach. "Isn't that swell? Spectacular?"

_Ness  
40 rupees_

"Good job, Ness!" said Bowser, cheering him on, "We can still make this!"

"I'm trying!" said Ness, breaking another rock and grabbing several rupees.

_Wario  
98 rupees_

"I'm done!" screamed Wario excitedly, grabbing two more from the ground and putting it into his bag.

"Go Wario, go!" shouted Luigi.

Wario used all of his brute to jerk the bag, barely lifting it off the ground.

"Wario!" screamed Luigi, "Don't tell me you can't… lift it up?"

"I can't do it!" sulked Wario.

"I'm gonna kick someone if we lose this," said Luigi, frustrated.

_Ness  
65 rupees_

"Ness! Good job, boy! You're collecting rupees like crazy!" cheered Bowser.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're here!" said Mewtwo, getting off the horse and running into the inn.

Mewtwo and Falco jumped onto the map, bright smiles on their faces.

"Tell us some good news, Master Hand," said Falco excitedly.

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number _eight!_" said Master Hand.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Arrived 8__th_

"What?!" screamed Falco, outraged, "…but we… took the fast forward… you're joking, right?"

Falco chuckled nervously.

"No, you guys came in eighth," said Master Hand, "Don't kid yourselves… besides… you don't get to use your Fast Forward again!"

Mewtwo and Falco glared angrily at Master Hand.

"Which means it was a big waste!" laughed Master Hand, "You fools, thinking you could pick up chickens, ha, ha, you guys are a joke."

"Did we at least finish better than Young Link and Diddy Kong?" asked Falco hopefully.

"Nope," laughed Master Hand.

Falco's eyes fumed.

_Ness  
85 rupees_

"Come on, Ness! We're still in this! Wario's struggling!" shouted Bowser supportively.

_Wario  
100 rupees_

"Bend your knees!" screamed Luigi, "Come on, hurry up!"

"I haven't seen my knees for years!" cried Wario.

"Just pick up the freaking bag!" shouted Luigi.

_Ness  
91 rupees_

"_Nine… more…_" said Ness to himself, slashing rocks desperately with his sword.

"We've got this! Come on!" said Bowser.

_Wario  
100 rupees_

"Why can't you pick it up!" screamed Luigi.

"Ah!" said Wario, tipping a church organ out from the bag, "That's why."

"You idiot! Now run!" screamed Luigi.

"I can't run!" said Wario angrily.

"Oh just give it to me!" screamed Luigi, running over to Wario, picking up the bag.

_Ness  
100 rupees_

"I did it! I did it!" said Ness excitedly, picking up the bag.

"Now run, son, run!" shouted Bowser excitedly.

_Wario  
100 rupees_

"I've got this," said Luigi, rupee bag slung over his back, the store just metres away.

_Ness  
100 rupees_

"I'm catching up!" screamed Ness, running up alongside Wario and Luigi.

Ness dashed into the store a metre in front of Wario, throwing his bag to the attendant and taking a clue.

"You must now make your way to Elde Inn, the pit stop for this leg of the race!" read Ness, running towards Bowser, "Hurry! The last team to check in may be eliminated!"

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We can catch these guys!" screamed Luigi, pulling Wario out of the doorframe and sprinting towards the inn.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Hurry Dad, hurry!" screamed Ness, "We can do this!"

"My hernia!" cried Bowser, holding onto his knee.

"Why does this have to happen at the most inconvenient of times?" screamed Ness.

_Wario and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Get in front of Bowser!" screamed Luigi, running in front of Bowser, who was in front of Wario.

"I can't!" screamed Wario.

"Come on, you can beat Bowser!" said Luigi, "We can do this!"

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic non-disclosing camera angles.

Ness ran onto the mat, followed by Luigi.

"Hurry!" screamed Ness to Bowser, who was half a metre behind Wario.

"Hurry, fatty!" screamed Luigi.

Wario, who was slightly in front, bashed open the door of the inn and…

…got stuck in the doorframe.

"Just great!" screamed Luigi. "YOU IDIOT, WARIO!1"

"Break a window!" screamed Ness.

"I can't do it!" whimpered Bowser.

"Yes you can!" said Ness, "Remember that Olympic games spin-off you did? Use that stick to pole vault through the window!"

"Okay!" screamed Bowser, taking a branch off a nearby tree.

"Get through the door, fatty and we're still in!" screamed Luigi abusively. "You're ten metres away from the pit stop!"

"CHAAARGE!" screamed Bowser, pole vaulting through the window, glass, splattering all over his body. "AAUUUGHHH!" he collapsed onto the ground.

Wario popped out of the doorframe in a cartoon-like fashion, landing face-first twenty centimetres before the pit stop.

"Great!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Bowser stood up and stumbled towards the pit stop.

Wario reached for the pit stop with his arm.

Bowser picked up Wario and threw him backwards. He walked onto the pit stop.

"Awesome!" shouted Ness.

"Bowser and Ness, you're team number nine!" said Master Hand. "Wario and Luigi, you're the last team to arrive."

Wario staggered onto the mat.

"And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

"We had fun," said Luigi.

"Yeah, we did ol' buddy!" said Wario happily, hugging Luigi tight.

_Wario and Luigi  
Interview after leg_

"And you know why we're lifelong friends?" said Luigi, smiling, "Because as you saw, through this entire race we only treated each other with the uttermost respect!"

"I think the bond between us has grown as a result of this race, and I can't be so grateful for this opportunity given to me!" said Wario happily.

"Best friends forever!" said Wario and Luigi, hugging.

"_This is a once in an opportunity lifetime, and I think we'll never forget this experience,_" said Luigi on a voiceover as Wario and Luigi walked off into the sunset.

**Finish Times:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 11:46 AM

Fox and Samus: 11:50 AM

Link and Zelda: 11:51 AM

Snake and Yoshi: 12:00 PM

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 12:35 PM

Kirby and Sonic: 2:53 PM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 3:30 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 4:02 PM

Bowser and Ness: 4:36 PM

**Wario and Luigi: 4:37 PM- Eliminated**

Review and say who you want to win, and who you think you'll win, least favourite teams and etc! Also put all continuity errors in there and what not! Don't worry, I didn't get any of the jokes either.

"Next time, on The Smashy Amazing Race!" said Master Hand, "Bowser gets a tattoo!"

"_You mean this stupid thing wasn't even a task in the race?!" screamed Bowser hysterically, trying to make sense of the goat that was recently tattooed on his stomach._


	4. Come on, Beekachu!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Ten teams set off on the third leg of a race around the world!"

"Teams flew to Hyrule, where they went to Bo's House! Airport drama led to Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu yielding Link and Zelda!"

"_We choose to yield Link and Zelda!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Link and Zelda's picture onto the board._

"This was not met with a positive response from Link!"

"_This is infuriating!" said Link angrily, "This is maddening! This is outrageous! This is annoying! This is irritating! This is exasperating!"_

"This yield paid off, helping them land in first!"

"_Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you're team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yay!" said Jigglypuff._

"Mewtwo and Falco attempted the Fast Forward, which involved picking up chickens!"

"_What do you think we'll win for coming in first?" said Falco, attempting to grab a chicken whilst speaking._

"_A holiday or something," said Mewtwo, bored, trying to pick up a chicken with his feet._

"But their confidence was unhelpful, as they fell three hours behind and checked in at the back of the pack!"

_Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number __eight!__" said Master Hand._

"_What?!" screamed Falco, outraged, "…but we… took the fast forward… you're joking, right?"_

"It was Wario and Luigi who took a tumble due to their constant bickering with each other!"

"_Hey, look! You're running… …on your two feet?! What a rare occurrence! This is insane! Something I've never seen before!" shouted Luigi as Wario ran off into the cave._

_Wario gave Luigi the finger._

"And after a tense showdown with Bowser and Ness…"

_Ness ran onto the mat, followed by Luigi._

"_Hurry!" screamed Ness to Bowser, who was half a metre behind Wario._

"_Hurry, fatty!" screamed Luigi._

_Wario, who was slightly in front, bashed open the door of the inn and…_

…_got stuck in the doorframe._

"_Just great!" screamed Luigi. "YOU IDIOT, WARIO!1"_

"…they were eliminated!"

"_And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand._

"_We had fun," said Luigi._

"_Yeah, we did ol' buddy!" said Wario happily, hugging Luigi tight._

"Will Jigglypuff and Pikachu's decision to yield Link and Zelda backfire against them in such an early stage in the race? Can Mewtwo and Falco scramble out of the back of the pack? And can Bowser and Ness, starting the leg in last once again, stay in the race?"

"Nine teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams:  
**Link and Zelda (_Married_)

Young Link and Diddy Kong (_Scouts_)

Bowser and Ness (_High School Friends_)

Falco and Mewtwo (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students_)

Peach and Knuckle Joe (_Lawyers_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs_)

Kirby and Sonic (_Door-to-door Salesmen_)

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were the first to arrive at 11:46 AM, will depart at 11:46 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 11:46 PM_

"You must now make your way on one of four charter flights to the Comet Observatory!" read Pikachu, "You must find the 'Terrace' for your next clue!"

"Teams must now fly on one of four charter flights, ninety minutes apart to the Comet Observatory!" said Master Hand. "This historical space station is most known for its use as the main hub in the game, Super Mario Galaxy! Once teams arrive here, they must find the Terrace for their next clue!"

"You have fifteen dollars for this leg of the race," read Pikachu.

"Yay! Let's go!" said Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Although sometimes we bicker a bit," said Pikachu, "I think Jigglypuff's a sweet, sweet lady whom I would never-"

Jigglypuff launched a large rock from a slingshot directly into Pikachu's face. He toppled over backwards. She giggled sweetly.

"What were you saying about me, sweetie?" asked Jigglypuff politely.

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "Just be Mr. Meanie again, will you?"

_Fox and Samus  
2__nd__ to depart: 11:50 PM_

"You must now make your way on one of four charter flights to the Comet Observatory!" read Samus.

"Wow! We're going into space!" said Fox excitedly, "What a once in a lifetime experience!"

Samus stared at Fox. "I thought all of your games revolved around you being in space!"

"Shut up!" cried Fox, "Space reminds me of Peppy Hare! Who reminds me of Falco! Who reminds me of my father! Who reminds me of how he abandoned me when I was three!"

Fox started to cry, tears spilling all over the pavement underneath their… …shoes.

"Wait," said Samus, "How does Peppy Hare remind you of Falco?"

"Well," said Fox, grinning slyly, "I've always noticed that Falco is trying to get into Peppy's pants-"

A dictionary hit Fox in the back of the head, thrown from above.

"It's not true!" screamed Falco with a lisp from a fifth floor window, "It's all lies! I say, lies!"

Samus stared at Falco, and then at Fox.

"Wait…" shouted Mewtwo from inside the hotel room, "What's this picture?"

"It's nothing!" screamed Falco.

Samus heard several struggling and slapping sounds from the fifth floor window.

"What's this piece of paper?" shouted Mewtwo.

"Nothing!" shouted Falco.

"Peppy loves Falco forever?" read Mewtwo out very loud. "With pink love hearts and-"

"It's not true, I say! It's not true!" cried Falco.

"We all now know! We all know now!" shouted Mewtwo dramatically.

"Not if you're dead!" screamed Falco, taking out his blaster.

A shot rang out in the room. Falco turned towards Fox and Samus and shot them both.

…

"Haha! Now you're dead!" laughed Falco, cackling evilly.

"You… …do know your gun attack is lousy and it gives about three percent damage," said Samus, staring blankly at Falco.

"Shut up!" cried Falco, "I'll get a better attack… …if I'm in Brawl!"

Falco started to hyperventilate.

"And I won't be!" he sobbed.

_Link and Zelda  
3__rd__ to depart: 11:51 PM_

"Hey Link, I think we've got a chance at winning this leg," said Zelda, handing the clue to Link. "I've entrusted the help of a local to help us through this leg!"

"Wow, thanks hun!" said Link, "I wonder who it-"

Kaepora, a huge freaking owl landed on the hotel, breaking it and sitting next to Link. "HOOT! HOOT!"

"You got him?!" screamed Link, his pupils turning tiny and his eyes thickening in an anime-style.

"Aww, he's such a big help!" said Zelda, patting Kaepora.

"Are you kidding?!" screamed Link hysterically, "He's not helpful at all!"

"HOOT! HOOT! Press A to open the clue!" said Kaepora very loudly.

"I _know_ how to open an envelope," said Link angrily, quietly pounding a sledgehammer on top of the clue to open it, "I don't need you telling me the bleedingly obvious!"

"HOOT! HOOT!" said Kaepora very loudly, "Use your eyes to read the clue!1!1oneone"

"I know that! Okay?" said Link angrily.

"He's just trying to help!" laughed Zelda.

"HOOT! HOOT!" screamed Kaepora very loudly, "Press A to hide our encounter of a…"

A very loud horse and carriage clomped on by.

"…kind last night from Link!" said Kaepora.

Link stared at Zelda in shock.

"Kaepora!" said Zelda angrily.

Link stared at Zelda angrily, "You two-timing, no-good, monkey-lovin', cow-lickin', food-smellin'…"

"You know what?" said Zelda sweetly, "Maybe you were right about Kaepora! Maybe we should get rid of Kaepora because he isn't helping and _**lying**_ about what happened last night!"

"HOOT! HOOT!" screamed Kaepora helpfully, "Press A to keep on lying through your teeth, Zelda!"

Link and Zelda stared at Kaepora angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ to depart: 12:00 AM_

"You have fifteen dollars for this leg of the race, good luck!" read Yoshi.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Through our skills in accountancy," said Yoshi, "I think we can be very-"

Snake was biting off Yoshi's legs with his bare teeth.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi hysterically, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Eating your legs," said Snake in a low, Konami-like voice.

"AAAH! MY LEGS ARE BEING CONSUMED!1" screamed Yoshi, bleeding to death.

The camera panned towards Master Hand.

"Uh… thanks for that…" said Master Hand.

_Kakariko Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"First here, honey!" said Jigglypuff sweetly, walking into the sign-up building.

She spotted the sign-up clipboard placed atop a tall bench top.

"I hate this short people exclusion that they have on the race," grumbled Pikachu, jumping up to try and reach the clipboard. "They have to put all of the clues up so high so we can't get it…"

"Don't worry, I've got it!" laughed Jigglypuff, unscrewing the screws on the bench top.

The bench top collapsed, causing the clipboard to slide down next to Jigglypuff's feet.

"There!" said Jigglypuff, taking a pen and signing them up for the first flight.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ on 1:30 AM Flight_

"Good ol' Jigglypuff is resourceful after all!" she said, chuckling heartily.

…

"Pikachu?" said Jigglypuff, looking around.

"You idiot!" screamed Pikachu, a large nail impaled in his back and a bench on top of him, "You undid the screws so it fell on me!"

"You'll be fine, you wuss!" said Jigglypuff, skipping out of the building.

Several minutes later, a trail of blood oozed out next to Jigglypuff's legs as she hopped around near the entrance.

"Stop bleeding on me!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

_Elde Inn_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
5__th__ to depart: 12:35 AM_

"You must now make your way on one of four charter flights to the Comet Observatory! You must find the 'Terrace' for your next clue!" read Diddy Kong.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

"I think we're doing pretty well on the race so far," said Young Link, "Just that we need a lot more aggression in our game play; we want to get up to the top!"

…

"You have anything to add?" asked Young Link.

"Nope," said Diddy Kong lazily, leaning back and smiling on his chair.

"Dude, are you stoned?" said Young Link suspiciously.

"No, I'm just being mellow and low key…" said Diddy Kong, his eyes clearly puffed up and red.

…

"Okay! Fine!" sobbed Diddy Kong.

_Kakariko Airport_

_Fox and Samus  
2__nd__ on 1:30 AM Flight_

"We're on the first flight, we're on the first flight!" sung Fox.

"I noticed," said Samus.

"Really?" said Fox, grinning.

"Yeah, yeah," said Samus.

"It's really great, isn't it?" said Fox happily.

"Really, great…" said Samus, her fists starting to shake in rage.

"Yeah! I know! Isn't it great?" said Fox happily.

_Link and Zelda  
3__rd__ on 1:30 AM Flight_

Link and Zelda walked into the sign-up room.

"Awesome, hun! We're on the first flight!" said Link, signing up on a piece of paper.

"I know! Isn't that great?" asked Zelda happily.

"Yeah! Yeah! I know!" said Link, "Really awesome as anything!"

Samus stared at Link and Zelda, infuriated.

"I know! Really awesome and cool and great!" said Zelda.

"Yeah! Really rad, awesome, cool and great!" said Link.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Samus in a high-pitched shriek. "Can you guys just keep quiet about how great it is to be on the first flight, okay?"

"Okay," said Zelda happily.

"Yeah, yeah," said Link.

Link leaned over to Zelda to whisper. "_I think it's that time of-_"

Link looked up and saw Samus, glaring at him.

"_Uh…_" whispered Link, "_Maybe it isn't…_"

"Good," said Samus angrily, "And I can hear you. Your whispering is _really_loud."

"Okay," said Link.

…

Link leaned in closer to Zelda. "_…especially because, you know, during the pit stops I think her and Fox have been getting a little action, if you know what I mean-_"

Samus gutted Link alive.

"GAAWF!" screamed Link, dying.

"Heh," said Samus.

"Mmm," said Zelda.

…

"Wait!" screamed Zelda angrily at Samus, her face puffing up, "Link didn't give me back those fifty bucks! You-"

Samus grabbed Link's wallet and handed a fifty dollar-note to Zelda.

"Why thank you!" said Zelda graciously.

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ on 1:30 AM Flight_

"Snake's been pretty calm so far in this leg," said Yoshi, writing down their names on the sign-up pad, "Simply because I think if he doesn't have any reminders of violence, there should be no neurological reactions in his brains to go all psycho and start using his guns and everything."

"GUNS?!" screamed Snake, loading his pistol.

"No! No!" screamed Yoshi, rubbing on Snake's head to calm him down.

Snake slumped down and became in a state of relaxation, visions of sugarplums dancing around in his head. "No guns!"

"GUNS?!" screamed Snake, loading his pistol.

"No! No!" screamed Yoshi, giving Snake a back rub, "Nothing at all…"

"Ah," said Snake, going back into a relaxed state.

Jigglypuff, Pikachu and Fox walked over to Snake, playing Metal Gear Solid on their DSes.

"What have you done?!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

"Pardon?!" screamed Pikachu, turning his volume control up.

"Some people are being very loud, distracting and inconsiderate!" said Jigglypuff angrily, turning up the volume, causing the noises of gunfire and warfare to become much more noticeable.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" screamed Yoshi, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Last on 1:30 AM Flight_

"Hey guys!" said Young Link, waving to everyone else as Diddy Kong signed up, "You guys happy to see us?!"

"No," said Samus angrily.

"Oh," laughed Young Link, "Why?"

"Because we want to beat you," said Samus angrily.

"Yeah… yeah… we kinda… figured that out…" said Young Link.

_1__st__ Charter Flight  
1:30 AM_

_Young Link_

"On our flight we have Snake and Yoshi, the Pokemon, Samus and Fox, us and Link and Zelda," said Young Link.

_Elde Inn_

_Kirby and Sonic  
6__th__ to depart: 2:53 AM_

"You have fifteen dollars for this leg of the race, good luck!" read Kirby.

"…and then when we claim the moon as property of Sonictopia…" said Sonic, "..we…"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

"I feel sometimes as if Sonic is like on an entire different planet to me," said Kirby, "When he's not concentrating on the race, we just fall behind!"

"And then in my final smash," said Sonic, having not taken a breath for the last ten minutes, "I become super-huge Sonic and then I use my Sonic powers to trample on everyone else and then they start crying: Sonic! Sonic! Why wasn't I as good as you? Become my master! I want to learn! I want to become as…"

"Why don't you show him _your_ final smash?" asked Master Hand, snickering.

"Okay!" said Kirby happily, putting Sonic in a large, hot pot of boiling water.

"AAAAUGH!" screamed Sonic, the sound of burning skin becoming more apparent.

"Ha, ha, good one," laughed Master Hand.

Kirby took several of the Koopa cameramen and dumped them in the pot.

"Uh… okay… Kirby… that's really funny…" said Master Hand, unamused.

And the Koopa holding the grip.

"Okay Kirby… stop! Okay?" laughed Master Hand nervously.

And Master Hand.

"Kirby! What are you doing?!" screamed Master Hand, burning alive.

"Uh… nothing…" said Kirby, adding more boiling water to the pot.

"I'm so awesome… that I'm going to die _after _you!" boasted Sonic, being roasted alive.

"Shut up, you little runt!" screamed Master Hand, being burnt alive.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
7__th__ to depart: 3:30 AM_

"You must now make your way on one of four charter flights to the Comet Observatory! You must find the 'Terrace' for your next clue!" read Peach.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"I knew they were lying; I'm a lawyer and I have to deal with liars on an everyday basis," said Peach.

…

"Are you on crack or something?!" said Knuckle Joe.

_Kakariko Airport_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Come on… we want to catch a flight if it's possible…" said Kirby, jumping off his parked carriage and running into the sign-up building.

_Kirby and Sonic  
1__st__ on 4:30 AM Flight_

"We just looked at the sign-up list, and five teams are three hours ahead of us," said Kirby, bummed.

…

"And now we're stuck with these people…" said Kirby, spotting Peach and Knuckle Joe's carriage pull up.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Hey guys!" said Peach, walking into the room, attempting to close the door and stand in front of it as Knuckle Joe followed behind.

"Hey," said Kirby.

Peach wrote her name on the flight sign-up list.

"Hey!" she said excitedly, "We're on the same flight together! Isn't that so awesome?"

"Really is," said Kirby.

Knuckle Joe walked in through the smashed glass.

"How did you get in?!" said Peach worriedly.

Knuckle Joe pointed to the brick. "Peach! Could you let me into a building for once?" he said angrily.

"That's because you're too short to reach the door!" said Peach.

"You_locked _it," said Knuckle Joe angrily, pointing to the locked door Peach was standing in front of.

"Well then you're _tooo_ slow!" said Peach angrily.

"Nobody steals my taunt!" screamed Sonic angrily.

"Wanna fight?!" screamed Peach, taking a dead Toad out of her purse.

"Bring it!" screamed Sonic.

Sonic and Peach started slapping each other.

Knuckle Joe and Kirby stood next to each other.

"Hey… I remember you!" said Kirby happily, "…you helped me in that game once!"

"Um… It's good to be remembered, I guess?" said Knuckle Joe.

"Yeah! Hey Gooey! It's so good to see you, bro!" said Kirby. "You've changed colour though…"

"I'm Knuckle Joe," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Oh, oops!" laughed Kirby, "Well, uh… it's always good to see… one of you… enemies around sometime… yeah…"

"I_helped you_," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Sure you did!" said Kirby.

_Elde Inn_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
8__th__ to depart: 4:02 AM_

"I'm not gay," said Falco, trembling.

"Look man," said Mewtwo, "It's okay! I'm open to all types of people and all types of sexuality, including-"

"It's not true!" screamed Falco hysterically, "It's all a lie! It was a joke! Haha, get it? A joke! Ha, ha, ha!"

"Okay Falco," said Mewtwo, "I believe what you say, because I trust you as a friend and-"

Falco's cellphone rang.

Falco picked it up. "Hello?" said Falco with an overdone lisp.

"Hey Falco!" said an excited lisped hare voice from the other end of the line, "I was just thinking about our seeeecret romantic getaway that we were planning for so long!"

"Yeah, about that…" said Falco, trying to sound deep and straight, staring Mewtwo right in the eyes, "I'm sorry, you must be looking for… Falco… Rodriguez… I'm Falco Lombardi… the… not gay guy… okay?"

"Stop being silly, hun!" said the male hare voice, giggling, "It's Peppy! Talking to you! Falco Lombardi!"

"Who is that?" said Mewtwo, smirking.

"Uh… nothing!" screamed Falco, trembling and sweating, "Just my… heterosexual girlfriend… Katt Monroe!"

"Oh, okay-" said Mewtwo.

"Heyy! Falco!" screamed a female feline voice from the other side of the road, "Long time no see! Haha, what are **you** doing here in Hyrule?"

"Oh, hey… Katt," said Falco, swearing between every syllable, "Nice… to see you… again!"

"Yeah!" said Katt, laughing, "It's really strange us seeing each other after we broke up!"

Falco did a throat-slitting motion with his finger to Katt.

"But we're still friends, right?" laughed the cat, "How's that repressed homosexuality going that you only revealed to me and your boyfriend, Falco?"

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Falco, exaggerating each chuckle, "So funny of you to pretend to be my girlfriend, Matilda the cat, my biggest fan!"

"I'm not Matilda," said Katt, offended.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Falco hysterically, his eyes rotating crazily in opposite directions, "…but you can stop this right now Matilda, because I'm talking to my girlfriend on the phone right now!"

"I'm Peppy!" said the lisped hare voice on the other end of the line angrily.

"Shut up, Katt!" screamed Falco through the phone.

Katt started to cry.

"No! No!" said Falco, "I was just joking!"

"You're gay?!" said Mewtwo, somehow shocked.

"No! No! No!" cried Falco, "It's not true!"

Everybody stared at Falco, unconvinced.

"Great," said Falco, hitting his head on a brick wall.

Falco didn't pass out.

"Damn it!" he cursed.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 4:36 AM_

"You have fifteen dollars for this leg of the race, good luck!" read Bowser.

"Come on, Dad!" said Ness, walking through the town square.

"_We're just taking each leg one by one and it's worked so far,_" said Ness in a voice-over.

"You got everything?" asked Bowser.  
"My fanny pack!" screamed Ness.

"What? You forgot your fanny pack?" growled Bowser angrily, "Who forgets their fanny pack anyway? A bad son? Gosh, you have to race better… more attention to the details… okay?"

Ness whimpered.

"And you need to lose weight too," said Bowser.

"I'll get the fanny pack, dad," said Ness angrily.

Ness ran into the hotel for several minutes. There was no editing involved and the camera was fixed on Bowser's face.

"Okay, I've got it!" said Ness, running out.

"You're such an irresponsible son!" said Bowser angrily, "Always forgetting things!"

Bowser and Ness walked along.

"Did you bring the hernia cream?" asked Bowser.

"Hernia cream?" said Ness angrily, "I thought you were taking responsibility for it!"

"AAAGH!1" screamed Bowser, his hernia exploding, causing his entire leg to start bleeding onto the ground.

"Dad? Are you okay?" said Ness.

Ness ran back into the hotel.

He ran back out.

"Better!" said Ness, holding up the cream. "Now to apply this stuff!"

Ness applied some cream onto Bowser's bloodied leg.

It continued to bleed.

"Great! It's not working!" said Ness.

…

"Where did you get that Chinese-American accent from anyway?" said Ness angrily.

"A little help here?" screamed Bowser, a horse eating the remains of his bloody leg.

_Kakariko Airport  
4:25 AM_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Boarding 4:30 AM Flight_

"It's currently five minutes before the flight leaves," said Kirby, "But there might be the kung-fu guys joining us, so we're just hoping nothing happens."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh, I think that's a plane leaving!" screamed Falco, "We need to catch it!"

Mewtwo and Falco hopped out of their carriage.

"Yeah, let's get this," said Mewtwo.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Boarding 4:30 AM Flight_

"They're taking off the ladders now, it's good," said Knuckle Joe.

"I think that's them!" screamed Peach, pointing at Mewtwo and Falco, who were flagging the plane down.

"No! No! No!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"The plane's stopping! The plane's stopping!" screamed Falco, flailing his arms wildly.

The plane came to a stop.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Boarding 4:30 AM Flight_

"Come on, Mr. Pilot!" said Sonic angrily, "They can't board this flight! They're too late!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

The plane's engines were now completely off. The pilot opened one of the doors.

"Can we get on the plane?" shouted Falco.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Boarding 4:30 AM Flight_

"The pilot's stepping out of the plane," said Knuckle Joe, agitated, "This can't be good."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Can we get on the plane?" shouted Falco.

"Did you sign up on the list?" asked the pilot.

"Um… yeah?" said Mewtwo.

"So are you Peach, Knuckle Joe, Kirby and Sonic?" asked the pilot.

"I'm Peach," said Falco, "And that's Knuckle Joe. The blonde girl and the midget are impostors, taking our spot."

"How dumb do you think I am?" asked the pilot, getting back into the plane.

_2__nd__ Charter Flight  
4:30 AM_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We made it!" cheered Knuckle Joe.

_Kakariko Airport_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Damn it, if we were only here five minutes earlier," said Falco angrily. "They're leaving without us!"

"And out of the three dudes on the flight, why did you pick the girl?" said Mewtwo angrily, "I mean, come on, Peach?!"

"I'm not gay!" sulked Falco.

…

"And I want hair like hers!" cried Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last on 6:00 AM Charter Flight_

"We still have Mewtwo and Falco to beat, dad, we're still in," said Ness.

"Teams are now on three of four charter flights to the Comet Observatory!" said Master Hand.

"On the 1:30 AM flight that lands at 11:30 AM local time, there is Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Fox and Samus, Link and Zelda, Snake and Yoshi and Young Link and Diddy Kong!"  
"On the 4:30 AM flight that lands at 2:30 PM local time, there is Peach and Knuckle Joe and Kirby and Sonic!"  
"On the 6:00 AM flight that lands at 4:00 PM, there is Mewtwo and Falco and Bowser and Ness!"

_Comet Observatory_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 11:38 AM_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"No customs so we're first!" said Young Link, jumping out of the plane into the observatory.

"Ah, that looks like a terrace!" said Young Link, pointing to a roundish building fifty metres away from them.

Young Link and Diddy Kong ran in and grabbed a clue.

"Road Block! Who wants to be a bee?" read Young Link.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, that person must literally: become a bee!"  
"After deciding who should complete this Road Block, they must run one hundred metres to the Toad Brigade HQ and choose a charter ship that will accompany them throughout the leg! Once here, they must instruct their pilots to fly to the Honeyhive Galaxy and locate this fountain, where they will find a pile of bee suits!"  
"The person must then put on the suit and use their newly found bee powers to fly up and rescue one of twelve Toads located in high destinations! Once teams have done this, they will receive their next clue!"  
"This seems straightforward, but mastering Bee powers and having enough endurance to fly high will be quite hard!"

"I'll do it," said Young Link.

_Fox and Samus_

"I should do it," said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I'll do it," said Pikachu.

"Okay,**bee**kachu," laughed Jigglypuff.

Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff.

"Fine, be that way," said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

"Bee that way," giggled Jigglypuff.

"Ha, ha," said Pikachu.

_Link and Zelda_

"It's my turn," said Link.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"You do it, Yoshi," said Snake.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're beating those suckers," said Young Link, hopping into a ship. "Take us to the _Honeyclimb_ Galaxy!"

Some high-pitched string music played.

"Why did I hear some random high-pitched string music?" asked Diddy Kong.

"What?!" said Young Link, confused.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Take us to the Honeyhive Galaxy," said Samus.

"Wow Samus!" said Fox excitedly, "You're going to become Bee Samus! Hehe!"

"Yep, that's great," said Samus.

"I know! And then I can take a picture of you in the bee suit and then hang it up on our wall where we put all our wedding pictures," said Fox, "And-"

"Wedding pictures?!" said Samus angrily, "We're not getting married!"

"But-"

_Master Hand _

"Also, the taking of photographic material on this race is forbidden," said Master Hand angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
_"Just ruin my fun, will you?!" cried Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Why are you _bee_-ing so angry at your _bee_-autiful girlfriend, _bee_kachu?" laughed Jigglypuff.

"Jiggles, you're becoming too carried away with this!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Sorry," whimpered Jigglypuff.

…

"_Bee_-coming," laughed Jigglypuff.

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"Sorry," said Jigglypuff.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Heyy… this ship is so luxurious," said Link, leaning back on his seat. "And high-tech too!"

"Look! I just turned on the windscreen wipers!" laughed Zelda, pressing a button.

"Look! I just turned on the reading light!" said Link, flicking a switch.

"No, actually, that was the switch to turn on and off our oxygen supply in this sh-" said Zelda.

Zelda collapsed.

"In this what?!" screamed Link, panicking. "In this shoehorn?! In this ship?! In this shelter?! Will I ever know?!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"This is why we're so slow in footraces to the clue!" said Yoshi angrily.

"But now nobody knows that it's me," said the box, scooting along at several inches a second, "And the enemy doesn't suspect a thing…"

"Okay Snake, you really might wanna get out of that box now…" said Yoshi.

"Are you trying to jeopardise our team safety?" said the box angrily.

"Like really… now…" said Yoshi.

"I'm not getting out!" said the box angrily.

A large pulverising garbage disposal truck pulled up next to Snake on the outside of the observatory.

"Snake… I don't think good things are going to happen…" said Yoshi.

The truck's arms picked up a puppy dog and placed it inside its disposal area. After several loud crunches of gears and blender-like whirring sounds, a fountain of blood whooshed out the top of the top, splattering several bystanders watching the truck.

"Haha, don't be silly Yoshi, nothing's going to happen," said Snake, clenching to the box as the truck's arm picked him up.

_Honeyclimb Galaxy_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

Young Link and Diddy Kong hopped out of the ship to see a ninety-degree cliff face above them.

"_This_ is the Road Block?" said Young Link nervously.

"Yeah, I think so," said Diddy Kong. "Look! There's your bee suit!"

He pointed sixty metres up the cliff face.

"Yeah…" said Young Link, gulping, "That should be… really easy to get…"

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Samus  
1__st__ to Road Block_

"Look!" said Fox excitedly, "Look over there! There's the bee suits!"

Fox pointed to a fountain several hundred metres away from them.

"Come on, Samus! I can't wait for you to become bee Samus!" giggled Fox.

_Pikachu  
2__nd__ to Road Block_

"Come on_Bee_kachu! We can _bee_at them at this un-_bee_-lievable Road _Bee_ck!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"How would you like it if I called you bee-glypuff?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Waaaaaaah!" cried Jigglypuff. "How could you say such a thing?"

"But-"

"How could you say such a thing?!" shrieked Jigglypuff.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Look! These are real bees!" said Fox, pointing at a female bee as he skipped through the perfectly rendered grass.

Fox skidded in a cartoon-like manner and stopped at the female bee. "Can I make honey with you, honey?" said Fox in a sexy Fox-like manner.

The bee stung him.

"Yay! Now I've been rejected by **four** kinds of species!" cheered Fox happily.

…

"Wait," panicked Fox, "I'm allergic! I'm allergic to bees!"

Fox started to swell up. "I don't like these bees anymore! Stop stinging me! I don't like you!"

_Link  
3__rd__ to Road Block_

"How about we make some honey afterwards…" said Link suggestively, hopping off the ship and stepping through a small pool of honeycomb.

"I hate honey!" said Zelda angrily, "I hate making it and I hate the taste!"

…

Link put his head in his hands. "You stupid woman," he moaned.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"So you got out of that garbage incinerator how?" said Yoshi, still confused.

"The sheer volume of my muscle stopped the machine and I only got a tiny cut to the shoulder…" said Snake proudly.

…

"Snake, you're… missing two of your limbs…" said Yoshi, disturbed.

"Shut up!" snapped Snake.

_Honeyclimb Galaxy_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Are you sure this is correct?" shouted Young Link, thirty metres up the cliff face.

Diddy Kong looked at the clue.

"Uh… yeah…" said Diddy Kong uncertainly, "Yeah! The clue says we should… stay here… and we're not wrong… and that my reading is really good…."

"I'll take your word for it!" said Young Link, lunging up the cliff face several more metres.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Samus  
1__st__ to Bee Suit_

"I've got it!" shouted Samus, being magically quick-changed into her bee suit.

"Good job! Now let's see if you can fly!" cheered Fox.

Samus stood there.

She hopped.

She landed back on the ground.

"I don't see any difference!" said Samus angrily.

"Try harder!" said Fox angrily.

"How easy do you think this looks?" said Samus angrily, hovering several metres above the ground, "Do you think this stuff is so _easy_ to do?"

"Samus, you're flying!" cheered Fox.

"Oh, stop mocking me," said Samus angrily.

_Pikachu  
2__nd__ to Bee Suit_

"Look, Samus has got it!" said Jigglypuff, as Pikachu was clipping on his bee suit. "Now look around for Toads!"

Jigglypuff looked around.

"Look! There's one!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a bee several metres away from her.

"No, I'm a bee," said the bee.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's a Toad!" said Jigglypuff.

"It's a bee," said Pikachu.

"Are you calling me a liar?!" said Jigglypuff, offended.

_Samus  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"It's really great that you can mock my inability to fly," said Samus angrily, fifteen metres in the air. "But Fox, I-"

_Pikachu  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"How's Samus doing it and I'm not?" said Pikachu, frustrated.

"Well, it's pretty simple," said Jigglypuff, "All you have to do is press A and then you-"

"Jiggles, this is real life!" said Pikachu angrily. "I can't just press A and then-"

Pikachu's involuntary muscle movements caused him to hover in the air slightly.

"Wow! This physics defiance is so awesome!" said Jigglypuff, clapping her hands in amusement.

_Honeyclimb Galaxy_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Diddy, something about this just does not feel right…" said Young Link, "I can't see any Toads or anything!"

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Samus  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Samus, you're actually flying!" cheered Fox.

"Fox, that joke's getting really old," said Samus angrily, levitating, "First of all, it's not even funny and it's just agitating because I can't seem to get this bee thing to work!"

Samus looked down twenty metres at Fox.

"Oh," said Samus. "Well uh… yeah…"

Samus grabbed a Toad that was resting on a nearby tree.

"Good job, Samus!" cheered Fox.

_Samus  
Finished Road Block_

"Good job, now you're done!" said Fox.

"Now to get down to the ground!" declared Samus.

Samus stayed there, resting motionless in the air.

"Rats," said Samus angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Well we beat them!" said a cheery Jigglypuff, pointing to Samus who was still floating in the air.

"Just read the clue, okay?" said Pikachu, ripping open the clue envelope. "You must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy and find the planet shaped like one of your fellow racers! Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Teams must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they must figure out that this planet they must go to is the 'Yoshi Planet', a rock planet that largely resembles Yoshi's head! Once they land they must search for their next clue!"  
"Lying next to this clue is a Yield! When teams exercise their yield power, they force another team to flip over this hourglass and stop that team from racing until the hourglass has run out!"  
"For a yield to be exercised properly they can only yield teams that are behind them. This is one of five yields on the race, and teams may only use their powers once, so they must decide when it is most applicable!"

"Shaped like a fellow racer?!" said Pikachu, confused.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Whee-hee! I'm finally flying!" said Yoshi happily, "Snake, I think you would have enjoyed this-"

Yoshi looked down.

"Snake! What are you doing?!" screamed Yoshi.

"Startling the Toad you're aiming for," said Snake, aiming a rifle at a Toad several metres away from Yoshi. "If I miss by a few metres he might get scared and jump out of the tree!"

Yoshi noticed the red dot from Snake's gun was pointed right at the Toad's head.

"You're aiming right for him!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

"Really? Or are _you_ aiming for him?" said Snake angrily.

Snake aimed at Yoshi.

"You can't kill me!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Really? Or can't _you_ kill me?" said Snake angrily.

_Link  
On Road Block: Without Bee Suit_

"Now where could these bee suits possibly be?" said Link, Samus and Yoshi in the background floating fifteen metres in the air.

"Where Samus and Yoshi are?" suggested Zelda.

"No… I think that's a hologram created by the producers…" said Link, "Things aren't always as they seem, that's what modern day women need to learn-"

"Hi guys!" shouted Yoshi from up in the air.

Link turned around. He turned back to see a grinning Zelda.

"You win this time…" cursed Link.

_Honeyclimb Galaxy_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Young Link slid down the cliff and ran back to Diddy Kong. "Are you sure we're supposed to be here?"

Young Link read the clue. "We're in Honeyhive Galaxy, right?"

"I dunno," said Diddy Kong, clueless.

"I think we've stuffed up real bad! I think we've stuffed up!" said Young Link, panicking.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Come on, Jiggles!" said Pikachu angrily, "We have to go to the space ship now!"

"But I want a souvenir!" cried Jigglypuff.

"You're not getting any souvenirs!" said Pikachu, trying to pull Jigglypuff towards the spaceship.

"But there might be Bee jokes on coffee mugs!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Okay, buy your stupid souvenir," said Pikachu angrily.

"It won't be stupid when I read out the clever bee puns to you!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy and find the planet shaped like one of your fellow racers! Warning! Yield Ahead!" read Fox.

"Look, they're still at the gift shop, I think we can yield them!" said Samus.

"Don't underestimate those guys, they're pretty intelligent," said Fox, running along.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Taiwan? All I know about that place is that I really like eating Thai food," said Jigglypuff.

"What are you talking about?" said Pikachu, confused.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Warning! Yield Ahead!" read Yoshi.

"What do they mean by 'one of your fellow racers'?" said Snake, confused.

"I think they're referring to a planet shaped like one of us… I do know there's a Yoshi planet there…" said Yoshi.

"Pfft, we'd have to go there?" laughed Snake, "Don't be ridiculous, son."

_Link  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link! Go Link!" cheered Zelda.

"It's not helping, hun!" said Link angrily, "It's just irritating… and annoying!"

"Fine then," said Zelda angrily, "Just because I don't like cooking with honey…"

"You still don't get that freaking 'how about we make some honey afterwards' joke?!" said Link, infuriated.

"Yeah, well I thought honey was made by bees… so it's not very easy to make honey…"

"It was sexual innuendo," said Link angrily, trying to use his bee powers to fly.

"Oh, I get it!" laughed Zelda, "I see what you mean!"

Link stared at Zelda, unimpressed.

"So," laughed Zelda, "So when you say let's make some honey afterwards, you mean-"

Zelda explained the joke in graphic detail.

_Parent's Television Council _  
"Quick my slave stay-at-home mums!" cried the chairman to the women sitting at nearby desks, "Write angry letters to the newspaper now! Now! Now!"

_Link  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Zelda," said Link, "I know I make some sexist comments here and there but I do have to tell you that you are so-"

_Parent's Television Council _  
"Write more letters!" he shrieked, "SHUT THE ENTIRE NETWORK DOWN WITH OUR LETTERS!1"

_Link  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"-ing stupid," said Link angrily.

"So when you say the word f-" said Zelda.

_Parent's Television Council _  
"THIS IS BEYOND FUNNY MY ANGER LEVELS ARE SO… ANGRY!1" screamed the chairman, "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!"

_Link  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"…you don't actually mean the literal meaning of the word but instead, you're using it as a vulgar term?" said Zelda.

"Yes," said Link angrily.

…

Zelda slapped Link. "I have the most disrespectful person for a husband!" she cried.

_The Observatory_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"This is ridiculous!" said Young Link angrily, "We went to the wrong planet which took us twenty minutes to get to, and now we have to refuel because the actual planet is in the completely opposite direction!"

_Space Junk Galaxy_

_Fox and Samus_

"Fox," said Samus, looking out the right side of the ship, "Look for planets that kind of resemble the Smashers, okay?"

"Ooh, like that Yoshi one over there?" said Fox, pointing to the Yoshi planet.

"Yes, like that, but real," said Samus.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Hey, we should try the Yoshi planet!" said Yoshi.

"Okay, pilot, let's land on the Yoshi," said Snake.

"Are we going to yield?" asked Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We wasted so much time in that souvenir shop," said Pikachu angrily.

"But look!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, holding up fifteen mugs, "'I need to get my early morning buzz'… and it has a picture of a bee on it! And because it's a coffee mug, there's coffee supposed to be put in it so you get a buzz but there's also a bee on it! Haha, geddit?"

"How did I end up dating you?" said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus_

"Look!" said Fox, pointing several dozen kilometres behind them, "That's one of our ships landing!"

"Great," said Samus, "Pilot! Turn around and hit the Yoshi planet!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikachu! Behind you! There's a Yoshi planet!" said Jigglypuff anxiously.

"This isn't part of some bad pun, is it?" said Pikachu suspiciously.

"Pilot! Go to that Yoshi planet!" said Jigglypuff.

_Yoshi Planet_

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Get out of the ship!" said Snake.

"I think the clue box is here!" said Yoshi, "Everyone else is coming here too!"

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus's ship landed.

"Look! There's the clue box!" said Fox, pointing to a mat about thirty metres away from them.

"Let's get it then!" said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There's the mat!" said Jigglypuff, diving out of the ship before it landed.

_Yield Mat_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Snake and Yoshi ran onto the mat, followed by Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There are eight teams behind us, so we choose not to yield anybody!" said Yoshi to the camera.

Yoshi opened the clue. "Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks; in this detour: Hard Ice or Soft Ice!"  
"In Hard Ice, teams must take their ship five minutes to the Freezeflame Galaxy, where they must then put on skates provided inside the ship! Having done this, they must master the art of skating and navigate through a one kilometre death-defying skate course that is surrounded by lava! Once teams have completed this task, they will be handed their next clue."  
"This task seems easy, but falling in lava… hurts."  
"In Soft Ice, teams must make their way to the Beach Bowl Galaxy where they must find this beach and use a local fishing device to catch one Cheep Cheep!"  
"This seems a hard task, but teams with the brains to have one team member lure in the Cheep Cheep with their own bodies could find themselves reeling their next clue in quickly!"

"I think we should try fishing," said Snake.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Jiggles, we're not yielding anyone," said Pikachu, reading the clue.

"Why not?" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"Because we already used our yield, remember?" said Pikachu.

"So I can't yield Snake and Yoshi?" said Jigglypuff.

"They're in front of us anyway," said Pikachu.

"Oh."

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We choose not to Yield anyone!" said Fox, taking a clue. "Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?"

"Hard Ice," said Samus.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Link, you finally did it!" said Zelda angrily, "Could you have been any slower?"

"Being a bee isn't so easy!" said Link angrily, "Woman can't be bees!"

Zelda was being a bee.

Perfectly.

"Sure! Just recycle and don't write any new material for us, will you?" said Link angrily.

_Comet Observatory_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"How can refuelling take so long?!" screamed Young Link, as a motionless Koopa in the background poured fuel into their ship, drop by drop.

…

"Is that guy dead?" said Diddy Kong, scratching his head.

"Nope," said Young Link.

Large chunks of the Koopa's head splattered onto the ground, causing it to become deformed.

"He had plastic surgery…" said Young Link. "He actually has a removable face."

His legs crumpled into a pile of dirt.

"It's… it's supposed to be that way…" said Young Link.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Fox and Samus  
On Hard Ice_

"Come on!" said Samus, jumping out of the ship on her skates onto the ice, "We can beat the Pokemon! Have you put on your skates?"

"Skates?!" said Fox, shocked, "I thought you said plates!1"

Fox started to cry. "And the superglue on my feet has dried and it will peel off my fur if I try and take them off!" he moaned.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Hard Ice_

"I thought you said you were a seasoned skater," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Maybe if you weren't holding onto me I'd skate better," said Pikachu angrily.

"Well maybe I don't have a natural talent like _you do_!" said Jigglypuff angrily, clutching onto Pikachu tightly.

…

"Besides," said Jigglypuff, staring happily at the fire on the edges of the course, "You should be strong enough to hold me up!"

"It's uh… not that…" said Pikachu, alarmed, "I was more annoyed at the fact that…"

"Yes?" said Jigglypuff, Pikachu skating straight towards a pit of lava.

"…you were covering my eyes, and I can't see where I'm going!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Don't worry, we're only heading towards a gigantic pit of lava-" said Jigglypuff happily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's eyes widened.

They fell in the burning lava.

"AAAAH!" screamed Pikachu, ablaze.

"This must _bee_ my worst feeling of pain ever!" laughed Jigglypuff, burning alive.

"No bee jokes!" screamed Pikachu, burning alive.

…

"And we're not even on a bee planet anymore!" said Pikachu's charred remains.

_Beach Bowl Galaxy_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Soft Ice_

Snake and Yoshi sat there, fishing, Snake holding a gun in one hand.

…

"Seen the movie 'Old Yeller'?" said Snake, holding his net underneath the water.

"Yep," said Yoshi.

…

"Do you want to… be my dog?" said Snake.

"No!" said Yoshi angrily.

"You sure?" said Snake, "I think you have rabies now… and I'm having a very epic dilemma… and it's a coming of age thing… and… and I think I have to shoot you."

Snake stared at Yoshi, licking his lips.

"I need to… go into town to get some… ice cream," said Yoshi nervously.

"You can get some from here!" said a happy penguin in an ice cream truck, five metres away. "You don't have to go away to get ice cream!"

The penguin smiled.

Yoshi nervously walked up to the ice cream truck. "Uh… could you… move the truck say… fifty metres away?"

"DON'T YOU LIKE MY ICE CREAM?!" screamed the penguin, fuming.

"No!" yelped Yoshi defensively.

"Okay," said the penguin happily.

Snake shot Yoshi. His body plopped onto the ground, blood seeping out everywhere.

The penguin stared at Snake, slightly shocked, "Uh… would you like some ice cream."

"_Grown men don't eat ice cream,_" muttered Snake under his breath.

Credits rolled.

_Wolf Explains The Joke_

"Well, it's because in the movie 'Old Yeller'," said Wolf in an overly done deep British accent, "…the boy has to shoot his dog. And then the dog dies."

…

"So Yoshi doesn't want to be shot."

"Wolf… that's… really great…" said Master Hand.

_Comet Observatory_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're finally going!" said Young Link, relieved, the ship taking off.

_Yoshi Planet_

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Okay hun, let's try to find the clue," said Zelda, looking around the Yoshi planet.

"There it is!" said Link, pointing to a mat.

"Yield!" said Zelda, "Should we Yield anyone?"

"Well let's think…" said Link, thinking, "The only guys we didn't see in front of us at all were Young Link and Diddy Kong… should we yield them?"

"Yeah, okay," said Zelda, "Let's go for it!"

"We choose to Yield Young Link and Diddy Kong," said Link, sticking two pictures on the board near the clue box.

_Link and Zelda  
Yielded Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Okay!" said Link, opening the clue, "Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?"

"You can fish, right?" said Zelda.

"Yep," said Link.

…

"…so… as a result of that…" said Zelda, "…we should do… the_fishing_ task?"

"No, we're doing the skating task," said Link.

"I don't wanna skate!" cried Zelda, "I don't wanna!"

Link sighed.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Hard Ice_

"Aren't you so proud of me for skating all this way?" said Jigglypuff happily.

Pikachu gave Jigglypuff a dirty look.

"What?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pikachu pointed to the sled he was carrying Jigglypuff along on.

"_Shh,_" said Jigglypuff, "The production crew don't know!"

"We do," said the cameraman.

"Well uh…" said Jigglypuff, "Uh…"

"Wait,_you're_ on the sled too?!" said Pikachu angrily to the cameraman. "That means you're interfering with our performance on the race!"

"Well uh…" said the cameraman, "Uh…"

_Fox and Samus  
On Hard Ice_

"Whee!" giggled Fox, skating through the final stretch of ice down to the clue box.

"Okay, we're done!" said Samus, grabbing the clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" said Samus.

"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop of the race, the Engine Room!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry as the last team to check in, _may_ be eliminated. To access this high point in the Comet Observatory, they are not allowed to use these warp platforms to get up! Instead, they must perform a perilous climb up a very large sixteen flight staircase!"

"Let's go!" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" said Jigglypuff.

_Beach Bowl Galaxy_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Soft Ice_

"Why didn't we think of this before?" said Snake, lowering a penguin (a hook attached onto his mouth) down into the water.

"Because uh… we thought the penguins were our friends before," said Yoshi. "…and apparently we're now above the local homicide and international animal rights laws…"

"Oh, you're above the law?" laughed a nearby police officer, "…because… we sent in all of these men to arrest you… but seeing you guys are above the law… you're free!"

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

_Link and Zelda  
On Soft Ice_

"Okay Zelda," said Link, "The basic principle that all women need to learn about fishing is that-"

A Cheep Cheep jumped out of the water, ate Link's fishing equipment and dived back in.

"Want to switch tasks?" said Link.

_Comet Observatory_

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus, puffing, ran onto the pit stop.

"Fox and Samus, you're team number **one**!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Fox.

"…and I have some good news," said Master Hand, "As the winners of this leg of the race, you have both won ten thousand dollars!"

"Master Hand… are you just recycling prizes?" said Samus.

"How dare you say that!" cried Master Hand.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Arrived 2__nd_

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

"You guys have jumped to the top of the pack," said Master Hand, "What's your secret of success?"

"Oh, I've been slipping chlorophyll into some other teams' drinks!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff, Pikachu and Master Hand laughed.

…

"Don't you mean _chloroform_?" said Master Hand.

"No! Chlorophyll!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigglypuff, I think you're getting your chemistry terms wrong," said Master Hand.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Diddy Kong turned green.

_Comet Observatory_

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed at 2:18 PM_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Kirby ran in and took a clue.

"Road Block! Who wants to be a bee?" read Kirby.

"I will!" said Sonic.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ place_

"I think I'll do it," said Knuckle Joe.

"Okay!" said Peach, "Congratulations! You're going to be a bee!"

…

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Young Link  
5__th__ to Road Block_

"We're finally here," said Diddy Kong, sprinting through the luscious grass of the bee planet.

"Now we have to find the bee suits… I can't see them anywhere!" said Young Link, running past a fountain.

High-pitched string music played as the camera panned on the bee suits they just ran past.

_Beach Bowl Galaxy_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" read Yoshi, "Warning, the last team to check in _may_ be eliminated!"

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Hun! I'm so proud of you… you're almost as good as the worst male skater!" said Link, watching Zelda's legs carve through the ice fiercely, triumphant music playing in the background.

Zelda tried to accept the compliment.

"You should be proud, Zelda! You're almost better than _one_ person of the male gender!" said Link happily.

Zelda gave Link a dirty look.

"What?" said Link angrily. "You're not going to accept my compliment?"

"Well it's not a very flattering comment, Link," said Zelda angrily.

"What am I supposed to say, women are _better_ than men?" laughed Link.

"Well how about accepting that men and women are equal?" said Zelda.

"No!" said Link angrily.

"I'll give you a massage," said Zelda seductively.

"Only if it's a sexual massage, woman," said Link.

…

"Oh my gosh! You are so stupid!" said Zelda angrily, "What kind of massage do you think I was talking about? A… a non-sexual massage?!"

"Yes?!" cried Link.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Sonic  
6__th__ to Road Block_

"Sonic! There they are!" said Kirby, pointing to a pile of bee suits.

_Young Link  
On Road Block_

"I swear we've been walking around in circles!" said Young Link, leaning on a fountain of bee suits, "These stupid freaking things must be somewhere!"

"Hmm, hmm, hmm," hummed Diddy Kong, juggling a rolled up bee suit with his feet.

"They must be somewhere!" said Young Link angrily.

_Sonic  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"I don't think they notice yet," said Kirby. "So _don't_ tell them that they're standing right next to the bee suits."

"Okay!" shouted Sonic happily, zipping up the bee suit, "So we're not going to tell them that?"

"Yep, or I'll kill you," said Kirby, in a jolly manner.

"Right then!" said Sonic, thrusting his arm in a jolly manner.

_Knuckle Joe  
7__th__ to Road Block_

Peach and Knuckle Joe walked up to the bee suits.

"Hey look! The bee suits are here!" exclaimed Peach excitedly.

"Don't talk about the bee suits!" screamed Sonic, panicking, a red rifle dot being aimed on his shoulder.

"Why shouldn't we talk about what?" said Peach, confused.

"The bee suits! Being right here! At this fountain!" screamed Sonic, panicking.

"So then uh…" said Peach.

"We don't tell Young Link and Diddy Kong about the bee suits being at the fountain!1" shrieked Sonic really loudly in a high-pitched girly voice.

Diddy Kong turned around. "Look! Bee suits!"

Kirby glared angrily at Sonic.

"Please don't shoot me…" begged Sonic.

"I won't shoot you…" said Kirby.

_Two minutes later…_

"Hey… this isn't so bad! I'm not feeling any pain at all!" said Sonic happily.

"That's right… Sonic… go out with a bang!" said Knuckle Joe, chuckling.

"Bang?! What bang?!" said Sonic, not realising he was tied to the ground and strapped with dynamite.

"Don't worry Sonic," said Kirby, "We'll find you… a perfect match!"

Sonic's eyes turned to love hearts. "You mean… you'll find me a… a girlfriend?!"

Sonic's eyes flickered as he held his arms to his cheek, fantasizing about love.

"No… a perfect… match!" said Peach, lighting a match and lighting the dynamite.

"Hahahahaha!" chuckled everyone.

Peach and Sonic blew up.

"Two birds with… one stone!" laughed Kirby.

Everyone who was still alive chuckled.

'Cartoon-ending' music played.

Credits rolled.

_One Awkward Explanation Later…  
_Kirby took a clue. "You must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy and find the planet shaped like one of your fellow racers! Warning! Yield Ahead!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Warning! Yield ahead!" read Knuckle Joe.

_Comet Observatory_

_Snake and Yoshi  
_"Snake and Yoshi, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Yoshi.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Young Link  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"How come we can't get an edit where we get the task done really quickly?" sulked Young Link, "We're not even done yet!"

"Because you're not doing that much except whining," said Diddy Kong.

"I'm not whining!" whined Young Link.

…

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Zelda, where are we going?" said Link, braking.

"What? I thought _you_ were navigating!" said Zelda angrily.

"So you mean we're going the wrong way?!" said Link angrily, turning around to face Zelda. "You've got the map, so take a look!"

Zelda took the map out, which consisted of a straight line.

"Uh…" said Zelda.

"So where are we going?" said Link angrily.

"I think we have to go the other way," said Zelda.

"Fine then! We'll go the other way!" said Link angrily, back turned to the clue box.

Dramatic string music played.

_Last Flight  
Landed at 3:46 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

Mewtwo and Falco dashed out of the ship, Falco lugging around a large handbag.

"Falco, why are you suddenly using all of these items that accentuate your homosexuality?" said Mewtwo angrily, running towards the terrace.

"I'm not gay, okay?" said Falco angrily, trying to wipe off his clumsily applied mascara.

"Just, why are you trying so hard?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Whatever," said Falco, taking a clue.

"Road Block! Who wants to be a bee?" read Falco.

"Ooh! Ooh!" screamed Falco excitedly, flailing around his arms. "I'll do it!"

"See?" said Mewtwo, "Accentuating your homosexuality."

"Hey, at least I'm in Brawl!" said Falco.

Mewtwo cried.

"That's right, see?" said Falco angrily, "I could call you gay, see? Only gay men cry! See how prejudiced and unfair it is to just judge someone like-"

Falco was crying.

"Why must I not help my case?" cried Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Who wants to be a bee?" read Ness.

"Oh… I'd like to be a bee," said Bowser, smiling evilly.

A wave-like transition filled the screen and cut to a Bowser fantasy.

"Work! Slave bees! Work!" cackled Bowser manically, lines of marching bees carrying honey to his confectionary production mega-factory.

"But Bowser, how could you do this to me?!" said a young bee, tears rolling down his cheek, facing the leader, who was being held up on posts by middle-aged bees.

"Because I'm evil!" screamed Bowser, taking out his phaser gun.

Bowser shot the young bee, disintegrating him into tiny ashes.

The wave-like transition cut back to Bowser in the real world, who was cackling menacingly as he held up the clue.

"Uh… you _do_ know that you're not going to become a bee ruler in this road block, right?" said Ness.

"HOW DID YOU SEE INTO MY VISION?!" screamed Bowser hysterically.

"I'm psychic," said Ness.

"Oh," said Bowser.

_Yoshi Planet_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Peach and Knuckle Joe ran up to the clue box.

"Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?" read Knuckle Joe.  
"Ooh, let's skate!" said Peach, "…how did you manage to reach the clue box?"

"This ladder they gave me," said Knuckle Joe, pointing to a ladder the production crew gave him.

"Oh," said Peach.

…

"Should we… go then?" said Knuckle Joe.

"When you grow a bit taller!" laughed Peach.

…

"Which means _**never**_!" shrieked Peach.

Knuckle Joe stepped on the ladder.

"Wow! I guess I wasn't joking! This way of increasing your height really does work!" said Peach happily.

…

Peach stepped into the ship.

Knuckle Joe hopped off the ladder and stepped in the ship.

Peach started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked Knuckle Joe.

"Because this stupid scene will never end!" cried Peach.

…

…

"It never will!" cried Peach.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?" read Kirby.

"Hard Ice! I'll wing it!" said Sonic confidently.

"Don't go too fast or you'll fall into the lava," said Kirby.

"Not now, with the help of my friend, Miles 'Tails' Prower, who will assist me through the ice with his helicopter!" boasted Sonic.

Nothing happened.

"He'll turn up!" said Sonic.

Nothing happened.

"He'll turn up…" said Sonic angrily.

Kirby burped out Tails's body.

"Tails! There you are!" said Sonic, holding Tails's skull.

They went back into the ship.

"Hi Tails!" said Sonic to his body.

…

"Tails is a bit anorexic and he's sensitive about that…" whispered Sonic into Kirby's ear.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Finally!" said Young Link, relieved, opening the clue, "You must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy and find the planet shaped like one of your fellow racers! Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Eep," said Diddy Kong, "Do you think somebody yielded us?"

"Naah," said Young Link.

The camera swooped fifty metres to the left, where Mewtwo and Falco were running up the hill.

_Falco  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Oh my gosh, that's Young Link and Diddy Kong leaving," said Falco, slipping on his bee suit.

"I thought they landed here five hours ago," said Mewtwo, scratching his head.

"Great, now we can finally beat these stupid kids," said Falco.

_Bowser  
On Road Block: With Bee Suit_

"Good job, Dad!" said Ness to Bowser, who was hovering ten metres in the air.

"Be quiet! You're embarrassing me!" said Bowser angrily, several young bees taking amusement to the fact that a large turtle was flying.

"Daddy Waddy!" laughed Ness.

"Shut up."

"Daddy Waddy!" laughed Ness.

Bowser roared, causing a large spell of fire to burn Ness's face.

"AAAAH!" screamed Ness, falling backwards into the nearby acidic lake.

"See? A good little scare never did anyone any harm," said Bowser.

Ness's bones floated to the surface.

"Yeah…" said Bowser happily.

_Donkey Kong Planet_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"How uncanny!" said Diddy Kong, stepping out of the ship, "There really is a planet that is exactly the same appearance, shape, smell and size of Donkey Kong!"

…

"I have reason to believe we're not actually on a small planet but rather, Donkey Kong's carcass which is somehow floating through space…" said Young Link.

Diddy Kong whimpered.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Isn't that Peach and Knuckle Joe coming towards us?!" said Zelda, skating back towards the start.

"No, don't be silly, woman!" laughed Link.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On Hard Ice_

"Hey guys!" said Peach, passing Link and Zelda, "You guys got the clue yet?"

"Those idiots, they're just going the wrong way," scoffed Link.

Link reached Peach and Knuckle Joe's ship. "Nice try guys, but I can see through your plan of hiding the clue box!" scoffed Link.

_Kirby and Sonic  
On Hard Ice_

"Hey guys! We haven't seen you all day!" said Kirby, skating away from Link and Zelda.

"I… think we're going the wrong way?" said Zelda.

"Nonsense," scoffed Link.

_Honeyhive Galaxy_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"You must now fly to the Space Junk Galaxy and find the planet shaped like one of your fellow racers! Warning! Yield Ahead!" read Mewtwo.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'm so proud of you dad!" exclaimed Ness, opening the clue.

"Will you be proud of me when I eat you?" laughed Bowser.

Ness stared, scared at Bowser.

"Just kidding," laughed Bowser.

Ness stared.

"Darn it! He found me out!" said Bowser angrily, injecting Ness with forgetting serum… or something like that…

_Yoshi Planet_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

Young Link and Diddy Kong hopped out of their ship and ran onto the rock planet.

"There's the clue box!" said Diddy Kong excitedly.

Young Link sprinted up to the clue box, to realise he had been yielded.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Yielded_

"This is just great!" screamed Young Link, flipping over the hourglass.

…

"Young Link…" said Diddy Kong softly, "Why aren't you taking the clue?"

…

Diddy Kong poked Young Link. "Huh? Why didn't you take the clue?"

…

Diddy Kong poked Young Link. "Huh? Why didn't you take the clue?"

"We were**yielded**!" screamed Young Link.

"Oh," said Diddy Kong.

…

"So can we _now_?" said Diddy Kong.

The same tired gag was repeated for some time.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" said Peach.

Knuckle Joe stared at Peach, who was smiling. "So are we going to go to the pit stop or what?" he said angrily.

Peach continued to smile at Knuckle Joe.

"So?!" he said angrily.

"Just wait, I need to tell you a midget joke!" said Peach.

Knuckle Joe sighed.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"…the pit stop, the Engine Room!" read Sonic.

"Hey, that's Peach and Knuckle Joe five metres away!" said Kirby, waving.

"Hey guys, come over here!" said Peach, "I'm telling a joke!"

"I love jokes! Especially when I'm not the subject!" said Sonic, running over to Peach.

Peach cleared her throat. Kirby walked over.

"A midget got pick pocketed the other day… how could anyone stoop that low?" said Peach.

Sonic and Peach laughed.

"I get it… because it's at someone else's expense!" laughed Sonic.

"I get it because I'm a princess!" laughed Peach.

Kirby and Knuckle Joe stared blankly.

"Princess Peach and Sonic the Hedgehog got pick pocketed the other day… how could anyone stoop that low?" said Knuckle Joe.

Peach and Sonic started to cry and cut themselves.

"I don't wanna be short! Stop it now! Stop it!" cried Peach, cutting herself with a razor.

_Parent's Television Council _  
"Just because Princess Peach does it, doesn't mean you should," said a man in a suit, "…so don't cut yourselves."

He continued to watch a screen.

Peach was giving money to starving Ethiopian children.

"And don't do that either," said the man. "Send that money to us, the parent's television council."

The man stared at the camera for the next fifteen seconds threateningly.

**Finish Times:**

Patricia and Ned: 2:25 PM  
Donald and Ronald: 2:27 PM

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"I think I see the other two teams over there with clues!" said Link, lying on the ice, spyglass in one eye.

"Yes! You've been saying that for the last hour!" said Zelda angrily. "Can we go there now?"

"Okay!" said Link.

…

"You're not getting up," said Zelda.

"Oh… I'm just stuck to the ice…" said Link.

"Just great," said Zelda angrily.

_Yoshi Planet_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place: Yielded_

"Oh great, I see ships," said Young Link angrily, leaning back on the Yield post.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Oh, hey guys!" said Falco, "For the first time I'm happy to see you!"

"Yeah, because you can get _in front_ of us!" said Young Link angrily.

Falco stared at Young Link. "Really?"

Mewtwo took a clue. "Detour! Hard Ice or Soft Ice?"

"Oh, I want to be an ice ballerina!" said Falco. "And I can put on my pink ice shoes and-"

Mewtwo stared at Falco.

Falco cleared his throat and said in a very deep voice, "Skating because it's masculine and… rad… rad… yeah…"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Should we do Soft Ice?!" suggested Bowser happily.

"Yeah!" said Ness happily.

"Are you excited about fishing?"

"Yeah!"

"Really excited?"

"Yeah!"

"Shall we sing about _fishing_?" said Bowser happily, strumming a G chord on the guitar.

"Where did you get the guitar from?" said Ness, confused.

"That dead guy over there," said Bowser, pointing to Diddy Kong's corpse.

"But I thought two minutes ago Diddy Kong-"

Bowser started to play the guitar.

"_This is the way we go and fish,_" sung Ness and Bowser in unison, "_Go and fish, go and fish…_"

"Wait you never explained Diddy Kong's corpse and-"

"Explain this!" screamed Bowser, murdering Ness.

…

"That's right… you can't…" said Bowser, "You can't because you're dead…"

_Comet Observatory_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Peach and Knuckle Joe puffed up the final flight of stairs onto the pit stop.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"What?!" said Peach and Knuckle Joe in unison.

"That's right, you're in the top four guys!" said Master Hand, "Tell me about how come you did so well this leg!"

Said Peach, "I guess I… overcame my disability as a midget and-"

A cane hook dragged Peach off the pit stop.

Canned laughter ensued.

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Sonic stared at Master Hand.

"So how do you guys feel about coming in fifth?" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Sonic stared at Master Hand.

"Guys…" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Sonic stared at Master Hand.

"Guys?!"

Kirby whispered something in Master Hand's ear.

"Oh!" chuckled Master Hand, "Kirby and Zelda, you're team number five!"

"Good enough," said Kirby.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"I'm freezing!" screamed Link, shivering.

…

"That's because I removed all your clothes to get you out of the ice," said Zelda.

"Really?" said Link angrily. "I never noticed that I had no **clothes on!**"

"Well you're not being very observant then, are you?" said Zelda.

Link sighed.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Hard Ice_

The ship landed.

"I see a princess and a… naked guy over there," said Mewtwo.

"We can catch them!" said Falco.

_Beach Bowl Galaxy_

_Bowser and Ness  
On Soft Ice_

"Now… let me think…" said Bowser, "Where could we _possibly_ get a Cheep Cheep from?"

Ness pointed to a 'Cheep Cheep on a Stick Truck', sitting five metres away from them.

"Hooray!" cheered Bowser and Ness in unison.

Bowser bought one, handed it in and took the clue.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" read Bowser.

_Yoshi Planet_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour!" read Young Link, "Hard Ice or Soft Ice?"

"We learnt skates in scouts! Let's do that!" said Diddy Kong cheesily.

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Link, why are you so slow?" said Zelda angrily.

Link was a block of ice due to him being… so unclothed.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Hard Ice_

"There they are! Up there!" said Falco, clumsily trudging through the ice course.

_Comet Observatory_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"There's the pit stop!" said Ness, pointing up the top of a long, tedious staircase.

Bowser spotted the flight of stairs. "Great! We need to cover twenty floors!"

"Dad, we can do this!" said Ness, "I _know_ we can!"

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Link, stop being so frozen!" said Zelda angrily, knocking on Link's ice cube. "The Pit Stop is five metres away!"

…

Zelda put her tongue on Link's large block of ice.

It stuck.

"Great!" she muttered.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Hard Ice_

"We're doing good, we're doing good," said Falco, wobbling through the ice course, narrowly dodging falling into the boiling lava.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On Hard Ice_

"There's two teams!" said Young Link, looking out from the ships as he slipped on his boots. "We can catch them!"

_Comet Observatory_

_Bowser and Ness  
On 2__nd__ Floor_

"You're doing good, dad…" said Ness, trying to sound confident, Bowser struggling to continue up each step. "Really good."

Bowser collapsed.

"Yeah… good job… dad… taking that break…" said Ness uneasily. "…and your… not moving… good…"

_Freezeflame Galaxy_

_Link and Zelda  
On Hard Ice_

"Link!" said Zelda angrily to Link's ice cube. "Stop being so frozen!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Hard Ice_

Mewtwo and Falco skated past Link and Zelda.

"See you at the pit stop- oh wait, you guys are frozen!" laughed Falco, taking a clue.

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room!" read Falco.

"See you guys!" laughed Falco, jumping into the ship.

Mewtwo and Falco hopped into the ship.

"So… uh… where are we going again?" said Falco.

"I don't know!" said Mewtwo angrily, "Read the clue again!"

"The clue?" said Falco, holding up a packet of Church Wafer Snacks.

…

"Oh great… I ate the clue! I thought they were church wafers!" screamed Falco.

"You go to church?!" said Mewtwo. "Church boy."

"Shut up!" cried Falco, "I love God!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On Hard Ice_

"There's the clue box!" said Young Link excitedly, "And look! It seems we're not going to get out after all!"

"Yeah! Because they're frozen!" said Diddy Kong cheerfully.

They skated past Link and Zelda, taking a clue.

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and-" read Young Link.

Diddy Kong was using his ice pick to get Link out of the large comical ice block he was in.

"Diddy Kong! Why are you helping them?!" screamed Young Link hysterically.

"But I wanted to be a gentleman and be nice to a lady, just like you taught me!" said Diddy Kong, "And she said please, and she-"

Link was unfrozen.

"Thanks guys!" said Link cheerfully.

"Aaah!" screamed Young Link, taking Diddy Kong. "Let's go!"

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"You must now make your way back to the Comet Observatory and make your way to the pit stop, the Engine Room! Warning, the last team to check in _may_ be eliminated!" said Link.

_Comet Observatory_

_Bowser and Ness  
On 11__th__ Floor_

"You're doing good dad, doing good!" said Ness, puffing. "Five more floors to go!"

The camera swooped down towards the ground, where Mewtwo and Falco were hopping out of their ship.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Ground Floor_

"We've got this!" said Falco, sprinting up the first flight of stairs.

"This might be the first time we'll beat those rascally kids!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
On Ground Floor_

"Diddy Kong, they're ten metres in front of us! Throw stuff at them to slow them down!" said Young Link desperately.

Diddy Kong threw their passports at Mewtwo and Falco.

"…which aren't our travel documents!" screamed Young Link.

_12__th__ Floor_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I hear movement down there!" shouted Ness, panicking. "Hurry up, Dad! We need to run!"

"Don't worry, we'll use our mental strength to beat them," said Bowser, panting.

"How will mental strength help in a footrace?" said Ness angrily.

"Don't make me treat you like the hippos treat their young," said Bowser angrily.

"What do Hippos do to their young?" said Ness.

"Eat them," said Bowser.

…

"Does that mean you'll eat me?" whimpered Ness.

"Yes," said Bowser angrily.

…

"Yes, I will eat you," said Bowser, licking his lips.

"Let's uh… concentrate on the race, shall we?" said Ness uncertainly.

_8__th__ Floor_

The six last racers were in a bunched pack in a race to the line.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"This is a mad dash for the line!" screamed Young Link, inching in front of Mewtwo. "Hurry Diddy, hurry!

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We can't lose to these stupid kids again!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, "Hurry Falco, hurry!"

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'm trying!" screamed Falco, panting, wedged between Link and Zelda several metres behind.

_15__th__ Floor_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I can see the pit stop!" said Ness excitedly, pointing to a map thirty metres in front of them. "Any medical conditions you want to tell me about that will stop us from checking in and going into the next leg?" he laughed.

"Actually, I'm narcoleptic," laughed Bowser.

They both had a hearty chuckle.

"Oh Bowser, you're a tickler," said Ness, chuckling heartily.

Bowser fell asleep.

"Great!" screamed Ness angrily.

_13__th__ Floor_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Not going to lose to the kids, not going to lose to the kids," sung Falco insanely as he ran alongside Ness up the stairs.

_Link and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

Link and Young Link stared at each other angrily as they ran alongside each other up the stairs.

"Youth breath," said Link angrily.

"Doodie head," said Young Link angrily.

"How can the youth of today be so mean?!" cried Link.

_15__th__ Floor_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Bowser woke up, in a daze.

"EVERYONE'S HERE!" screamed Ness, pointing to Young Link, Mewtwo, Falco, Link, Zelda and Diddy Kong, all exactly ten metres behind him.

"Come on, Dad!" he screamed, holding his father's hands up the stairs.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Diddy Kong and Falco ran onto the mat. Diddy Kong and Falco started to slap each other, trying to get each other off the mat.

Zelda, Young Link, Link and Mewtwo were wrestling each other whilst Ness dragged Bowser, who went back to sleep around the brawl very slowly.

"Hurry up!" screamed Falco.

"Come on, Young Link!" said Diddy Kong.

Young Link and Mewtwo both realised at the same time, and made a mad dash for the mat.

Link and Zelda, who thought that the fight was still going on, continued to slash, maul and dismember each other.

Ness, eight metres away from the pit stop, continued to drag a sleeping Bowser towards the mat.

Mewtwo attempted to use his telekinesis on Young Link, but missed, thrusting him onto the mat. Mewtwo scampered onto the mat and let out big… purrs of frustration. Two teams were yet to check in.

Master Hand, stood, grinning.

Link and Zelda continued to slash swords at each other.

Bowser woke up and had a large spasm, knocking Ness onto the mat and sending himself backwards.

Link and Zelda realised they were fighting each other, and made a desperate sprint to the mat.

Bowser grabbed onto Zelda's high heels, but she slipped out of her shoes and staggered towards the mat.

Shouted Ness, "Toss me her shoe, dad!"

Zelda continued to stagger towards the mat, five metres away.

Bowser tossed Zelda's shoe to Ness.

Ness stabbed Link in the eye with it, causing him to topple backwards off the mat.

Zelda ran onto the mat. "Hurry, Link!"

Bowser limped towards the pit stop, several steps away.

Link, blinded, made a literal blind dash for the pit stop. Haha, get it?

As Zelda looked away, Ness grabbed her other shoe and stabbed Link in his other eye with the shoe.

"GAAAH!" screamed Link, falling backwards again.

Bowser continued to limp towards the mat.

Link took the shoes out of his eyes and looked at the mat.

Bowser started to sprint.

Link started to sprint.

Everybody gasped in anticipation.

Bowser stepped onto the mat, screaming in an atypical high-pitched squeal.

Master Hand stared, slightly bewildered.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

"Yeah!" cheered Diddy Kong.

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

Mewtwo and Falco continued to grumble at the fact that they were still behind those meddling kids.

"Bowser and Ness, you're team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Bowser and Ness.

Emotional string music started to play.

"Link and Zelda, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Zelda became teary.

"And I'm… …_sorry_ to tell you, you both have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

"We… we had fun…" said Link.

_Link and Zelda_

Link and Zelda stood outside the mat.

"Gosh darn it!" cried Link, "We stuffed up so bad!"

"I hate you. I'm getting a divorce. You abused me so much," said Zelda angrily.

"We put the race first before our feelings!" cried Link.

"Toughen up, shmuck!" said Zelda, slapping Link in the face.

"Even though we argued on the race, we can defy odds and stay together, right?" cried Link.

Zelda left Link.

"Nuue!" cried Link.

…

"Stupid women," said Link angrily. "From this day on, I vow never to be with a woman, ever, ever, _ever_, _**ever**_, _**ever**_, agai-"

"Hi! I'm Midna!" said Midna, walking up to Link.

_Later_

"Huh," said Link, "I appear to have a lovely middle-aged wife and twenty children. What an unexpected turn of events."

"Glomp!1" said Midna, pouncing on him.

…

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Samus: 1:51 PM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 2:00 PM

Snake and Yoshi: 2:51 PM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 5:15 PM

Kirby and Sonic: 5:20 PM

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 6:31 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 6:32 PM

Bowser and Ness: 6:34 PM

**Link and Zelda: 6:35 PM- Eliminated**

Review, say who your favourite team is, who the eventual winner shall be, errors, mistakes, complaints, thoughts and suggestions! Yay?**  
**


	5. How Dare You Say You Were Adopted!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Nine teams travelled to the Comet Observatory!"

"In Honeyhive Galaxy, most teams excelled on a Road Block that required racers to literally become bees!"

_Samus grabbed a Toad that was resting on a nearby tree._

"_Good job, Samus!" cheered Fox._

"But Scouts Young Link and Diddy Kong, on the first flight out, couldn't even find the right planet!"

"_We're beating those suckers," said Young Link, hopping into a ship. "Take us to the Honeyclimb Galaxy!"_

_Some high-pitched string music played._

"Fox and Samus's team work pulled them through a skating Road Block, landing them in first place!"

"_Fox and Samus, you're team number __**one**__!" said Master Hand._

"_Yay!" cheered Fox._

"Link and Zelda added salt to Young Link and Diddy Kong's wounds, yielding them!" said Master Hand.

"_We choose to Yield Young Link and Diddy Kong," said Link, sticking two pictures on the board near the clue box._

"But Link and Zelda still pulled themselves behind, causing a four-way sprint to the mat!"

"_EVERYONE'S HERE!" screamed Ness, pointing to Young Link, Mewtwo, Falco, Link, Zelda and Diddy Kong, all exactly ten metres behind him._

"_Come on, Dad!" he screamed, holding his father's hands up the stairs._

"But Link and Zelda's constant feuding…"

_Link and Zelda, who thought that the fight was still going on, continued to slash, maul and dismember each other._

"…caused them to become eliminated."

"…_you both have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand._

"_We… we had fun…" said Link._

"Can Bowser and Ness, who landed second-last _four_ times in a row save themselves once again from last place? Can Mewtwo and Falco finally get an edge and place in front of Scouts Young Link and Diddy Kong? And can Peach and Knuckle Joe set their differences aside and stay up in the top four?"

"Eight teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?" said Master Hand.

**The Teams:  
**Young Link and Diddy Kong (_Entrepreneurs_)

Bowser and Ness (_Accountancy Students_)

Falco and Mewtwo (_Scouts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Door-to-door Salesmen_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Father and Son_)

Peach and Knuckle Joe (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Fox and Samus (_Lawyers_)

Kirby and Sonic (_Dating Pokemon_)

"Fox and Samus, who were first to arrive at 1:51 PM, will depart at 1:51 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 1:51 AM_

"You must now make your way to Diamond City!" read Samus.

"Teams must now travel over 4,000 kilometres by plane to Diamond City, most famous for its inclusion in the WarioWare Series!" said Master Hand. "Once teams have arrived here, they must drive 34 kilometres to _WarioWare Inc. HQ_, where they must find and take one of eight DSes scattered across the lobby for their next clue!"

"Once here, you must make your way to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue!" read Samus. "You have 52 dollars for this leg of the race."

"I guess we go down to the Toad Brigade place to find flights," said Samus, pressing a button on an elevator.

"Hehehehe," said Fox.

"What?" said Samus, as the doors opened.

"We're supposed to play for our next clue…" said Fox.

"Uh huh," said Samus, stepping into the elevator.

Fox stepped into the elevator. "I think what that means is… you know… we have to… play with each other…"

"That's it!" said Samus, "You've cracked the hundred-year mystery of the departure clue! To receive our next clue we go to a building of businessmen and become lovesick exhibitionists for our next clue! Well done!"

Fox grinned, pressing the ground floor button.

Samus's arms shook.

"So I guess now all of these educational books I bought came in handy," said Fox slyly, taking a book out of his bag. "Oh boy, I can't wait for my first time-"

"YOU IDIOT!" screamed Samus, gutting Fox alive.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
2__nd__ to depart: 2:00 AM_

"Once here, you must drive to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue. You have 52 dollars for this leg of the race," read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Jigglypuff, pressing the elevator button with her free hand.

They stepped in the elevator.

"What are you holding in your arms?" said Pikachu, pointing to a mysterious object wrapped in tea towels.

"Dynamite," said Jigglypuff.

"Right," said Pikachu. "So Snake and Yoshi and Peach and Knuckle Joe decided to split the fares of a taxi the next leg we have to drive. So because we're driving this leg I-"

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. A tribal Goomba holding an alight stick walked into the elevator.

"Because we're driving this leg-"

The elevator stopped the next floor down. A Koopa clown, juggling pins that were on fire walked into the elevator.

"So Jiggles, if we're all on the same flight this leg we'll stick as a team for the first bit and then once we get our clue we'll-"

A man doused in alcohol walked into the elevator.

"Jiggles, you were joking about the dynamite, right?" said Pikachu, suddenly alarmed.

"Of course not!" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing the sticks of dynamite all over the elevator in anger. "I was thinking once we got to the bottom we'd blow the elevator up so no other teams could use the elevator!"

"Oh, I see," said Pikachu,

Jigglypuff beamed proudly.

Pikachu remembered the noticeable presence of fire in the elevator.

Several of the dynamite sticks' fuses lit.

Pikachu's eyes widened.

"Honey, what's wrong?" said Jigglypuff, fidgeting by picking up a lit piece of dynamite and holding it up against the man doused in alcohol.

Pikachu's eyes widened.

"Honey, it's rude not to talk when you're being spoken to!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Toad Brigade HQ_

_Fox and Samus_

"Sign-up sheet," said Fox, pointing to a clipboard resting on a wall.

"Damn, it seems we're all together. There's eight spots on a 11:00 AM flight," said Samus.

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"Samus, have you ever wondered what's down there?" said Fox, showing Samus some diagrams in his book.

"No, but I've wondered what's up here," said Samus, pointing to Fox's cranium.

"Sexy thoughts…" said Fox slyly, "Sexy thoughts, Samus, sexy thoughts."

"Sexy thoughts… seeeexxxxy thoughts Samus, sexy thoughts," said Fox.

"Sexy thoughts-"

"ENOUGH!" screamed Samus, decapitating Fox with his wristwatch.

_Snake and Yoshi  
3__rd__ to depart: 2:51 AM_

"Once here, you must drive to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue. You have 52 dollars for this leg of the race," read Yoshi.

"Let's go!" said Yoshi happily, picking up his egg-shaped bag and pressing the elevator button.

Snake stared at Yoshi as the elevator shaft came up. "Where did you get that egg backpack from?" he muttered.

"Oh, I've had it all the time!" said Yoshi cheerfully.

"Really?" said Snake.

"Yeah, yeah," said Yoshi.

(Damn it, I need to somehow save this scene… a-ha!)

"Do you know why we're so boring?" said Snake.

"Why?" said Yoshi.

"We're affected by the writers' strike!" laughed Snake, "So the quality of the author's writing is almost as if he's not writing at all!"

Some guy nearby played the snare drum, the bass drum and then the cymbal.

"But Snake… the writers' strike is over!" laughed Yoshi.

Snake looked at Yoshi sternly. "Oh yeah? You know what else is over?"

Snake held a gun to Yoshi's head.

"What?!" whimpered Yoshi, closing his eyes in fear.

"Our… our friendship!" cried Snake.

Snake burst into tears.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
2__nd__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"Great," said Pikachu angrily, "Certainly everyone will get on this flight."

"That means less people around and more space to snuggle you with," said Jigglypuff cheekily.

"No it doesn't! If there are more people, we have less room!" said Pikachu angrily.

"There will be less people when I use my dynamite," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigglypuff, you already used the dynamite!" said Pikachu angrily.

"No I didn't!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"What were we in hospital for then?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Because the other kids think you're a bit slow, honey," said Jigglypuff happily.

"What?!" said Pikachu.

"It's okay!" said Jigglypuff, "With some extra homework and reading you'll be getting C and C plusses like the normal kids in no time!"

"What?!" said Pikachu.

"Arthur, why have you come home with a ripped shirt?!" said Jigglypuff anxiously.

"Jigglypuff…" said Pikachu, shaking Jigglypuff.

"Arthur, the policeman at the door wants to speak to you… Arthur! What have you done?!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu, shaking Jigglypuff even harder. "You're being delirious!"

"Don't take my son away!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Somebody! Help!" screamed Pikachu, continuing to shake Jigglypuff.

"My son!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Don't worry!" screamed Pikachu, continuing to shake Jigglypuff, "Your son's fine, Mrs. Palmerston! He's fine! You hear me? Stop being like that, Mrs. Palmerston! You're worrying me!"

"Teehee!" laughed Jigglypuff, "Did you like my little joke?!"

"He just needs to be taken to a _correctional centre,_" said Pikachu, eyes spinning around in opposite directions.

"Pikie, did you like my little role play?" laughed Jigglypuff, doing a little dance. "I got you a bit worried there hun… teehee!"

"Arthur's going to have a lot of fun in _jail_, Mrs. Palmerston… that's right… cry Mrs. Palmerston! Cry! Beg all you can please, Mrs. Palmerston but your son is with me, the welfare officer! You are no longer legally fit to be mother!" cackled Pikachu.

"What?!" said Jigglypuff.

"I lock him into the van as I hear his mother's hopeless cries for help; she calls out his name in desperation but to no avail… she is lost…" said Pikachu, grinning evilly.

"What?!" said Jigglypuff, shaking Pikachu.

"I didn't tell you about the institution, Mrs. Palmerston… _you're_ going there as well!" cackled Pikachu evilly.

"What?!" screamed Jigglypuff, shaking Pikachu harder. "You're being delirious, Pikachu!"

_Rofl Pony_

"Hello, chaps."

_Snake and Yoshi  
3__rd__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"We're all on the same flight, I guess we'll go back and get some sleep!" said Yoshi happily.

"Well I'm not sleeping in this room with _this_ creep," said Snake angrily.

"Snake! What have I done?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You ruined the execution of a perfectly decent joke!" said Snake angrily, pointing a gun to Yoshi's head.

"Ooh, a gun, I'm so scared…" said Yoshi.

"You know what else is scary?" said Snake angrily.

"What?" said Yoshi angrily.

"When I end your life!" screamed Snake.

Yoshi gasped.

"…figuratively as I feel I'm the biggest part of your life and because I'm ending the friendship!" cried Snake.

Snake broke into tears.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
4__th__ to depart: 5:15 AM_

"Once here, you must drive to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue. You have 52 dollars for this leg of the race," read Peach.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Interview before leg_

"I was so proud of how Peach and I did!" said Knuckle Joe happily, patting Peach on the back, "It's our best placing yet!"

"Yeah! And as a special treat for Knuckle Joe, I let him sit on the adults' table!" said Peach proudly.

"I always sit on the adults' table," said Knuckle Joe.

"Oh yeah! That's right! Because you're a midget!" said Peach, chuckling heartily.

Knuckle Joe stared angrily at Peach.

"Nyah! Nyah!" laughed Peach, "You're a midget Knuckle Joe, you're a midget! Nyah! Nyah!"

"My heart is shattered," said Knuckle Joe.

"_Oh my gosh! It really is shattering!_" thought Knuckle Joe to himself, teary-eyed.

_Kirby and Sonic  
5__th__ to depart: 5:20 AM_

"You must now make your way to Diamond City!" read Kirby.

"And of course, I have to wear the appropriate attire," said Sonic happily, taking out a 'Sonic owns Diamond City' t-shirt from Kirby's bag.

"Where did you get that from?" said Kirby angrily. "Is it really necessary? We're just going to get shot for that. Or you are."

Sonic put on his t-shirt and beamed proudly.

"You know what? I'm not carrying any clothing for you anymore, okay?" said Kirby angrily. "I'm getting rid of all of your clothes and making you carry it!"

Kirby tossed out a T-shirt. "Like your 'Sonic owns the Comet Observatory' t-shirt," said Kirby angrily, throwing it at Sonic.

"Fine," said Sonic angrily.

"And your 'Sonic owns the Mushroom Kingdom' shirt," said Kirby angrily.

"Fine!" said Sonic angrily.

"How can you know where we're going to next anyway?" said Kirby, confused.

"Well, I'm just psychic," said Sonic proudly.

Kirby pulled out another T-shirt. "So we're going to Venezeula next?"

"Uh… yeah…" said Sonic.

Kirby emptied out his bag, causing many 'Sonic owns' t-shirts to fall on the ground.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL MY STUFF?!" said Kirby angrily.

"Well, obviously, I needed to cater for absolutely every single destination possible, so I made a T-shirt for every possible destination!" said Sonic angrily.

"Sonic owns Hogwarts?!" said Kirby, bewildered.

"Well we _could_ go there, you never know," said Sonic.

"That's fictional!" said Kirby angrily. "You just emptied out my entire bag for t-shirts?!"

"Yep," said Sonic, smiling.

"That means I have no more shampoo, no more towels, no more bathers!" said Kirby angrily.

"What a shame," said Sonic.

"And no more medicine for your cotton allergy," said Kirby angrily.

"My cotton allergy?!" screamed Sonic.

Large spots started to appear on Sonic's body.

"Curses!" cried Sonic, "Why does my cotton allergy appear at the most inconvenient times?!"

"You don't even have an allergy to cotton!" said Kirby angrily.

"I need to for comedic timing!" whimpered Sonic.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
4__th__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"If we're the fourth on the list, how come we're the only ones here?" said Peach.

"Because our fellow racers really like standing out in the cold for three and a-half hours," said Knuckle Joe.

"Oh," said Peach.

"So if they like to stand out in the cold, how come I can't see anybody?!" said Peach, worriedly scanning the area.

"…" said Knuckle Joe.

_Kirby and Sonic  
5__th__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"Oh my gosh, Peach is so stupid," said Kirby, putting his name up on the sign-up sheet.

"Waddaya mean? She has a good point!" said Sonic, searching around thoroughly, "If they're standing around here, why can't I see 'em?"

"…" said Kirby.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
6__th__ to depart: 6:31 AM_

"You must now make your way to Diamond City!" read Diddy Kong.

"Let's hurry! One minute may mean in or out of a flight!" said Young Link.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

"It used to be a good thing to come in fifth or sixth," said Young Link on the departure mat, "But now that we're in the bottom three it's crunch time."

"Crunch time? Like eating coconuts time?" said Diddy Kong.

"No," said Young Link proudly, "No coconuts now, Diddy Kong, no coconuts now."

"Okay," whimpered Diddy Kong.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
7__th__ to depart: 6:32 AM_

"Once here, you must drive to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue," read Mewtwo.

"Let's go," said Falco, holding the elevator that contained Young Link and Diddy Kong open.

"I just realised we have to go back to basics," said Mewtwo, "To get in front of those stupid scouts we have to play a cheap race, we have to be manipulative and we have to use my telekinetic powers to get ahead! Then we will finally beat them at the pit stop and laugh in their faces!"

Young Link and Diddy Kong stood in the elevator, staring at Mewtwo.

Mewtwo smiled at Young Link. "How about we form an alliance?"

"_I heard you,_" said Young Link.

"You heard what?" asked Mewtwo.

"_About the manipulative thing…_" said Young Link angrily.

"Don't be silly, foolish child," said Mewtwo.

"You know we can _all_ hear your commentaries to the camera, right?" said Falco.

"Really?" said Mewtwo.

"Of course not!" laughed Falco, choking.

"That's right," said Mewtwo, satisfied. "Obey me."

"You know what else we should obey?" said Diddy Kong.

"What?" said Young Link.

"The law," said Diddy Kong.

"Really? I didn't know that!" said Young Link angrily.

"_I taught someone something!_" thought Diddy Kong to himself, his heart filled with joy.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 6:34 AM_

"Once here, you must drive to the headquarters of WarioWare and play in the lobby for your next clue," read Ness.

"Let's go dad!" said Ness happily.

"Diamond City!" said Bowser, reminiscing, "Ah, your mother and I went there just after our wedding! Hah, hah, hah, what a wonderful time we had there!"

Bowser raised his eyebrows suggestively. "We stayed in the Honeymoon Sweet!"

Ness's eyes widened in shock, "My- my mother?! But you… you've never talked about my mother!"

Ness sniffed.

"That's because I've been knowingly been your father for about four days!" said Bowser angrily.

"Oh," said Ness. "Then who is my mother?!"

_One long explanation later…_

"…and then the baby cries, the nurse gives it to her mother and then they live happily ever after," said Bowser sweetly.

Said Ness, "But I wanted to know who my mother was-"

"What am I?" growled Bowser angrily, "A sex-ed machine?!"

"But surely you could at least tell me who my-"

"Your mother would be very ashamed of you!" said Bowser angrily.

"BUT WHO'S MY MOTHER?!" screamed Ness.

"Princess Peach," said Bowser softly.

"Oh," said Ness, "Okay."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Ness.

"Nah, just kidding," said Bowser. "It was just another gigantic spiked Koopa like me son."

"Ah," said Ness.

"But then if you were both Koopas then how could I-"

"HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU WERE ADOPTED," said Bowser angrily, crying.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
6__th__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"We're all together again, all together again," said Young Link smugly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
7__th__ on 11:00 AM Flight_

"While all of the others are sleeping, we're going to do some extra research on who's been to Diamond City," said Mewtwo.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last on 11:00 AM Flight_

"So if I'm really a baby Koopa, then how come I don't have a shell?" asked Ness.

"Oh, that's because your body isn't ready for it!" said Bowser, smiling. "You need a _training shell_!"

"Wow, really?" said Ness excitedly.

"Yeah!" said Bowser happily.

"Awesome!" said Ness.

Bowser glued a four-hundred kilogram granite slab onto Ness's back.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser, walking off.

Ness got crushed by the weight.

"Son!" screamed Bowser, "Who could've done this to you?!"

"Oh yeah, me!" laughed Bowser.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser, walking off.

_Comet Observatory Fountain Motel_

_Room No. 4_

Falco knocked on Fox and Samus's door.

"Hello?" said Fox, shirtless, towel on.

"Fox," said Falco in a deep voice, "I just wanted to tell you that seeing you in the ship all this time, I've developed an attraction to you… an attraction that…"

Mewtwo glared at Falco angrily.

"A-hem," said Falco, clearing his throat. "Hey guys, we know we've been such great allies with you guys so far, so can you just let us know if any of you have been to Diamond City before? You know… driven around a bit?"

"Oh yeah, of course!" laughed Fox. "I know it like the back of my hand!"

"No, who am I kidding?" sobbed Fox.

"Why?! Why?!" cried Fox. "I've never even been to the place before? Why did I say that? I'm such a liar! A liar!"

Mewtwo and Falco walked off.

"Why did I say that?" cried Fox, "Why, why, why?! Why?!"

Samus walked into Fox's room. "Who were you talking to?"

"Mewtwo and Falco," said Fox.

"No you weren't," said Samus, "You've been talking to yourself again, right?"

"But I was actually-"

"Fox, we all know you're lying," said Samus, "Give it a break, okay?"

"But I was-"

"Just give it a rest!" said Samus angrily.

"Fine!" said Fox angrily. "I hate you Samus, hate! I'm never talking to you again, okay?!"

Fox stomped into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Do I pull up one seat or two to do number twos?!" cried Fox.

Samus didn't respond.

"Samus! Look what I made!" said Fox happily.

Samus sighed, and walked out of the room.

Samus knocked on the door of the next room.

"Yep?" said Snake, glancing across the hall suspiciously.

"I've spotted a communist," said Samus, "Currently occupying my shower."

"Okay," said Snake, running into Samus's room.

Snake ran out, and the room behind him exploded, debris flying everywhere.

"The communist shall speak no more," said Snake in a low, deep, croaky voice.

"Actually," moaned a voice from Samus's room, "I'm still here! Good ol' Fox is still here!"

"Not when your throat is slit…" said Snake.

"Now why would my throat be slit?" cried Fox.

Snake walked into Fox's room, holding a knife.

"Why would that happen, why?!" questioned Fox.

"All teams are now on the same 11:00 AM flight to Diamond City, which lands at 2:00 PM local time!" said Master Hand.

_Diamond City Airport_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 2:05 PM_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"First out!" said Bowser, running into the airport carpark.

"Cars! There are the cars!" said Ness, pointing to a rank of marked cars.

"Get the green one!" said Bowser.

"Dad, don't rush so much!" said Ness, running up to the car, "We have to stick with our new alliance buddies, remember?"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey guys!" said Falco, hopping into a blue car.

"Fine, never let Mewtwo pick the colour of the car," grumbled Mewtwo.

"Hey!" said Bowser cheerfully, several metres away. "I know this place really well! Follow us!"

"Awesome," said Mewtwo.

"We made a supposed 'alliance' with Bowser and Ness over the plane trip, so yeah…" said Falco, "He knows the area well, so I guess this is good for us!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"And off we go!" said Bowser, pushing down on the accelerator pedal.

"So cool! You know this place well, I guess?" said Ness.

"Yeah, sure!" said Bowser. "I come here on business all the time!"

"What kinda business?" said Ness.

"Hitman business!" said Bowser.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Bowser.

Ness laughed uncertainly.

Bowser drove past a newspaper stand.

"Haha, Mona assassinated!" laughed Bowser, pointing to a large newspaper headline atop the building, "Teehee, see? That's a sample of my work!"

Ness didn't laugh, and shuffled uncertainly.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Bowser. "Just kidding!"

Ness shuffled uncertainly.

"I was kidding about my obviously fake hitman job," laughed Bowser.

"…where I kill figures in the public eye for monetary gain and share none of the profit with you…" said Bowser.

"…ripping their heads off with my own bare hands…" said Bowser.

Ness shuffled uncertainly.

"Dad… I need to make a… …toilet break… can you pull over?" said Ness nervously.

"Sure!" said Bowser happily, pulling up next to a brick block of toilets.

"See you in a few minutes!" laughed Ness uncertainly, hopping out of the car.

Ness ran past the block of toilets.

"Now why would he do that?" said Bowser, puzzled.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I get a bit nervous when Diddy's driving," said Young Link nervously, clenching his teeth, rocketing along the wrong side of the road.

"Why would you say that?!" said an offended Diddy Kong, turning to face Young Link.

"LOOK AT THE ROAD!" screamed Young Link, a truck heading straight towards them.

"Maybe if you'd answer my question properly I'd look," said Diddy Kong angrily.

"Just freaking steer away from that truck!" screamed Young Link hysterically, the truck madly honking its horn.

"Well maybe if you'd answer my question properly I would!" said Diddy Kong angrily, taking his hands off the steering wheel and folding his arms, cross.

"Because you're on the wrong side of the road!" screamed Young Link.

"Ohhh," chuckled Diddy Kong, turning the steering wheel casually to the right, narrowly missing the truck, "That's why!"

Diddy Kong looked back at a petrified Young Link, his face frozen in shock. "What happened ol' buddy?" laughed Diddy Kong cheerfully, "Cat got yer tongue?"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"On the plane, we marked out a route that we thought would help us go quicker on the map…" said Sonic, driving along an uneven dirt road, listening to his mix tape of Sonic-themed music. "We're going the right way Kirby, right?!"

"Yeah… yeah… sure we are!" said Kirby, flicking through his cake magazine.

"Which way do we turn now?" said Sonic, easing on the accelerate pedal.

"Uh… left?!" said Kirby, stroking a picture of a lemon meringue pie.

"You sure?" said Sonic, "It seems like we could only go straight or right…"

"I am a man of my word, okay?!" said Kirby angrily.

"You're the boss," said Sonic angrily, steering left into the orphanage.

Sonic pressed the accelerator pedal.

"Did you…" said Kirby, looking up from his magazine, "Did you feel something under the back tyres?"

"Oh, probably just an orphan," laughed Sonic.

"Haha," laughed Kirby.

Kirby looked up to see the sign for the orphanage on his right.

"STOP THE CAR," screamed Kirby.

Kirby and Sonic hopped out of the car, a bleeding crying boy behind amongst their tyre marks.

"Sonic! You just ran over an orphan!" screamed Kirby.

"Well, you were the one that was navigating!" said Sonic angrily.

Sonic looked at the body. "Besides, I haven't eaten in days! This looks like a fine specimen indeed!"

Kirby looked at the maggots over the boy's body in disgust.

"Well, if you don't want a piece, don't eat any!" said Sonic angrily, reaching over to grab some of the boy's arm.

"Dude, he's still alive," said Kirby, eyes widened.

"He doesn't feel a thing," said Sonic, chewing on the boy's arm, causing him to cry.

"Sonic! Get in the car!" screamed Kirby.

"Nah!" said Sonic, some anxious woman behind him calling on the telephone.

"Get in the car!" screamed Kirby.

"Why should I?" said Sonic angrily.

A police car pulled up in front of them.

"Hey! The police are here!" said Sonic cheerfully.

A police officer walked up to Sonic (who was still chewing) and glared at him angrily.

"Are you here to give me my key to the city?" said Sonic, grinning.

The police officer glared at Sonic angrily.

_A few minutes later…_

"Now why could this be?!" cried Sonic, sitting on the bottom of a bunk bed in a rough, granite cell.

"Because you ran over a kid and put yourself in jail!" screamed Kirby angrily.

"Whatever, I'm making new friends already!" said Sonic, pointing to his bulky, shirtless, sunglasses-wearing tattooed biker cell mate.

The man stared at Sonic angrily.

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, poking the man in the stomach playfully.

The man stared at Sonic angrily.

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, poking the man in the stomach playfully.

The man stared at Sonic angrily.

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, poking the man in the stomach playfully.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Knuckle Joe and I have a kind of schoolyard flirting kind of relationship!" said Peach happily to the camera, "I think he's romantically interested in me!"

"I can hear you," said Knuckle Joe angrily, driving along.

"Watch! Here's an example of our flirty behaviour!" laughed Peach.

"Hey Knuckle Joe! You're short and a hopeless failure at life!" giggled Peach.

"Hey Peach, you're tall, ugly and stupid and I hope never to see you again after the race!" said Knuckle Joe, "You're the most prejudiced and pathetic person I've ever known and you are a horrible excuse for a human being! I don't even know why other people would want to share the same air with you when you're a complete waste of life!"

Knuckle Joe ended his speech, breathing heavily in frustration.

"Aww! Isn't he so sweet?" said Peach happily. "…I think he's going to propose soon!"

Peach giggled.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Do you mind?!" screamed Pikachu, taking a furious left turn into a side street.

"What is it, hun?!" said Jigglypuff happily, blowing bubbles into Pikachu's face in the adjacent seat.

"Stop blowing bubbles in my face! It's annoying!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fiiine…" sulked Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff pouted for several seconds before beaming proudly and taking out a large layer of bubble wrap.

Pikachu continued to drive through the condensed traffic, unaware.

Jigglypuff popped a bubble, smiling.

Pikachu stared forward, angrily.

Jigglypuff popped a bubble, smiling.

Pikachu stared forward, angrily.

Jigglypuff popped a bubble, smiling.

"Do you mind?!" screamed Pikachu.

"Fiiine," sulked Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff pouted for several seconds before beaming proudly and taking out an air horn.

Pikachu continued to drive.

Jigglypuff leaned in closer to Pikachu's ear.

And closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Jigglypuff pressed a button on the air horn, emitting a huge high-pitched noise throughout the car.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, swerving off onto the side and driving into a ditch.

The car stalled.

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily, breathing heavily.

"Oh, look what you've done! You've made a fool of everyone!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"It's not _my _fault! You're just a bad driver!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

Snake drove down the highway, glaring at the road, unwaveringly.

"Snake, this is a 60 kilometre zone…" said Yoshi. "You're going 50 kilometres over the speed limit…"

Snake continued to drive down the highway.

"Snake?! I really think you should slow down…" said Yoshi, alarmed.

Snake continued to drive.

"Snake, you're going too fast! Slow down!" screamed Yoshi.

"Snake…" said Yoshi, waving his hand in front of Snake's face.

The car neared a busy intersection with many parked cars.

"Snake, this isn't funny… …are you awake?!" said Yoshi, alarmed.

The car neared closer and closer.

"SNAKE!" screamed Yoshi.

"Haha, just kidding feller," laughed Snake happily.

"SNAKE YOU'RE STILL DRIVING AT AN ALARMINGLY FAST SPEED TOWARDS STATIONARY CARS AT AN INTERSECTION," screamed Yoshi.

"Nonsense!" laughed Snake.

They crashed into a stationary car.

"Okay, you win this time," said Snake angrily, smoke, flames and debris flying everywhere. "Huh, Yoshi? Huh? You win! Isn't that great?"

Yoshi was too busy being stuck in an airbag to accept Snake's accolade.

"Accept it, you stupid dinosaur!" said Snake angrily. "It might be the only reward in your limited lifespan!"

Blood seeped out of the area around Yoshi's airbag.

"That's right… seep you blood… seep…" said Snake. "Seep out of Yoshi's body and escape to your freedom… a cushioned car seat… your destiny is here… your destiny is here… freedom awaits you… your kingdom of freedom, destiny and happiness is here…"

"I think I should use that lyric…" said Snake, scribbling down onto his song writing book.

"Hey! What's blood doing on here?" said Snake angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Shall I play you a song?!" said Fox happily, holding out a flute.

"No," said Samus.

"Oh," said Fox.

_Warioware Inc. HQ_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We made it!" said Ness happily, Bowser driving through a boom gate into the carpark.

"Come on, let's search for our clue!" said Bowser, hopping out of the car.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're here!" said Falco, stepping out of his car.

"I can't believe we actually tailed those idiots," laughed Mewtwo, "We got here in the first two teams in exchange for a shoddy alliance."

Ness stood in front of Mewtwo, shocked.

"Oh great, he heard," whispered Falco to Mewtwo, "Quick! Use your psychic powers to wipe Ness's memory!"

"Okay…" said Mewtwo, closing his eyes, putting his hands on his head. "_Dun dab a dee, dun dab a day, make this boy's memory, go away!_"

Mewtwo violently lashed his hands in Ness's vicinity.

"That's strange! How did I get here?!" said Ness, confused, "I thought I was in the car three seconds ago!"

"I guess it worked," said Falco.

"Yes," laughed Mewtwo evilly.

"What was with the rhyme? It was pretty… queer," said Falco.

"Homophobic comments from you?! I thought you were gay like, several hours ago!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Nah… there's no more jokes to make fun of my sexual orientation… so I've reverted to my usual self of being a heterosexual married family-man with two children," said Falco.

"Kids?!" screamed Mewtwo, "I don't want to picture the thought of your children-"

"Nah, relax!" laughed Falco, "Me and Peppy Hare went to the adoption agency… so our babies are human."

"Phew," said Mewtwo.

Said Mewtwo, "Wait, I thought you said you weren't gay-"

"Shut up, you!" said Falco angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We must 'play' for our next clue… play… play…" thought Bowser to himself, inspecting the company lobby. "Does that mean we have to play on one of these DSes for our next clue?!" said Bowser, pointing to a DS hidden amongst some brochures.

"Maybe we do!1" said Ness dramatically, taking the DS and turning it on.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey, I think we need a DS! There's one!" said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Open the door for your next clue?" said Ness, seeing a small, Edwardian terrace on the DS screen.

"To retrieve their next clue, teams must figure out this Warioware puzzle on their DS!" said Master Hand. "To 'open the door' they must use this stylus pen to tap on the door of this house on screen which will reveal their next clue! This is of course, very hard."

Ness took out the stylus pen and tapped on the screen.

"It changed!" said Bowser, excitedly. "There seems to be two large icons on the screen, a green one and a yellow one!"

Ness tapped on the screen with the stylus pen. "Fast Forward!"

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand. "In a Fast Forward, teams can skip all tasks and head for the pit stop if they finish a particular task! This is only one of four Fast Forwards on a leg, so teams must choose when it is most applicable to use it!"  
"In this Fast Forward, teams must travel one kilometre to this local barber and participate in a good fortune ritual! In this ritual, they must shave each other's head bald to claim this Fast Forward!"

"Yeah, let's take it!" said Ness excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour!" read Falco off the screen, "The Big Cheese or Finger Food?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: The Big Cheese or Finger Food!"  
"In 'The Big Cheese', teams must literally transport this car-sized block of cheese to a nearby apartment to receive their next clue! This task may be physically strenuous, but hey, at least the task is rather cheesy! Haw, haw, haw!"  
"In 'Finger Food', teams must go up to the top floor of the building and find this revolving bistro! Here, they must consume fifty fish fingers each to receive their next clue! Teams must beware, as this task seems a bit… fishy! Haw, haw, haw!"

"What a stupid set of option names," said Mewtwo.

"Let's move the cheese!" declared Falco eagerly.

_Diamond City Jail_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Psst… Sonic!" whispered Kirby.

Sonic lay moaning on the floor, his body wracked in throes of exquisitely painful agony that tore and ripped at his very soul, his half-torn-off skin scraping along the ground, fracturing his already-damaged psyche.

"You probably shouldn't have done that," said Kirby.

Sonic lay moaning on the floor, his body wracked in throes of exquisitely painful agony that tore and ripped at his very soul, his half-torn-off skin scraping along the ground, fracturing his already-damaged psyche.

"Yeah, well…" said Kirby. "Did you notice they didn't lock the cell door?"

Sonic bled.

"I'm thinking," said Kirby, "that we might be able to slip out."

Sonic bled.

"You know what?" said Kirby, "let's go."

"Wait a minute," groaned Sonic, "I just need to put these back in." He began groping for his scattered bodily organs.

"Hey, where's my kidneys?" said Sonic.

The biker cellmate and Kirby hastily swallowed.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"I sense that we're very close…" said Young Link.

The camera panned out the back of the taxi, showing the Warioware Inc. HQ getting further and further away. Loud string music played.

"Cameraman, why are you so intent on looking out the back of the taxi?" queried a confused Young Link.

"Uh…" muttered the cameraman.

"It's almost as if we missed something," laughed Young Link.

"Uh…" muttered the cameraman.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Snake… maybe we should get a… replacement car?" suggested Yoshi, the wheelless piece of scrap metal that used to constitute a car screeching slowly down the road. "You know… because we're not moving?"

"You know what else isn't moving?" said Snake angrily.

"What?" said Yoshi.

"Our… our friendship!" cried Snake.

Snake broke into tears.

"Snake, you need more original material…" said Yoshi angrily, "This stuff is kinda… getting old."

"Fine," said Snake angrily. "You know what else isn't moving?"

"What?" said Yoshi.

"Your… your legs!" cried Snake, pointing a gun to Yoshi's legs.

Snake broke into tears.

"Yeah, that was fine…" said Yoshi, "But to make the joke funnier, you don't need to cry as the reason there is a positive response in the brain when a joke is told as neu…rons…"

There was a gun pointed at Yoshi's legs.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Yoshi.

_Warioware Inc. HQ Lobby_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Look! A DS!" said Peach excitedly, picking a white DS out of a pot plant.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Look! Peach has a DS! I think our clue is on there!" said Jigglypuff.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Open the door…" said Peach to herself, standing up and holding the DS out of Knuckle Joe's sight.

"Can I see?" said Knuckle Joe, "You're holding it up too high!"

"No shortie!" said Peach angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Turn it on! Turn it on!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Calm down!" said Pikachu angrily, turning on the DS. "Open the door?"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Hmm… maybe I have to blow in the microphone to get the clue!" said Peach excitedly.

Peach started to blow into the in-built DS mic.

"Peach… I really think you just have to tap the screen…" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Got it!" said Pikachu, using the stylus pen to tap the screen. "Look! Fast Forward or Detour?"

"I think someone's probably already tried for it, try the Detour!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay… we either have to eat a lot of fish fingers or move a giant block of cheese!" said Pikachu.

"Ooh, let's move some cheese!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

She then grinned smugly, holding out a toy whip, "After all… I am very influential with the locals…"

A wavy transition effect filled the screen to indicate a dream sequence.

"_Mwahahaha, mwahahaha, mwahahaha!" cackled Jigglypuff evilly, whipping Pikachu and several businessmen to transport along a mammoth-sized block of cheese along the street. "You are all under my command! Work, slave people!"_

_Pikachu glared at Jigglypuff, whimpering. "I'm so sorry, Jigglypuff! I never should have taken that top bunk that had an extra pillow which if you took, you never would have had back pain the next morning!"_

"_You are not forgiven!" cackled Jigglypuff, whipping Pikachu. "…now work, slave boy! Mwahahahaha!"_

The wavy transition filled the screen again, cutting back to Jigglypuff.

"Yes… yes… let's move the cheese," said Jigglypuff, grinning evilly.

"I get uncomfortable when you have that look…" said Pikachu, shifting backwards uncertainly.

"Good… good…" said Jigglypuff evilly.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Peach! Tap the screen with the pen!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"I'm blowing the screen, but nothing's happening!" cried Peach, continuing to blow the screen repeatedly.

"Come on, Peach!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Tap the screen!"

"I'm blowing the screen, but nothing's happening!" cried Peach, blowing the screen.

"Peach! Listen to them! Even our allies are telling you to tap the screen!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, pointing to Jigglypuff and Pikachu who were making exaggerated pen-tapping movements.

"TAP THE SCREEN!" shouted Pikachu.

"See?" said Knuckle Joe angrily. "Even they're telling you to tap the screen!"

"No, no, I clearly hear then saying 'Blow the screen Peach you're such a beautiful princess!'" said Peach happily.

Knuckle Joe's face turned red. "You stupid woman!" he yelled.

_Fifth Street_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On The Big Cheese_

"Who would've thought of this?" said Mewtwo smugly, driving the car along with the piece of cheese attached to the roof. "I'm such a genius!"

"I dunno…" said Falco.

"Why would you doubt my revolutionary attachment techniques? They're clearly world class and we're going to finish the task quicker than everybody else…"

The block of cheese came out of its ropes and slipped onto the bonnet, covering the entire front windshield of the car.

"You idiot!" said Falco angrily.

"What?" said Mewtwo angrily, "Relax! We'll be fine! All we have to do is use my psychic techniques to avoid obstacles and…"

The car came to an abrupt halt.

"Did we just crash into something?" said Mewtwo.

"I dunno! Use your psychic techniques to freaking find out or something!" said Falco angrily.

Mewtwo rolled down the window of the car and peered out, noticing a large wall right in front of them.

"Yeah… we crashed into a wall…" said Mewtwo.

"Congratulations! You're psychic!" said Falco angrily.

Mewtwo started to choke Falco with his telekinesis.

"I swear…" muttered Falco, choking, "…when I learn how to do telekinesis from this 9.99 EBook I bought online… I am going to choke you back someday… some (cough)… some (cough)… day (cough)!"

Falco died.

"He'll be fine," said Mewtwo happily.

But he wasn't.

_Penny's Salon_

_Bowser and Ness  
At Fast Forward_

Bowser and Ness walked into the salon.

An orange-haired girl wearing a fluffy pink jacket walked into the room. "Hi! I'm Penny! To claim your Fast Forward today… all you guys have to do is shave each other's head bald!"

"Gasp! A head-shaving Fast Forward?!" screamed Bowser, freaked out.

"How could you not tell it was a head shaving ritual?" said Ness.

"Well… this should be pretty easy…" said Bowser, picking up an electric razor, "All you have to shave is this little bit of orange hair I have right here…"

Bowser pointed to his turtle hair. "And all I have to do is cleanly shave the hair off your head!"

"O-kay!" said Ness happily, shaving off Bowser's little twig of orange hair in several seconds.

"And now to shave off yours!" said Bowser happily.

"Actually, this will be really quick… because I wear a wig!" cheered Ness, taking off his hat and his black wig.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" screamed Bowser, attacking Ness's head with the razor, blood flying everywhere.

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Ness, his skin being mashed by the razor, blood drooping down his back.

_Bowser and Ness  
Claimed Fast Forward  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh…" said Bowser, realizing Ness was indeed bald, withdrawing the razor.

Penny uncomfortably handed Bowser the clue.

"You okay, son?" said Bowser.

The fact that Ness was emotionally harmed was visually apparent.

"Whatever," said Bowser, opening the clue. "You must now drive eight kilometres to the pit stop… _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!"

"Bowser and Ness, having completed the Fast Forward may now skip all tasks and head to the pit stop at _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!" said Master Hand.

"Let's go, son!" said Bowser, dragging along a visibly distraught Ness to the car.

_Warioware Inc. HQ_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Samus took a DS, Kirby and Sonic running behind her. "Detour! The Big Cheese or Finger Food?"

"Well…" said Fox slyly, "Does cheese turn you on?"

Fox made a seductive hip movement and grinned at Samus.

"No," said Samus, slightly outraged.

"Well…" said Fox slyly, "Do fish fingers turn you on?"

Fox made a seductive hip movement and grinned at Samus.

"No!" said Samus angrily.

"Well what's the point of doing a detour if there's no way I'm going to be able to get into your pants?!" said Fox angrily.

Samus slapped Fox in the cheek, very hard.

"Oooooooh," said a lot of interested people in the lobby in unison.

"F- fine then…" whimpered Fox, "I'll just be ol'… ol' single Fox… and then I'm just going to have to show the tapes to some of my friends and-"

"What tapes?" laughed Samus hysterically, "What are you talking about, Fox?"

Samus punched Fox in the gut. "_We made an agreement not to talk about it on camera, remember?_" said Samus through her teeth angrily.

"Oh yeah! Right!" laughed Fox uncertainly.

"Good," said Samus.

"Sorry everyone!" announced Fox to the entire lobby, "These tapes I was referring to in which after a drunken night of Chinese food, Samus pole dances for the camera are completely fake!"

"Fox!" said Samus angrily, loading her gun.

Declared Fox, "The second segment of the tape is completely false too, in which at the hotel room afterwards, Samus and I-"

"SHUT UP," screamed Samus, shooting Fox.

Fox died.

Everyone in the lobby stared at Samus, jaw-dropped.

"Foxes… sure don't know when to… shut up?" said Samus, trying to sound witty.

The lobby laughed nervously.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"We wasted so much time in that jail…" said Kirby as Sonic drove slowly through the traffic jam. "It's pretty safe to say that we're in last at the moment…"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Why can't we find this freaking building?" said Young Link angrily, looking down at a map as they drove past the Warioware headquarters.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Snake has just been the most obstinate person today!" said Yoshi angrily, "We've just been circling around this same block and yet he refuses to turn into the car park, having passed it so many times!"

"Yoshi, I can't turn in because I'm being followed by enemy snipers!" said Snake, frustrated, "Sometimes I can even sense the red aiming dots of their guns being targeted at my skin…"

"Snake, that's not a red dot…" said Yoshi angrily, "That's a piece of strawberry from that kid's yoghurt you were eating on the plane!"

Yoshi picked off the strawberry chunk.

"See?" said Yoshi happily, "No red dot anymore!"

"Phew," said Snake.

A red dot appeared and flickered around Snake's cheek.

"Uh… Snake…" said Yoshi, alarmed, pointing to a helicopter flying alongside them.

_Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_

_Bowser and Ness_

Bowser and Ness ran through the front gates of the academy, running past several exhibitions of martial arts of the fields adjacent to the white, marble path. Ness spotted the mat and holding his father's hand, sprinted onto it.

"Bowser and Ness…" said Master Hand, "…you're team number one!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Arrived 1__st_

"Yes!" cheered Bowser and Ness in unison.

"And I have some good news for you… you have both won this shoddy-looking video camera, which you can enjoy after the race!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" read Bowser and Ness off the cue cards of the production assistant.

"This is really awesome, guys!" said Master Hand, "Second last place in the first four legs and then first? You guys must feel great!"

"Yeah, it feels great!" cheered Ness.

_Bowser and Ness  
Interview after leg_

"To be the underdogs and come from last place… to first place… gives me the belief that Dad and I can really go through and win this competition!" said Ness happily. "People look at us and see two misfits but we have the combination of brains and brawn that can get us the million dollar prize!"

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 0 fish fingers consumed  
Knuckle Joe: 12 fish fingers consumed_

"Knuckle Joe come on you can do it!" screamed Peach hysterically, "Eat them! Go! Don't let your shortness impair your already dulled ability to process food quickly!"

"Peach!" shouted Knuckle Joe angrily, "Why don't _you _eat some fish fingers, huh?"

"I believe Knuckle Joe can be the first mentally handicapped person to win the Amazing Race!" said Peach to the camera.

"Are you calling me retarded?!" said Knuckle Joe angrily. "And what relevance does this have to anything?"

"Now we don't use the word retarded!" said Peach angrily. "It may be offensive to short, retarded midgets! Instead, we use the word, _spastic_!"

Knuckle Joe stared at Peach angrily.

"_I am such a compassionate person!_" thought Peach to herself.

_Fox: 0 fish fingers consumed  
Samus: 8 fish fingers consumed_

"I don't like this!" cried Fox to himself, rubbing the fish finger against the palm of his hand.

"Fox, shut up and eat it!" said Samus angrily.

"But I'm a vegetarian!" cried Fox.

"What about the whole you and Marth eating roadkill story I always hear back at the mansion?" said Samus angrily.

"Okay," sulked Fox, "Fine! I just dislike processed food?"

"Why?" said Samus, forcing several more down her throat.

"Because they're genetically modified!" said Fox angrily.

"There is **nothing** wrong with genetically modified food, okay?" said Samus, her lizard tail breaking through the back of her Zero Suit. "It's simply a scare campaign made up by the new age political parties to get seats in parliament, okay?"

"Uh… Samus…" said Fox nervously, pointing to Samus's tail, "…please tell me that isn't real…"

Samus slapped Fox. "How dare you! I have never had implants in my life, you swine!"

Samus stormed off.

_Fifth Street_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Delivery of cheese!" said Mewtwo, knocking on an apartment door.

"Hi!" said a man, opening the door, "Oh, here's your clue!"

Falco took the clue from the man's hand.

"You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" read Falco.

"Team's must now drive nine kilometres to this gaming museum converted from a house, '9-Volt's House'!" said Master Hand. "Once here, teams must find their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On The Big Cheese_

Pikachu and Jigglypuff covered the entire sidewalk with their block of cheese, causing pedestrians to walk onto the road.

"I can't move this freaking thing!" screamed Pikachu, pushing the block of cheese with all his might. "Why can't I make it budge?"

"I know!" screamed Jigglypuff, pushing the cheese with all her might in the opposite direction.

"Jiggles… you're pulling the cheese… right?" said Pikachu.

"Uh… yeah?" said Jigglypuff, letting go of the block of cheese.

Pikachu pushed the block of cheese, its dairy bottom scooting along the road quickly.

"Oh look! It seems that the block of cheese is suddenly moving!" said Jigglypuff proudly.

"That may be because you were pushing it in the opposite direction of where we're supposed to go!" screamed Pikachu, pushing the block of cheese along angrily.

"Oh yeah? Well how do you know we're going the right way anyway, smarty?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pikachu pointed to a sign on the side of the street that read, 'Amazing Race Cheese People: Push This Way'.

"Oh yeah? Well you're not so smart anyway!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pikachu got a letter of acceptance from Stanford.

"Aww!" cried Jigglypuff, "But **I** wanted to go to an elite private university!"

_Warioware Inc. HQ_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

"Oh my gosh!" said Young Link, pointing at something through the back windshield, "I think we just missed the turnoff for the headquarters! We've been circling this block for ages and we've missed it the entire time!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We finally got rid of that sniper helicopter so we're now circling the block once more to get to the building," said Snake, driving along, "And… whoa… is that Young Link and Diddy Kong?"

"Sure," said Yoshi angrily, "Be surprised at Young Link and Diddy Kong's appearance but don't be surprised at the fact that we were just **shot at **by several helicopters?"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door salesmen_

"Unbeknownst to Snake and Yoshi, we've been tailing them for the last fifteen minutes… so they'll lead us to the headquarters!" cackled Sonic evilly, easing on the accelerator pedal.

"You idiot, Sonic!" said Kirby angrily, "I've been trying to tell you for the last fifteen minutes that we keep on passing the same building!"

"Well… well… well… NO U!" said Sonic angrily.

"That's right… don't speak Kirby," said Sonic smugly, "Be amazed by my witty repartee, won't you?"

"It's just so mindblowing… because you know… I'm so awesome…" said Sonic boastfully.

"And cool too," said Sonic, "I'm too cool for school."

Said Sonic, "I'm so awesome that when whales die-"

"ENOUGH!" screamed Kirby.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 0 fish fingers consumed  
Knuckle Joe: 26 fish fingers consumed_

"Peach! Hurry up!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"I just find it too hard!" moaned Peach.

"Just shove some into your mouth, okay?" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Fox: 0 fish fingers consumed  
Samus: Finished_

"Fox, if you don't start eating these fish fingers I'm going to have to start force-feeding you them!" said Samus angrily.

"Oh, I love being forced," said Fox slyly.

"FORCED THIS MUCH?!" screamed Samus, shoving Fox's entire plate of fifty fish fingers down his throat.

"Maybe not as erotic as I imagined!" cried Fox, choking.

Fox swallowed.

_Fox: Finished  
Samus: Finished_

"My tummy hurts…" moaned Fox.

"Yeah… that's because you swallowed a plate…" said Samus.

"Is my stomach ever going to get better?" said Fox, a plate-like shape visible in the outline of his skin.

"No," said Samus, opening the clue.

"You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" she read.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Fox, running out of the door, "Good one! But seriously… …am I going to get better?"

"No," said Samus.

_9-Volt's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're here!" said Falco, running towards a clue box.

"Road Block!" read Falco, "Who's an avid gamer?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! In this Road Block, that person must search through this collection of 5000 old NES cartridges for just one of twenty cartridges with an Amazing Race flag printed on front! Once they have found this cartridge, they must smash it open to reveal a DS cartridge, which they must use to find their next clue!"

"I'll do it," said Mewtwo.

"Okay, come on Mewtwo, you can do it!" cheered Falco.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

Mewtwo ran into the room and picked up a cartridge. "Learn the Alphabet with Mewtwo?! When did I ever consent to _that _game?" he growled.

"When you sold your _soul to me!_" cackled a dark figure at the end of the room which seemed to resemble Shigeru Miyamoto.

"…oh… …I see…" said Mewtwo.

"…well… …these games are… pretty crap…" said Mewtwo.

"DON'T YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY BABIES!" cried the man, clutching several NES cartridges in a fatherly way.

_Fifth Street_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On The Big Cheese_

"Wow!" said Jigglypuff happily, running alongside the cheese, "Transporting this is so much easier now that we put wheels on the bottom and the hill we're running down has a very large gradient!"

"Jiggles! Watch the speed of that thing!" said Pikachu, alarmed. "Someone could get hurt!"

"Why? What's it gonna do?" scoffed Jigglypuff, "Run over someone?"

Jigglypuff turned around to see the motionless block of cheese with some red, blood-like liquid seeping from underneath it.

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Or have some cyclist oblivious to his surroundings crash head-first into it, causing his skull to split open on the sidewalk?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Some cyclist oblivious to his surroundings crashed head-first into it, causing his skull to split open on the sidewalk.

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Hmm…" said Jigglypuff, pondering.

"Or make Pikachu give me all of his life-savings, right now?!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

Nothing happened.

"You sham!" said Jigglypuff angrily, punching the block of cheese.

_Warioware Inc. HQ_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Got it!" said Kirby happily, tapping the screen with the stylus pen. "Detour! The Big Cheese or Finger Food?"

"Let's eat!" said Sonic.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Finger food," said Young Link.

"Yay!" cheered Diddy Kong, gnawing at Young Link's fingers.

"No, Diddy Kong! No!" cried Young Link.

Ba-doom tish.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Finger food," said Yoshi.

"Yay!" cheered Snake, gnawing at Yoshi's fingers.

"Ow!" said Yoshi angrily, pulling away his hand. "Those guys already did that joke!"

"I'm just hungry, okay?!" said Snake angrily.

"You're still not eating my fingers!" said Yoshi angrily.

"What fingers?" said Snake, licking his lips, holding up a circular saw.

"…uh… Snake… what do you mean by… 'what fingers'? My… fingers are still on…" said Yoshi, alarmed.

"Oh, but they won't be…" said Snake, caressing the blades of the saw tenderly.

"Yes they are!" said Yoshi, in denial, "They're still here! Ha ha! Right?"

Snake turned on his saw.

"…oh… I get you…" said Yoshi. "What fingers? Ha… ha… very funny… so when you say 'what fingers', you are actually joking to threaten my livelihood by sawing off my fingers? Very funny, Snake! Very funny! In fact-"

Snake sawed off Yoshi's fingers.

"Ararararara!"

_Fifth Street_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" read Jigglypuff.

"Great, we gotta run back to our car," said Pikachu.

"Don't worry! We can rollout towards our car!" cheered Jigglypuff, rotating in a circle.

Jigglypuff rolled off in the opposite direction.

"Jigglypuff! Wrong way!" said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff ran back five minutes later, panting. "Now you tell me!" she said angrily.

"…why didn't you rollout back here?" said Pikachu.

"Now you tell me!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Jigglypuff rolled out several hundred metres in the opposite direction, before performing a rollout back towards Pikachu.

"Ta-da!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"You do know you wasted even more energy doing that…" said Pikachu.

"Yeah…" sulked Jigglypuff.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 8 fish fingers  
Knuckle Joe: Finished_

"Maario's…" said Peach happily, holding two fish fingers together with her hands.

"Yours!" cheered Peach, breaking a fish finger in half and holding it up.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Knuckle Joe, slamming Peach's head onto the table several times.

The cameraman zoomed in on Knuckle Joe's lower body.

"Um… Fred…" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "…what are you doing?"

"Um…" said the cameraman, "…zooming in on… fish fingers…"

"…half broken fish fingers…" laughed the cameraman.

Knuckle Joe punched the cameraman.

_Kirby: Finished  
Sonic: 4 fish fingers_

"Kirby, I think I have a way that we can cheat!" schemed Sonic, "First, we-"

"Can't you just eat?" said Kirby angrily.

"Spoilsport," said Sonic angrily.

"It's going to involve putting fish fingers in people's handbags, wallets and shirts, isn't it?" said Kirby angrily.

"Noooo…" said Sonic.

_Young Link: 3 fish fingers  
Diddy Kong: 17 fish fingers_

"Good job, Diddy!" said Young Link.

_Snake: 8 fish fingers  
Yoshi: 9 fish fingers_

"Look Yoshi…" laughed Snake, placing several fish fingers on the joints that used to attach Yoshi's fingers to his hands, "…fish finger fingers!" he laughed.

"Auuuuughhh…" moaned Yoshi, losing more blood.

_9-Volt's House_

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"This is ridiculously frustrating…" said Mewtwo, picking up a cartridge and then putting it down.

"Come on, bud, we'll be fine, just stick through it! You'll find it eventually!" said Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Road Block! Who's an avid gamer?" said Samus.

"I'll do it," said Fox.

"Okay, no fooling around, come on," said Samus.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"Just great," said Mewtwo angrily, picking up several more cartridges from shelves.

"Hey guys!" said Fox, running in. "This task is going to be easy!" he cheered.

"I… wouldn't get your hopes up," said Falco, smirking, "I mean, if someone with more than half a brain struggled, I'd see you taking a long time-"

Fox picked up a cartridge. "Hey, is this the right one!" said Fox to a yellow helmet-wearing judge on the other side of the room, pointing to a flag on front.

"Yep!" he said.

"What?!" said Mewtwo and Falco shocked, in unison.

Mewtwo glared angrily at Falco.

"I'm sorry!" said Falco angrily, "Just trying to give the team a bit of moral support!"

_Fox  
On Road Block: Found Cartridge_

"Fox!" said Samus angrily, "Hurry up!"

"I'm trying!" said Fox, holding a hammer above his cartridge, "…I'm just being reminded of my horrid past!"

A wavy transition effect filled the screen to indicate a dream sequence.

"_Hey Wolf!" said Fox in a high-pitched squeaky voice, proudly dressed in his school uniform in the school playground, "Wanna see my new NES cartridge that I brought to school?"_

"_Sure!" said Wolf in a masculine, deep voice, cackling evilly, "I would like to!"_

"_Cool!" cheered Fox, handing it over._

_Wolf started smashing Fox's cartridge with a hammer._

"_Wolf… what are you doing?! Wolf?!" cried Fox._

The wavy transition filled the screen again, cutting back to Fox.

"Wolf!" cried Fox, "What are you doing Wolf? What are you doing?"

"Fox! Smash the cartridge!" screamed Samus angrily.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"Come on!" said Falco angrily, "Fox is being delirious! We can still beat them!"

"Gotcha!" screamed Mewtwo, picking out a cartridge with a marked flag.

_Fox  
On Road Block: Found Cartridge_

"Smash it!" screamed Samus.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block: Found Cartridge_

"Grab a hammer! Grab a hammer!" screamed Falco.

_Samus and Fox  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Put the damn thing in a DS!" screamed Samus, throwing a DS at Fox.

Fox read off the DS. "You must now run along a marked course five-hundred metres to the pit stop, _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!"

"Teams must now run along this marked course to the pit stop!" said Master Hand, "They must hurry, as the last team to check in, _may_ be eliminated."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must now run along a marked course five-hundred metres to the pit stop!" read Falco.

"Beat them!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Samus and Fox_

"Come on, Fox!" said Samus, sprinting out of the house onto the path, "We've got a lead on them!"

Samus turned around.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Fox, putting his hand on an electric fence.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Fox, putting his hand on an electric fence.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Fox, putting his hand on an electric fence.

"I am going to kill you, Fox," said Samus, breathing heavily, twitching uncontrollably in one eye.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Falco, "We can beat them to the line!"

_Fox and Samus_

"I see Master Hand!" said a running Fox eagerly, pointing ahead.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"They're just a tiny bit in front of us!" screamed Falco, nearing closer to Fox. "We can still beat them! Use your telekinesis so we can get ahead!"

Mewtwo used his telekinesis.

"ON THEM!" screamed Falco, choking.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic zooming camera angles.

Samus ran up a large, marble flight of stairs past several martial arts exhibitionists onto the mat. Looking back, she spotted a sprinting Fox, who were being tailed by Mewtwo and Falco.

Fox grabbed onto Falco's belt, causing them both to tumble backwards down the flight of stairs. Mewtwo scampered onto the mat, panting. Using all of his energy, Fox kicked Falco in the crotch, sending him flying several metres backwards.

Fox completely exhausted, waddled up the stairs towards the mat. Falco stood up and sprinted towards the mat, overtaking Fox half a metre before the line. Triumphantly, he stepped onto the mat.

"Yess!" cheered Falco.

"Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand.

Mewtwo and Falco grinned cheesily.

"You are… team number…"

Mewtwo and Falco's grins widened.

"…two!" Master Hand declared.

Mewtwo and Falco stared, jaw-dropped. "What?!" they shrieked in unison.

"Then who beat us?" said Falco angrily.

Master Hand pointed to Bowser and Ness, by the pool deck, sitting back in their lounge chairs as they sipped juice and wore their posh sunglasses and more importantly, asserted the fact that they had indeed beaten Mewtwo and Falco this leg.

"Fox and Samus, you're team number three!" said Master Hand.

"S'aight," said Fox, grinning.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 32 fish fingers  
Knuckle Joe: Finished_

"This is ridiculous," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "The fate of our team is in Peach's hands."

_Kirby: Finished  
Sonic: 48 fish fingers_

"Stop complaining and eat," said Kirby.

"My abs!" cried Sonic, eating another fish finger, "My abs are disappearing as I eat!"

"You never had any abs," said Kirby.

"Nuh uh!" said Sonic angrily, pulling out his wallet, "How do you explain _this_ then?"

Sonic held up his driver's license, with what appeared to be a magazine cut-out of a bodybuilder's abs stuck on his stomach.

"Sonic… …you suck…" said Kirby, "I mean… they're not even believable! Your human skin-coloured abs are covering one of your arms, for crying out loud!"

"Oh yeah?" said Sonic angrily, pulling out a saw.

"I'll show him…" muttered Sonic to himself, mutilating his own arm, "…I'll show him…"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Kirby quietly ate Sonic's last two fish fingers and took a clue. "You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" read Kirby.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" read Yoshi.

_Young Link: 17 fish fingers  
Diddy Kong: 40 fish fingers_

"This is not good…" said Young Link, slowly chewing on another fish finger.

_9-Volt's House_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Road Block!" read Pikachu, "Who's an avid gamer?"

"You can do it, honey!" said Pikachu happily, "Search the cartridges!"

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, running into the room and picking up a cartridge.

"Donkey Kong?!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to an arcade machine to the side of the room.

Jigglypuff excitedly bounced towards the machine and started to play.

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily. "Ruin my fun, will you?"

"We're in a race!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fiine…" said Jigglypuff angrily, kicking a pile of cartridges.

An Amazing Race cartridge flipped, facing upwards.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff, taking it.

"Good job, honey!" said Pikachu happily, "Now smash it open!"

Jigglypuff picked up a hammer and started to bash the Donkey Kong arcade machine.

"Jigglypuff! The cartridge!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," chuckled Jigglypuff heartily, running over to the cartridge containing the clue.

She smashed it open.

"Hurrah!" said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff pulled the hammer up, locking her aim onto the DS cartridge.

"No Jigglypuff! Don't do it!" cried Pikachu.

"Fiine," said Jigglypuff angrily, putting the cartridge into a nearby DS. She handed it to Pikachu.

"You must now run along a marked course five-hundred metres to the pit stop, _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go, honey!" said Pikachu.

"Just a moment!" said Jigglypuff, unplugging the Donkey Kong machine and chucking it into a wheelbarrow.

"Hey! You can't do that!" said 9-Volt angrily from the other side of the room.

"I also can't do this!" laughed Jigglypuff, charging at 9-Volt with the wheelbarrow.

Jigglypuff's wheelbarrow came to a halt, red liquid seeping from under it. "Great occupation and safety standards they have here!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigglypuff! Let's just… go the pit stop… okay?!" said Pikachu, trembling.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We have to beat Snake and Yoshi at this… we haven't beaten them yet… can I entrust you with the task of finishing quicker than them?" said Kirby.

"Sure!" said Sonic.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"You should do it, Snake," said Yoshi.

_Sonic  
On Road Block_

Sonic ran into the room of cartridges, a large viewing audience peering on him from the upstairs gallery.

"Look Kirby! I'm famous!" cheered Sonic.

"Ha, ha," said Kirby.

_Snake  
On Road Block_

"Sonic! I found a cartridge!" said Snake happily, pointing to a face-down cartridge on the floor. "Too bad I'm not as fast as you… so I guess you can beat me to it… with your super speed!"

"Awesome!" said Sonic, zooming up to the cartridge.

Sonic stepped on a land mine which Snake had placed on the ground, proceeding to sever his leg.

"OW!" screamed Sonic, bleeding onto the floor.

"Hah, hah, hah!" chuckled Snake.

9-Volt walked into the room, glaring angrily. "No weapons inside my house!"

"Fine," said Snake angrily.

9-Volt turned his back.

Snake poked out his tongue.

9-Volt looked back.

Snake, with his quick thinking exclaimed, "Ow! I guess I bit my tongue!"

9-Volt walked away.

"Sucker," said Snake to himself.

9-Volt looked back.

Snake poked out his tongue.

"Oh god! I've been spotted!" screamed Snake, ducking under a pile of cartridges.

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you're team number _four!_" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

"Uh… why do you have a wheelbarrow containing a Donkey Kong arcade machine… …which has a large trail of blood behind it Jigglypuff?" said Master Hand.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff ran over Master Hand with the wheelbarrow.

"Mwahahaha!" cackled Jigglypuff evilly.

Pikachu glared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Sonic  
On Road Block_

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, throwing a cartridge at Snake.

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, throwing a cartridge at Snake.

"Boink!" laughed Sonic, throwing a cartridge at Snake.

"Boink!" screamed Snake, putting a grenade in Sonic's mouth.

"AAAAAH!" screamed Sonic.

"Boink!" screamed Snake, putting a grenade in Sonic's mouth.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Sonic.

"Snake!" shouted Yoshi angrily.

"Fiiiine," said Snake angrily.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 41 fish fingers  
Knuckle Joe: Finished_

"Come on, Peach! Eat faster!" said Knuckled Joe angrily.

_Young Link: 25 fish fingers  
Diddy Kong: Finished_

"Peach!" said Diddy Kong slyly, "I wouldn't eat those… for all we know it could be processed rat liver!"

Both Young Link and Peach spat out their fish fingers.

"Diddy Kong!" said Young Link angrily, "I have to eat more than she does!"

"Sorry," said Diddy Kong.

_9-Volt's House_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"You must now run along a marked course five-hundred metres to the pit stop, _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!" read Snake.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!" said Kirby.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach: 45 fish fingers  
Knuckle Joe: Finished_

"Chew, chew, chew," said Knuckle Joe, "Good job, Peach! You're doing well!"

_Young Link: 38 fish fingers  
Diddy Kong: Finished_

"We can't lose to these guys!" said Young Link, chewing.

_Pit Stop_

_Snake and Yoshi_

Snake and Yoshi stepped onto the mat.

"Snake and Yoshi, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Yoshi.

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Kirby and Sonic, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

Young Link swallowed. "Done!" he exclaimed, taking the clue.

"You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue!" he read.

"See you, suckers!" laughed Young Link, running out.

_Peach: 48 fish fingers  
Knuckle Joe: Finished_

"Knuckle Joe… you've been so supportive!" cried Peach, chewing her last two fish fingers, "I've been so mean to you! I always thought you were mentally disabled, but…"

Knuckle Joe stared angrily at Peach.

"…through your help in this challenge I can see your strengths as a person!" said Peach emotionally. "And I don't see you as short anymore… I… I see you as tall in character! Tall in happiness! Tall in nature! Tall at life! Tall at encouraging me to eat fish fingers…"

_Warioware Inc. Carpark_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We've got a lead on them! We've got a lead!" said Young Link, turning the engine on and reversing.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"That's… that's really great…" said Knuckle Joe, "…I'm deeply touched."

"Tall at being a midget!" cried Peach, "And you know why I thought you were such a bad person… because I've been prejudiced! I've been racist, homophobic and had an arachnophobia of you!"

"That's… that's great…" said Knuckle Joe.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Excuse me sir!" said Young Link at an intersection, rolling down his window, "Would you happen to know where 9-Volt's House is?"

The man shrugged.

"Come on," said Young Link angrily, putting his face on the horn.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"…I've learnt many things, including the power of love, the power of hope, the power and fun and most importantly, the power of friendship!" cheered Peach.

"That's great," said Knuckle Joe, jumping up to try and reach the clue, "…can we freaking read the clue now?"

"Just wait!" said Peach happily, dangling the clue just out of the reach of Knuckle Joe. "As a princess… I should now abolish the midget tax I put upon the land! I've realised that not only are they not babies… …they're… people!"

"That's great!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"It's got to be close…" said Diddy Kong.

_Warioware Inc. Revolving Bistro_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"And I shall hold a midget festival and have a midget ball where everyone dresses up as midgets and-"

"ENOUGH!" screamed Knuckle Joe hysterically, "Can we _**please**_ keep on racing now?"

"Sure! All you had to do is… ask!" laughed Peach.

Canned laughter.

"OH MY GOSH I FREAKING HATE YOU ALL!" screamed Knuckle Joe, ripping open the clue. "You must now drive to 9-Volt's House and find your next clue! WHOOP DEE FREAKING DOO!"

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Right now we're paying a taxi to follow them… I think they know where they're going," said Young Link.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Always look on the bright side!" said Peach cheerfully.

"I hate this optimistic version of you!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Always look on the bright side!" said Peach cheerfully.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"I know we're close…" said Young Link, "We just gotta keep moving and hope for the best…"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We're gonna come last…" said Knuckle Joe.

"Always look on the bright side!" said Peach cheerfully.

"Stop saying that!" screamed Knuckle Joe.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"We cannot lose to this stupid team," said Young Link angrily, "I think the most pathetic way to get eliminated is to get last place to them… they are completely stupid in every way…"

Diddy Kong waved to 9-Volt, who was standing on his sidewalk as they drove through the main road.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We may still have a chance though," said Knuckle Joe, "Their navigational skills are awful."

_9-Volt's House_

Dramatic camera angles.

Young Link parked the car and jumped out.

"Now let's find this freaking clue!" said Young Link angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"There it is!" said Peach, pointing to a sign, "9-Volt's House: Diamond City's Largest Gaming Museum, 300 metres on the right!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Why can we never find these freaking clues?" said Young Link angrily, throwing his backpack against the clue box.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Oh my gosh!" said Knuckle Joe, parking the car, "They're still here!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"There's Peach and Knuckle Joe!" said Young Link, "Quickly! Do you have our last clue?"

"Yeah," said Diddy Kong, holding it out.

"Come on, it's definitely not here!" said Young Link, running towards the carpark.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Got it!" said Young Link as Peach and Knuckle Joe brushed by.

"Did you hear that? The clue must be here!" said Peach excitedly, pointing to the clue in Young Link's hand.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"Suckers," said Young Link, "Hey! Let's try out the back!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"There's the clue box!" said Peach, taking a clue, "Wonder why they were going out that way…"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"This doesn't seem right…" said Diddy Kong, running up to a fence. "I think the clue's back there!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who's an avid gamer?" read Peach.

"Come on, Knuckle Joe! I believe in you! Let's do this!" said Peach happily.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"I see them!" said Young Link, pointing to the other team running inside the building, "I think the clue's over there!"

_Knuckle Joe  
On Road Block_

"Search! Search!" screamed Peach.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Who's an avid gamer? I am," said Young Link.

_Knuckle Joe  
On Road Block_

"You're doing good!" cheered Peach.

_Young Link  
On Road Block_

"We can beat them in a footrace," said Young Link to himself, "Just find the damn thing…"

_Knuckle Joe  
On Road Block_

"Try the other pile! I think that one's been searched through, KJ!" said Peach.

"She's not allowed to help him!" said Young Link angrily.

"I can help who the hell I want!" said Peach angrily.

"Oh my gosh, I hate you," said Young Link angrily.

"Got it! Got it!" cheered Knuckle Joe, pulling out a cartridge.

"Quickly! Smash it!" screamed Peach.

_Young Link  
On Road Block_

"Oh my gosh, this sucks," said Young Link angrily.

_Knuckle Joe  
On Road Block_

"Smash it!" screamed Peach, tossing a hammer to Knuckle Joe.

_Young Link  
On Road Block_

"Sorry man," said Young Link angrily, furiously searching through the cartridges.

"Nah, it's okay, it's not your fault!" said Diddy Kong.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"You must now run along a marked course five-hundred metres to the pit stop, _Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_!" read Peach, "Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!"

"Hurry! Hurry!" screamed Peach.

_Young Link  
On Road Block_

"Oh, it was here all along!" screamed Young Link angrily, picking up a cartridge near his foot.

"Come on, we can still make it!" shouted Diddy Kong.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Hurry! Hurry! LEVEL FIVE! LEVEL FIVE!" screamed Peach, sprinting.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Young Link hysterically.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We can do this together! Come on!" screamed Peach, holding Knuckle Joe by the hand.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"I see them ahead! Drop your bags!" screamed Young Link.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"I can't see anything!" cried Peach, "It's pitch black! I can't see a thing!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong_

"We're catching up! We're catching up!" screamed Young Link. "Is that Peach and Knuckle Joe ahead?"

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Peach and Knuckle Joe, exhausted, stepped onto the mat.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

Knuckle Joe sighed. "We made it!"

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Scouts_

Young Link and Diddy Kong stepped onto the mat.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong… you're the last team to arrive," said Master Hand, "And I'm… …sorry to tell you, you've both been eliminated from the race."

"It's okay," said Diddy Kong.

_Young Link and Diddy Kong  
Interview after leg_

"You know, even …" said Young Link.

"Yeah, yeah, that's great, really emotional," said Master Hand.

**Finish Times:**

Bowser and Ness: 3:24 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 4:59 PM

Fox and Samus: 5:00 PM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 5:12 PM

Snake and Yoshi: 6:01 PM

Kirby and Sonic: 6:06 PM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 7:15 PM

**Young Link and Diddy Kong: 7:17 PM- Eliminated**

Please review and talk about your favourite teams, who you want out next, who you think will win and of course, how awful the chapter was! Also, complaints and errors go there too. Enjoy!

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand, "The pressure literally cooks up!"

"_I BURNT MY HAND!" screamed Peach._

"_That's because you don't freaking put your hand into a vat of boiling water, idiot!" said Knuckle Joe angrily._

"…and Peach comes to a stunning realisation!"

"_HOW DARE YOU BE FICTIONAL!" screamed Peach, punching the man wearing the Hamburglar costume. "You're real I say, real!"_


	6. Do You Know What Else Opens At Six?

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eight teams set off from the Comet Observatory to Diamond City!"

"Upon the knowledge that all teams would be on the same flight, Bowser's apparent expertise for the new location prompted an alliance with Falco and Mewtwo!"

"_So cool! You know this place well, I guess?" said Ness._

"_Yeah, sure!" said Bowser. "I come here on business all the time!"_

"But Mewtwo and Falco simply viewed this as a way to gain an advantage!"

"_I can't believe we actually tailed those idiots," laughed Mewtwo, "We got here in the first two teams in exchange for a shoddy alliance."_

"Arriving first to the Warioware Inc. Headquarters, Bowser and Ness decided to attempt the fast forward! Unbeknownst to Bowser… the task involved both team members having their heads shaven!"

_An orange-haired girl wearing a fluffy pink jacket walked into the room. "Hi! I'm Penny! To claim your Fast Forward today… all you guys have to do is shave each other's head bald!"_

"_Gasp! A head-shaving Fast Forward?!" screamed Bowser, freaked out._

"But they took the challenge…"

"_And now to shave off yours!" said Bowser happily._

"_Actually, this will be really quick… because I wear a wig!" cheered Ness, taking off his hat and his black wig._

"_I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" screamed Bowser, attacking Ness's head with the razor, blood flying everywhere._

"…and came in first!"

"_Bowser and Ness…" said Master Hand, "…you're team number one!"_

"_Yes!" cheered Bowser and Ness in unison._

"Young Link and Diddy Kong struggled with navigation…"

"_Why can't we find this freaking building?" said Young Link angrily, looking down at a map as they drove past the Warioware headquarters._

"…and got stuck with Kirby and Sonic and Snake and Yoshi at the back of the pack!"

"_Snake has just been the most obstinate person today!" said Yoshi angrily, "We've just been circling around this same block and yet he refuses to turn into the car park, having passed it so many times!"_

"But as more teams checked in, it was a fish finger eat-off between Peach and Knuckle Joe, Snake and Yoshi, Young Link and Diddy Kong and Kirby and Sonic!"

"_My abs!" cried Sonic, eating another fish finger, "My abs are disappearing as I eat!"_

"But Snake and Yoshi and Kirby and Sonic prevailed, leaving the other two teams behind!"

"_This is not good…" said Young Link, slowly chewing on another fish finger._

"Tensions rose…"

"_Diddy Kong!" said Young Link angrily, "I have to eat more than she does!"_

"…and Young Link and Diddy Kong finished first!"

"_See you, suckers!" laughed Young Link, running out._

"Peach had an emotional breakdown, realising her harshness on Knuckle Joe!"

"_Knuckle Joe… you've been so supportive!" cried Peach, chewing her last two fish fingers, "I've been so mean to you! I always thought you were mentally disabled, but…"_

"But Young Link and Diddy Kong threw away their considerable lead!"

"_Why can we never find these freaking clues?" said Young Link angrily, throwing his backpack against the clue box._

"Young Link thought up of a dirty trick…"

"_There's Peach and Knuckle Joe!" said Young Link, "Quickly! Do you have our last clue?"_

"_Yeah," said Diddy Kong, holding it out._

"…but it backfired, letting Peach and Knuckle Joe get to the clue first!"

"_Got it!" said Young Link as Peach and Knuckle Joe brushed by._

"_Did you hear that? The clue must be here!" said Peach excitedly, pointing to the clue in Young Link's hand._

"Tensions arose once again in the Road Block, which involved searching for a marked cartridge!"

"_She's not allowed to help him!" said Young Link angrily._

"_I can help who the hell I want!" said Peach angrily._

"Knuckle Joe finished first, but after a close footrace…"

"_We're catching up! We're catching up!" screamed Young Link. "Is that Peach and Knuckle Joe ahead?"_

"…they held through and stayed in the race!"

"_Peach and Knuckle Joe, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand._

_Knuckle Joe sighed. "We made it!"_

"Young Link and Diddy Kong left, how sad."

"Can Bowser and Ness take advantage of their first placing at the front of pack? Will tensions between dating Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu affect their race? …and can Peach and Knuckle Joe, more than an hour behind the other teams, get out of last place? Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams:  
**Bowser and Ness (_Father and Son_)

Falco and Mewtwo (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students_)

Peach and Knuckle Joe (_Lawyers_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs_)

Kirby and Sonic (_Door-to-door Salesmen_)

"This is Diamond City, a cultural epicentre of the new world!" said Master Hand, "And here, the Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy, was the fifth pit stop on a race around the world! Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period where they can eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"  
"Bowser and Ness, who were the first team to arrive at 3:24 PM, will depart at 3:24 AM!"

_Bowser and Ness  
1__st__ to depart: 3:24 AM_

Ness opened a clue. "Take a taxi to Lucky Lucky's to find your next clue!"

"Teams must now figure out that Lucky Lucky's is the name of a famous local street cafe, filming place of the 'Young Cricket' segment in WarioWare: Smooth Moves! Once teams take a taxi to here, they will find their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"You have 57 dollars for this leg of the race," read Ness.

"Come on, let's get a taxi…" said Bowser.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"My son and I lead a very open and honest relationship with each other," said Bowser. "Our-"

Ness pulled a receipt from Bowser's pocket. "WHAT?!" he shrieked, "How did you get this receipt? I thought these presents were from Santa Claus!"

Ness started to cry.

"Uh… they are…" said Bowser, smiling, "Just… Santa also wants me to get… income tax deductions … so this receipt is my present from him…"

"Aww," said Ness happily, "You're the best!"

"Anyway," said Bowser, "I think honesty is one of the key features of a great father and son relationship-"

Ness pulled out a note from Bowser's pocket. "To do list: Keep on deluding Ness about the truth of Santa Claus for my own sadistic gains?!"

Ness ran out, crying. "My whole life is a lie!"

_Lucky Lucky's_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Aw shucks, it opens at 6:00!" said Bowser.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
2__nd__ to depart: 4:59 AM_

"Take a taxi to Lucky Lucky's to find your next clue!" read Falco.

"Let's go!" said Falco.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial arts experts_

"For the first four legs of the race, Mewtwo and I had some kind of gypsy curse put on us that made us place below Young Link and Diddy Kong and in the bottom of the back," said Falco, "But we're sitting here and the kids are gone so I think we can only do well from now on!"

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ to depart: 5:00 AM_

"You have 57 dollars for this leg of the race," read Fox.

"Oh boy," said Fox slyly, "We're going to _Lucky Lucky's_… am I going to get… Lucky lucky with you?"

Fox did a seductive hip thrust and then slapped Samus over the backside.

"Yes Fox… you'll get lucky lucky…" said Samus in a husky voice.

"Ooh," said Fox, leaning in towards Samus, cheesy 80's music playing in the background.

"LUCKY TO BE ALIVE AFTER I HIT YOU WITH THIS!" screamed Samus, hitting Fox over the head with a crowbar.

Some bystanders gave Samus a '_your joke really sucked_' look.

"LAUGH! LAUGH!" screamed Samus to the bystanders, laughing manically, shooting several dozen rounds at their legs.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
4th to depart: 5:12 AM _

"Take a taxi to Lucky Lucky's to find your next clue!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"The reason why I love my Jiggles is because of her sweetness and cuteness," said Pikachu, "I think she's just such a fun gal to be around and I couldn't imagine running the race with anyone else…"

"What about you, Jigglypuff? Why do you love Pikachu?" said Master Hand.

"Because he hasn't noticed that I have been taking advantage of him by transferring 800 dollars every day from his bank account to my tax-free bank account in Switzerland!" said Jigglypuff, cackling evilly.

"Haha, good one," laughed Pikachu, before his smile shortly faded, realising the unadulterated tone in her voice.

"Uh… because… he tells funny jokes and he… he's uh… the… the best water type Pokemon I've known!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"I'm an _electric_ type Pokemon," said Pikachu angrily.

"Okay, Raichu!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"I'm Pikachu!" said Pikachu angrily.

…

"Tehee!" said Jigglypuff happily, tugging on Pikachu's ears.

Pikachu looked the other way angrily.

…

"Tehee!" said Jigglypuff happily, tugging on Pikachu's ears.

Pikachu looked the other way angrily.

…

"Why are you so glum, Pikie?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

"Oh…" laughed Jigglypuff, "It's your birthday!"

Pikachu stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"Oh!" laughed Jigglypuff, embarrassed, "Because I was expecting you to give me a gift when I realise… teehee… I think I swapped our birthdays in my personal planner!"

Pikachu stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"GIVE ME PRESENTS!" screamed Jigglypuff, biting Pikachu in the arm.

_Lucky Lucky's  
5:15 AM_

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"I think these are our alliance buddies…" said Ness,

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Here we are!" said Falco, jumping out of the taxi.

"Damn, it opens at six," said Mewtwo.

"Hey guys!" said Falco, waving to Bowser and Ness.

"Hmm… we need some way of gaining an advantage over these guys…" said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Damn, it opens at six," said Samus, plonking her bag down onto the ground.

"You know what else opens at six?" said Fox suggestively.

"What?" said Samus angrily.

"My fly," said Fox, raising his eyebrows.

…

…

Continued Fox, "…so then we can have a thirty minute passionate session of lovemaking, where you caress my chest tenderly and rub my-"

"CAN SOMEBODY FKING GET THIS GUY OFF MY TEAM?!" screamed Samus.

"Oh… I can get off," said Fox sexily.

"Yes, you can… get off the ground!" laughed Samus, pushing Fox into an open manhole, causing him to fall several hundred metres to his eventual death.

Some bystanders gave Samus a '_your joke really sucked_' look.

"LAUGH! LAUGH!" screamed Samus to the bystanders, laughing manically, shooting several dozen rounds at their legs.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Okay, we've come up with the perfect solution to beat the competition…" said Mewtwo, "…hot chocolate… containing high amounts of sleeping pills!"

Falco pointed to a tray full of covered plastic cups on a nearby bench.

"…basically," said Mewtwo, "we're going to generously serve these up to the others that are here right now, and leave the rest next to the clue box inside so the others can enjoy it! My plan is foolproof!"

Mewtwo cackled evilly.

"Yeah… except you spent three quarters of our money on hot chocolate and sleeping pills," said Falco angrily.

"Shut up," said Mewtwo angrily, "You know… you're always so negative…"

…

"I should call you 'Negative Falco'," said Mewtwo angrily.

"That's such a crap nickname!" said Falco angrily.

"You know what else is crap?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"What?" said Falco.

"You," said Mewtwo angrily.

Falco cried.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Aagh," said Pikachu, "This place opens at six."

"You know what else opens at six?" said Fox suggestively, standing nearby.

"What?" said Pikachu angrily.

"My fly," said Fox, raising his eyebrows.

…

…

"Um… good for you?" said Pikachu, backing away.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently attempting to drug the other teams_

"Our plan initiates now," said Mewtwo, taking the tray over to Bowser and Ness.

"Hey guys! Want some… hot chocolate?" said Falco, doing one of those pistol-twirly things he does in Brawl.

"Sure!" said Bowser, taking a cup and taking another to hand to Ness.

"Drink up while it's still hot!" said Falco cheerily.

"Sure thing!" said Bowser, drinking down.

"This is great!" said Ness, chugging down his hot chocolate.

"Mwahahahaha!" cackled Falco and Mewtwo to the camera.

_Fox and Samus_

"Hey guys, want some hot chocolate?" said Falco.

"Will it make Samus sleep with me?" said Fox eagerly.

"NO!" said Falco, Samus and Mewtwo in unison angrily.

"Then no!" said Fox angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"It's supposed to be the strongest one available over the counter," said Mewtwo, taking the tray over to Jigglypuff and Pikachu. "It should be about five minutes before the effect takes place… so… yeah…"

"Hey guys!" said Falco, "Want some hot chocolate?"

"Sure!" said Jigglypuff happily, taking a cup.

"Mmm!" exclaimed Pikachu, sipping down his cup.

"Now… we wait…" cackled Mewtwo evilly.

_Lucky Lucky's  
6:00 AM_

The gates opened.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Go! Go! Go!" said Samus, running past several tables and through the kitchen.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Come on, beat these guys!" said Mewtwo angrily, tailing Samus.

"Sorry man, holding the tray!" said Falco, transporting six hot chocolates on a tray through the cafe.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Pikachu was fast asleep.

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu didn't respond.

"Piiikiiiie…" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu didn't respond.

"Pikachu?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pikachu didn't respond.

"Oh… I've always wanted to do this…" said Jigglypuff, cackling evilly, taking a bucket and walking over to a tap. "This has been a lifelong ambition of mine…"

Jigglypuff filled the bucket to the brim with freezing cold tap water.

"Wake up, Pikachu!" laughed Jigglypuff, tipping the bucket over Ness.

Ness woke up, in total shock. "AAAH! What the hell was that for?" he screamed.

"Hey! You're not Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Hey! You don't just interrupt people's sleep like that!" said Ness angrily.

Ness looked at my watch. "Oh my gosh, we've overslept!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There it is!" said Samus, taking a clue. "Detour! Make a Meal or make a scene?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Make a Meal, or Make a Scene!"  
"In Make a Meal, teams must make a local spicy curry dish, and serve out a small portion to this local food critic! If the critic approves of their dish, they will be handed their next clue! If any critic disapproves, they must adjust the recipe and serve it again!"  
"Cooking may seem easy, but the judging criteria of the food is on the taste of the curry and accuracy of the recipe! As teams are given extra ingredients, if teams add the wrong ones or leave some out, their dishes probably will be sent back and they will have to start again!"  
"In Make a Scene, teams must travel 600 metres to this local film studio and make a thirty second ad for Cokepsi Milk using provided equipment! Once their ad screens to the company executives and they approve of it, teams will be handed their next clue!"  
"This task seems easy, but what teams don't know is that they will be handed a list of things they **must **put into their advertisement for it to pass! These things are: a glass of Cokepsi Milk, a local woman, someone being punched in the face, a crying person and someone being tied up and bound and gagged to a chair."

"Let's do Make a Meal!" said Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Put the tray right next to the clue box, so they can see it when they come in…" said Mewtwo.

"Detour!" said Mewtwo, after opening a clue, "Make a Meal or make a scene?"

"We can cook better than these guys… let's do Make a Meal," said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Guys, I think it was the hot chocolate that made us drowsy…" said Ness, running alongside Pikachu and Jigglypuff, "Fox and Samus didn't seem to drink any and they weren't asleep… I think it's too much of a coincidence to pass this off, these guys drugged us!"

"Yeah! Let's get 'em!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Bowser grabbed the clue from the box and passed one to Pikachu.

"Ooh! Free hot chocolate!" said Jigglypuff, waddling towards Falco's tray of hot chocolate.

Bowser, Ness and Pikachu stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"Oh yeah… the drugs…" said Jigglypuff, backing away.

"Detour!" said Bowser, "Make a Meal or make a scene?"

"Let's cook, dad, we're good at it!" said Ness.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Pikachu, "Make a Meal or make a scene?"

"Let's cook!" said Jigglypuff.

_Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_

_Snake and Yoshi  
5__th__ to depart: 6:01 AM_

"Take a taxi to Lucky Lucky's to find your next clue! You have 57 dollars for this leg of the race," read Snake.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We're at the back of the pack at the moment… so we need to find a way out…" said Yoshi.

"Find a way out?! Find a way out?!" screamed Snake, "Are we in some kind of prisoner of war prison for prisoners of war?!" Snake panted hysterically.

"Yes Snake, yes we are," said Yoshi.

"THEN KILL EVERYBODY AND ESCAPE!1" screamed Snake, gunning down Master Hand.

Yoshi stared, flabbergasted.

"Nah, just kidding…" laughed Snake, "APRIL FOOLS!"

Yoshi stared, flabbergasted.

"It was a joke, Yoshi!" laughed Snake.

Yoshi stared, flabbergasted.

"What's wrong, Yoshi? Can't you take a joke?" said Snake angrily.

Yoshi stared, flabbergasted.

"Ohh… you thought Master Hand _**really**_ died…" laughed Snake, "Well, there's a simple explanation to that!"

Snake walked up to Master Hand's body.

"Wake up, Master Hand! Joke's over now!" laughed Snake, prodding Master Hand.

Master Hand didn't move as he was dead.

"See?" laughed Snake, "Everything's fine! April Fools, Yoshi! April Fools!"

Yoshi stared, flabbergasted.

"APRIL FOOLS'!" screamed Snake, releasing the safety on his gun.

"ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," laughed Yoshi in a very high pitched voice, his eyes spinning in opposite directions to each other due to the insanity.

_Kirby and Sonic  
6__th__ to depart: 6:06 AM_

"You have 57 dollars for this leg of the race," read Sonic.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

"We're now second last, and let me tell you, it's not a good position to be in," said Kirby.

"Find a way out?! Find a way out?!" screamed Sonic, "Are we in some kind of prisoner of war prison for prisoners of war?!" Sonic panted hysterically.

…

…

"Dude! Stop stealing material from Snake!" said Kirby angrily, "…what you're saying isn't even relevant to anything!"

"I do _**not**_ steal material!" said Sonic angrily.

Sonic stood up, to assert his point.

…

Sonic's pants fell down, revealing his 'I Love to steal comedic material from other people' boxer shorts.

"Uh… it's my… brother's boxers," said Sonic nervously.

"You don't have a brother," said Kirby.

"NOT AFTER YOU ATE HIM!1" cried Sonic.

"That's right!" laughed Kirby, "…fun times… fun times…"

_Lucky Lucky's_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Make a Meal_

"Okay, let's check through the ingredients once more before we make it…" said Falco, "Curry powder?"

"Check," said Mewtwo.

"Meat?" said Falco.

"Check," said Mewtwo, holding up a turkey.

…

"Hey! That thing looks like a bird!" laughed Mewtwo.

"It _is_ a bird," said Falco.

"Oh," said Mewtwo.

…

"Hee hee!" laughed Mewtwo, rubbing the greased bird over Falco's skin.

"Dude, that breaks like, fifteen occupational health and safety standards," said Falco angrily.

"I think you're just angry because people eat _you_ in restaurants…" laughed Mewtwo.

"They eat you too!" said Falco angrily, pointing to the neighbouring restaurant, 'Jin Jin's Cat-Consuming Emporium Restaurant'.

"Well, I'm rubbing dead bird against you, how do you feel?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Quite sad and angry actually!" said Falco, teary.

"Aww, does the poor birdy want his mommy?" laughed Mewtwo.

"My mother was used as food for a restaurant!" screamed Falco angrily.

"Oh," said Mewtwo.

…

…

"_Well, at least I can dazzle him with some 'yo mamma' wit now,_" said Mewtwo happily, opening a 'Yo Mamma Joke Book'.

Mewtwo stopped at a random page. "Okay, here's a joke to cheer you up, Falco!" said Mewtwo sweetly. "Yo Mamma's so fat, when she died, they consumed her in a commercial eatery!"

Falco cried. "They did!" he wailed.

"Oh, come on, what's wrong?" said Mewtwo, patting Falco on the back with the bird meat.

Falco cried harder.

"You want some?" said Mewtwo, pointing to the bird.

Falco cried even harder.

"I think he does! I think he does!" said Mewtwo in a baby voice, shoving raw turkey into Falco's mouth.

_Fox and Samus  
On Make a Meal_

Samus and Fox stood there in silence, their pot of curry cooking.

"Oh… it's getting hot in here…" said Fox, thrusting his hips sexily, "Maybe we should take of all of our clothes…"

"There's air con right there," said Samus, pointing to an air conditioner behind them, "You could always turn it on…"

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"Well that's okay," said Fox slyly, thrusting his shoulders back in a seductive fashion. "I'm going to… stttrrrip… anyway…"

"Oh," said Samus, leaning in closer to Fox, "I'm going to strip too…"

"Really?" said Fox, grinning slyly, leaning in closer to Samus.

"STRIP THE SKIN OFF YOUR FACE AFTER I PUT THIS BURNING CURRY HERE!" screamed Samus, laughing, taking Mewtwo and Falco's pot off the stove and tipping it over Fox, causing his fur to peel off his face.

"Mrrow," said Fox sexily, "I love a woman who can play it rough…"

Samus pistol whipped Fox in the face.

"Oh yeah!" screamed Fox, "Hit me harder! Hit me harder!"

Samus stomped on Fox's crotch multiple times.

"OH YES! OH YES!" screamed Fox.

"Hmm…" said Samus.

Samus gave Fox a back rub.

"Oh no! Oh no!" cried Fox.

Samus applied first aid and bandaged Fox's open wounds.

"No! No!" cried Fox. "Too nice! Too nice!"

Samus stitched the fur back onto Fox's face.

"NO! NO!" screamed Fox, crying, "Why must you be so cruel?"

Samus dabbed antiseptic on Fox's face.

"HOW DARE YOU PRESERVE MY LIFE!" screamed Fox manically, "You vile, vile, vile woman!"

Samus gave Fox a subscription to the Reader's Digest.

"OH NO! MY QUALITY OF LIFE WILL IMPROVE THROUGH READING THESE BENEFICIAL ARTICLES!" cried Fox. "WHY SAMUS, WHY?!"

Fox melted.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Make a Meal_

"65 grams of curry paste…" said Pikachu, reading off the recipe.

Jigglypuff slopped a bowl of curry paste into the pot.

"One diced onion…" said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff dropped a watermelon into the curry mixture.

"Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu angrily, "What was that for? The watermelon is a decoy! We're not supposed to put it in! Now we have to start all over again!"

"Don't worry, they won't realise!" said Jigglypuff cunningly, "…in fact… we can probably serve it now! They'll just see the curry powder and be like, oh, Jigglypuff… since you got all that wack bling bling on your shoulders we're going to stick it to the man and just be all like this dog and hand this clue to you now… bro!"

"No they're not!" said Pikachu angrily, "They'll see this watermelon and be like, why the are you serving us this watermelon?! We're supposed to be served ing curry, er! Jigglypuff! How can you be, you nosed head!"

The audience gasped, due to Pikachu's seemingly endless barrage of profanities.

"Oh, get used to it!" said Pikachu angrily, "What's going to happen? Nothing, okay?!"

Pikachu lost his Reader's Digest sponsorship.

"OH NO! NOW MY QUALITY OF LIFE WON'T IMPROVE BECAUSE AS MY FREE SUBSCRIPTION HAS EXPIRED, I CAN'T KEEP READING THESE BENEFICIAL ARTICLES!" cried Pikachu.

Pikachu melted.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Make a Meal_

"Dad!" said Ness, watching Bowser effortlessly chop up the ingredients and toss them in the pot, "I never knew you could cook so well! …how come you don't cook like this at home?"

"Because we couldn't pay the gas bill!" cried Bowser.

"Well… uh…" said Ness, "…oh. I see… that kinda makes sense…"

…

"Hey! Wait a second!" said Ness angrily, "We have heaps of money! You're always flaunting around you six-figure paychecks and your fancy sports cars!"

"Well, I guess Daddy just doesn't love you then!" said Bowser.

Ness ran off crying.

"Now what did I say?" said Bowser, pondering.

…

"Oh yeah!" laughed Bowser, "I remember now! I told my son I didn't love him!"

…

Bowser gasped. "And why did I say that?!" screamed Bowser, crying.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Tingle evilly, perching on Bowser's shoulder.

"TIN-GLE!!" screamed Bowser, furiously waving his fist.

_Lucky Lucky's_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Yoshi ripped open the clue. "Detour! Make a Meal or Make a Scene?"

"...we'll do Make a meal, I'm very skilled in the culinary cuisine-type areas," said Snake, loading his gun.

"We're not going to cheat, are we?" said Yoshi angrily.

"Of course not!" said Snake happily.

_At the supermarket..._

"Do you really expect them to take our supermarket prepared curry?" said Yoshi angrily, wheeling along a trolley of off-the-shelf curry. "And you told me we **weren't** cheating!"

"SHUT UP AND LINE UP IN THE SIX ITEMS OR LESS AISLE!" screamed Snake, shooting wildly.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make a meal or Make a scene?" said Kirby.

"Oh boy!" said Sonic, his eyes filled with dollar sign symbols, "Let's do make a scene!"

"Righty… uh… we shall?" said Kirby.

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Fox and Samus  
At Judge's Table_

"Okay, we're done," said Samus, "Let's serve it out!"

"Okay!" said Fox, serving out the dishes onto a table. "Eat up!"

The camera panned in on the judge.

Tense music played as he took his spoon and took a bite.

"This dish was absolutely disgusting!" said the judge in a French accent, black suit and chequered white shirt on. "I disapprove!"

Fox and Samus gasped.

"And what is _**this**_?" said the judge angrily, holding up a furball.

"Samus! How could you?" said Fox angrily, "Letting the whole team down!"

"I don't have fur," said Samus angrily. "You're the one that has fur, and you're the one that put your filth into our dish!"

"Oh yeah?" said Fox angrily, reaching into the curry dish, "Well… how do you explain this?"

Fox pulled up some more of his fur.

"Your filfthy hair… all over the dish!" said Fox angrily.

"That's also fur," said Samus angrily.

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"But our babies will have fur, after the wedding, right?" said Fox slyly.

"We're not having babies!" said Samus angrily. "And we're not getting married!"

"Whatever you say, _**Samus McCloud**_," said Fox slyly.

"Actually, I think that's a cool surname," said Samus.

"It's _**my**_ surname," said Fox, grinning.

"Then it's a bad surname," said Samus angrily.

Fox frowned.

_Snake and Yoshi  
At Judge's Table_

"Voila!" said Snake happily, presenting his microwave curry to the judge.

"I'm… I'm not even going to eat that," scoffed the judge, "What do you take me for, some kind of idiot? It's obvious you didn't cook it yourself!"

Snake gasped.

"He's got some supermarket surveillance or something…" whispered Snake, leaning in towards Yoshi, "This guy's good, he's really, really good."

"Actually, I think it's because you didn't bother to take the microwave curry out of its packet… or take the microwave cover off," said Yoshi angrily. "And the judge saw us prepare the damn curry because he saw you put it in the microwave that's **a metre **away from him!"

"Oh," said Snake.

_Action™! Film Studios_

_Kirby and Sonic  
On Make a Scene_

"Woah, we have to put all of these things in…" said Kirby, overwhelmed.

"Don't worry!" said Sonic proudly, doing the thumbs-up thing he did in the 'Sonic Sez' segment, "We'll get this done quickly! Start rolling, Kirby!"

Kirby reluctantly turned on the camera.

"Sonic Milk!" said Sonic proudly, putting his hand on his chest, "Sonic approved… Sonic quality… Sonic's the best!"

"And… cut!" said Sonic proudly.

"You are an idiot," said Kirby angrily, stopping the camera.

"Let's show them the tape!" said Sonic proudly.

"You know, there were like… instructions there that we needed to follow…" said Kirby.

"Nevermind!" said Sonic happily, running into the screening room.

_In the screening room…_

"Here's the tape!" said Sonic, handing the tape to a man.

The executives watched the tape, Sonic smiling proudly as the projector flashed his image onto the screen.

The lights went up.

Applause.

"I really, really liked that!" said an executive proudly, "Even though you were supposed to follow the criteria, stuff that! Here's your clue! I know the product was also called Cokepsi Milk but whatever… we like it!"

The room was in silence.

The other corporate executives stared at the other man, bewildered.

"Okay, fine," said the executive angrily, "I played your games as a kid and I admire you… I've been waiting for this day for so long…"

The executive kneeled down to Sonic. "Sonic… I have loved you ever since I played your first game… will… will you marry me?"

"Um… clue?" said Sonic, grinning.

The executive handed Sonic the clue.

"Awesome!" said Sonic, taking the clue.

"After you're done, tell me what you think about my invitation!" said the executive, waving to Sonic with his fingers.

"Uh… righty…" said Kirby, taking the clue and opening it.

"You must now make your way on foot to Orbulon's Car Rental!" read Kirby, "Warning, Yield Ahead!"

"Teams must now make their way on foot to this nearby car rental place, Orbulon's Car Rental!" said Master Hand, "They must hurry, as there is a yield ahead!"

"That was… random…" said Kirby.

"Will you marry me then?" begged the man.

"Of course!" said Sonic happily.

"Yay!" said the man.

"You… do know… that's kinda gay… right?" said Kirby.

Falco busted the door open and stormed in. "What are you? Some kind of homophobe, Kirby? Huh? We've put up with this for so along and it's **very** irritating to hear these remarks time after time after time!"

Falco glared at Kirby angrily.

…

"And I'm not gay," said Falco angrily.

Falco dropped his gay card.

"You… you dropped your gay card," said Sonic.

"OH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" screamed Falco, running out.

Sonic picked up the gay card. "I guess there really is such a thing as a gay card!" he exclaimed.

The audience laughed.

"We better… sign up for a gay card," said Sonic's fiancé, "…seeing that we're going to be married…"

…

"…into a gay marriage at a gay wedding!" laughed Sonic's fiancé.

The audience laughed.

"And while we're at it…" said Sonic, "Let's drink some… gay-torade!"

Silence.

Gatorade's Lawyers dragged Sonic away into a police van.

"Well I thought it was funny!" said Sonic angrily, being driven away.

Sonic turned to the van drivers. "Are you taking me so I can claim my Pulitzer Prize?" said Sonic happily.

"No," said a shady man in a black suit, "We're suing you five million dollars for defamation."

"Oh," said Sonic.

Sonic frowned.

_Kat and Ana's Samurai Training Academy_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Last to depart: 7:15 AM_

"Take a taxi to Lucky Lucky's to find your next clue! You have 57 dollars for this leg of the race," read Knuckle Joe.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Knuckle Joe and I are starting this leg in last place," said Peach, "But I think that because we now appreciate each other more as human beings we're going to do well!"

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Bowser and Ness  
On Make a Meal_

"This is very stressful," said Bowser, "Everyone's had their dishes sent back at least three times… but we haven't sent our dish in… I just hope that ours is okay…"

"We've thought up of a system where we both make our own dish and not intrude on each other's personal space," said Ness, "That way, if one of us is a better cook, the other will still get to make the recipe and we'll have two tries at the judge's table!"

_Judge's Table_

_Fox and Samus_

"Too salty!" said the judge angrily.

Fox frowned, and took the bowl back.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There's no radishes in this recipe!" said the judge angrily, "Why did you put it in? Take it back!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"What's this meat?" said the judge angrily, "…turkey? It's a chicken curry for cripe's sake!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"And what is… this?" said the judge angrily, taking a rubber ducky out of Jigglypuff and Pikachu's curry.

"I WAS TESTING IF IT WAS ACTUALLY LIQUID!" screamed Jigglypuff, fuming.

"Take it back!" said the judge angrily.

_Fox and Samus_

Fox took the bowl up to the judge.

He had a taste.

"What is this? A dessert?" said the judge angrily, "It's too sweet! And…"

The judge took a marshmallow out of the dish. "What do you think you're serving me? A little hot chocolate?"

"It's called decoration, thank you very much!" said Fox angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

Snake handed a red bowl of curry to the judge.

"What's this red stuff?" said the judge angrily.

"Blood," said Snake, frothing manically at the mouth, staring the judge in the eye.

"Um… that's… great…" said the judge, confused.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"That's strange…" said the judge angrily, "I never knew that chicken curry… **HAD NO CHICKEN!**"

"Really?" said Falco excitedly, "Well that's great! That means that because we left it out… we can get the clue!"

Mewtwo and the judge stared at Falco angrily.

"Or not," cried Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"What's _**this?**_" said the judge, pointing to a piece of meat inside the curry.

"Roadkill!" cheered Jigglypuff.

…

…

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Make a Meal_

"I don't understand!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "What could I have possibly said to make him send it back?"

_Bowser and Ness  
On Make a Meal_

"I think we're done," said Ness excitedly, "Let's show the judges!"

_Judge's Table_

_Bowser and Ness_

Bowser presented two dishes to the judge: one of his curry, and one of Ness's curry.

The judge took a taste.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"At the time, I wasn't sure that making two curries at the same time was such a good idea…" said Ness.

_Bowser and Ness_

Tense music played as the judge chewed.

"Hmm… not bad," said the judge.

The judge reached into his backpack. "Here's your clue!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Yess!" cheered Ness, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way on foot to Orbulon's Car Rental! Warning, Yield Ahead!" read Ness.

"Let's run, son! Let's run!" said Bowser.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Make a Meal_

"Oh great, they've got it," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"I think we should ask directions…" said Kirby, confused, "I don't think we're getting to the right place…"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Run, Dad, run!" said Ness, "It's a short distance!"

"I can't run!" said Bowser angrily, "Well, not after that incident when I worked as a substitute prep teacher!"

A wavy transition effect filled the screen to indicate a flashback.

"_Now kids," said Bowser happily, "Today we're going to do something very fun… show and share!"_

"_Yaay!" cheered the kids._

"_Now," said Bowser happily, "If you don't have anything to share, everyone must tell the class her favourite things to do!"_

_A disgruntled child stood up, "It's __**their**__, not __**her!**__ DIIIIIIEEEE!"_

_The kid picked up his semi-automatic rifle, shooting at Bowser's leg, piercing several arteries._

"_Oww!" screamed Bowser._

The wavy transition filled the screen again, cutting back to Bowser.

"And I still never found out who that kid was…" said Bowser.

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Make a Meal_

"Hurry Snake!" said Yoshi angrily. "We have to make a new curry, not change the old one! It's ingredients are wrong; we have to go back and start again!"

"**ITS**, NOT **IT'S!**" screamed Snake, holding up his automatic rifle. "DIIIIE!"

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Excuse me, where's the nearest car rental?" said Sonic to a man on the other side of the small street.

Loud high-pitched string music played.

"That way, two hundred metres up," said the man, pointing up the road.

"Thanks!" said Sonic.

"You sure you didn't have to ask for Orbulon's Car Rental?" said Kirby, jogging up the road slowly.

"I know what I'm doing," said Sonic proudly, "Besides, the people in this place are too _poor_ to have car rentals, I bet it's like the only one in the whole city!"

Loud high-pitched string music played.

_Orbulon's Car Rental_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey! Here it is!" said Ness, pointing to an Amazing Race flag.

"Yield?!" screamed Bowser hysterically.

"Yield!" said Master Hand, "In a Yield, a team can make another team stop racing for a predetermined amount of time!"  
"When teams exercise their yield power, they force another team to flip over this hourglass and stop that team from racing until the hourglass has run out!"  
"For a yield to be exercised properly they can only yield teams that are behind them. This is one of five yields on the race, and teams may only use their powers once, so they must decide when it is most applicable!"

"I'm fairly confident we're in at least third place, so I don't think we need to use the yield today!" said Bowser.

"Look! There's a clue on this car!" said Ness.

Ness took a clue. "You must now drive 26 kilometres to Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy!"

"Teams must now drive 26 kilometres to this taxi depot, where they must search the complex for their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Bowser.

_Lucky Lucky's_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour!" read Peach, "Make a meal or make a scene?"

"We could try cooking!" said Knuckle Joe, "It's right here!"

_Judge's Table_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Good job, we cooked well," said Falco, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way on foot to Orbulon's Car Rental! Warning, Yield Ahead!" read Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We're about to present our meal…" said Jigglypuff to the camera as Pikachu brought a bowl of curry to the judge. "As you might be able to tell, it has a bit of Bowser and Ness influence…"

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily, "Why must you always find a way around the rules? Can't you do something properly for once?"

Pikachu put the plate down on the table.

"So what are we supposed to do, serve **our** curry?" said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to a bowl of green coloured glop on the other side of the room.

Pikachu glared angrily at Jigglypuff, as he put down the curry onto the judge's table.

The judge looked at Jigglypuff and Pikachu and smiled. "This is the best dish I've eaten all day! Well done! You guys are great cooks!"

The judge handed Jigglypuff the clue.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I can't take all of the credit for this dish," said Jigglypuff proudly, "I'd like to thank my boyfriend, Kirby, for all of the help he did in preparing this dish!"

"I'm **Pikachu!**" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

…

"Who's Pikachu?!" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Me," said Pikachu angrily, "Your boyfriend of seven months…"

"I… I swear… I've never seen you before in my life!" said Jigglypuff, confused, "Is this some kind of cruel prank played by Kirby?! Or are you just some kind of weirdo?"

Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm taking off your costume now, Kirby!" giggled Jigglypuff.

Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff, bewildered.

"Taking it off now!" laughed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff tugged on Pikachu's skin, one big jerk ripping off all of the skin on his front.

"AUUUUUGHHH!" screamed Pikachu, crumpling up and dying, lying on the floor.

…

"Kirby?" giggled Jigglypuff, "You can get out of your costume now!"

Pikachu's body did not respond.

"Come on!" giggled Jigglypuff, "You can get up now, Kirby!"

Pikachu's body did not respond.

…

…

…

Jigglypuff assessed the situation.

…

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, shocked, covering her mouth with her hands.

…

"Oops?" giggled Jigglypuff nervously.

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Fox and Samus  
On Make a Meal_

"This sucks," said Samus angrily, chopping up some onions. "Everyone's here… and we've been here for at least an hour! How could we possibly waste so much time?"

"Is it because I'm…" sung Fox, his hands placed on his buttocks, doing several hip thrusts, "Simply irresistible?!"

Samus took a soup spoon and stabbed Fox repeatedly for the next ten minutes.

Fox's dead body lay there.

Samus stared at it for about seven minutes.

"Yeah… maybe we need to be a bit more economical with our time…" said Samus.

_Judge's Table_

_Snake and Yoshi_

"After about an hour of trying to tell Snake his ideas for cheating won't work, we finally made the recipe," said Yoshi.

The judge took a taste. "This is good!" said the judge happily, handing over the clue.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Great…" said Yoshi, ripping open the clue.

"You must now make your way on foot to Orbulon's Car Rental! Warning, Yield Ahead!" read Yoshi.

"Oh no! Somebody might've yielded us!" said Yoshi, shocked.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Oh great, this is a Thrifty's Car rental!" said Sonic angrily.

"Should we go in and ask?" said Kirby.

"Sure!" said Sonic, running into an office. "Hey, where's _Orbulon's Car Rental?_"

"It's about one block that way, then make a right and it's a couple of metres from you!" said a man at the desk, pointing down the road.

Sonic ran out of the office. "Come on, it's not over, we're really close!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're fairly confident we're going the right way," said Mewtwo, holding up a town map, "But we got company on our tail…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There's Mewtwo and Falco ahead!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, "We gotta beat them to the Yield!"

_Kirby and Sonic_

"Make a right here…" said Sonic, pointing ahead.

A jogging Mewtwo and Falco, followed by Jigglypuff and Pikachu sprinted through the road in front of them.

"Oh my gosh! We gotta beat them!" screamed Sonic.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Relax, we're gonna beat them," said Mewtwo, pointing to Jigglypuff and Pikachu, fifty metres behind them. "And then we're going to Yield them."

"I wouldn't relax," said Falco, sprinting, "Jigglypuff can… roll out… really fast and Pikachu… well… have you seen Pikachu's Holiday? Pikachu runs… really… really fast…"

"Why would I watch that crap?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"It's not crap!" said Falco angrily. "You're crap!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco, "YOU TAKE THAT BACK! I'M NOT CRAP!"

Mewtwo had an emotional breakdown.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Come on! Let's use our roll out and fast sprint respectively," said Jigglypuff.

"But I don't have a roll out!" said Pikachu.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff chuckled heartily at this almost non-joke, allowing Kirby and Sonic to near.

_Kirby and Sonic_

"I'm going to do my _super sprint_ now!" boasted Sonic.

…

"Which is really fast!" boasted Sonic.

…

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Jigglypuff rolled, and Pikachu sprinted past Mewtwo and Falco.

"SPRINT!" screamed Falco.

Sonic ran past Falco.

"Really sprint!" screamed Falco.

_Yield_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Sonic ran through the gate of the car rental compound and sprinted up to the yield, taking a marker.

"Yess!" he cheered.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu rolled and ran respectively through the gate, Jigglypuff taking a number.

Mewtwo and Falco jogged in.

"Hey! Wait a second!" laughed Falco, "There's still a number two here! You guys took number three and four"

"We can't exactly read!" said Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Kirby and Sonic angrily.

"I can read…" chuckled Mewtwo. "Read minds…"

Nobody laughed.

"I can't read!" cried Mewtwo.

Falco walked onto the map. "We choose to Yield… no-one!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I think we're next," said Pikachu, looking at their '3' card.

"We can't yield anyone!" said Jigglypuff.

_Kirby and Sonic_

"We choose to yield..." said Sonic, "Peach and Knuckle Joe!"

Sonic stuck two photos onto the Yield board, and took a clue.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now drive 26 kilometres to Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy!"

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"First ones here!" cheered Bowser, hopping out of the car.

Ness ran up to the clue box, and took a clue. "Road Block!" he read, "Who wants some work experience?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can complete!"  
"In this Road Block, that team member must complete a taxi driver's exam which consists of three components: a written test, a parking and a driving course!"  
"In the written test, that team member must fill in a twenty question taxi driver's 'code of conduct' test which also contains basic traffic knowledge! To pass, they must get fifteen out of twenty questions right! The test runs every fifteen minutes, and the participants will be told the answers to the questions that they got wrong, so those with a good memory will complete the task quickly! If the test is failed a large number of times, people may be forced to quit the Road Block!"  
"In the parking component, that team member must drive a taxi two hundred metres to this car park, and park their taxi at a 45 degree angle, to the approval of the examiner in the vehicle with them!"  
"In the driving course, that team member must experience every day life as a taxi driver and drive through a two kilometre course which includes sharp, raggedy roads, a section of rock that could break the tyres, a large hoop of fire, crocodile infested waters, and for the last kilometre, police helicopters shooting at their car as well as rival monster trucks instructed to crush their cars!"  
"If the course is completed within five minutes and the engine can be rebooted at the end, teams will be handed their next clue! If teams fail, they must backtrack in their cars five hundred metres, as the course is not circular!"

"I'll do it, dad!" said Ness.

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"This is taking so long," said Fox, tired, stirring the curry.

"That has to be done," said Samus, "We have to try the judge soon…"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Wow, Peach, you're actually doing really good," said Knuckle Joe, impressed, "Have you done much cooking before?"

"Yeah," said Peach, stirring the curry, "I did this gig at this restaurant called 'Sleazy McSleaze's Gentleman's Club'…"

…

"Uh… and there wasn't all that much cooking either," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe stared at Peach in silence. "Uh… I'm sure that looks really good on your CV…"

"It does!" said Peach angrily.

…

"But yet the restaurants are always turning me down for some reason!" said Peach angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
At Judge's Table_

Fox walked up to the judge's table and presented the curry.

The judge took a bite. "It's still too sweet!" said the judge angrily, "Make the curry… spicy or something!"

"Great!" said Fox angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Okay, it looks like it's cooked!" said Peach excitedly.

"Serve it up, then!" said Knuckle Joe.

Peach and Knuckle Joe walked up to the judge's table.

Dramatic music played as the judge took a bite.

"This is good!" said the judge.

The judge handed Peach the clue.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh, we did great!" said Peach, ripping open the clue. "You must now make your way on foot to Orbulon's Car Rental! Warning, Yield Ahead!"

"Come on," said Knuckle Joe.

_Fox and Samus  
On Make a Meal_

Peach and Knuckle Joe ran out the door.

"Oh great! This is going to be the end of us!" exclaimed Fox, dramatic orchestral music playing in the background.

_One ad break later…_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"This is going to be the end of us!" said Fox angrily.

"We're currently in last place… and at this point… I think we're going to get eliminated…" said Samus.

"Everything we do… we simply can't make this curry…" said Fox angrily.

_Orbulon's Car Rental_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Kirby and Sonic used the Yield…" said Yoshi, grabbing a clue. "You must now drive 26 kilometres to Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy!"

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy_

_Ness  
On Road Block: Sitting 1__st__ Test_

"Man, some of these questions are hard…" said Ness to himself, sitting in an empty classroom, "Question 5, what's the flag-fall in a standard taxi cab?"

Ness pondered. "Okay, that's it… I'm just going to hand this in almost blank and learn the answers…"

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're currently quite happy for ourselves," said Falco, driving the car along the highway, "Because we very well could have been yielded before… but we weren't thanks to a bit of luck…"

_Snake and Yoshi _

"I think the yield today just affirms the fact that this is a race and even at this stage… we can't trust anyone…" said Yoshi, sitting in the backseat.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We don't agree with Kirby and Sonic's decision to Yield Peach and Knuckle Joe," said Jigglypuff, "We were allied with Peach's team last leg and I think it will be sad to see them go because of a bad yield…"

"Right now…" said Pikachu, driving along, "If we could choose who would be eliminated, it would be either Mewtwo and Falco or Kirby and Sonic… they're both very annoying… especially Sonic…"

"Sonic is not annoying!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Kirby and Sonic _

"Thing that Sonic can do that you can't number _63…_" boasted Sonic, "Be awesome!"

Sonic gave an example of his last point. "Now, pretend that in this higher-pitched voice, my name is Frank, and in my normal vooiiice… my name is Sonic!"

Sonic cleared his throat. "Hey Sonic!" said Sonic in his higher-pitched voice, "I think that you're really awesome and really cool and it's really great!"

Said Sonic in his normal voice, "Go away, you stupid little infatuated fan… because I'm Sonic… and I'm better than you!"

"I guess so!" said Sonic's higher voice.

…

Kirby drove along in silence.

"So waddaya think of that?" said Sonic happily. "Cool? Not cool?"

Kirby drove along in silence.

Sang Sonic, "I'm Sonic, I'm awesome…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"See?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"See what?" said Pikachu.

"See the last scene?" said Jigglypuff angrily. "Sonic isn't annoying!"

"What scene?" said Pikachu angrily.

_Ness  
4/20 Correct_

"Thanks," said Ness, taking back the sheet. "Now to learn this stuff…"

_Orbulon's Car Rental_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Yielded_

"Oh… this isn't good!" said Knuckle Joe, shocked, noticing the Yield board with several stickers on it.

"We've been yielded!" screamed Peach, shocked.

"Oh… those morons!" screamed Knuckle Joe, turning over the hourglass. "This is absolutely ludicrous! We're more than an hour behind them and yet they see us as a threat…"

"It's just completely pathetic!" cried Peach.

_Lucky Lucky's_

_Fox and Samus  
On Make a Meal_

"We're starting again from scratch," said Samus, frustrated, "We've just been making this curry forever but nothing's seemed to work…"

"I don't get why he didn't like our last curries!" said Fox angrily, pointing to six bowls containing their last curries.

Fox walked up to an old pot of curry. "I mean… I have no idea how we put that pig's head in there… or those scraps of dirt off the floor in that pot… or that horseradish in…"

Fox's eyes widened. "Somebody's been tampering with our food!"

Fox noticed a green suit-wearing elf on his shoulder. "TIN-GLE!" screamed Fox.

Samus turned around. "Who's Tingle?"

"Can't… can't you see him?" said Fox angrily, pointing to thin air on his shoulder.

"Uh… I don't think so…" said Samus, scratching her head, "I really don't think I can see… this Tingle character…"

…

"In fact… I think it's simply a case of your imagination Fox…" said Samus. "You suck, Fox… you suck."

Fox frowned.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Tingle evilly, perched behind Fox's legs.

"In fact, Tingle… you know what?" said Fox angrily, "You're not real… so I'll just give you my wallet and passport and nothing will happen because you're not real, okay?!"

Fox glared at Tingle angrily, and passed over his documents.

Tingle ran away with Fox's wallet and passport.

"Well uh… oh…" said Fox sadly.

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy_

_Ness  
On Road Block: Sitting 2__nd__ Test_

"Why can't I remember all of this?!" said Ness, frustrated.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We took a shortcut, so we're here fine!" said Jigglypuff dandily, hopping out of the car.

Pikachu ran and took a clue. "Road Block! Who wants some work experience?"

"I'll do it," said Pikachu.

Pikachu opened the rest of the clue. "You must first sit a taxi driver's written examination and pass with 15 out of 20 correct. You must then drive a taxi through several marked roads and park a car, before completing a course for your next clue."

"Oh my gosh," said Jigglypuff excitedly, "I gotta help you for this! I gotta help you! You know how you say I always never talk to you in taxis?"

"Yeah…" said Pikachu.

"Well, that's because I'm always trying to steal the regulations and fare stickers on the window!" said Jigglypuff.

"Uh… good for you?" said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff turned around, revealing her back to Pikachu, which was covered in various cab fare and driver code of conduct information. "Tada!"

"Jigglypuff…" said Pikachu angrily, "There is no way I am going to cheat again, okay?"

_Two minutes later…_

As Pikachu completed the questions, Jigglypuff stood back-first to Pikachu's desk.

"Uh…" said the exam moderator to Pikachu, "You're really not supposed to cheat… but… seeing that you're cute, I'll make a little exception!"

"OR I'LL KILL YOU FIRST!1" screamed Jigglypuff, shoving the man into a nearby human-sized paper shredder.

"Mwahahaha!" cackled Jigglypuff evilly, the man's blood and bodily organs spewing all over Ness's test paper.

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.

…

"…you ruined Ness's test paper!" said Pikachu angrily.

The audience chuckled heartily.

_Two minutes later…_

_Ness  
Passed Test_

"Yess!" cheered Ness, "Come on, Dad! Watch me drive!"

_Pikachu  
Passed Test_

"Good job, Pikie!" said a happy, bloodstained Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Road Block," said Mewtwo, "I'll do it!"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I'll do it!" said Sonic.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Yoshi drove down a dodgy little dirt road, a black car behind them tailing closely, causing them to be unable to turn the car around.

"We're really lost…" said Yoshi, panicking, "I don't even think the city's supposed to _have_ farms, are they?"

"That's nice, Yoshi," said Snake, knitting.

"Snake… we've also been tailed by that same car forever…" said Yoshi, biting his nails.

"That's nice, Yoshi," said Snake, knitting.

"WILL YOU FREAKING READ THE MAP AND HELP?!" screamed Yoshi, "You were supposed to navigate! I'm supposed to drive!"

"That's nice, Yoshi," said Snake, knitting.

"STOP KNITTING!" screamed Yoshi.

"Stop shouting, calm, calm," said Snake, knitting.

"WE'RE COMPLETELY LOST!" screamed Yoshi. "I'M COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT, SNAKE! WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"

"And now for a quote from the bible," said Snake calmly, "Numbers, 13:1: ...The LORD said to Moses, 'Send some men to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites. From each ancestral tribe send one of its leaders.'"

...

...

"...HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HELP?!" screamed Yoshi.

The car rammed into the back of them, hurling them towards a seemingly endless ravine.

"You'll know the real meaning soon," said Snake, calmly. "You'll know the real meaning soon. And you'll repent! You'll repent and embrace your lord! Mwahahaha!"

Snake continued cackling evilly, their car falling through the air to their death.

_Orbulon's Car Rental_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Yielded_

"We're almost there…" said Knuckle Joe, watching the timer run out, "We're almost there…"

"I know," sniffed Peach, "We're gonna race soon…"

_Lucky Lucky's Kitchen_

_Fox and Samus  
At Judge's Table_

"Oh my gosh, do you know how long this bowl of curry has taken?" said Fox, plonking the plate down onto the judge's table.

The judge took a bite.

Dramatic music played.

"It's good!" said the judge, handing over the clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Whatever," said Samus, "Make your way to… yadda yadda… yield ahead… woo…"

_East Carpark_

_Pikachu  
On Road Block: Parking_

"Come on!" cheered Jigglypuff from the sideline, "I know you can park that car! I believe in you!"

"Yes!" said Pikachu angrily, "I've taken what has been called… a driving exam? Ever heard of-"

Pikachu crashed into a stationary car.

"Ever heard of what?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Mumblegrumblemumble," said Pikachu angrily.

_Ness  
On Road Block: Parking_

"You're doing good, son!" said Bowser.

Ness parked the car.

"Yay!" cheered Bowser.

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy_

_Mewtwo  
Passed Test_

"Done," said Mewtwo, running out into the carpark and hopping into a cab.

_Sonic  
On Road Block: Sitting 3__rd__ Test_

"How did he go out so quickly?" said Sonic to himself, chewing on a pencil, "No Sonic! Snap out of it! Concentrate on your own game… your own race…"

Sonic looked at the test paper. "Question 12: Where should you hand in missing items in your taxi to?" he read out.

Sonic pondered.

"Ah!" said Sonic happily, scribbling down as he wrote each word, "To find out more information about joining the Sonic Fanclub, write to: Locked Bag 22364, Sonictopia… Sonicville."

Sonic grinned smugly at the camera. "Wow… this sure is an easy test!"

_Driving Course_

_Pikachu  
1__st__ Attempt_

"I don't feel safe here," said Pikachu to the camera, driving through a rickety, narrow metre-wide bridge, lions and mammoths underneath glaring angrily at him, "I have a feeling this isn't very… safe…"

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Oh my gosh, I can't even drive a stupid stick shift…" said Ness angrily, oblivious to the crocodile infested waters he was about to drive into.

_Pikachu  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Oh my gosh! What is this?!" screamed Pikachu, driving through metre thick water, "I feel like there's these things… biting into my tyres!"

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Their taxi, fallen five hundred metres from a cliff, landed on the ground, breaking into tiny little pieces of debris, the only things left being Yoshi's seat and a steering wheel, gripped in his tiny hands for comedic effect.

"Clue box!" said Snake happily, somehow physically and mentally unaffected by the deathly fall. "Road Block! Who wants some work experience?"

Snake looked behind him, noticing Ness driving through a course in the background. "I think you should do it, Yoshi."

"You sure you want me to do this?" said Yoshi, looking at Pikachu evade helicopter fire in his taxi in the background, "...the task seems... more oriented towards... your interests..."

"Yoshi, I'm _not_ going to do a Road Block if it's not exciting," said Snake angrily.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Pikachu in the background, stuck in a lake, a crocodile climbing up on his windscreen.

"Isn't that exciting?!" screamed Yoshi.

"But they just throw a decoy to us that makes it look exciting," said Snake angrily, "...it's probably just sit through this boring test and study the maps of London, yadda yadda..."

"That's Pikachu driving the car though!" said Yoshi angrily, pointing to Pikachu in the background, his windshield now broken.

"...oh yeah? Maybe it's a... a fake Pikachu!" said Snake angrily.

Yoshi stared at Snake angrily.

"Fine then ...I'll do it," said Snake angrily. "…but I'm not going to have any fun!"

…

"And you'll regret it," said Snake angrily.

_Orbulon's Car Rental_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Oh great, and just as someone's coming," commented Knuckle Joe on the Yield, which had finally run out.

"You must now drive 26 kilometres to Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy!" said Peach.

"Come on, we can beat these guys!" said Knuckle Joe.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey! There's still a team!" said Fox excitedly, taking a clue.

"Quick then," said Samus, ripping open a clue. "You must now drive 26 kilometres to Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Driver Academy!"

"Let's go!" screamed Fox.

_Driving Course_

_Pikachu  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Come on! Hurry up!" said an angry voice on the other end of a walkie-talkie inside Pikachu's car.

Pikachu picked up the walkie-talkie. "Kinda busy here!" Pikachu, whose taxi was completely engulfed under water, desperately tried to steer off the crocodiles mounted on his car.

"Always making excuses!" said Jigglypuff angrily on the other end of the walkie-talkie, "Just suck it up and do it!"

The helicopter shot a whole through Pikachu's side window, allowing water to seep into the car.

"Oh my god I'm going to die!" screamed Pikachu.

"Sure you are!" said the voice at the other end angrily.

A crocodile broke through the window and swam in.

"Oh my… this is the end! **THIS IS THE END!**" screamed Pikachu hysterically.

"Oh, you men, you procrastinating bunch," laughed Jigglypuff on the other end of the walkie talkie.

_Jigglypuff_

"Mayday! Mayday!" screamed Pikachu from the other end of the walkie-talkie, chomping, chewing and swallowing sounds following.

"May day?!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Geesh, learn some English, Pikachu!"

…

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff caringly into the walkie-talkie.

…

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff happily.

…

"Pikie-boo?" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Fine! Don't talk!" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing her walkie-talkie into the trash.

_Exam Centre_

_Sonic  
Failed Test_

"None out of twenty?!" said Sonic, outraged, "How could that possibly be?"

_Snake  
On Road Block: Sitting 4__th__ Test_

"This reminds me of my school days…" said Snake, waiting for the test paper to arrive.

…

"Wait… I didn't go to school…" whimpered Snake.

…

"I never went to school!" cried Snake.

"There, there," said Sonic, slyly, "Only people who are better than you… such as me… Sonic, went to school!"

…

"Wait! I didn't go to school either!" cried Sonic.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I just hope on this next task we can outwit them," said Peach, worriedly, peering through the back window at Fox and Samus's car.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"I think at this point we're going to have to follow them no matter what…" said Fox in the backseat, "We just can't risk losing them… and we can beat them at anything so… let them get eliminated!"

_Driving Course_

_Pikachu  
1__st__ Attempt_

Pikachu crossed the finish line, his car half-eaten.

"Twelve minutes and forty seconds!" said a man with a stopwatch, "Go again!"

"How the heck am I supposed to do this in five minutes?!" screamed Pikachu angrily.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Eighteen minutes and seventeen seconds!" said a man with a stopwatch.

"This is ridiculous!" said Ness angrily.

_East Car Park_

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block: Parking_

"This will be a cinch," said Mewtwo confidently, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back, reclining on the seat. "All I have to do is use a bit of telekinesis to clear these other cars and WHAM! I'll be at the course in no time!"

…

"How do I start the car?!" cried Mewtwo.

Mewtwo sobbed.

…

"Oh! Of course!" laughed Mewtwo, pointing at the key, "I turn the key!"

Mewtwo turned the key in the ignition but yanked it the wrong way, causing it to break.

"Waah!" cried Mewtwo.

_Exam Centre_

_Snake  
Passed Test_

"Good job, Snake!" cheered Yoshi, "You're going really, really well!"

_Sonic  
Failed 4__th__ Test_

"How could this possibly be?!" cried Sonic.

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We've finally found ourselves on the map and we're taking what we think is a shortcut…" said Samus, turning off the highway.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"We lost them!" said Knuckle Joe, looking through the mirror.

"We're going the right way, Esther!" said Peach.

_Driving Course_

_Pikachu  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"This course is just crazy!" screamed Pikachu, his wheels clipping the bottom of the hoop of fire.

_Ness  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"I don't like driving!" screamed Ness, driving through the crocodile pit.

_Parking Course_

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block: Parking_

"Okay Mewtwo… work on your mistakes…" said Mewtwo to himself, sitting in his fourth taxi, "Don't turn the key too hard, don't rip off the steering wheel, don't get in the wrong gear and accidentally reverse into the under-12's driving education centre…"

Mewtwo looked back, to see a pile of moaning, bleeding children behind him. "Oops… so learn from your mistakes Mewtwo, and improve!"

_Snake  
On Road Block: Parking_

"Doo, doo doo," hummed Snake, calmly walking towards his car.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block: Parking_

"Think Mewtwo," said Mewtwo to himself, fiddling with the ignition, "Driving isn't a very easy task, so everyone else will stuff up too…"

Snake calmly drove into his car, turned on the ignition, pressed the accelerator pedal and smoothly weaving his way through the carpark, skidding neatly into his allocated car park space.

Snake's instructor gave him the thumbs-up, making him take off and drive towards the other course.

"Grr…" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Examination Centre _

_Kirby_

Kirby sat outside impatiently, twiddling his thumbs, "We're currently in fifth place because Sonic's doing really slow… I have no idea why he could find the test so hard…"

_Sonic  
Sitting 5__th__ Test_

"Think, Sonic, think!" said Sonic to himself, the test in front of him, the answers sheet to his side, "You must think of some kind of system that could help you go quicker…"

…

"I have the test paper here…" said Sonic, "…and the… answers here… so…"

A light bulb appeared over Sonic's head.

"I know!" said Sonic happily.

Sonic made his test into a paper hats.

"See? I'm awesome!" he said happily to the exam moderator.

The exam moderator stared angrily at Sonic.

"So… where's my clue?" said Sonic, grinning.

The exam moderator stared angrily at Sonic.

_Sonic  
Failed 5__th__ Test_

"How could this possibly be?!" said Sonic, outraged.

_Dribble and Spitz's Taxi Training Academy_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're here…" said Samus, turning into the complex.

"There are still people here!" said Fox, pointing to the driving course on his left. "I think we've still got a good chance!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Fox ripped open the clue. "Road Block! Who wants some work experience?"

"I will," said Samus.

"Come on!" said Fox excitedly, "We can still catch up!"

_Downtown Diamond City_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Knuckle Joe… I stuffed up the map…" said Peach, "We've gone five kilometres the wrong way! We should have followed Fox and Samus!"

"Great!" said Knuckle Joe, pointing down the freeway, "Look! There's no exits for another four kilometres! We're done for!"

"Oh no!" shrieked Peach.

Dramatic string music.

_One dramatic ad break later…_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're done for!" said Knuckle Joe, frustrated.

"Oh no!" shrieked Peach. "What are we going to do?"

"We can't do much now…" said Knuckle Joe, "We're just going to hope that someone else stuffs up now…"

_Examination Centre_

_Sonic  
Sitting 6__th__ Test_

Sonic was playing Donkey Kong.

_Samus  
Sitting 6__th__ Test_

Samus, spotting Sonic's answer sheet neatly placed on his table, picked it up and handed it in.

"Uh…" said the exam moderator, "This test paper looks a lot like the answer sheet…"

"I'll answer your sheet…" said Samus, shaking her long, silky hair around with several rotations of the head, leaning in closer to the examiner.

"That's such a corny line… but you're a hot chick… so… you pass…" said the examiner slyly. "Meet me in the bedroom!"

"Uh… I'll be right back!" said Samus.

The examiner stood there still, smiling.

Samus didn't return.

The examiner stood there still, smiling.

_Driving Course_

_Snake  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Snake!" said Yoshi angrily, "Just get in your car and drive!"

"To drive effectively, you need to go through the proper stretching routine…" said Snake calmly, "For example, the calf stretch!"

"Snake… you're not stretching!" said Yoshi angrily, "Simply because you're just sitting on this table playing _**poker**_ with the employees!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Snake, "I have a Straight Flush!"

Everyone else on the table folded.

"Mwa… ha… ha…" cackled Snake, "…I had a pair threes."

…

…

"Can we go now?" said Yoshi angrily.

"I'M THE CHIP LEADER!" screamed Snake, pulling out his gun, frothing at the mouth.

_Pikachu  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Pikachu crossed the finish line, several crocodiles still latching on to the bonnet.

"Well done, Pikachu!" cheered Jigglypuff from the sideline, "I'm proud of you no matter what!"

"Nine minutes and eighteen seconds!" said the man with the stopwatch.

"That's awful!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, "We're breaking up after this race!"

"I didn't break up with _**you**_ after you spent our entire life savings on the slots!" screamed Pikachu angrily.

"Weren't you grateful for my soda I bought you after I won four dollars in the slots?!" said Jigglypuff, offended.

"YOU BLEW THREE MILLION ON THAT ONE MACHINE!" screamed Pikachu angrily.

…

…

"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily, "…next time I win big on the slots… I'll only buy a drink for myself…"

…

"Or spend it on roulette to win more!" said Jigglypuff, her eyes turning into dollar signs.

_Ness  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Ness crossed the finish line.

"Twelve minutes and fourteen seconds!" said a man with a stopwatch.

"Why can't I do this?" said Ness, frustrated.

_Mewtwo  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Come on…" said Mewtwo anxiously, driving slowly through the crocodile ravine.

_East Parking Lot_

_Samus  
Parking_

Samus parked the car.

Properly.

"Woo," said Samus.

"Good job Samus!" said Fox.

Because Samus parked the car.

Properly.

_Driving Course_

_Mewtwo  
1__st__ Attempt_

Mewtwo crossed the finish line.

"Six minutes and eight seconds!" said a man with a stopwatch.

"Aagh!" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Samus  
Driving to starting line_

"I'm driving to the start of the course and it appears…" said Samus, "…that uh… I've somehow passed Snake, so that's good…"

_Snake  
Driving to starting line_

"Snake finally is going to the course…" said Yoshi angrily.

"Nobody said that _**you**_ had to ride with me here, Yoshi," said Snake angrily. "Why don't you get out and go on home, huh?"

"You duct taped me the seat so I'd have to watch you drive!" said Yoshi angrily, his arms taped down to the chair.

"Well… uh… oh…" said Snake.

_Pikachu  
Driving to starting line_

"Woah…" said Pikachu, Snake and Samus's taxis pulling out in front of him, "We have company!"

_Ness  
Driving to starting line_

"Dad… I don't think I can do this…" sobbed Ness into his walkie-talkie, tailing Pikachu's car.

"Son… just keep your foot on the accelerator pedal and never let go!" said Bowser inspirationally from the other end, "And just remember… I'll be watching you… so you'll do me proud whether we come first or last!"

"Aww… thanks Dad…" said Ness.

_Mewtwo  
Driving to starting line_

"It's all happening here…" said Mewtwo.

_Samus  
1__st__ Attempt_

Samus drove through the starting line and one of the many overhead timers commenced. At the end of the first straight, she quickly pumped up her car into the fourth gear and started to navigate her way through the rocky, windy roads. Just as she fixated her eyes on the oncoming hoop of fire, something bashed into her back bumper.

_Snake  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Hurry up, woman!" screamed Snake, ramming into the back of Samus's taxi repeatedly, "Could you go any slower?! I mean, I'm going at the modest speed of…"

Snake looked at his speedometer.

"…380 kilometres and you must be going at 360, slowcoach!" he screamed.

_Samus  
1__st__ Attempt_

"I've got to speed up!" screamed Samus, performing modifications to the car's engine as the car went on auto-pilot, Snake ramming into her back bumper.

"There!" cheered Samus, her car speeding up further, rocketing through the hoop of fire.

_Snake  
1__st__ Attempt_

"You want to modify your car?!" screamed Snake, forcing the car into the 'until-now' nonexistent eighteenth gear, "I'll modify your car!"

As the two cars neared the swamp and the road widened, Snake pulled up alongside Samus's car and starting bashing her side window repeatedly with his skull.

_Samus  
1__st__ Attempt_

"What an idiot!" said Samus angrily, increasing her gear in the crocodile infested waters to ninth as Snake bashed her right window open with his skull, "The proper way to head butt a window open is by using the _**temple!**_"

As she screamed those words, she rammed into the side of his car, causing his taxi to be almost entirely engulfed in the crocodile infested waters.

_Pikachu  
3__rd__ Attempt_

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Pikachu smugly, the anchor him and Jigglypuff attached to Snake's car pulling his car along at considerably fast speeds, no effort on Pikachu's part.

_Mewtwo  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Mewtwo evilly, an anchor attached to the back of Pikachu's car causing him to be pulled along at no effort.

Mewtwo's car hit a tree.

"Ow," said Mewtwo.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

"How am I possibly going to finish this?" cried Ness, his car chugging along on first gear.

Ness noticed an eighty metre path on the left that cut through the whole course and led directly to the finish line.

"Yay!" cheered Ness.

_Finish Line_

_Samus  
Completed Road Block_

Samus's car crossed the finish line.

"Forty-seven seconds and completion!" said a man looking at the electronic timers.

Snake's car crossed the finish line.

"Forty-eight seconds and completion!" said the man.

Pikachu's car crossed the line.

"Forty-nine seconds, completion!"

Mewtwo's car crossed the line.

"Fifty seconds!"

Ness crossed the line.

"Fifty seconds!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Samus was handed the clue, and she ran towards Fox.

Fox opened the clue. "You must now make your way on foot to Jimmy T's Disco Bar!"

"Teams must now make their way on foot five hundred metres to the sixth pit stop of this race around the world… Jimmy T's Disco Bar!" said Master Hand, "They must hurry, as the last team to check in… _**may**_ be eliminated."

"Let's go!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Snake. "Hurry Yoshi, hurry!"

"Get this freaking duct tape off me!" screamed Yoshi from inside Snake's taxi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"…to check in may be eliminated!" read Pikachu.

"Eep!" said Jigglypuff, panicking, "Footrace!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"…may be eliminated!" read Falco.

"Come on!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"…eliminated!" read Bowser.

"Come on, Dad! Let's do this!" said Ness.

_Fox and Samus_

"Where's Jimmy T's Disco Bar?" screamed Samus hysterically to a passer-by.

"Walk up those steps to that bridge and run across it… it's there!" said the man.

"Thanks!" said Fox.

"Let's go!" screamed Samus, running up the steps.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Follow them!" screamed Snake, pointing to Fox and Samus, a couple of metres in front of them, running up a flight of stairs.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Hurry, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, running, "We can do this!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Move! Losers!" screamed Falco, hopping over Jigglypuff and Pikachu in one step.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Run, Dad!" said Ness, jogging up the stairs, "Endurance training! Endurance training!"

_Fox and Samus_

"Across the bridge!" screamed Fox, pointing to the pit stop in the distance.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We got this!" said Mewtwo, pushing in front of Snake.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Run! Run!" screamed Yoshi manically to Snake, who was lagging behind.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Come on, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff desperately.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"See ya, losers!" said Falco, pushing in front of Fox and Yoshi.

"You're not going to make the distance, Falco!" said Fox angrily.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

A far shot of the bridge showed Samus and Snake, several dozen metres in front of the others. Samus and Snake started to shove and punch each other as they sprinted in an attempt to throw one another off balance.

They reached the end of the bridge to a grassy straight that led to the pit stop. Several metres before they reached the pit stop, in a last-effort attempt to throw her off, Snake tackled Samus, which sent them both rolling down the hill slightly.

Fox, exhausted ran off the bridge, followed by Yoshi. Fox reached the pit stop and collapsed, Yoshi anxiously turning around as he hit the mat.

"Hurry!" screamed Fox.

"Hurry!" screamed Yoshi.

It seemed the sexual tension was too much for Samus and Snake, who were violently making out whilst trying to bodily harm one another on the grass.

"Stop making out!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"Talking about making out…" said Fox sexily to Yoshi.

"What?" said Yoshi.

Fox undid his belt.

"Arararara…" cried Yoshi.

Mewtwo and Falco, panting, jogged from the edge of the bridge and onto the grassy straight.

Both Samus and Snake looked up, noticing Mewtwo and Falco. Samus tackled Falco, Snake tackled Mewtwo.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu, followed closely by Bowser and Ness reached the edge of the bridge and shuffled towards the mat as closely as they could.

"Hurry, Samus!" screamed Fox.

"Hurry, Snake!" screamed Snake.

It seemed the sexual tension was too much between Samus and Falco, and Snake and Mewtwo, who were subconsciously viciously making out.

Bowser and Ness and Jigglypuff and Pikachu neared the mat, basically neck-and-neck.

Snake, Mewtwo, Samus and Falco realised what they were doing and gave group groans of disgust.

Pikachu scampered onto the mat.

Jigglypuff took out her camera to take pictures.

Ness, several metres in front of his father, dashed onto the mat.

Falco hit Bowser in the face, causing him to topple over backwards. Falco ran onto the mat.

"Hurry!" screamed Fox to Samus.

"Hurry!" screamed Yoshi to Snake.

"Hurry!" screamed Falco to Mewtwo.

"Hurry!" screamed Pikachu to Jigglypuff.

"Hurry!" screamed Ness to Bowser.

In the rush of the moment, Snake threw a grenade in everyone else's vicinity, causing Samus, Mewtwo, Jigglypuff and Bowser to topple backwards.

"Hurrah!" cheered Snake. "Hurrah!"

"HURRY, YOU IDIOT!" screamed Yoshi.

"Hurrah!" cheered Snake. "Hurrah!"

Samus, limping, limped up behind Snake and hit him with a baseball bat.

Snake landed face first, his head four inches away from the pit stop.

Samus, quickly reacting, kicked Snake in the face, causing him to wince in pain.

Samus stepped on the mat.

Snake put his hand on the mat.

Jigglypuff put back her camera and calmly waddled onto the mat.

Bowser ran onto the mat.

Mewtwo ran onto the mat.

Master Hand stared, shocked. "Uh… Fox and Samus, you're team number one!"

"Yes!" cheered Fox and Samus heartily.

"Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Bowser and Ness, Mewtwo and Falco, you are teams number two, three four and five!" said Master Hand.

A relatively unenthusiastic cheer was heard from the Smashers.

"Now Fox and Samus, I heard that there was some doubt in your team today…" said Master Hand.

"Yeah," said Fox, "We were in last place for a while but I think… seeing all of the other teams really gave our team a high morale boost!"

"And I also have a nice statistic for you," said Master Hand, "You have won the _equal most_ number of legs in the history of The Smashy Amazing Race! Are you guys going to be the first team to beat this record?"

"Yeah, I think we will be," said Fox smugly.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"I think simply today shows that no matter how many hours you put us behind… we're unstoppable!" said Fox happily.

"I think today we've proved that we're no flukes… we're in this race to win it…" said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"We have to admit it…" said Jigglypuff, "It's high stakes in the competition now and Fox and Samus are fierce…"

"But you know," said Pikachu, "This competition can turn so easily and I think the other side of the coin will be flipped one day… they'll be invincible and then get beaten to the line!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We actually think it wasn't so bad not finishing in first today…" said Yoshi, "We're always up there at the top of the pack and all that's needed is one tiny Yield… and Fox and Samus will _**be gone!**_"

Dramatic music played.

_Driving Course_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who wants some work experience?" read Peach.

"I think you can do it!" said Peach happily, "You can do this, Knuckle Joe!"

"All right then!" said Knuckle Joe.

"_I think Knuckle Joe and I have a very good sense of teamwork…_" said Peach in a voiceover.

The shot cut to the examination centre, where Peach stood alongside Knuckle Joe in filling in the test.

"…_I think throughout the race our teamwork was very good! We had a bad run in the start, but I think we can fully appreciate other now after we accepted our differences…_"

"Good job, Knuckle Joe! Hand it in! You're doing awesome!" cheered Peach.

The examiner corrected Knuckle Joe's paper.

"You passed!" said the examiner.

"Yay!" cheered Peach, hugging Knuckle Joe.

"…_I thought in the past that short people were inferior and stupid but guess what? They're really smart! They can do anything that I can do and you can do! Knuckle Joe knows his times tables! I don't know that!_"

The shot cut to Knuckle Joe, reversing the car into the parking spot.

"Good job!" cheered Peach, as Knuckle Joe got given the thumbs up.

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the pit stop!" read Kirby.

"Let's go!" said Sonic. "I'm so awesome!"

"_The people that yielded us today…_" said Knuckle Joe in a voiceover, "_In the end… it doesn't matter… because Peach and I __**understand**__ each other, the team that yielded us didn't understand each other…_"

"Run! Run!" said Kirby.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Knuckle Joe drove through the course, Peach sitting in the back cheering on supportively.

"_And I think the best thing that happened to us on the race was change…_" said Knuckle Joe, "_I was always close minded about my beliefs, but after seeing the world around us, I think that Peach and I are now more accepting people, better people!_"

The shot cut to the man reading off the overhead timer. "Four minutes and thirty-eight seconds!"

"Thanks for cheering me on, Peach!" said Knuckle Joe happily, "I couldn't have done it without you!"

"_Some people say the race brings out the worst in people…_" said Knuckle Joe.

"You must now make your way on foot to Jimmy T's Disco Bar!" read Knuckle Joe.

"…_but I think the race brought only positive, supportive energy out of Peach and I after we were in it for long enough!_"

"Sprint to the finish!" cheered Peach.

_Pit Stop_

_Kirby and Sonic  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Kirby and Sonic walked onto the pit stop.

"Kirby and Sonic, you are the sixth team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Kirby and Sonic nodded.

"However, as Sonic failed the written test in the road block **twenty** times, you were forced to quit the Road Block and assess a penalty of four hours," said Master Hand.

"Yeah…" said Kirby, disappointed, "We know…"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Time Remaining: 2:31 hours_

Peach and Knuckle Joe stepped on the mat.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the seventh and last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

"We know," said Peach.

"However," said Master Hand, "As Kirby and Sonic were forced to quit the detour, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are team number six."

"Yes!" cheered Knuckle Joe and Peach screamed cheerfully.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"Basically being given a get out of jail free card in the race is the best thing that anyone could ask for!" said Peach happily.

"I know that… if we can overcome this six hour hurdle and stay in," said Knuckle Joe, "Our positive energy and spirit will help us win the race!"

_Kirby and Sonic  
Door-to-door Salesmen_

"Kirby and Sonic, I can check you in now," said Master Hand, "Kirby and Sonic, you are the last team to arrive."

Kirby and Sonic nodded.

"And I am… sorry to tell you, you have both been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

"That's okay," said Kirby.

"Tell me about your partner," said Master Hand, "And what he means to you…"

"I hate him," said Kirby angrily.

"If you hate him, then why did you go on the race with him?" asked Master Hand, amused.

"Because I'm part of a _producer-rigged_ team that put this absolute tool into my team for an ultimately failed amount of comedic relief," said Kirby angrily.

Sonic waved to the camera prettily.

"You're not supposed to talk about that!" said Master Hand angrily, "or I'll **eliminate **you!"

"We _**are**_ eliminated," said Kirby angrily.

"Oh," said Master Hand, "Well uh… oh…"

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Samus: 10:06 AM

Snake and Yoshi: 10:07 AM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 10:07 AM

Bowser and Ness: 10:07 AM

Mewtwo and Falco: 10:07 AM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 4:21 PM

**Kirby and Sonic: 6:59 PM- Eliminated**

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race!" said Master Hand, "Peach confronts her greatest fear!"

"_Uggh!" screamed Peach, digging into her 4kg bowl of rice, "This is pure carbohydrate! Too much carbohydrate is bad for the body!"_

_Peach screamed._

"…and will Fox and Samus finally have the relationship that you viewers have been fantasizing about?"

"_No," said Samus angrily._

Review and: tell me who you like, tell me who you don't like, tell me who you think will win!


	7. I Need To Get His Corpse!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Seven teams set ought on the sixth leg of a race around the world!"

"Teams met their match in a detour choice which involved cooking a complex curry!"

"_What's this meat?" said the judge angrily, "…turkey? It's a chicken curry for cripe's sake!"_

"…with many teams being turned down!"

"_There's no radishes in this recipe!" said the judge angrily, "Why did you put it in? Take it back!" _

…

"_What's this red stuff?" said the judge angrily. _

"_Blood," said Snake, frothing manically at the mouth, staring the judge in the eye._

"But Bowser and Ness came up with the right combination of skill and teamwork…"

"_We've thought up of a system where we both make our own dish and not intrude on each other's personal space," said Ness, "That way… ….we'll have two tries at the judge's table!"_

"…and finished the task first!"

_The judge reached into his backpack. "Here's your clue!"_

"_Yess!" cheered Ness, opening the clue._

"All of the other teams finished, but Fox and Samus lagged behind!"

"_This is going to be the end of us!" said Fox angrily._

"_We're currently in last place… and at this point… I think we're going to get eliminated…" said Samus._

"_Everything we do… we simply can't make this curry…" said Fox angrily._

"At the Yield, Sonic made a controversial decision…"

"_We choose to yield..." said Sonic, "Peach and Knuckle Joe!"_

"…much to the disliking of the other teams!"

"_We don't agree with Kirby and Sonic's decision to Yield Peach and Knuckle Joe," said Jigglypuff._

"At a taxi-driving Road Block, teams struggled!"

"_Oh my gosh, I can't even drive a stupid stick shift…" said Ness angrily._

…

_A crocodile broke through the window and swam in._

"_Oh my… this is the end! __**THIS IS THE END!**__" screamed Pikachu hysterically._

"But upon the eventual arrival of Fox and Samus…"

"_Come on!" said Fox excitedly, "We can still catch up!"_

"_Hurry, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, running, "We can do this!"_

"_Move! Losers!" screamed Falco, hopping over Jigglypuff and Pikachu in one step._

"_Run! Run!" screamed Yoshi manically to Snake, who was lagging behind._

"…five teams finished at the same time, leading to a footrace to the pit stop!"

"_Run, Dad!" said Ness, jogging up the stairs, "Endurance training! Endurance training!"_

"Fox and Samus outran everyone else, finishing first!"

"_Fox and Samus, you're team number one!"_

"_Yes!" cheered Fox and Samus heartily._

"…while the other teams plotted their demise!"

"_We're always up there at the top of the pack and all that's needed is one tiny Yield… and Fox and Samus will __**be gone!**__" said Yoshi._

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, battered, and six hours behind, walked onto the pit stop thinking they were out…"

"_Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the seventh and last team to arrive," said Master Hand._

"_We know," said Peach._

"…but because of another team's failure…"

"_However," said Master Hand, "As Kirby and Sonic were forced to quit the detour, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are team number six."_

"Peach and Knuckle Joe remained in the race!"

"_Yes!" cheered Knuckle Joe and Peach screamed cheerfully._

"Can Fox and Samus, now a potential target to most of the other teams, stay in first place? And can Peach and Knuckle Joe, more than _six hours_ behind the other teams, stay in the race? Six teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams:  
**Bowser and Ness (_Father and Son_)

Falco and Mewtwo (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students_)

Peach and Knuckle Joe (_Lawyers_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs_)

"Fox and Samus, who were the first to arrive at 10:06 AM, will depart at 10:06 PM!"

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 10:06 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats!" read Fox, "Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue!"

"Teams must now find this local travel agent and sign up for a Rainbow Boat, which will transport them up into the sky and into Angel Land!" said Master Hand, "The departing times are: 2:00 PM, 3:00 PM and 5:00 PM! Only four teams are allowed per boat!"  
"Once teams arrive here, they must make their way to this fruit vendor, where they will receive their next clue!"

"Rainbow Boat?!" said Samus sceptically.

_Master Hand_

"Rainbow Boats are the only way to get into heaven…" said Master Hand angrily. "Okay?"

_Fox and Samus _

"What about dying?" laughed Fox. "You can get into heaven from dying!"

Fox, Samus and Master Hand chuckled.

"Wait… I can't get into heaven!" cried Fox, "I sinned in Grade 2, stealing Peppy's sharpener! Oh God!"

Fox cried.

"Wait! I just sinned again!" cried Fox, hyperventilating.

"Uh… there, there," said Samus, "You'll be in hell with me too…"

"Why would you say that, Samus?" said Fox, smiling, "_You're an angel!_"

"Yeah… sure…" said Samus, wiping the fresh blood off her zero suit.

…

A decapitated skull as a result of one of Samus's numerous murders fell out of her Zero Suit, bouncing on the ground several times.

Samus picked up the skull and stuffed it back in her chest area.

"Stop staring at me!" screamed Samus to Fox angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Bowser and Ness  
Mewtwo and Falco  
2__nd__, 3__rd__, 4__th__ and 5__th__ to depart: 10:07 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats!" read Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco in unison, "Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo excitedly.

"Hold on!" laughed Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco, "Wait! _**Rainbow boat?!**_"

"If you heard Master Hand before," said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo in their dull, droning unison, "Rainbow Boats are the only way to get into heaven… geez, idiot!"

"What about dying?" laughed Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco. "You can get into heaven from dying!"

"Stop stealing material from Fox, idiot!" said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo angrily.

Yoshi, Pikachu and Ness frowned.

"Why does everyone have to put me in the shadow of Fox, huh?" sobbed Falco angrily, "It's always, Falco! You're not good enough to be Fox! You're almost good as Fox! Well guess what? That's bullocks, I tell you! THAT'S BULLOCKS!"

Everyone stared at Falco.

"THAT'S BULLOCKS!" cried Falco, nearing Snake as he sobbed.

"THAT'S BULLOCKS!" screamed Falco, thumping his fists on Snake's chest.

"BULLOCKS!" screamed Falco, rubbing on Snake's chest.

"Bullocks…" said Falco slyly, rubbing Snake's nipples tenderly.

"Oh… bullocks," said Falco, grinning uncontrollably massaging Snake's chest.

"Bullocks…" said Falco, closing his eyes sweetly, massaging Snake's shoulders affectionately.

"Oh… bullocks…" said Falco, massaging Snake's shoulders harder.

Everyone stared at Falco.

Falco looked up.

"…I'm not gay!" cried Falco.

"Wait… is that bird thing a dude?" said Snake, shocked.

Yoshi nodded nervously.

"Oh God! Oh God!" screamed Snake, "Oh, I thought he was a chick! Ah! Erase the fantasies from those your head Snake, erase those fantasies! It's a dude! He has dude parts!"

…

"Or does he?" said Snake slyly.

Snake examined Falco.

"Oh God! Oh God!" screamed Snake.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Where's Diamond City Rainbow Boat tours?" asked Samus to a local.

The local pointed up the street, "Uh, it's about one block that way…"

"Thanks!" said Samus.

"We gotta get there quick…" said Fox, reading the clue, "There's only four to a boat so someone behind us is going to miss out…"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Everyone's kinda…" said Bowser, jogging along, "Following us…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey, wait a second," said Falco, reading the rest of the clue as he jogged down the sidewalk of the main road, "It's four to a boat! Someone's going to get left behind!"

"Shut up, we don't want anyone to hear!" said Mewtwo, "We gotta take a taxi then…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Hey… where's Mewtwo going?" said Snake, pointing to Mewtwo, who was cutting through a nearby nature reserve to another main road.

"I think he's trying to get a taxi…" said Yoshi, "Should we get one too?"

"Yeah…" said Snake.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Who do we follow, Pikie?" said Jigglypuff, pointing to the division of the two groups in front of them.

"Follow the dad and son, we're together with them and we can outpace them if we need to…" said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus_

"Look, it's the Pokemon," said Fox, jogging along, pointing behind, "…we gotta beat them…"

"The place is straight ahead… look," said Samus, pointing across the pedestrian crossing, "The shopping strip's right there!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Take us to Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours…" said Falco, hopping into a parked taxi.

"Just wait…" called Mewtwo, several metres away, "I'm paying this taxi to go away!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"What's Mewtwo doing in that taxi? Falco's in that other one!" said Snake, shocked.

"I think there's something up!" said Yoshi, sprinting towards the two taxis.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We just paid the guy to leave…" said Mewtwo, as their taxi took off, "I just hope he follows the orders…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Wait! Wait!" screamed Yoshi, waving his arms as the taxi drove away.

The taxi pulled up on the other side of the road.

"Good job, he's waiting…" said Snake.

_Fox and Samus_

"This traffic light is taking forever!" said Samus, frustrated, an endless barrage of cars zooming through the section of road in front of them, "There's no way we can walk through this street!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu _

"Hi guys!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, catching up to Fox and Samus.

_Bowser and Ness _

"Howdy," said Bowser, running up and leaning on a lamp post.

_Fox and Samus_

"Oh my gosh, I can see it, the sign's right there…" said Fox, pointing to a 'Boat Tours' sign about fifty metres in front of them.

"We're just going to have to take off when the pedestrian light goes green…" said Samus.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"It's just around the corner," said the taxi driver as Mewtwo paid.

"Awesome," said Mewtwo, hopping out of the taxi.

_Fox and Samus_

"Oh my gosh," said Fox, pointing to the other side of the road, "That's Mewtwo and Falco right there…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"It's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Snake happily, their taxi stopping behind Falco's.

_Fox and Samus_

"They're all here…" said Samus.

"Wait… they're taking out their bags slowly… we still have a chance…" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I think they're sprinting… the place must be close…" whispered Jigglypuff to Bowser.

The pedestrian sign turned green.

"RUN!" screamed Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo saw Fox, Samus, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Ness and Bowser dashing across the crossing.

"Wait here!" screamed Falco to the taxi driver.

Mewtwo and Falco took off.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Stay here! We'll be back!" said Snake, dragging Yoshi along.

"Why does it always have to be this close?" moaned Yoshi.

_Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Samus sprinted in, found the clipboard on the office desk and quickly clutched it into her hands, like a mother, curdling a baby.

Mewtwo and Falco, followed by Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi ran in.

Everyone came to a halt, as they stared at Samus, who was calmly writing her name down onto the clipboard.

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ on 2:00 PM Boat_

"Done," said Samus, tapping the pen on the pad.

Samus looked up, seeing the anxious faces of the other four teams.

"Give it to me!" screamed everyone in unison.

"Oh boy, we're just so popular," laughed Fox, leaning back.

"So uh… who wants it?" said Samus.

Mewtwo attempted to use his telekinesis to take the pad out of Samus's clutch.

Samus kicked Mewtwo in the face. "Now that's not very gentlemanly!"

"Here Snake, you can have it, my sweetie pie!" said Samus.

Snake took the pad.

"You never call me sweetie pie Samus!" said Fox, teary-eyed.

"That's because I don't love you," said Samus.

"Oh," said Fox, "Well… uh… yeah… that actually makes sense…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ on 2:00 PM Boat_

"Done," said Snake, looking up.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu smiled cutely at Snake. Falco and Mewtwo smiled threateningly at Snake. Bowser and Ness smiled like… a father and son… would smile.

"Hmm… who should I give it to?" said Snake.

"I have state secrets of China!" said Jigglypuff happily, remembering her improvisational skills she learnt at Harvard.

"You went to Harvard?" said Pikachu, surprised.

"Yeah…" said Jigglypuff, "Wait! Since when did I say that? That's a secret of mine!"

"When it said, '_said Jigglypuff happily, remembering her improvisational skills she learnt at Harvard_'!" said Pikachu.

"What are you talking about?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Just like I said, "_You went to Harvard?" said Pikachu, surprised._""

Jigglypuff scratched her head. "Riiighty…"

"So, what are these state secrets?" said Snake excitedly.

Jigglypuff leaned in towards Snake's ear. "China's hosting the Olympics this year…"

"You mean the Olympics are still running?" said Snake, gasping, "Here's the clipboard, my wise associate!"

As Jigglypuff took the clipboard, Snake dialled a number into his cellphone.

The caller picked up at the other end.

"Hello?" said the voice at the other end.

"Mei Ling!" screamed Snake hysterically, "The Olympics are back!"

"…yeah…" said Mei Ling.

"And China's hosting it!" screamed Snake.

"…yeah…" said Mei Ling.

"…you're… not very excited by that, are you?" said Snake, disappointed.

"Look, are you going to come into the office or am I going to have to fire you now?" said Mei Ling angrily.

"Um… I'm in my office… right now…" said Snake.

"Your call is coming from Diamond City," said the voice at the other end angrily. "…are you taking a holiday?"

"Uh… I'm sorry…" said Snake, "I can't hear you, the sound from your end is breaking up… I guess… being at work and all and being so close to the place I want to reach… I guess I can't hear you!"

"Actually, I can hear her," said a green, suit-wearing elf. "Hi Mei Ling! I'm having a nice holiday with Snake!"

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Snake.

"Hi Tingle!" said the voice at the other end, "Oh, and Snake… you're fired!"

"TIIIIINGLE!" screamed Snake angrily.

…

"Also, this joke's getting really old," said Snake.

"I know," cried Tingle.

…

…

"Kooloo-Limpah!" said Tingle.

Everyone laughed.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
3__rd__ on 2:00 PM Boat_

"I think I'm going to hand the board to Bowser!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"But Jigglypuff!" pleaded Mewtwo desperately, "We've had an alliance for the entire race… doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?"

"Of course, Mewtwo! My ol' buddy pal!" said Jigglypuff, slowly turning towards Mewtwo.

"Jigglypuff! Who tried to poison you?" said Bowser angrily.

"You did!" said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to Bowser.

"Actually, it was us," laughed Falco.

Mewtwo punched Falco in the gut.

"Oh, okay then!" cheered Jigglypuff, handing the board to Bowser.

"Damnit!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last on 2:00 PM Boat_

"I guess playing dirty doesn't always work!" taunted Ness, handing Mewtwo the clipboard.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ on 3:00 PM Boat_

"Grr," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Jimmy T's Disco Bar_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Last to depart: 4:21 AM_

"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats! Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue! You have 19 dollars for this leg of the race!" read Peach.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"I think you'll learn that Knuckle Joe and I are very interesting people!" said Peach happily.

…

…

"We uh… do kite flying?" said Peach.

…

…

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST ELIMINATE YOURSELVES?" cried Master Hand.

_Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Last on 3:00 PM Boat_

"Huh… we're on the same boat as Mewtwo and Falco!" said Peach cheerfully. "High five!"

Peach held out her hand, grinning.

"You wouldn't be… making fun of my height in your use of the word 'high', would you?" said Knuckle Joe, grinning at the camera.

"Actually, yes…" said Peach, smiling.

"Oh," said Knuckle Joe.

_1__st__ Boat  
Departed at 2:03 PM_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"We're on the first boat… and we're glad that Mewtwo and Falco aren't along with us," said Jigglypuff happily.

_2__nd__ Boat  
Departed at 3:01 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We're on the last boat…" sulked Mewtwo, "And we're pretty much done for… and we're stuck on here with two absolute morons!"

…

"All teams are now on one of two Rainbow Boats to Angel Land! Fox and Samus, Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Bowser and Ness are on the 2:00 PM boat, which arrives at 6:00 PM local time! Mewtwo and Falco and Peach and Knuckle Joe are on the 5:00 PM boat, which lands at 8:00 PM local time!"

_Overworld Boat Dock_

The camera showed several shots of humans in a night market, dressed in long white robes, wearing their sandals.

_1__st__ Boat  
Arrived at 5:58 PM_

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Come on, son! Let's beat 'em to the clue!" said Bowser happily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Wow… this is beautiful…" said Snake happily.

"Not as much as you are," said Yoshi affectionately.

They caught each others eyes.

"Snake… I feel…" said Yoshi.

"Don't talk," grunted Snake. "Just do."

They kissed.

Cheesy 50's movie ending music played.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Wow, this place is great!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to several men nearby in a communal bath. "This place and its night market have such a luscious and authentic environment… it's like we're in Ancient Greece!"

"Yeah, glad you like it," said Pikachu, walking along, kissing Jigglypuff on the cheek.

Jigglypuff walked along as the camera captured men, bartering for livestock and meat in the background night, "I guess it's just a good reminder that sometimes a basic life can be so much more fulfilling than a life full of electronics, superficial material pleasures and gambling, all evil roots of the decline of modern man-"

"Ooh! Pokies!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, running into a nearby shop.

Pikachu tried to call out, but then demoted himself to grumbling incoherently to himself.

Jigglypuff came back fifteen minutes later, covered in blood. "Oh Lord!" she cried, "It was a Pork Slaughterhouse, not a Pokies venue!"

"How could you possibly misread a sign as clear as that?" said Pikachu, annoyed.

"Well, maybe I only studied the first six letters of the alphabet unlike you, educated electric Pokemon type!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"P is the _**sixteenth**_ letter of the alphabet," said Pikachu.

"Well that's okay, Pikie," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Because two can play at this game!"

Pikachu stared blankly at Jigglypuff.

"Because you can't mock my inability to recognise the alphabet when I _have your passport!_" said Jigglypuff, taking Pikachu's passport and poking her tongue out.

"What's that supposed to mean-" said Pikachu angrily.

Customs officers pulled Pikachu into a police van.

"See Pikie?" said Jigglypuff as the van drove off, "…I'm right."

The van sped off into the distance.

"Pikie! That was a funny joke!" laughed Jigglypuff. "You can come back now!"

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Pikie-boo?" said Jigglypuff happily.

…

"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily, "I won't send you a postcard in jail!"

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"What are we finding?" said Fox.

"The 'Blissful Fruit Store'," said Samus, brushing some random angel-winged guy with a spear.

"Oh…" said Fox sexily, "Will this Blissful Fruit Store give me some… bliss with you… _**babe?**_"

Fox ran into an angelic lamppost.

Fox passed out.

"The only bliss you'll receive…" said Samus, "is _post-traumatic_ bliss disorder!"

Some bystanders gave Samus a '_your joke really sucked_' look.

Samus reached for a gun.

She had none.

"Curse you heaven!" said Samus angrily, "…taking away all of my weapons in customs!"

Some bystanders continued to give Samus that '_your joke really sucked_' look.

"LAUGH! LAUGH!" screamed Samus to the bystanders, laughing manically, kicking them in the shins.

"Ow!" screamed the Ancient Greek men, falling to their knees.

_Blissful Fruit Store_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here it is!" said Yoshi, pointing to a fruit vendor.

Snake and Yoshi ran in.

"Hey look… it's Pit!" said Yoshi excitedly, pointing to a boy angel sitting behind a counter.

"Hey…" said Pit sexily, his big biceps and pecs ripping through his modest, undersized tunic, "Even though I'm a thirteen year-old boy, my character in most fics is about twenty something so my use in fanfiction cannot be taboo and I can be conveniently paired with Link, Zelda and the other swordsmen in yaoi fics! Except for Meta Knight… ew… what is he… like a blob or something?"

Yoshi, Snake, several locals and the entire 16-man production crew gave Pit a '_get off the heroin_' look.

"So uh…" said Pit nervously, "Uh… what can I… do you for?"

"Rawr…" said Snake sexily, "I'd… like a clue my madam… and then afterwards… we can go out the back… for a session of erotic snack-eating…"

Yoshi whispered into Snake's ear.

"A clue please, dude," said Snake, his face turning red.

Yoshi opened the clue. "Detour! Coward or Hero?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, in this detour… Coward… or Hero!"  
"In Coward, teams must make their way on foot five hundred metres to _this_ Coliseum and find one of these guards, who will blindfold them and take them to the underground dungeon! Once here, that team must make their escape by navigating through this underground maze a shortest possible distance of one kilometre to the front desk! Once they arrive here, the secretary will hand them their next clue."  
"Navigating a maze seems simple… but if a team takes a wrong turn… many dungeons will only have a one-way entrance!"  
"In Hero, teams must go to this same Coliseum and _battle_ their way out of the Coliseum! If team members can escape through the end of the arena after evading or killing over 20 axe-wielding horsemen, 50 foot soldiers, 4 lions, 2 dragons, an annoying imp and 5 fencing midgets, they will be handed their next clue!"  
"This task may seem hard, but teams with enough physical determination will finish the task quickly! The distance needed to be covered is about five hundred metres, and if someone does not make their way out of the arena within five minutes, they **must** serve a compulsory two minute time out! Only one team may be on the arena at a time!"

"Hero!" said Snake.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour!" read Fox, "Coward or Hero?"

"Hero," said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Here we are!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, running into the fruit store.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran up to the angel boy. "Look! It's Pit!" said Pikachu cheerfully, taking a clue.

"Detour!" read Pikachu, "Cow-"

"Pit!" joked Jigglypuff, "It's such a _**Pit**_-y that I can't take a _**Pit**_-cure of you because cameras aren't allowed!"

"Haha, very clever," said Pit.

Jigglypuff beamed.

Pikachu cleared his throat loudly. "Detour! Coward or-"

"It's such a _**Pit**_-y as I'd _**Pit**_-entially be able to _**pit**_ my _**pit**_-cure in my _**pit**_-cure album with the other _**Pit**_-cures taken with the _**pit**_-cure cameras which in turn, take _**pit**_-cures that can be put in _**Pit**_-retty _**Pit**_-cure _**Pit**_-albums _**Pit-**_with _**Pit**_-other _**pit**_-cures which in turn could…"

"_**SHUT UP!**_" screamed Pikachu, his strained voice sending the normally gleeful market into complete silence. "Can you stop making so many freaking jokes about everywhere we go? It's really annoying! …and some of them didn't even make any sense! I mean, _**Pit**_-retty? What the hell's that supposed to mean? You're a deluded old lady you!"

Jigglypuff sniffed.

Jigglypuff burst into tears. "Waaah!" she cried.

Pikachu gasped. "Jiggles! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"Waah!" she cried, her tears causing a 2cm layer of water to form on the floor.

"Jigglypuff! Cheer up! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" cried Pikachu, "I really didn't mean any of it! …oh… Jigglypuff…"

"Huh, huh, huh!" cried Jigglypuff hyperventilating. "I'm leaving you forever!"

"No! Jigglypuff! No!" cried Pikachu.

"Stop following me!" said Jigglypuff angrily, looking the other way angrily.

"No! I'll make it up to you!" said Pikachu, sniffing. "I'm so sorry I ever said that!"

Jigglypuff continued to cry.

"Honey!" said Pikachu sadly, "I'm so sorry! I am so sorry! I'm desperately sorry! Don't leave me, hon!"

"I'm giving you back all your stuff now!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "This novelty straw that you gave me… it means nothing! Humph!"

Jigglypuff threw the straw at Pikachu.

"I hate you! I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I'm never going to be with you… …ever again!"

Sobbed Pikachu, "Bu-"

"Never!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Sobbed Pikachu, "Bu-"

"Never!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Not even if-"

"Never!"

"But what if-"

"IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL I EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Nooo!" cried Pikachu.

…

Pikachu's cellphone rang.

"Hello?" said Pikachu into the telephone.

…

"What? Oh no? Uncle Jim's died?" said Pikachu.

…

"And what… I get a fifteen million dollar inheritance from him?" said Pikachu.

…

"Okay, thanks!" said Pikachu very loudly, "I'll be sure to spend that investment _all on myself_ and not on Jigglypuff now that she's-"

"Honey!" said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the head.

Pikachu hung up his cellphone.

"But I thought…"

"WHERE'S THE MONEY?" screamed Jigglypuff, biting Pikachu in the arm.

"Ow!" Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"My lovey-dovey Melvy-welvy…" said Jigglypuff sweetly.

"I'm Pikachu!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Gary, whatever…" said Jigglypuff, her eyes turning into dollar signs.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Son…" said Bowser, limping into the fruit store, "Dad's not gonna make this leg if we have to go anywhere on foot… having no public transport is going to be a burden on our team!"

Ness walked up to Pit.

"Hey!" said Pit, handing over a clue, "Welcome to Angel Land!"

"Detour!" read Ness, "Coward or Hero?"

"Coward," said Bowser, limping.

"Come on, Dad, we've got an hour ahead of two teams… we can do this together!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Due to my old age…" said Bowser, "Sometimes I feel as if it's hard to keep up with the young competition…"

"And due to my young age…" joked Ness, "Sometimes I feel I'm here to remind Dad he's… old!"

Ness and Master Hand chuckled heartily.

"Why did you have to say that?!" cried Bowser, "It's so mean! It's so mean! You're so mean! Doodie head! Doodie head! Stupid face! Stupid face!"

Bowser poked out his tongue at Ness angrily.

…

"But uh…" said Bowser, "My obvious level of maturity gives us a great edge against the competition!"

…

"Uh…" said Ness, "I think what you did before just contradicted your previous statement…"

…

"Contradict this!" screamed Bowser, murdering his own son.

"I just did!" said Ness, alive.

"Yay!" cheered the kids.

_Angel Land Coliseum_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Fox and Samus walked into the reception office.

"Hey, is this where we become warriors?" said Fox excitedly.

"Yeah," said a lady at the reception desk, "Walk through that door…"

"Let's go, Samus!" said Fox, running through a marked door.

Fox ran through the door excitedly, to meet a room full of Ancient armour.

"Hi!" said some random guy inside the room, "Before you get to become a gladiator, you're going to have to strip off and put on this armour!"

"Awesome!" said Fox excitedly.

Fox looked at Samus slyly. "Did you hear that, hun?" said Fox in an intentionally deep voice, "We both have to… sttttrrrip off… and there's only one change room, so you know… maybe something can happen between you and I…"

…

Said Fox sexily, "Of a very, very naughty nature which involves…"

"Actually… the genders are segregated for change rooms," said the man, pointing to two separate change rooms.

"Oh," said Fox, disappointed.

"And uh…" said the guy, "Sexually confused Foxes change in that corner… over there…."

The man pointed to a stool in the corner of the room.

Fox whimpered, "Do I… have to… change in front of you?"

"Yes," said the man, grinning menacingly.

Fox started to cry, taking off his shirt.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Hero_

"Here it is…" said Yoshi, pointing to a change room.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Coward_

"I think this is the guard!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, running through the reception office.

"Okay, put these blindfolds on…" said the guard, holding up two heavy-duty pieces of thick cloth, "…we're going into the dungeon!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the man, blinking.

"Uh… because it's really scary and you'll _**never return!**_" laughed the man evilly.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the man, blinking.

"Fine," said the guard angrily, "Don't believe me!"

The guard put the blindfolds on Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

He led them through the gift shop and into the dungeon system, every few minutes the light getting dimmer and the turns getting more sharp, rocky and confusing. Jigglypuff and Pikachu smiled dumbly as they walked through the dark dungeon system and seemed oblivious to the hungry, starving people whom for years, had never escaped.

The guard came to a stop. "You're here, guys! Good luck… getting out alive!"

The guard quickly opened a 'staff only' door, locked it behind him and took an elevator up to reception.

"Hee, hee," laughed Jigglypuff, "Did he _**really**_ expect us to be scared by this stupid fake dungeon?"

"Jiggles, I think uh… this may be the real deal…" said Pikachu nervously, pointing to a room nearby labelled 'torture room', loud screams being emitted.

"Yeah sure," scoffed Jigglypuff, picking up a skull, "And what's this? The head of someone who tried to escape? Nice prop, guys!"

"Uh… maybe it's not a prop…" said Pikachu, pointing to some flesh still on the skull.

"Well… uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

Jigglypuff trembled.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Come on, Dad," said Ness, walking along, "A few hundred more metres… we can do this!"

"Daddy needs water;" said Bowser, tired, "Let's go into this nearby newsagency…"

Bowser took a bottle of water and sculled it down.

"I'll have two more…" said Bowser to a clerk at the counter.

Said the clerk happily, "Actually, now that you've bought three bottles of water… you get a free magazine: either this Garfield comic… …or you could take one of these men's interest mags!"

Bowser picked them up both. "This is going to be a really hard decision," sobbed Bowser.

Bowser looked at the Garfield comic.

…

"Hah, hah, hah," chuckled Bowser.

Bowser looked at the men's interest magazine.

…

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Bowser slyly.

Bowser looked at the Garfield comic.

…

"Hah, hah, hah," chuckled Bowser.

Bowser looked at the men's interest magazine.

…

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Bowser slyly.

"DAD!" said Ness angrily.

"Daddy's making an important decision here!" roared Bowser, breathing out fire, a large stream of fire setting Ness's face alight.

"I need water!" screamed Ness, running backwards and forwards in a Kirby-like fashion. "I need water!"

"Sorry Son," said Bowser, buying both the magazines, "Daddy's already spent the team money so… you're going to have to wait a bit after for some water!"

"AAAAH!" screamed Ness, still alight.

"Actually…" said the clerk, "You get a free fire blanket with those two purchases!"

"Yay!" cheered Bowser, taking the fire blanket.

Bowser looked at his son, burning alive.

"I'm going to use you next time I overcook something!" said Bowser happily to the fire blanket, cradling it as if it were his own.

_Angel Land Coliseum_

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: 5:00 Remaining_

Fox and Samus, in their full warrior armour, stepped out onto the Coliseum grounds.

Trumpet fanfare played in the background, and a massive army of axe-wielding horsemen, soldiers, Minotaur, dragons, midgets and an imp charged towards Fox and Samus, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Fox, petrified, held up his little stick as a Minotaur and some axe-wielding horsemen charged towards him.

Midna latched onto Samus's face.

"AAAAH!" screamed Fox, a Minotaur impaling his back onto its horns.

"AAAAH!" screamed Samus, the little imp pushing her into the line of several dozen horses, who then proceeded to trample on her.

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: Serving 1__st__ Time Out_

"Um…" sulked Fox, very, very bruised, nursing his own wounds, "That was… hard…"

"Yeah…" sulked Samus, a horse's legs impaled on her back.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Hero: 4:22 Remaining_

The entire army of warriors and savage beasts charged at raging speeds towards Snake and Yoshi.

Yoshi trembled nervously.

"Don't let them put you off…" said Snake, the beasts coming closer and closer. "Just focus on your first move…"

The beasts were about twenty metres away.

"TAKE HIM!" screamed Snake, throwing Yoshi towards the warriors, Snake bailing and running back to the dungeons.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Hero: Serving 1__st__ Time Out_

Yoshi, covered in trample marks, axe wounds, bruises, blisters and burns, glared at Snake angrily.

…

"WHAT?" said Snake angrily.

_Coliseum Dungeon_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Coward_

"Omigosh… we are so lost…" muttered Pikachu. "We've been wandering in here for at least ten minutes now and I can barely see where we're going! You okay there, Jiggles?"

The Wigglytuff nodded.

_Meanwhile… In Reception…_

"Wow," said Jigglypuff, "that maze was incredibly easy to get out of."

She sipped on her pineapple colada.

"I wonder how long Pikachu's going to be?" she said.

…

"…very long…" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff chuckled heartily at her own joke for a while.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Coward_

"Oh boy, this is going to be so exciting!" said Ness happily, the guard putting a blindfold over his head.

"You're not scared?" said Bowser, who was already blindfolded.

"No, I'm not scared, why would I be scared?" said Ness.

"Boo," said the guard.

…

"Okay…" said Ness.

_Angel Land Boat Dock_

_2__nd__ Boat  
Landed at 6:54 PM_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Wow, isn't this amazing?" said Peach excitedly, pointing to a sewer.

"…it's… …a sewer…" said Knuckle Joe.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"We have to catch up…" moaned Falco, "They got an hour on us…"

_Angel Land Coliseum_

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: Serving 3__rd__ Time Out_

"This task sucks…" said Samus, on crutches.

"Mmm," said Fox.

…

"Hey…" said Fox, "Where did you get those crutches from?"

"Your mom!" said Samus angrily.

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"Wait… I thought she sold weight loss information products!" said Fox angrily.

"She does…" said Samus angrily.

"Then how can she sell crutches too?" cried Fox, having a nervous breakdown.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Brave: 1:27 Remaining_

"Snake!" said Yoshi angrily, to Snake, who was inside a box, "Do they really expect you to fall for that?"

Every single monster and warrior stared at Yoshi angrily.

Yoshi backed into a corner.

The monsters and warriors charged, mauling Yoshi to his death.

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Snake, taking off his box, calmly walking towards the end of the arena.

Snake tripped on a rock.

"Ow!" screamed Snake, toppling over.

_Coliseum Dungeon_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Coward_

"Jiggles, we need to think up of a system to escape this dungeon!" said Pikachu.

"Wiggly ig wig wig!" screamed Wigglytuff, holding up a bazooka threateningly.

"Uh… yeah… whatever Jigglypuff," said Pikachu.

_In Reception_

"Gee," said Jigglypuff, "waiting for Pikie is pretty boring." She unfolded her newspaper.

"Hey, at least he hasn't run into our resident serial killer!" guffawed the guard.

They chuckled heartily.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Coward_

Bowser and Ness were being led through the dungeon blindfolded.

"I wonder where we're going…" said Bowser, his hands perched on the guide's back in a Congo line fashion.

"Hey, what's that room over there?" said Ness, pointing with one hand to the torture chamber, shots and loud screams for mercy creeping out of the steel door.

"Uh… the bingo room…" said the guard awkwardly.

"AAAH!" screamed a man from inside the room, his back being lashed repeatedly.

"Yeaaah…" said the guard awkwardly.

_Blissful Fruit Store_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Mewtwo, "Coward or Brave?"

"Well…" said Falco slyly, "Seeing that you're not going to be fighting anytime soon…"

Mewtwo blinked.

"…after your exclusion from Brawl…" said Falco.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo, clawing Falco alive, displacing his bodily organs.

Falco died.

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Mewtwo.

Mewtwo took a claw and dipped it into Falco's blood, licking it.

"Tastes like chocolate candy milkshakes!" said Mewtwo in his child-like voice.

…

"No it doesn't!" cried Mewtwo, "…it tastes like blood!"

Mewtwo cried for the next ten minutes.

…

"Falcie?" said Mewtwo joyously.

Falco didn't respond, as he was dead.

"Falcie?" said Mewtwo happily.

…

"Falcie-boo?" said Mewtwo joyously.

…

"Fine," said Mewtwo angrily, "Be dead!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in Last Place_

Knuckle Joe took a clue.

Peach stared at Falco's body.

"Looks like…" joked Peach, "…he's having a nice nap!"

"No Peach, he's dead," said Knuckle Joe.

…

"OH GOD! OH GOD!" screamed Peach, weeping.

Peach started to hyperventilate and collapsed onto the floor, having random spasms.

_Angel Land Coliseum_

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: 4:57 Remaining_

"Hey Samus, I've got an idea… let's create a diversion and make out!" said Fox.

…

"Uh…" said Samus, "…no."

They both got trampled by the beasts, monsters and warriors.

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: Serving 6__th__ Time Out_

"It's all _**your**_ fault, Samus!" said Fox angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Hero: Serving 5__th__ Time Out_

"We need to devise some sort of plan…" said Yoshi, his entire body in a cast.

"I know!" said Snake excitedly. "Let's play… colonial dress-up!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Hero: 4:21 Remaining_

"Good day all," said Snake in a posh British accent, holding up his glass eye in one hand and a walking stick in the other, flaunting his Colonial Dress to the Minotaur. "I am Sir Robert Paltry… the groundskeeper!"

"And I am his loyal minion dog servant… Esther!" said Yoshi reluctantly, walking calmly towards the end of the arena.

Their British distraction paid off, once the beasts realised that the jolly British men were the people they were supposed to be fighting, Snake and Yoshi had already… bamboozled their way towards the other muffin-guffin timpani muzzle-guzzle gabuldury.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"This is so stupid," said Yoshi angrily, "How the hell does that work?!"

Snake opened the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"

"Teams must now take a shuttle chariot, departing every twenty minutes eight kilometres to Paletuna's Palace! The chariots are located right outside the Coliseum Entrance! Once here, they must search the palace for their next clue!" said Master Hand.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 7:20 PM Shuttle_

"There's about twelve minutes until the shuttle leaves…" said Yoshi, "So we just have to hope that Fox and Samus don't finish up…"

_Fox and Samus  
On Hero: 4:48 Remaining_

"Why didn't we think of this before?" said Samus angrily, putting her seatbelt on.

"Yeah… you know… the car was just sitting here with the keys in the ignition!" said Fox, "We should have done this ages ago!"

Samus pressed the accelerator pedal. The car zoomed out from the dungeon and straight towards the army of beasts.

"Uh… Samus…" said Fox, "We're kind of going… straight for them…"

"So?" said Samus, looking straight into a lion's eyes.

"Uh… some of those Minotaur are probably about ten times as bulky as our car…" said Fox.

"Relax!" said Samus, "Basic physics! We're going at such a fast speed that when we hit them… they'll just have so much force applied to them that they'll-"

Samus's car ran into the leg of a Minotaur.

Her car crumpled, jolted and stopped.

"Nice going, Samus!" said Fox angrily.

The beasts and warriors surrounded Samus's car, glaring angrily at her.

"Quick Samus!" screamed Fox, putting it into neutral gear.

Just as the beasts and soldiers were about to pounce on the car, Fox's quick thinking caused the car to roll out of the way at the quick pace of ten kilometres an hour.

"Come on! We have fifty metres!" screamed Fox excitedly.

A dragon, several hundred metres away, spotted the rolling car.

"Forty metres!" screamed Fox excitedly.

"Come on, Fox!" cheered Peppy. "Do a barrel roll!"

The dragon charged.

"There's a minor slope ahead!" said Fox, pointing to the five degree hill they were nearing, "Thirty metres!"

The dragon roared, flying at full speed towards the back of their car.

"Twenty metres!" screamed Fox.

Fox and Samus looked behind.

The dragon was several seconds away, charging in a determined manner at the back of their car.

The dragon roared, and picked up the car with one hand, shaking Fox and Samus out.

_Time Remaining: 1:07_

"No!" screamed Fox, falling onto the ground next to Samus.

The soldiers and beasts stared at Fox and Samus angrily.

"Crawl!" screamed Fox, the finish line about ten metres in front of him.

"Come on!" screamed Samus, dashing over the line. "Hurry Fox!"

"Aaah!" screamed Fox, crawling towards the line, the midgets piercing his skin, the evil imp biting him in the neck.

"Five metres Fox! Five metres!" screamed Samus, "Don't die!"

The dragons and horses started to trample on Fox's body, the axe-wielding swordsmen raising their axes.

"You're almost there!" screamed Samus, Fox crawling towards the line at an excruciatingly slow speed as his back took a mauling.

"I can't do it!" screamed Fox, the finish line a ruler-length away.

"I'll give you a kiss if you do!" said Samus.

"Really?" said Fox happily, a halo appearing over his head.

"NO!" screamed Samus.

Midna bit Fox in the ass, causing him to scream in pain and topple over the line.

…

"Woo," said Samus, taking the clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!" read Samus, "The chariots are near the entrance."

"Let's go!" said Samus.

"A little help here?" moaned Fox's rotting corpse.

_Coliseum Dungeon_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Coward_

"We have a lead…" whispered Pikachu to the camera, "We're following who we think is a member of staff back to reception!"

"Wiggly wiggly wig wig," said Wigglytuff, "Iggly wiggly wig wiggly VIVO EN LA CALLE CERVANTES."

Pikachu stared at Wigglytuff angrily. "Are you back on the drugs again? And you need to shave! You're looking like a… Wigglytuff… Jigglypuff…"

_In Reception_

"Yahtzee!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Damn it!" screamed a Psyduck, violently thrashing the board off the table.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Pikachu walked into the reception office.

"Hi Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, relieved, "I followed a Psyduck thinking it was you and got here! I'm so sorry I deserted you! It was an accident!"

Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff, astonished, "Wait, WTF? I thought I was with you the whole time… I mean…"

Pikachu looked behind him. "I was following a Wigglytuff?!" said Pikachu angrily.

The Wigglytuff waved happily.

"OH MY GOSH!" screamed a lady at the reception desk, "THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED! THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED!"

Everyone ran out, screaming as the Wigglytuff started to slit everyone's throats.

"Weird…" said Pikachu, opening the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"

Pikachu had his throat slit.

"Weird… come on hun!" said Jigglypuff happily, dragging along Pikachu's corpse.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Coward_

"We're acing this task…" said Bowser, following his son through the dungeon.

"It's a good thing I was smart enough to realise that there's a map in reception!" said Ness.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Coward_

"Looks like we're all clumped together as a group…" said Falco, tailing Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On Coward_

"It's a good thing Bowser and Ness aren't smart enough to realise we're following them!" giggled Peach. "We really are the most manipulative team in this race!"

Peach realised she was following a group of anorexic blind dementia-suffering three year-olds.

"DAMN IT!" screamed Peach angrily.

_1__st__ Chariot  
Departed at 7:20 PM_

"On the first chariot to Paletuna's palace is: Snake and Yoshi, Fox and Samus and Jigglypuff and Pikachu!" said Master Hand.

_Coliseum Dungeon_

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Darn it!" said Ness angrily, "They've outsmarted us! The map that we have leads to nowhere! It was a fake!"

"Drat," said Bowser angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Lawyers_

"You hear that?" said Peach, whispering really loudly. "Bowser and Ness aren't as intelligent as they're cracked up to be! They don't even know a fake map from a real one! We should stop following them! They're a bunch of idiots!"

Bowser and Ness stared angrily at Peach.

Knuckle Joe blinked.

"…but don't talk too loudly," whispered Peach really loudly, "…because they're not very bright so they won't suspect that we think they're completely stupid if we whisper and walk away quietly…"

Bowser and Ness stared angrily at Peach.

"Knuckle Joe thinks you're stupid!" said Peach desperately, shoving Knuckle Joe in front of herself.

"Lady…" said Bowser angrily, walking up to Peach angrily, "We need to have a talk!"

"Oh!" said Peach happily, "Is it a talk about how our teams are on _such good terms_?"

Some triumphant 'congratulations, you clicked on the red door like we instructed you to' music played in the background.

"…actually… I was kinda… implying I'm about to beat you up…" said Bowser.

"Oh," said Peach.

…

"Well," said Peach cheerfully, "…if you're going to beat me up… don't beat me up too painfully! After all…"

Bowser shoved a razor in Peach's eye.

"Ow!" screamed Peach.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Okay… there's a diversion…" said Falco, "We gotta make a move…"

"Quickly… sprint to that light there!" said Mewtwo, pointing to a door on the other side of the long corridor.

"Come on… we don't want to be seen…" said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness_

Bowser repeatedly punched Peach in the face.

"Dad…" said Ness, watching Bowser punch Peach in the face.

"Yeah?" said Bowser, punching Peach in the face.

"Do you have to be…" said Ness, witnessing Peach getting her face punched in by Bowser, "…so… mean to her?"

"Yes!" roared Bowser angrily, punching Peach in the face.

_Rofl Pony_

"…ho, ho, ho, what a… _**punch**_line… ho, ho, ho."

…

"ho, ho, ho."

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I think we're going well…" said Falco, running along, "It's getting lighter!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Come on," said Peach angrily, heading off in the opposite direction, "Let's beat these doodie heads…"

_Bowser and Ness_

"What a horrible woman…" said Bowser angrily, walking up a flight of stairs.

_Reception_

Mewtwo and Falco emerged from a flight of stairs and walked into reception.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We did it…" said Mewtwo happily, taking a clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"

"Let's hustle…" said Falco.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Bowser and Ness…" said Peach angrily, opening a door, "What a load of morons…"

_Bowser and Ness_

"I swear," said Bowser angrily, "If that stupid lady says one more thing to me I'm going to eat her alive!"

Bowser and Ness continued to walk up a flight of stairs.

"And boy…" said Bowser angrily, "I only eat people that I _really, really hate…_"

"But… but you just ate me then!" whimpered Ness.

"That's because daddy doesn't love you," said Bowser, smiling.

"Waah!" cried Ness.

"Boys these days," scoffed Bowser, "…so sensitive."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ on 7:40 Shuttle_

"I think there's some tension going on between the other two teams with us…" said Mewtwo, taking out a pen and a scroll, "…so we're going to try and cause some more tension!"

Mewtwo and Falco cackled evilly.

"Who uses a pen and scroll these days?" said Falco.

"I do…" said Mewtwo angrily.

"…you have no ink…" said Falco.

"Oh," said Mewtwo.

…

"Well… there's always blood," said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly, "Your fresh blood…"

Mewtwo started to lick his lips, staring manically into Falco's eyes.

"Uh…" said Falco uncertainly, pointing behind him, "Fairy floss… want some fairy floss?"

Mewtwo licked his lips, staring manically into Falco's eyes.

"I'm getting fairy floss… getting fairy floss!" screamed Falco hysterically, running off.

"He'll be back…" said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly.

Falco didn't come back.

Mewtwo frowned.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Dad… we've stuffed up…" said Ness, shocked, the narrow corridor they were in leading to a dead end, "They went the right way!"

"Come on, son!" said Bowser, "We have to run!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Knuckle Joe, we're doing good!" said Peach angrily, "We have to beat those idiots!"

_2__nd__ Shuttle  
Departed at 7:41 PM_

"I'm sure Peach and Knuckle Joe will like the letter that _Bowser and Ness_ sent them," snickered Falco.

Mewtwo and Falco laughed in a frat boy manner.

_Paletuna's Palace_

_1__st__ Chariot  
Arrived at 7:43 PM_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Fox ran up to a clue box and took a clue. "Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one team member may perform! In this Road Block, that team member must take a bow and three arrows and transport one on foot five hundred metres to this nearby archery range! Once here, that person must queue up for one of two lanes and using their bow and arrow, shoot a bullseye on a target 30 yards away! Once they have done this, they will receive their next clue!"  
"If teams use all three arrows and miss the bullseye, they must run back and transport another three arrows back to the archery centre! Participants may only carry a maximum of three arrows at a time!"

"I'll do it," said Samus.

"You sure?" said Fox suavely, "…because lady, I have good aim!"

Fox took his blaster out of his belt and shot three times at a can several metres away. His aim missed wildly and the bullets hit random bystanders in the eye, causing them to fall to the ground in pain.

"No you don't!" said Samus angrily.

"I know!" cried Fox.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it…" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Coliseum Dungeon_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
On Coward_

"Here it is!" said Peach, excitedly, pointing to a large staircase that led to the reception office. "We did it! We did it!"

_Bowser and Ness  
On Coward_

"Come on, Dad…" said Ness, exhausted, "We can get out of this…"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!" read Peach.

"Come on, Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Coward_

"However badly we come…" said Bowser, exhausted, "Just know that I'll always be proud of you, son."

"Thanks, Dad…" said Ness, puffing.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
1__st__ on 8:00 PM Shuttle_

"I just hope that stupid fool Bowser doesn't get here…" said Bowser angrily.

_Downtown Sky World_

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Yoshi!" cheered Snake, as Yoshi led the field, lugging along the bow and arrow on his back.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Don't lose to freaking Jigglypuff in a footrace…" said Samus, jogging along, the bow and arrow placed in her backpack.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"That's right, Samus! Run faster! Run faster!" cackled Jigglypuff smugly on roller skates, holding onto the back of Samus's thigh so she could get pulled along with no effort on her own part, "Don't get overtaken by the evil Jigglypuff! Who is really fast! And scary!"

Samus turned around.

Samus glared at Jigglypuff angrily. "You're trying to outsmart _**me**_?" said Samus angrily.

"Uh… yeah…" said Jigglypuff happily, nodding.

"Well here's what I think of your stupid roller skates!" said Samus angrily.

Samus took Jigglypuff's roller stakes off and then held them up about seventy centimetres above the ground, just out of Jigglypuff's reach.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" cried Jigglypuff, jumping up in an attempt to reach the skates, "Give it back! Give it back!"

Samus started to toss the skates to Snake, who then started taunting Jigglypuff by holding the skates out of her reach.

"No! No!" cried Jigglypuff, "You're bullies! You're all bullies! I'm telling Mrs. Palmerston on you!"

Snake and Samus gasped. "Mrs. Palmerston?!" they screamed in unison.

_Mrs. Palmerston's Office_

"…and then they started tossing my skates back and fourth _without my permission!_" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, puffing up in anger.

Mrs. Palmerston turned around. "AAAAH! WHAT THE HELL?! A TALKING PINK ALIEN?!" she screamed.

"So uh…" said Jigglypuff.

Mrs. Palmerston started throwing books at Jigglypuff in an effort to subdue her.

"…what punishment are you…" said Jigglypuff happily.

Mrs. Palmerston took out her shotgun.

"…going to lay on Snake and Samus?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Die you demon of sin!" screamed the woman manically, repeatedly shooting at Jigglypuff. "You are the root of all evil in this world!"

"…like… are you gonna phone their parents?" said Jigglypuff. "Or maybe send them to the principal's-"

Mrs. Palmerston shot Jigglypuff.

"Ow!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Archery Range_

_Yoshi  
1__st__ Attempt_

Yoshi reached the firing range first, setting up his bow and arrow and looking in the target in front of him.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

Jigglypuff quickly shuffled in front of Samus and reserved her lane, beaming gleefully at Samus as she took her own sweet time, setting up her bow and arrow.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Damn," said Samus angrily, sitting off on the side.

_Yoshi  
1__st__ Attempt_

Yoshi shot his first arrow, missing the target by about four metres.

Yoshi sighed and shot his second arrow, missing the target by an even wider amount.

"Eggh," groaned Yoshi.

Yoshi blindly fired his third arrow, causing it to fly past the target.

"Great…" said Yoshi angrily.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Humm… humm… humm…" hummed Jigglypuff, knitting, painting her bow into a colourful pattern.

"Jiggles…" said Pikachu, "…are you gonna like… start the task soon enough?"

"I'M WARMING UP!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

"How is that warming up, Jiggles?" said Pikachu, annoyed, "I mean-"

"DIE!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, running over to Pikachu and hitting him over the head with the bow.

"GAAH!" screamed Pikachu, tumbling over and dying.

…

"Drama Queen," said Jigglypuff angrily to Pikachu's body.

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Samus  
On 1__st__ Archery Range_

"Concentrate Samus…" said Samus to herself, focusing on the bullseye.

Samus released her first arrow, hitting the target but missing the bullseye by an inch.

"Hmm…" said Samus.

Samus released the second arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch again.

"Errg," said Samus angrily.

"Go Samus! Go Samus!" cheered Fox from the sideline.

Samus shot an arrow at Fox's head, causing him to topple over and die.

"That counts as your third shot," said a judge.

"Damn it!" screamed Samus angrily.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
1__st__ on 8:00 PM Shuttle_

"Gee…" said Peach, "Knuckle Joe… I hope that stupid Bowser doesn't make it and I hope they get eliminated!"

…

"Knuckle Joe, you don't like Bowser and Ness, right?" said Peach.

…

"Knuckle Joe?" said Peach.

_In the dungeons…_

"AAAAH!" screamed Knuckle Joe, being mauled alive by bears.

…

"AAAAH!" screamed Knuckle Joe, being mauled alive by bears.

…

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"I think this is it!" said Bowser, pointing to the light at the top of the flight of stairs they were on.

_Archery Range_

_Jigglypuff  
On 1__st__ Attempt_

Jigglypuff continued to aim her bow and arrow, having not shot an arrow yet.

"Hurry up, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Aiming, sweetie!" sung Jigglypuff happily, focusing on the target.

"Well at least hurry up!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Ai-ming!" sung Jigglypuff happily.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Come on!" cheered Fox, running alongside Samus, "You can do it, Samus!"

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"Go Yoshi, go…" said Yoshi to himself, running as fast as he could.

…

Yoshi passed some hot chicks.

…

_Jigglypuff  
On 1__st__ Attempt_

"Hurry, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily, "Samus is coming!"

"I'm aiming!" said Jigglypuff angrily, aiming at the target.

"You've been aiming for the last ten minutes!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I'm trying to hit the bullseye!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

_Samus  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Samus reached the lane and began to set up.

_Jigglypuff  
On 1__st__ Attempt_

"Hurry up!" screamed Pikachu angrily, "Samus is here!"

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily, letting go, "I'll just randomly shoot these arrows randomly!"

_Samus  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Samus shot her first arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Uh! Huh! Huh!" cried Jigglypuff hysterically, making involuntary spasm-like horse neighing noises.

Jigglypuff missed the target by several metres.

"See what you've made me do?" cried Jigglypuff, tears flowing down her cheeks, setting up the next bow. "I hate you, Pikachu!"

_Samus  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Samus shot her second arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch, again.

"Damn it!" screamed Samus.

"Go Samus!" cheered Fox happily.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Samus, running up and choking Fox.

_Yoshi  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Yoshi sat patiently behind Samus and Jigglypuff.

"…yeah…" said Yoshi.

A cheerleading squad walked past in their bikinis.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

"How can this be so stressful?" said Pikachu angrily, "Just shoot the damn arrows!"

"FINE!" screamed Jigglypuff frantically, picking up her bow and arrow with her shaky hands.

_Samus  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"Aim…" said Samus to herself, setting up her last arrow.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Look at me!" mocked Jigglypuff angrily, turning her back to the target, "I'm freaking Pikachu! I freaking think that aiming randomly will give me results!"

Jigglypuff let go of the arrow.

"I just randomly hit the bullseye!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Lah dee dah dee dah!"

Jigglypuff's arrow hit the bullseye.

Pikachu stared, astonished.

Jigglypuff turned around to see her arrow, on the bullseye.

"I mean…" said Jigglypuff happily blushing, "How quaint! Just like I aimed it! Ha, ha!"

Pikachu opened the clue.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Pikachu.

"Teams must now make their way on foot two hundred metres to Pit's House! This abode, Pit's childhood home is the seventh pit stop in a race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to check in… _may_ be eliminated."

"Oh, what a hearty team we are!" laughed Jigglypuff heartily, waddling towards the pit stop. "We get along so well!"

Muttered Pikachu lightly, "But I thought that you were angry at me…"

"I'm not angry at you!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

_Samus  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Samus hit the bullseye.

"I knew you could do it!" said Fox happily, "And it was all up to my moral support… no skill on your part at all!"

Fox grinned at Samus.

Samus stabbed Fox in the eye, and opened the clue. "Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House! The last team to check in may be eliminated."

…

"Fox?" said Samus.

Fox was on the ground, cowering in pain.

"Huh," said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Come on, Pikie! Run!" said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Come on, we can beat them!" said Samus, sprinting along.

"But I can't see!" moaned Fox, "You just stabbed me in the eye!"

"You can see!" said Samus angrily.

"No I can't! No I can't!" cried Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Come on, we can beat them…" said Jigglypuff, waddling along slowly along the marked path.

"Can you pick up your pace a bit?" said Pikachu angrily.

"I'm sorry!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "It's not _my fault_ that I have the slowest dash speed!"

_Script Format  
_Sakurai: (cackles evilly)

_Fox and Samus_

"We've got this, hon!" said Fox happily.

Samus stared at Fox angrily.

"My lady friend?" said Fox.

Samus stared at Fox angrily.

"Friend?" whimpered Fox.

Samus stared at Fox angrily.

"No one loves me!" cried Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Jigglypuff, I see them behind us!" said Pikachu, gasping.

_Fox and Samus_

"Come on, sprint!" said Samus, pointing to the Pokemon in front of them.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic _zooming_ camera angles.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu, spotting the pit stop in Pit's backyard, shuffled through the side gate of the property and shuffled towards the pit stop, thirty metres in front of them.

Fox and Samus sprinted from behind, gaining on the puffballs even further and dashing into the property.

Pikachu scampered onto the mat. Jigglypuff, several yards away, continued to shuffle slowly onto the mat.

Samus made a quick dash with ten metres to go and tumbled onto the mat.

Fox dashed for the mat but Jigglypuff calmly touched her toe on the mat just before Fox reached the pit stop.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "You're team number one!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

"And I have some good news for you…" said Master Hand happily, "You've both won… another bag of candy!"

Pikachu and Jigglypuff stared at Master Hand angrily.

"Okay… um…" said Master Hand, ad lib, "You guys have won a trip to… uh… a five star hotel in… uh… the alps…"

"_Not like we actually give out these prizes anyway,_" said Master Hand under his breath.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

"Fox and Samus, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.

Fox and Samus stood there, silent.

"…so uh…" said Master Hand, "Jigglypuff and Pikachu, I hear you guys have had a bit of a stumble in your relationship today…"

"Yeah," said Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

…

…

"…good work…" said Master Hand, "…Fox and Samus, you've been at the top of the pack for this whole race… we're more than halfway through now… do you think that you can keep at the front and win this race?"

"Yeah," said Fox and Samus.

…

…

"…well that's… just great…" said Master Hand, "It's been a pleasure interviewing you guys… your responses are so detailed and in-depth…"

Fox, Samus, Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at Master Hand.

…

"Bleeuch!" screamed Fox, vomiting on Master Hand's toes.

"_I hate this job_," said Master Hand angrily.

_Angel Land_

_8:00 Shuttle_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Knuckle Joe and I are the only ones on this shuttle," said Peach.

…

"…and she left me to die in the bear cave!" screamed Knuckle Joe angrily, "Stupid woman!"

"That's nice," said Peach.

"I can't believe I was nice to you this entire time!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"Oh… that's because I've been constantly sedating you for the last 24 hours!" said Peach happily, "You've been incredibly nice and subservient ever since!"

"Why you evil-"

Peach sedated Knuckle Joe.

Knuckle Joe collapsed. "I love you…" he said happily.

"Yes, yes you do…" said Peach evilly.

_2__nd__ Shuttle  
Arrived at 8:07 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Mewtwo.

"Oh! I'll do it! I'll do it!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

"Yeah, pfft, whatever…" said Falco.

"I've just trying to make this stupid race seem fun…" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Yeah… sure… go Mewtwo… go Mewtwo…" said Falco unenthusiastically.

A packet fell out of Falco's trench coat.

…

"…that's not… weed…" said Falco suspiciously.

…

…

_Bowser and Ness  
1__st__ on 8:20 Shuttle_

"Son… I think we're done for…" said Bowser, "Peach and Knuckle Joe are surely long gone…"

_Archery Range_

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"Run, Mewtwo!" said Falco.

"I'm trying!" said Mewtwo, carrying his bow and arrow in one hand as he ran along.

"Keep on going! Yoshi's running back!" said Falco.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"Great… we have company…" said Yoshi, brushing past Falco.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, Yoshi passing Mewtwo, "Run! Run!"

_Yoshi  
5__th__ Attempt_

Yoshi ran into the view of the camera, several dozen yards in front of Mewtwo and ran to his lane. He set up his bow and arrow.

_Mewtwo  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"Come on, hurry!" said Falco.

_Luigi  
9__th__ Attempt_

"Hurry up, slob!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Yoshi  
5__th__ Attempt_

"Concentrate…" said Yoshi, lining up his first arrow with the target.

Yoshi released, causing it to hit the bullseye.

"Yes!" cheered Yoshi, taking a clue.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Snake.

"Let's run!" said Yoshi.

_Mewtwo  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"They've got it already!" said Falco angrily, "Abuse your powers!"

Mewtwo abused his telekinesis to hit the target.

"Woo!" said Falco.

Some guy handed a clue to Mewtwo.

"Run while we're reading it!" said Mewtwo, taking off.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on, Snake! Run! Run!" said Yoshi, sprinting along.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way on foot…" read Mewtwo, sprinting along.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"You sure we're going the right way?" said Yoshi, jogging.

"Ask a local…" said Snake.

"Ma'am, are we going on the right way to Pit's House?" said Yoshi to a bystander.

"No," replied a woman, pointing in the opposite direction, "It's that way!"

"Darn it!" said Yoshi angrily, "This always happens to us!"

"I _know_," said some hot chick, stripping angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There it is!" said Falco, pointing to a rather angelic-looking house.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Snake manically, pointing to a rather sexy-looking house.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Oh no…" whimpered Falco, watching Snake gain on him, the human accountant just several metres behind him.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Falco!" laughed Snake manically, throwing a grenade at Falco, "More like… Falc-blow… Falcblowup!"

Snake cackled evilly as the grenade exploded, missing Falco's feet by inches.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I feel intimidated!" whimpered Falco, grenades exploding just before his feet.

"Stop being a wuss," said Mewtwo angrily, in front of Falco, "It's not that bad-"

A grenade exploded, severing Falco's leg.

"Ow!" screamed Falco.

"You'll be fine!" said Mewtwo, opening the side gate to Pit's house.

"Ow!" screamed Falco, moaning on the ground, bleeding.

_Pit Stop_

Mewtwo ran onto the mat, punching Yoshi in the jaw just before he stepped on the mat.

Yoshi tumbled to the side.

Snake ran onto the mat. "Yoshi!" he screamed.

Falco sprinted onto the mat.

"Yes!" cheered Falco.

"Mewtwo and Falco, you are… team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Huh," said Mewtwo.

"Snake and Yoshi, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"That's still good," said Yoshi, smiling, exhausted.

"Now Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand, "I heard that some other teams prevented you from catching the first rainbow boat out…"

"Yeah," said Mewtwo and Falco angrily.

…

…

"They did," added Falco angrily.

…

"…thanks for the insight into the race there, guys…" said Master Hand. "It's always so nice to have such exciting mat banter."

"Really?" said Falco happily.

"No," said Master Hand angrily.

"Are you a toilet?" asked Fox, leaning on Master Hand drunkenly, belt undone.

"Yes," said Master Hand sexily.

_4__th__ Shuttle  
Departed at 8:22 PM_

"Dad and I are the last team on a shuttle," said Ness, "And our only hope is that it's a non-elimination or someone stuffs up really bad…"

_3__rd__ Shuttle  
Arrived at 8:25 PM_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Peach.

"I do!" said Peach excitedly, "Any objections?"

"Actually…" said Knuckle Joe, "This task sounds exciting and I think that I'll benefit from-"

"Sure you will!" said Peach happily, sedating Knuckle Joe.

"Any objections now?" cackled Peach evilly.

Knuckle Joe, in his submissive state, did not detest.

"Yay!" cheered Peach.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place: On 5__th__ Shuttle_

"But Ness," said Bowser supportively, "If we ever get the chance… we're going to beat that stupid old lady and get her out of the race…"

_Peach  
On Road Block_

"Running is hard…" moaned Peach, slowly lugging along her archery equipment. "Knuckle Joe, mind giving some moral support here?"

Knuckle Joe didn't give any moral support as he was dead, probably from Peach's constant drugging of Knuckle Joe.

"He'll be fine!" said Peach happily.

No Peach, you actually drugged him so much he died.

_Bowser and Ness_

"This is actually horrendously nerve-wracking…" said Ness anxiously, "Some part of me still believes that we're in this race…"

_Peach  
1__st__ Attempt_

Peach threw the arrow at the archery target.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We're just healing my wounds right now…" said Bowser, wrapping his ankle in bandages, "I think it's going to be one big sprint from hereon."

_Peach  
Failed 1__st__ Attempt_

"Aww!" moaned Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Is that it?!" said Bowser, pointing to a marked flag in front of them.

_Peach  
Failed 2__nd__ Attempt_

"Darn it!" said Peach angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Bowser.

"I'll do it!" said Ness.

"Okay…" said Bowser, opening the rest of the clue, "Take three arrows and a bow and run to a near archery range! Hit the bullseye for your next clue! Run son, run!"

_Peach  
3__rd__ Attempt_

"Oh no!" said Peach, seeing Ness running towards her in the distance, "Hurry up, Peach, hurry up!"

_Ness  
On Road Block_

"Oh my gosh… that's Peach!" said Ness, shocked.

_Peach  
3__rd__ Attempt_

Peach aimed her bow. She released it, sending it shuttling into the bullseye.

"Yes!" cheered Peach.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Yes!" cheered Peach, opening the clue, "Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!"

Peach ran past Ness, "See you! Wouldn't wanna be you! You stupid doodie head!"

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Whatever," said Ness angrily, aiming his bow, "I'll beat you, you stupid moron…"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Come on, Knuckle Joe! Run!" screamed Peach to Knuckle Joe's rotting carcass.

The local police stood next to Knuckle Joe's body, staring at Peach angrily.

"Ooh! Are you here to arrest Knuckle Joe for being a midget?" laughed Peach, stomping on Knuckle Joe's corpse.

_In a police van…_

"What did I do?!" cried Peach.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser, catching up to his son, "You're doing well!"

"Peach and Knuckle Joe were just here!" said Ness, shocked.

"Come on, then, son! We can beat them!" cheered Bowser.

_Angel Land Police Station_

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"According to this autopsy…" said a policeman, looking on a file, "…he was-"

"Did you do the autopsy really quickly because he's short so there's less body area to cover?" joked Peach.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

Ness released his first arrow, hitting the target but missing the bullseye by half a foot or so.

"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"According to this autopsy," said the policeman, "He was poisoned to death by an overdose on a sedative. He then had his body stomped on several times, the sole marks on his face matching your shoes."

…

"Does this mean that I get let go?" said Peach, grinning.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

Ness released his second arrow, barely hitting the target.

"Come on, son! You're doing good!" cheered Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We're going to have to take a statement…" said the policeman.

"Oh boy!" said Peach happily, "Is this where I lie about killing Knuckle Joe?"

The policeman stared at Peach.

"Because I killed Knuckle Joe," said Peach.

The policeman stared at Peach.

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

Ness released his last arrow, missing the target.

"You did good, son! Try again! Sprint! Sprint!" said Bowser desperately.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"That's strange…" laughed the policeman, "…it appears that I don't have any pen or paper on me… it seems this place is too blissful for crime… let me just… slip out of the front door and leave it wide open for you for a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay," said Peach.

The policeman walked off.

_Ness  
On Road Block_

"Run, son! Run!" cheered Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Peach sat in an empty police station, the front door wide open.

_Ness  
On Road Block_

"I'm running as fast as I can for my dad…" said Ness, running along.

"Aww…" said the audience sweetly.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Hmm…" said Peach.

_Ness  
On Road Block_

"Got it!" said Ness, taking a second set of arrows.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"If only there were some way for me to escape and go to the pit stop…" said Peach, looking at the open door which was inviting her to escape.

_Ness  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser as Ness ran up to the lane with his new arrows, "You can do this!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Peach continued to stare at the open door.

"Hmm…" said Peach.

A light bulb appeared above Peach. "I know!" she said, "I can use my skull to create a hole in the window to escape!"

Peach started doing what she… previously described…

_Ness  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Ness shot his first arrow, several inches away from the bullseye.

"Come on, son, you're getting close!" cheered Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Peach continued to bash her bleeding skull against the window.

_Ness  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Ness shot his second arrow, hitting the bullseye.

"Yes!" cheered Bowser, pumping his fist into the air.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Bowser.  
"Come on, son… we're still in this…" said Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

Peach gasped.

"The door was open the whole time?!" screamed Peach.

…

"…which can only mean…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad! Push through!" cried Ness, walking along.

"I'm trying, son!" cried Bowser, pushing through the pain, jogging at the pace of a stroll through the streets of Angel Land.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"…which can only mean…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"You're doing great, dad!" said Ness hysterically, "Come on, Dad, push through it! Push through it!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"I can ESCAPE?!" screamed Peach, getting up and running through the door.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Where's Pit's House?" said Bowser to a local.

"Oh… go through the archery range and it's about two blocks once you go out that back gate…" said some random guy.

"Oh no, Dad!" screamed Ness, "We're going the wrong way!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Where's Pit's House?!" screamed Peach.

"Right there!" said a local.

"Got it!" cheered Peach, running through the front door.

_Bowser and Ness_

"This is where we just were, son!" whimpered Bowser.

"It's only two blocks, Dad!" said Ness, "We're still in it! Peach got taken away! We might still have a chance!"

_Pit Stop_

Peach ran onto the mat.

"Peach and Knuckle J-" said Master Hand, "Where's your partner?" he said angrily.

"Uh… here…" said Peach, pointing to nothing.

"Get your partner!" said Master Hand angrily.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We've made it, Dad! Two hundred metres to go!" said Ness, pointing to a sign.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Knuckle Joe! Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach hysterically.

"…that's right… I killed him…" said Peach.

"I need to get his corpse!" screamed Peach hysterically.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Is that Peach?!" said Ness, shocked, pointing to the princess, running through the road in front of them.

"Son, Knuckle Joe's here!" said Bowser.

"Beat Knuckle Joe in a footrace!" screamed Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Knuckle Joe! Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach hysterically, "You can come back now! Joke's over! Ha! Ha!"

Nothing happened.

"IFURWSHIGROGEINREIOGN!" screamed Fox, vomiting on Peach's shoes.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Run, son!" said Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"I need a replacement Knuckle Joe! Where do I get a replacement Knuckle Joe?!" screamed Peach hysterically.

Peach looked at a nearby shop.

"DeDeDe Kingdom?!" said Peach excitedly, "Angel Land's number one place for Kirby-related merchandise?!"

_Bowser and Ness_

"I think Peach went onto the pit stop but there's no sign of Knuckle Joe!" said Ness, jogging along, "Let's do this, Dad!"

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"How much for this Knuckle Joe lifesize plush toy?" said Peach to a man at the counter.

"Three bucks," said the man.

"Oh yeah?" said Peach angrily, "For this ridiculous price, I'll only pay you in pennies!"

"One…" said Peach, putting a penny on the counter.

_Bowser and Ness_

"One hundred metres to go!" cheered Ness.

"I can't hold out much longer…" moaned Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Seventy-eight…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Dad… come on!" begged Ness, "It's a hundred metres! You know how much the race means to us… as a father and son pair? It means the world!"

"Aww," said the audience.

"You're right, son!" said Bowser, teary-eyed, "I'm going to run as fast as I can to the pit stop! I'm going to give it my all!"

"Yeah!" cheered Ness, motivated.

"I'm going to run the hardest I ever have!" said Bowser happily.

"Yeah!" cheered Ness.

"I'm going to sprint full out!" said Bowser.

"Yeah!" cheered Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Two hundred and fifty-five…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"I'm going to be the world's best dad!" cheered Bowser.

"Yeah!" cheered Ness.

"I'm gonna make everyone proud!" cheered Bowser.

"Yeah!" cheered Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Two hundred and sixty-five…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"I'm gonna be a super turtle!" cheered Bowser.

"Uh… yeah…" said Ness.

"I'm gonna fully be a professional athlete and beat everyone!" cheered Bowser.

"Dad… maybe we should uh… go…" said Ness.

"I'm gonna be-" cheered Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Two hundred and ninety…" said Peach.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Dad…" said Ness uncertainly, "Maybe we should like… go now…"

"I'm trying to be inspirational!" roared Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Two hundred and ninety-nine…" said Peach.

…

"Three hundred!" cheered Peach.

Peach took the Knuckle Joe soft toy.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad!" screamed Ness angrily, dragging his father.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"Run! Run!" screamed Peach to the soft toy, running out of the shop and onto the street.

_Bowser and Ness_

Bowser and Ness saw Peach sprinting towards them from their right. They looked left and saw Pit's house, less than a hundred metres away.

"RUN!" screamed Ness and Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"There's that stupid idiot, Knuckle Joe!" said Peach angrily, gaining on Bowser.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad!" said Ness anxiously, clearing the short fences of Pit's House.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"I'm coming to get you!" screamed Peach angrily, several metres behind Bowser.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad! The final stretch!" cried Ness.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe_

"We're gonna beat you!" said Peach angrily.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Peach and Knuckle Joe, an inch in front of Bowser spotted the mat in their final stretch. Peach, pumping her arms quickly in an attempt to increase speed, gained a foot on the father and son team.

The mat neared the hopelessly desperate two teams of two, Peach and Knuckle Joe still marginally ahead.

Noting the mat was just metres away, Bowser attempted to latch on to Peach in an attempt to stop her.

He failed, and ripped off a segment of her dress.

Peach tripped and tumbled onto the mat, Knuckle Joe flying out of her arms.

Knuckle Joe landed half an inch off the pit stop.

Ness ran onto the mat.

"Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach desperately.

Bowser ran onto the mat.

"Yes!" cheered Ness.

"Good work, son…" said Bowser, exhausted.

"Bowser and Ness, you are… team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Yeah!" cheered Bowser.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe…" said Master Hand.

Master Hand noticed Peach was holding a Knuckle Joe soft toy.

"…do you think I'm an idiot!" said Master Hand angrily.

"…yeah…" said Peach.

"Peach," said Master Hand angrily, "You cannot check in with a replica of your teammate."

"…um…" said Peach.

"As this is an elimination leg and a check-in with that item would be illegal…" said Master Hand, "For the second time in the history of The Smashy Amazing Race, we have a team at the pit stop which has one member missing."

Peach smiled hopefully at Master Hand.

"Therefore, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the last team to arrive…" said Master Hand, "…and you have been eliminated from the race."

"WHAT?!" cried Peach, "How could this possibly be?!"

"You're a moron," said Master Hand.

"I thought we were still in!" cried Peach. "I thought we were still in!"

"You're a moron," said Master Hand.

"This is so horrible… this sucks!" cried Peach.

The End.

Um… and now to cheer you guys up… here's a…

**Deleted Scene!**

"OH MY GOSH!" screamed a lady at the reception desk, "THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED! THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED!"

Everyone ran out, screaming as the Wigglytuff started to slit everyone's throats.

"Weird…" said Pikachu, opening the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"

Pikachu had his throat slit.

"Weird…" said Jigglypuff, picking up the clue.

The Wigglytuff attempted to slit Jigglypuff's throat.

"Take a chariot to Paletuna's…" read Jigglypuff.

The Wigglytuff took out a second knife and kept cutting.

"…haha, more like Pit-etuna's Palace!" joked Jigglypuff.

"Hey, that's pretty funny!" said Wigglytuff, laughing.

"Hey, thanks Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff happily, "Let's go!"

Wigglytuff and Jigglypuff hopped off into the sunset.

_Six hours of duty-free shopping later…_

"Wait!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"What, hun?" said Wigglytuff.

"I left my wallet!" screamed Jigglypuff, "…at Macy's!"

"Guuuh…" said Pikachu's zombie corpse.

Jigglypuff woke up.

"It was all just a dream!" she said happily.

"Guuuh…" said Pikachu's zombie corpse.

"TIN-GLE!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

**Finish Times:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 7:56 PM

Fox and Samus: 7:57 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 8:19 PM

Snake and Yoshi: 8:20 PM

Bowser and Ness: 9:02 PM

**Peach and Knuckle Joe: Did Not Check In – Eliminated**

Sorry for the ending of this chapter being… so weird. Review, and tell us: who your favourite team is, who your least favourite team is, who you think will win, who you think will be out next, who you think will win the Democratic Nomination?! All errors in reviews, please!

And thanks for all of your reviews… all of them are appreciated, although I tend not to reply! Everything's taken… into account?!

Bye?!


	8. Eat My Thighs First!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, six teams set out on the seventh leg on a race around the world!" said Master Hand.

"To get to their next destination, Angel Land, teams had to book a charter rainbow boat on which limited seats were available! Mewtwo and Falco, having played a dirty trick on the leg before… were shunted out of the front of the pack!"

"_I guess playing dirty doesn't always work!" taunted Ness, handing Mewtwo the clipboard._

"Teams arrived in Angel Land, where Jigglypuff was amazed by the location!"

"_Wow, this place is great!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to several men nearby in a communal bath. _

"But Jigglypuff and Pikachu had some relationship problems, holding them up at a clue!"

_Said Pikachu, "What the hell's that supposed to mean? You're a deluded old lady you!"_

_Jigglypuff sniffed._

_Jigglypuff burst into tears. "Waaah!" she cried._

…

_Jigglypuff threw the straw at Pikachu._

"_I hate you! I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I'm never going to be with you… …ever again!"_

"Fox and Samus and Snake and Yoshi braved a detour choice where… teams had to… be brave! This choice involved fighting trained warriors and beasts in an attempt to escape a Coliseum!"

"_Don't let them put you off…" said Snake, the beasts coming closer and closer. "Just focus on your first move…"_

_The beasts were about twenty metres away._

"_TAKE HIM!" screamed Snake, throwing Yoshi towards the warriors, Snake bailing and running back to the dungeons._

"Teams travelled on a chariot to Paletuna's Palace, where one team member from each team had to shoot a bullseye!"

_Samus released the second arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch again._

"_Errg," said Samus angrily._

"_Go Samus! Go Samus!" cheered Fox from the sideline._

"Jigglypuff took her time… much to Pikachu's frustration!"

"_Hurry up, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily._

"_Aiming, sweetie!" sung Jigglypuff happily, focusing on the target._

"_Well at least hurry up!" said Pikachu angrily._

"_Ai-ming!" sung Jigglypuff happily._

"…this eventually erupted into an even worse problem!"

"_Uh! Huh! Huh!" cried Jigglypuff hysterically, making involuntary spasm-like horse neighing noises._

_Jigglypuff missed the target by several metres._

"_See what you've made me done?" cried Jigglypuff, tears flowing down her cheeks, setting up the next bow. "I hate you, Pikachu!"_

"But Jigglypuff's luck pulled her through the challenge…"

_Jigglypuff let go of the arrow._

"_I just randomly hit the bullseye!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Lah dee dah dee dah!"_

_Jigglypuff's arrow hit the bullseye._

_Pikachu stared, astonished._

"…and landed her team in first place!"

"_Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "You're team number one!"_

"_Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu._

"Bowser and Ness, twenty minutes behind second-last place team Peach and Knuckle Joe, contemplated elimination!"

"_Dad and I are the last team on a shuttle," said Ness, "And our only hope is that it's a non-elimination or someone stuffs up really bad…"_

"But Peach and Knuckle Joe fell behind, after a brush with the law!" said Master Hand.

_The local police stood next to Knuckle Joe's body, staring at Peach angrily._

"_Ooh! Are you here to arrest Knuckle Joe for being a midget?" laughed Peach, stomping on Knuckle Joe's corpse._

"…after her escape, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Bowser and Ness had a tense footrace to the pit stop!"

"_Come on, Dad! The final stretch!" cried Ness._

"_We're gonna beat you!" said Peach angrily._

"But it was Peach, after murdering her own teammate that got her disqualified from the race!"

"_For the second time in the history of The Smashy Amazing Race, we have a team at the pit stop which has one member missing," said Master Hand, "Therefore, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the last team to arrive… …and you have been eliminated from the race."_

"Five teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?" said Master Hand.

**The Teams:  
**Bowser and Ness (_Mother and Daughter_)

Falco and Mewtwo (_Civil Disobedience in Training_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_De-Facto Digimon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Masters_)

Fox and Samus (_Failures_)

"This is Angel Land… literally… a slice of heaven!" said Master Hand, "This blissful place is also the seventh pit stop in a race around the world!"

A shot of Jigglypuff and Snake sneakily placing venomous, deadly animals on a sleeping Bowser played in the background.

"Teams stayed at Pit's House for a mandatory twelve hour pit stop, where teams would eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams!" said Master Hand. "Can Pikachu and Jigglypuff, despite their constant bickering, focus and stay in first place? How will Falco and Mewtwo react from their rejection from the front of the pack by their fellow teams? And can Bowser and Ness, the only team left that consistently places in the bottom three, finally get into a rhythm and dig themselves out of last place?"

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were the first team to arrive at 7:56 PM, will depart at 7:56 AM!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 7:56 AM_

Pikachu opened the clue. "Fly to Goldenrod City, Johto and find the Goldenrod Bike Shop!"

"Teams must now fly over two thousand kilometres to Goldenrod City, Johto!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive in this popular Pokemon Destination, they must travel thirty-two kilometres to this bike shop and search through the complex for their next clue!"

"Yay! We're going back to the homeland!" cheered Jigglypuff, "Isn't this so exciting?"

"Not really…" said Pikachu, "I mean… going back there is basically reminding myself of those twenty years of torture I had to go through as a Pokemon… all of that unnecessary training and abuse that I had to put myself through…"

"Oh… lighten up…" said Jigglypuff, "Besides… I hear there's a new water fun park there! Why… it might be some fun!"

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu.

A seven minute montage of Jigglypuff and Pikachu experiencing the rides played on the screen.

"What ride shall we go on next?" said Jigglypuff happily, covered in sunblock, reading a park map, "The T… Johto's only tornado-like water ride… or the mysterious WC?"

Jigglypuff made some spooky motions with her hands.

"Jigglypuff," said Pikachu, "That's a wash cupboard… it means it's a toilet."

…

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus  
2__nd__ to depart: 7:57 AM_

Samus grabbed the clue.

"Wait!" said Fox desperately, "…before we open the clue… I must read this poem to you…"

Samus sighed.

Fox cleared his throat and took out a napkin with biro ink all over it. "The top ten reasons why I love Samus… number one… you are so beautiful…"

…

"Number two… I love the way that your hair blossoms in the wind…" said Fox romantically.

…

"Number three… when I have my own happy time," said Fox, "I always… always and only… think of you."

…

Added Fox, looking up from the poem, "By the way, 'my own happy time' is referring to the process in which I vigorously-"

"NO! SHUT UP!" screamed Samus, taken out a bread knife and cutting a deep hole in Fox's chest area, reaching in and removing his heart.

"AAAAH!" screamed Fox, falling to the ground, dying.

"Huh," said Samus.

…

"Wait!" screamed Samus anxiously, "I never heard what happened in Fox's happy time!"

Samus had a nervous breakdown.

_Angel Land Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Wow…" said Pikachu, walking with Jigglypuff into the Kanto Airlines ticket desk, "This is going to take a long time…"

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Hey guys…" said Fox, lining up behind Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
3__rd__ to depart: 8:19 AM_

"Fly to Goldenrod City, Johto and find the Goldenrod Bike Shop!" read Falco, "You have 27 dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's go," said Mewtwo.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"I don't know about you, Mewtwo," said Falco confidently, "But I'm in it to win it!"

"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "More like, you're in it to be gay…"

…

"Because you like men," said Mewtwo.

…

…

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ to depart: 8:20 AM_

"Fly to Goldenrod City, Johto and find the Goldenrod Bike Shop!" read Snake.

"Let's go!" said Yoshi happily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Despite what you may see on the camera," said Yoshi, "Snake's actually a really good guy… he has this sense of care that you won't find in many other people-"

"DIE! DIE!" screamed Snake, laughing manically, gunning down a nearby homeless shelter.

The tape cut out.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"De- de- despite…" said Yoshi, trembling, his torso covered in blood because Snake wiped the blood of the men in poverty that stained his shirt onto him, "De- de- despite… what you may… see on the camera…"

Snake held a gun threateningly to Yoshi's head, Yoshi laughing nervously.

"He's a… a… a great guy!" said Yoshi, laughing manically.

"He's a great guy! He's a great guy!" laughed Yoshi crazily.

_Angel Land Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu reached the Kanto Air counter. "Hey," said Pikachu, "Can we have the fastest flight to Goldenrod City?"

"Okay…" replied the agent, typing into a computer, "There's a 2:00 PM flight that arrives in Johto at 8:30 AM."

"Okay, we'll take that," said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus  
On 2:00 Kanto Air Flight_

"We're on the same flight as the Pokemon," said Samus.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Wow… these lines are going to take a long time…" said Yoshi, walking into the Kanto Air queue.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"This is gonna take a while," said Falco, resting on his bag.

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 9:02 AM_

"Fly to Goldenrod City, Johto and find the Goldenrod Bike Shop!" read Ness.

"That's awesome!" said Bowser excitedly, "We finally get to see Pokemon! Real Pokemon!"

"You… do realise we've been racing with five other Pokemon… right?" said Ness.

"Oh," said Bowser.

…

"Well," said Bowser happily, "…at least this will be the first time I'll get to meet a _Squirtle!_"

Bowser squeaked excitedly.

_Angel Land Airport_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Fox and Samus sat in an airport coffee shop, leaning back and relaxing as they sipped their little plastic cups.

"We're hanging with Jigglypuff and Pikachu in the airport before our flight," said Fox to the camera, grinning, "I think they're a couple of cool guys! They appreciate me and my jokes, unlike _some people!_"

Fox stared angrily at Samus.

"Fox, they don't even understand English," said Samus angrily, "They're just babbling away in their incoherent languages while you tell your humourless anecdotes and pretend that their laughter is caused by your awful jokes!"

"Oh yeah?" said Fox angrily.

Fox looked at Jigglypuff and Pikachu and smiled uncomfortably hard. "Hey guys! I have a joke!"

"What's he talking about?" said Pikachu to Jigglypuff.

"I dunno," said Jigglypuff, "Let's just stare at him and listen intently!"

"Okay…" said Fox, snickering, "A midget got pick-pocketed the other day… how could anyone stoop so low?"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu looked at each other. "What's he saying?" said Pikachu, scratching his head.

"I dunno," said Jigglypuff, flicking through her phrasebook. "Something about a body…"

"Oh! Bodies are fun!" laughed Pikachu, "Remember when we disposed of Fox's father's body?"

"Yeah!" laughed Jigglypuff, "But remember… we put him through the blender just before an end to his splendour!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu chuckled heartily at their bafuffling jousting.

"See?" said Fox to Samus, poking his tongue out.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We're in the Kanto Air queue, and it's just taking forever," said Yoshi, "I think this is going to be a long leg…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We have to do something about this queue," said Falco, leaning on his trolley.

"Borrow someone's phone," said Mewtwo.

"Hey, can I borrow your phone?" said Falco to a nearby businessman.

"Sorry," said the man, his cell phone placed on one ear, "I'm busy talking-"

Falco took his phone and called the airline. "Hello?" said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"This line is really long, Dad," said Ness, stepping into the Kanto Air queue.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Falco's speaking over the phone right now," said Mewtwo to the camera.

"There's only a few seats left for the 2:00?" said Falco, "Well… can I get another flight to Kanto on this airline?"

Falco pressed the phone closer to his ear. "Okay, can you put two tickets on the 2:00 PM flight under Falco Lombardi?"

"Ha, ha," laughed Mewtwo, "What a cute surname."

"Shut up, Mewtwo Schneebly!" said Falco angrily.

Mewtwo cried.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We're suspicious of Mewtwo and Falco, they're up to something… we can't see them…" said Ness.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
3__rd__ on 2:00 Kanto Air Flight_

"We're now on the 2:00 flight," said Falco smugly, "Snake and Yoshi and Bowser and Ness don't know about booking over the phone, so… we're doing good."

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Hey, is that Mewtwo and Falco?" said Ness, pointing to a bird and a psychic bird briskly walking across the terminal towards them.

"Yeah, it is," said Bowser. "Hey!"

"We got tickets already…" said Falco, walking past, "There's heaps of seats on the 6:00 flight! Stay here! We'll all be on the same flight!"

"Thanks, bud!" said Bowser happily.

Mewtwo and Falco walked past.

"I don't trust those guys…" said Ness.

"Yeah," said Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"So can we get any tickets on the airline?" said Snake.

"We can get you onto the standby list for the 2:00 flight, but I'm guessing right now you'll get on the 6:00 one," said the agent.

"We'll take that, then," said Snake.

_2:00 Kanto Air Flight_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We're on the first flight with Fox and Samus," said Jigglypuff happily, "But it hasn't left… I think everyone else is desperate to get on standby…"

_Standby Counter_

Snake and Yoshi waited anxiously at the standby counter.

The gate agent walked up to them.

Dramatic music played.

"No seats are to be given out!" said the gate agent cheerfully.

"Damn it!" said Snake angrily.

_1__st__ Flight  
Departed at 2:06 PM_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"To the first flight!" said Jigglypuff happily, holding up a champagne glass.

Turbulence caused the plane to shake, spilling the champagne over Jigglypuff.

…

"…hey!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Last Flight  
Departed at 6:12 PM_

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're almost done for, Snake," said Yoshi.

"All teams are now flying to Goldenrod City through two separate flights!" said Master Hand. "On the first flight, landing at 8:30 AM is Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Fox and Samus and Mewtwo and Falco! Snake and Yoshi and Bowser and Ness are on the second flight, landing at 12:30 PM!"

_Goldenrod City_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 8:34 AM _

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Awesome, first out," said Mewtwo, hopping into a taxi.

"Hey! We have a Clefairy taxi driver!" commented Falco happily.

"That's a… Munchlax…" said Mewtwo, "Driving our taxi…"

"Pfft, all Pokemon are the same," laughed Falco.

…

"…they're all so stupid…" laughed Falco under his breath.

Munchlax and Mewtwo stared at Falco angrily.

"He said it!" said Falco desperately, pointing to Munchlax.

Mewtwo beat Munchlax up with his sharp claws, causing nobody to control the taxi and send it heading towards what seemed to be the edge of a very steep cliff.

"Heh, heh," laughed Falco smugly.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Wow, it's so great to be back in the homeland!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yeah," said Pikachu nervously, "I just don't… really like taking taxis in this city, that's all!"

Their Wigglytuff taxi driver gave Pikachu an angry look.

"Look! You've annoyed the Wigglytuff!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Way to hurt her feelings!"

"I'm just saying!" said Pikachu angrily, "The pink foil covering the entire front windshield is kinda… obscuring your vision and jeopardising our safety!"

"Oh! I think the foil is nice!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Yeah!" said Wigglytuff angrily.

They crashed into a building.

…

"…ow," said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Wow, this city is great!" said Fox happily, admiring the Pokemon gyms and buildings they passed as they sped through the highway.

"Poliwhirl!" said their Poliwhirl taxi driver.

"Hey Poliwhirl," said Fox sexily to their Poliwhirl taxi driver, "…would you like to… Poliwhirl my… privates?"

"No," said the taxi driver.

…

…

"Please?" said Fox, undoing his zipper.

Poliwhirl pushed Fox out of the taxi.

"I'm never trusting Pokemon again!" cursed Fox angrily, standing up onto the highway.

A Clefairy driving a steamroller approached Fox.

"Oh Clefairy…" said Fox sexily, "You really do… roll me over…"

The Clefairy drove over Fox, who was standing in the middle of the road.

"EDIYWQBUI!" screamed Fox, dying.

_Goldenrod Bike Shop_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Wait here!" said Falco, jumping out of his taxi.

They walked into the bike shop.

"Find the clue…" said Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Clue time!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

Jigglypuff opened a door, and spotted the clue box.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, opening the clue.

"Detour!" read Jigglypuff, "Beat 'Em or Eat 'Em?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, in this detour: Beat 'Em, or Eat 'Em!"  
"In 'Beat 'Em', teams must take a tandem bike from the shop they are in and race two Pokemon on another Tandem bike through a fourteen kilometre course! This task may seem intimidating, but most of the competitors they will face have either never ridden a bike before or are physically inept!"  
"However, if teams are uncoordinated enough to lose, they must double back and ride back to the starting point for their next clue!"  
"In Eat 'Em, teams must walk one hundred metres to this eatery and participate in a traditional local banquet where Pokemon eat other Pokemon! To receive their next clue they must eat four local delicacies: Chilli Con Cacnea, Clefairy Taco, Spinda Spring Rolls and Wigglytuff Bread! Teams of course, have no idea what they are eating beforehand."

"Ooh! Let's eat a local delicacy!" said Jigglypuff and Pikachu excitedly in unison.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh, damn it," said Falco, running back and taking a clue from the front of the store. "Detour! Beat 'Em or Eat 'Em?"

"Let's eat," said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Let's do a bike ride!" cheered Fox.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Eat 'Em_

"Uh…" said Pikachu, pointing to the restaurant sign, "I'm… not so sure about this task anymore…"

"Relax!" said Jigglypuff, "You're just being a wuss!"

"Uh… have you seen the sign?" said Pikachu uncertainly.

"Whatever! Let's be adventurous!" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Eat 'Em_

Mewtwo and Falco sat down.

"Mmm," said Falco loudly to Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were sitting across from them, "I do sure hope that they serve us some Jigglypuff Ribs and some Pikachu Soup!"

Mewtwo and Falco laughed heartily.

"…what are they talking about?" said Jigglypuff.

"Uh… Jigglypuff… you do realise that in this restaurant… they're serving Pokemon, right?" said Pikachu.

"Oh, Pikachu! You're such a kidder!" laughed Jigglypuff heartily.

_Bike Race_

_Fox and Samus  
On Beat 'Em_

"Ready…" said some random guy with a pistol, "Set…"

The guy shot the pistol.

The two teams, Fox and Samus and two Psyducks on their respective tandem bikes, set off from the starting line of the bike course.

Fox and Samus, several metres in front of the Psyducks pedalled along smoothly.

"So…" said Fox sexily, pedalling at the back of the bike, "…I'm behind you… maybe this could lead into some…"

Fox panted sexily, "Back… door…"

Samus elbowed Fox in the face, sending him falling off the bike and breaking his teeth on the ground.

"Hah, hah, hah," laughed Samus heartily, stopping the bike.

The two Psyducks passed Samus's bike.

"Damn it!" said Samus angrily.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Eat 'Em_

"First course… Chilli Con Cacnea!" said the waiter, serving out two dishes onto the table.

"Ooh! What's in this?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Cacnea. It's a Pokemon," said Pikachu bluntly.

"Oh Pikachu, you're such a kidder!" laughed Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Eat 'Em_

"Come on, chew down hard," said Falco, violently forcing the spicy dish down his throat.

_Bike Race_

_Fox and Samus  
On Beat 'Em_

"Come on, Samus!" cheered Fox, "We can catch up!"

Fox and Samus pedalled hard, catching up to be side-to-side with the two Psyducks.

Samus elbowed one of the Psyducks in the face, causing their bike to fall over.

"Hah, hah, hah!" chuckled Samus heartily.

They crashed into a tree.

"Damn it!" said Samus angrily.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 2__nd__ Course_

"We're done," said Falco.

"Good job, we're miles ahead of the Pokemon."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 1__st__ Course_

"Come on, Jigglypuff, chew hard," said Pikachu supportively.

Mewtwo and Falco's second course came out, Clefairy Taco.

"What's that?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Clefairy Taco," said the waiter.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff, worried, "I'm not sure this joke's that funny anymore…"

"We're eating Pokemon," said Pikachu.

"Stop fooling around!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Bike Race_

_Fox and Samus  
On Beat 'Em_

"We're about half a kilometre in front of them," said Samus happily, "I think we've basically got this in the bag…"

The wind blew a newspaper onto Samus's face, blinding her.

"Damn it!" said Samus angrily.

"Dude, just… remove it," said Fox.

"I'll remove you!" said Samus angrily, unseating Fox.

"Ow!" screamed Fox, falling onto the ground and getting run over.

Samus didn't have a partner.

"Damn it!" said Samus angrily.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 2__nd__ Course_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu got served their Clefairy Taco.

"That looks like Clefairy…" said Jigglypuff uncomfortably, "…I don't like eating things that resemble Pokemon… take it away!"

"Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily, "We've been eating Pokemon, okay?"

"It's not funny anymore!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 3__rd__ Course_

"Mmm, these spring rolls are nice," said Falco, chomping away. "Who knew how easy this task could be?"

_Bike Race_

_Fox and Samus  
On Beat 'Em_

"Here's the finish!" said Fox excitedly.

They crossed the finish line.

"Hurrah," said Samus in a monotonous, low voice, taking the clue.

"Take a taxi to Goldenrod Department Store!" read Samus, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Teams must now go to this department store, where they will find their next clue!" said Master Hand, "Here is the fourth of five yields on the race, in which a team can stop another team for a predetermined amount of time! When teams choose to yield another team, the yielded team must flip over this hourglass and stop racing until it runs out! Teams may only use their yield power once, so they must decide when it is most applicable!"

"Let's get a taxi," said Samus.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 4__th__ Course_

"Here's your final dish… Wigglytuff bread!" said the waiter.

The waiter presented a dish with a raw Wigglytuff on it, a piece of cheap white bread buttered onto its belly.

"We're supposed to eat that?!" said Mewtwo, outraged.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 3__rd__ Course_

"We're eating _**POKEMON?!**_" screamed Jigglypuff, outraged.

"…uh… yeah…" said Pikachu.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" cried Jigglypuff, "You mean I've been eating Clefairy and Cacnea this whole time?"

"…uh… yeah…" said Pikachu.

"I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I quit!"

Pikachu sighed.

Jigglypuff quickly nibbled on her spring rolls a bit more.

…

Jigglypuff ate up her whole plate.

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Downtown Goldenrod City_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We just looked at a local map," said Samus angrily, sitting in her taxi, "And the other teams only have to travel two kilometres to this store, we have to travel sixteen. We might get yielded, who knows?"

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 4__th__ Course_

"This is kinda… gross…" said Falco, munching down on the fresh blood and flesh of the now dead Wigglytuff.

They finished.

"Dude..." said Mewtwo, "you just ate raw meat..."

"OMG BLOOD!!1" cried Falco, swooning.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Take a taxi to Goldenrod Department Store!" read Falco, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Let's yield somebody," said Mewtwo, "This is our leg to shine!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 4__th__ Course_

"Actually, this is kinda nice!" said Jigglypuff, eating away at the Wigglytuff.

"Eat my thighs first!" said Wigglytuff happily, "It's the juciest and tenderest-"

The Wigglytuff died from blood loss.

"Nooo!" cried Jigglypuff, "I never found out why I needed to get the thighs first!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I cannot see a taxi in ages," said Falco angrily, jogging down the street in search of a cab.

_Fox and Samus_

"We just have to hope we get to this place first, and yield somebody…" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 4__th__ Course_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu finished.

Pikachu took the clue. "Take a taxi to Goldenrod Department Store! Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Darn it! I wish we hadn't yielded Link all those legs ago!" said Jigglypuff, running along.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"_**There's**_ a freaking cab!" said Falco angrily, getting into a taxi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, hopping into a taxi. "Take us to Goldenrod Department Store!"

_Fox and Samus_

They drove past the bike store.

"Hey! That's where we just were!" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"That's… another team in front of us!" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Oh my gosh! Our taxi driver sucks!" said Mewtwo angrily, "Freaking turn left already!"

"Fine!" said the taxi driver, shooting the red and sneaking a left turn in.

_Fox and Samus_

"Oh my… that's Jigglypuff and Pikachu behind us," said Fox.

"Who says, 'oh my?'" said Samus angrily. "Oh my gosh! It is them!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"It's gonna be another yield race!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"That's Jigglypuff's cab in front of us!" said Falco, shocked.

"We can outrun these guys!" said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus_

"Wait! Is that another team?" said Fox, pointing two cabs back.

"Just run!" said Samus, "We're getting out soon!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There's another team!" said Jigglypuff, pointing behind.

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus jumped out.

"Run! Run!" screamed Fox, sprinting.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We can outrun these guys!" said Falco, sprinting towards Fox and Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Come on, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, being passed by Mewtwo and Falco.

_Fox and Samus_

"The yield's upstairs!" said Fox excitedly, pointing to a mat at the stop of a fancy spiral staircase.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're gonna beat you guys!" said Falco, running up the stairs next to Fox and Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu hopped into an elevator.

_Yield_

Lots of fancy camera angles.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu emerged from the lift. They took a '1' counter and stood on the mat.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We've used our Yield powers before, so we can't yield!" said Jigglypuff.

Falco, inches in front of Samus, sprinted towards the yield mat, fumbled, and took a '2' counter.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We choose to yield Fox and Samus!" said Falco, posting his name on the board.

"I hate you guys!" said Fox angrily.

"We're evil, that's what we do," laughed Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Drive to Violet Gym!" read Jigglypuff.

"Teams must now take a marked car from the car park and drive forty-seven kilometres to this place, Violet Gym!" said Master Hand. "Once here, they must find their clue outside the front door!"

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Drive to Violet Gym!" read Falco.

"See ya, suckers!" said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Yielded_

"Oh, this is annoying," said Fox angrily.

"Don't worry, they haven't won a leg yet," said Samus, "They've used both of their opportunities already and failed… they'll be out of this race soon…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We got to the mat first, which is lucky," said Pikachu, hopping into their car, "We've been lucky with Yields… we shouldn't have used our power that early."

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"This basically makes it a two way fight between us and the puffballs," said Mewtwo.

_Johto Airport_

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed at 12:40 PM_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We just got out of the airport before Snake and Yoshi," said Bowser, panting, "We have to get any edge we can now, it's fierce…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're in last place right now…" said Yoshi, "But we're basically… just against an old guy and his kid so we can beat them any day."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We're pretty familiar with this area," said Pikachu, driving along, wearing his sunglasses, "I've actually done this drive before from Goldenrod to Violet, so… I think we'll be there pretty quickly…"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Now that we've Yielded one team, we have to beat the Pokemon for first place," said Mewtwo, driving along.

"I wonder how those guys are going?" said Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Drive to Violet Gym!" read Fox.

"Let's use the internet to get directions…" said Samus.

_Goldenrod Bike Shop_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Snake, "Beat 'Em or Eat 'Em?"

"Hmm…" said Yoshi, "This is going to be a tough one…"

"I've an idea!" said Snake proudly, holding up an electronic device with a screen, "We shall use this electronic Magic 8-Ball to decipher which task to do!"

"But-"

"Hush hush, Yoshi," said Snake in an English accent, "We shall listen to the wisdom of the Magic 8-Ball!"

"But-"

"Be quiet…" said Snake, looking around shiftily, "…I must ask the question into the magic 8-ball. Oh, wise Magic 8-Ball, point us to which task we shall do!"

Snake pressed a button.

"YES?!" screamed Snake dramatically.

Dramatic music played.

"But-" said Yoshi.

"ARE YOU DENYING THE POWER OF THE MAGIC 8-BALL?!" screamed Snake, his rabies causing his mouth to foam.

"…y… yes?" said Yoshi, cowering into a corner.

"Then I only have one choice…" said Snake dramatically, taking out his gun.

Snake shot Yoshi.

…

"Hah, hah," laughed Snake, "…what a hearty joke."

…

"Yoshi," laughed Snake, "You can get up now."

…

"Yoshi?" chuckled Snake.

Yoshi didn't move.

"WAKE UP, BITCH!" screamed Snake, shooting Yoshi several times in the abdomen.

_Goldenrod Internet Cafe_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"I'm using a site called 'PokeMaps' to print out directions on where we want to go," said Samus, "All I know is that the maps here are-"

"YES! YES!" screamed Fox, looking slyly at another computer, "Strip, baby! Strip!"

"What the hell are you doing, Fox?" said Samus angrily.

"Oh…" said Fox slyly, "Just using… the _cyberspace_… and using _cybersites_ on the _cyberscreen_ to chat on _weblogs_ to hot babes on _web cameras_," said Fox, sounding all technical, stroking the fur on his chin slyly as he looked at Samus.

…

"…you have no idea how to use the internet, do you?" said Samus.

"No!" cried Fox, "I'm stuck on Google!"

_Johto Highway_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We're almost there…" said Pikachu, pointing to a sign on the side of the highway.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We just caught up to the puffballs and we're just tailing them," said Falco.

_Fox and Samus_

"Traffic's banked up on that highway," said Samus, pointing to the traffic-jammed highway on their right. "We're using some side streets and I think we'll get there quicker."

_Goldenrod Bike Shop_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's Eat 'Em! I love to eat!" said Bowser, patting his stomach happily. "I consume video game heroes day in and day out!"

"Dad, you're a vegan!" said Ness.

"I'm trying to maintain my hardcore image!" said Bowser angrily, "And besides, you're going to be eating everything!"

Quizzed Ness, "What do you mean, I'm going to eat everything?"

"Like so!" said Bowser, shoving a bike pump down Ness's throat.

"See son?" said Bowser happily to his choking son, "You're a great eater! It runs in the family!"

"Help me…" moaned Ness, choking.

"Mamby pamby," laughed Bowser, shoving his son with one hand onto the concrete floor, "Hah, hah, hah!"

_Violet City_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're in the main town now, so we just passed the Pokemon," said Mewtwo, driving along.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Oh my gosh! Those cheaters!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "They've been following us the whole time!"

"It's not like we've got a clean sheet…" said Pikachu, "I mean, what about… this?"

Pikachu pointed to the anchor attaching their car to a bus bound for Olivine City.

"That's not cheating! That's being resourceful!" said Jigglypuff proudly, "I knew from past experience that this bus passes through Violet City, so we basically get a free ride!"

"So uh… now that we're in Violet City and there's an anchor attached to the bus in front of us that's going to a completely different city… what are we supposed to do now?"

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

Jigglypuff smacked Pikachu. "Bad planner!" she said angrily.

"I'm not the one who wanted to cheat!" said Pikachu angrily.

"That's not cheating! That's being resourceful!" said Jigglypuff proudly, "I knew from past experience that this bus passes through Violet City, so we basically get a free ride!"

"Jigglypuff, I already told you how your plan was flawed," said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus_

"Violet Gym, next left," said Fox, reading a sign, "Good job, Samus!"

They turned into the complex, another marked car following them in.

"Awesome! We caught up!" said Fox excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"What?!" said Falco, shocked, "How did they catch up?"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"BAIL!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, jumping out of their car, dodging several cars on the main road in front of them and running towards the gym.

"Hope we don't have to drive again…" said Pikachu nervously, tugging his collar. Somehow.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Road Block!" read Fox, "Who feels like a bit of an acrobat?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! In this Road Block, that team member must perform tasks done by Pokemon acrobats!"  
"That person must go into the gym and climb up four storeys of stairs and jump across to another tower top a distance of twenty metres using a flying trapeze! If teams miss, they will fall on netting below… curse you liability policy… and will have to try the task again! Teams may not swing back so they must go to the back of the line if they miss!"  
"There is a line that decides the order at the top of the tower, so teams must try and run up the tower quickly! Once they reach the second tower, they will collect their next clue. From a box."

"I'll do it…" said Fox sexily.

"…how is that a situation to come across as sexily?" said Samus angrily.

"I'll… acrobat you up the backside…" said Fox sexily.

"That's great, now go," said Samus angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs," said Pikachu, "Make sure you do this right… because you only have one Road Block after this."

"Sure, honey!" said Jigglypuff sweetly.

"Okay, just abuse your jump or something!" said Pikachu.

_Violet Gym_

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"Run up those stairs quick!" said Samus, "Don't lose to Falco!"

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"I'll beat you Star Fox…" said Falco angrily, sprinting up the stairs, two steps behind Fox, "I'll beat you… and then I will become captain of… STAR FOX!"

Falco cackled evilly.

"Or Star Falco or whatever," said Falco, running up the tower.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"Curse you, slow dash speed," said Jigglypuff, running as fast as she could up the stairs.

Which was really slow.

Like, a step every second or something.

So excruciatingly slow we have to cut to someone else now.

_Falco  
1__st__ Attempt_

Falco reached a marked board that said 'Line Starts Here' just before Fox.

"Yes!" cheered Falco. "In your face, Fox!"

Falco jumped onto the flying trapeze and flew across the top of gym. Falco let go, landing several metres short.

"Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily.

_Fox  
1__st__ Attempt_

Fox clumsily jumped and missed the flying trapeze, falling to the ground.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"One storey!" cheered Jigglypuff happily, walking up more stairs.

_Earl's Eat Other Pokemon Eatery_

_Bowser and Ness  
On 4__th__ Course_

Snake and Bowser stared at each other angrily, munching down their final courses, staring at each other in the eye.

"We hate to compete with Snake and Yoshi," said Ness to the camera, chewing, "I mean, they're nice people but we just have to compete right now…"

Bowser finished up his Wigglytuff.

"Awesome, Dad!" said Ness, taking a clue.

Bowser and Ness ran out of the

"Take a taxi to Goldenrod Department Store!" read Ness, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Son, we might have to use it," said Bowser, getting into a taxi.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 4__th__ Course_

"This dish is so big…" said Yoshi, the Wigglytuff only half-eaten, "And we're in last place right now… I think this is it. I think we're done for!"

"You're starting on the wrong side," said Wigglytuff. "You should have saved my head for last. Now look what you've done. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

_Violet Gym_

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"Come on," said Falco, running up the stairs, passing Jigglypuff again, "Beat Fox again!"

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"I'll get you, Falco!" cursed Fox, jogging up the stairs, passing Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"Two storeys to go!" cheered Jigglypuff happily.

_Falco  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Falco leapt and grabbed the flying trapeze. He flew across the air, releasing and missing the other edge by several inches.

"Darn it!" said Falco angrily.

_Fox  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Fox heroically leapt onto the trapeze, grabbed it and made a leap for the other side.

He hit his head on the other end platform, causing him to topple backwards and fall on the netting below.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"One to go!" cheered Jigglypuff, walking up more steps.

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"I'm so damn tired," said Falco, panting, walking up the stairs, "I'm not a long distance guy like Fox. I could only beat him in a sprint…"

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"See ya, team buddy!" said Fox cutely, passing Falco.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"Almost there!" cheered Jigglypuff, on the top floor, the start of the queue just metres in front of her.

_Fox  
On Road Block_

Fox sprinted past Jigglypuff with just inches to go. With the momentum of the sprint, he grabbed the trapeze, zoomed through the room and landed on the other side.

"Yes!" cheered Fox, taking a clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" read Fox, running down the stairs.

"Teams must now take a taxi 1.5 kilometres to this place, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" said Master Hand. "This school for young Pokemon Trainers, is the eighth pit stop in a race around the world! The last team to check in here, _**may**_ be eliminated."

"Come on, Fox!" shouted Samus from below.

_Jigglypuff  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Just puff!" screamed Pikachu from below.

Jigglypuff, abusing her seemingly unlimited jumps, started to puff up and jump across the twenty metre jump, passing the flying trapeze.

"You have to use the trapeze!" said a judge below.

"Fiine," said Jigglypuff angrily, puffing back and touching the flying trapeze.

Jigglypuff jumped up again and puffed onto the other platform, taking a clue.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Let's go!" cheered Jigglypuff, taking a clue and jumping off the platform.

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" read Jigglypuff, falling onto the ground.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Come on! We need a freaking taxi!" said Samus nervously, dancing around the street, peering down the highway nervously.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Entrepreneurs_

"Run!" said Jigglypuff desperately, lugging along her bag, "We can beat them! They don't have a taxi!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Falco, having taken his clue, jumped off the tower and landed on the netting.

"You idiot!" said Mewtwo angrily, "We could have won!"

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" read Falco, running out the door.

_Fox and Samus_

"Taxi!" said Samus, holding out her hand.

A taxi stopped on the curb, right next to Fox and Samus.

"Good!" said Samus, opening the door.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu snuck through Samus's legs, running into the taxi, closing the door and locking it.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

Their taxi sped off.

Another taxi pulled up.

"I hate those puffballs!" said Fox angrily, hopping in.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Fox and Samus are behind us," said Pikachu nervously, "Our driver's a Walrein… what seems to be a very slow and cautious driver… this is going to be another footrace!"

_Fox and Samus_

"I am going to beat those guys to a pulp!" said Fox angrily, cracking his knuckles.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Take us to Earl's Academy!" shouted Falco. "And quick! Big tip!"

"This guy's a speeder!" said Mewtwo excitedly, their deranged taxi driver speeding through the highway.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"They're right behind us!" screamed Pikachu anxiously, "They're fuming!"

"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff, shocked, pointing at Fox and Samus's alight state in the taxi behind them.

_Earl's Pokemon Academy_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi, followed by Samus and Fox's, pulled into the academy carpark, weaving around the expensive fountain in the main drive.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Run!" screamed Pikachu, throwing notes at Jigglypuff and scampering off.

_Fox and Samus_

"That's Master Hand!" said Fox, shutting his door and running onto a grassy straight, Master Hand in the distance.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Roll out!" screamed Pikachu to Jigglypuff, miles behind him. "It's a flat path!"

"I will!" screamed Jigglypuff, charging up, Fox and Samus jogging past her.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Pikachu, followed by Samus, scampered onto the mat.

Fox neared the mat, but the speed of Jigglypuff's rollout caused her to speed onto the mat.

"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff happily, giving Pikachu a high-five.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are… team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"And I have some good news for you, you've both won free fuel for life!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu.

"I don't drive but yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Fox and Samus, you're team number two," said Master Hand.

Fox and Samus looked down at the ground, exhausted.

"So Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "I hear the competition's starting to catch up with you!"

"Yeah, it's fierce," said Samus, "We've been Yielded, we've had taxis stolen, everyone wants us out because well, they know in their hearts that we're almost certainly going to win the prize here."

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "You're the eighth team to win three legs of The Smashy Amazing Race, can this thought help you be the first team to get four legs?"

"Well, we're certainly going to give ourselves the best shot to beat these guys," said Jigglypuff.

_Goldenrod Department Store_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Drive to Violet Gym!" read Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Drive to Violet Gym!" read Snake.

_Pit Stop_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo and Falco stepped onto the mat.

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number three," said Master Hand.

"Darn it," said Mewtwo angrily.

"You guys have been up there but haven't won a leg," said Master Hand, "Is this frustrating?"

"Well," said Falco, "We're definitely the best team that's ever gone on this thing, it's just the place doesn't reflect it… but I think it's our destiny to take out the grand prize…"

Falco looked at the camera. "You just watch us!"

_Johto Highway_

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

Bowser spotted another car in his rear mirror.

"Damn! How did they get out so quick?" said Bowser angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Oh my gosh, we're still in this!" said Yoshi happily, driving along, noticing Bowser and Ness's car.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"I think they're just tailing us now…" said Bowser, "Let's check…"

Bowser moved the car one lane to the right.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Follow them closely, Yoshi," said Snake.

"Okay!" said Yoshi, panicking, putting on his indicator and turning into the next lane.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Okay, they're following us, Dad," said Ness, peering through the back window, "Make a move at the next exit… pass the next exit but then quickly veer in at the last minute…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We have… no idea right now, where we are," said Yoshi.

_Bowser and Ness_

The exit came up.

"Good, they're tailing us, pass it," said Ness, pointing to the striped are on the left. "Turn now!"

Bowser turned the wheel tightly, squeezing narrowly past a car into the exit.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Yoshi! Why didn't you follow them?" said Snake angrily, "You're supposed to be following them!"

"How am I supposed to know?" said Yoshi angrily, "It's not like I had more than a second to react!"

"You're better than this!" said Snake angrily. "Any real driver would do that right!"

…

"But you're not a real driver!" said Snake angrily, "You're a fake driver! …huh?"

_Bowser and Ness_

"We're in Violet City now," said Ness happily, checking through the back window, "We just hope Snake and Yoshi are utterly lost now."

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're completely ruined!" said Snake angrily, "We've lost it! We're out! We're thirty minutes out of this race!"

"Chill out!" said Yoshi angrily, "We can make a U-turn here!" said Yoshi, pointing to a lane on his right.

Yoshi slowed down the car and started to make the turn.

"Oh no you don't!" said Snake angrily, pulling the steering wheel back to straight again and pushing Yoshi's foot down.

"Snake! We just missed the u-turn!" said Yoshi hysterically, "What was that for?"

"Communism has a 'u' in it…" said Snake angrily, "…and so does U-Turn… that lane obviously was going to send ninja infiltrates from the communists to invade the car and spread hateful and converting messages to us!"

"Snake! You idiot!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad, we're almost there!" said Ness, bobbing up and down anxiously, "We've got this!"

Bowser looked out of the side mirror. "Damn it! We've got a flat!"

"Oh no!" said Ness, shocked.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Okay, we're going to make a U-Turn here, whether you like it or not," said Yoshi angrily, pointing to a U-Turn on the right.

"Oh no you don't!" said Snake angrily, straightening the wheel, stopping them from doing a u-turn. "Communism contains an n, and so does U-Turn!"

Snake shivered manically.

"So does Snake," said Yoshi angrily.

"OH GOD!" screamed Snake, pointing his gun to his head.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Out of all of the times we could have gotten a flat… why now?" said Bowser angrily, taking off a tyre of the car.

"Dad, that's the wrong tyre…" said Ness.

…

"Maybe I'm changing the wrong tyre just to spite you," said Bowser angrily.

"No you're not," said Ness.

"Maybe I am!" said Bowser angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Okay, you don't have to shoot yourself, there's an easy remedy… close your eyes for the next ten seconds," said Yoshi, concentrating on the road.

"Yipee!" said Snake happily, covering his eyes.

Yoshi made a U-Turn.

Snake opened his eyes. "Yoshi! How could you?!" he cried.

_Bowser and Ness_

"No you're not," said Ness.

"Maybe I am!" said Bowser angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Look, it's really close, actually!" said Yoshi excitedly, "We still might be in this!"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Done!" said Bowser happily.

"Now fix the real frickin' tyre!" said Ness angrily.

"Fine! Oh look at me! I'm Ness!" said Bowser angrily, "I'm a kid! I have no friends!"

"Waah!" cried Ness.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Gym Road," said Yoshi, turning in, "The place is close; this is where we should have turned off."

_Bowser and Ness_

"Done!" said Bowser, hopping in.

"Dad, let's just concentrate on the race…" said Ness, putting his seatbelt on.

"Yeah, sorry son," said Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There's another car!" said Yoshi excitedly, "They have a flat! They have a flat!"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Darn it!" said Bowser angrily, Yoshi's car zooming past on the right.

"Just drive dad!" said Ness.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Turn in!" said Snake desperately.

They parked the car and ran towards the clue box.

"Road Block!" read Snake, "Who feels like a bit of an acrobat?"

"I'll do it!" said Yoshi.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Damn it! How did they catch up so fast?" said Bowser, hopping out of the car and jogging towards the clue box.

"Road Block! Who feels like a bit of an acrobat?" read Bowser.

"I should do it, Dad," said Ness.

"Go son!" said Bowser.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"Ness is coming for you! Run!" screamed Snake from below.

_Ness  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Ness," said Ness, running up the stairs.

_Yoshi  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Here!" said Yoshi, panting at the top of the tower.

Catching his breath, he ran across and jumped onto the trapeze, swinging across and leaping towards the other side.

He landed inches onto the other tower.

"Good job, Yoshi!" cheered Snake. "Come on!"

_Ness  
1__st__ Attempt_

Ness jumped onto the trapeze and landed onto the other side.

_Yoshi  
Finished Road Block_

"Hurry, Yoshi!" screamed Snake, Yoshi running down the stairs.

_Ness  
Finished Road Block_

"Jump off!" screamed Bowser, "We'll get a lead if we do!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Ness jumped to the ground while opening the clue.

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" read Ness.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, Earl's Pokemon Academy!" read Yoshi.

"Beat them out!" screamed Snake.

_Bowser and Ness_

"There's a taxi!" screamed Bowser, running out of the front door, pointing to a yellow cab in the distance.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Run, Yoshi!" said Snake, sprinting, a dozen yards behind Bowser.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Dad! Don't worry! I'll hold the taxi for you!" screamed Ness, running along, Snake and Yoshi well behind but his father even more.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're gonna have to kick him off the taxi," said Snake.

_Bowser and Ness_

Ness climbed into the back of the taxi, "Hold this taxi for a few seconds!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

Snake and Yoshi climbed into the taxi, "Take us to Earl's Pokemon Academy!" said Snake.

"Hold it up! There's still one more!" said Ness desperately, his father about thirty metres from the taxi.

"Here's twenty bucks! Leave!" said Yoshi, throwing a note at the taxi driver.

"Okay," said the learner Psyduck taxi driver, getting slowly into first gear.

"Hurry, Dad!" screamed Ness, his father about fifteen metres away from the taxi.

"Come on, hurry up, you idiot!" screamed Snake angrily.

"I don't take too kindly to insults!" said the Psyduck angrily.

"Shut up, you!" screamed Snake angrily, hitting the Psyduck in the face.

"O- okay…" said the taxi driver, putting his foot on the accelerator.

Bowser was now just metres away from the taxi.

"Leeaaaving…" said the Psyduck slowly.

Bowser grabbed onto the taxi door.

"Riiiight…" said the Psyduck slowly.

Bowser opened the door.

Snake picked up Ness, and threw him out of the taxi.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" screamed Snake and Yoshi in unison.

The taxi sped off.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Damn it! There's another cab here!" said Bowser angrily, waddling over to another taxi.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Oh no! This is a nightmare!" cried Yoshi. "Our taxi driver can't get out of third gear!"

"But we're awake!" laughed Snake. "How can it be a nightmare if… we're awake?"

Yoshi glared at Snake angrily.

"…oh," said Snake.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Take us to Earl's!" said Bowser desperately.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Oh no, they got a cab!" cried Yoshi, Bowser and Ness's taxi nearing in the distance.

_Bowser and Ness_

"What a bunch of dishonest people," said Bowser angrily, "I can't believe we trusted those guys."

"Look! We're catching up!" said Ness excitedly, Snake and Yoshi's taxi right in front.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"This leg has gone from bad to worse…" said Yoshi angrily, Bowser and Ness's taxi passing them on the left.

"How much longer?" said Snake.

"A few hundred metres!" said the driver.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We're passing them!" said Ness excitedly, Snake and Yoshi's taxi passing into the difference.

"Next left!" said the taxi driver.

"Here!" said Bowser, handing over a five dollar bill, "We might just have enough of a barrier to beat them in a footrace!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"No! No!" said Yoshi angrily, their taxi creeping through the road.

_Bowser and Ness_

Bowser and Ness got out of the taxi. "Run, Dad! Run!" screamed Ness.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Get it into gear!" said Yoshi angrily, "Put it into the fourth gear!"

"There's a fourth gear?" said their taxi driver, surprised.

"…YES!" said Yoshi angrily, "There's six!"

"No Yoshi, I'm pretty sure there's only three," said Snake calmly.

"If you drive… a go-kart!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I don't drive a go-kart!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Master Hand's there!" said Ness, running hand in hand with Bowser, the pit stop about a hundred metres in front.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"It's right here!" said their taxi driver, turning into the complex.

Yoshi threw a few notes at the driver and they ran out.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Come on, Dad!" cried Ness, jogging along with his father, "We can do this!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Snake desperately, his feet digging up the grass in the grassy straight.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Oh no!" said Ness, checking behind.

"I can do this, son!" said Bowser happily, the pit stop within sight.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're catching up!" said Yoshi, about ten metres behind with forty metres to go.

_Bowser and Ness_

"You have to push, Dad!" said Ness desperately, the pit stop only metres away, "We have to pick it up!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Push harder! We're gaining!" screamed Snake, only a few metres behind the father and son now.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Snake, sprinting, overtook Bowser and Ness as the last minute to tumble onto the mat first.

Ness ran onto the mat, his father lagging several metres behind.

Yoshi passed Bowser inches before the line, landing on the pit stop first.

Snake, Yoshi, Bowser and Ness stared anxiously at Master Hand.

"Snake and Yoshi," said Master Hand, "You are… team number four!"

"Yess!" cheered Snake and Yoshi happily.

Emotional music played.

"Bowser and Ness," said Master Hand, "…you're the… last team to arrive."

"Yeah, we figured," chuckled Bowser, putting his hand on his son's back.

"And I'm…" said Master Hand, "…pleased to tell you however, that this is a non-elimination leg!"

Shock entered Bowser and Ness's faces.

"Awesome!" cheered Ness, relieved.

"However, there is a twist," said Master Hand dramatically. "As a penalty for coming last, the next leg you will encounter a _Speed Bump_. This is a task that only you will have to perform… and as this task could be time consuming… it may cost you the race!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"This leg taught us that, if we want to win the million dollars," said Ness, "We're going to have to get up there at the front and not keep on fighting for last."

"This race is no longer friendly anymore," said Bowser, "But those who have been mean to us _will _be punished."

"You can try as much as you want, but we're fighters, and we'll stay in this race till the end!" said Ness proudly.

**Finish Times:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 11:48 AM

Fox and Samus: 11:49 AM

Mewtwo and Falco: 11:56 AM

Snake and Yoshi: 4:13 PM

Bowser and Ness: 4:14 PM – Not Eliminated: Will Face Speed Bump

Review! Sorry for the chapter for maybe, not being as good as the others! Only four legs to go! Review your favourites and stuff! Thanks for your reviews, etc! Capitalization! Point out errors, please!

"Next time, on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand, "Jigglypuff and Pikachu's relationship hits a new low!"

"_SHUT UP, WHALE BOY!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, sobbing onto the sidewalk._

"And can Mewtwo and Falco escape from the temple of The Gloop?!"

_"I like it and that's all that counts!" sobbed Luigi, flaunting his revealing dress._


	9. But I Want a Scooter!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, five teams travelled to Goldenrod City, Johto!" said Master Hand. "On the detour, Samus and Fox, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Mewtwo and Falco finished around the same time!"

"_Wait! Is that another team?" said Fox, pointing two cabs back._

…

"_That's Jigglypuff's cab in front of us!" said Falco, shocked._

"_We can outrun these guys!" said Mewtwo._

"…which led to a footrace to the yield, Jigglypuff and Pikachu coming out on top!"

"_We've used our Yield powers before, so we can't yield!" said Jigglypuff._

"But despite the other teams being more than five hours behind, Mewtwo and Falco used their yield powers!"

"_We choose to yield Fox and Samus!" said Falco, posting his name on the board._

"Much to Fox's distaste!

"_I hate you guys!" said Fox angrily._

"But before driving to Violet City, Fox and Samus used the internet to get navigation!"

"_I'm using a site called 'PokeMaps' to print out directions on where we want to go," said Samus, "All I know is that the maps here are-"_

"_YES! YES!" screamed Fox, looking slyly at another computer, "Strip, baby! Strip!"_

"…they got to an acrobatic Road Block and finished first, only to be stopped by a lack of transport!"

"_Come on! We need a freaking taxi!" said Samus nervously, dancing around the street, peering down the highway nervously._

"And a smooth move by Jigglypuff and Pikachu…"

_A taxi stopped on the curb, right next to Fox and Samus._

"_Good!" said Samus, opening the door._

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu snuck through Samus's legs, running into the taxi, closing the door and locking it._

"_DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu._

"…landed them in first place!"

"_Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are… team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yes!" said Jigglypuff happily._

"At the back of the pack, Bowser and Ness, neck-and-neck with Snake and Yoshi made a move!"

"_Okay, they're following us, Dad," said Ness, peering through the back window, "Make a move at the next exit… pass the next exit but then quickly veer in at the last minute…"_

"_Follow them closely, Yoshi," said Snake._

"And although this decision caused conflict within Snake and Yoshi…"

"_Yoshi! Why didn't you follow them?" said Snake angrily, "You're supposed to be following them!"_

"_How am I supposed to know?" said Yoshi angrily._

"…their luck ran out, with a flat tyre!"

"_Out of all of the times we could have gotten a flat… why now?" said Bowser angrily, taking off a tyre of the car._

"_Dad, that's the wrong tyre…" said Ness._

"Bowser and Ness came in last…"

"_Bowser and Ness," said Master Hand, "…you're the… last team to arrive."_

"…but were given a reprieve!"

"_This is a non-elimination leg!"_

"Can Bowser and Ness, now having to face an extra task as a penalty for coming in last, pull together and stay in the race? And can Jigglypuff and Pikachu, beating pack leaders Fox and Samus twice in a row, stay in first place?" said Master Hand, "Five teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?"

**The Teams:  
**Bowser and Ness (_Father and Son_)

Mewtwo and Falco (_Martial Arts Experts_)

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs_)

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were the first team to arrive at 11:48 AM, will depart at 11:48 PM!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 11:48 PM_

"Fly to Mobotropolis, Mobius and find the city library!" read Pikachu.

"Teams must now fly over two thousand kilometres to Mobotropolis, in the planet of Mobius!" said Master Hand, "Once teams touch down in this megacity in the Sonic universe, they must find this library, where they will be handed their next clue!"  
"For safety reasons, teams may not buy tickets from inside the airport."

"What the heck's Mobius or Mobotropolis?" said Pikachu.

"Haven't you heard?" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "It's part of the Sonic world!"

Jigglypuff did a dance as victory music played in the background.

"Uggh, I hate how Sonic was included!" said Pikachu angrily, "And what do you know, we have to go to Sonic land now! Whoop de freaking doo! He's not even a decent fighter… not to mention that his moveset is the worst ever!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff, "You're not the worst anymore!"

Jigglypuff did a victory dance.

"How do I have a bad moveset?" said Pikachu angrily, "I have… electricity… and a rocket attack, and… and…"

Pikachu started to hyperventilate and go into a deep state of depression.

_Fox and Samus  
2__nd__ to depart: 11:49 PM_

"Fly to Mobotropolis, Mobius and find the city library!" read Fox, "You have twenty-three dollars for this leg of the race!"

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're the pack leaders, and I don't see us crossing the finish line anywhere but first," said Fox.

"We just have to keep our cool," said Samus, "The whole pack is against us basically, but when it trickles down to the final three, we'll definitely pull through."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
3__rd__ to depart: 11:56 PM_

"Fly to Mobotropolis, Mobius and find the city library!" read Mewtwo, "You have twenty-three dollars for this leg of the race!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"I don't know about you, Mewtwo," said Falco confidently, "But I'm in it to win it!"

"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "I think you mean, in it to be gay…"

…

"Because you like men," said Mewtwo.

…

"Dude, you've said that every leg!" said Falco angrily, "Get some original material! I'm getting sick of this!"

"You're getting sick of this…" said Mewtwo, "More like, you're sick of being gay…"

…

"Because you like men," said Mewtwo.

"You know what?" said Falco angrily, "This calls for a harassment suit!"

…

"In court!" said Falco angrily.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" cried Mewtwo, sobbing, "I was just joking okay?"

_Chanseys' Travel Agents Sea_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Hi!" said Jigglypuff sweetly, "We'd like some plane tickets to Mobotropolis!"

"Jigglypuff…" said Pikachu uncertainly, "Are you… sure this is legit?"

"Relax honey!" said Jigglypuff, "It's a shop! You can trust them!"

"Uh… define shop," said Pikachu, pointing to the cardboard box the crack-addicted Chansey was running her business out of.

"We can get you tickets!" said the Chansey, her eyes an untrusting crimson red.

"See?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Here are your tickets!" said the Chansey, drooling onto Pikachu's hands, handing over her some dodgily cut pieces of cardboard notice to Jigglypuff. "That's- that's five million dollars!"

The crack finally reached the Chansey's central nervous system, and she passed out from exhaustion.

"Yay! That was quick!" said Jigglypuff, taking her cardboard and stuffing it into the fanny pack.

"Uh… those weren't real tickets," said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

…

"Well," said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "At least we can steal some belongings from her pockets!"

Jigglypuff reached inside the Chansey.

"That's funny…" said Jigglypuff, noticing her hand was a blood-like red colour, "All I feel is this blood-like substance and bodily organs…"

_Downtown Violet City_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're just walking down the main strip, looking for a travel agency…" said Fox, "We don't want to take a cab for fifty kilometres, we want to get tickets soon…"

"Here's one!" said Samus, pointing to a travel agency ahead.

_Ping Ping's Seafood Diner_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Uh…" said Pikachu, "What is… the purpose of this exercise again?"

"I'm getting air tickets!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"YOU ORDER NOW!" screamed some random lady, throwing cats at Jigglypuff.

"This isn't a freaking travel agency!" said Pikachu angrily.

A cat scratched Pikachu's eyes out.

"You can't criticize me… if you can't talk!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff laughed heartily.

…

"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.

_Violet City Travel Agency_

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ on 2:00 PM Flight_

"There's one flight at 2:00 and that's it," said Samus, "Looks like we'll all be bunched together."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
2__nd__ on 2:00 PM Flight_

"We're on the same flight as we guess, everyone," said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
3__rd__ on 2:00 PM Flight_

"It's everyone on the same flight," said Falco, taking tickets.

_4:00 AM_

A fast-forwarded shot of the night sky played for several seconds on screen.

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ to depart: 4:13 AM_

"Fly to Mobotropolis, Mobius and find the city library!" read Yoshi, "You have twenty-three dollars for this leg of the race!"

"Let's get out of here before Bowser and Ness comes," said Snake, quietly sneaking along the grassy straight towards the front entrance.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"To avoid last place last leg," said Yoshi, "We basically had to betray one of our mutual allies last leg…"

_Snake and Yoshi climbed into the taxi, "Take us to Earl's Pokemon Academy!" said Snake._

"_Hold it up! There's still one more!" said Ness desperately, his father about thirty metres from the taxi._

"_Here's twenty bucks! Leave!" said Yoshi, throwing a note at the taxi driver._

"But you know," said Yoshi, "We were just trying to stay alive! They just expect everyone to be happy friends with them…"

"So at any given moment," said Snake, "We're going to use our yield on them, they're way past their use-by date."

_Bowser and Ness  
Last to depart: 4:14 AM_

"You have twenty-three dollars for this leg of the race! You cannot book airline tickets at the airport," read Ness.

"We have to beat Snake and Yoshi, they basically betrayed our friendship last leg," said Bowser angrily, walking along.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"As a penalty for coming last in the last leg," said Bowser, "We have to perform a Speed Bump, which is a task that only we have to perform. Now we're hoping for a five-way bunch, because I hear this task could knock us back to last place!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Hey, there's a taxi, dad!" said Snake, jogging along, pointing at a yellow cab at the front gate.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"We booked a taxi," said Bowser, running along, "So we just hope that there's nobody else there and we can overtake Snake and Yoshi."

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Snake opened the cab door, "Hey!"

"Sorry, this taxi is reserved," said the taxi driver.

"Yeah! We know!" said Yoshi quickly, "Me, Ness and him, Bowser booked the taxi!"

"Oh!" said the taxi driver understandingly.

Snake and Yoshi quickly dumped their bags in the back and ran into the taxi.

"Take us to the town's biggest travel agency!" said Snake.

…

"Wait…" said Snake, "I don't remember our names being Bowser and Ness… I thought our names were…"

Yoshi covered Snake's mouth quickly. "It's our nicknames!" laughed Yoshi manically, "We always book taxis under our nicknames!"

"But-"

"Don't we?" said Yoshi, winking vividly.

"But I thought-"

Yoshi pointed to his eye, which was winking, very much.

"Yoshi, there's something wrong with your eye!" said Snake, concerned.

"AAARGH!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

Yoshi whispered into Snake's ear.

"Ooh!" laughed Snake heartily, "Yes, me and my girlfriend, Samus booked the taxi!"

"We stole Bowser and Ness's taxi," said Yoshi angrily.

"Ooh!" laughed Snake heartily, "Me and my daughter, Ness-"

"Ness is a dude," said Yoshi.

…

…

"Oh," said Snake.

…

"Ooh!" laughed Snake heartily, "Me and my son, Ness-"

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Where's our taxi?" said Bowser, waiting in the car park.

"I dunno, let's just wait…" said Ness.

_Violet City Travel Agency_

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ on 2:00 PM Flight_

"There's a Kanto Air flight at 2:00, and that's the only flight for the whole day," said Yoshi, "We just hope Bowser and Ness don't get on."

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Wait…" said Ness, "If we booked a taxi and we can't find ours, and Snake and Yoshi left a minute before us and went through the same car park… then…"

"They stole our taxi!" said Bowser and Ness in unison, shocked.

…

"Should we get a new one?" said Bowser.

"Yeah," said Ness.

_6:00 AM_

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Hey, we'd like tickets on the 2:00 PM flight," said Bowser.

"Here," said some random person, handing over tickets.

"All teams are now on the 2:00 PM flight that lands in Mobotropolis at 3:00 PM, local time!" said Master Hand.

_Mobotropolis Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Take us to the city library!" said Pikachu, hopping into a taxi.

"Wow! This place is amazing!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a nearby building as they drove along.

"Jigglypuff, it's just another freaking city," said Pikachu angrily, "It's the same as every single other single freaking city we've been to except now there's Sonic people!"

"I know! We're in Sonic land!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh boy! This place is so cool!" said Falco happily, "Maybe I'll get to meet Sonic!"

"Dude," said Mewtwo, "We were racing with Sonic."

"Dude, it was a joke," said Falco angrily.

"I don't get jokes," said Mewtwo, "I also don't get why we have to go to this stupid Sonic location! I mean, he bribed his way into the game, for goodness' sake! Why do we have to visit the location of someone who has to buy their way into SSB? I mean, those types of people will get a good choking from me!"

"I bribed Master Hand to get into melee…" said Falco weakly.

…

…

"Gaah!" squawked Falco, being choked alive.

"Mwahahaha!" laughed Mewtwo evilly.

"I was… joking!" muttered Falco, still being choked.

"So am I!" laughed Mewtwo evilly.

Falco died.

"The joke is… you died!" laughed Mewtwo.

…

"You get the joke right, bud?" snickered Mewtwo.

"SEFIUHEWI!" screamed Fox, vomiting onto Falco's body.

_Joke Review Committee_

"That joke gets… an A+!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Bowser and Ness are getting on my nerves," said Yoshi, "They were giving us dirty glares in customs…"

Yoshi's eyes turned a dark evil red, "But that's okay! They won't be giving us glares for much longer… …after I kill them!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I really hate those guys," said Ness.

"Yeah, we just have to make sure the speed bump doesn't slow us down too much," said Bowser, "These guys have to go!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Fox, for the last frickin' time," said Samus angrily, sitting in the back of the taxi, "Can you fill in your customs card properly for once?"

"I think you just fail to see the humour when I fill in my name as 'Doctor Sexy, the man who is the only cure for your condition… sweet… sweet loving…'!" said Fox angrily.

"That's just stupid! You were almost deported!" said Samus.

"Deported… to the state of love…" said Fox romantically, "The state of love… between you and me…"

Samus's eyes twitched violently, her urge to kill Fox barely being contained.

"I see it in your eyes…" said Fox sexily, leaning in on Samus, "I see your urges… you're containing them… don't hold back… just… let nature take its course…"

Samus's eyes continued to violently twitch.

"Don't hold back, Samus," said Fox sexily, puckering up.

Samus's eyes twitched even more violently.

"That's right, honey, let it go," said Fox sexily.

_Two minutes later…_

"Who knew that ripping out people's bodily organs could be so much fun?!" said Samus manically, clawing out Fox's inners, covered in blood and Fox's teeth, the driver staring in much shock.

"I knew!" said Kirby happily, helping to rip out the organs.

_Mobotropolis State Library_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yeah, we're here first!" said Jigglypuff happily, slowly jogging up the large steps leading towards the library.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Beat the puffballs!" said Mewtwo, running up the steps, "There might be a Road Block ahead, who knows!"

"Puffballs?" said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We lost Snake and Yoshi and we're with the pack, so this is good," said Ness, walking up the library steps.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Mewtwo located the clue box and took a clue. "Visit the library website and work out where your next destination is!"

"Teams must now visit the computer room and use any of the ten computers to access the library website and find their next destination!" said Master Hand, "Teams must work out that at the bottom of each of the pages contains a small word written in red! When all of these words are put together, it will read 'The Best Chocolate Hedgehog in Mobotropolis'!"  
"Once teams use this term in a search engine, they will find their next destination, Uncle Chuck's Diner, home to the city's best chocolate hedgehog! Once teams travel 300 metres to this place, they will find their next clue!"

"This is a puzzle, man," said Falco, "Let's do this!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Visit the library website and work out where your next destination is! You must tell the librarian the correct destination before you leave," read Pikachu.

"What's a website?" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"I dunno," said Pikachu.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Visit the library website and work out where your next destination is! You must tell the librarian the correct destination before you leave," read Bowser.

"We have to use the internet, dad," said Ness.

_Library Computer Room_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Grab a computer as well," said Mewtwo, "We'll do it twice as fast."

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Start looking on each page, dad," said Ness, his father and him looking on the same screen, "It might be hidden in a paragraph, read everything!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"What the heck are they doing?!" said Jigglypuff, puzzled, looking at the other two teams on the computers.

"They're staring at… light boxes?!" said Pikachu, confused.

"How the heck are we supposed to stare at nothing and get a clue?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Visit the library website and work out where your next destination is! You must tell the librarian the correct destination before you leave," read Snake.

"Boy, a riddle," said Yoshi.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Visit the library website and work out where your next destination is! You must tell the librarian the correct destination before you leave," read Fox.

"Yay! Internet!" cheered Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Hey, psst, Mewtwo!" whispered Falco, "Are you noticing that there are words in red at the bottom of each page? I think that means something…"

"Write them down," said Mewtwo, holding a pad in front of them.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Junior reading program!" read Bowser and Ness in unison, reading off the screen, "Are you struggling to read? Simply come down to our library to learn how to read! But you'd already know how to read if you read this, right?"

"Oh," laughed Ness heartily, "Those silly librarians!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the computer in amazement.

Pikachu looked at the keyboard. "Why do they have random letters there?"

"It's a code!" said Jigglypuff, shocked, "We have to memorize their alternate alphabet and then read the clue again to get our destination!"

_Fox and Samus_

"Fox, concentrate on finding the clue," said Samus angrily.

"But I'm having an erotic _chat _with my Mediterranean girlfriend!" said Fox angrily.

"What… are… you… wearing?" said Fox, typing what he said into the keyboard.

"Fox, you're having an erotic chat with a search engine," said Samus.

"Well, it's the only friend I've ever had!" cried Fox.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Yoshi, there's text in red at the bottom of every page…" said Snake.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM," read Jigglypuff off the screen, having rearranged the keyboard.

…

"It's a sign!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Got them all down?" said Falco.

"Yeah," said Mewtwo, reading off a piece of paper, "_Chocolate Mobotropolis in the best hedgehog…_"

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Falco.

_Bowser and Ness_

"You may use our catalogue to find the books you want!" read Bowser and Ness in unison.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Keep them coming, Yoshi," said Snake, writing down on a piece of paper.

"_Best…_" read Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Which could only mean…" said Pikachu dramatically.

"The clue is inside the computer!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu started to electrocute and saw the hard drive, beating it to a pulp.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"How about we do a Google?" said Falco, stumped.

"Yeah," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"I got it!" said Snake, "The best chocolate hedgehog in mobotropolis!"

"Try doing a search," said Yoshi.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Uncle Chuck's…" said Mewtwo, "Let's go…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Uncle Chuck's!" said Yoshi excitedly, "This is it!"

"Get to the front desk!" said Snake.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Damn it," said Ness, "Two teams have left, we gotta focus…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Uncle Chuck's?" said Mewtwo to the front librarian.

"Yes!" was the reply.

"Awesome, let's go," said Falco.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Uncle Chuck's?" whispered Yoshi to the librarian.

"Yes," replied the librarian.

_Fox and Samus_

"Maybe we should… you know… be working on getting that clue…" said Fox, tapping away furiously on the keyboard, playing space invaders.

"Yeah," said Samus, on Pong.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stood there, looking at the debris that used to be a computer.

"Uh… I don't see our clue here…" said Pikachu.

"Maybe we have to bash it up more!" said Jigglypuff brightly.

They both picked up their baseball bats and continued to beat the remains of the computer to a pulp.

_Fox and Samus_

"Start searching for the clue," said Samus angrily, furiously clicking away on the mouse, playing her first-person shooter.

"Okay… I'm getting to the clue really soon…" said Fox lazily, searching for smut in Google images.

…

"Rawr… rawr…" said Fox sexily, "Maybe if I… zoom in I'll… find the clue…"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We got it… Uncle Chuck's…" said Bowser to the person at the front desk.

"Yes," said the librarian.

"Come on, son! We're still in this!" said Bowser, "We can do the speed bump and still stay in!"

_Downtown Mobotropolis_

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're going on foot," said Yoshi, jogging along, "We just hope that it's quicker than taking a taxi…"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're finally at the front of the pack for once…" said Falco, running along.

_Bowser and Ness_

"We're taking a taxi," said Bowser, "Apparently it could be a walk so we just hope this doesn't make us run out of money…"

_Computer Room_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Oh no!" said Pikachu, looking around, "The others have left! Us and Fox and Samus are the bottom two!"

"Work quicker!" screamed Jigglypuff.

They started to bash the remains of the computer harder and harder with their fine baseball bats.

_Fox and Samus_

"Are you looking up the clue?" said Samus angrily, playing graphic games online.

"Yeah," said Fox angrily, printing smut to the printer in the children's reading room, "Are you looking up the clue!"

"Of course!" said Samus angrily, clicking away furiously.

_Uncle Chuck's Diner_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We passed two teams because we took a taxi," said Ness, running into the diner, "So we're in first place now."

"SPEED BUMP?!" said Bowser dramatically, pointing to a board in front of them.

"Speed Bump!" said Master Hand, "A speed bump is a task that only Bowser and Ness must complete to receive their next clue, having come last in the last leg! In this speed bump, they must eat _the best chocolate hedgehog in mobotropolis_… a whole, 600 gram portion of it!"  
"Once they have eaten this hearty portion they will be allowed to take their next clue… but they must hurry, as this task could cost a lot of time!"

"Drat, an eating task!" said Ness, sitting down in front of the massive chocolate plate.

"Don't worry son!" said Bowser happily, "It's candy! Everyone loves candy!"

_Two minutes later…_

"Auugh!" screamed Bowser, clutching his stomach, "I hate this stupid task! We're going to come last! I can't eat anymore!"

"Dad, you've eaten like… half a mouthful…" said Ness angrily.

"Well, what have you eaten?" snarled Bowser.

"This," said Ness, pointing to the large amounts of chocolate taken from the plate.

…

"Well done, son!" said Bowser, smiling.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here it is!" said Snake, running into the diner, taking a clue. "Make your way to the Royal Army Headquarters!"

"Teams must now travel seven kilometres to this place… the Royal Army Headquarters!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive in this famous academy for soldiers, they will enter the main gate and find their next clue!"

"Bye, suckers!" laughed Snake, running out.

"Are you typecasting me?" said Kirby angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Royal Army Headquarters!" read Mewtwo.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Speed Bump_

"This is so unfair…" said Bowser, chewing down on his chocolate, "We're ten times the better racer than Snake and Yoshi and yet they're ahead of us… I hope they get eliminated…"

"Just concentrate on the task, dad!" said Ness, chewing.

_Computer Room_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Look!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to the pad Falco was writing on before, "The computer has produced a piece of paper which has told us the way to go!"

"Cool, let's show it to the desk people!" said Pikachu, shuffling along.

_Fox and Samus_

"Hey, this is it," said Fox, "Let's get to the front desk!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Uncle Chuck's?" said Jigglypuff to the librarian.

"Yes!" replied the librarian.

"Hurrah!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu, running out.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Uncle Chuck's Diner," said Fox.

"Yes," said the librarian.

_Uncle Chuck's Diner_

_Bowser and Ness  
On Speed Bump_

"Son…" gasped Bowser, "I don't think I can eat anymore… I tried as hard as I could, but I have to stop, I'm full! You're going to have to… go on without me!"

"Okay, Dad! I know you were trying well!" said Ness, chewing down.

"One deep fried vulture!" said the waiter, delivering a plate of deep fried bird with chips and fatty tomato sauce squeezed all over it.

"Gunf! Gunf! Gunf!" chomped Bowser, consuming the entire 6kg-large plate.

"You call that being full?" said Ness angrily.

"Son, I'm trying to maintain a healthy diet here!" said Bowser angrily.

…

"And here's the excess fat you ordered!" said the waiter, putting down a plate full of oil and fat onto the table.

"Gunf! Gunf! Gunf!" chomped Bowser, consuming the fat in its entirety.

…

"Healthy diet!" said Bowser angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Royal Army Headquarters!" said Pikachu.

"Good luck, guys!" said Jigglypuff, running out.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Almost done, son!" said Bowser, taking the last piece.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Royal Army Headquarters!" read Fox.

"Let's hurry," said Samus, running out,

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"Done!" said Bowser, holding up his plate.

"Get your clue," said the waiter.

"Let's go!" said Bowser.

_Downtown Mobotropolis_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Dude, this red light is taking forever," said Mewtwo.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"I hope our driver knows where he's going…" said Yoshi uncertainly, sitting at the back of the taxi.

"Relax! I'm sure we'll be able to ask one of the local Bolivians," laughed Snake heartily, pointing to the 'Welcome to Bolivia' sign on the side of the road.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We left in second place but there's no sign of Snake and Yoshi…" said Mewtwo, sitting back as their taxi stood still at the red light.

"Dude, I think this means that this is our leg to shine," said Falco. "We're obviously really far in front of all of the other teams."

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi pulled up next to Falco's.

"Hi Mewtwo! Hi Falco!" said Pikachu cheerfully.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu made exaggerated waving movements to Mewtwo and Falco.

"Damn it!" said Falco angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and son_

"Look, son! We've caught up!" said Bowser excitedly, pointing to several taxis in front of them, "We're still in this, son!"

_Royal Army Headquarters_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Get out," said Yoshi, running towards the clue box.

"Road Block," read Yoshi, "Who's ready for some national service?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!"  
"In this Road Block, that team member must go through a daily training exercise performed by cadets! This exercise is part of the boot camp program, that team member must: crawl under barbed wire for 100 metres, go through an obstacle course which involves climbing over walls, climb up a ladder four storeys where at the top, they must use a sniper rifle to hit a gas canister! Once the gas is released, they will be handed their next clue!"

"Well," laughed Yoshi, "This is going to be a very hard decision to make…"

Yoshi looked up.

"GAAAH!" screamed Snake, wielding a handgun, shooting wildly at nearby tourists and guards.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi hysterically, "The course! Go through the course! You don't need to shoot at anyone!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block," read Mewtwo, "Who's ready for some national service?"

"I can handle a gun, I'll do it," said Falco.

_Barbed Wire Course_

_Snake_

"Go Snake!" cheered Yoshi from the sideline, Snake running towards the barbed wire course.

…

"Uh…" said Yoshi, "…maybe you should climb under it, Snake…"

"Crawling is for sissies!" said Snake angrily, walking straight through the barbed wire, the ligaments in his legs becoming impaled in the sharp metal.

_Falco_

"Yeah, legit," said Falco shiftily, being levitated over the barbed wire course from Mewtwo's telekinesis.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You do it, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Okay," said Pikachu, walking towards the course.

"Don't forget your lunch!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, holding up a paper bag full of sandwiches.

"Jigglypuff, stop treating me like my mother!" said Pikachu angrily, "I don't need lunch! Why do you think I'd need lunch! It's a short task!"

"Well honey," said Jigglypuff, "I couldn't break this to you any other way… but… you're un-coordinated."

…

"I am not!" said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff hit Pikachu over the head with a rake.

"If you were co-ordinated you would have stopped that," said Jigglypuff sweetly.

Pikachu bled to death.

"Tum, tum tum," hummed Jigglypuff, walking off to the vending machine.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Fox.

…

"…with you," said Fox sexily.

Samus snapped Fox's neck.

"Why haven't I just been resorting back to my usual violent ways?" said Samus angrily.

Samus spotted an oversized anthropomorphic animal in the distance.

"That's right…" said Samus, in a trance, "Mr. Squirrel hates it when I sin… he doesn't like it when I sin… haw… haw… haw…"

Samus quickly pulled a paper bag out of her pocket and hyperventilated.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'll do it," said Bowser.

_Obstacle Course_

_Snake_

"Unggh!" screamed Snake, hurling himself over a two metre brick wall.

"Hmm… hmm…" hummed Falco, walking through a door on the side of the same wall.

_Barbed Wire Course_

_Pikachu_

"You're doing awesome, honey!" said Jigglypuff, munching down on some expensive chocolate she bought from the gift shop.

"Do you have to buy so much?" said Pikachu angrily, his short stature allowing him to run under the barbed wire, "We're going to run out of money at this rate! We might miss a cab!"

"Oh, don't worry," said Jigglypuff deviously, pointing to the orphanage donation box, "I have my ways of getting money…"

A coughing orphan walked up to Jigglypuff. "Please, miss… we need the money… (cough) we need the money… the donations are our life… our-"

"EFBIYWUEBI!" screamed Jigglypuff, eating the child.

_Fox_

"Hey barbed wire," said Fox sexily, "You're looking rather… _sharp today_…"

Fox stood up to make out with his, causing his skin to be impaled on the sharp metal.

"Ow!" said Fox angrily.

_Bowser_

"How am I supposed to go through this freaking barbed wire?" said Bowser angrily, his shell collecting the barbed wire.

_Obstacle Course_

_Snake_

"You're beating him!" cheered Yoshi from the sideline, Snake trudging through a waterlogged trench, "Let's go!"

_Falco_

"Hurry up," said Mewtwo, Falco several metres behind Snake, "You're ages behind Snake! You'll lose the race for us!"

"He's two metres in front of me!" said Falco angrily.

…

_Pikachu_

"And then this mean big ol' turtle just jumped on the orphan and ate him…" cried Jigglypuff to the policeman.

_Fox_

"Hey wall…" said Fox sexily, "You seem like you're pretty… hard…"

Fox started to grope the wall.

"This isn't as sexy as I pictured it to be," said Fox angrily.

Bowser walked past, the barbed wire hanging off his shell scraping Fox's skin off.

"ADUYGW!" screamed Fox.

_Snake_

"Oh look, Snake!" said Falco deviously, "There's a note that I found on the ground…"

Falco handed it to Snake. "Stay here for five minutes and meet me, I shall reveal to you my evil communist plan. No-one must know about this. Signed, head communist," read Snake.

Snake gasped. "This is in the interests of National Security, Falco! Be off! Be safe before they hurt you too! This is a special operation!"

Falco was already well away.

"That's a safe lad there," said Snake.

Yoshi came back from the bathroom. "Snake, what are you doing?"

"If I told you, they'd kill you…" remarked Snake, triumphant music playing in the background.

Roll credits.

_Pikachu_

Pikachu trudged through the muddy trench and reached Snake. He ran past him.

_Bowser_

Bowser passed Snake.

"Oh, poor Snakey!" taunted Bowser, "Does he want to have a rest? Loser."

"Shut up!" said Snake angrily, "If you knew the sacrifices I was making today to protect **your freedom**, you would take this gun and shoot yourself! Like I am going to do in my next game! Spoiler alert!"

Bowser blinked.

_Fox_

"Hey Snake…" said Fox sexily, walking up to Snake, "…can I play with your… Snake?"

Snake blinked.

Continued Fox, "The innuendo of this line is referring to your male-"

A TV station call sign played for the next sixteen seconds, a relatively high pitched tone playing in the background.

"…reproduction," said Fox sexily.

"Dude, that was so unnecessary," said Snake angrily. "Besides, I have an important meeting with the communists!"

"Communists?" laughed Fox, "That's probably a Mewtwo and Falco trick there. What kind of idiot would fall for that?"

Snake's eyes fumed.

"You… didn't fall for it, right?" said Fox.

Snake's eyes fumed.

"But seriously," said Fox sexily in a serious manner, "Can we do the thing that I was describing before?"

Snake's eyes fumed.

_Rope Ladders_

_Falco_

"Hmm… hmm..." hummed Falco, climbing up a ladder.

_Obstacle Course_

_Bowser_

Bowser walked through a muddy trench.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Snake in a warrior-style cry, sprinting at full speed through the course.

_Rope Ladders_

_Falco_

"La… la…" hummed Falco, climbing up the ladder casually.

_Obstacle Course_

_Pikachu_

Pikachu, exhausted, started to walk through the last trench.

"GAAAH!" screamed Snake angrily, running past Pikachu.

_Rope Ladders_

_Falco_

"La… la…" hummed Falco, climbing up the ladder.

"DIE!" screamed Snake, shooting Falco several times in the back.

Falco choked, falling to the ground, coughing up blood. Snake took Falco by the neck and pinned him up against a wall. "Were you the one that made the note about the communists?"

"No!" cried Falco.

"Oh," said Snake sweetly, dropping Falco to the ground.

Falco died.

"It was probably an evil plot by Bowser and Ness!" said Snake angrily, climbing up the rope ladder.

Snake, full of adrenaline, reached the top and using a sniper rifle, shot a gas canister.

He took the clue.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Good job, Snake!" said Yoshi, Snake running towards him.

"Make your way on foot to the Julayla Memorial Garden!" read Snake, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Teams must navigate the complicated local streets and make their way on foot to the Julayla Memorial Garden!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive at this memorial uh… for… the memorial for… uh… well…"  
"This place contains the last of five yields on the race! When a team uses their Yield, they can make another team stop for a predetermined amount of time, by forcing them to stop racing and flip over this hourglass! Teams may only use their yield power once, and in the final five, being yielded could mean being put in last place!"

"Let's go," said Yoshi.

"We're going to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake angrily.

Snake and Yoshi ran off.

Loud shrieking string music played, as the camera panned on Yoshi's bag, lying on the ground.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Warning! Yield Ahead!" read Falco.

"Dude, we don't want them to yield us," said Mewtwo, "Let's beat them to it and convince them to get another team…"

_Rope Ladders_

_Fox_

"Come on, Fox! Hurry up!" said Samus from the sideline, Fox slowly crawling up the ladder.

_Bowser_

"How is this stupid thing supposed to hold me?" said Bowser anxiously, the rope at the top beginning to disintegrate.

_Pikachu_

"Come on, Pikie!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Look dude, they're so slow," laughed Falco, passing Snake and Yoshi on the sidewalk.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Why can't I run quickly?" moaned Snake, several dozen orphans latching onto the back of his backpack.

"Teehee!" laughed a green elf from inside Snake's backpack.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Warning! Yield Ahead!" read Fox.

"Let's beat them and yield them," said Samus.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Hurry up!" said Jigglypuff angrily, Pikachu only a metre above the ground.

"I'm exhausted!" said Pikachu angrily, puffing.

"You know why you're exhausted?" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Because you're unfit!"

Jigglypuff smiled, "You wouldn't be unfit if you did aerobics with me!"

"Step! Step!" said Jigglypuff happily, emulating her aerobics movements onto a nearby rock.

Jigglypuff panted, exhausted. "Okay… that's enough for today…"

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're so going to get Snake and Yoshi back," said Bowser angrily, walking along.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're pretty confident we're going the right way," said Mewtwo, jogging along the sidewalk.

_Fox and Samus_

"Mewtwo and Falco deserve to be yielded," said Fox, running along, "We're gonna beat them there."

_Bowser and Ness_

"We haven't seen Snake or Yoshi, but we want to beat them so that we can yield them," said Bowser, walking along.

"Take this way, it's a shortcut!" said Ness, pointing to a nearby rocky path.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"The dad and the kid must go…" said Snake.

Lots of shots of the tense teams played.

_Bowser and Ness_

"This is the park, Dad!" said Ness excitedly, "We took the side street and we're here! We're already here!"

_Fox and Samus_

"There's Bowser and Ness ahead," said Fox, trailing the father and son team by a short distance, "Let's try and beat them!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

Snake and Yoshi turned a corner and reached the park entrance.

"There it- Oh my gosh, there's two other teams there!" said Yoshi, shocked.

"Sprint!" said Snake, running in.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There's three teams up ahead!" said Falco, pointing in the distance.

_Julayla Memorial Park_

_Bowser and Ness_

"Run Dad, run!" screamed Ness, entering the park complex.

_Fox and Samus_

"We gotta find the Yield! We gotta find the Yield!" said Fox desperately, looking around.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There it is!" screamed Snake, running past Fox and Samus, pointing ahead.

"Run! Run!" screamed Ness, just in front of Snake.

_Yield_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Snake and Ness, neck-and-neck, ran towards the Yield mat. Snake bumped Ness on the sign and beat him to it, taking a counter. Snake did a victory dance.

"Yes!" cheered Yoshi from miles away.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We choose to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake to the camera, sticking two stickers onto the board.

Yoshi took a clue. "Travel three kilometres to the Market!"

"Teams must now travel three kilometres to this market!" said Master Hand.

…

"What were you expecting, a hug?" said Master Hand angrily.

"Snake! My bag!" said Yoshi, shocked, "I left it at the army place!"

"More like, **you** left it at the army place!" said Snake angrily.

"That's what I said!" said Yoshi, hysterically.

"More like, that's what **you** said!" said Snake angrily.

"Snake! This is exactly what I'm saying!" said Yoshi angrily.

"More like, this is exactly what **you're** saying!" said Snake angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Yielded_

"It's karma's time," said Bowser angrily, "Snake and Yoshi are going to be eliminated today… it's their time."

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You're going to stop, okay?!" said Yoshi angrily.

"More like, **I'm** going to stop, okay?!" said Snake angrily.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

…

"More like…" said Snake wittily.

…

"…you shut up," said Snake wittily.

…

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Travel three kilometres to the Market!" read Mewtwo.

"Where are you guys going?" said Falco.

"We're getting Yoshi's bag back from the army place!" said Snake.

"Um…" said Falco, improvising, "I don't think it would be there… because I recall seeing your bags… at the library!"

"To the library!" declared Snake.

_Snake and Yoshi_

Snake and Yoshi jumped into a taxi.

"Take us to the library!" declared Snake.

"You sure you trust those guys?" said Yoshi suspiciously, "I'm pretty sure that they were lying…"

"Do you not trust their word?" said Snake angrily, pointing out the window at the shifty looking Mewtwo and Falco.

"…no," said Yoshi angrily.

"Well Yoshi," said Snake earnestly, "To make sure we do find the bag… how about we backtrack to every single place we've been just so we make that we do get your bag, okay Yoshi?"

"I guess you're right, Snake!" said Yoshi happily.

"Okay," said Snake, thinking systematically, "Now what was the first place that we went to?"

"Uh… the library?" said Yoshi.

"Then let's go to the library!" declared Snake.

_At the gun store…_

"How is this the library?" said Yoshi angrily, "You're so freaking stupid, Snake! The only damn thing you care about is your guns and blowing up stuff! You don't even care about our friendship! Our friendship! Our friendship! Is this what this race means to you? Free spending money on guns? Well I don't think so Snake, because-"

Snake loaded his rifle.

"Oh, and what are you going to do with that?" said Yoshi angrily.

Snake aimed.

"Fine then, shoot me!" said Yoshi angrily, "See how-"

Yoshi realised what he just said.

…

And gulped.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Travel three kilometres to the Market!" read Samus.

_Bowser and Ness  
Yielded_

"According to Mewtwo and Falco, Snake and Yoshi are looking for a lost bag," said Bowser happily, "So hopefully that gives us enough time to beat them."

_Sniper Tower_

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie!" cheered Jigglypuff from the bottom.

"I'm sorry, hon!" said Pikachu, frustrated, trying to pick up the gun, "This gun is just too heavy! I can't pick it up!"

"Yes you can!" said Jigglypuff, inspirationally, "If you just believe in yourself, then you can accomplish anything!"

"Really?" said Pikachu cheerfully.

"No," said Jigglypuff, climbing up the rope ladder, "But they're going to put that in and hopefully edit out the part where I help you cheat. I'll hold the gun for you and you can aim!"

The cameraman stared suspiciously at Jigglypuff.

"I'm cute, aren't I?" said Jigglypuff, flicking the swirl on the top of her head cutely.

"Aww…" said the cameraman.

Jigglypuff quickly threw a rock at the cameraman in an attempt to make him pass out.

She missed.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"…I'm cute?" said Jigglypuff happily.

The cameraman stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

_Market_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Detour!" said Mewtwo after opening the clue, "Sell it or Search it?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Sell it, or search it!"  
"In Sell it, teams must go to this nearby market stall and pick up a sack of seven kilos of local produce! Once teams sell all of this produce for a set price per kilo, they will be handed their next clue!"  
"This task may seem easy, but some bags will be easier to sell than others! If one team quits or changes bags, that will advantage other teams as any stock they would have sold would lighten the load for other teams! There are seven bags, which all carry a different produce! These are: bananas, apples, watermelons, milk, chocolate, meat and good luck charms!"  
"In Search it, teams must walk 300 metres to this nearby mud bath, the largest in the entire planet and search amongst the mud and dumped bodies for their next clue! It is however, muddy. …which is bad."

"It's getting a bit dark," said Mewtwo, looking up, "Let's sell stuff."

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Let's Sell It," said Samus.

_Julayla Memorial Park_

_Bowser and Ness  
Yielded_

"We're almost done, son!" said Bowser.

"I love you, dad," said Ness, hugging Bowser.  
"Sure you do," said Bowser, shrugging Ness off.

…

Ness whimpered.

_Market_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Sell It_

"Hmm… choose a bag, Falco," said Mewtwo.

"Let's take the milk!" said Falco happily, taking the bag full of one-litre cartons, "Selling seven cartons of milk should be a cinch!"

High pitched string music played in the background.

"Why do I always feel like there's eerie background music every time we make the wrong decision?" said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
On Sell It_

"Let's take bananas, bananas should be easy to sell," said Samus, taking a sack.

Fox took a banana from the bag and held it, smiling slyly.

"You know what bananas remind me of?" said Fox sexily.

"Oh boy," said Samus.

"You know what this reminds you of?" said Fox sexily.

…

"You know what it reminds you of?" said Fox sexily.

…

"Monkeys," said Fox sexily.

…

"…mooonkeeeys…" said Fox sexily.

…

"…loooove…" said Fox sexily.

…

"…bananas…" said Fox sexily.

"I'm immensely aroused," said Samus.

_Royal Army Headquarters_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way on foot to the Julayla Memorial Garden!" read Pikachu, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Well done, Pikie! You did it all by yourself!" said Jigglypuff, smiling goofily in Pikachu's face.

"Whatever," said Pikachu, scampering along.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Okay, we're here," said Yoshi, running along, "Let's try and find my bag…"

…

"Here it is!" said Yoshi excitedly, "We found my bag! We found my bag!"

Yoshi picked his bag up. He jumped from shock, realising the bag was quite light.

Yoshi opened the zip and inspected the contents of the bag. "There's nothing in the bag, Snake! There's nothing in the bag! Where's my stuff?" said Yoshi hysterically.

"Oh!" chuckled Snake heartily, "I took all of the stuff from your bag and put it into my bag! I figured you could use a break!"

Yoshi stared shocked for a few moments, before he started to shake from anger. "Why the hell didn't you tell me this? If you told me all of my stuff was in your bag, we wouldn't have to have wasted **HALF AN HOUR! **We're in last place!"

"Oh yeah?" said Snake angrily, "More like… _**we're**_ in last place!"

"_**THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!**_" screamed Yoshi.

_Julayla Memorial Park_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Travel three kilometres to the Market!" read Bowser.

"Dad, we're still in this!" said Ness excitedly.

"Not after I kill you!" screamed Bowser, hitting Ness over the back with a rake.

Ness died.

"…why the hell did I do that?" screamed Bowser angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Travel three kilometres to the Market!" read Pikachu.

"Pikie, we're last!" said Jigglypuff, shocked, pointing to the yield sign.

"We better hurry then!" said Pikachu.

_Market_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Selling Milk: 4kg left_

"Four cartons left," said Falco, "Come on, we have to beat Fox and Samus."

_Fox and Samus  
Selling Bananas: 2kg left_

"Bananas! Get your bananas!" shouted Samus to the market.

"Half a kilo, three dollars sir!" said Fox in a businessman-like manner, taking the cash over.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"If there's one thing that we're really good at," said Samus proudly, "It's selling stuff. We've created a multi-million dollar empire and if we have to sell anything or market anything we'll be the first ones out of there!"

"Yeah!" said Fox happily, "We even managed to sell people! As illegal as it is, we managed to sell tens of thousands of people!"

Samus pointed to the camera and made throat-slitting actions to Fox.

"You know how hard that is to market?" said Fox loudly in a drunken manner, "I mean, there's the whole legality issue and everything but… we've sold thousands of people!"

"_You're on camera,_" whispered Samus really loudly, "_You're blowing our cover, nitwit!_"

"You know what else you're going to blow?" said Fox sexily.

The police ran in and arrested Fox and Samus.

"Damn it!" said Fox angrily, "Didn't get to finish my line!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Selling Milk: 4kg_

"I'll buy four cartons off you!" said some random lady.

"That's eight bucks!" said Falco sweetly.

"50 cents…" said the lady, taking out a coin, "1 dollar…"

_Fox and Samus  
Selling Bananas: 1.5 kg left_

"You know what, sir?" said Fox, raising his eyebrows, "I'll give you one and a half kilos for nine bucks, is that good?"

"Deal!" said some random guy, handing over fifty dollars in cash.

"Yes! We're done!" said Samus excitedly.

"Wait!" said Fox, shocked, "He gave us forty-one dollars more than we need!"

"Well what's the problem? We have more cash! Hurry up!" said Samus angrily.

"But my sense of ethics… is overwhelming!" said Fox, crushed.

"We've been selling people for the last ten years, for cripes sake!" said Samus angrily.

"Like… real people?" said Fox, shocked.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Selling Milk: 4kg left_

"Six dollars and fifty cents," said the lady, handing over another fifty cent coin. "Seven dollars…"

_Fox and Samus  
Finished Detour_

"Come on, get to the desk," said Samus, dragging Fox along to the market owner.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Selling Milk: 4.5 kg left_

"Eight dollars!" said the lady.

"Shut up, woman!" screamed Mewtwo, choking her with his telekinesis.

"Mewtwo! She was done!" said Falco, shocked.

"Eh, she'll live," said Mewtwo.

She didn't.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're done!" said Fox, handing over the empty sack.

Samus took a clue. "Take a taxi to the pit stop, the civic centre! You must enter the building through the south entrance! Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!"

"Teams must now take a taxi a distance of three kilometres to the Civic Centre, the ninth pit stop in a race around the world!" said Master Hand, "They may enter the complex at any point, but they must enter this large building by the south entrance, or they will not be able to check in! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive… …may be eliminated."

"Oh look, there's a Fast Forward here too!" said Fox excitedly.

"Why the hell would we need a Fast Forward? We just have to go to the freaking Pit Stop!" said Samus angrily.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "A Fast Forward allows a team to skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop! In this fast-"

"We're already going to the freaking pit stop!" said Samus angrily, "Who the hell would fall for such a stupid thing?"

"I would!" cried Fox, running in tears towards the taxi rank.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Take a taxi to the civic centre! You must enter the building through the south entrance! Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Falco.

"Come on!" said Mewtwo desperately, pointing to Fox and Samus, just seconds away, "This is our chance to get in first place! Let's go!"

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Taxi! Damn it! Where's a taxi?" said Fox desperately.

A taxi pulled up.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

Mewtwo and Falco ran past Fox and Samus, and jumped into the oncoming taxi.

"Take us to the civic centre!" screamed Falco, "Drive! Drive! Drive!"

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Damn it! Stooged again!" said Fox angrily.

Another taxi pulled up onto the rank. Fox and Samus jumped into the car.

"Go to the civic centre!" said Fox, "Quick! Quick!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We've played every single dirty trick to get here, I think this is our leg!" squeaked Mewtwo excitedly.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"I'll give you ten bucks to shoot the red," said Samus, throwing a bit of their market-earned money at the taxi driver.

The taxi driver sped through a red light, narrowly squeezing through two cars going through a green light.

_Civic Centre_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Here it is!" said Mewtwo excitedly, jumping out.

"Let's go!" said Falco, throwing cash at the driver.

_Fox and Samus_

"Is that Mewtwo and Falco?" said Samus, pointing to two dark figures running up the steps of the civic centre.

"It is, let's get out!" said Fox, handing the driver cash and running to the centre.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Come on, sprint, he's gotta be here somewhere!" said Mewtwo, running through an art gallery and several offices.

"There's Master Hand!" said Falco, pointing to the pit stop mat located behind a large glass window.

"How do we get in? How do we get in?" said Mewtwo, shocked.

"Break the glass!" screamed Falco excitedly, picking up a brick.

_Fox and Samus_

"They've probably got lost," said Samus, jogging up the stairs, "Keep on running!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo broke the glass wall and climbed into the main room, running onto the pit stop mat.

"Yess!" cheered Mewtwo excitedly.

"Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand.

Mewtwo and Falco smiled with glee.

"…you are the first team to arrive!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" cheered Mewtwo and Falco, doing a high-five.

"We did it! We did it!" screamed Falco, taking a bottle of champagne out of his pocket and beginning to tip it over himself and Mewtwo.

"…however," said Master Hand, trying to restrict himself from giggling, "I cannot check you in, as you did not follow the clue! You did not come through the south entrance!"

"WHAT?!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison, outraged.

"Come on! Let's do this!" screamed Falco desperately, climbing through the glass and running out of the civic centre.

_Fox and Samus_

"Wait, read the clue again," said Samus, pointing to a sign that said 'East Entrance', "I don't think this is right…"

"Go through the south entrance!" read Fox on the clue.

"We went past there!" said Samus, shocked, "Let's go back there!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"It's so damn dark! I can't see a thing! I don't want this to happen!" cried Falco, running along.

"There it is!" said Mewtwo, pointing to a large overhead sign saying, 'South Entrance'.

_Fox and Samus_

"South Entrance, run up!" screamed Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Oh no! Oh no!" screamed Falco, pointing to Fox and Samus, running up the large staircase in front of them. "They're freaking beating us!"

_Fox and Samus_

"Almost there!" said Fox, his thighs hurting, sweat trickling down his neck, powering through the last few steps of the large entrance.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Mewtwo, sprinting up the stairs.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Fox and Samus jogged onto the pit stop mat. Mewtwo and Falco, sprinting, trailed several seconds behind.

"Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily.

"Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "You are… team number one!"

"Yes!" cheered Fox and Samus, hugging each other, before Samus realised that she was hugging Fox and then she pushed him away because Fox was attempting to touch her.

"Awesome!" cheered Fox.

"…and I have some good news," said Master Hand, "You've both won a scooter!"

"But _**I**_ want a scooter!" cried Falco.

"Dude, we're multi-millionaires," said Mewtwo angrily, "You can freaking _buy_ a scooter if you want, okay?"

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number two," said Master Hand.

"That's alright," said Mewtwo, shrugging.

"Now Fox and Samus, you are now the most successful Amazing Race team of all time," said Master Hand, "You are officially the _**first**_ team to win four legs of this race!"

"Awesome," said Fox.

"I understand thing are a bit tense between you two teams," said Master Hand, "You've yielded them and from what I just heard… stolen a taxi… I mean… doesn't it bother you that you've almost always been beaten by Fox and Samus?"

"Well," said Falco, "That's not gonna matter when we have the million dollars in our hands."

"Dude, we're multi-millionaires," said Mewtwo angrily, "We don't even need to win this stupid game. In fact, this entire freaking show **sucks!**"

…

…

_Market_

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We'll search it," said Bowser. "Come on son, we'll beat Snake and Yoshi and get 'em eliminated."

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Search, Yoshi," said Snake. "We want to see Bowser and Ness crumple and fall…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Search for stuff!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

_Mudbath_

A shot of the daylight sun turning to dark played.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Search It_

Snake and Yoshi jogged into the mud bath complex.

"Man, we have to search through all of this?" said Yoshi, shocked.

"Find the clue," said Snake, "This will be easier than selling stuff!"

"Snake, it's completely dark! I can't see a thing!" said Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Search It_

"Look through the mud carefully, it could be really deep down…" said Pikachu.

_Bowser and Ness  
On Search It_

"Son, this is a three-way dead heat for last place," said Bowser, trudging through the mud, "Just use your senses… we can't see anything…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Snake, I'm uneasy about this place…" said Yoshi, patting through the mud in the dark, "I can't see a thing! And I feel like… there's stuff here that shouldn't be here…"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Son! I think I found something! I think I found something!" said Bowser excitedly, patting some kind of carcass in the mud.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Is there… supposed to be quicksand here?" said Pikachu uncertainly, sinking in the mud in the dark.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Snake… I'm getting scared now…" said Yoshi, sinking into the quicksand, "I really don't think this should be happening…"

"You'll be right!" laughed Snake, several metres away.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikachu, is that you?" said Jigglypuff in the dark, patting a human skeleton, "I think it is! I think it is!"

Jigglypuff kissed the skeleton. "I love you, honey!"

…

"Fine then! Don't respond!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"HELP! HELP!" screamed Pikachu, sinking in the nearby quicksand.

"Did you help me when we had to get our eight hundred thousand dollar Ferrari repossessed when they found out that I used fraudulent credit card details?" said Jigglypuff angrily. "No! Hmmph!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Come on, we need to search for one of these damn clues," said Snake, "It's getting dark!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"It's too dark! I can't find any clues!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Bowser and Ness_

"This is stupid, Dad!" said Ness angrily, "We should quit!"

"Where's the freaking entrance to this place then?" said Bowser, terrified, clutching his son tightly in the dark.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I found it!" said Pikachu excitedly, holding up a clue.

"Come on! Let's go!" cheered Pikachu, scampering through the dark to the outside of the mud bath complex.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Pikachu, under a dim street light, opened the clue. "Take a taxi to the pit stop, the civic centre! You must enter the building through the south entrance! Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

_Bowser and Ness_

"They're done, son!" said Bowser, shocked.

"Dad, let's change tasks, we have to act quick," said Bowser, pointing to the exit.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Should we quit too?" said Snake.

"Yeah," said Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're heading towards the pit stop," said Pikachu, in a taxi, "We just hope that they don't suddenly get the clue because, I think they can outrun us both."

_Market_

_Bowser and Ness  
On Sell It_

"Let's do this quick," said Ness, running up to the sacks of produce.

"Chocolate," said Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Sell It_

"We have to sell better than them!" said Snake desperately, pointing to Bowser and Ness, carrying a sack in front of them.

"Watermelons!" said Yoshi, choosing a sack, "There's only five of them! We can sell them!"

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 6kg left_

"We're selling like crazy!" said Bowser excitedly, handing out countless 50 gram packets of chocolates, "We can sell this all!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Watermelons: 7kg left_

"Watermelons?" said Yoshi to a passer-by.

The man shook his head.

"Damn, we can't sell any," said Yoshi, bummed.

"We don't want to lose to them…" said Snake nervously.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 5.5kg left_

"We're being flocked!" said Ness excitedly, taking handfuls of coins and stuffing them into a bag, "They haven't even sold anything yet!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Watermelons: 7kg left_

"No-one wants to buy these stupid watermelons!" said Snake angrily.

"Hey, we have a torch, right?" said Yoshi, a light bulb appearing over his head.

"Yeah," said Snake.

"Finding clues in the mud would be a cinch if we just used a torch!" said Yoshi excitedly.

"Okay! Let's switch again!" said Snake nervously, running off.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 4.5kg left_

"We have about 50 packets of chocolate left," said Bowser.

"We can do this dad," said Ness, "…oh my gosh! They just quit again!"

_Civic Centre_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran up the steps and into the building, running onto the pit stop.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "You're the third team to arrive!"

"Yess!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu, hugging each other.

"However," said Master Hand, "I cannot check you in at this point of time. The Road Block is a task that can only be completed by one person, and according to this report, you completed the Road Block together."

"_No," said Jigglypuff, climbing up the rope ladder, "But they're going to put that in and hopefully edit out the part where I help you cheat. I'll hold the gun for you and you can aim!"_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared, shocked.

"But we cheat all the time-" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu quickly covered Jigglypuff's mouth. "What uh… she means to say is that we didn't know that we couldn't do it together…"

"That's not good enough," said Master Hand, "You're in leg nine of the race. This means, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you have encountered a **30-minute time penalty**. I cannot check you two in until thirty minutes from now."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 29:59_

"Oh no!" said Pikachu, shocked.

"We're done for!" cried Jigglypuff.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 2.8kg left_

"My chocolate brings all the boys to the yard…" said Bowser, handing out more packets of chocolate.

"Right…" said Ness.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Search It_

"You know what?" said Snake angrily, "Let's switch again! I don't want to get muddy again!"

"Fine!" said Yoshi angrily, "Can we make up our freaking mind?"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 26:47_

"I'm so sorry," sobbed Jigglypuff, "We're going to get eliminated and it's all because I wanted to cheat, Pikie!"

"It's okay!" cried Pikachu.

"I promise I'll never cheat again!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff quickly smiled and winked.

"I saw that," said Master Hand angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 0.9kg left_

"We're almost done!" said Bowser excitedly.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Lucky Charms: 7kg left_

"Lucky charms! Lucky charms!" laughed Yoshi crazily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 23:12_

"This is so nerve-wracking…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 0.8kg left_

"We're almost done!" said Bowser excitedly.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Lucky Charms: 7kg left_

"Meat! Get your meat!" laughed Yoshi crazily.

"Watermelons! Five dollars a watermelon!" screamed Snake.

_Bowser and Ness  
Selling Chocolate: 0.3kg left_

"Three packets to go!" said Bowser excitedly.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 19:47_

"I think we're out of this, honey!" sobbed Pikachu.

_Mud Bath_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Search It_

"Are we going to stick to a freaking task?!" screamed Yoshi hysterically, "We've changed task and produce twenty freaking times!"

"We're sticking with this task, okay?" said Snake, "I promise Yoshi, I promise!"

_Market_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Apples: 7kg Left_

"WHAT ABOUT YOUR FREAKING PROMISE?!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"I have a good feeling about this one," said Snake calmly, knitting.

"You had a good feeling about **freaking everything!**" screamed Yoshi angrily.

_Bowser and Ness  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're done!" said Bowser proudly.

"Come on!" said Ness, opening the clue. "Take a taxi to the pit stop, the civic centre!"

"Have fun going home, guys!" said Bowser angrily, running past Snake and Yoshi.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Selling Watermelons: 7kg left_

"How is the way I make my bed related _**at all to the race?!**_" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"Shut up! Shut up!" screamed a store owner, running up to Snake and Yoshi, "Stop arguing! Your arguing is scaring the customers away! Look! What are you selling? I'll buy it all, damn it! I'll buy it all!"

"I'll buy your soul!" screamed Snake, aiming his gun.

"No! No!" screamed Yoshi desperately.

Yoshi quickly handled the transaction and took the money.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take a taxi to the pit stop, the civic centre! You must enter the building through the south entrance! Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Yoshi.

"Let's run!" screamed Snake.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 12:21_

"Even if they finished the task just then, it's only three k's… they'll still get here," said Pikachu, tense.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Can we get in?" said Bowser to a taxi driver.

"Sorry! You're muddy! I can't let you in!" said the taxi driver.

"Damn it!" said Bowser angrily.

"Hose ourselves down!" said Ness desperately.

"I don't want to get eliminated this way! Not this way!" cried Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Can we get in?" said Yoshi to the same taxi driver.

"You have mud! Take off the mud!" said the taxi driver.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 11:12_

"This is the worst way to get eliminated…" cried Jigglypuff, hugging Pikachu.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Here comes Snake and Yoshi!" said Bowser, hosing his son down, "They've finished! Darn it!"

"Dad! They got turned down too… we can do this," said Ness, wiping the mud off his body.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Grab the other hose!" said Yoshi desperately.

Snake quickly picked up the hose and started to spray the mud off Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 9:58_

"Ten minutes left, guys," said Master Hand.

"We might have a chance," said Jigglypuff nervously.

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Can we get in now?" said Bowser.

"You're too wet!" said the taxi driver angrily.

"Look, I'll give you twenty bucks to drive us wet," said Bowser desperately.

"Okay…" said the taxi driver.

"We're in!" said Ness excitedly, "Take us to the civic centre!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Here, put a towel on you," said Yoshi, running towards the taxi rank, handing Snake a towel.

They jumped into a taxi.

"Go to the civic centre!" said Snake.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 7:21_

"This is the most nerve-wracking thing," said Jigglypuff.

_Bowser and Ness_

"Heading to the pit stop, boy!" said Bowser excitedly, "We got at least two minutes I reckon, we can outrun them!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Drive quick!" said Snake, "I'll give you a big tip if you get there quickly…"

_Bowser and Ness_

"They are the lowest competitors we have ever come across," said Bowser angrily, "We deserve to stay in this race. They don't. They're just horrible people."

"We'll beat them," said Ness.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 5:03_

"I just hope they get lost…" said Jigglypuff.

_Civic Centre_

_Bowser and Ness_

"Get out," said Bowser, getting his bags from the boot.

"Let's run, Dad!" said Ness desperately, "The fastest you've ever run, okay?"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"That's Ness and Bowser's taxi!" said Yoshi, shocked.

They got out. Snake took the bags from the boot and dumped them on the ground.

"We'll get it later, we don't need any of that stuff," said Snake, "Just run!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 3:31_

"I hear people," sobbed Jigglypuff, "We're done for!"

_Bowser and Ness_

"It's so damn dark," said Ness, jogging along, "We just need to find the pit stop!"

"Was there anything special on the clue?" said Bowser, jogging through the centre complex.

"Nah, don't think so," said Bowser anxiously.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"I think this is the pit stop! Up here!" said Snake, pointing through a door.

_Bowser and Ness_

"There's the pit stop!" said Bowser, pointing through an entrance.

_Pit Stop  
Time Remaining: 2:04_

Bowser and Ness, followed by Snake and Yoshi ran onto the mat.

"Yes! Suck!" cheered Bowser.

"Bowser and Ness, you are the third team to arrive," said Master Hand.

"Yess!" cheered Ness.

"However, you must enter the building properly before I can check you in. Same with you, Snake and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.

Bowser, Ness, Yoshi, Snake, Jigglypuff and Pikachu all gasped.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 1:38_

"This is so tense!" cried Pikachu, the other two teams running out in desperation.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Where's the south entrance?" screamed Yoshi, "Where's the south entrance?"

_Bowser and Ness_

"Oh God! I can't see!" said Ness, running on the outside of the building, "Please! We need to find this stupid entrance!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 1:01_

"We're praying they both get lost!" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"One minute left!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ness  
Time Remaining: 0:56_

"There's the stupid south entrance!" said Bowser, pointing up a long flight of stairs.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Time Remaining: 0:48_

"There's Bowser and Ness! Follow them!" screamed Yoshi, pointing ten metres in front of them.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Time Remaining: 0:40_

"Get ready to sprint," said Pikachu.

"Rolling out," said Jigglypuff nervously, charging out her roll out, ten metres away from the pit stop.

_Bowser and Ness  
Time Remaining: 0:31_

"Run, Dad!" cried Ness, "We're almost there! We're almost there!"

"Final straight!" screamed Bowser, the pit stop mat about fifty metres in front of them.

"Run Daddy! Push through the pain! Push dad, push!" screamed Ness.

"That sounds so wrong," said Bowser.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Time Remaining: 0:26_

"Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Snake, running up the stairs.

_Bowser and Ness  
Time Remaining: 0:18_

"We're almost there!" said Bowser, the pit stop straight in front of him.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Time Remaining: 0:13_

"Sprint!" screamed Snake, sprint full pelt, Yoshi trailing behind him by half a metre.

_Pit Stop  
Time Remaining: 0:06_

"Uh…" said Master Hand, Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi neck-and-neck, sprinting straight for the pit stop, "I can now check you in, Jigglypuff and Pikachu!"

Snake sprinted onto the mat and spotting Jigglypuff rolling out straight towards him, grabbed with perfect timing and threw him away.

Bowser and Ness ran towards the mat in slow-motion, Snake performing a rugby tackle on Bowser to prevent him from getting onto the mat.

Pikachu scampered on, screaming, "Jigglypuff! Get on here!"

Pikachu punched Ness in the gut just as he was about to reach the pit stop, preventing him from reaching the line.

Jigglypuff, limping, attempted to grab Yoshi as he reached the pit stop. Yoshi jumped over Jigglypuff's short arms and tumbled onto the pit stop.

"Yes!" cheered Snake.

Jigglypuff continued to limp towards the mat.

Ness, regaining consciousness, stood up and walked towards the mat.

Jigglypuff in her drunken state pushed Ness in the stomach, making him fall backwards.

Jigglypuff passed out from heat exhaustion.

Bowser, sprinting full pelt (about 1.5 metres a second) reached the mat.

"Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu.

"Ness!" screamed Bowser.

Jigglypuff, half a metre in front of Ness, walked drunkenly towards the pit stop.

Ness followed about half a metre behind Jigglypuff, also walking drunkenly.

Jigglypuff grabbed a crowbar which was sitting on the side of the mat and hit Ness in the crotch.

After Ness passed out, Jigglypuff fell face first onto the mat.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff with her face on the ground.

"Snake and Yoshi, you're team number three!"

"Yes!" cheered Snake and Yoshi.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number four," said Master Hand.

"That's okay," said Pikachu and Jigglypuff in unison, relieved.

"Bowser and Ness, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Bowser and Ness became teary-eyed.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand, "You have both been eliminated from the race."

"Well," said Bowser, patting his son on the back, "We had some good times together."

_Bowser and Ness  
Father and Son_

"Dad and I might not have won The Amazing Race," said Ness, "But we won the Amazing gift of love, and loving each other as a son and father."

"Aww," said Master Hand.

…

"Uh… yeah… you said it…" said Bowser uncertainly, "Legitimate… son… yeah… woo! Go… us…"

_Bowser and Ness  
Arrived Last_

"Well Master Hand," said Bowser happily, "All I can say is that the race was a once in a lifetime experience! I can't imagine doing it with anyone else!"

Bowser smiled at the camera, teary-eyed.

"Oh yeah?" said Ness angrily, "What about Ganondorf? You went with him!"

"Uh… what are you talking about, son?" said Bowser shiftily.

"And Peach?" said Ness angrily, "You went with her too!"

"What?" said Bowser.

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Samus: 5:11 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 5:12 PM

Snake and Yoshi: 7:20 PM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 7:21 PM (faced 30 minute penalty)

**Bowser and Ness: 7:22 PM – Eliminated**

Thanks for all of your reviews once again! Review, it's the final four it's important and stuff! Say your favourites! Say who you want out! Say who you think will win!

"Next Time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Bowser and Ness are forced to eat a tasty treat!"

"_Auugh!" screamed Bowser, clutching his stomach, "I hate this stupid task! We're going to come last! I can't eat anymore!"_

"_Dad, you've eaten like… half a mouthful…" said Ness angrily._

"Snake and Yoshi reach their melting point after Yoshi leaves his bag behind at the army centre!"

"_Oh yeah?" said Snake angrily, "More like… __**we're**__ in last place!"_

"_**THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!**__" screamed Yoshi._

"And Bowser and Ness get eliminated!"

"_Bowser and Ness, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand._

_Bowser and Ness became teary-eyed._

"_And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand, "You have both been eliminated from the race."_

"And… finish times!"

_Fox and Samus: 5:11 PM_

"Ho, ho, ho, what a hearty chuckle!"


	10. Eight, Damn It!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Five teams set off from Violet City to Mobotropolis in the ninth leg in a race around the world!"

"Teams visited the city library, where they had to work out a puzzle for their next clue! Mewtwo and Falco excelled at this task…"

"_Hey, psst, Mewtwo!" whispered Falco, "Are you noticing that there are words in red at the bottom of each page? I think that means something…"_

"…but Jigglypuff and Pikachu couldn't work it out!"

"_QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM," read Jigglypuff off the screen, having rearranged the keyboard._

…

"_It's a sign!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison._

"Bowser and Ness met their chocolate-eating Speed Bump with great difficulty, dropping to last place!"

"_Auugh!" screamed Bowser, clutching his stomach, "I hate this stupid task! We're going to come last! I can't eat anymore!"_

"On an obstacle course Road Block, Falco played a trick on Snake!"

"_Oh look, Snake!" said Falco deviously, "There's a note that I found on the ground…"_

_Falco handed it to Snake. "Stay here for five minutes and meet me, I shall reveal to you my evil communist plan. No-one must know about this. Signed, head communist," read Snake._

"While Dating Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu lagged behind…"

"_I'm sorry, hon!" said Pikachu, frustrated, trying to pick up the gun, "This gun is just too heavy! I can't pick it up!"_

"_Yes you can!" said Jigglypuff, inspirationally, "If you just believe in yourself, then you can accomplish anything!"_

"…which caused them to break the rules!"

"_Really?" said Pikachu cheerfully._

"_No," said Jigglypuff, climbing up the rope ladder, "But they're going to put that in and hopefully edit out the part where I help you cheat. I'll hold the gun for you and you can aim!"_

"Snake and Yoshi got to the Yield first…"

"_We choose to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake to the camera, sticking two stickers onto the board._

"…but Yoshi left his bag behind, losing valuable time!"

"_Snake! My bag!" said Yoshi, shocked, "I left it at the army place!"_

"_More like, __**you**__ left it at the army place!" said Snake angrily._

"_That's what I said!" said Yoshi, hysterically._

"_More like, that's what __**you**__ said!" said Snake angrily._

"And while other teams reached the next clue, Snake and Yoshi erupted!"

"_Why the hell didn't you tell me this? If you told me all of my stuff was in your bag, we wouldn't have to have wasted __**HALF AN HOUR! **__We're in last place!"_

"_Oh yeah?" said Snake angrily, "More like… __**we're**__ in last place!"_

"_**THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!**__" screamed Yoshi._

"On a selling choice of the detour, it was a showdown between Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus!"

"_Four cartons left," said Falco, "Come on, we have to beat Fox and Samus."_

"But Fox and Samus's entrepreneurial skills helped them finish the task, and come in first!"

"_Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "You are… team number one!"_

"Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Bowser and Ness battled it out in a mudbath to avoid elimination!"

"_Come on, we need to search for one of these damn clues," said Snake, "It's getting dark!"_

"_It's too dark! I can't find any clues!" said Jigglypuff angrily._

"_This is stupid, Dad!" said Ness angrily, "We should quit!"_

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, on the brink of quitting, found the clue!"

"_I found it!" said Pikachu excitedly, holding up a clue._

"_Come on! Let's go!" cheered Pikachu, scampering through the dark to the outside of the mud bath complex._

"They arrived at the pit stop third, but were met with a surprise!"

"_I cannot check you in at this point of time. The Road Block is a task that can only be completed by one person, and according to this report, you completed the Road Block together. This means, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you have encountered a __**30-minute time penalty**__."_

"_Oh no!" said Pikachu, shocked._

"_We're done for!" cried Jigglypuff._

"As the penalty ticked down, rivals Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi battled to get the services of a cab driver!"

"_Sorry! You're muddy! I can't let you in!" said the taxi driver._

"_I don't want to get eliminated this way! Not this way!" cried Bowser._

"Bowser and Ness arrived at the mat in third place…"

"_Bowser and Ness, you are the third team to arrive," said Master Hand._

"_Yess!" cheered Ness._

"_However, you must enter the building properly before I can check you in. Same with you, Snake and Yoshi!" said Master Hand._

"…but did not enter the building correctly and had to come back in! Jigglypuff and Pikachu's time penalty stopped and it was a three-way battle to the pit stop!"

_Pikachu scampered on, screaming, "Jigglypuff! Get on here!"_

_Pikachu punched Ness in the gut just as he was about to reach the pit stop, preventing him from reaching the line._

"But Bowser and Ness were last to reach the pit stop, and were eliminated."

"_I can't imagine doing it with anyone else!" Bowser smiled at the camera, teary-eyed._

"_Oh yeah?" said Ness angrily, "What about Ganondorf? You went with him!"_

"Four teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?"

**The Teams:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Dating Pokemon Experts_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Accountancy Students Experts_)

Fox and Samus (_Entrepreneurs Experts_)

Mewtwo and Falco (_Martial Arts_)

"This is Mobotropolis, Mobius!" said Master Hand, "This famous Sonic-related destination was also the ninth pit stop in a race around the world!"

"Teams arrived here for a mandatory pit stop, where teams had a chance to eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"

_A shot of Snake, Jigglypuff and Fox chuckling heartily as they poked Yoshi's body appeared on the screen._

"Can Fox and Samus, departing in first place for the fourth time, continue their great form or be affected by the other teams' strong – negative – vibes – towards them? Can Mewtwo and Falco break through their string of close calls and have a first-place finish? And can Snake and Yoshi, and Jigglypuff and Pikachu, with their constant in-team bickering, focus on the race and stay in?"

"Fox and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 5:11 PM, will depart at 5:11 AM!"

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 5:11 AM_

"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Fox.

"Teams must now travel two kilometres to this bowling alley, Tails' Bowling Den!" said Master Hand, "Then, playing a game of bowling with unlimited frames, they must bowl ten strikes each to receive a clue, which contains tickets a charter flight to the next mystery destination!"  
"The times are: 10:00 AM, 10:30 AM, 11:00 AM and 11:30 AM! Teams that complete the task one hour or more before a flight will receive tickets to that flight! Teams who do not complete the task by 10:30 AM will share a spot on the 11:30 flight!"

"Wow Samus…" said Fox, "It's great that we're going bowling because… you bowl me over!"

Fox raised his eyebrows.

"Fox," said Samus, "The moment you read the word bowling I knew you were going to throw that stupid line in somewhere."

…

"You get a… strike in my book?" whimpered Fox.

"That line's pretty lame as well," said Samus.

…

"Can I borrow one of those bowling balls stuffed in your back pocket?" said Fox sexily.

"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
2__nd__ to depart: 5:12 AM_

"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Falco, "You have twelve dollars for this leg of the race."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"I don't know about you, Mewtwo," said Falco confidently, "But I'm in it to win it!"

"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "I think you mean, in it to be ga-"

"Don't say it!" said Falco angrily, "Why must you keep on flaunting that stupid line of yours? It's not even original!"

…

"In it to win it…" said Mewtwo, "More like…"

"Enough!" said Falco angrily.

"Well if you want me to stop saying that can't you think up of something else to say?" said Mewtwo angrily, "I mean, geez, you're like a broken record or something! Geez! Get a personality or something!"

…

"You know what else is broken?" said Falco angrily.

"What?" said Mewtwo angrily.

…

"My… my heart!" cried Falco, running out of the room crying.

_Tails' Bowling Den_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

Fox and Samus walked up to the door.

"Darn it," said Samus, "It opens at seven."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Opens at seven," said Falco angrily.

"We got a twenty minute barrier, dude," said Mewtwo.

_7:00 AM_

A shot of the sun rising and the bowling alley opening appeared on the screen.

_Fox and Samus  
Lane 26_

"Take this lane…" said Fox, running into the complex and taking the one nearest to the exit.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Lane 25_

"It's a bowl-off, dude," said Falco.

_Fox: 0 Strikes  
Samus: 0 Strikes_

"Okay Samus, let's go!" cheered Fox.

"Must you be so supportive?" said Samus angrily, holding her bowling ball, aiming down the lane.

"No," said Wario angrily.

Samus hurled the ball onto the lane, but the spin on the ball caused it to roll off the fine polished wood and into the gutter.

"Bad luck, Samus!" said Fox smugly, "Maybe you should use a…"

Fox unbuttoned his shirt slightly, "…bowling coach," he said sexily.

"How is that a pickup line?" said Samus angrily, "You're just giving me general advice on how to improve my bowling skill! How is that supposed to be arousing in any way?"

Samus angrily stomped off to the bowling coaches.

_Mewtwo: 3 Strikes  
Falco: 3 Strikes_

Falco clumsily let go of the ball before the lane, causing it to roll across several lanes into a gutter ten metres away.

Mewtwo used his telekinesis to knock down all ten pins.

"Yeah! Go us!" cheered Falco insincerely.

_Civic Centre_

_Snake and Yoshi  
3__rd__ to depart: 7:20 AM_

"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Snake.

"Oh boy!" said Snake excitedly, "We're going bowling! This is going to be exciting! Have you ever been bowling?"

"Yes," said Yoshi, "I didn't sign up for the military at the age of twelve… why, I even got to go bowling and see movies!"

Snake sulked. "But I wanna see the moving pictures!" he cried.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Last to depart: 7:21 AM_

"Go to Tails' Bowling Den and score ten strikes for your next clue!" read Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the clue.

…

"What's a bowling den?" said Jigglypuff, scratching her head.

"You idiot!" said Pikachu angrily, "The clue obviously says bowing den! Duh!"

…

"How come the issue of us not being able to read, speak or interpret English hasn't arisen yet?" said Pikachu, "I mean, how have we survived going through nine different places which all happen to speak English?"

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, chuckling heartily, "That's because we've gotten help with our Asian-American English translator, Jeeves!"

"YOU ORDER NOW!" screamed some random lady, throwing cats at Jigglypuff.

…

"Uh… where's Jeeves?" said Jigglypuff, confused.

Pikachu started gagging, pointing to a corpse in a nearby dumpster.

_Tails' Bowling Den_

_Mewtwo: 6 strikes  
Falco: 6 strikes_

"Damn it, the Pokemon are here already!" said Mewtwo angrily, losing focus with his telekinesis, the bowling ball he was concentrating on rolling into the gutter.

"Bowl quicker, then!" said Falco angrily.

_Jigglypuff: 0 strikes  
Pikachu: 0 strikes_

"Now, before we go bowling," explained Jigglypuff excitedly, "We have to put on **bowling** shoes, and then book our **bowling **lane and then take a **bowling **ball and throw it at the **bowling** pins!"

"Awesome!" cheered Pikachu.

_Snake: 0 Strikes  
Yoshi: 0 Strikes_

Yoshi rolled the ball down the lane cleanly, the ball skidded slowly and curved in nicely, hitting all ten pins.

"Yes!" cheered Yoshi excitedly.

_Yoshi: 1 Strike_

"Good job, honey," said Snake sweetly.

"Thanks," said Yoshi.

…

"…WHAT?!" said Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff: 0 Strikes  
Pikachu: 0 Strikes_

They calmly strolled through the alley and reached the bowling ball rack.

"I like this one!" said Pikachu happily, taking the yellow ball because yellow was his favourite colour, Pikachu being a yellow Pokemon.

"I like this one!" said Jigglypuff happily, taking a Wigglytuff carcass off the rack.

"_Help me…_" moaned the Wigglytuff, gasping for air.

"I think this one's broken," said Jigglypuff, dropping her ball onto the ground.

"You know what makes balls roll better?" said Pikachu excitedly.

"What?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Electrocution!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.

They prodded the Wigglytuff.

_Fox: 4 Strikes  
Samus: 0 Strike_

Seven or eight bowling instructors surrounded Samus as she picked up the ball. Fox, standing in the lane bowled another strike.

"Okay, now part of the technique of bowling is to make sure you have the correct back movement," said the head male bowling instructor, trying to sound as professional as possible, "The way you arch your back is as important as how you roll the ball!"

"Really?" said Samus, listening intently.

"Yeah," said the bowling instructor. "Now let's put you through a practice run. Hold the ball, walk up to the lane and, exaggerating the movement… bend over forward and release the ball, slowly with your arm."

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed the bowling instructors slyly, most of whom were in their late 50's, balding, bearded and named Vince.

"Okay!" said Samus happily, picking up the ball.

She walked up to the lane, and bent over forwards, very slowly. Fox stood on the side of her, practicing his bowling technique.

Samus bent forward even more, revealing her backside to all those behind her.

The men gave selective wolf whistles and chuckles.

Samus released the ball, by mere chance, sending it rolling unconvincingly down the lane, smacking the side of the head pin and causing all of the pins to fall down.

_Fox: 6 Strikes  
Samus: 1 Strike_

"Yes!" cheered Samus, jumping up and down.

"Wait! Wait!" said the bowling instructor, "Stay there! We have to see if your posture was the reason that you bowled so well."

"Okay!" said Samus happily, bending over, revealing the tight materials of her zero suit.

A junior bowling coach ran over to Samus, and slapped her on the behind before running off, collecting a collective giggle from the bowling coaches, staff, cleaners and just about every single male in the town that was watching.

Samus turned around, shocked.

"Fox!" she screamed angrily, slitting his throat, "How could you? I'm trying to learn bowling and you're just trying to treat me as some kind of sex object?!"

"But-" said Fox.

"No buts," said Samus angrily, stomping on Fox's body, the poor animal bleeding to death.

Everyone stared in shock.

…

"Haha, butts," said some random person in the crowd.

All of the males laughed.

"I don't get it!" said Samus innocently, "What are you talking about, guys?"

_Mewtwo: 9 Strikes  
Falco: Finished_

Mewtwo bowled his final ball, sending it rocketing down the lane and causing all of the pins to be knocked down.

"Yess!" cheered Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco walked up to a girl behind their lane. "May we have our clue now?" said Falco.

"Uh… we have your producers on the line…" said the girl, holding up a phone.

Falco took the phone. "Hello?"

"Guys," said Master Hand, "You're going to have to start the task again, and do it _**properly.**_"

"Are you saying we were cheating?!" said Falco, shocked.

"Yes," said Master Hand angrily, "According to the rules: the application of telekinesis to perform tasks is prohibited under all circumstances and will incur a two hour penalty without the task being completed again properly!"

Said Falco, outraged, "But we've used telekinesis all the t-"

Mewtwo covered Falco's mouth and took the phone, saying angrily into the line, "This is ridiculous! We're only doing what our inherent natural ability allows us to! This isn't a rule infringement, it's just-"

"DON'T CHEAT!" screamed Master Hand loudly, hanging up the phone.

"Yeah guys!" said Pikachu angrily, standing at the end of the lane with Jigglypuff, knocking over the pins, "Don't cheat!"

_Jigglypuff: 4 Strikes  
Pikachu: 4 Strikes_

"Strike!" cheered Jigglypuff happily.

_8:50 AM_

_Fox: Finished  
Samus: 8 Strikes_

"Hopefully Samus can get two strikes in two minutes so we can catch the first flight…" said Fox.

_Snake: 6 Strikes  
Yoshi: Finished_

"Snake, if you can get four strikes in the next ten minutes, we'll be on the first flight!" said Yoshi excitedly.

_Jigglypuff: 8 Strikes  
Pikachu: 8 Strikes_

"La, la, la," hummed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, knocking over the pins with their hands.

_Mewtwo: 5 Strikes  
Falco: 5 Strikes_

"Dude, we should have just bowled properly from the start," said Falco, scoring another strike.

_Fox: Finished  
Samus: 9 Strikes_

Samus bent over, rolling the ball down the aisle, collecting a collective group wolf whistle.

The ball hit all ten pins, scoring a strike. The Mexican men applauded.

"Thank you, all!" said Samus excitedly, "Thanks for the bowling tips and your general polite manner in dealing with women, unlike my team partner."

Samus glared angrily at Fox.

"What?!" said Fox angrily, "For the first time, it actually wasn't me!"

"Super body! Hot body! Is that what you call, not you?" said Samus angrily.

"Yes! It was that group over there!" said Fox, outraged, pointing to the group of middle-aged men grinning slyly. "How could it have been me?"

"You're right! How could it have been you… …if you're dead?!" laughed Samus manically.

Samus started to beat Fox repeatedly.

"Haha… wolf whistle… more like wolf," laughed Fox, being beaten to death, "Like Wolf O'Donnell… omigosh I haven't told Wolf I love him..."

Fox bled to death.

Everyone stared in shock.

…

"Haha, butts," said some random person in the crowd.

All of the males laughed.

"I don't get it!" said Samus innocently, "What are you talking about, guys?"

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ on 10:00 Flight_

Fox ripped open the clue. "Congratulations, you are on the first flight to Icicle Mountain!"

"Teams must now board one of four flights, depending on their performance on the bowling task, bound for Icicle Mountain, one of the coldest destinations in the world!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive here, they must find one of four marked four-wheel drives, containing their next clue!"

"Oh boy, we're going to Icicle Mountain!" said Samus excitedly.

"You know babe," said Fox sexily, "It's kinda… cold there… if you need to get warm, you can always huddle in close with me… and then… you'll be warm… rawr…"

Fox did a cat-scratching motion with his hand.

"Or to stay warm, I could put on my powersuit," said Samus.

…

"You really ruined the mood, Samus," said Fox angrily.

…

"Wanna… spice the mood up a bit?" said Fox sexily.

"No!" said Samus angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ on 10:00 Flight_

"Congratulations, you are on the first flight to Icicle Mountain!" read Yoshi, "Once you arrive here, find a marked four-wheel drive with your next clue!"

"Four wheel drive," laughed Snake, "What's that… like a four-wheeled vehicle with a drivetrain that allows all four wheels to receive torque from the engine simultaneously?"

"…yeah…" said Yoshi.

"Oh," said Snake.

…

…

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
3__rd__ on 10:00 Flight_

"Oh boy, we get to go on a charter plane!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Oh, but there won't be any movies on there," said Pikachu, "So you'll have to draw in your colouring book or read a comic or something, Jiggles."

"That's okay!" said Jigglypuff happily, reaching into her pocket, "I have this… portable DVD player to keep me entertained!"

Jigglypuff beamed proudly, holding up her Wigglytuff carcass.

"Jiggles… that's a… Wigglytuff carcass…" said Pikachu, confused.

"Oh, how unpredictable, Mr. Author!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "The I-confused-a-Wigglytuff-carcass-for-an-inanimate-object joke! Whoop dee freaking doo! How original! I bet you sleep at night well knowing your capacity of wit!"

Jigglypuff crossed her arms in a big 'hmmph' action and looked away from the camera.

…

"Look at me! The author think's he's so clever!" said Jigglypuff angrily, talking to the camera, "Look at me! I'm breaking the fourth wall! This sad scene must have some comedic merit now!"

Jigglypuff crossed her arms in a big 'hmmph' action and looked away from the camera.

"Where's your portable DVD player anyway?" said Pikachu, confused.

_Wario and Luigi's Morgue_

"Now kids!" said Luigi excitedly, talking to a group of schoolchildren, "What I'm going to show to you today, that you can write about in your SOSE project is… a Wigglytuff carcass!"

"Yay!" cheered the children.

Wario lifted the blanket off the bed, revealing a portable DVD player, covered in some skin and flesh.

"…uh…" said a kid, "Isn't that a… DVD… player?"

"NO!" screamed Wario, eating the child alive.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Last on 10:00 Flight_

"And the clown's like, does this taste funny to you?" said the manager.

Mewtwo, Falco and the manager laughed heartily.

_Wario and Luigi's Morgue_

"Help me! Help me! Help me!" screamed a child, Bowser mauling on his carves and thighs, fresh flesh spilling over Luigi's body causing him to smile creepily.

"All teams are now on the 10:00 charter flight to Icicle Mountain, landing at 1:00 PM, local time!" said Master Hand, "Teams have been provided with the appropriate cold weather gear on their flight!"

_Icicle Mountain_

Shots of snow and polar bears played on screen.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let's run, Yoshi!" said Snake, shuffling through the snow quickly towards the carpark.

Yoshi grabbed a clue off the windshield and opened it. "Drive a jeep 36 kilometres to Issdudlerk Station!"

"Teams must now drive a marked jeep over thirty-six kilometres to this station, home to six scientific researchers! Once teams arrive here they must search for their next clue!" said Master Hand. "The maps provided in cars contain clearly marked roads, however, there seems to be wide spaces of open ice where teams may simply cut the track! However, driving on unknown terrain may be risky and potentially… fatal!"

"Okay, Snake," said Yoshi, taking a map out of the boot, "First we should probably work out a route and-"

Snake grabbed Yoshi and threw him into the backseat. "I got a bearing, baby!" said Snake excitedly, holding up his GPS device.

Snake started the engine and headed towards a large field of thin ice.

"Uh…" said Yoshi nervously, "On the map it says… driving on ice could be potentially hazardous and lethal…"

"Baby," said Snake cheesily, driving towards the ice, "_Everything_ you do with me is lethal."

"I know!" gulped Yoshi, looking at the 3-inch thick ice they were driving over.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Uh… are we going to follow them?" said Fox.

"We're doing anything to win this race," said Samus, revving the engine.

"But… they left a trail of broken ice that could sink the car into deep, arctic-temperature water!" gulped Fox.

"Anything!" said Samus, frothing at the mouth.

"Anything?" said Fox sexily.

"Okay, not anything…" said Samus.

…

"Why would I have to be affectionate towards you in a race task anyway, huh?" said Samus.

"Maybe it's our next road block," said Fox sexily, "Stttrrrriiippp… for… Foooxx… …sssscchhhh…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Tum… tum tum…" hummed Jigglypuff, driving at walking pace down the one-way main road.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Damn it!" said Falco angrily, "We're stuck behind these losers! …they can't even get into second gear!"

"Cut man," said Mewtwo, pointing to the ice in front of them.

"This can only end well…" sighed Falco, turning the steering wheel towards the ice.

"Relax," laughed Mewtwo, "After all, what are the odds that-"

Falco drove onto a very thin sheet of ice, causing it to break. The car started to sink into the freezing water.

"High," said Falco.

They froze to death.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"It's a long road… to Tallahassee…" sang Snake, at rocketing speeds dodging large five metre spikes in the ice.

"Snake… we should go on the main road!" screamed Yoshi, putting multiple seatbelts on.

"Relax! Why?" laughed Snake.

Yoshi pointed to the giant cliff edge about two hundred metres in front of them.

"This is where we use… the brake pedal!" said Snake, educationally.

"JUST FREAKING PRESS THE BUTTON!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

"…what button?" said Snake. "This button?"

The radio turned on.

"No!" said Yoshi angrily, "The brake-"

They fell off the cliff.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Snake and Yoshi.

Some Old Timey records played.

Snake and Yoshi chuckled heartily.

The car plummeted towards the ground.

_Issdudlerk Station_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

The car landed five metres away from the clue box.

Snake and Yoshi got out, unscathed.

Yoshi opened a clue. "Fast Forward?!"

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "This is the fourth and final Fast Forward in the race! When a team completes the Fast Forward task, they may skip all other tasks and go straight to the pit stop! Teams may only claim a Fast Forward once, so they must decide when it is most applicable to use it!"  
"In this Fast Forward, that team must become an Ice Climber, and first, walk across a five hundred metre stretch of very thin ice which can easily break. Once they have reached the end, they must climb up a thirty metre wall of ice using local tools! The first team to reach the top of the wall will claim the Fast Forward."

"Let's just do whatever else is there," said Snake, "I could not imagine myself going through such thin ice…"

Yoshi rolled his eyes. "Detour! Walk or Run!"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Walk or Run!"  
"In Walk, teams must walk two hundred metres to this igloo!"  
"In Run, teams must run two hundred metres to this igloo!"  
"Teams may think that this detour choice is stupid, but they should probably pick run as I have rigged the ground with explosives which will go off if a human-sized weight stays on a particular spot for more than five seconds! MWAHAHAHA!"

"Let's walk," said Yoshi.

"I want to run, damnit!" screamed Snake.

Snake ran off, crying.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We had to go back onto the main road," said Samus, driving at a modest pace down the icy road, "Snake and Yoshi… died or something going off a cliff… so we're driving the slow way down like the road takes us…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"This sucks," said Falco angrily, staring at their submerging jeep.

"In the case of an emergency or breakdown, teams will be provided with a replacement car!" said Master Hand, "However, teams will not be awarded any time credit for this… unlucky situation."

"Damn it, we shouldn't have done that, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, "We're so far behind now! We're even losing to the freaking puffballs!"

Falco pointed about two hundred metres down the road at Jigglypuff's car, shuffling along in first gear.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Jiggles, maybe you should go… a tad faster…" said Pikachu impatiently, snacking on carbohydrates at the back.

"And endanger us all? You're so selfish!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Hmmph!"

…

The car continued to chug along the road in neutral gear.

_Issdudlerk Station_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On Walk_

"Talk about stupid tasks…" said Snake angrily, "They send us to the snow and what kind of task do we get? Walking… through the snow! Driving… through the snow! This is so freaking stupid!"

They reached the cluebox.

"Whee," said Yoshi, taking a clue.

"Drive to Penguin Lake!" read Yoshi.

"Teams must now drive to Penguin Lake!" said Master Hand.

"Thanks Master Hand," said Yoshi.

…

…

"Aww great!" said Snake angrily, "Now we have to walk 200 metres back!"

"Actually…" said some random cat lady, "…you can tandem bike back!"

"Yay!" cheered Snake.

They tandem biked back.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Issdudlerk Station…" said Samus, "500 Metres on the left…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, we can actually take the road this time…" said Yoshi.

"Wait, that's another car…" said Snake.

"Hold up the Fast Forward clue!" said Yoshi, grinning evilly, taking the clue from his bag. "We don't want anyone to take the Fast Forward!"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Look, there's Snake and Yoshi," said Fox, pointing to an oncoming car.

Snake and Yoshi drove past slowly, Yoshi holding up the Fast Forward clue excitedly.

"Damn it," said Samus, turning into the station, "They grabbed a Fast Forward… we should've beaten them to it."

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You know…" said Yoshi, as Snake drove along, "We really should've taken the Fast Forward… why didn't we?"

"I dunno…" said Snake.

"Because now…" said Yoshi, frightened, "If somebody at the back of the pack takes it… two other teams would be on our tail…"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's car passed Snake and Yoshi's car.

"Damn it, we should've taken it," said Yoshi, putting his face in his palms.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"That was Snake and Yoshi," said Pikachu, looking through the side mirror.

"We caught up to someone!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Snake and Yoshi just passed us…" said Mewtwo.

"We still might be in this thing…" said Falco.

_Issdudlerk Station_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fast Forward," said Samus, flipping through the clues, "They've taken it. Detour! Walk or Run?"

"What kind of stupid option is that?" said Fox angrily.

"Relax," laughed Samus, "They always have stupid sounding names… but hey! They're exciting tasks, right?"

They read the clue.

"Oh," said Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Fast Forward," said Jigglypuff. "Wanna try?"

"I dunno," said Pikachu, "It's a risk, isn't it? Wouldn't Snake and Yoshi take it?"

"Yeah… maybe…" said Jigglypuff, "They'd tell us though… right?"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Walk or Run?" read Falco.

"What kind of crap option is that?" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Master Hand _  
"It's good! Okay?!" cried Master Hand.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

The air started to fog up and snow started rocketing down on the car that Snake and Yoshi were travelling in.

"Snake, drive carefully, there's a snowstorm," said Yoshi, wiping the fog off his window.

"Okay," said Snake, pressing on the accelerator pedal.

"When I say drive carefully, I mean…" said Yoshi.

"I know what I'm doing!" said Snake angrily, pressing down the accelerator pedal even harder.

_Issdudlerk Station_

_Fox and Samus  
On Walk_

"There's a snowstorm, make sure we're going on the right bearing," said Samus, walking along in the white, her visibility reduced.

"Maybe we should… stop…" said Fox sexily, "…and snuggle up… and wait until the storm passes…"

…

"…and have some… storms of our own…" said Fox sexily.

"For the last fing time," screamed Samus, "I do not want to, and never will have sexual relations with you!"

…

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"Well, you could have just said that straight up or something!" said Fox angrily, "I could've hit on Peach if I wanted to, then!"

"I've told you that heaps and heaps on times!" said Samus angrily, "I've had to slit your throat and kill you numerous times just to get my point across! So no! No! **No! NO! NO1**"

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"So when you mean no…" said Fox, "Does that still mean we can have kinky-"

"NO!" screamed Samus, loading her gun.

"Oh," said Fox.

…

Said Fox, "Because, you know when Bill Clinton said no sexual relations, it turned out to be true, right?"

The audience applauded at the **topical** humour. Hyuk. Hyuk.

"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.

"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.

Fox looked at his heart.

"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.

"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.

"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.

Fox looked at his heart.

"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.

"NO!" screamed Samus, shooting.

"You're shooting at my… heart…" said Fox sexily.

Fox looked at his heart.

"Oh god! You are!" said Fox sexily.

"DIE!" cried Samus, shooting.

"Samus…" croaked Fox. "Before I die… can I ask you something?"

…

"Can I have wild ghost sex with you, Samus?" said Fox.

…

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Run It_

"We're in last place at the moment," said Falco, jogging through the ankle-deep snow, "So we just hope that we can catch up to Fox and Samus and get into the final three…"

"It's close, we're only a minute behind, pick it up," said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Drive to Penguin Lake!" read Samus.

"You know," said Samus to the camera, "Don't you reckon it makes no sense how somebody gets severely hurt and then five seconds later, they're fine?"

Fox in the background, moaned as his blood splattered all over the ground.

"Yeah, like that," said Samus.

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Fast Forward_

"Pikie, maybe we should be careful about this Fast Forward," said Jigglypuff, walking carefully along the inch-thick ice.

"HEEELP!" screamed Pikachu, treading water in a hole in the ice.

"It would be really easy for someone to fall in and be hurt, Pikie," said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"HELP!"

"Yeah, be careful Pikie," said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu drowned.

Jigglypuff opened a candy wrapper.

Pikachu died.

"Wow, the distance we have to cover here is… _**ice**_-tronomical!" chuckled Jigglypuff.

_Penguin Lake_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Civilisation!" cheered Yoshi, looking at the small village that was Penguin Lake.

"Ah, there's the clue box," said Snake, taking a clue.

"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Snake.

"Teams must now search four marked huts within the village for one of twelve Travelland Penguin life-sized models!" said Master Hand, "Ponzo the Penguin, is the mascot for Travelland and yeah… buy the stuff… they're the only ones that bother to sponsor this freaking program!"

"Oh boy!" cheered Snake, "A sponsor-related task!"

"I'm so excited to participate in activities involving Travelland, the world's best travel agent!" said an obviously dubbed-over female voice over Yoshi, who seemed to mouth the words 'This race sucks'.

_Issdudlerk Station_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"There's Fox and Samus coming back," said Mewtwo, pointing five metres in front of them, "The clue's close!"

_Fox and Samus  
Finished Detour_

"We need to get a move on…" said Fox, running through the snow.

_Penguin Lake Village_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Any Penguins here?" said Yoshi happily, opening a basket inside a house.

A feral cat jumped out, lashing out and clawing out Yoshi's eyes.

"AAAHHH!" screamed Yoshi.

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Fast Forward_

"We're going on a bear hunt… we're going on a bear hunt…" sang Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff froze to death.

"How quaint," said the ice block containing Jigglypuff. "I appear to be _**ice**_-phyxiating."

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"This leg is really starting to heat up," said Fox, peering through the back window of the jeep, "Mewtwo and Falco are trailing behind us…"

"Fox, we need to make a move on them in some task…" said Samus, gripping the steering wheel firmly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We're really just picking up the scraps here…" said Falco, pushing down the clutch and going to a higher gear, "We are survivors and between us and Samus's team, they're going to go out today…"

_Penguin Lake Village_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"I hate these stupid needle in a haystack tasks!" said Yoshi angrily, opening and closing different drawers in a kitchen.

"Yoshi," said Snake wisely, "In order to find something you are looking for… you need to focus your positive energies on the task in hand… or you will be stuck in a hopeless spiral of misguidance."

Yoshi blinked.

"So let us do some breathing exercises to focus on the task!" said Snake calmly, bobbing his head back and forth like a snake charmer.

"Oookkkkaayyy…" said Yoshi.

…

"Now Yoshi, breathe in," said Snake.

Yoshi breathed in.

Snake stood in silence.

Twenty seconds passed.

Yoshi breathed out.

"Are you making a mockery of my exercise program?!" said Snake furiously.

"No! No!" said Yoshi, "It's just that I needed to exhale otherwise I'd choke!"

"You are dead to me!" cried Snake, "Dead!"

Snake ran off crying and ran into the bathroom, turning on the showerhead and pointing the showerhead at his face.

Snake continued crying for the next five minutes.

"Uh… Snake…" said Yoshi.

Snake continued to cry.

"Snake…" said Yoshi.

Snake continued to cry.

"Snake…" said Yoshi.

A bookshelf fell on Yoshi's head.

"TIN-GLE!" screamed Bowser.

The audience applauded.

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Fast Forward_

"There's the wall we have to climb!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to the cliff face in front of them.

"Welcome to Issdudlerk Trail!" said a tour guide, pointing to some safety equipment in front of him. "I'm James, I'll be your guide for today and I'll brief you on how to safely climb today."

"Lame… more like… James…" laughed Jigglypuff.

…

"His name is James," said Pikachu.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Are we filming?" said Jigglypuff.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Samus, we just missed the turn," said Fox, studying the map. "The place was about two hundred metres behind us…"

"Well, Mewtwo and Falco are basically just tailgating us," said Samus, pointing at the mirror.

"Hmm…" said Fox, looking back at the car twenty metres behind them, "Maybe we can lose these guys..."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

Samus's car, a short distance in front of Falco's came to a screech. Falco slowed down, rolling down his window.

"We got a flat," said Samus, frustrated, "Can you lend us a hand?"

"Sorry guys, it's a race," said Mewtwo, snickering.

Falco drove off, laughing along with Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"That trick actually worked…" said Fox, surprised.

"Let's get back in, we've probably got a few minutes on them," said Samus.

"Yeah, I'd be surprised if they used a map at all this race," said Fox.

_Penguin Lake Village_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Locating Travelland Penguins_

"Uh! Huh! Huh!" cried Snake violently, sitting in the bathroom.

"Look Snake, I'm sorry!" said Yoshi, sighing, "I didn't mean to be so harsh! Look, I've reconsidered! I think that these exercises may work!"

"Really?" said Snake, opening the door, a glimmer of hope in his face.

"…yeah…" said Yoshi uncertainly, giving a fake smile.

"Yay!" cheered Snake.

"So uh…" said Yoshi, "What do I have to do?"

"Breathe in…" said Snake.

Yoshi sighed, and breathed in.

Thirty seconds passed.

Yoshi started to quietly exhale.

Another ten seconds passed. Yoshi, with no air in his lungs, struggled to stay still.

Another ten seconds passed. Yoshi was starting to choke.

"And now you can…" said Snake slowly, "Breathe… out…"

Yoshi gasped for air. "I hate this stupid thing!" said Yoshi angrily.

Snake became teary-eyed.

"Haha, just kidding!" laughed Yoshi uncertainly, "Look! I feel enlightened!"

"Are you making a mockery of my exercises? These take months!" said Snake angrily, "Why, I-"

A Travelland™ Penguin fell from the ceiling and landed at Yoshi's feet.

Snake and Yoshi stared, shocked.

"Yoshi! You are a true master at these exercises!" said Snake excitedly, "Congratulations!"

"…yeah…" said Yoshi uncertainly.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Samus.

"Okay, take this house," said Samus, pointing to the house in front of them, "Snake and Yoshi are coming out of that other one…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's the head researcher!" said Snake, pointing to a white-coated man.

"Hi!" said Snake, showing the penguin to the researcher.

"Here's your clue!" said the man, "On behalf of Inviriotech Research Corporation, I would like to thank you for the patronage of our village! I am Fred Rowling, the principal researcher of the-"

Snake and Yoshi ran off.

Fred cried.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Drive to Mequssuk Station!" read Snake.

"Teams must now drive four kilometres to Mequssuk Station!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive in this research facility, they will search the area for their next clue!"

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Fast Forward_

"Wow, ice climbing is quite tough…" said Pikachu, panting, slowly knocking her picks into the ice to climb up the wall slightly more.

"Need any _**ice**_-sistance?" giggled Jigglypuff from several metres up.

Pikachu glared angrily.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"The station is really close," said Snake, pointing to a sign on the left.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Dude, I feel like… from my memory of the map before… that the map's upside down or something," said Falco, driving along, "Do you think we're going the right way?"

"Of course," said Mewtwo, "I'm psychic."

…

"I thought you were just telekinetic and a cat," snickered Falco.

"I know all of your darkest secrets!" threatened Mewtwo. "Like you like men!"

"I do not like men!" said Falco angrily, driving. "I'm married! I have four kids! It's just **you're** not psychic, okay bud?"

"I'm psychic, damn it!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Suure…" said Falco, driving along.

"Think of a number then!" snapped Mewtwo.

"Yep," said Falco.

"EIGHT!" said Mewtwo, cackling.

"Seven," said Falco calmly.

"IT WAS EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco.

The car spun out of control.

"EIGHT DAMN IT, EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

The car started spinning towards a cliff.

"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

The car fell off the cliff.

"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

The car hit the ground and crumpled. Falco died.

"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

Mewtwo was slowly bleeding to death.

"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

Mewtwo died.

…

"EIGHT!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Penguin Lake Village_

_Fox and Samus  
Searching for Penguins_

"I can't believe me totally stooged Mewtwo and Falco," laughed Samus.

"Here's one," said Fox, pointing to a penguin sitting in a wastepaper basket.

"Woo," said Samus, taking it.

They ran up to the guy.

He gave him the clue.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Woo," said Samus, opening the clue.

…

"…is that the only way you can describe your emotions? Woo?" said Fox angrily.

Samus shot Fox.

"OW!" screamed Fox, dying.

Samus can also shoot people.

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Fast Forward_

Jigglypuff, pulling with all her might, supported himself with his pick and hurled himself onto the top of the cliff.

"Great job, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"It was nothing actually!" laughed Jigglypuff, "Our cameraman allowed us to cheat on our _**ice**_-scent… it's just that we had to set up that fake shot, the only one where you can see me climbing for the viewing audience at home!"

"I'm pretending too," said Pikachu angrily, "Why would I support you if you **did** climb the wall? You'd take so long and hold us up!"

"Hold us up?" said Jigglypuff outraged, "Well, who has the slowest dash speed in the game?"

"You do!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Uh! Huh! Huh!" said Jigglypuff, running off crying. "I'm never talking to you again!"

"Fine!" said Pikachu angrily, "See if I care!"

"Clueee…" said the cameraman softly.

"Care?!" said Jigglypuff, outraged, "Who doesn't care?! You don't care! It was my birthday yesterday and _**you forgot!**_"

"It was _my_ birthday yesterday!" said Pikachu angrily, "As my birthday gift you made me buy a five thousand dollar home entertainment system!"

"Clue, clue…" said the cameraman softly.

"Well maybe I thought you'd like that!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Well I'd like it if you didn't make me buy it with my own money, and you didn't end up putting all the stuff in **your room!**" said Pikachu angrily.

"Clue…" said the cameraman softly.

"Well I have the stuff and you don't!" said Jigglypuff, doing a 'nyah nyah' face to Pikachu.

"I'm the one with all of the money!" said Pikachu, "Maybe I'll just walk out and leave **you** paying all of those ridiculous loans you took out…"

…

"PIKIE!" cheered Jigglypuff happily, hugging Pikachu.

_Suinnak Station_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Ah, I see a flag," said Mewtwo, pointing to a sign with an Amazing Race marker on it.

"Okay, we'll turn left," said Falco, turning the wheel sharply and going down a narrow lane.

"Those guys are so behind," laughed Mewtwo, pleased.

"It seemed a bit more than four kilometres though…" said Falco, going through the bumpy path.

"Parking area," said Mewtwo.

Falco parked the car, and hopped out.

"Let's find the clue…" said Falco.

"This path looks like it would have it…" said Mewtwo.

Falco and Mewtwo started trudging through a path, following the marked flags.

_Issdudlerk Trail_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"So… what… your mood is suddenly happy now?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Of course it is!" said Jigglypuff angrily, taking the clue.

Jigglypuff sniffed in the lovely Arctic pollen, smiled and opened the clue. "You may now drive to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!"

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "Having claimed the Fast Forward, may now skip all tasks and go directly to Suinnak Station, and run along a snowy path to the pit stop! This station, the lowest point in the whole Icicle Mountain area, is the tenth pit stop in a race around the world!"  
"They must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated."

_Suinnak Station_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh my god…" said Falco, looking in the distance.

"What?" said Mewtwo, walking through the snow in his gumboots.

"That's… the pit stop…" said Falco.

A shrieking orchestral hit played in the background.

"We've stuffed up! We've overshot!" said Falco, panicking.

"Run back, dude! We're screwed!" said Mewtwo, scampering back towards the jeep.

_Mequssuk Station_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fox and Samus were on our tail as we were leaving," said Snake, jogging up to the clue box, "Let's get this done quick."

Snake opened the clue. "Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, this person has to perform the duties of a park ranger, and riding local Icicle Mountain Rescue Sled Dogs, search a large, square kilometre area for two of twenty sick mannequins!"  
"That person must load the mannequins one at a time onto a stretcher attached behind their toboggan seat and deliver them back to the hospital base, located near the clue box! Once both mannequins are located and delivered, they will be handed their next clue!"  
"To simulate a rescue environment, the mannequins, with attached electronic devices will give cries and pleas for help, or have distinguishable clothing!"  
"This Road Block involves racers both mastering travel using sled dogs and having sharp eyes for objects!"

"I'll do it," said Snake sexily, "I was a medic in 'Nam."

"No you weren't!" said Yoshi incredulously, "You were killing people!"

…

…

"Guns don't kill people, humans do!" said Snake angrily.

…

…

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?" read Fox.

"I'll do it," said Samus.

"I'd love to see you in that sexy ranger uniform…" said Fox sexily.

…

"Or maybe I could see you in some of that sexy nurse uniform," said Fox sexily.

Samus was fifty metres away, doing the task.

"I'd like that," said Snake sexily.

Snake grinned.

Fox gulped.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Dude, we are so screwed…" said a stressful Falco, pulling out his… feathers?!

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey Pikachu, seeing that we're in icicle mountain…" said Jigglypuff in the backseat, "How about we get some **ice**-cream afterwards! Hehehe!"

Pikachu bashed his head against the dashboard.

_Mequssuk Station_

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Ooh, a mannequin!" said Yoshi happily, pointing to a mannequin in the snow.

A feral cat jumped out, lashing out and clawing out Yoshi's eyes.

"AAAHHH!" screamed Yoshi.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

Yoshi was being mauled to death by cats.

Samus took the mannequin near Yoshi's writhing body.

Samus loaded it onto her stretcher.

"Ha, ha," laughed Samus, "Maul."

…

"Like a shopping mall!" laughed Samus, "I shop at malls sometimes! Wow! I fit in society! Yep! Yep!"

"Here's your key to the city!" said the mayor.

They hugged for the cameras.

_Suinnak Station_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay Jigs, I'll let you drive for the last few hundred metres," said Pikachu, getting out of the jeep.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, dude!" said Falco, trying to start the engine, "Let's beat this dump!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Whee!" cheered Jigglypuff, driving slowly along the narrow road that was the only way into Suinnak Station.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Faster!" screamed Falco, gunning down the narrow road that was the only way out of Suinnak Station.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's a car in the distance," said Pikachu, squinting into the distance.

"Whee!" cheered Jigglypuff, speeding up.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Dude… is that another car?" said Falco, shocked.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's another car coming towards us… maybe we should pull over," said Pikachu.

"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, speeding up.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"So they want to play chicken, huh?" snarled Falco.

"Speed up, darn it!" screamed Mewtwo, pushing Falco's leg down onto the accelerator pedal.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"If we both stay at this speed we'll crash," said Pikachu nervously, the two cars about two hundred metres away from each other.

"Well we wouldn't want that…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, speeding up.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"They're speeding up!" screamed Falco, panicking.

"Then you speed up, damn it! They're gonna pull over and we're not!" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

The cars were getting closer.

"WHEE!" said Jigglypuff, going straight on towards Mewtwo and Falco's car.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu.

"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu.

"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"WHEEEEEE!" screamed Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AAAHHH"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAAHHH"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AAAHH"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAHH"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AAAH"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AAAH"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"AA"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"AA"

_Mewtwo and Falc_

"A"

_Jigglypuff and Pika_

"

_Wario and Luigi's Morgue_

"Now, this, kids," said Wario, "let's meet Carrie the Corpse!"

"Yaaay!" cheered the kids.

A drunk Luigi, wearing the skin of a rotting corpse staggered onto the stage.

"Stay… in… school… kidds!" he said, giving the thumbs-up.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

The two cars crashed head on.

Their bumpers collided and crumpled instantly, sending the passangers flying out through the windshields, shreds of safety glass and shredded seatbelts sailing solemnly behind them. The engines ignited, a small spark of fire giving way to a massive fireball that billowed across the icy landscape like a second sun, visible to anyone in a ten-kilometre radius, as an ear-shattering boom killed all the small ice-bunnies in the immediate vicinity. Four twisted, battered bodies flew willy-nilly from the wreck, collapsing onto the hard, cold ice with a resounding _thud_.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stood up, beamed at the camera and happily skipped towards the pit stop.

"Guess we had a bit of an… _**ice**_-ident!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu chuckled heartily.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.

"And you've both won…" said Master Hand, "…a scooter!"

Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.

"Do you like scooters?" said Master Hand happily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu nodded happily. Mewtwo and Falco stared in disbelief.

"Also, because you're on Icicle Mountain, we're going to treat you to some…" said Master Hand, "_**Ice**_-y poles!"

"That's lame," said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place  
And screwed because they don't have a car  
And have broken bones_

Mewtwo and Falco stood there, bleeding.

"But I wanted a scooter!" cried Falco.

_Mequssuk Station_

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 0_

"I'm trying to get this stupid mannequin on the back, but I have to keep on stopping because it always falls off," said Yoshi angrily, putting the mannequin on the stretcher again.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"These dogs are actually really frustrating to work with…" said Samus, trying to steer the dogs but going in repeated, short circles.

_Suinnak Station_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Here's our replacement car…" said Falco, a jeep pulling up through the lane.

"Let's go dude!" said Mewtwo excitedly, hopping in.

_Mequssuk Station_

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Darn it, dogs! Concentrate on the task!" said Yoshi angrily, his dogs chasing an ice cream truck.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"If this were a real guy," said Samus, sighing, going in circles, "They would be so screwed because they wouldn't be able to get any proper medical attention…"

"_I am a real guy…_"

_Penguin Lake_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Find a penguin and show it to the head researcher for your next clue!" read Mewtwo.

"Maybe someone's stuck here…" said Falco, running towards a house, "We might have some hope… it's a needle in a haystack task…"

_Mequssuk Station_

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Go straight, darn you!" said Samus, the eight dogs in front of her tangled in their ropes.

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 0_

"I think I'm getting the hang of this!" said Yoshi excitedly, yanking on the rope gently to make the dogs go straight. "Yipee!"

_Penguin Lake_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh… there it is…" said Mewtwo after opening a drawer.

"Grab it!" screamed Falco, "We can stay in this thing after all!"

_Mequssuk Station_

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Whee!" said Yoshi, reaching the medical station.

Yoshi hopped off the dogs and threw the mannequin inside.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Hurry up, Samus!" called Fox from about fifteen metres away.

"It's not as easy as it seems!" said Samus angrily, her dogs entirely disinterested at the task in hand.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Mequssuk Station… 2km on the left…" said Mewtwo, reading off a street sign.

"We're getting there, don't miss the turn-off again!" said Falco.

_Mequssuk Station_

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 1_

"You're going great, Yoshi!" said Snake excitedly, "Find a mannequin! Find a mannequin!"

"Help! Help!" screamed something within the snow in front of Yoshi.

Yoshi picked it up.

"Thank you!" said a man desperately, "I've been out here for hours with my broken leg! You won't believe how glad I-"

"Not a mannequin," said Yoshi, dropping the man and driving off.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Gosh darn it!" said Samus angrily, the dogs tangling her up in her sled.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Here's the parking area," said Falco.

"Yep," said Mewtwo.

"There's two cars there!" said Falco, shocked.

"We got this, then!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 1_

"More people are coming…" said Yoshi, loading his second mannequin on.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 0_

"You know what? I'm not even riding you stupid things," said Samus angrily, "I'm just going to freaking pull you back to the hospital!"

The dogs barked.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to be a ranger for a day?" read Falco.

"I'll do it," said Mewtwo, "I've done sled dogs before…"

_Yoshi  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Bring it home, Yoshi! Mewtwo and Falco are here!" said Snake from the sideline, Yoshi sliding back along his toboggan.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Great, company," said Samus, loading her first mannequin into the hospital.

_Mewtwo  
Patients Collected: 0_

"Whee!" said Mewtwo, the sled dogs dashing through the snow, running towards a bright yellow mannequin in the distance.

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

"One more, Samus!" screamed Fox, "We can do this!"

_Yoshi  
Completed Road Block_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!" read Snake.

"Teams must now drive one kilometre to Suinnak Station, the pit stop of this leg of the race!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry as the last team to arrive… _**may**_ be eliminated."

"Let's go!" said Yoshi happily.

"You did good, Yoshi!" said Snake, running to the jeep.

_Mewtwo  
Patients Collected: 0_

"You better hurry, Samus," taunted Mewtwo, delivering his first mannequin back towards the hospital base, "Because Mewtwo's on your tail…"

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Oh, shut up," said Samus, searching around furiously for a second mannequin.

_Mewtwo  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Halfway done in two minutes," said Mewtwo, grinning, "I bet you that took an hour!"

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

Samus reached a mannequin with an orange visibility top on.

"Gotcha!" screamed Samus excitedly.

_Mewtwo  
Patients Collected: 1_

"This is too easy," said Mewtwo loudly, picking up his second mannequin, "I'd hate to have been here for hours!"

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

"Come on, dogs," said Samus desperately, the dogs pulling her slowly towards the hospital base. "Don't fail on me now!"

_Mewtwo  
Patients Collected: 1_

"I'm on your tail!" said Mewtwo, speeding along, heading for the hospital base in front of him, "I'm close, lady! I'm close!"

_Samus  
Patients Collected: 1_

Samus's sled was passed by Mewtwo's.

Mewtwo dumped his mannequin in the hospital and took a clue from a supervisor. Samus, several moments later did the same.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Suinnak Station!" read Mewtwo, as Falco drove along.

"We already know where to go," said Falco, speeding out of the station.

"This is for the final three, bud!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Tailgate them at all costs," said Fox desperately.

"Got it," said Samus. "Fox, you better run your ass off here, okay?"

_Pit Stop_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Arrived 2__nd_

"Snake and Yoshi, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We've worked too hard for this…" said Falco, speeding along, Samus's car closely following, "We just have to hope that we can beat them in a footrace…"

_Fox and Samus_

"We've beaten them before in a sprint and we'll beat them again," said Samus, "Just fight the pain… this is to stay in, Fox."

_Suinnak Station_

A shot of two cars, one behind the other played on the screen.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo parked the car, undid his seatbelt and ran along the path towards the pit stop.

"Come on, Falco!" screamed Mewtwo.

As Samus parked the car, Fox got out and ran, chasing down Mewtwo and Falco.

Mewtwo and Falco's pace slowed down as they got into the thick, deep snow. As the pit stop was within eyesight, about a hundred metres, Mewtwo and Falco jogged as best as they could towards the pit stop.

Fox and Samus gained momentum, covering the path that Mewtwo and Falco previously covered to catch up.

Mewtwo and Falco reached the top of their ascent and eyed the fifty metre downwards straight towards the mat.

Fox and Samus peeled off from behind Mewtwo and Falco and started to make a move. Samus charged ahead of Mewtwo and Falco, Fox staying neck-and-neck.

"Hurry up!" screamed Samus, charging forward even more.

Fox, pushing, gained speed on Mewtwo and Falco, and alongside Fox and Samus, ran onto the mat.

Several seconds later, Mewtwo and Falco reached the pit stop.

"Fox and Samus," said Master Hand, "You are… team number three."

"All I can say is… phew," said Samus.

"Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive."

Mewtwo and Falco nodded acceptingly.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand.

Mewtwo and Falco nodded.

"That this is a non-elimination leg and you guys are still in the race!" said Master Hand excitedly.

"Awesome!" cheered Falco, hugging Mewtwo, who then gave Falco a weird look.

"However, there is a punishment for coming in last…" said Master Hand, "You must participate next leg in a **speed bump**, a task that only you will perform! As this is going for the final three next leg… it could cost you the race!"

"We understand," said Falco.

"Now…" said Master Hand, "I understand things are getting a bit dirty between the two teams…"

"Yeah," said Falco angrily, "They tricked us! They led us in the wrong direction!"

"Well, that's what you get for yielding us!" said Fox angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"The final three will be decided next… and as we showed you today," said Falco, "We can catch up, even if we're an entire two tasks behind… we can beat anyone."

"We're going to the final three and pulling someone down in the process," said Mewtwo evilly, "And most likely that will be you… Fox and Samus."

Dramatic music played.

**Finish Times:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 3:23 PM

Snake and Yoshi: 4:20 PM

Fox and Samus: 4:28 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 4:29 PM – Not Eliminated

Thanks for all of the reviews, again, much appreciated! Who do you think will win, who do you want to win? Do you still think the same team will win? GO GO NOW

"Next time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "The final four, becomes… the **final three!**"

"_This is so amazing!" screamed Jigglypuff, falling through the air, the furiously fast wind stretching her face._

"There are three spots left for the million dollars…"

"_It's revenge time, baby!" said Falco, running up the flight of stairs._

"Who will stay in?"

"_Go! Go!" screamed Pikachu desperately, scampering across the ground._

"Who will go out?"

"_This is so __**stressful!**__" screamed Samus, hurling the object at the window._

"It's going to get dirty!"

"_I hate this!" said Falco angrily, running through the mud._

"It's going to get extreme!"

"_I don't think I can do this!" cried Yoshi, standing on the edge._

"It's going to get nasty!"

"_Guys…" said Falco reassuringly, "This may be our only chance at getting them out of the final three!"_

"On The Smashy Amazing Race… Who will be eliminated… _**next?**_"


	11. That's What You Get For Wasting Time!

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, the final four teams set out on the same charter flight to Icicle Mountain!" said Master Hand.

"Accountancy Students Snake and Yoshi reached the clue first, passing off a Fast Forward and going to the detour!"

"_Let's just do whatever else is there," said Snake, "I could not imagine myself going through such thin ice…"_

"But after completing the task, this decision came back to haunt them!" said Master Hand.

"_We really should've taken the Fast Forward… why didn't we?"_

"_I dunno…" said Snake._

"_Because now…" said Yoshi, frightened, "If somebody at the back of the pack takes it… two other teams would be on our tail…"_

"Dating couple Jigglypuff and Pikachu attempted the Fast Forward, involving a treacherous walk across thin ice…"

"_Pikie, maybe we should be careful about this Fast Forward," said Jigglypuff, walking carefully along the inch-thick ice._

"_HEEELP!" screamed Pikachu, treading water in a hole in the ice._

"…and an ice climb up a thirty metre wall!"

"_Wow, ice climbing is quite tough…" said Pikachu, panting, slowly knocking her picks into the ice to climb up the wall slightly more._

"_Need any __**ice**__-sistance?" giggled Jigglypuff from several metres up._

"They finished the Fast Forward, and arrived in first place!"

"_Also, because you're on Icicle Mountain, we're going to treat you to some…" said Master Hand, "__**Ice**__-y poles!"_

"_That's lame," said Jigglypuff._

"At the back of the pack, Fox and Samus made a move on Mewtwo and Falco…"

"_We got a flat," said Samus, frustrated, "Can you lend us a hand?"_

"_Sorry guys, it's a race," said Mewtwo, snickering._

_Falco drove off, laughing along with Mewtwo._

"…leading them four kilometres off course!"

"_Oh my god…" said Falco, looking in the distance._

"_What?" said Mewtwo, walking through the snow in his gumboots._

"_That's… the pit stop…" said Falco._

_A shrieking orchestral hit played in the background._

"In a dog sledding Road Block, Mewtwo and Falco caught up, meaning three people on the Road Block at the same time!"

"_Bring it home, Yoshi! Mewtwo and Falco are here!" said Snake from the sideline, Yoshi sliding back along his toboggan._

"Yoshi's quick adaptation to the task got his team out quickly… causing tension to stir in a two-way battle to avoid last place!"

"_I'm on your tail!" said Mewtwo, speeding along, heading for the hospital base in front of him, "I'm close, lady! I'm close!"_

"Both teams finished at the same time, and drove back neck-and-neck!"

"_We've worked too hard for this…" said Falco, speeding along, Samus's car closely following, "We just have to hope that we can beat them in a footrace…"_

"_We've beaten them before in a sprint and we'll beat them again," said Samus, "Just fight the pain… this is to stay in, Fox."_

"But after a close footrace, Fox and Samus triumphed!"

"_Hurry up!" screamed Samus, charging forward even more._

_Fox, pushing, gained speed on Mewtwo and Falco, and alongside Fox and Samus, ran onto the mat._

"Whilst Mewtwo and Falco came last…"

"_Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive."_

"…but were saved."

"_You must participate next leg in a __**speed bump**__, a task that only you will perform! As this is going for the final three next leg… it could cost you the race!"_

"Four teams remain… who will be eliminated… **tonight?**"

**The Teams:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_If judging up flaky chap_)

Snake and Yoshi (_Handiness… okay?_)

Mewtwo and Falco (_Now cow daft lame_)

Fox and Samus (_TIN-GLE!_)

"This is Icicle Mountain!" said Master Hand, "Home to… lots of ice! And this is also the tenth pit stop in a race around the world!"

"Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory pit stop, where teams get to eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"

_A shot of Snake, Jigglypuff and Fox chuckling heartily as they poked Luigi's body appeared on the screen._

"Can pack leaders Fox and Samus survive, departing for the first time in second last place? And can Mewtwo and Falco, having not won a leg, rise above their speed bump penalty and stay in the race? Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were the first team to arrive at 3:23 PM, will depart at 3:23 AM!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 3:23 AM_

"Fly to Yoshi's Island in Dinosaur Island and find Yoshi's House!" read Jigglypuff.

"Teams must now fly over 6,000km to Dinosaur Island, a major region in Mushroom World! Once teams arrive in Yoshi's Island, they must find Yoshi's House, where they will find their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Teams must drive 18km to this Icicle Mountain air strip to find a charter helicopter flight time! These flights lead to the Mushroom Kingdom and are fifteen minutes apart, so any time gained could be vital in booking tickets to Yoshi's Island!"

"Let's go, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

…

"What… no ice jokes?" said Pikachu angrily.

"No, I couldn't get my _**egg**_ around it!" laughed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff giggled for a few seconds.

"That doesn't even make any sense," said Pikachu.

"Because Yoshis swallow people and make them into eggs…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Stop creating silence!" said Jigglypuff angrily, slapping Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
2__nd__ to depart: 4:20 AM_

"Fly to Yoshi's Island in Dinosaur Island and find Yoshi's House!" read Yoshi, "You have twenty-two dollars for this leg of the race! Flight tickets to Mushroom Kingdom will be available on a first-come, first-serve basis at the air strip! When you land in Mushroom Kingdom you must book your own flight to Yoshi's Island!"

"We have to get there first," said Snake, "We got about ten minutes on everyone…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Snake and I are not looking at staying in anymore, but winning the race," said Yoshi, "And crunch time is basically now… we have two legs left and everything counts now…"

"But Yoshi, we have four legs!" said Snake loudly, "Look!"

Snake started pointing to his and Yoshi's legs. "One! Two! Three! Four! Four legs left!"

Snake took out a chainsaw. "Or is this what you want?" said Snake angrily, "Do you want two of our legs to be cut off? Well let me tell you, bud! It's going to be your legs first!"

Snake started the chainsaw.

"Snake! I was referring to legs in race terms!" said Yoshi desperately.

"Oh," said Snake, holding the chainsaw threateningly.

"You're uh… still bringing the chainsaw towards me…" said Yoshi.

"Am I?" said Snake slyly, bringing the chainsaw towards Yoshi.

Yoshi's guts went everywhere.

"Oh…" said Snake.

_Icicle Mountain Air Strip_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Here we are!" said Jigglypuff, climbing out of her jeep and walking towards a sign.

"Charter helicopter…" said Pikachu, taking a strip, "10:00 AM."

"We're first!" cheered Jigglypuff, pointing to the next time.

"Looks like we'll have fifteen minutes more to book tickets than the next team…" said Pikachu.

_Icicle Mountain National Park_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We can't get lost going to this air strip… because we want to stay in second place…" said Snake, as Yoshi drove along.

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ to depart: 4:28 AM_

"When you land in Mushroom Kingdom you must book your own flight to Yoshi's Island!" read Samus.

"That clue took forever, Mewtwo and Falco are already lining up," said Fox, running towards the jeeps.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"It is the final four and it is serious…" said Samus, "I'd say we're the strongest team ever to run this race and there's no way we can lose now…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Last to depart: 4:29 AM_

When you land in Mushroom Kingdom you must book your own flight to Yoshi's Island!" read Mewtwo.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We came in last place on the last leg," said Falco, "So this is the first time we'll leave in last place."

Mewtwo stared at Falco. "Really?"

"Yeah! I know! It's bad!" said Falco angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Assuming we don't get lost… we'll be on the second flight," said Yoshi, driving along.

…

"Snake…" said Yoshi, "You know how to get there, right?"

"Yes," lied Snake.

"Awesome! It's always great to be able to rely on a buddy!" said Yoshi cheerfully.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Oh my gosh, I hate this!" said Fox angrily, glancing out the back of the jeep. "Falco and Mewtwo always just follow us, no matter what!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Follow them…" said Mewtwo to Falco.

_Icicle Mountain Air Strip_

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 10:15 AM Flight_

"Second flight out," said Yoshi happily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"The turn-off is about three hundred metres ahead, overtake these guys," said Mewtwo, reading the map.

"Okay!" said Falco, swerving to the right and accelerating.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"They're trying to pass!" said Fox desperately, Mewtwo and Falco's car passing on the right, "Speed up! Speed up!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Steer in! Steer in!" screamed Mewtwo, helping Falco wrestle the wheel back into the normal lane.

"YESS!" cheered Mewtwo and Falco, giving each other a high-five.

"Now we've got a five second head start on them!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

They missed the turn-off.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

Fox and Samus calmly parked the car, and hopped out.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Get back! Get back!" screamed Mewtwo, Falco racing the car into the air field complex.

Falco rammed Fox over with his car and ran towards the flight times.

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 10:30 AM Flight_

"Suck, Samus!" said Falco, sticking out his tongue.

"This is how we're going to get you eliminated today!" said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
On 10:45 AM Flight_

"They'll stuff up, don't worry," laughed Samus to Fox's corpse.

"Flying to Mushroom Kingdom airport at 10:00 AM is Jigglypuff and Pikachu! Snake and Yoshi will fly at 10:15 AM, Mewtwo and Falco at 10:30 and Fox and Samus last, at 10:45!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive here, they must arrange their own tickets to Yoshi's Island!"

_Mushroom Kingdom_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Landed at 12:15 PM_

"Come on, Jiggles, we have to run," said Pikachu, scampering through the airport.

"There's the Mushroom Air counters ahead!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Landed at 12:26 PM_

"Our flight landed four minutes early, so we might be able to catch up to the Pokemon," said Snake, running along.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ on 1:15 PM Mushroom Air Flight_

"We have a 1:15 domestic flight, we just hope Fox and Samus won't get on," said Jigglypuff.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Please sir, we need to get on the flight! It's a medical emergency!" begged Snake.

"Dude, the entire flight is empty," said the sales agent.

"Well make it leave earlier!" said Snake, spilling a fake blood packet all over his face, "Look! I'm bleeding! **Now** you have to get me to the hospital in Yoshi's Island!"

"There's no hospital on Yoshi's Island," said the agent.

"Well I have to get to the chiropractor!" said Snake angrily.

"You're bleeding," said the agent.

…

"More like… **you're** bleeding," said Snake angrily.

The agent smiled uncomfortably.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Landed at 12:41 PM_

"Run! Run!" said Mewtwo desperately, "We have to get on this next flight!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 1:15 PM Mushroom Air Flight_

Snake and Yoshi sat down, sitting cups of tea.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Booking Tickets_

"Is there any way we can get on the 1:15 Mushroom Air flight?" said Falco to the ticket agent.

"Absolutely not," he replied.

"Damn," said Falco, "What are the next flights, then?"

"There is a… 1:45 flight and then a 3:00 flight."

"And these are the only flights **today** leaving for Yoshi's Island?" said Falco.

"The only flights until about six or seven at night," said the agent.

"So can we get on?" said Falco.

The ticket agent typed on the computer. Dramatic music played. "Yes, you can."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
1__st__ on 1:45 PM Mushroom Air Flight_

"And how many seats are left?" said Mewtwo.

"About four," said the agent.

"Maybe we can get a lead on Fox and Samus," said Mewtwo excitedly.

_Gate 22_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Now boarding families with young children and the elderly," said someone over the intercom.

Jigglypuff smiled at Pikachu, "I guess we can go on the flight… you look about a thousand!" She giggled.

Pikachu zapped Jigglypuff.

"Ow!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

"Honey, I was just joking about your old age," explained Jigglypuff.

…

"Have you thought about which home we'll put you in yet?" said Jigglypuff.

…

"There's one down the road on Bradley Street, they make nice cookies and have bingo night," said Jigglypuff.

…

"You like bingo night, right?" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Bingo night is for old people," said Jigglypuff.

"**SHUT… UP…**" screamed Pikachu, crushing Jigglypuff's face and making her organs spill out with his hand.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Those are the other two teams over there…" said Mewtwo.

"Oh my gosh!" said Falco excitedly, "If we can convince the other two teams to change their tickets… Fox and Samus will be a whole hour and fifteen minutes behind!"

"Do you wanna try?" said Mewtwo.

"Yeah! Let's go!" said Falco, running towards the gate.

_Gate 26_

_Fox and Samus  
Landed at 12:55 PM_

"Come on, Fox! I see the other teams waiting at a gate already!" said Samus, running along to the ticket counters.

_Gate 22_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Guys," said Falco desperately to the other two teams, waiting for their tickets to be scanned, "If you guys change your tickets now, Fox and Samus will be an entire hour and fifteen minutes behind! They'll basically be eliminated!"

"But what if this is a cheap ploy for you to catch up with us?" said Snake sceptically.

"Guys…" said Falco reassuringly, "This may be our only chance at getting them out of the final three!"

"But shouldn't someone have already booked those tickets by now?" said Pikachu.

"But there was no-one in the line!" said Mewtwo desperately.

_Ticket Counter_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Come on, we have to get to their flight," said Fox, running through the empty line.

They reached the desk. "Hi, can we have the quickest possible tickets to Yoshi's Island?"

_Gate 22_

"Final call for passengers Snake McManus, Yoshi Princeton, Jigglypuff von Kyrgiakos and Pikachu," said the gate agent over the intercom.

"Change your tickets!" said Falco angrily.

"Okay!" said Snake, walking onto the plane with Jigglypuff, Yoshi and Pikachu.

The plane left.

"You're liars!" cried Falco.

_Ticket Counter_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"There's a flight at 1:45 PM," said the ticket agent.

"Good, can we get on that?" said Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Now we just have to hope that Fox and Samus don't get on this flight…" said Falco nervously.

_Fox and Samus_

"Okay, thanks," said Samus, taking the tickets.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Oh my gosh," said Mewtwo, shocked, "They're coming towards us!"

"If they're on the 3:00 flight, we'll be an hour in front of them!" said Falco excitedly.

_Fox and Samus_

"Well… there's Mewtwo and Falco…" said Fox, pointing ahead.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We need to find out… stop hiding," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Fox and Samus_

"Hey guys!" said Fox, "What flight are you guys on?"

"The 1:45 one," said Falco.

"Oh," frowned Fox, "We're on the 3:00 flight."

"YESS!" cheered Mewtwo and Falco, hugging each other.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Departed 1:46 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We are so happy right now," said Falco, "Because Fox and Samus are more than an hour behind us and most likely… they'll be the ones eliminated today."

_Last Flight  
Departed 3:04 PM_

Kissin you know that's all I need everyday  
Just to keep my hands off you  
(If you, if you)  
Felt that y'all need to take a break  
She just wanna argue

"All teams are now flying to Yoshi's Island! On the 1:15 PM flight, landing at 2:30, there is Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Snake and Yoshi! On the 1:45 flight, landing at 3:00, there is Mewtwo and Falco! On the last flight, landing at 4:15, there is Fox and Samus!" said Master Hand.

_Yoshi's Island_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 2:31 PM_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, so we need to get to Yoshi's House…" said Snake dramatically. "…I think we need to find a local… a local that knows the way… to Yoshi's House."

"Uh…" said Yoshi, "It's my house, I know where my house is."

"Sir!" said Snake dramatically to a Yoshi, "Do you know where Yoshi's House is?"

The Yoshi, having no understanding of the English language, shrugged.

"Yoshi's House is in two directions!" said Snake, observing intently the direction that Yoshi's hands were pointing.

"I know where my house is!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Maybe it's Morse code for…"

Yoshi dragged Snake along.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Wow! This place is so cool!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Look! A Shy Guy!" said Pikachu, pointing to a Shy Guy. With a mask.

"Hehehe!" said Jigglypuff, removing the Shy Guy's mask.

"AAAHHH!" it screamed, the sun burning his pale face and making him bleed to death.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

"You're being arrested…" said a police officer. "…for murder!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

The police officer arrested Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yes Snake," said Yoshi angrily, "You can trust my intuition… it's **my freaking house** we're going to!"

"Sure! Trust the dinosaur! Trust the dinosaur!" said Snake angrily.

"It's just around this corner!" said Yoshi happily.

"Sure!" said Snake angrily, "Trust the Yoshi! Trust the Yoshi!"

"It's my house, damnit! Twenty-Six Rosethorn Drive!" said Yoshi angrily.

They went around the corner. Twenty-Six Rosethorn Drive contained a gianmt fast food chain.

"Where's- where's my house?" screamed Yoshi.

"Yoshi, I think you're just developing memory problems," said Snake, smiling, comforting Yoshi.

"But this **is my house!!**" screamed Yoshi. With urgency.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're just… following Snake and Yoshi around town… Yoshi should know where his house is," said Pikachu.

"Oh, look! Burgers!" said Jigglypuff happily, pointing to a fast food outlet.

"Uh…" said Pikachu, walking up to Snake and Yoshi, "Why are we at this burger joint?"

"**This used to be my house!**" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

"Yoshi, I think you're just developing memory problems," said Pikachu calmly.

"**THIS IS MY HOUSE!**" screamed Yoshi, ballistic.

"Yoshi, I think you're just developing memory problems," said Snake calmly.

"**THIS IS MY HOUSE!**" screamed Yoshi, outraged.

"Yoshi, I think you're just developing memory problems," said Jigglypuff calmly.

"**THIS IS MY HOUSE!**" screamed Yoshi metaphorically.

"Yoshi, I think you're just developing memory problems," said Yoshi calmly.

…

"TIN-GLE!" screamed Yoshi.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed at 2:58 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Oh my… is that the other teams over there?" said Falco, running out of the airport.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"I can't believe this!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "We just wasted all this time because Yoshi couldn't find his house!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We just wasted half an hour walking to your house and back to the airport!" said Snake angrily, "What are you going to forget next, your _**social security number**_?"

"…how does that make any sense?" said Yoshi.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We caught up!" shouted Falco ecstatically, skipping towards the other two teams.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Oh look, company," said Jigglypuff angrily, "This is just great! We're going to lose because of this!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Hey guys," said Yoshi to Mewtwo and Falco.

"Hey! You guys gotten a clue yet?" said Falco.

"No," said Snake angrily, "Yoshi can't find his house."

"That's ridiculous," laughed Falco, opening up a map, "Look! Yoshi's House is marked on this tourist map… it's located at… 26 Rosethorn Drive!"

"See Yoshi?" said Snake angrily, "26 Rosethorn Drive! Not some stupid mumbo-jumbo Fast Food joint!"

"26 Rosethorn Drive **is** that fast food joint!" said Yoshi hysterically.

"Sure!" said Snake angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Look, Rosethorn Drive," said Falco, pointing to a street sign.

"Let's jog it," said Mewtwo, running along the sidewalk.

They reached Yoshi's house, a nicely furbished one-bedroom cottage with a decorative cream fountain outside.

"What the hell? Fast Food Joint?" said Falco, confused. "This is a house, man!"

"Speed Bump!" said Mewtwo dramatically.

"Speed Bump!" said Master Hand, "A Speed Bump is a task that only Mewtwo and Falco must complete, as a penalty for coming in last on the previous non-elimination leg!"  
"In this task, they must travel two kilometres to this local primary school, and with the aide of a Primary School teacher, learn fifteen phrases of Yoshi with flashcards as a teaching tool! Once they have completed this diversion, they will be allowed to come back and claim their next clue!"

"This is good, man," said Falco, hailing a cab, "We've basically caught up half an hour… we can still get first place…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour!" said Jigglypuff, "Lame or Extreme?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between performing two tasks! In this detour: Lame or Extreme!"  
"In Lame, teams must travel one kilometre to Iggy's Castle, a dungeon that has featured in several of the Yoshi games! Once teams arrive here, they must walk through the one kilometre dungeon and work out a secret message inscribed on the walls! Teams must figure out the dungeon walls have various letters jumbled up, which after put in the right order, read 'Crystal Caves'! Once they tell it to the man at the end of the dungeon, they will receive their next clue!"  
"This seems straightforward, but the puzzle may take a while, and teams who get it wrong must either complete the task again or take a ten minute penalty!"  
"In Extreme, teams must travel five kilometres to this Extreme Sports travel centre! Once they arrive here, they will be bussed to this airfield, where they both must complete a tandem skydive with a qualified instructor! In midair, they must look out for any symbols or clues to tell their instructor for their next clue!"  
"Teams must work out the clue is a large message painted in red in the landing field, reading 'Crystal Caves'! If one team member successfully sees the message, they will receive their next clue! If teams say the wrong message or do not see anything at all, that team must take a ten minute time penalty!"

"Skydiving!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Yoshi reached his house at 26 Rosethorn Drive.

"See?" said Snake angrily, "It was there all along!"

"But…" said Yoshi, in disbelief.

"You just forgot, Yoshi!" said Snake angrily, taking the clue.

"But we ordered a burger there! And we had a meal and everything!" cried Yoshi.

"You're a liar, Yoshi! A liar!" said Snake angrily.

Sad soap opera music played.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Detour!" said Snake, "Lame or Extreme?"

"Let's skydive!" said Yoshi excitedly.

"You're a liar, Yoshi! A liar!" said Snake angrily.

Sad soap opera music played.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Speed Bump_

"Okay man, we gotta learn the local language!" said Mewtwo, running into the primary school.

"Yoshi!" exclaimed a Yoshi teacher.

"Yoshi?" said Falco uncertainly.

"_Yoshi yoshi… Yoshi…_" muttered the Yoshi, scared.

"Yoshi?" said Falco happily.

"Ohh! Yoshi!" said the Yoshi, waving happily.

"…yeah…" said Mewtwo.

_Downtown Yoshi's Island_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu sat in the carriage of the taxi, a Shy Guy on a tuk tuk driving slowly through the road.

"Wow!" giggled Jigglypuff. "This place is particular-_**Yoshi**_-ly grand, isn't it?"

Pikachu chuckled heartily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"You call this a car?!" said Snake, outraged, looking at the dinky, three-wheeled rickshaw.

"Don't diss our transport!" said Yoshi angrily, "You guys have funny-looking technology as well!"

"Like?" said Snake angrily.

"The computer!" said Yoshi. "…yeah… that's pretty stupid-looking…"

…

Snake held in his tears.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

The Yoshi teacher held up a flash card of an aeroplane. "Yoshi!" he exclaimed, pointing to the features of the cartoon drawing.

"Yo-shi…" said Mewtwo, scribbling the word down furiously on a pad.

The Yoshi teacher held up a flash card of the sun. "Yoshi!" he exclaimed, pointing to the features of the cartoon drawing.

"Yo-shi…" said Mewtwo, scribbling the word down furiously on a pad.

_Extreme Tours_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On Extreme_

"Welcome to Extreme Tours!" said a tall man, walking into the room wearing his skydive clothing. "I'm James, I'll be one of your instructors today, and I'll just quickly guide you through some of the safety precautions we take when skydiving."

"Lame… more like… James…" laughed Jigglypuff.

…

"His name is James," said Pikachu.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"What an… unfortunate thing to slip out of my mouth," laughed Jigglypuff, "Stuff like that doesn't happen very often, you know?"

"You did that last leg too," said Pikachu angrily.

…

"Our instructor's name was James as well," said Pikachu angrily.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

…

"Are we filming?" said Jigglypuff.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

The Yoshi teacher held up a flash card of a cow. "Yoshi!" he exclaimed, pointing to the features of the cartoon drawing.

"Yo-shi…" said Mewtwo, scribbling the word down furiously on a pad.

The Yoshi teacher held up a flash card of a tree. "Yoshi!" he exclaimed, pointing to the features of the cartoon drawing.

"Yo-shi…" said Mewtwo, scribbling the word down furiously on a pad.

"WORSHIP YOUR GOD, AENEAS THE BEARDED LADY!" screamed the Yoshi teacher. "REMEMBER THE RITUAL OF THE SEVEN SONS…"

…

The teacher held up another flash card. "Yoshi!"

"Yo-shi…" said Mewtwo, scribbling the word down furiously on a pad.

_Yoshi's Island Airfield_

_1__st__ Flight_

_  
Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We're currently in the air," said Jigglypuff excitedly, "So it's a few minutes before we're going to do our jump…"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're in the air, sharing the same flight with the Pokemon!" said Yoshi excitedly, harnessing himself to his instructor.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Okay, so let's go over it again…" said Falco, sitting on the ground, holding up the flash cards.

Falco held up a picture of a bird. "Can you remember what this one is?"

"Oh, that's easy," said Mewtwo, putting his notepad away from view. "Yoshi!"

Falco flipped the card around. "Yes! It is!"

"Awesome," said Mewtwo, pleased.

"This one?" said Falco, holding up a picture of a frog.

"Yoshi," said Mewtwo.

"Yeah, even I knew that," said Falco, shuffling through the cards.

Falco held up a picture of a Yoshi.

Mewtwo gritted his teeth, concentrating hard. Falco looked at the card and tried to recall, but to no avail.

"Well… what is it?" said Mewtwo.

Falco flipped around the card. "Oh! Yoshi!" laughed Falco.

"Dude, this is harder than we think," said Mewtwo, flipping through his notepad.

_The Sky_

_Yoshi  
1__st__ to jump_

"I'm not sure!" gulped Yoshi.

"Yoshi! I know you can do this!" cheered Snake, sitting on a seat ten metres away from the large, open door. The wind pulled the seated Smashers towards the exit, several of them holding handles on the ground to stay on their place.

"I dunno!" said Yoshi nervously, his instructor waiting for him to consent.

"Yoshi! You can do it!" cheered Snake.

The instructor walked Yoshi towards the plane edge.

"I don't think I can do this!" cried Yoshi, standing on the edge.

"Yoshi! I believe in you!" said Snake happily, standing up, "And if you can believe in yourself… you can accomplish anything!"

"Really?" said Yoshi, teary-eyed.

"Yeah!" said Snake happily.

"Thanks!" said Yoshi happily, "I don't think I'm so nervous anymore! I think I'm almost ready to go-"

Snake sucker punched Yoshi in the jaw, sending the dinosaur and his instructor into the air. "That's what you get for **WASTING TIME!**" screamed Snake angrily.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Speed Bump: Taking Test_

"We're about halfway there…" said Falco to the camera.

The teacher held up a flashcard.

Mewtwo and Falco cringed nervously.

Dramatic music played.

"…Yoshi!" said Falco excitedly.

Triumphant music played in the background.

"Correct!" exclaimed the teacher.

"Awesome," said Falco.

The teacher held up another flashcard.

"Yoshi!" said Falco excitedly.

The teacher nodded, and held up another flashcard.

"Yoshi!" said Falco excitedly.

The teacher nodded, and held up another flashcard.

"Yoshi!" said Falco excitedly.

The teacher nodded, and held up another flashcard.

Mewtwo and Falco stared shocked at the card.

"I can't remember the scientific terms!" cried Falco.

"Oh no!" said Mewtwo, shocked.

Dramatic pre-ad break music played.

_The Sky_

_Jigglypuff  
2__nd__ to jump_

"I dunno if I can do this…" said Jigglypuff nervously, her hands covering her mouth in fear.

"Jigglypuff!" said Snake inspirationally. "I believe in you!"

"Really?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"NO!" screamed Snake, kicking Jigglypuff out of the aircraft.

Jigglypuff fell towards the ground with her instructor.

Pikachu stared at Snake nervously.

"Do you want to go next?" said Snake, grinning menacingly.

"Uh… you can go…" said Pikachu.

_Yoshi  
On Extreme_

"Whee!" screamed Yoshi, falling through the sky, the air rushing against his face. "This is so awesome!"

_Jigglypuff  
On Extreme_

"This is so amazing!" screamed Jigglypuff, falling through the air, the furiously fast wind stretching her face.

"You're too light!" screamed the instructor.

"What did you say?" said Jigglypuff, the air disabling her from hearing. "The sun is bright? Yes it is!"

"You're too light! We're falling too fast!" screamed the instructor.

"You have nice eyes too!" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Snake  
On Extreme_

Snake was skydiving.

Snake yawned.

_Pikachu  
On Extreme_

"Aaaaahhhhhhh!" screamed Pikachu, covering his eyes, rocketing through the clear blue sky.

_Yoshi's Island Primary School_

Mewtwo and Falco stared nervously at the picture of the cell membrane.

"Oh!" said Mewtwo excitedly, snapping his fingers. "Yoshi!"

The teacher nodded.

"Yes!" cheered Falco excitedly. "O' Doyle Rules!"

Nobody got the obscure reference.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Completed Speed Bump_

"Come on! Let's catch these guys and get in the final three!" cheered Falco.

_The Sky_

_Jigglypuff  
On Extreme_

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed the instructor, overtaking Yoshi by several hundred metres in a few seconds.

"I love that baby name too! You make such a great father!" screamed Jigglypuff happily.

"We're deploying the parachute!" screamed the instructor, "It's several hundred metres too early but we might still be able to get out of this alive!"

"Chocolate?" said Jigglypuff, "I love chocolate!"

_Yoshi  
On Extreme_

"We're releasing the chute!" said the instructor, pulling a string on his backpack.

"Whee!" said Yoshi excitedly.

_Snake  
On Extreme_

Snake. Was Skydiving.

How exciting.

_Pikachu  
On Extreme_

"Whee!" said Pikachu.

Insert several hundred more sequences of Jigglypuff's miscommunication, Snake's dullness and Yoshi and Pikachu being excited.

_Yoshi's House_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour! Lame or Extreme?" read Falco.

"Let's skydive…" said Mewtwo excitedly.

_The Sky_

_Jigglypuff  
Landing_

"I'm about to land…" said Jigglypuff to the camera attached to her head. "…was I supposed to look for something?"

_Yoshi  
Landing_

Yoshi, parachute open, was floating towards the ground.

He noticed a message in red painted on the landing field. "Crystal Caves," he muttered to himself.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

Pikachu landed on the ground several metres away from Jigglypuff. He loosened his harness and walked towards Jigglypuff.

"Did you get the message?" said Pikachu.

"What message?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"The task! The task we were focusing on," sighed Pikachu.

Pikachu walked up to his instructor. "Crystal Caves?" he asked.

"Correct," said the instructor, handing over a clue.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way to the Crystal Caves!" said Jigglypuff.

"Teams must now travel 24km to the South Beaches of Yoshi's Island and find this marked path that leads to the Crystal Caves! Teams must walk down into the dark cave system, and wade through several hundred metres of water to retrieve their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Teams must follow the marked flags in and out of the caves, because if they don't… they might get lost!"

"Follow a marked path to find your next clue," read Jigglypuff.

"Let's go!" said Pikachu, scampering along.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Crystal Caves!" read Snake, "Follow a marked path to find your next clue."

"There's Mewtwo and Falco coming in," said Yoshi nervously, "Come on, let's leave!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Extreme_

"Damn it," said Mewtwo, running into the tour office.

"We can catch up, come on," said Falco.

_Yoshi's Island International Airport_

_3__rd__ Flight  
Landed at 4:21 PM_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Fox and I are currently in last place, and we're an hour behind Mewtwo and Falco and possibly more behind the others," said Samus, hopping into a taxi.

"Take us to Yoshi's House!" said Fox.

_Extreme Tours_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Safety Briefing_

"So we're going to be strapped to each other flying through the air, okay?" said an instructor to Mewtwo and Falco.

"Oh, good," said Falco, giggling, "I can be up nice and close with me… you'll keep me safe!"

Falco started to massage the instructor's biceps.

Everyone stared at Falco.

Falco cleared his throat and looked at the ground.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"This is ridiculous, we can't find a taxi!" said Jigglypuff, scanning the road in front of them.

"Guys, I think we should get someone to call a taxi," said Yoshi.

_Yoshi's House_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Well, that took about… two minutes on a taxi," said Fox happily, opening the clue. "Detour! Moderate or Extreme?"

"I think we should do Moderate," said Samus, "If we run, we can easily get that done… a skydiving briefing would take forever…"

_Yoshi's Island Airfield_

_2__nd__ Flight_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
_"I'm so excited!" said Falco, clinging onto Mewtwo as the plane took off.

"Dude, stop touching me like that…" said Mewtwo.

_Downtown Yoshi's Island_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We finally got a taxi…" said Yoshi, "But our driver's like… really, really slow…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Whee!" said Jigglypuff happily. "I don't know about Snake and Yoshi, but our tuk tuk driver is really fast!"

The armed bandits driving the taxi shot at the police cars giving chase behind them.

"Yaay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

_Iggy's Castle_

_Fox and Samus  
On Moderate_

"So… all we have to do is go through this dungeon, Fox," said Samus. "On the wall's some messages, so look out for those too."

Samus jumped on a Mario-style moving platform.

"You know what else happens in dungeons?" said Fox sexily, jumping behind Samus.

"What?" said Samus.

"Sex," said Fox sexily.

…

Samus pushed Fox into the lava below.

"AAAHHHH!" screamed Fox, burning alive.

"Uh… medic…" said Samus.

"DAMN IT HELP ME!" screamed Fox, his skin peeling off his body.

"Yeah… maybe someone should come…" said Samus.

Said Fox sexily, burning alive, "I can c-"

_The Sky_

_Falco  
Skydiving_

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Falco, petrified, falling through the air.

_Mewtwo  
Skydiving_

"This is pretty cool, duuude…" said Mewtwo, rocketing down towards the ground.

_Downtown Yoshi's Island_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We've had the worst luck with locals…" said Yoshi, "We always get the worst taxi drivers and we always get the wrong directions!"

"Is it because I'm black?" said Snake.

"Snake, you're not even making any sense anymore!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Iggy's Castle_

_Fox and Samus_

"Stal… Caves…" said Fox, scribbling down onto a notepad.

_Yoshi's Island Airfield_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Crystal Caves!" read Falco, "Follow a marked path to find your next clue."

_Crystal Caves_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Let's go down the path," said Pikachu, scampering down into the dark caves.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Follow them!" declared Snake, running down into the caves.

_Iggy's Castle_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"That was quick," said Fox, ripping open the clue. "Make your way to the Crystal Caves!"

_Crystal Caves_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I'm wet!" complained Jigglypuff, swimming in the knee-deep water.

"Jiggles, it's an underwater cave. What do you expect?" said Pikachu angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"This competition is coming down to the wire," said Yoshi to the camera, "We could be in last place for all we know, so we _have _to beat the Pokemon today."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikie, walk towards the light! The clue's probably there!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," said Pikachu, walking towards an area of light.

High-pitched string music played, the camera panning on the section they didn't cover.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Follow the Pokemon, we don't want to lose them," said Snake, wading through the water.

High-pitched string music played, the camera panning on the section they didn't cover.

_Downtown Yoshi's Island_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We've had our fair share of crap drivers, but this guy takes the cake," said Falco, frustrated, their taxi driving in first gear along the coastline.

_Fox and Samus_

"I think we still have a chance," said Fox to the camera. "We took about five minutes to do the detour, and anyone who did skydiving probably would have taken an hour…"

Pictures of the other three teams flashed across the screen.

_Crystal Caves_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu emerged from the caves onto a beach.

"This isn't right!" said Pikachu, shocked. "We made a wrong turn!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Look guys!" said Yoshi, pointing to a staircase up a cliff face, "The top of that thing is where we started!"

"We have to go back!" said Jigglypuff.

"We've wasted so much time!" said Snake, running across the sand.

"Go! Go!" screamed Pikachu desperately, scampering across the ground.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place  
_"We don't see anyone here…" said Fox, looking down the cliff face.

"Come on! Let's just follow the path!" said Samus, "Run, boy! We got catching up to do!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Mewtwo and Falco's taxi stopped in front of the cave entrance.

"Is that another team?" said Falco, paying the cab driver.

"Yeah, I think it is…" said Mewtwo, pointing to a cameraman running into the cave.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"That's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Yoshi, running up the stairs, puffing, "There's three teams here now! We have to catch up, Snake!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, Jiggles," said Pikachu, scampering up the stairs.

"I'm trying my hardest!" said Jigglypuff, making fake panting noises, quietly licking her ice cream, "I'm really trying!"

"I believe in you," said Pikachu, exhausted, walking up the stairs, "Let's go up these stairs and get the clue! I believe in you!"

"How… inspirational!" said Jigglypuff, licking her ice cream, effortlessly jogging up the steps.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Just keep on following the flags, Fox," shouted Samus, sending an echo through the cave.

"Got it," said Fox, jogging through the water in the pitch black.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I swear I heard someone who sounded like Fox," said Falco, walking briskly through the water.

"How would you know what Fox sounded like," laughed Mewtwo.

"Star Fox, twelve years," said Falco.

"…oh," said Mewtwo.

…

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Run into the cave!" screamed Snake, diving into the dark cave, landing his chin on the hard rock, "I can hear the others!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Follow them! I hope no-one else is here!" said Pikachu, scampering into the cave.

"Follow the flags, honey!" called Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I see a clue!" called Fox, the water now shoulder-deep.

"Swim to it!" said Samus.

They swam towards a rocky land mass, climbed up and took a clue.

"Take a ferry to Chocolate Island, and find the Chocolate Restaurant!" said Samus.

"Teams must now take a ferry, departing every fifteen minutes to Chocolate Island!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive at this island, made _**entirely**_out of chocolate, they must make their way on foot two hundred metres to this restaurant, where they will find their next clue!"

"Awesome," said Fox, "How do we get out?"

"I think we take the same path back," said Samus.

"Let's go!" said Fox, diving back into the water.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh… my… gosh…" said Falco, shocked, "It's Fox and Samus! It's freaking Fox and Samus!"

"Shut up and hide," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco held their breath.

Fox and Samus clumsily swam over them and out towards the shallower water.

They emerged.

"Dude! How did they catch up?" said Falco, shocked.

"The clue's there, let's just beat them!" said Mewtwo, paddling through the water.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey guys," said Samus, walking past Snake.

"Hey," said Snake.

…

"WHAT?!" said Yoshi, shocked. "How the hell did they catch up? We were like two hours in front of them!"

"Wait… yeah… we need to hurry, Yoshi!" said Snake, diving into the deeper water.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey guys!" said Fox, running past the Pokemon.

"Hi!" said Jigglypuff, waving.

"How did they catch up?" said Pikachu, seconds later.

"Don't worry, we're not last, Marth and Squirtle are ages behind!" said Jigglypuff reassuringly.

"Who's Marth and Squirtle?" said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Take a ferry to Chocolate Island, and find the Chocolate Restaurant!" read Falco.

"We have to sprint our asses off and beat them," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"There's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Snake, pointing to the other team standing near a clue box.

"Damn, they caught up," said Yoshi, swimming up and grabbing a clue.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"There are the other teams!" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"Let's swim!" said Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Take a ferry to Chocolate Island, and find the Chocolate Restaurant!" said Samus.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Let's run back as quick as we can!" screamed Falco, running through the shallow water.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Catch them!" said Snake, following Mewtwo and Falco's path.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We caught up!" said Fox, running through the cave, "We actually caught up!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take a ferry to Chocolate Island, and find the Chocolate Restaurant!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Jigglypuff, ready to dive in.

"Wait!" said Pikachu, pointing to a hidden door, "We can go through here! We can save time!"

…

"Why didn't anyone else do it?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Because… uh… they're stupid…" said Pikachu.

"I think it's because this is cheating… and cheating isn't cool!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jiggles, you've cheated on every task we've completed," said Pikachu angrily. "Even skydiving!"

_A flashback of Jigglypuff cutting a hole in Yoshi's parachute appeared on screen._

"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily, running onto the beach.

_Fox and Samus_

"Take us to the ferry terminal!" said Fox, hopping into a taxi.

"Okay," said their taxi driver.

"How long is it?" asked Samus.

"A few hundred metres," said the driver.

"Take us anyway, we'll tip," said Samus, being driven along.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Look! The terminal's ahead!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to the ferry terminal in front of them.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Taxi! Taxi!" screamed Falco.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Come on, Yoshi!" said Snake, dragging Yoshi out of the cave.

_Ferry Terminal_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Run!" screamed Pikachu, scampering into the terminal.

"Ferry departing in two minutes!" said Jigglypuff desperately, reading a sign overhead.

"Can we get tickets?" said Pikachu, running up to the ticket counter.

"Ten dollars!" said some guy.

Pikachu handed over the cash, took the tickets and ran.

"Let's go!" said Pikachu, dragging Jigglypuff along.

_Fox and Samus_

"Thank you…" said Fox, paying the driver.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 5:00 Ferry_

"We don't want anyone else to get on…" said Pikachu, the boat starting to leave.

"We really outsmarted them!" said Jigglypuff happily. "We took the short route and everyone else wasted ten minutes going through the cave again!"

_Fox and Samus_

"Ferry departing now!" said Fox, shocked upon entering the terminal, pointing to an overhead screen.

"Can we make it?" said Samus, running up to the ticket counter.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 5:00 Ferry_

"Come on… come on…" said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus_

Dramatic music played.

"I'm sorry," said the lady.

"Damn it," said Fox angrily.

"Now we're neck and neck with two other teams," said Samus angrily.

_1__st__ Ferry_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We are very happy right now!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, "We're the first and only team on this boat, so we have fifteen minutes more to do our tasks!"

_Ferry Terminal_

_Fox and Samus  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"Here comes everyone else," said Fox angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"Don't make eye contact," said Falco, buying tickets, "Don't initiate conversation in any way."

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"This is the most intense leg yet…" said Yoshi, taking tickets, "The four teams here… we were usually the top of the pack… but it will be a four-way battle for the final three…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We still can't discount being eliminated," said Pikachu, "Because if the Road Block is a strength task, then fifteen minutes might not be enough…"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"Where's Jigglypuff and Pikachu? This is creeping me out…" said Falco nervously.

_Snake and Yoshi  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"I _**know**_ one of us is going home today…" said Yoshi nervously.

The camera played dramatic shots of each team.

_Ferry Terminal_

_Fox and Samus  
On 5:15 Ferry_

"I honestly don't think anyone's happy to see us right now," laughed Samus.

"We did good," said Fox, "We caught up two hours!"

"Anyway, I don't see the Pokemon anywhere… I just hope they got lost in the cave or something…" said Samus.

_Chocolate Island_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh boy! Everything's chocolate here!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yeah! This is so cool!" said Pikachu excitedly, hopping off the boat.

"Chocolate Restaurant!" sang Jigglypuff.

They ran in.

Pikachu took a clue. "Road Block! Who has a _really_ sweet tooth?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform, and in this Road Block, they must eat a hefty amount of chocolate!"  
"Participants must indulge in a typical Chocolate Island meal, consisting of: one glass of chocolate milk, a bowl of chocolate soup, chocolate steak and chocolate roast vegetables! The combined weight of this meal is **one kilogram**! When team members complete this hefty meal, they will be handed their next clue!"

"I'll have to do it, Jiggles," said Pikachu, "We have to make sure we even up for the final task."

"Let's go, Pikie!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Pikachu ran into the dining area, to be met by a humongous plate of chocolate.

"Oh no!" screamed Pikachu.

Loud shrieking string music played.

_Ferry Terminal_

_2__nd__ Ferry_

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"We are on the first ferry with Fox and Samus and Mewtwo and Falco," said Snake, "And Jigglypuff and Pikachu are nowhere to be seen."

_Chocolate Restaurant_

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie! For a million dollars!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"I'm trying!" said Pikachu, chewing down slowly on the chocolate steak, "This thing is so tough!"

…

"I love you, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff happily.

_2__nd__ Ferry_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Yeah, I know they were behind us at the caves," said Yoshi to Falco, "When we were getting the clue they were swimming towards us. Maybe they got lost or something."

"As much as I'd like Fox and Samus out," said Mewtwo, "If Jigglypuff and Pikachu are left behind I'll be just as happy."

_Chocolate Restaurant_

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"I'm almost full, Jiggles!" said Pikachu.

"You've got so much to go!" said Jigglypuff, "Look! You haven't touched your chocolate soup, or your chocolate milk or your chocolate vegies!"

"You try eating a kilo of chocolate!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I do! Every day!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Is that why you're so fat?" said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff stared, shocked.

"How could you say that?" cried Jigglypuff.

_2__nd__ Ferry_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Falco, I guarantee there's a Road Block up next," said Mewtwo, "So when we get there, you're going to try your heart out and get us in the final three."

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"I'm so sorry," said Pikachu, hugging Jigglypuff, "You just called me fat before and… I thought I'd call you it as well."

"It's okay! Now… concentrate on your chocolate **steak**… there's a million dollars at **stake!**" giggled Jigglypuff.

Pikachu didn't laugh.

"I'm getting a divorce after this," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"We're not married!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Fox and Samus_

"You know, we've come from behind so many times and we keep on coming in first," boasted Fox, "There's really no stopping us."

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie! You're almost done with the steak!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"I'm trying!" said Pikachu, nibbling on the last minute.

"Come one! We have to use our fifteen minute lead!" said Jigglypuff.

_2__nd__ Ferry  
Arrived at 5:25 PM_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Run! Run!" shouted Falco, running towards a marked flag.

_Fox and Samus_

"Let's hurry, Samus!" said Fox, running along.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Run!" shouted Snake.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Hurry!" said Jigglypuff, "I hear other people coming!"

"I've done the first part!" said Pikachu, swallowing the last of his chocolate steak.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Samus.

Samus ran into the dining area. "Damn, they beat us," she said, upon spotting Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Yoshi.

"Eat quick!" said Snake.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"You're doing it," said Mewtwo.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Keep on eating those chocolate vegies!" cheered Jigglypuff, "Then you'll only have the chocolate milk and the chocolate soup left!"

"I'm… so… full…" moaned Pikachu.

"What do the chocolate vegies taste like?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Chocolate…" moaned Pikachu.

"But if that's chocolate… then how is it different from the chocolate steak or the chocolate soup?" said Jigglypuff, frightened, "In fact… is there really any difference between the chocolate milk or the chocolate steak or the chocolate soup or the…"

"Shut up and eat!" said some crazy lady behind them, tapping a rolling pin in her hand.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Hurry, Samus!" said Fox supportively.

"I'm trying!" mumbled Samus, stuffing chocolate into her mouth.

"You know…" said Fox sexily, "If you think about us getting freaky… maybe you'll get that chocolate down quicker…"

Samus vomited.

"Yeah… I'm really not into that though…" said Fox, slightly disgusted… …slightly sexy.

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"Hurry up, Falco!" said Mewtwo angrily, "Everything is at stake here!"

"It's so freaking rich!" complained Falco, slowly chewing on the chocolate.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"You're doing good!" said Snake, watching Yoshi gulp down his chocolate milk.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Pikachu! If you finish those **chocolate** vegetables," said Jigglypuff, "Then you'll only have the **chocolate** soup and the **chocolate** milk! How del-**chocolate**-licious!"

"CAN YOU STOP SAYING CHOCOLATE SO MUCH?!" screamed Pikachu.

"O-_**chocolate**_-kay!" giggled Jigglypuff.

Pikachu pulled out his shotgun.

"Okay…" said Jigglypuff.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Hurry, Samus!" said Fox, shoving chocolate into Samus's mouth.

Samus continued to chew.

"That's right… you like that…" said Fox, "You like having stuff shoved up there…"

Samus punched Fox in the face.

"That was completely uncalled for!" said Fox angrily, holding his face.

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"Eat faster!" ordered Mewtwo.

"I can't!" said Falco, chewing slowly.

"Yes you will!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco with his telekinesis.

"That's not helping!" screamed Falco, choking.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"You're doing good, Yoshi!" said Snake.

"Thanks!" said Yoshi, chewing and swallowing quickly.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Jiggles… I'm almost full…" said Pikachu, his stomach noticeably larger.

"You'll eat more!" said Jigglypuff, opening Pikachu's mouth open with her hands.

"Jigglypuff…" begged Pikachu.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"You're doing great, Samus! This is for the final three!" cheered Fox.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"You just have that steak left, Yoshi!" said Snake, "Come on, we can do this, boy!"

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"We're getting there! Chew! Chew!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie! One bowl of chocolate soup! That's all!" begged Jigglypuff.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"I can't take much more…" said a struggling Yoshi, chewing at his steak.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"I have the worst case of indigestion…" said Samus, shoving half her steak into her mouth.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Keep on going, Pikie!" cheered Jigglypuff, her partner slowly sipping down the chocolate soup. "You're almost there!"

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"Yoshi!" cheered Snake, "You've got only a tiny bit of steak left! You can do this!"

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Come on!" pleaded Fox, "We can't lose!"

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"You're going to kick Fox and Samus out single-handedly, you hear me?" said Mewtwo, patting Falco on the back.

Dramatic shots played of all four team members.

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

Yoshi swallowed his last bit of steak.

"Done!" shouted Yoshi excitedly, holding up his empty plate.

"Yes! Yes!" cheered Snake, hugging Yoshi.

Yoshi took the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Chocolate Castle!" read Yoshi.

"Teams must now make their way on foot five hundred metres to this castle, the Chocolate Castle! This castle, which is made _**entirely**_ made out of chocolate, is the final pit stop for this race around the world!" said Master Hand, "The interior of the castle is very confusing, and to get to the mat, teams must climb up a large stairwell and reach a vertical distance of two hundred metres! The last team to check in here… _**will**_ be eliminated."

"Climb up to the top for the pit stop!" read Yoshi, "The last team to check in will be eliminated!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You did so awesome," said Snake.

"Thanks!" said Yoshi, running along the road.

High-pitched string music played as the camera panned in on a sign pointing to the pit stop, facing the opposite direction.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff desperately, "Just a bit of soup!"

"I'm so tired…" moaned Pikachu. "…and so full."

"You can do this!" cried Jigglypuff, "I know you can Pikie!"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let's get to this pit stop!" said Snake excitedly.

The camera panned on the Chocolate Castle, which was in the distance in the _**opposite direction **_from them.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Samus! We're almost done!" cheered Fox.

"I know…" moaned Samus, intoxicated from the richness of the chocolate.

"Just this last bit of vegetables and you're good!" cheered Fox.

_Falco  
On Road Block_

"We're almost there, bub!" said Mewtwo.

"Bub?" said Falco, confused, putting more chocolate in his mouth.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Pikie!" begged Jigglypuff, "The soup! Drink the soup! Everyone's almost done!"

"Okay!" moaned Pikachu, grabbing the bowl.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I need to take a break… I'm so full…" moaned Yoshi, holding his stomach.

"Just wait… I'll check directions…" said Snake, sitting Yoshi down on a bench. "Excuse me, sir! Where is the chocolate castle?"

A man pointed in the opposite direction. "A few blocks that way!"

"Yoshi! We've stuffed up!" said Snake, shocked.

"I'll try my best!" said Yoshi, standing up.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Chocolate Castle! Climb up to the top for the pit stop! The last team to check in will be eliminated!" read Fox.

"I can't move…" said Samus, completely full from the chocolate.

"Come on, Samus! The final three! The final three!" begged Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"The last team to check in will be eliminated!" read Mewtwo.

"We have to beat them up there!" said Falco crazily, stoned from the large volume of chocolate he just ate.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikie!" begged Jigglypuff, Pikachu slowly sipping down the chocolate soup.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"Run, Yoshi!" screamed Snake.

"I'll try," moaned Yoshi, walking along the footpath.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
_"It's a footrace!" screamed Falco, walking along the footpath.

Fox and Samus walked along several metres behind them.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"Well briskly walk, then!" pleaded Snake, "I see other people coming out! I think we're last!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Finished Road Block_

"Climb up to the top for the pit stop! The last team to check in will be eliminated!" read Jigglypuff.

"Come on, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff. "Pikie?"

Pikachu was lying on the ground, moaning.

_Chocolate Castle_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"It's a footrace! Run! Run!" said Falco sarcastically, walking slowly across the castle lobby, "We have to beat them!"

"Hurry up!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, ready to sprint.

_Fox and Samus_

"Come on, Samus!" said Fox, dragging Samus along the ground.

Samus was fast asleep.

"Seeing that she's asleep…" said Fox sexily.

Fox put Samus's hair into his mouth.

"I always wanted to do that," giggled Fox.

_Chocolate Island_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Come on!" said Jigglypuff angrily, carrying Pikachu along.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There's where we were!" said Snake, walking along, pointing to the restaurant.

_Chocolate Castle_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"For the final three!" screamed Falco unexcitedly, slowly walking up the staircase.

_Fox and Samus_

"We have to beat them…" said Fox, dragging Samus up the stairs, knocking her head against the concrete steps.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikie…" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Wake up!"

_Snake and Yoshi_

"There's the castle ahead!" shouted Yoshi excitedly, jogging along.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Hurry!" said Mewtwo angrily, dragging Falco along, "This is our only chance to win a leg!"

_Fox and Samus_

"I hear people behind me…" said Fox, carrying Samus on his shoulder.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikie! Wake up!" grunted Jigglypuff, dragging Pikachu up the staircase.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"We're in the castle!" cheered Yoshi, running in.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Mewtwo sprinted out of the top of the stairwell, and spotted the pit stop, across a chocolate bridge in front of him. Mewtwo carefully climbed across the chocolate structure and stood on the mat.

"Hurry up, fatty!" screamed Mewtwo to Falco.

"I'm trying, dude!" shouted Falco from inside the stairwell.

"The race, man!" said Mewtwo, "This is what we've been trying for the whole time!"

"I'm so freaking full though!" said Falco.

Fox emerged, lugging Samus on his back. He slowly stumbled towards the chocolate bridge.

"Falco! Start running!" screamed Mewtwo angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I can't do this anymore…" said Jigglypuff, exhausted, lying on a step, "I have to wake Pikie up!"

Jigglypuff smudged some chocolate onto Pikachu's face.

"Teehee!" she giggled.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"I hear Pokemon laughter up the stairs!" said Snake, jogging up, "We still have a chance, Yoshi!"

_Pit Stop_

"This is so un-epic…" said Mewtwo, bashing his head against a wall.

"Taking Samus across the chocolate bridge," said an exhausted Fox, slowly waddling across the hard chocolate structure.

"Hurry Falco!" demanded Mewtwo to Falco, who was still climbing the stairwell.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Wake up, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff angrily, hitting a block of dark chocolate against the sleeping Pokemon's face.

_Snake and Yoshi_

"You're doing good…" said Snake, walking up the stairwell.

_Pit Stop_

Falco emerged from the stairwell.

"Get across here, idiot!" screamed Mewtwo from the pit stop. "We want a prize! Don't you want a freaking scooter or something?"

"I want a scooter!" said Falco hopefully.

"Then freaking get here!" said Mewtwo angrily.

Fox continued to clumsily cross the chocolate bridge, that was breaking under his weight.

Falco, his stomach still full of chocolate, jogged towards the chocolate bridge.

Fox reached the end of the chocolate bridge. Exhausted, he eyed the pit stop five metres in front of him.

Falco climbed onto the metre-wide chocolate bridge.

Samus woke up. "Wh… where am I?" she muttered.

"Samus! I'm exhausted," panted Fox. "Carry me to the pit stop."

"Like you'd do that for me," said Samus angrily, walking onto the pit stop.

Falco climbed across the chocolate bridge.

"Samus! I carried you this entire freaking way! Can I have a little help?" screamed Fox, his muscles aching.

Samus sighed, and walked up to Fox.

Falco was almost done crossing the bridge. However, the bridge started to crack.

Samus dragged Fox towards the pit stop.

"RUN, FOOL!" ordered Mewtwo.

"I'm trying…" moaned Falco, stumbling onto the chocolate pavement, the pit stop five metres in front of him.

"DAMN IT HURRY UP!" screamed Mewtwo.

"Coming…" said a tipsy Falco, clumsily walking towards the pit stop.

Samus was almost at the pit stop.

"For once in your life, could you freaking _**sprint?**_" screamed Mewtwo.

"Maybe…" said Falco, hiccupping, staggering towards the pit stop.

Samus stood on the pit stop, and dragged Fox on the ground towards it.

Falco, half a metre away from the pit stop started to fall.

Fox neared the mat.

Falco fell face-first onto the pit stop mat.

Triumphant music played.

"YESS! Did we win?" cheered Mewtwo excitedly.

"Actually, Fox's right ear was touching the pit stop first…" said Master Hand, pointing to a video replay. "I just didn't say anything to see your reaction."

"**WHAT?!**" said Mewtwo and Falco, outraged.

"Fox and Samus, you're team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Damn it!" screamed Mewtwo angrily.

"Yay," cheered Fox, exhausted.

"Mewtwo and Falco, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.

Mewtwo breathed in and out heavily, his face turning a bright red.

"And I have some good news for both of you…" said Master Hand, "You are _two_ of the _three_ teams that will be racing to the finish line for **one million dollars!**"

"I guess it's the finish that matters, dude," said Falco.

Mewtwo shrugged, holding in his tears.

"We're going to cross the finish line first no matter what," laughed Falco, smirking, "We're just giving you guys a go. When we have the million dollar cheque in _**our **_hands, we'll be the ones laughing."

Triumphant music played in the background.

_Chocolate Castle_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Wake up, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff desperately, shaking Pikachu.

_Snake and Yoshi  
Accountancy Students_

"I hear another team up there!" said Yoshi, shocked, "We can still be in this race! Run! Run!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"I know!" said Jigglypuff happily, "The kiss of life! If I give him his true love's kiss…"

Pikachu woke up.

"…then he'll wake up and we'll be in lovely matrimony forever!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"I'm awake," said Pikachu.

"Then damn it! You'll go to sleep again!" said Jigglypuff angrily, knocking out Pikachu with a stone.

Snake and Yoshi ran past.

"PIKIE!" screamed Jigglypuff, shaking Pikachu.

_Pit Stop_

Snake and Yoshi emerged from the stairwell, and jogged towards the chocolate bridge leading to the pit stop.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, scampering from the stairwell and sprinting towards the pit stop.

"Hurry!" screamed Snake, hoisting Yoshi on his shoulders and jogging across the chocolate bridge.

"Grab onto me!" said Pikachu desperately.

Jigglypuff grabbed on.

Pikachu used his quick attack, and travelled quickly to one metre short of the pit stop.

"This is so nice!" said Jigglypuff happily, sleeping.

Jigglypuff's rest sent Pikachu flying dozens of metres away.

"NUUUEZ!" cried Jigglypuff.

Snake and Yoshi taunted and tiptoed towards the map.

Jigglypuff grabbed Yoshi and restrained him from reaching the mat.

"Hurry, Pikie!" she screamed.

_Pikachu_

Pikachu, using his super sprint, seen in such titles as _Pikachu's Holiday_ and only used now for convenience's sake, sprinted up the staircase and back up to the top.

Yoshi climbed out of the wastepaper basket.

Pikachu tiptoed across the chocolate bridge.

Yoshi dived for the mat.

Snake stood aside, singing old sea shanties.

Jigglypuff stood on the mat.

"Get on the mat!" screamed Snake to Yoshi.

Pikachu, using his Skull Bash, seen in such titles as Super Smash Brothers Brawl and only used now for convenience's sake, rocketed towards the pit stop.

He landed.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number three!" said Master Hand, "And you are one of the three teams racing in the final three for a million dollars!"

Pikachu shook hands with Yoshi.

"Snake and Yoshi," said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff shook hands with Yoshi.

"You are…" said Master Hand dramatically.

Snake violently shook hands with Jigglypuff, ripping off one of her limbs.

"AAAHHHH!" screamed Jigglypuff, crying in pain.

Pikachu backed away uncertainly.

"…the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to tell you…"

Yoshi stared, frightened.

"…that you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand, "And you have been eliminated from the race."

"That's okay," said Snake, laughing, detonating a bomb to blow up Fox and Samus's room. "We had a good time…"

Snake ripped off Pikachu's head. "And we certainly don't feel…"

Snake launched a missile at Master Hand, blowing him up. "…any remorse."

"Ha, ha," said Snake, "I'm witty, right?"

Yoshi nodded, completely horrified.

_Pre Final-Leg Bragging_

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"We are the strongest, fastest and fittest team," said Fox slyly, "There's no doubt we're going to go and take home the million dollars!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We haven't won a leg yet, and we're hungry…" said Falco confidently, "And our hunger to win will be so great we're going to blow them away and win!"

_Fox and Samus_

"The top three is our territory," said Samus, "We've never gone out of it and they stand no chance against us."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"No-one sees us as a threat," said Jigglypuff, "We can just sneak in from behind! We've won four legs and we can beat Fox and Samus! There's no stopping us!"

_Fox and Samus_

"It's on!" said Samus confidently.

_Metwwo and Falco_

"We're in it, to win it!" said Falco.

Said Mewtwo, "In it to win it… more like… in it to be-"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"…I got you babe…" sang Jigglypuff and Pikachu, a Mexican with a hat strumming on a guitar in the background.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We **will** prevail," said Mewtwo to the camera.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"It could be possible that we may come in first place!" said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus_

"See you next time when we take home the prize," said Fox confidently.

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Samus: 6:10 PM

Mewtwo and Falco: 6:11 PM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 6:30 PM

**Snake and Yoshi: 6:31 PM – Eliminated**

The next leg is the finale! Review about: who you want to win, etc! And now… a deleted scene! (The first this-season related thing I ever wrote…)

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in ?? Place_

"There's the clue box!" said Yoshi, exhausted. "Come on, Snake!"

Yoshi grabbed a clue, but then as he glanced again, the clue was missing from his hand.

"Where's our clue?" said Yoshi, panicking, "We can't do anything if we don't have a-"

Yoshi noticed Snake was chewing on a rather hard substance.

"Uh… Snake…" said Yoshi, slightly alarmed. "…what are you chewing on?"

"…nothing…" said Snake, continuing to chew on the paper-like substance.

"Okay Snake," said Yoshi angrily, "This isn't funny anymore."

Yoshi ran through a long train of thought in his head and suddenly panicked.

"Snake! Why are you chewing the clue?" said Yoshi hysterically.

"It's not a clue… it's our secret document that we have to destroy if we don't want the enemies to find out…" said Snake, glancing around suspiciously whilst chewing on the clue.

"Spit it out!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Do you want the enemies to find out?!" said Snake, offended and heartbroken.

"Spit it out!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Fine," said Snake, spitting out the clue.

"Now open it!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Fine…" said Snake, opening the spittle-covered clue.

"Detour!" read Yoshi, "Produce or Consume? In Produce, we have to…"

Snake noticed a policeman walk past, glancing at the clue.

"The enemy knows!" screamed Snake, panicking and tackling the policeman to the ground.

"…go to this factory and assemble fifty toys for the local festivities. And in Consume…"

Yoshi noticed Snake was beating a policeman's head against the pavement with SWAT cars coming from the distance.

"Come on!" said Yoshi angrily, "Let's just get out of here!"

"But I want to make sure that this guy is actually dead so he can't tell the other policeman about the clue and…"

Snake noticed he had ripped off the head of the policeman.

"Actually, now I think he's dead," said Snake, assessing the situation.

"Come on! We need to find a way out of here!" said Yoshi, panicking.

The SWAT teams arrived, and several dozen policemen surrounded them, pointing guns from every angle.

"Now Snake," said Yoshi, "We are going to deal with this in a safe and responsible manner, okay?"

"Okay," said Snake. "Responsibly…"

_Snake and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

Yoshi looked of the pile of dead bodies in the backseat of the car and then glared angrily at Snake, who was driving the SWAT car through town.

"Why do you have to deal with everything so violently?" said Yoshi angrily.

"Yoshi," said Snake in a responsible voice, "Let me reassure you, I am not a violent person and nor do I find enjoyment out of…"

Snake ran over a pedestrian with the car and the body got stuck on the windscreen wipers.

"Teehee!" said Snake, taking the body and pulling it into the car, ripping out the vital organs as he drove along.

Yoshi sighed.

**Next time: The finale of The Smashy Amazing Race!**


	12. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

"This season on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Twelve teams set off from Luigi Raceway, in the Mushroom Kingdom…"

"_Go!" screamed Master Hand._

_All the teams took off._

"…all the way to Yoshi's Island! Along the way, alliances were formed…"

"_Hey!" said Bowser cheerfully, several metres away. "I know this place really well! Follow us!"_

"_Awesome,' said Mewtwo._

"…as well as rivalries!"

"_I really hate those guys," said Ness._

"_Hi Mayor Bo!" said Link happily, walking into the house. "…WHAT?! They yielded us? Those dirty Pokemon!"_

"_We cannot lose to this stupid team," said Young Link angrily, "I think the most pathetic way to get eliminated is to get last place to them… they are completely stupid in every way…"_

"_We choose to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake to the camera, sticking two stickers onto the board._

"_It's karma's time," said Bowser angrily._

"Some teams were drawn closer together!"

"_Best friends forever!" said Wario and Luigi, hugging._

"_Now that we're father and son, I think we can play this race a lot different!" said Ness happily, "Like now Dad can teach me things that I've never known before!"_

"…while some weren't!"

_Said Pikachu, "What the hell's that supposed to mean? You're a deluded old lady you!"_

_Jigglypuff threw the straw at Pikachu._

"_I hate you! I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I'm never going to be with you… …ever again!"_

"Nine teams ended up coming to an end of their race!"

"_Mario and DK…"_

"_Squirtle and Pichu…"_

"_Wario and Luigi…"_

"_Link and Zelda…"_

"_Young Link and Diddy Kong…"_

"_Kirby and Sonic…"_

"_Peach and Knuckle Joe…"_

"_Bowser and Ness…"_

"_Snake and Yoshi…" said Master Hand, "…you are the last team to arrive, and I am sorry to tell you, you have both been eliminated from the race."_

"Entrepreneurs Fox and Samus led the pack, coming in first place **five** times!" said Master Hand.

"_Fox and Samus, you're team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yay!" cheered Fox, exhausted._

"But nonetheless… Fox and Samus had their issues…"

"_You know what else opens at six?" said Fox suggestively._

"_What?" said Samus angrily._

"_My fly," said Fox, raising his eyebrows._

"_CAN SOMEBODY FKING GET THIS GUY OFF MY TEAM?!" screamed Samus._

"_Oh… I can get off," said Fox sexily._

_Samus pushed Fox into the lava below._

"_AAAHHHH!" screamed Fox, burning alive._

"_Uh… medic…" said Samus._

"Mewtwo and Falco introduced themselves as strong racers…"

"_Everyone, watch out! You've just met the winners of The Smashy Amazing Race," said Falco smugly._

"But they failed the come in first place on any of the eleven legs!"

"…_team number two!"_

_Mewtwo and Falco stared, jaw-dropped. "What?!" they shrieked in unison._

"…_team number two!"_

"_Damn it!" screamed Mewtwo._

"Nonetheless, their barrage of dirty tactics…"

"_Okay, we've come up with the perfect solution to beat the competition…" said Mewtwo, "…hot chocolate… containing high amounts of sleeping pills!"_

"_We made a supposed 'alliance' with Bowser and Ness over the plane trip, so yeah…" said Falco, "He knows the area well, so I guess this is good for us!"_

"…lunged them into the final three! Dating Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu argued endlessly…"

"_IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL I EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!" screamed Jigglypuff._

"_How can this be so stressful?" said Pikachu angrily, "Just shoot the damn arrows!"_

"_See what you've made me do?" cried Jigglypuff, tears flowing down her cheeks, setting up the next bow. "I hate you, Pikachu!"_

"…but nonetheless, they finished in first place four times!"

"_Yay!" said Jigglypuff._

"Who can create the right combination of skill, strength and speed and win the million dollar prize?" said Master Hand, "Three teams remain, who will win… _**The Smashy Amazing Race?**_"

**The Teams:**

Jigglypuff and Pikachu (_Damn it jigglypuff's already won they can't win_)

Fox and Samus (_Damn it samus has been in every final they can't win_)

Mewtwo and Falco (_Falco's gay… eww…_)

"This is Chocolate Castle, in Chocolate Island, where everything is made out of chocolate!" said Master Hand, "This chocolate destination was the last chocolate pit stop in the chocolate race around the world!"

"Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg to Chocolate Castle for a mandatory pit stop, where they can sleep, drink, mingle with the other teams and eat the Chocolate Island chocolate!"

"_Wow! This chocolate is really great!" cried Jigglypuff, holding up a piece of chocolate, a gun pointed at her head._

"Can pack leaders Fox and Samus keep their momentum going and cross the finish line first? Or can close rivals Jigglypuff and Pikachu keep up their supportive teamwork and win the race? Or can Mewtwo and Falco, having not won a leg yet, finally get their chance and win the million dollars?" said Master Hand.

"Fox and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 6:10 PM, will depart at 6:10 AM!"

_Fox and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 6:10 AM_

"Fly to Mushroom City and find the baseball fields in Neon Heights for your next clue!" read Fox.

"Teams must now travel by plane over 600 kilometres to Mushroom City, the biggest city in the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they must make their way 12 kilometres from the airport to Neon Heights, a famous entertainment and gambling district atop a tall skyscraper! Once teams arrive here, they'll find the baseball field for their next clue!"

"Final leg, let's go!" said Samus, running across the chocolate bridge.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"I think our biggest strength," said Samus, "And why we've won five legs is because _we don't screw up._ And you know what happens when _we don't screw up_? We win."

"Yeah… that's deep… Samus…" said Fox.

"But it's true!" said Samus, "We don't screw up! And in the event that we do screw up, we won't screw up because we don't screw up!"

"…why do you keep on saying that?" said Fox nervously.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
2__nd__ to depart: 6:11 AM_

"Fly to Mushroom City and find the baseball fields in Neon Heights for your next clue!" read Falco, "You have 126 dollars for this leg of the race! This is the final leg! Go! Go! Go!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"I think we have a really good chance at winning the million dollars," said Falco, "Mainly because our opposition are two teams that are romantically involved with each other."

"I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH FOX!" screamed Samus from two rooms away.

"And when you have two teams that are romantically involved with each other," said Falco, "They get freaky…"

"DAMN IT DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME?" screamed Samus.

"Which is why if we use some natural spices and herbs and spray them on their clothing," said Falco evilly, "They'll get close too each other and get distracted from the race…"

"I CAN HEAR YOU, BEE-ATCH!" screamed Samus.

"Hey! That's a good one!" shouted Jigglypuff from another room, scribbling on a notepad.

"Oh Samus, what is that smell?" shouted Fox sexily from the other room, "is it… the sound of love?"

"Fox, you're walking towards a toilet…" said Samus.

"Hey sexy…" said Fox.

_Fox and Samus_

"We got Mewtwo and Falco on our tail…" said Fox, peering out the back of the taxi.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're a minute behind you guys… and we don't want to be anymore than a minute behind this whole leg…" said Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Last to depart: 6:30 AM_

"You have 126 dollars for this leg of the race! This is the final leg! Go! Go! Go!" read Pikachu.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"I think our biggest strength is that Pikie and I love each other very much…" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yeah!" said Pikachu, nuzzling Jigglypuff in the face.

"And that he'll always be committed to me…" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu nodded.

"_**Forever**_…" said Jigglypuff, smiling evilly.

Pikachu shuffled uncomfortably.

"You're going to propose soon, won't you Pikie?" said Jigglypuff, her eyes twisting evilly.

Pikachu shuffled uncomfortably.

"And then we can have each other _**forever!**_" said Jigglypuff. "And ever! And ever! And ever! And ever! And ever!"

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, jumping out of the fourth storey window.

"…Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.

_Chocolate Island Ferry Terminal_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Thanks!" said Samus, paying the driver.

"This doesn't look good…" said Fox, pointing at an overhead screen.

"Damn it, the next ferry's at 7:30!" said Samus angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey guys," said Falco.

"The Pokemon are going to catch up," said Samus angrily.

"That's just great!" said Mewtwo angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Marital Experts_

"We view the Pokemon as… an annoyance," said Mewtwo angrily. "They're sneaky and they manipulate themselves out of every task. So it's always annoying when they catch up or we find out they're half an hour in front of us!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey guys!" said Jigglypuff casually, strolling into the terminal, "We checked up on the ferry times before here so we treated ourselves to some nice buffet before coming here!"

"We got you guys some muffins!" said Pikachu happily, holding up a plate of muffins stolen from the buffet.

Mewtwo, Falco, Samus and Fox stared suspiciously.

"They're just freaking muffins!" said Pikachu angrily. "Have them!"

Mewtwo, Falco, Samus and Fox stared suspiciously.

"Look! I'll have one!" said Pikachu angrily, chomping down on one.

"That's the one that they didn't **POISON!**" screamed Fox crazily.

_Ferry  
Departed at 7:30 AM_

"All teams are now on a 7:30 ferry that arrives in the mainland at 7:50!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they will make their way to the airport, and book flights to Mushroom City!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"So far on this leg, the paranoia has been astounding!" said Pikachu, confused, "They're not even eating any of the complimentary juice that the ferry people gave them!"

"Yeah! I wonder why!" said Jigglypuff, holding up a box of sleeping pills, all of the passengers who took the juice fast asleep on the floor.

_Ferry  
Arrived at 7:50 AM_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Taxi!" shouted Samus, flagging down a tuk tuk.

They hopped on. "Get us to the airport!" ordered Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Ooh! A real taxi!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a shiny yellow enclosed cab.

"Let's get in!" cheered Pikachu, hopping in.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"We were smart… we ordered a real cab on the ferry… so we should get there twice as fast," said Falco smugly, running up to the taxi rank.

Mewtwo and Falco spotted Jigglypuff and Pikachu, driving away in their taxi.

"Damn it!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pass them! Pass them!" said Pikachu to their taxi driver.

"You know, I think I want to keep in contact with Kirby and Sonic…" said Jigglypuff happily.

"…what the heck's that supposed to mean?" said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's high-horsepower taxi passed Fox and Samus's cab.

"Damn, the Pokemon got their hands on a real cab," said Fox angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I can't believe they stole our taxi!" said Falco angrily in the open air.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"So… have I got the right people?" said the taxi driver.

"Yeah, of course!" said Jigglypuff, "We booked it!"

"What's your name then?" said the taxi driver suspiciously.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"This is the turning point…" said Falco, annoyed, "Anyone will do anything for the million dollars."

Dramatic pre-ad music played.

_Fox and Samus_

"Can we use your mobile phone?" said Samus.

Fox looked behind, "Mewtwo and Falco are behind us!"

"Just let me book tickets," said Samus, calling up a travel agent.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"What's Samus doing with the phone?" said Falco.

"Oh my gosh!" said Mewtwo, shocked. "That's what we should have done! Book tickets!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Anyway, we're going about ten kilometres faster than their taxis!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully. "So we should have an advantage getting to the airport."

_Fox and Samus_

"Can we have the fastest flight to Mushroom City possible?" said Samus over the phone.

"There's a nine o' clock flight?" said Samus, "Mushroom Air?"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Nine o' clock, Mushroom Air?" said Falco, "There's nothing quicker?"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There's the airport!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

_Fox and Samus  
Reserved Tickets on 9:00 Mushroom Air Flight_

"We got tickets," said Samus happily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Reserved Tickets on 9:00 Mushroom Air Flight_

"Let's just pray the Pokemon didn't reserve tickets," said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Pikie, these ticket lines are quite long…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"If we can eliminate the competition to one on one," said Falco, "We'll have a great chance at winning the million."

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Let's try the travel agent, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Yeah, let's go… we'll never get tickets this way," said Pikachu, running across the airport terminal.

_Yoshi's Island Airport_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"We're going to pick up our tickets with Fox and Samus now," said Mewtwo, strolling across the airport.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"There's a 9:00 flight straight to Mushroom City," said the travel agent.

"Please… can we get on that one?" said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 9:00 Flight_

"Thank you," said Falco, taking his tickets.

_Fox and Samus  
On 9:00 Flight_

"We're neck and neck with Mewtwo and Falco and we're not sure if this is our last city yet…" said Fox, picking up the tickets.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"Seats are very low…" said the travel agent, typing into her computer.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff waited anxiously.

_1__st__ Flight_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"The flight's looking very full," said Falco happily, sitting at the front of the plane, "Everything looks good."

_Fox and Samus_

"We really don't want the Pokemon on," said Fox, "If we can shut them out of the race now, we're sure to win the million dollars…"

Lots of dramatic camera angles of Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus were shown on screen.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu, strolling happily into the plane, waved at the two teams, who were sitting in the front row. Triumphant music played.

"Damn it!" said Falco angrily.

_1__st__ Flight  
Departed at 9:08 AM_

"All teams are now on their way to Mushroom City on the same 9:00 AM flight, that lands at 10:10 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Run Fox! Run!" said Samus, jogging through the airport terminal.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Don't let them out of your sight!" said Mewtwo, pushing several people out of the way as he ran across the travelator.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"This is annoying…" grunted Jigglypuff, "We're held up at the back of the plane, while the other two teams are running, doing tasks."

_Fox and Samus_

"Take us to Neon Heights!" said Fox excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Neon Heights! Follow exactly where that cab's going!" said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Finally… we're out…" said Jigglypuff, running through the airport terminal.

"We've got catching up to do!" said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus_

"I have to say, although we're near the end, the places we're still going to are pretty awesome," said Fox, admiring the skyscrapers surrounding him.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Pass them, damn it!" ordered Mewtwo angrily, the other team's taxi right in front of them.

"Sir, it's a one way street!" said the Toad taxi driver.

"Then make it **not** a one way street," said Mewtwo angrily.

"What's that supposed to mean?" screamed their taxi driver.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We are so screwed…" said Pikachu, sitting back in the taxi, "I'd say we're more than fifteen minutes behind… and if this is the final city we could be out of it already!"

_Neon Heights_

_Fox and Samus_

"Stay here!" said Fox, paying the taxi driver.

"Damn, they're on our tail already," said Samus, noticing Mewtwo and Falco's cab with them.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Stay here!" said Falco, running out of the cab.

"We just have to stick with them! Keep up with their pace!" said Mewtwo, running towards the building.

_Fox and Samus_

"Neon Heights express elevator," said Fox, pointing to an elevator in front of them.

"Get in, they're just over there," said Samus, pushing the button.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There they are!" screamed Falco, pointing across the lobby.

_Fox and Samus_

The elevator doors opened.

"Close it! Close it!" said Fox desperately, holding onto a button.

The elevator doors slowly started to pull together.

Mewtwo and Falco started to sprint across the lobby towards the closing doors.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Hit the button!" screamed Mewtwo, the doors almost completely close.

The doors closed. Falco hit the button.

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus stood there, nervously.

…

"We did it!" said Fox excitedly.

"That's great, this elevator goes up like, 300 floors," said Samus happily, "If we hold up the elevator even longer we'll get an advantage."

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Damn it!" said Falco angrily, sitting by the elevator door.

_Fox and Samus_

"There's like an amusement park up here," said Fox, flicking through a brochure, "If we pay some kid to keep the door open we might be able to do a Road Block or task before they even get up here."

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There's only one freaking elevator!" said Falco angrily, gritting his teeth.

"Just relax, there's nothing we can do," said Mewtwo, lying next to the elevator.

_Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

The elevator doors opened.

"Hey you!" said Fox to some nearby Wigglytuff, sucking a lollipop, "We'll pay you five bucks if you keep that elevator open until we come back!"

"Wigglytuff!" said the child Wigglytuff excitedly, holding the outside elevator button open with a stick.

"Awesome," said Samus, "Now we just have to find our clue!"

_Neon Heights_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Hey guys!" said Jigglypuff happily, walking up towards Mewtwo and Falco.

"Hey…" said Falco, crying.

"Contain yourself!" said Mewtwo angrily, "We need to screw Fox and Samus over somehow… it's not too late!"

"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff.

"Plus, if it's us two at the front of the pack then it will be a half chance, not a one in three chance!" said Mewtwo.

_Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex_

The elevator door started to close.

The Wigglytuff pressed the button.

The door opened.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.

The elevator door started to close.

The Wigglytuff pressed the button.

The door opened.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here we are!" said Fox, jumping over a fence, and grabbing a clue from the baseball field.

Samus hurled herself over the fence and opened the clue. "Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Samus.

"Teams must now travel by taxi 24 kilometres to this place, Mushroom Bridge!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive at this bridge, famous for its appearance in the Mario Kart series, teams will find their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Samus, running back towards the elevator.

The elevator door started to close.

The Wigglytuff pressed the button.

The door opened.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.

Fox and Samus stepped into the elevator.

Fox tossed the Wigglytuff a note.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused, picking up the note.

The elevator door started to close.

The Wigglytuff pressed the button.

The door opened.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.

"You can stop now!" said Samus angrily.

"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.

Samus threw a piece of gum twenty metres away.

"Wigglytuff!" screamed the overweight Wigglytuff, running towards the gum.

The elevator door closed.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"I hear the elevator…" said Pikachu.

The elevator doors opened.

"Hey guys," said Fox, running out of the building.

"The baseball fields are to the right!" shouted Samus, running towards the taxi rank.

"Yeah, right," said Falco, stepping into the elevator.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Take us to Mushroom Bridge!" said Samus to the taxi driver.

"We might have five minutes," said Fox, "We just have to keep upping our lead as we go."

_Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

The elevator doors opened.

"Let's go!" said Falco, running off to the left.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey… let's go right! Just like Fox and Samus said!" said Jigglypuff happily, running along.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I don't see no baseball field," said Falco, looking around.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"They were right!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, spotting the baseball field in front of them.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There it is!" screamed Mewtwo, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Damn it! False psychology!" screamed Falco angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You think someone fell for our trick?" laughed Samus.

"Yeah, probably," said Fox, snickering.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Pikachu.

"We gotta catch them!" said Jigglypuff, running off.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Falco.

_Fox and Samus_

"Oh man… the traffic's heavy…" said Fox, noticing the traffic jam in front of him.

"You know what else is heavy?" said Fox sexily.

"What?" said Fox cutely, in falsetto.

"Me and you… in bed…" said Fox sexily.

"I love you Fox! I appreciate you for who you are!" said Fox, in falsetto.

Fox cried.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Mr Toad…" said Jigglypuff to their taxi driver, "Is that really your head?"

"Yes," said their driver, driving them along.

"…really?" said Jigglypuff cutely, touching the Toad's mushroom head.

"Yes," said their driver, slightly annoyed.

…

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff took out a packet of crisps and started to rustle them very loudly.

"Why the hell are you doing that?" said Pikachu.

…

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"I'm not happy," said Mewtwo unhappily, "We keep on freaking losing to the other two teams… we have to beat them today…"

_Mushroom Bridge_

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Road Block!" read Fox, "Who want to climb a bridge and jump off?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, that person must… climb a bridge… and jump off!"  
"Using only a harness and safety workers above and below them, teams must climb up the arch of the thirty-metre high Mushroom Bridge!" said Master Hand. "Once they reach the top, they must walk across a platform, and jump into the freezing cold water for their next clue!"

Fox and Samus stared at the clue.

"That's just… that's just so creative," said Fox.

"You have to do it, Fox, I've already done six," said Samus.

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"Hi! I'm Alison, and I'll be your safety worker for the climb," said a young blonde woman, a harness attached to her waist.

"Ooh…" said Fox sexily, "Alison, what… a… name… can I get Alison top of me?"

Fox made sexy purring sounds.

"I don't have to put your safety harness on," threatened Alison.

"But I can put a harness on you," said Fox sexily.

Alison called the police.

"Officer Sexy reporting in," said Fox sexily, "Reporting in for duty…"

"FIUWEBHFUIEWBFUIEWBIUF!" screamed Alison, mauling Fox alive with her safety gear.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey Falco, I think I see another team there!" said Mewtwo, pointing at the bridge ahead.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's get out," said Pikachu, "We're not going to get through this traffic!"

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"How am I supposed to climb this freaking thing? They're just vertical poles!" said Fox angrily, pointing to the arch above him.

"You see those handles?" said Samus, pointing to some small grips sticking out of the poles, "Try those."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block!" read Mewtwo, "Who want to climb a bridge and jump off?"

"I would have no idea what we'd have to do in that task," said Falco.

"I'll do it," said Mewtwo.

"Come on! The entire race could be won or lost here!" cheered Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"I have to do it," said Jigglypuff.

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"Hurry up, fatty!" said Samus angrily, "The other two teams are getting here!"

"I'm trying!" said Fox angrily.

"What… that's trying? You're one metre in the air, Fox!" said Samus angrily.

_Mewtwo  
On Road Block_

"This is easy," said Mewtwo, climbing up the pole, digging his claws in to get grip.

"You're doing great, dude!" said Falco.

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block_

"Now…" said Jigglypuff, thinking deeply, "How should I go about… getting to the top of this bridge?"

"You're a freaking puffball!" screamed Pikachu, "Now just use that and jump all the way to the top!"

"I sense…" said Jigglypuff deeply, "The answer is right in front of me… yet I'm not sure what it really is…"

"Freaking jump up there!" screamed Pikachu, "Jeez!"

"Does it involve one of my natural abilities?" pondered Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff clicked her fingers. "I know!" she cheered.

Jigglypuff fell asleep.

"JIGGLYPUFF!" screamed Pikachu.

_Fox  
On Road Block_

"If Fox loses the race on this one task, I'm going to skin him alive," said Samus angrily.

"I love being controlled," said Fox sexily, jumping from five metres up to the ground, next to Samus.

"I'm going to kill you, Fox!" screamed Samus.

_Mewtwo  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"My claws are starting to kill me…" said Mewtwo, slowly reaching the halfway point of the vertical climb.

_Fox  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fox, if you don't climb faster, I'm going to kill you," threatened Samus, Fox only several metres above the ground.

"Kill me…" said Fox sexily, "Like, kill me in bed?"

Samus took out her gun and shot at a space right between Fox's two legs.

"AAAHHH!" screamed Fox, quickly climbing up the bridge.

_Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Jigglypuff, use your puffball powers and jump all the way up there!" said Pikachu.

"Okay!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff started to puff up, and ascended through the air.

_Mewtwo  
Finished Climb_

"That was easy," laughed Mewtwo, walking across a metal platform, "Now all I have to do is jump off this bridge and then we'll get the clue!"

Mewtwo looked down.

"Aaagh!" squirmed Mewtwo, "I'm afraid of heights!"

_Fox  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"AAAH! AAAH!" screamed Fox, scampering up the metal wall, bullets flying and narrowly missing his groin and taking off small bits of cotton from his pants.

_Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"You're almost there, Jiggles!" cheered Pikachu from below.

_Jumping Platform_

_Mewtwo_

"Hurry up, Mewtwo!" screamed Falco.

"I'm afraid of heights!" cried Mewtwo, "I'm not sure if I'll be able to jump down!"

"Damn it, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, "There's a million dollars at stake here! Are you going to lose it just because of this?"

_Fox_

Fox reached the top of the climb and walked towards the platform.

"Hurry, Fox!" screamed Samus.

_Jigglypuff_

"Jiggles, jump off!" said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo_

"You're going to just have to overcome your fear!" shouted Falco.

"But it's so hard!" cried Mewtwo.

"Aww…" mocked Fox, "Is the kitty-witty having trouble with the water?"

Fox looked down. "Actually, yeah… it kind of is terrifying…"

Fox huddled up with Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff_

"Jigglypuff! We can get in first place if you just jump!" shouted Pikachu.

"I dunno!" said Jigglypuff nervously.

"Do it!" cheered Pikachu.

"Here goes!" screamed Jigglypuff, jumping off.

_Mewtwo  
Fox_

"What if she dies?" cried Mewtwo nervously. "What if the water hits her and-"

"Jigglypuff's a chick?" said Fox excitedly.

_Jigglypuff_

Jigglypuff floated slowly down towards the ground. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" she screamed in excitement.

Jigglypuff continued to float in the air towards the ground. "This is actually really boring," said Jigglypuff, slowly nearing the water.

_Mewtwo  
Fox_

"You know what?" said Fox confidently, "That looked easy! I'm so confident now! In fact, I'm going to jump off right-"

Mewtwo sucker punched Fox, sending him toppling back into the water.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

Fox became concussed.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

_Mewtwo_

"Damn it, I'm going to have to face my fear," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo neared the edge of the platform.

"Here goes…" said Mewtwo.

Dramatic music played.

"AAAAH!" screamed Mewtwo, jumping off.

He landed in the water.

"Well… that was… anticlimactic…" said Mewtwo.

Fox's body floated past Mewtwo.

"The race!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Fly to Toad Town and make your way to the Smash Mansion!" read Jigglypuff.

"Teams must now fly 270 kilometres to Toad Town, the capital city of the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive to their final destination city, they must travel to the Smash Mansion, a training ground for the Smashers! Once teams arrive here, they will search the ground for their next clue!"

"We're going back home!" cheered Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fly to Toad Town and make your way to the Smash Mansion!" read Fox. "Hurry! Hurry! This is your final city! You may only book tickets at the airport."

"This is for the million," said Samus, flagging down a taxi.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"You may only book tickets at the airport," read Mewtwo.

"This is do or die!" screamed Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"This is intense!" screamed Pikachu.

"We're in first place right now, and hopefully we can hold it until the finish line!" said Jigglypuff, being driven along in a taxi.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're going to do anything to win, Falco," said Mewtwo, Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi right in front of them. "When we get to the airport we're going to stockpile up weapons! And then, when we land, we'll sabotage both the other teams for the million dollars!"

Dramatic music played.

_Fox and Samus_

"We're going to the final city and it's a three-way dead heat," said Fox nervously.

"We need the seats closest to the front of the plane," said Samus.

_Mushroom City Airport_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu hopped out of their cab and scampered into the airport.

"Run!" said Pikachu, dragging Jigglypuff along.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"To the ticket counter!" screamed Falco, running through the airport.

_Fox and Samus_

"We need to beat these guys!" said Fox, jogging through the terminal.

_Mushroom Air Counter_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran through the empty line up to the booking counter.

"Can we have the quickest flights to Toad Town?" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We need to try a different place… we could lose a flight," said Falco.

_Mushroom Travel Agency_

_Fox and Samus_

"What's the quickest direct flight to Toad Town?" said Samus.

_Mushroom Air Counter_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"There's a 12:30 flight that lands at 1:00 PM, but seats are very limited," said the ticket agent.

_Mushroom Travel Agency_

_Fox and Samus_

"Get us on the 12:30 flight," said Fox to the ticket agent, "We'll pay you a big tip if you can do that!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Please can we get tickets on that flight?" said Falco to the agent.

_Mushroom Air Counter_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"What's the next flight after that?" said Pikachu.

"There's a 1:00 PM landing at 1:30," said the agent.

"Okay, get us tickets for that, but put us on standby," said Pikachu.

_Fox and Samus_

"Get us on standby," said Samus.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Put us on the standby list for that 12:30 flight," said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight  
_"I'd suggest you get to the standby counter now," said the agent, handing tickets to Pikachu, "You might miss out if you don't hurry."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight_

"Run! Run!" screamed Falco, taking the tickets and heading for the standby counter.

_Fox and Samus  
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight_

"Come on," said Fox, lugging his backpack along.

_Standby Counter_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Can we get on the 12:30 Flight?" said Jigglypuff.

"You will be notified. Wait on the side," said a gate agent.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu sat down.

Mewtwo and Falco ran in, inquired and sat down.

Fox and Samus ran in, inquired and sat down.

An awkward silence filled the gate lounge.

"Cordial anyone?" said Jigglypuff, holding up a cup of cordial, which had a radioactive stench coming out of it.

Everyone stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

The standby gate agent walked up to the teams, holding up tickets. "I have enough tickets for two teams."

Dramatic music played.

"The people who will be boarding the 12:30 flight are…" said the gate agent, "Jigglypuff and Pikachu!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff, taking tickets and running towards the gate.

"And…"

Mewtwo, Samus, Falco and Fox stared nervously.

"Mewtwo and Falco!" said the gate agent.

"Yess!" cheered Falco, taking the tickets as triumphant music played in the background.

They smirked back at Fox and Samus and walked towards the gate.

"Damn it!" screamed Fox angrily.

"We're completely done for. This is it!" said Samus angrily.

Pre-ad break music played.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"We need to get on that flight, Samus," said Fox.

"There's nothing we can do, Fox!" said Samus angrily.

"Bribe them," whispered Fox.

"Last call for Mushroom Air flight T672!" said a voice over the intercom.

"We have to try, Samus," said Fox, "Come on!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"It's the Pokemon and us for the million dollars," said Mewtwo happily.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Fox and Samus didn't get tickets, so… we're half an hour in front!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"We'll bribe you," said Fox, taking notes out of his wallet, "We'll give you two hundred dollars to swap two people off the flight and get us on there!"

"I'll see what I can do," said the gate agent, taking the cash.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Damn it, what are they doing now?" said Falco angrily, the plane having not yet departed.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Uh oh," said Pikachu nervously.

A gate agent walked aboard the flight. "Who wants ninety dollars to get off this plane now and hop aboard the next flight in half an hour?"

"Great, they're bribing them?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Ooh! Me! Me!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, putting up her hand.

Pikachu angrily lowered Jigglypuff's hands.

"I'll do it!" said a passenger behind them.

"Oh no, they might get on," said Pikachu nervously.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Damn it, they're trying every trick to get this flight delayed," said Falco angrily.

The passenger giving up his seat walked past them.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on…" said Fox nervously.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Please no-one else do it…" said Falco to himself.

"I guess I'll do it too!" said a female passenger.

"Darn!" said Falco angrily.

The passenger walked out, and shortly afterwards, Fox and Samus walked in.

"Hey guys!" said Fox cheerfully.

"Yes!" said Samus happily.

"Aaaagh!" grunted Falco.

"All teams are now on the 12:30 Mushroom Air Flight to their final destination city, Toad Town!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find the Smash Mansion!"

_Toad Town_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"This is where the campaign for the million dollars begins," said Falco, hopping into a taxi.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're a bit short on money… hopefully we can pay for our cabs now," said Fox, flicking through the few notes he had.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're here to get the million dollars…" sung Jigglypuff.

Both Pikachu and the taxi driver, who was driving along a main road, were asleep.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let the bribery begin," said Falco smugly, pulling a note out from his gigantic ball of cash.

The traffic light, twenty metres in front of them turned amber.

"Go through the red and I'll give you twenty," said Falco to the taxi driver, pulling out a note.

The driver shot the light.

"Awesome," said Mewtwo, looking at the other two teams' cars stuck in the traffic light.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Mewtwo and Falco's taxi just shot the light, so they've got a few minutes already," said Fox, frustrated.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Fox and Samus's taxi is next to us," said Jigglypuff, pointing out of the window, "And I think Mewtwo and Falco are ahead of us."

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I'll give you fifty bucks to go between those two trucks," said Mewtwo, pointing to the intersection that had cars coming across them.

The driver sped up, and narrowly slipped through two oncoming trucks.

"Whee!" said Mewtwo and Falco happily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Pass them!" ordered Samus to their frail taxi driver, driving under the speed limit.

"We'll pay you to go quicker!" screamed Fox.

The taxi driver continued to drive at his slow pace.

"Darn it!" screamed Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're stuck here behind Fox and Samus," said Pikachu, frustrated, "Mewtwo and Falco are probably quite far in front of us…"

_Smash Mansion_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"Hopefully the finish line is really near!" said Falco excitedly, their taxi entering the compounds.

"Stay here!" said Falco, getting out of the cab.

Mewtwo and Falco ran towards the clue box.

"Detour!" read Falco, "Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, and is this **final** detour, their choice is between two tasks: Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag!"

"In Break The Targets, teams must enter other gym and climb twenty metres up to this fighting area above the ground. They must then break twenty targets, some of which are very hard to access and specifically designed for certain characters' move sets! Although the task is hard, if teams can think of inventive ways to break the targets, they may find themselves completing the task quickly! Teams may not fall below to the ground, or they must start the task again!"

"In Hit The Sandbag, teams must launch three sandbags past a competitive distance! Teams have ten seconds to beat up sandbags and launch them a distance of three kilometres, a distance past any individual records! This task is physically demanding, but teams that can work together and land the right attacks can finish the task quickly!"

"This might be it!" said Falco excitedly, "Which one?"

"Break The Targets," said Mewtwo.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Please…" begged Samus, "We can't lose the race because of a stupid taxi driver…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"If that's the last task at the mansion…" whimpered Jigglypuff, stuck behind Fox and Samus's slow taxi, "Mewtwo and Falco have probably won it already!"

_Smash Mansion Gym_

_Mewtwo and Falco  
On Break The Targets_

"Let's go!" said Falco excitedly, hopping onto the stage in the gym.

Mewtwo climbed on.

"So… we have twenty targets to break…" said Mewtwo, looking around.

"How the freaking heck are we supposed to break that one?" said Falco angrily, pointing to a target on the ceiling, obscured by several metres of thick wall.

_Fox and Samus  
Entrepreneurs_

"Smash Mansion! Next left!" said Samus, relieved.

"We have to kick butt at whatever task…" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
_"This has been the most frustrating taxi ride of my life…" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Targets Broken: 1_

"And how are we supposed to get that one?" said Falco angrily, pointing to a Jigglypuff-shaped hole in the wall, a target several metres behind it.

"Use your blaster," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Security took my blaster!" said Falco angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour! Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag?" read Fox.

"Hit Sandbag," said Samus, "Let's work together on this…"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hit Sandbag," said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"This is ridiculous," said Falco angrily, "Let's switch!"

_Smash Mansion Field_

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Okay Sammie, let's work together!" said Fox sweetly, standing on a small enclosed podium with Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"I think they're making us all do the task at the same time…" said Jigglypuff, pointing to Mewtwo and Falco, who were running over.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"This is intense!" screamed Falco, climbing on his podium.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Go!" screamed some announcer, dropping a sandbag onto the ground.

"We have ten seconds!" screamed Samus, whacking the sandbag repeatedly with her elbow.

Fox clumsily shot his blaster at the sandbag several times very slowly.

"How's that supposed to help?" screamed Samus angrily, laser-whipping the sandbag.

"Five! Four!" screamed an announcer overhead.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Go!" said the announcer, a sandbag dropping from overhead.

"PIKACHU!" screamed Pikachu, zapping the bag with all his might.

"I'll make you sleeepy…" sung Jigglypuff to the sandbag.

Pikachu fell asleep.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

"Five! Four!" said the announcer.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"We're doing awesome!" said Falco excitedly, hitting the sandbag repeatedly, "The sandbag's on at least one hundred percent damage!"

"What do you mean?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"On the screen!" said Falco, punching the sandbag.

"Is this some of this fourth wall stuff?" said Mewtwo angrily, picking up the bat.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Two! One!" said the announcer.

The shield on the podium was released.

Nothing happened.

"Damn it, Fox!" said Samus angrily, "You were supposed to hit the sandbag with the bat!"

"But _**you're**_ the one holding the bat!" said Fox angrily, holding the bat.

Samus grabbed the bat, and whacked Fox repeatedly over the head with it.

"See?" whimpered Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Two! One!" said the announcer.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff punched the bag lightly.

It rolled off the podium.

"Two metres!" said the announcer.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Pikachu was asleep.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

Falco whacked the sandbag with the bat at the same time that Mewtwo sent a fully charged shadow ball into the sandbag.

The sandbag went flying.

"Yeah!" said Falco, doing a high-five with Mewtwo.

"Three thousand, five hundred and twenty four metres!" said the announcer, "Acceptable distance!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 1_

"We're winning! We're actually winning!" celebrated Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Go!" said the announcer.

A sandbag dropped from over head, landing on top of a dizzy Fox.

"Get up, Fox!" screamed Samus, whacking Fox with the bat.

"Hit the sandbag!" screamed Fox, in pain.

"I am!" screamed Samus, hitting Fox, the sandbag sitting on the side of the podium.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

Pikachu woke up. "Hurry, Pikie!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"What happened?" said Pikachu, shocked.

"I sung," said Jigglypuff, grinning sheepishly.

"Hurry! We can't waste any time!" screamed Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 1_

"We're doing good!" said Falco, repeatedly whacking the sandbag.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Two! One!" said the announcer.

Nothing happened.

"…zero metres!" said the announcer overhead.

"Damn it!" screamed Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Five! Four!" said the announcer.

"Sleep as I hit it with the bat!" said Pikachu, picking up the bat.

"Okay!" said Jigglypuff, lying back onto the sandbag.

"Three! Two! One!"

Jigglypuff slept, and Pikachu whacked the sandbag with the bat, sending it rocketing through the air.

"Four thousand metres!" said the announcer.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 1_

"Catch up to them!" declared Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Three thousand and twelve metres!" said the announcer.

"We're in front again! Just one more!" said Falco excitedly.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"The only way we can do this is if we work together!" said Samus.

"Work together?" said Fox sexily.

Samus bashed Fox over the head with the baseball bat.

"Gaah…" moaned Fox, bleeding.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Four thousand and eight metres!" said the announcer.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu, hugging each other.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Two thousand nine hundred and fifty seven metres!" said the announcer, "No good!"

"Keep on working at it! Keep on going!" screamed Falco excitedly.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 0_

"Five! Four!" said the announcer, Fox and Samus belting the sandbag with the bat.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Six! Five!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu continually beat the sandbag.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Four! Three!" said the announcer.

Mewtwo and Falco kept on hitting the sandbag.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Sandbags Launched: 2_

"Two! One!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu smashed the sandbag simultaneously.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo and Falco's sandbag flew through the air.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's sandbag flew threw the air.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Dramatic music played. Mewtwo and Falco appeared tense.

"Three thousand and one metres!" said the announcer.

"YES!" cheered Falco, jumping off the podium.

"Get the clue!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Four thousand and two metres!"

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff and Pikachu, jumping off the podium.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 1_

"Darn it…" said Fox, seeing the other two teams run out.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way to Peach's Castle! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" said Falco.

"Teams must now travel three kilometres to Peach's Castle! Once here, they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Let's run!" screamed Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" read Pikachu.

"Pikie! It's just down to us and them!" squeaked Jigglypuff excitedly, running towards the taxi rank.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"The Pokemon are like, ten seconds behind us…" said Mewtwo nervously, peering out the back of their taxi.

"This is too close!" said Falco.

"How many more clues can they give us, though? I sense the finish line is near!" said Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"We're not going to the finish line yet… but we feel it's an epic race to the finish," said Jigglypuff, "Hopefully at the next clue box we can regroup and beat them!"

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Martial Arts Experts_

"There it is! Peach's Castle! On the right!" said Mewtwo, shocked.

"Park here and wait for us, please sir!" begged Falco, unfastening his seat belt.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Dating Pokemon_

"We're here already, Pikie!" screamed Pikachu.

"Why are you calling yourself that?" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Mewtwo and Falco sprinted towards the clue.

Falco ripped it open. "Your relationship with your partner will be tested here!" read Falco dramatically.

"This final task, after many days of racing tests how well each teammate... knows the other!" said Master Hand, "First, one team member must enter a vault assigned to their team! Once inside, that person must answer four questions relating to other teams in the race! Answers must be chosen from another list, displayed on the wall! Their answers will create a four digit code, which they must then program into the provided safe, locking a clue inside! Once the safe is locked, that team member must leave and the other teammate must come in and answer the same questions! When the other teammate correctly guesses the same code, they will unlock their clue, which will lead them... to the finish line! Teams must not pre-determine the safe combination in any way!"

"You will be asked four questions about your opinions on your fellow racers. Answering those four questions, one of you will lock a vault containing your clue! Each answer corresponds to a different number or symbol! Once one team member is done, the other must run in and work out the combination that the first team member put in! When your team member works out what your four digit code is, they may retrieve your next clue! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is very close!" read Falco.

"I'll go in the vault first!" said Mewtwo.

"Hurry, man!" said Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"When your team member works out what your four digit code is, they may retrieve your next clue! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is very close!" read Jigglypuff.

"I'll do it!" said Jigglypuff.

"This is the final task! Be sensible!" shouted Jigglypuff.

_Peach's Castle Vaults_

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"Okay Mewtwo, final task, this is for a million dollars…" said Mewtwo, running into the vault.

Mewtwo ran up to the wall containing the questions.

"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Mewtwo to himself.

_Jigglypuff  
Making Safe Combination_

"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Jigglypuff, holding up a piece of chalk.

_Link ran up to Jigglypuff's ear. "Pikachu told me he had chocolate cinnamon doughnuts without you," whispered Link._

_Jigglypuff's face bloated and started to turn red._

"_Okay! Go Zelda!" said Link, "Do your bit now!"_

"_Jigglypuff says that you're a beautiful person and she wants to commit with you for life!" whispered Zelda._

"_Aww," said Pikachu, running to hug Jigglypuff._

_Jigglypuff slapped Pikachu on the face. "My favourite cinnamon chocolate doughnuts __**without me**__?!"_

"Link and Zelda, what liars!" said Jigglypuff angrily, writing down the number '0' on a board next to her.

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"The least trustworthy…" said Mewtwo to himself.

"Fox and Samus," said Mewtwo, writing the number seven down onto a piece of chalk.

_Fox and Samus  
Sandbags Launched: 1_

"Two thousand and twenty-seven metres! No good!" said the announcer.

"We are so screwed…" said Samus, falling back, exhausted.

_Jigglypuff  
Making Safe Combination_

"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Jigglypuff to herself.

_A shot of Snake, Jigglypuff and Fox chuckling heartily as they poked Yoshi's body appeared on the screen._

"Snake took me poking bodies during the pit stops!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "Definitely Snake and Yoshi!"

Jigglypuff wrote down the number 5 on her board.

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Mewtwo.

"_Tickle! Tickle!" laughed Bowser._

"_Teeeheeehee!" laughed Mewtwo, being tickled by Bowser's playful claws._

"Bowser and Ness, oh, they're such funny people…" said Mewtwo, writing down the number '2' on the board.

"Wait a minute!" whimpered Mewtwo, "That never happened!"

_Jigglypuff  
Making Safe Combination_

"Who is the most overrated?" said Jigglypuff.

"_Squirtle and Pichu, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand._

"Yeah… Squirtle and Pichu definitely!" scoffed Jigglypuff, "Those guys placed won way too many legs!"

Jigglypuff wrote down the number '4' on the board.

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"Who is the most overrated?" read Mewtwo off the wall.

_Fox and Samus jogged onto the pit stop mat. Mewtwo and Falco, sprinting, trailed several seconds behind._

"_Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily._

"Fox and Samus, easily," said Mewtwo to himself, "They did not deserve to win a single leg!"

_Jigglypuff  
Making Safe Combination_

"Which team do you most want to keep in contact with?" said Jigglypuff.

"_I feel sometimes as if Sonic is like on an entire different planet to me," said Kirby, "When he's not concentrating on the race, we just fall behind!"_

"Kirby and Sonic!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "They were so nice to us!"

"Okay, I've done the four questions…" said Jigglypuff, putting her credit cards back into her handbag, "Now to lock in my combination!"

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"Which team do I want to keep in contact with? Snake and Yoshi," said Mewtwo, writing down a number on the board. "Now to put in my combination!"

_Jigglypuff  
Making Safe Combination_

"0… 5… 4… 8…" said Jigglypuff, locking the machine.

_Mewtwo  
Making Safe Combination_

"7… 2… 7… 5!" said Mewtwo, punching in the numbers.

_Pikachu  
Falco_

"You know dude, whoever does this first will probably get the million dollars," said Falco.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff and Mewtwo ran out of their safes simultaneously.

"Come on, Pikie! Guess quickly!" said Jigglypuff.

"You should do fine," said Mewtwo, running out.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe Combination_

"Concentrate, Falco… this is for a million dollars…" said Falco to himself.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe Combination_

"Okay… let's look…" said Pikachu.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe Combination_

"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Falco.

…

"Fox and Samus, easily," said Falco, writing down the number onto a piece of paper.

A 'you're correct' sound played for the benefit of the viewing audience.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe Combination_

"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Pikachu.

…

"Uh… Jiggles would probably say Link and Zelda… we yielded them after all…" said Pikachu, scribbling down on a piece of paper.

A 'you're correct' sound played.

_Jigglypuff  
Mewtwo_

"Oh, Mewtwo!" said Jigglypuff, smiling excitedly, "I'm so excited! Are… are you excited?"

Mewtwo didn't pay attention.

"Oh, Mewie!" said Jigglypuff sweetly, fluttering her eyelids.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right_

"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Pikachu to himself.

"_I'll kill you!" screamed Wario, holding up an axe, charging towards Luigi._

"_Tehee!" laughed Jigglypuff, amused._

"Wario and Luigi I'd say… she liked their… homicidal antics…" said Pikachu.

A buzzer sound played.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right_

"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Falco.

…

"Dude, did we find anyone funny?" said Falco hysterically.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to Peach's Castle! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" said Samus.

"We just have to keep on going… who knows… there might still be time to catch up," said Fox.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/2 Right_

"Hmm…" said Pikachu, pondering at the board.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right_

"I'll say Snake and Yoshi had the best sense of humour!" said Falco, scribbling down on a piece of paper with his pen.

A buzzer sound played.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/2 Right_

"Is the most overrated?" said Pikachu. "Fox and Samus, definitely."

A buzzer sound played.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe: 1/2 Right_

"The most overrated? Fox and Samus, definitely," said Falco confidently.

A 'tick' sound played.

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe: 1/3 Right_

"Which team do you most want to keep in contact with?" said Pikachu.

"…Snake and Yoshi?" said Pikachu.

A buzzer sound played.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe: 2/3 Right_

"Which team… do we most want to keep in contact with?" said Falco, "I'd honestly have… no idea…"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"You will be asked four questions about your opinions on your fellow racers. Answering those-"

_Pikachu  
Cracking Safe: 1/4 Right_

"Okay, let's try the code…" said Pikachu, inputting the numbers into the safe.

Dramatic music played.

The safe beeped twice, and a rejection message appeared on-screen.

"Gosh…" said Pikachu stressfully.

_Falco  
Cracking Safe: 2/3 Right_

"Who?" said Falco. "Who would Mewtwo most like to be in contact with?"

"_And you can come back to my beach house and we can have ice cream!" cheered Yoshi._

"_Yay!" cheered Mewtwo happily._

_Falco walked in._

"_And then I'll kill you!" said Mewtwo angrily._

"_Waah!" cried Yoshi._

"_Only kidding! We're such great friends!" said Mewtwo loudly._

_Falco stared._

"_Uh… in hell?" said Mewtwo._

"Mewtwo's like best buds with Yoshi!" cheered Falco, "Awesome! I think I have this!"

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

Falco walked up to the safe.

"7… **5…** 7… 5…" said Falco.

Dramatic music played.

A reject code appeared.

"Damn it!" said Falco angrily.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"0… 9… 7… 5…" said Pikachu to himself, "What's wrong with this code?"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Once one team member is done, the other must run in and work out the combination that the first team member put in!" read Fox slowly.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"Damn it… what do I change? What do I change?" said Falco to himself.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"Okay… sense of humour… not Wario and Luigi… hey! They were all torturing Yoshi for fun! It's Snake and Yoshi who are the funny ones!" said Pikachu to himself. "0575!"

Pikachu put the numbers into the safe.

Rejection.

"Hmm!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"…blah blah War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy blah blah," read Fox off the clue.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"Let's run through the questions…" said Falco, "Fox and Samus… definitely the least trustworthy… Snake and Yoshi, definitely for contact… Fox and Samus, definitely the most overrated… it's the sense of humour! Who has the best sense of humour?"

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"Now who would be the most overrated for Jigglypuff?" said Pikachu to himself.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"…stopping by woods on a snowy evening…"

"Can we freaking do the task already?" screamed Samus angrily.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"Okay… it has to be one of these numbers…" said Falco smugly, "7**0**75…"

Falco pressed the numbers into the safe.

_Pikachu  
Coded Needed: 0548_

"Oh my gosh! Why didn't I remember?" said Pikachu excitedly, "Jigglypuff really wanted to keep in touch with Kirby and Sonic because-"

Pikachu sighed, "…she wanted to leave me to date Sonic…"

A 'you're correct' sound played.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"7… **1**… 7… 5…" said Falco, pressing into the safe.

A rejection code played.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"That leaves who's the most overrated…" said Pikachu.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

Falco stared at the safe.

"I know who's funny!" chuckled Falco, "Wario and Luigi!"

"7… **9**… 7… 5…" entered Falco into the safe.

A rejection screen appeared.

"Why?" said Falco, frustrated.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"I've got it!" said Pikachu excitedly.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"This has got to be it!" said Falco excitedly.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"0…"

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"7…"

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"5…"

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"2…"

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"4…"

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"7…"

Lots of dramatic music played.

_Pikachu  
Code Needed: 0548_

"…8?" said Pikachu to himself.

_Falco  
Code Needed: 7275_

"5!" said Falco.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"How to operate the Waddle Lock™," said Fox.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

_Currently in 1__st__ Place_

The safe door opened.

"OH MY GOSH!" screamed Falco excitedly.

Falco ran out, screaming, holding the clue excitedly.

"Yes!" cheered Mewtwo, opening the clue. "Take that, suckers!"

"Yess!" cheered Pikachu from his room.

Pikachu ran out, holding the final clue.

Mewtwo and Falco and Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at each other.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed everyone, opening their clues.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Mewtwo and Falco  
Tied for 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way to the _**finish line**_ of the race, Luigi Raceway!" read Falco and Jigglypuff at the same time.

"Having completed _**all tasks**_in the entire race, teams must now travel ten kilometres to the final destination of The Smashy Amazing Race, Luigi Raceway!" said Master Hand, "Teams must run along a long marked path before entering the stadium, where they will see the **finish line** straight in front of them! The first team to cross the finish line, will win the **one million dollar prize!**"

"Freaking hell! It's close! It's close!" screamed Falco, running onto the street.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Look… I don't even think what you're saying is relevant to the clue… just enter in 0000, and we'll be out of here instantly," said Samus angrily.

"Fine!" said Fox angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We need a freaking cab! We need a freaking cab!" screamed a disillusioned Falco, running around the main road manically.

"Cab! Cab!" screamed Mewtwo, waving randomly, completely dizzy from shock.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We need a taxi! Oh my gosh! We need one so badly!" cried Jigglypuff desperately.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There's no freaking taxis and it's the freaking finish line!" moaned Falco, "This is so damn important! We need to beat those freaking puffballs and win this damn race!"

_Peach's Castle Vault_

_Fox  
Locking Safe_

Fox walked in calmly.

He pressed 0000, locking the safe.

He walked out.

_The Street_

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Damn it!" screamed Falco, jogging up and down the street, waving viciously but to no avail, "We need a darn taxi!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"This is so close! This is so, so, close!" said Pikachu hysterically.

_Peach's Castle Vault_

_Samus  
Solving Safe_

Samus walked in.

She pressed 0000.

She took the clue.

_The Street_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Pikie! I'm going to vomit!" screamed Jigglypuff, rocking vicariously back and forth on the boat.

"How the hell are you on a boat?!" screamed Pikachu desperately, reading the text off the screen.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"There's an empty taxi!" said Mewtwo excitedly, "Flag it down!"

A yellow cab stopped several metres away from them.

"For a million dollars!" cheered Falco, putting his bag in the back of the taxi.

"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Mewtwo, sitting in the back seat, "As quick as you can! This is literally… a million dollars for us!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We need a cab!" cried Jigglypuff, watching Mewtwo and Falco drive off.

"There!" said Pikachu excitedly, watching another taxi pull up.

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Your relationship with your partner will be tested here!" read Fox.

"Wrong clue, diphead," said Samus angrily.

"Diphead?" said Fox, "Isn't it supposed to be-"

A large truck passed by the camera. Indoors.

"No, no, I'm pretty sure it's diphead," said Samus angrily.

…

"Uh… I think this clue goes to the finish line, many we want to open it…" said Fox.

"Okay," said Samus.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi is literally, five seconds behind ours," said Falco nervously, peering out the back.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Follow that cab!" said Jigglypuff.

"Jiggles, I think this might be a footrace to the pit stop…" said Pikachu anxiously, "So run as hard as you can and we can get a million dollars!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We want this so bad…" said Mewtwo, travelling along in the taxi, "We've come so close to first place so many times… and we've always missed out… we have to get this!"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Mewtwo and Falco are just a bunch of cheats as far as I'm concerned…" said Pikachu to the camera, "We have to stop them from winning! They haven't even won a leg yet! Why should they now?"

_Fox and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Fox, hopping into a taxi.

"Do you know where it is?" said Samus.

"Yeah, I know!" said the taxi driver.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Damn it," said Falco, "We have to lose them! We can't just sit here and get beaten in a footrace! We have to do something!"

"I've got an idea…" said Mewtwo, taking an arsenal of weapons out of his bag.

…

"Why didn't you use those the eleven other legs we had a chance at coming in first?" said Falco angrily.

"Uh…" said Mewtwo.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Get ready to run, Jiggles!" said Pikachu.

Mewtwo shot through from the back of his taxi at the tyres of their taxi.

"Oh no! They're shooting at us!" screamed Jigglypuff.

Their taxi spun out of control, circling around several times before coming to a stop.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"YESS!" cheered Falco.

"I can almost taste the million bucks!" said Mewtwo excitedly, stroking his bazooka calmly.

_Fox and Samus_

"Hey… is that another team?" said Fox, their taxi driving past Jigglypuff and Pikachu's overturned taxi.

"I think it is!" said Samus, "We're still in it! Despite doing crap the entire day we still might be able to win this!"

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"To a million dollars!" said Falco, pouring out the champagne.

Fox and Samus's taxi pulled up behind their taxi.

"WHAT?!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.

"How the- how the hell did they catch up?" screamed Falco.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Ooh! Let's try this taxi!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to a shiny V8 sports car. With fast wheels.

"Yay!" said Pikachu, jumping into the taxi.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Gaah!" screamed Mewtwo, shooting at Fox and Samus's tyres.

_Fox and Samus_

"Two can play at this game!" said Samus angrily.

Samus threw an anchor through Mewtwo and Falco's back windshield.

"What did that achieve? You just destroyed public property!" said Fox angrily.

"You'll see… you'll see…" said Samus.

Nothing happened.

"Uh… we should probably change taxi," said Fox, sitting, motionless.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"To a million dollars!" said Falco, holding up his champagne.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's super-charged taxi zoomed past on the right.

"WHAT?!" screamed Falco and Mewtwo in unison.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Yaay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

A police car pulled up behind their taxi.

"NUUUE!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo and Falco's taxi passed Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

"…I'm scared to take out the champagne," said Falco, trembling.

Fox and Samus's car pulled up alongside their taxi.

Samus punched a hole in their window and took the champagne.

"You'll pay!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, holding up his gun.

"You don't have any bullets left!" taunted Samus, holding up the bullet bag.

"You don't have a gun!" said Falco angrily.

"Or do I?" said Fox sexily.

Falco, Mewtwo and Samus lowered their heads in shame.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Do you realise you were speeding?" said a policeman to their taxi driver.

"We need to change taxis again!" said Pikachu desperately.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff, spotting a taxi zooming past, jumped into the window of that taxi and hopped in.

"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Samus_

Fox and Samus, and Mewtwo and Falco's taxis, neck-and-neck, stopped at a red light.

"Oh look! Luigi's Raceway! Next right!" said Fox happily, pointing to a sign.

Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus stared at each other.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi pulled up behind their taxis.

Everyone looked at each other.

"Footrace!" screamed everyone in unison.

_Luigi's Raceway  
Finish Line_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi pulled up into the carpark. They threw notes at their taxi driver, got out, and ran along a marked path on the outside of the stadium.

"This is it, Jiggles!" said Pikachu excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
Fox and Samus  
Tied for 2__nd__ Place_

Fox and Samus and Mewtwo and Falco hopped out, and sprinted along the path.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Run, Pikie! They're coming!" said Jigglypuff.

An overhead shot showed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, running along the outside of the stadium, and Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus, neck-and-neck, about thirty metres behind.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"We have to run around the entire stadium before we can get in!" said Pikachu, jogging along.

"They're nearing us!" said Jigglypuff desperately, Samus and Falco gaining ground on them.

_Fox and Samus_

"Sprint!" screamed Samus, ten metres in front of Fox.

"I'm trying!" screamed Fox, panting.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Hurry up! This is our chance to win!" screamed Falco, equal with Samus.

"I'm trying!" shouted Mewtwo, trailing behind Fox by half a metre.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"No matter what happens, I love you," said Jigglypuff sweetly.

"Aww," said Pikachu.

"Now carry me!" demanded Jigglypuff, panting.

"Come on!" screamed Pikachu desperately, "You have to do this!"

"Carry me!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jiggles!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"We're catching up, Pokemon!" said Falco angrily, nearing a yard every few seconds, "We're gonna beat you!"

"Not if I can help it!" said Samus evilly, tripping Falco over.

"Hey!" screamed Falco angrily, rolling to the ground.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Only a couple hundred metres to go!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a sign on the right.

"There comes Samus!" said Pikachu.

Samus jogged through, stepping over the Pokemon and running closer to the finish line.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

Mewtwo caught up to Falco and pulled him up,

"Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily, "She tripped me!"

"We'll beat them!" said Mewtwo angrily. "Fox is about five metres behind us and the Pokemon are about ten in front of us… if we beat the Pokemon we'll win this race!"

_Samus_

"Come on, Fox!" screamed Samus, gaining more and more of a lead on the Pokemon.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu_

"Mewtwo and Falco are catching up!" cried Jigglypuff, the martial arts experts closing in behind them.

_Mewtwo and Falco_

"Don't let Fox in front!" said Falco angrily, blocking the path.

_Fox_

"Come on, guys!" said Fox angrily.

_Samus_

"Finish Line on your right…" said Samus, reading a sign.

Samus sprinted into the main compound of Luigi Raceway. She was filled with excitement upon spotting the finish line, at the end of the hundred metre straight in front of her.

"This is it!" said Samus, sprinting.

The nine eliminated teams spotted Samus and gave a lukewarm applause.

Samus was almost at the end of the tarmac straight, and flopped onto the finish line.

"Yess!" cheered Samus.

Her partner was nowhere to be seen.

"Fox!" said Samus angrily, standing on the finish line.

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
Mewtwo and Falco  
Fox_

The five racers, clumped together as a pack, jogged around what was the last bend of the outside of the stadium.

"Finish line on your right!" screamed Falco excitedly.

"This is it! This is the footrace!" screamed Fox, horrified.

_Finish Line_

All of the teams started to cheer, noticing the other five racers in a bunch on the final hundred metre stretch.

"Gaah!" screamed Falco, running along, punching Jigglypuff in the back, causing her to topple over.

Mewtwo grabbed his chainsaw and mauled Fox's arm off throwing his severed arm into the stands.

"Come on!" screamed Falco, breaking away from the pack.

"Oh no you don't!" said Jigglypuff angrily, starting to roll out.

Pikachu, using his reserved energy, started his sprint towards the mat.

Fox, missing an arm, clumsily sprinted towards the finish line.

Falco and Mewtwo, about fifty metres away from the mat, saw Pikachu scamper past at his full speed.

Pikachu ran onto the finish line.

"Let go now!" screamed Pikachu, "Release your rollout, Jigglypuff!"

Fox, in desperation, tackled Mewtwo with his good arm, hurling them towards the ground.

Jigglypuff rolled out, zooming across the tarmac but hitting Falco in the back. Falco became airborne, landing on the centre of the finish line.

"Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu, on the finish line.

"Mewtwo!" screamed Falco, on the finish line.

"Fox!" screamed Samus angrily, on the finish line.

"Hurry Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu to Jigglypuff, who was a dozen yards away from the mat.

Jigglypuff, stone drunk from inhaling too much tarmac, clumsily stumbled towards the mat.

Mewtwo and Fox, engaging in a slap fight, looked up and saw the finish line, forty metres away.

Jigglypuff walked towards the mat.

Mewtwo and Fox, neck-and-neck made a mad dash for the mat.

"Hurry, Jigglypuff!" screamed Young Link, Diddy Kong, Bowser, Ness, Squirtle, Pichu, Kirby, Peach and Knuckle Joe.

"Hurry, Fox!" screamed Luigi, Sonic, Link, Zelda, Mario, DK, Snake, Samus and Yoshi.

"Go Mewtwo!" said Wario.

Everyone gave Wario an awkward stare.

Jigglpyuff continued to stumble towards the mat.

Fox and Mewtwo, completely exhausted, slowed down to a jog in the final twenty metres.

Jigglypuff was five metres away from the finish line.

"HURRY!" screamed Pikachu.

Fox and Mewtwo were within reach of the pit stop.

Jigglypuff fell face first, ten centimetres away from the finish line.

Pikachu scampered over to pull Jigglypuff over.

Fox bit Mewtwo's tail just as he was about to reach the line, sending him tumbling backwards.

Pikachu grabbed Jigglypuff.

Fox stumbled toward the mat.

Pikachu picked Jigglypuff up and walked onto the map.

Fox closed in.

Pikachu dropped Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff, floating like a balloon, slowly fell towards the ground.

Fox, exhausted, half a metre from the pit stop, started to fall.

Mewtwo, waking up made a mad dash for the pit stop, sprinting his might out.

Jigglypuff kept on falling.

Fox kept on falling.

Mewtwo dived towards the mat.

Lots of epic, dramatic music played.

Jigglypuff, Fox and Mewtwo landed face first on the mat at what appeared to be the same time.

Master Hand stared, shocked.

All of the eliminated racers, stared, shocked.

Dramatic music played.

"Five Continents, ten Countries and more than 70,000 miles…" said Master Hand excitedly.

Mewtwo and Falco, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Fox and Samus stared happily.

"By an ear…" said Master Hand.

The camera panned on Jigglypuff's ear, touching the mat.

"…Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are the official winners of The Smashy Amazing Race!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu anticlimactically.

"But that's just freaking stupid!" said Mewtwo angrily, "This freaking game show, this freaking fan fic! This is so freaking stupid! Everything is so freaking stupid! I spent one freaking month travelling around with a talking bird, a freaking balloon and a rat and what did I get? Nothing! I would have earned a million bucks in wages had I not gone of this freaking show! This freaking sucks! I freaking hate this-"

"Mewtwo and Falco, you are team number two!"

"HA! We beat you guys!" said Mewtwo, sticking his tongue out.

"We didn't win anything!" cried Falco. "We tried so hard and we didn't come first… the entire race! We're such failures!"

"I think you guys are winners!" said Jigglypuff, patting Falco, "You might not have come first, but you beat ten other really, competent, competitive teams!"

The camera panned on Squirtle and Pichu, Mario and DK, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Wario and Luigi.

"And besides!" said Jigglypuff earnestly, "It's all about the spirit of competing and participating, not coming in first!"

"Thank you!" cried Falco, hugging Jigglypuff.

"Aww," said everyone.

"Can you cut to us?" said Fox angrily, "I want to know if we've won or not! Just give us our place, Master Hand!"

"Well Fox," said Samus, "There's been a team that's come in 1st Place, a team that's come in 2nd Place…"

Fox nodded, concentrating very hard.

"…and we were in the final three… so that makes us…" said Samus.

Fox stared into blank space.

"T…" said Samus.

Fox stared into blank space.

"Tits?" said Fox slyly.

Samus punched Fox in the face, knocking his teeth out.

"Boy Fox, you probably should get a good dentist!" laughed Samus.

Nobody laughed.

"Fox and Samus, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand. "And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."

"**Eliminated?!**" said Samus angrily, "That's ridiculous! The race is already over! The winners have been decided! That's adding insult to injury!"

Everyone laughed, looking at Fox's facial injuries.

"That wasn't a joke!" said Samus angrily.

**Final Results:**  
Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 1st Place

Mewtwo and Falco: 2nd Place

Fox and Samus: 3rd Place

Snake and Yoshi: 4th Place

Bowser and Ness: 5th Place

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 6th Place

Kirby and Sonic: 7th Place

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 8th Place

Link and Zelda: 9th Place

Wario and Luigi: 10th Place

Squirtle and Pichu: 11th Place

Mario and DK: Last Place

_Post-Race Interviews_

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu  
1__st__ Place_

"What do you think about being the official winner of The Smashy Amazing Race?" said Master Hand, winking at the camera.

"It's great!" said Jigglypuff, holding up the cheque with Pikachu.

"And what's in store for you next?" said Master Hand.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, "I think we're contemplating marriage…"

Pikachu rolled his eyes.

"…and then I can be called **Mrs.** Jigglypuff Melvinson!" said Jigglypuff romantically.

"My last name's not Melvin!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Whoops, I made a mistake, Keith," laughed Jigglypuff.

"I'm not Keith!" said Pikachu angrily.

…

"…uh…" said Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Falco  
2__nd__ Place_

"Coming in second place sucks," said Falco angrily.

Fox walked into the room, sexily.

…

"What?" said Falco angrily.

_Fox and Samus  
3__rd__ Place_

"I'm actually quite glad to have run this race with Fox," said Samus happily, holding up her 10,000.00 cheque. "We got this consolation cheque, which is pretty cool."

"I'd like to… cheque you out…" said Fox sexily, prodding Samus with his cheque.

"Seriously, I'll get married with you if you just let me see your cheque for a bit!" said Samus happily.

"Okay!" said Fox goofily.

Fox handed over the cheque.

Samus ran out.

"She'll be back!" said Fox happily.

…

…

…

_Snake and Yoshi  
4__th__ Place_

"I think being in The Smashy Amazing Race showed me that Snake isn't the crazy, manic, controlling guy that I thought he was!" said Yoshi happily, "I think we're going to be best buds after this!"

"And… cut!" said Master Hand.

"Can I have a toilet break?" moaned Yoshi, touching the collar Snake put around his leg.

"Only _**I **_ say when you can," said Snake angrily.

"I'm not a dog, damn it!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Then why are you called _**Dog**_shi? Huh?" said Snake angrily.

"I'm not called Dogshi!" said Yoshi angrily.

Snake looked at Yoshi.

Snake looked at the leash.

Snake looked at Yoshi.

Snake looked at the leash.

Snake looked at Yoshi.

Snake looked at the leash.

…

…

"…oooohhhh…" said Snake.

_Bowser and Ness  
5__th__ Place_

"Through this experience, I think I'm a better person and a better father!" said Bowser happily.

"Why's Ness in a wheelchair?" said Master Hand.

"Uh…" said Bowser.

_Peach and Knuckle Joe  
6__th__ Place_

"It's such a shame… Peach was just… minding her own business when she slipped on the ladder she was standing on to fix the curtain…" said Knuckle Joe with a sly British accent, "It was just so unfortunate that she toppled through the window and fell twenty storeys to her death, yes, yes, what a shame…'

_Kirby and Sonic  
7__th__ Place_

"Sonic is much more interesting now that I have a taxidermy of his body…" said Kirby, stroking the stuffed Sonic.

Nobody cared about the other teams.

"**Next Season on The Smashy Amazing Race!**" said Master Hand. "Eleven **new** teams set off on a race around the world!"

"Meet… your newest, tiny-sized villains!"

"_Charmander and I will use this race as a tool to create the next __**nuclear war**__!" laughed Ivysaur evilly._

"The obligatory fraternity brother team!"

"_Duuuh…" said Falcon, drooling._

"**Five** dating couples…"

"_i lOVE yOU gANnIE!" screamed Jigglypuff, hugging Ganondorf._

"…including the race's first **gay** couple!"

"_Hehehe!" laughed Squirtle and Marth, making out on the mat, Squirtle's slimy shell creating a bit of gooey discharge onto Marth's chin as their lips touched, Marth's hair swirling in the wind as the window of love opened, the gate of destiny entered, the meaning of life fulfilled._

"…and the rest."

"_We're normal!_" said Peach.

"Who will survive? Who will win? Are these teams even _**real**_? Find out, next season on The Smashy Amazing Race!"


End file.
